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File: robot overlord.png (1.24 MB, 1024x1265)
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/r9k/ is an imageboard where there are no exact reposts.

1. If you attempt to post something unoriginal, it is not posted, and you are muted temporarily.
2. The time with which you are muted for doubles with each transgression.
3. Each mute time is 2^n in seconds where n is the number of times you have transgressed. So, your mute time doubles each time you fuck up.
4. Backlinks, eg >>1, are not viewed by the robot. So "lolwut" and ">>2 lolwut" are the same post, in the eyes of the robot.
5. Gibberish at the end of a post to force originality may result in mod intervention (no BLOX posts please).
6. Images are NOT included in the filter, only text.
7. Your mute count slowly decreases over time.
8. You cannot post a picture without text.
9. Unicode is blocked. Sorry, too many exploits (Cyrillic letters, etc).
10. Posts require a certain minimum amount of original content in order to be posted.
11. Post sane, real content, well thought out replies, and mutes are unlikely.
12. The original algorithm was designed by XKCD:
http://blag.xkcd.com/2008/01/14/robot9000-and-xkcd-signal-attacking-noise-in-chat/
>>
/r9k/ has no topic, but unlike /b/ Global Rule #3 is in effect. In addition, advice threads and camwhoring/hookup/"rate me" threads should go on /adv/ - Advice and /soc/ - Cams & Meetups respectively.

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I'm a 24 year old female.

I have no money. Prostitution seems like an easy way. i don't know how much I can ask for.

Clean, no STDS. Only slept with 1 guy, good face, average body ( but willing to work on it)

How much would you pay? ( if you use these services. Get out roastie is not helpful)
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>>36512585
this man walks into a whore's house, walking his invisible dog
the whore flops on the bed
gud ol bedhead
>>
>>36511109
w-w-w-on't l-l-l-l-et m-m-m-m-me delete OP's Post
>>
>>36511109
>Prostitution seems like an easy way.

God I fucking HATE women
>>
>>36512585
worst joke ive ever heard
>>
>>36511252
>>36511378
>>36512008
>>36512093
>buying gf
oreganoli

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I have not fapped in 4 days.

I have been looking forward to this all day. What are some ways I make this a more enjoyable fap? Techniques, suggestions on what to watch.. ect

If robots can give advice on anything, its this.
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>>
>>36509350
>cut self
>fap while raking fingernails through cuts
>cum buckets
>light cigarette and enjoy afterglow

No need to thank me. I've been considering scarfing a donut between cumming and smoking too, for that extra sensory overload
>>
>>36511038
On the upstroke, twist your hand leftwards over the top so that the inside of your palm rakes across the tip of your head and your hand can go back down your dick but upside down (thumb on bottom, pinky on top). You can masturbate the whole way like this. I do it occasionally just for extra pleasure. But if you want to overstimulate, don't go all the way back down, just keep raking your palm back and forth across the head. If you do this while you're cumming you will literally scream. It's hard for me to explain without showing you.
>>
>>36510670
a slap fap, nice
>>
Rub prostate, it's a no brainer if you haven't fapped for a while and want to moan your heart out
>>
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>>36511694
A connoisseur of masturbation.

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i reached the stage where looking at porn makes me angry
im gonna snap like that nigger

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IF you ever get a girlfriend, then that means she's out there right now. Living, breathing, laughing, loving.

Aren't you curious to know who she is? Why you're going to fall in love with her? How you're going to breathe, laugh and love together?

If there's one thing you could say to this person right now, what would it be?

And if she's there... why aren't you looking for her right now?
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>>36512667
fucking love that vid

ree
>>
>>36512674
She seen it before. No big deal, she doesn't care about it. Pics of other actual girls would be an issue though I think.
>>
>>36512025
I can be selfish and I can be cruel. I think of myself as a bad person and a waste of space. There's nothing in life that I'm good at. I'm basically just stumbling through life hoping something will change me on the inside. Something that can take the pain away and make life not such a struggle. I'm a mess and I know it, I need your support because I can barely support myself at times. I want to get better for you but you're not here yet. I'll continue to live a half-assed life and wish I were dead every second.

If you'd still love me through that, support me, and just be there for me. I'll love you forever, my loyalty is like that of a dog. Then maybe life won't be so bad. Maybe I'll find a reason to keep trying. Maybe I won't be so empty. Maybe I'll finally be good.
>>
>>36512749
>I'm basically just stumbling through life hoping something will change me on the inside.
I feel this. That's too familiar.
>>
>>36512025
>IF you ever get a girlfriend, then that means she's out there right now

sure, but it seems fairly unlikely i will ever get a girlfriend

>Aren't you curious to know who she is? Why you're going to fall in love with her? How you're going to breathe, laugh and love together?

i am about as curious about these things as i am curious about what i would do if a plane i were in crashed

that is: in the very unlikely event that it happened, any idle conjecture beforehand regarding the who, what, why, would be completely meaningless

>If there's one thing you could say to this person right now, what would it be?

uh
hello?

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

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>Anon, we're at the beach! take off your shirt :) I hope you aren't shy!
>>
io non capisco peRCHE' NON STAI ZITTA CHE S TA I FATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

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wakey wakey eggs and bacey
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>>
>at work
>upset tummy
>been on the toilet since 10
>finally feel like iv finished
>start wiping my bum
>start shitting everywhere again

fuck sake
>>
how does it feel to have a girl sit on your shoulders?
>>
Hey Thanks perfect reply! I tried a few eps of Akagi and I think I'll try Kaiji insteaad. I'll also try those other niche ones, thanks alot :3
>>
>>36512744

Not normal that m8. Time to see your GP and get referred to a psychiatrist for assessment for psychosis/schizophrenia.
>>
>>36512715
I'll never see them again
Next year I'll have a private flat all to myself

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*yawns and stretches*

Ahhh. Oh, why, hello there little wagie. Have you enjoyed your weekend free from slavery? Well, I hope you did. Your free time is over now. Better get to bed soon! You know what they say: another day, another dollar.

And me? Oh, I'm just collecting my neetbux. My savings is over 10k now, I sleep most of the day, and I have nothing to worry about besides my waifu. Work reaaaaally hard for me this week, okay? I've got checks to collect!
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>>36512372
i apply to tons of scholarships when i have the time. i see it as taking an extra class since you have to do a lot of essays sometimes. you have nothing to lose and its better than graduating with debt. my god, wagies these days.
>>
>>36512324
Nice try wagie. Too bad more and more are turning to neetdom every day in the west. We're crashing this civilization with no survivors.
>>
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>>36512600
>tfw we're too smart to fall for their traps
wagies are just so miserable they want us to suffer too. this is just pathetic
>>
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wagies: the doltish slaves filled with envy
>>
How much neet bux do you make a month OP? Did you fake retardation?
I only get 906 CDN dollars a month for my disability

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ITT: times where we almost died
I'll start:

>be me
>play vidya and watch animu all day
>after entire day of being curled up in my chair decide to go on a walk to stretch my muscles
>feelsgood.jpg
>I love taking walks, not only is it the most relaxing part of my day but it's also healthy
>also the only physical activity I do
>after taking a stroll to the river I head back home
>like always I'm lost in my mind, thinking about gay shit like the meaning of live etc.
>suddenly I hear someone loudly whistle and shout something
>turn around to see a guy in a car pointing to my right
>just as I look to my right a train passes by
>I didn't even notice a fucking train track in front of me

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
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>be me
>3 or something years old
>in a chair rollie thingie (I don't know the name)
>fucking around with the heavy ass tv for some stupid reason
>managed to somehow push it off
>the tv lands on top of me
>the chair thingie saves me by taking the impact from the tv
>if I wasn't in that chair thingie I would've gotten crushed

Oh, and I almost choked to death on a grape when I was 4 or 5. I don't remember that though. My dad said he was the one who got the grape out of my throat while my mom and brother did nothing but scream and panic.

Also, tv looked like pic related but around 3 or so times the size
>>
>>36512568
ill post one more then and you might like it more
skipping over me being mugged again by a grown man and getting stomped ill go to something more the other anons can relate to.
>be me
>no talents
>no friends
>no worthy skills other than drawing my own hentai
>my mom has been a cunt all my life
>sleeping with a lot of men when i was a child so i learned how to make food on my own and stuff since my dad couldnt be around after the divorce and court said he wasnt allowed to see me much
>she didnt care much about me is what i mean
>we were living with her boyfriend
>they talked or something one night and the next morning told me it was time for my big adventure out into life as an adult
>"youll learn lots of lessons anon im sure of it"
>i sleep on the park bench that night
>i was homeless for 3 years

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>
>>36494545
I can just imagine you passed out 1/2 way in the tub where your sister was going to take a bath with your dick caked in jizz and your shorts on your ankles while you sing cruel angel's thesis in your head.
>>
>>36512298
ye, suprises me too
>>
>>36512695
Oh, and another thing, my dad almost accidentally killed me when he was playing with me as a baby. He accidentally flinged me across the room and I landed on my head.

[Spoiler] maybe that explains why I'm a stupid shut in neet [/Spoiler]

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My conversation with my dad minutes ago

>anon we spoke to your grandparents and they want you to live with them in Guangzhou (a city in China) to make your normal again, what do you think?
>I'm not sure, I'll think about it
>well it doesn't seem like you're getting better, if you're going to be at home most of the time, you might as well try living in china. You can go with your grands to buy a computer once you're there.
>okay I'll think about it and let you know
>you can't keep being like this, just remember that.
Looks like my family's had enough of me too. Help
10 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>36512679
My dad said i need to learn to appreciate hardwork and that western upbringing has cucked me
>>
>>36512705
He's probably right

but moving to your grandparents to "learn hard work" sounds like torture waiting to happen, so maybe tell them you want to be independent. Either way you proabbly need to move away from your parents or it's just going to get worse.
>>
>>36512450
Mods, stop this madness pls.
>>
>/r9k/ is an imageboard where there are no exact reposts.

This post kills original content . Make it stop.
>>
>>36512631
Hi chinalady do you want to be my gf

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>"Good morning Anon, what do you want for breakfast today?"
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>>36512224
>>36512384
Seriously it's only been a month. You can still do this. Just find an excuse but make sure you mentioned that you missed her.
>>
>>36512404
i just cant anon. she expects me to be outgoing and confident when in reality im 10x more autistic than she is. being around her was frustrating
>>
>>36512436
Ooh I can see how that'd tire you out. Well then here's my advice. Invite her to do something just you two. It can be "out" but not crowded. You gotta think about how please both of you. I believe in you.
>>
>>36512219
So, when are you fasting?
>>
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I just don't want to wake up.

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Gay or bi feels thread?

Sure it gets better. It'll be okay.
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>>36511390

>Man I wish I were gay

I instantly know someone is a normalfag when they say this. True robots want to be free of all sexual and romantic desire.

Also, being gay is a mental illness. Straight is ok, but asexual is best.
>>
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>>36511390
It does get better, not easier, you'll always have to try for happiness, but it does get better if you do.
>>
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>>36511390
You must be a dumb nigger.
Only a fucking retard would make a thread like this.
Fucking fags shitting up this board.
Go celebrate your mental illness on >>>/lgbt/.
pic related, it's your thread.
>>
>>36511447
>It does get better, not easier, you'll always have to try for happiness, but it does get better if you do.
When will it get easier
>>
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>tfw the people that make me happiest to be around have all been feminine and extremely nice gay men but they don't want anything to do with me
Where can a beta find nice gay men e.g not bitchy to be friends with?

autistic lain poster back at it. Hows your day going?

http://steamcommunity.com/id/sakiimy/
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>>
>>36511854
>"shut" posters
What?

>>36512151
Left the server without saying anything. I just hope it was because they needed to concentrate on something and needed to get away from distractions.
>>
Anyone want to play PUBG I'm usually on from 9am-2pm est http://steamcommunity.com/id/illuzionofdeath
>>
>>36503215
weren't these threads filtered?
>>
http://steamcommunity.com/id/HiroNoXP/

no degeneracy allowed
and by that i mean "trap desu :3" faggots
weebs are accepted
>>
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Some guys on /tv/ invited to watch a movie.
Then I told them I'm Native American.
They told me I'm pathetic, a loser, an alcoholic, and our entire race deserves extinction.
They told me I deserve to die.
I said I'm sorry, and they kept hurting me.
I cried all night.
I did everything, watch movies, played video games, drank.
I even messaged someone I met online.
To hear everyone to you to die, that hurts.

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>tfw raised by narcicistsic parents

You robots will never know what its like to be someone who could have been an alpha. And your own parents broke you down just because you were something beautiful. Something they hate.
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>>36512597
faggoriginale
>>
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>>36512678
I had a feeling you were the ostentatious faggpt that pierced himself. They're obviously not going to be droopy in that picture because of the angle.


It doesn't matter- I know you cherrypick all your pictures. Try looking this good in a candid pic
>>
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>>36512451
>Was beaten a lot to not become a failure
>Talked down
>Depressed genetics
>They try to make up for it
>mfw
>>
>>36512719
the more pics you post of him the more i begin to think you have a latent homosexual desire for him
>>
>>36512746
>goalpostmoving

He's an example of a 9, not you rodent

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it's that time again, robots
calculate your scores and share

if your score is 95+, please escort yourself to the door
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Got 88

Am not even in highschool yet
>>
>>36512605

haha you sound like some school shooter level shit then
>>
uhm

117 desu
>>
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>>36512550
>>36512516
>>36512562
>>36512543

origanol
>>
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22
A lot worse than I expected


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