>>31115042
leave the situation. You broke her trust and won’t get it back no matter what she says. She’s punishing you with this other guy. Just turn around and try find happiness with someone else. Even if you got back together, you cheating would always be a topic in any argument.

It's simply the consequences of your actions. Honestly what you're feeling isn't nearly as bad as what you did to her.

>>31115042
take the L. you fucked up buddy
>She does not want me to see anyone else
she says this while she’s fucking someone else? what a cunt

>>31115042
You need to be noticeably the better option, and also forget about this withholding sex bullshit, women want sex too and if the other guy is giving it more/better that isn't going to help you
Fuck her brains out

>>31115042
Just let her keep fucking him and do not see another woman (cheat) again until she is done screwing around with this guy
She will feel better knowing she "got even" with you, and in the future she will be insecure when you go out, where you are, etc so be prepared to be patient and reassure her.
If you do all of this correctly and compassionately, you 2 should be fine
Just keep it up and be a good man to her, she deserves to fuck around like you did just for a bit let her be as selfish as you were.
I hope it works out OP

>>31115042
you're both fucked, stop holding on to the illusion of having a perfect life with this woman you're just wasting time that you could be using to look for someone you don't need "counseling" to be with

>>31115081
fpbp. it's over OP. it's so over that I only the most stubborn kind of self-delusion would be required to still see any hope in this situation. this is nothing something you can come back from. sometimes love just is not enough. that's how it is. maybe you still love each other ( I actually believe that) but that doesn't change the fact that it's over forever and you need to chose the fast pain, for both your sakes

File: 1616814946604.jpg (93 KB, 1080x565)

93 KB JPG

>>31115042
I'm in a sort of similar situation (8 years together, sex was drying up so I started cheating with prostitutes), except we're not doing any sort of counseling and she shut the door on any kind of reconciliation. She kept verbally insisting that we're not together anymore and I should let go of hope of us ever getting back together. Been a little over four months since the breakup, she started seeing another guy from her job about two months ago. We don't live together anymore but due to circumstances I don't want to get into I still have to go over to what used to be our shared property pretty regularly. Since about a month ago we've gone pretty much zero contact even when we cross paths in person, no talking to each other.

I don't want to get back together with her anymore, HOWEVER I do want to hate fuck her and cuck her new boyfriend. How proceed? I've gotten noticeably more jacked in the past few months since the breakup but she won't even look at me when talking to me anymore. And this other guy was clearly second choice, even before I confessed my cheating I was behaving pretty badly in the relationship and gained a lot of weight and she still put up with me.

>>31115281
why? she's still living in your head. forget her

>>31115288
>why?
Because I want to, that's why
>she's still living in your head. forget her
I'm trying and it's getting a little better every day but as long as I have physical proximity to her it's hard. In the next few weeks-month my situation will be different and I'll be living in a town dozens of miles away but for now it is what it is.
Also kind of hard to forget someone you lived with for over 5 years, especially when you took their virginity and thought you were going to get married to them.

>>31115281
>I don't want to get back together with her anymore, HOWEVER I do want to hate fuck her and cuck her new boyfriend. How proceed?
this placw is full of mentally ill retards

>>31115306
she's not even looking at you. there is no in. don't try to force it or you could get in real trouble. once a woman has put that much distance between you it's usually pretty final

>>31115308
And yet you're here too

>>31115308
how new are you?

>>31115308
4chan attracts people with either asocial or antisocial traits tbf. always has been this way

>>31115082
>>31115136
I'm not complaining about the situation. I think what she's doing is fair in light of what I did to her and that I shouldn't see anyone else if I want to prove to her that I'm serious and capable of commitment.

>>31115166
I've basically given her free reign to do whatever she wants until she's ready to come back, so withholding sex is the only sort of control I'm exerting over the situation or incentive for her to come back. It seems to be working okay, she definitely wants it much more from me than him and it seems to be accelerating things because she misses it and I'm not allowing her to become complacent with the situation and used to getting validation from multiple sources.

>>31115189
I like this response so I'm going to cling to it because it's comforting and hopefully true.

>>31115200
>>31115227
I really think we are special for each other and won't find the same happiness with someone else. I feel like even if I do just go ahead and cut her off and start a new relationship, she'll just contact me in a few months and I'll drop everything to run back to her.

>>31115281
Don't hijack my thread with your gay little power fantasy scenario.

The relationship is over. You fucked up and need to deal with it.
>>31115189
This is the worst advice I have ever seen.

>>31115374
brother. cheating is a relationship killer. even IF she comes back to you and try to forgives you, the romantic dynamic between you has been changed forever, whether you want to acknowledge that or not. somethings you don't come back from. you'll never have that pure love you desire because you, through your actions, have tainted that and made it impossible. you could possibly make it work in the shot term. but the dream is dead. and I know deep down you realise that

>>31115042
>she is seeing someone else
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Move the fuck on.

>>31115374
Fuck off faggot, at least I'm not holding out to put a ring on sloppy seconds

>>31115042
I did something similar. In our case it was a 10 year relationship. It was over at that point. We decided that we wanted to build a new one out of its ashes. Did the whole therapy thing which was useless for me and beneficial for her. I clearly told her what I was unhappy about and what she needed to fix, she accepted some things and we compromised on others. A year later I can say the pain is still there of course, but it's not in the foreground anymore and many issues which we really should have dealt with a long time ago have finally been resolved and we are in a better place. HOWEVER, unlike in your situation I'm 99% sure she didn't use this incident as an excuse to ho around. I know because I went through all her devices and they were squeaky clean. For you it's different.
>>31115166
Agreed. Especially at this time, when someone's been cheated on that's when they want validation the most that they are still desired, from anyone whether that's their partner or some random orbiter.
>>31115189
>do not see another woman (cheat) again until she is done screwing around with this guy
Which could take years.
>"Honey, not to be pushy but are you done fucking Chad Thundercock yet? No? Okay let me know when you are, I'll be here waiting. Yes I know I was a terrible unfaithful partner, I'm sorry. Take all the time you need. Oh? What's that, you're fucking two of them now? Well I guess it's only fair. You need time to work through your feelings. I heard you guys fighting the other day so I think I still have a chance! By the way - I'm going to keep withholding intimacy until you're ready to commit".

>>31115189
>she deserves to fuck around like you did just for a bit let her be as selfish as you were.
Relationships aren't about equality or who deserves what. They're about power. And right now OP has 0.

>>31115408
I don't really think this is a universal truth. I have seen relationships of close friends recover from cheating. Someone I know lost their girlfriend temporarily to another guy and they got back together and are now married ten years later

I have been cheated on before and recovered from it and regained trust and the relationship ended over different issues, and I didn't care for that girl half as much as me and my current ex love each other.

My ex is unnaturally kind and forgiving and has been hurt a number of times by people only to then allow them back into her life.

Things will never return to the way they were before, but we can rebuild better and overcome the issues that ruined us on the first try.

>>31115451
Wow you turned my post into a basedjak greentext and made me see the error of my ways I will now drop my girlfriend and start banging one of the cute art hoes that come to all of my band's shows.

But really I do have power in this situation because she is genuinely deeply in love with me and she knows I'm going to start seeing other people if she doesn't cut it out soon. The other guy is not exactly Chad Thundercock or she wouldn't be on her knees begging me to screw her when she comes over.

Congratulations on getting your partner to just turn over and accept that she was the problem after you were unfaithful but you're right, it's not my situation. We both had serious shortcomings that led to us becoming disattisfied, and we've now identified and nullified them.

>>31115042
Your relationships seems to be getting more dysfunctional instead of less.

>>31115042
I don't know how old you are but you have to realize at some point that all relationships (cordial, platonic, romantic, etc) are power struggles with comfortable spots for both people, most relationships don't work out because they haven't found their comfortable spots (which are basically the psychological scenarios where both are okay and there are no more power struggles), therefore any relationship is a game of give and take, of consequences and rewards.
If the power balance is off and weighs more on one side than the other, then it's now a hostage scenario (this is where you are), real forgiveness is hard to achieve and most people don't do it because it's a counter-intuitive tactic that has a lot of real loss potential i.e. "they've already proven to me that they cannot be trusted, therefore turning a blind eye has the potential of backfiring", revenge is a commonly used "we both lose" tactic which is the nash equilibrium of this grander strategy.
Trust is a concept, a variable we've made to measure the amount potential reward against the potential loss, if this variable reaches negatives then it's harder to pump it back up since as human beings we're more inclined to see the downfalls of ourselves than the achievements. Therefore we'll always see the negative facts first and then the positive ones about a particular person and this creates an almost permanent variable to take into consideration by her whenever she'll desire to do something she's not supposed to do, and since we can't quantify specifically if (this negative thing you've done) is ever equal to (this negative thing she wants to do), it'll stack up over time and always test your resolve and your relationship.
This is the reason why the common wisdom is that trust can never be earned back fully and thus the more "negative" response on here, everyone else is just hopeful.

1/2

>>31115647
That is not to say that there's no hope in winning her back, it's just that you have to make her perceive you as an even greater value even considering the potential suffering due to a lack of trust.
I'm not recommending nor condoning manipulation as we're all doing it, it's just that some tactics are agreed upon to be exploitation whereas others are not.
Take note of what she values, traits, superficial and non-superficial, actual wordly values and potential for more gain and you'll capture her attention, then take not of what she doesn't value but would make her jealous if it's not hers.
Another one, breaking of trust can mean a lot of things, not just the increase of potential loss during another relationship but also a loss of her own self, attraction, self-worth, self-perception. >>31115166 is right ONLY if you know her as having self-image issues, even so slightly and most women do, confident people are not confident because they lack self-doubt, they lack self-doubt because they know how to counter the doubt with real facts about themselves, which is a tactic of constant reminder of one's own achievements.
One thing's sure, her fucking around isn't a good deal for you, imbalanced power struggles lead to more power struggles.
Take whatever you want from this. I'd say the relationship as a romance is toast, from now on all you'll get is perceived attachment which will intermittently be questioned by the self, both yours and hers.

2/2

>>31115500
>I will now drop my girlfriend
>my girlfriend
Don't you mean "our girfriend'?

For real tho, if you're the big man with the big plans and youve got the POWAH then what the fuck are you doing asking strangers advice on this dickhole of a site? Stop wasting time validating yourself, go bang your art hoes.

>because she is genuinely deeply in love with me
Hate to break it to you bud, if that was the case then she would have had a few yelling matches with you, cried her eyes out, calmed down, sat with you to talk about whether the relationship has a future and what issues need to be worked on and made a commitment to work with you on improving the relationship. Going out to get her PUSSY absolutely RAVAGED by some random fucknut - that only achieves one thing, which is to hurt you, to get back at you. Someone who loves you doesn't do that.

Also, you didn't mention how long it took for her to jump on this guy's dick. Sounds like she already had someone in the pipeline?

This is a waste of time. The fact that you have to make the whole thing seem not so bad by saying "they're already fighting and running into problems" is just......bruh.

>>31115500
>Congratulations on getting your partner to just turn over and accept that she was the problem after you were unfaithful
That in essence is exactly what happened. She put on weight and sex got boring. I told her a bunch of times to step up. She ignored it. I went and got a little side piece for a few months. She cried and cried. Then we sat down and talked. Fast forward a year later she's toned, works out more than I do, and fucks me like her life depends on it.

But yes, I'm aware I'm a manipulative uncaring asshole and this is not your situation. Best of luck to you.

>>31115663
>what the fuck are you doing asking strangers advice on this dickhole of a site?
>go bang your art hoes.

I don't want to bang my art hoes. I just wanted some perspectives on my situation to see if it's worth waiting around or if I should bang my art hoes.

She's obviously punishing me by seeing this guy but I can't stress how much of a non threat he is and how he isn't really the issue at all. He was a mutual acquaintance of ours who made his move a couple of weeks after we broke up. I have of course gone through her phone and her conversations with her friends confirm that she's just vulnerable and trying to get validation and that she has no in interest in him longterm. And importantly that I'm kind of God's Gift to Women in bed and he can't live up to that.

Your relationship sounds loveless and sad.

>>31115647
>>31115650
This is a good and thoughtful response I'll keep this in mind.

>>31115703
>I can't stress how much of a non threat he is

Can I have our girlfriend's Insta plz? I promise I'm a non-threat, I don't even have a big dick really.

>>31115782
Why so mad?

>>31115042
Okay different take from the other anons itt (as far as I could read through it). I also have a gf that is the best thing that's happened to me, and though I didnt mess up as bad as you did, I am retarded in my own way and have tried my hand at ruining everything in a variety of ways.

From your post it seems you feel like progress is being made and that things between you are overall developing in the direction you hope for. I think if the situation truly stagnates and the door to your happiness closes, you'll get the sense for that in your stomach. It'll settle in for a couple of weeks and then you'll have an epiphany and know. Maybe writing this post is part of the process of realization, but I still sense overall optimism, so that's what I'll go with. Hang in there buddy, things will probably get better between you two.

>>31115840
Not at all mad brother. Just thought you should know that I love her as much as you do. And that I'd like to help her work through her feelings at this difficult time.

>Your relationship sounds loveless and sad.

I'll take loveless and sad over half step away from forced cuckoldry.

You say you really do have power in this situation (because she's totally on her knees begging you for the D). But also that you're forced to tolerate that she insists on sleeping with another man. So which is it?

Just go the final step already and hold the camera for them. This really is one of the most pathetic things I've ever read, and I'm the biggest slimeball I know so that's saying something.

You still haven't mentioned how long it took her to start seeing someone else. Maybe you care to elaborate on what issues led up to the cheating in the first place? These things don't usually happen spontaneously in a vacuum.

>>31115042
This arrangement isn't working for either of you. Tell her she can either take you back or cut you loose. If she refuses to choose, then stop seeing her.

>>31115042
I fucked a married woman I'm in love with. Yes, I feel bad.
She went home and told his husband.
Now they're "trying again"...
Feels so damn bad.

>>31116140
*her husband

>>31115042
You will have my time

>Cheated on my partner of 5 years for several months and then stopped and confessed to her. Completely retarded, no excuses, I fucked up

You fucked up by confessing the guilt. You showed your woman that you are emotionally weak manchild that cant control himself, cant find better partner for another relationship, cant just own being a chad and fucking several women

The problem here is her perceiving you as weak and pathetic. She oscillates between you and the fling, because fling is as pathetic and weak as you are, so her animalistic female nature cant decide who is a better choice

You fucked up by presenting you fucking another woman as guilt and misstep

You shouldve informed her that, despite her being very special to you, a man has needs so you had a play piece but that is over. And that no, it doesnt give her right to do the same, because you say so and if she doesn't like she is free to go to get some loser without side lover

It would make her mad on the conscious level, but eventually she will crawl back, get into second honeymoon period and try to fix you and relationship and be happy about it on her animal level

Women love drama, women love men who are desired by other women, women love men who are strong and dont give a fuck. But they hate weakness and lack of confidence

>>31117133
There was actually a honeymoon period after I confessed where she spent about 2 weeks sucking up to me and being crazy in bed to try to impress me but then she swung back the other way and said she couldn't get over what I did and had to leave, and then we ended up in our current spot

>>31117416
>sucking up to me and being crazy in bed to try to impress me

Good, as it should be. This is how your woman should act most of the time

>but then she swung back the other way

No. Its *but then I did something or stopped doing something that made her change behaviour*

>and said she couldn't get over what I did and had to lea

Yeah, because you acted like the man, the prize, the top quality chad and her attraction went to 10. For two weeks you send signals trying to convince her that no, you are not the chad, you are just a weak sex addict. Eventually she had to agree, attraction went from 10 to 5 and she bailed to find a proper chad instead of a fake one

Also it doesnt matter what she SAID, its her rationalisation how she feels in the moment about you. If you were to correct your behaviour, she would be back to 7 or 9

>and then we ended up in our current spot

No. And then YOU led both of you into current situation where your woman is being shared by two fuck up losers

Pay attention to what I am saying. Your perception is wrong, you dont understand women, you dont understand yourself. This situation is not salvageable, your woman slept with another. And you didn't ghost her so in your mind you will tolerate the worst, so your value is abysmal. But if you wont learn how this world works you will fail with the next one. And the next one. And the next one. And you will be bitter old depressed divorcee in a corner of a strip club with a broken heart teaching college boys that all women are snakes with tits

While reality is that women operate on instincts, their actions are predictable survival steps, they are not CHOOSING to hurt YOU, its just simple game no one taught you how to play

OP here. Just caught my ex lying about shit even though we're supposed to be being completely open and honest with each other so I ended things for real.

>>31118842
Just took some of the advice you guys gave me to heart and chadded out a little too hard and assaulted the new guy with a weapon not sure how well this is going to turn out for me

File: biebsgun.jpg (180 KB, 1169x1662)

180 KB JPG

>>31115042
>Cheated on my partner of 5 years for several months and then stopped and confessed to her.
Why the fuck would you confess to that. You basically fucked her up for the rest of her life. If you really cared about her you should have spared her feelings, break up with her and disappeared from her life.

>feeling much happier and getting along a lot better, can actually see a healthy future for us now.
you're really deluding yourself if you think you have a future together. you guys aren't married or have kids so there's nothing in your relationship that is worth staying with a cheating partner for. she'll realize that and leave your ass eventually.

>One problem, she is seeing someone else. She sees me a couple of times a week and sees him a couple of times a week. She insists she wants to be with me but says she still needs time to work through her feelings about what I did to her and isn't ready to commit to me until she does. It's been a little over 2 months.

even if that it doesn't work out with the other guy she's going to keep looking. all you're going to be is a launchpad for her next relationship retard. the fact that you're willingly putting yourself in this situation is fucking pathetic.

>How long do I tolerate this arrangement before I accept that it's over and start moving on?
She's fucking and sucking off another guy while you stay home and hope she comes back to you lol. Have some self respect and dignity you faggot. You're going to look back at this situation in a little while and realize how fucking stupid you were.

>>31115189
Women don't stop at "getting even" you fucking retard. She will continue doing what she wants regardless of what OP says.

Just going to clarify that a lot of the responses were kind of off base because I excluded or fudged several details to make this post hard to find. But yeah I really did just go nuclear and end things and then end up beating the shit out of her side piece so I don't really need any more advice. Probably going to catch an assault charge for this

I've been in your shoes OP. Sometimes we are the ones that do damage, no one is infallible.

Leave, after that happens trust can not be gained back. It's over

>>31115081
Good post.

>>31115189
Bad post.

>>31119450
Lmao nice job ruining your life even more. Hope it was worth it.

File: 1687689550190656.jpg (120 KB, 1024x533)

120 KB JPG

>>31115042
Are you blind? It's over.
Work on yourself and remember to confess your sins only to your priest. Unironically.

>>31119450
>beat the shit out of her side piece

That's kinda beta though. If you perceive yourself as being superior to him, there's no need to do this for any reason.

>>31115042
You stuck your foot in the meat grinder with this one, anon. It would probably be for the best to start fresh. Next time you fall in love, don't fuck it up.

>>31119450
>I beat this guy up for having the gall to... sleep with a single woman
If this is real, I hope they hit you with the max sentence, you troglodyte.

>>31119429
>You basically fucked her up for the rest of her life
Oh please, women bounce back incredibly quickly from cheating. It's way more traumatic for men because of the compromised paternity issue.

>>31121458
>a single woman
I'm not going to defend cheating or say cheating isn't worse but it's incredibly shitty to get into a rebound/revenge relationship while your ex is still in your life and even cheaters don't deserve that. The cheated person doesn't know or doesn't see the affair that happened, if the cheater still has feelings for the cheated it's sheer torture to watch them move on.

>>31115281
>We don't live together anymore but due to circumstances I don't want to get into I still have to go over to what used to be our shared property pretty regularly.
Explain bc this sounds like bullshit and you're still clinging to her.

>>31115042
Be a man and take the L and leave. This works if you want her back or not. If you leave she may still miss and want you but this whole holding on her and splitting her thing is just making her realize that she made the right decision and she will soon not be with you ever

>>31121502
I have a small business that uses very heavy equipment located in a building on our property, we have active jobs that I still need to work on.
The first few months after our breakup I was definitely clinging on, after she announced she was seeing someone else I've been trying to get out of there as fast as possible but I can't make the bank approve loans or realtors for industrial spaces to move faster.
I even had a home office inside of our house but after she got into her new relationship I've stopped using it. If at all possible I leave the property before she gets home from her job and if she is home when I'm there I don't go inside the house and she doesn't come inside the shop.
Obviously I'm never co-locating my business on a domestic property again, even if I own it outright.

>>31115042
It's over, dude. Once that trust is broken, it's over. Walk away.

>>31115042
I get that there's probably a sense of retribution to be gained from putting up with this for some time, but eventually it's going to go beyond her figuring shit out and turn into her just keeping you strung along for the comfort and validation.

You fucked up but it doesn't mean you can't set clear boundaries. You'll have to make it clear that you're not going to stay in this state of limbo indefinitely. If she needs more time to work through her feelings, get her to cut things off with the other fella at the least, otherwise you walk

>>31121466
They were together for 5 years. No one in a long term relationship is going to bounce back fast from being cheated on.

>>31115042
ok listen up, bitch.

>>31115081
100% correct. leave the situation YESTERDAY my nigga.
>>31115374
>I really think we are special for each other and won't find the same happiness with someone else.
this, writing this out should be red-and-blue lights in your rearview, writing this out should be a massive red flag that something is maladjusted with your life priorities. I WISH some nigga had told me this at least 2 times before in my life. I WISH some muthafucka had come told me about not getting caught up in "the one"
>man, but she's the only one that we really get each other and communicate on a higher level
no, she's usually not, and you just want to believe she is because that gives you something to hold on to. she's not, if you look at it without emotions, look at it logically. ask yourself honestly what would she truly add to your life (not emotional support or sex, it has to be a real thing that makes your life tangibly better that like a robot or AI couldn't do). Does she cook well? Does she also earn a lot of money? Is she honestly fun to be around? Those would be things that counts because not many women can do them.

Now sometimes you can find a pairing where this happens, but it's usually not a happy relationship it's more like a business deal, think the relationship kevin spacey's character in house of cards had with his wife, like that type of super cold openly-cheating-on-each-other type shit. You don't want that either man.

so just going back to what this anon said
>>31115081
>leave the situation.
start packing now

>>31125579
I'm the guy in >>31115281 and my ex is bouncing back fine. She only needed two months to get together with someone else after over 8 years together with me. We lived together for longer than OP had his relationship.
She didn't even cry when breaking up with me, but she bawled like a baby when I wouldn't immediately sign over our property to her because I wanted more time to move my business. She's fucking fine and so is OP's bitch.

Everyone who says it's over are not married.

A relationship is not over until it's over, and no relationship is without problems, which both parties need to work on. As long as she is committed, keep working on it. Your question about how long you should tolerate this is the only correct question to have in this situation. Do not do something abrupt.

The first question I would ask is how long you've been going through this? If it's been months and she hasn't gotten over things by now, it could be that she is trying other things and keeping you as a backup plan. If that is the case, move on. Once a backup plan, always a backup plan. If it's not been a long time and things are still fresh, set a deadline of 1-2 months, which shows patience on your side, and if you are committed and she doesn't know whether she can be by then, it is best for both to move on.

So to answer your question, I would say it depends on how long you've been going through this, but 1,5-2 months I would say is fair and shows patience on your end, as the person who fucked up.

>>31128175
Only good advice ITT, rest is trash.

>>31128175
This