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/r9k/ is an imageboard where there are no exact reposts.

1. If you attempt to post something unoriginal, it is not posted, and you are muted temporarily.
2. The time with which you are muted for doubles with each transgression.
3. Each mute time is 2^n in seconds where n is the number of times you have transgressed. So, your mute time doubles each time you fuck up.
4. Backlinks, eg >>1, are not viewed by the robot. So "lolwut" and ">>2 lolwut" are the same post, in the eyes of the robot.
5. Gibberish at the end of a post to force originality may result in mod intervention (no BLOX posts please).
6. Images are NOT included in the filter, only text.
7. Your mute count slowly decreases over time.
8. You cannot post a picture without text.
9. Unicode is blocked. Sorry, too many exploits (Cyrillic letters, etc).
10. Posts require a certain minimum amount of original content in order to be posted.
11. Post sane, real content, well thought out replies, and mutes are unlikely.
12. The original algorithm was designed by XKCD:
http://blag.xkcd.com/2008/01/14/robot9000-and-xkcd-signal-attacking-noise-in-chat/
>>
/r9k/ has no topic, but unlike /b/ Global Rule #3 is in effect. In addition, advice threads and camwhoring/hookup/"rate me" threads should go on /adv/ - Advice and /soc/ - Cams & Meetups respectively.

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Do not post pictures of yourself on /r9k/.
Do not post threads asking for pictures of other users.

All "rate me" and camwhoring threads belong on /soc/.

>>>/soc/

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>havent had sex for 6 years
>get invited home from a girl that is ugly
>decided fuck it
>have sex with said girl
Everything was bad, from her pussy, it just felt like one of those handheld pussy tubes and i couldnt find her hole and i came after 1 minute

Later she says she says she wants to be in a relationship and im not into that. I would be embarrased to be seen together with her

Fuck that, vidya and being alone in room feels like the best life choice now

Any related stories?
22 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>43459001
So you're not a shut-in then? Why did you say you were a shut-in if you are just a homebody? Fuck off, norman.
>>
>>43459001

Kek, why is it so wrong to presume that a shut-in on r9k of all fucking places would have all of those things apply to him?
>>
>>43459038
I'm not sharing my income with you, you shrimp-dicked literal faggot. No more of this 20 questions nonsense, I'm done indulging your stupid horseshit.
>>43459043
"HURRDURR WHEN DESCRIBING WHY HE SIGNED UP FOR ONLINE DATING HE SAID "SHUT-IN" WHEN I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED HE USE "HOMEBODY!" I HAVE NO ABILITY TO READ CONTEXT AND I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS UPSET IN MY LIFE!"
>>
>>43459052
Because you're taking one detail and the board we're on and creating a fucking nonexistent caricature baselessly, retard.
>>
>>43458927
Hes right.
>so what are your hobbies anon?
>uhh buhh uhh r-reading, l-liffin weights duhhh ermmm tv
>cool, what are your friends like?
>buhhh duhhh umm theyre cool just uhh chill like to drink go to the bars and shit
>cool, what bars?
>buhhh duh ermmm *coughs into fist* just random local pubs sometimes to microbreweries..
*cheeks flushed from lying*
*diverts to her interests again *

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He needed love and he never received it. Some people don't understand that humans, especially young adults who never receive love and are alone in this world are more likely to stop caring about humans and society. If you look at him he seems empty with no emotions. He doesn't know how to love anybody because he was never loved by anyone.
48 replies and 11 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
pig relaged
>>
>>43458988
Those who are raised by single mothers are predispositioned to violently chimp out. You're also a probably a nigger yourself because I clearly only brought up their intelligence as a reason to why they don't stay in school.
>>
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>>43459029
>neanderthals that don't know how to bathe
The afro-centrist memes, lmao.

>>43459035
Those are Jews.
>>
>>43459029
Africa couldn't even build a wheel or create a written language long before the evil white man arrived. You ape.
>>
>>43459029
Ooh, that's an embarrassing thing to say. It depresses me when black people actually buy into the "kangs" bullshit. It's the African equivalent of the fedora tipping neckbeard.

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>I will never leave Russia
Why the fuuuck is life so unjust? You fucking westerners, you don't know how good and easy you have it. Despite all the flaws, shitskins and gubbermint failures, your life is still not comparable to the hell that is Russia. Poverty, depression, dumb people, shit weather... It's fucking hell. I even think that African niggers have it better. At least they die young and get to fuck a lot. And have good weather.
You fuckers be glad to be born in a first world country.
185 replies and 29 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>43458863
Have you done it? Or just read a few stories about it on the internet?
>>
>>43454997
I live in a country far worse than Russia but thankfully, my father makes a good amount of money. I will emigrate next year.
>>
>>43455179
feminism is quickly taking over the world and we really need to fucking stop it. it will be the decline of our species
>>
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>>43458560
Found the Olgino bot. Go back to 2ch.
>>
Have anyone of the burgers who claim that Russia is great actually been here? Anywhere aside from 3 biggest cities?
I've traveled through both coasts of USA and a bit on the South-central states. You fuckers are delusional to think that your life is comparable to small Russian towns. I can't believe that niggers could ruin ALL THAT since early 2010's.
And I've seen as many niggers(well, a bit more) as I see in Moscow while I lived in Seattle for 2 months.

CYOA General
>"Escapism and play take the worries away" Edition

Comfy and relaxing, just as you like it anon
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>>43458996
Wait, one more part 5/5
>>
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I always liked this one because Guyver was awesome
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One or two more
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Original.Comment.2423234
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>>43458911
actually I'd change the additional environment to subterranean because of the bioluminescent fungi/plants and the luminescent minerals. so overall it would be 25% forest (a bit less than I'd like but you have to compromise for variety), 25% mountain, 25% lake and 25% unusual and cool caverns.

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fembots, tell me why you're not in a relationship
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>>43459008
God damn it.
I fucking hate you people, but you say funny things sometimes.
>>
>>43459017
I wouldn't date a hamplanet, but there is something about having a giant living marshmallow grind away on top of you, smothering you with her soft flesh. Try it sometime. It's oddly addictive.
>>
>>43458048
>Yes I do. Its just that no amount of makeup can fix my ugly. Being thin doesn't magically make you attractive. I was ugly before the fat happened.
iktf femanon. There is no point in maintaining a slim figure when you are already rejected by everyone for being ugly. It makes no difference.
>>
>>43459030
Yeah same! Thank you for answering the questions anon! I wish you all the best with your girl
>>
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>>43459017
>no one likes fat bitches.
But I do.

How do I test whether I'm the only conscious being in existence? How do I know if any of you even exist and aren't just simulated? Can anybody refute my theory and show me that you exist as well?
13 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>43458898
It's only weird because you may as well post your own fetishes and how to provide access to them, given that you live in an infinity reality where such a God is looking for direct access to you (robot/male/female). So long as you are a slut, you'll be answered by Simon.

It just helps our matching algorithm because basically what A.I. was going to be was a 'dating service matcher' and OKCupid fails.
>>
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>>43458898
Cyborgology would have been something I submitted to, yup.
>>
>>43458950
I'm not sure I follow, I lost you with the sexual stuff.
>>
>mfw I just dabbed while at least one girl was on the same continent as me
AHAHAHAHAHA, GOODBYE VIRGINS
>>
nice try, figment-of-my-imagination

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What are other robots sippin' tonight?
Rip it, reporting in.
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>>43458685
Pretty sure you can order cases off of Amazon
>>
>>43458658
Ehh no.
In fact, the aspartame leaves a gross feeling in my stomach.
>>
Yeah. Is energy drink addiction a real thing? Because i think its real.
>>
>>43459041
Addiction to anything is real, whether it be mentally or physically.

For me I think it's more of an energy drink habit and a caffeine addiction. I can drink coffee instead of having an energy drink but I just prefer the convenience of energy drinks.
>>
>>43459041
>is caffeine addiction a real thing?
wew

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Cause it's true.
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>>
>>43457887
Can't find any bimbo blond bitch attractive.
subhumans are attracted to blondes bcuz they are brainlets. Fite me primitive manlets
>>
>>43457887
>he thinks he can have standards
>>
>>43457887
The blonde is clearly a turbo Stacy that gets over 50k likes in Instagram in a single day.
>>
>>43458306
this
I can't find blond bimbos attractive, I don't know how people can do it.
>>
>>43457887
the jewish man desires that which he wishes to destroy

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I am very tired and I don't want to wake up every day at 5am and work for 12 hour. What do have to do to get neetbux?
3 replies omitted. Click here to view.
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>>43458213
Ye

It's horrible
>>
>>43458286
Is it through a temp agency? Anyway you better try to get some retail or office work, warehouse is neckyourself/10.
>>
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>>43458106
You wagecuck 12 hours a day? How do you not fucking kill yourself? How many hours a day do you actually have free time? (Not that you do anything in those hours anyway, you must be exhausted).
>>
>>43458319
That's it I'm going to kill myself
>>
But honestly, where does OP have to live to need to work 12h a day to barely make a living?
Maybe you live above your earnings?
I live in Europoor Poland, and work 20h a week in a local Home Depot equivalent (mostly weekends and late shifts), and I have enough money to rent a room, pay bills and I have time to shitpost whole day when I'm not working.
I eat simple own cooked products, mostly vegetable soups and stews, meat occasionally once or twice a week, I walk to work, ride bicycle everywhere else, ride it for pleasure too. I play games, watch anime (both pirated) and shitpost. I don't go out, if I meet with someone its only for board games or for LAN party which costs nothing. I buy my clothes in bulks over the net, or buy some second hand shit.

I would even need to earn less if I moved back to my family house, but for now I'll stay here.

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ITT ways to trigger normies.
I'll start
>your mother is a disgusting worn out whore
I have no idea why Norman gets so defensive about this.
11 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>43458614
>>mumble incoherently and then talk really loud and really slow when they ask "what"
I actually do this, pretty amusing reactions
>>
I work in a coffee shop, and the list clearly has multiple sizes listed but faggot customers constantly forget to specify and I have to ask. Well, I did until one day I decided to just charge for a large every time they pull this shit.

>Uh, I didn't want one this big
>Hey, what do you mean it's that much last time it was only this much
>I just wanted a normal size
Fucc these norms mang
>>
>>43458614
>close every door you go through, making sure to rattle it vigorously to make sure the latch catches

kek
>>
>>43457372
Tell one "I'm gonna rape your mother tonight" and get ready for violence just in case
>>
>>43458614
>mispronounce common words
>refer to people by the wrong name but not consistently
>answer the phone with silence, shout "Hello?" when they start talking, do this a few times
>repeat things back wrong
>clap or snap off-beat to music in the store, or sing the words wrong
>whistle your S's a little bit
>abruptly change pace when walking next to someone
>interrupt conversations about pop culture things to talk about the exact same thing
>respond to texts three or four words at a time
>wander off partway through conversations when their head is turned
>all screens are touch screens
>double click everything
>use bing to search yahoo to do searches
>type with one or two fingers, but switch it up

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

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I did the mbti shit and got this, what does it mean?
1 reply omitted. Click here to view.
>>
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>>43457683
Chart related
>>
>>43457871
What's a shit mountain? Also hard work doesn't give me an erection.....
>>
you're pretty much chad
>>
>>43457897
It's inaccurate in a lot of ways. ESTJs get an erection from hard work, and the only thing that may throttle their libido is producing anything of worth.
ENTJs on the other hand are turned on by climbing the corporate ladder and constantly improving themselves and what they have in life. They go to great lengths to make sure others think well of them, not because they particularly care about their opinion, just because it's useful for when they need them to do something. Like other NT types they like ideas, but mostly only if they're useful for their current projects. They also think feelings are for the weak.
>>
>>43457683
>mbti
it's astrology tier

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She is going to stream for 24 hours at 4 pm Central as a sort of final goodbye. Truly the end of an era. Show her some love!
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>>
Almost 12 hours in and still no raids. Pathetic.
>>
>>43455164
There is still hope
oregano
>>
Her playing DnD is so fucking boring
>>
>>43456764
I want to be a cutie girl and cuddle under that duvet with her so much
>>
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>>43458893
you just went full gay
never go full gay

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>has a date to senior prom
>shoots up the school anyway
>>
didn't want to date the fatty?
>>
>>43459022
They went "as friends". He was friendzoned, Robyn probably ditched him and fucked Chad that night.


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