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Preschool edition 2: Electric Boogaloo

ITT:
>we discuss Current, Finished and Upcoming CYOAs.
>Give advice on CYOAs
>Pitch ideas
>Get critiques

List of stories: http://anonpone.pineapplecomputing.com/

Read this advice first:
http://anonpone.pineapplecomputing.com/advice
http://www.tgchan.org/wiki/Advice

>What day is best?

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>
all memes past this post are null
>>
first for +2 punishment
>>
Whispen is a pretty stallion.
>>
>>24069682
Third for dank mem-
>>24069694
FUCK
>>
all memes past this post are non-null
8^)

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can you draw a pony version of shia?
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>>24069664
CAN!
>>
>>24069678
NOTHING
>>
soundtrack to this thread:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dOWas7aOr0
>>
>>24069691
IS
>>
>>24064938
oh shit

>Ponyville seems to be a hotbed of excitement these days. Between the dragons roosting in the mountains, horrid monsters wandering out from the Everfree Forest, ancient ruins discovered deep in the earth, and the ever-presenting of all-out war between the Equestrians and the Gryphons, it seems like everypony looking for fame or fortune is flocking to this town.
>It is an age of knights, adventurers, dark magics, and destined heroes.
>You are none of these things. Your crowning moment of valour was when you wrestled with a particularly ornary chicken while working at your cousin's restaurant. And even being generous, you had to concede that that battle ended in a draw.
>And yet even though your arrival in Ponyville was greeted by a half-eaten sign that said 'welc o yvill', you felt confident that you would find your own fortune in this newfounded capital of chaos.
>You might not be some famed warrior or powerful wizard, but you had your wits and your determination and an old tavern-and-inn left to you by your father, whom you've never known since he was a jackass who ran off on your mother. Served him right, you figured; if he hadn't run off maybe he wouldn't have met his end being carried off by a pack of vampiric jackalops (according to the laywer's letter).
>It wasn't going to be running a five-star hotel in Canterlot, but with any luck, it'd be better than slaving away in a kitchen.
"Run an inn...how hard could that be?" you mutter to yourself.
>Such a question you'd feel more confident about if it weren't for the fact that a dragon happened to be circling in the sky over the town. The city guard that greeted you at the outskirts assured you this was 'perfectly normal,' which only made you wonder what passed for abnormal around here.

Welcome to 'Just Another Day', where you hope to find your fortunes, or at least a meagre living, running the local tavern-and-inn in Ponyville. Assuming you survive long enough. But first thing's first...what kind of pony are you?
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>>24069231
>>24069250
>>24069277
>>24069283

>Considering you've had enough problems already within your property, potentially causing another commotion would likely risk some structural damage. If the changeling had managed to sleep through all the noise you've made thus far, it probably wasn't going to wake up if you quietly backed away.
>You cautiously glance over to where Azura was; she was idling in the hall, looking at the hole in the floor in particular.
"Well, top floor looks clear," you said as quietly as you can without making it obvious.
>"Good. Though I'm not even sure why I'm wasting time with you. I could be out continuing my hunt...far away from any spiders," Azura replied, muttering the last part under her breath.
"Listen, if spiders are more than you can handle, I can find somebody who'll take the job," you explain as you head back downstairs, making sure that Azura followed you away from the slumbering changeling.
>"It's not more than I could handle!" Azura scoffed. "I would just rather not bother. It's probably hardly worth my hard. Umm...but hypothetically speaking, how much might you be willing to pay?"

You have a thousand bits to your name, currently. Do you make her an offer?
>>
>>24069524
Well how about 100 bits plus you can loot anything you want from the spiders.
>>
>>24069524
Ask what's the going rate between her and a bug exterminator. Also though in the life time Discount on wine. gotta sweeten the deal

But don't disclose how much you actually have to her. She might try to haggle for more
>>
>>24069524
You need money for repairs and supplies first. Tell her you'll get back to her with an offer.
>>
>>24069568

This.

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CASE FILE : NORTHERN EXCURSION
FOR PRIVILEGED EYES ONLY
http://anonpone.pineapplecomputing.com/northern
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>>
>>24069570
>"Why wouldn't you?"
Because there's no tangible or intangible gain.
Because it could easily be refuted if the orb turned out to be a rock or some other inorganic structure.
Because lying is extremely unprofessional in our line of work
Because compromising trust can be clinical dangerous in your profession.
Because I don't want to be fired for intentionally compromising the mission
>>
>>24069650
This
>>
>>24069646
Perhaps she's one of those /sci/ elitists that think "psychology is just applied chemistry, and it's not even a real science."
>>
>>24069650
This.

We have every reason to NOT lie.

I do agree with Terra on the point that we've made extraordinary claims with no real evidence.
But I don't think that excuses her rudeness...
>>
>>24069570
if i'm lying or delusional then you're still back at square one where your woefully inadequate lab prtocedures have discovered nothing while endangering yourself and this facility.

if i'm notl ying, allowing me to attempt further communication could lead to me asking it to talk to the rest of you.

surely terra realizes just how fired she's going to be after what we've seen in the last 10 minutes, so why the sudden interest in rigour.

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>Um, Anon?
>You're on the swim team now, aren't you?
>i don't think you should be on it
>the other boys seem to be very loud, and rude, and seem to hurt each other's um... n-nipples... for.. fun.
>A-are you gay anon?
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>>
>rape
"Does that answer your question?"
>>
>>24069617
So I can't violently scoop other men's nipples in the shower while talking about smoking weed while wearing very tight and small speedos, and then proceeding to swim 2k WITHOUT being gay?
>>
>>24069617
First of all, it's almost scary how much in-depth knowledge you have of what happens on the swim team.

Second, I think I can handle myself around some purple-nurpling punk teenagers.
>>
>>24069617
Reminds me of my high school days where the "jocks" would pick someone to rape in the locker room everyday. Shit was very gay.
>>
>>24069686
>the "jocks" would pick someone to rape in the locker room everyday
...did you graduate in prison?

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Episode 513 : Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?
Story by Jayson Thiessen and Jim Miller
Written by Scott Sonneborn

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2xp2fu

Friendship is Magic #32 storytimed here!
>>23972638

Games and sports are most certainly not wanting in Equestria. Outside of the athleticism displayed during the Equestria Games, there's enthusiasts in any corner of the country. Cutie marks are formed for individual game balls! Hoofball cards are collected and exchanged! But all that has been peripheral to grand excursions, and besides Applejack's more concerned with rodeo. Still, there must be events to follow there - probably leagues organized as well. Just how many and how frequent is something to explore.

Does/did Rarity's dad play? Did the Crystal Empire's return shake up the sports world? Will that one pony ever have a chess opponent as skilled as Apple Bloom was for a short time?

>>24061259
Previous thread.
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>>24069610
rarity's dad seems like the kind of guy who'd invite you over to his house to enjoy some grilled veggies, cider, and watching a hoofball game
>>
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odds: do it
evens: pone
dubs: do it anyway AND pone
0: beb
>>
>>24069653
>he invites you over all clandestine-like, afraid the wife might overhear
>he says he's going to make you some steaks
>could it be?! does he have a taste for blood
>will you finally get to eat something savory in this hellish vegan paradise
>you eagerly follow, mouth watering at the distant memories of prime rib and t-bones
>rarity's dad throws back the platter cover to reveal mushroom steaks
>>
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>>24069675
>>
>>24069653
Shame his daughter turned out to be such a slut.

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PREVIOUSLY ON THE DARLINGS AGAINST NATURE PROGRAM
>>23963507
>What is a 'Satyr Abomination' thread about?
A satyr is what happens when a human and a pony decide to get freaky and end up having a child. This thread is dedicated to the art and written works about these lovable creatures.
>What are the rules to 'Satyr Abomination' threads?
It was decided that the best way to nurture and produce content was to adhere to a near complete lack of rules.
>Satyr Character
Anything is a variable. Names, gender, personality, background. It's all free game to be decided at the writers' and artists' discretion. Same thing goes for physical traits. You can have satyrs that can fly or magic shit, or not. Some keep such things vestigial. Cutie marks haven't really been addressed yet, but again, whatever the writer/artist wants.
>Written Story
As far as the written story itself is concerned, much of the same can be said. You can greentext, you can write in prose, you can use multiple POVs (how you utilize this is up to you), or anything else.
>Story Elements
A large chunk of Satyr Abomination Thread's work is about parental feels. Of course you don't have to do that at all. We've got happy and sad feels, incest, adventure, and short snippets of everyday family life. It's generally all about the family unit here. Or a broken family, that works too.
Master List:
http://pastebin.com/RFgtrECq
Story by Parent:

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>>
>>24069458
>Discussion
>Not story
Dismissed.
>>
>>24069501
This is just kinda how things are around here now, Sterks. Really sorry about that.
>>
>>24069514
Screaming angrily at each other? ... Sadly, probably true. I don't much like the nostalgia fags, but I miss when it wasn't so obvious how screamy the thread is.
>>
>>24069501
Draw what you want, and don't try to appease or fill in artwork at others' behest; indecision and lack of commitment is your true enemy. If you really want to fill in artwork for missing satyrs, choose a few and inquire about them actively, then make your own content for them.

People are getting pissy because everyone has their favorites, and not every satyr gets the same amount of attention. Whenever a contributor of any kind shows up, they're fought over like a piece of meat in a tiger cage. Ignore them.

At worst, make your own satyr. As a drawfag, people will be less inclined to turn you away.
>>
>>24069539
>At worst, make your own satyr.
That's my master plan right now. And let me tell you what. Is gon' be gud! But not really.

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Let's get hypothetical.

You're a writer whose been going at it for a bit now. You really enjoy what you do and put your blood, sweat, and tears into each story. One day, you decide to post it in a random thread to get some feedback.

Just one problem: No takers.
You wonder if you should even bother writing; you decide to quit and move on to something else.

If that story applies to you, then hold your horses. If all you wanted was feedback, improve your writing skills a bit, or maybe just see how others do it, then you've come to the right place. There are a few rules however:

>Posting the story directly in the thread is preferred over a link to pastebin, FiMFiction, etc.*

>One story at a time

>Don't be a dick or asshole when reading or critiquing


Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
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>>
>>24046413
Looks like my request from last night got flipped, so you're on deck, bud.

>>24059359
Depends on your chapter length more than amount of chapters. I'd say you can get away with three factions, if you're intelligent with your overlap and know how to write an efficient plot. Still a good chance the whole story seems too busy, though. I'd say two villain factions would be safer.

>>24068471
I love a good subplot, but they can be tricky. Scribble is correct in saying that the main challenge is incorporating it into the rest of the story. You have to also have a good sense of time in your head, so that you can keep track of what one plot is doing when you're focusing on the other. They don't alternate like links in a chain, you know; they're running parallel. When you spend three chapters on one plot, you have to then jump three chapters ahead from where you left off on the subplot, which can be hard if your story isn't fleshed out really well. You can use them in any story, really, but they're easiest in stories with larger casts of characters, because there's more room for interaction and plot crossover.
>>
>>24068795
You said exactly what I was trying to say in a much, much clearer way.

Anon, listen to little guy.
>>
>>24046413
Hoo-wee, nice quick read. Here comes a nice quick critique.

The pony aspect of this story seems like more of a side-note than anything else, which makes sense, considering what you're doing with technology here. In a sci-fi world, anything that would ordinarily be done with magic is done with science, rendering the ponies' primary story function (magic) moot. Any kind of character could have been driving in that race, is what I'm saying, which means that you're not incorporating your source material very well.

I found the first post to be actually pretty interesting. However, once you introduced the EMP, my heart sank a little. It was like I was playing F-Zero and enjoying the white knuckle, gotta go fast adrenaline, but then flipped over to Mario Kart halfway through my race. I think the use of weapons in a sanctioned race cheapens the whole world, in other words. It makes it harder to suspend my disbelief, because now I have to imagine a place with much dodgier rules and logistics than "the fastest one wins."

That's actually the main thing. It's so short, I can't go on about much else. The boss gets angry too quickly, I guess; having an emotion flare that leads to physical force is pretty overdone, and the line "Anti-Gravity Racing is my life!" seems a little stilted, as well as his racism against earth ponies, though I think I see where you want to go with it.

Final critique: proofread. You're missing apostrophes and commas in places, which is unbecoming.

On the positive side of things, I did, again, like the race up until the EMP missile came into play, and, as small a point as it is, I like the character name Miss Slip Stream. This has the makings of a fun little sci-fi jape, a real crowd-pleaser. 1/1
>>
>>24068564
Yes, it did answer the question. Thanks, man
>>24068597
>You'll need to balance her with some faults and weaknesses, which is perfect, because you're also missing from that document mention of her occasionally getting despondent of her position, and fantasizing about chucking the whole thing. If you can make her weak in that way, that'll humanize the hell out of her
I didn't consider that, but when you said it, it became clear as day
>As for Anon, all I can say is, you can never be too careful with your amnesia
I understand your concern. I'm modeling Anon's condition after Clive Wearing, though not nearly as severe. Amnesia really is a fascinating disorder. A person becomes incapable of forming new episodic memories, yet can still learn skills, processes, and gain knowledge. You put an amnesiac in a house for a while, and they will eventually learn their way around it, even if they have no idea where they are. And it's also interesting how they retrieve information. As with Clive, if you asked him who his wife was, he'd tell you that he doesn't have a wife, but if his wife was in the room and he was asked who the lady was, he would be able to tell you that it was his wife, Deborah, and he could learn how to play new pieces of music. It's not uncommon to lose a set of stored memories, but most cases of amnesia are solely when the patient loses the ability to create and store new memories
>>
>>24069635
>I find it difficult to believe that he would feel this way in a setting so concretely unfamiliar to him. I think he would be more introspective, maybe even suspicious.
This is something that hadn't even crossed my mind, and probably never would have. I'm glad you pointed this out. Though, how would you recommend I go about this introspection? Would it be better to slip little bits of internal dialogue as he's experiencing them, or would it be better for him to reflect on it when he's got more time to sit and digest it all? I'm not doubting your advice, I'm just trying to think of a way for Anon to address his feelings without it being awkward. I want the reader and Anon to come to the same conclusion about his feelings at the same time, and I feel like if I don't handle it properly, the audience will come to the conclusion long before Anon does
>handle your characters' emotional growth carefully. Anon's and the wife's will not be in tandem most of the time, because hers is gradual and his is staccato. When they are in the same place (which, I think, they should be seldom), it should be occasion for celebration, and great story focus.
I planned on the deep connection between the two to really happen right at the end. I don't know how I'd be able to have them in tandem at any other point.

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Last Thread: >>23935784

This is a choose your own adventure about the travels of Harvest, a pony who woke up in the desert with amnesia, became a dancer at a bar, visited a city of bandits, killed an important pony for a lot of money, found out she had died in a war 300 years ago, found a strange city called Canterlot, left and discovered another city called Litaria, then did some work for the queen of the aforementioned city.

This is the tenth thread in this CYOA.

Archive: http://anonpone.pineapplecomputing.com/heat/23084360
Pastebin Archive: http://pastebin.com/u/aight_

Let's Begin.
298 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
Cookbooks?
>>
Also, I found the medical textbook really boring to read too. I was glad when I was done with it. If you ever feel like picking it back up you're more then welcome to.
>>
>>24069561
"I found it really boring as well. I was glad to be done with it."
>"I just skimmed it. Don't really look forward to doing it again."

>>24069528
"So what books do you think you'd be interested in? Adventure, mystery, horror? Anything strike your fancy?"
>"I like cookbooks, got to read a lot of those."
>then, she blushes
>"W-Well, and I always loved those sappy romance ones... With terrible names like "The Mighty Storm." Never really had a chance to read them much. D-Don't make fun of me, please..."

>input action
>>
>>24069612
I think it's sweet that you like romantic things Flip. I'll try to find you a good romance novel. Hope they have a best sellers section here.
>>
>>24069626
"I think it's sweet you like that stuff... Don't worry, I'll find you something good. Hope they have a bestseller's section here."
>"Aw... Thanks Harvest! I'm going to go to sleep now. Finally decided on the cooler side."
>she giggles and lets her head hit the pillow with a loud thump, then closes her eyes

>input action

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Husbando in the kitchen edition


New GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aoh8YH3I0q78czAnb9mt_4h5jUeCUbivFV5WhAh935U/edit?pli=1

Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
http://pastebin.com/C82B4dea
http://pastebin.com/u/CrazyRain

Stale Bread:
>>23916037
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>>
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>>24069270
>You will never hold little mares several times smaller than you down and choking them, twisting their teats and giving her mind-blowing horse-pussy orgasms while whispering right into her ear how you'll make her your cute, little pony plaything for the rest of her life.
>>
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>>24069407
I know that feel my friend.
>>
>>24069270
>>24069407
>>24069489
>not giving her a clit piercing
>not pulling and leading her around by it
>>
>>24069520
I don't like piercings, though.
Maybe clit and teat clamps.
>>
>>24069574
Clamps with electricity running through them.

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Anyone else noticing how these episode plots are written against the ponies?

Every plot ends up being about one of the characters screwing up something because of their own fault over some shallow problem which not even Worrying McGeek or Peter Griffin would ever be bothered by.

Luna? There would be no problem if she wasn't bothered by Nightmare Moon.
Discord? Again no problem if he wasn't bothered by Fluttershy not inviting him as his partner to the gala.
Twilight? No problem if she wasn't bothered by Moondancer.

Every character feels like Spike the dragon.
>>
>>24069116
Ever notice how OP is always a massive faggot!
>>
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>>24069116
Alright I'll bite

Tanks for the Memories
Rainbow can't let tank go for a few months and makes it everyones problem. I could list a few more episodes that fit your pattern but I think I just list one that breaks it. In Appleloosa's Most Wanted Troubleshoes was the problem not the cmc or Applejack. He couldn't perceive the worth of his cutiemark.
>>
A week later, no less
>>
>>24069419
>episodes would be better with no conflicts and flawless characters

I give up.
>>
>>24069386
>He couldn't perceive the worth of his cutiemark
That's being a little harsh don't you think?
What if your only talent was fucking everything up?

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Old thread
>>24010721
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>>
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>>24066016
Unf
>>
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>>24068847
>>>/furaffinity/
>>
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>>24069666
Woah calm down there Satan

r8 my comic ;^)
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>>
No
>>
xD
i remember making le rage comics back in le high scholl
le showed to friends
they le say they were le epic
xDD
>>
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Lolol XD this is so awesome heahehah *dips beodra* hahehahhhehahehha
>>
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>>24068765
I give this over 9,000 lulz/10, desu!
>>
>>24068856
Le whole damn world is just as le-sessed
With who's le best dressed and who's le-ing sex
Who's got le money, who gets le honeys
Who's kind of le, and who's just a le

And you still don't have the le looks
And you don't have le right friends
And you're pretty much the same le you were back then

Le school never ends

You walk in to see your waifu finishing listening to the last song you listened to.
How does she react?
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>>
this thread died fast .-.
>>
>>24069609
so did your mom
>>
>>24069557
>not listening to "Absolute Territory" or "Burgz"
>>
>>24069637
thats the most original joke i ever seen on 4chan
>>
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>>24069642
>Iwata

I'm depressed now.

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Come one and all to the meta-writefag and help raise the quality of fanfiction! Featuring: Medieval Fallout.

ITT: MLP:FiM fanfictions, on-topic discussion, requests, recommendations, moths made of metal, fix fics with fireflies, and at least 300 posts about crossdressing Blueblood, inept Chrysalis, dead Luna, crazy Celestia, oh and by the way it's a comedy.

/fimfic/ starter kit (voting winners): http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png
List of nominees by category: http://mlp-fanfics.herokuapp.com/

Writing prompt Tumblr: http://autismwhinnies.tumblr.com/
>Prompt of the Week: Moondancer. Twilight Sparkle. Inferiority complex. Go.

LtD riff and more: pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmom
Voiceguy's readings: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt68MpmvEketmqOdHncHI2w

Do you want critique on your story? Post it on Google Docs with inline comments enabled.


Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
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>>
>>24068378

But Steven's a river monster, and fluttershai-hulud will be killed by more than trace amounts of water!

Truly, there's is a star-crossed romance.
>>
>>24068465
>>24068473
Well in any case, I can attempt to take over for him via vocaroo for short stories when I get my new microphone in two months :^)
>>
>>24068596
Exactly!

Its practically a Shakespearean tragedy for the ages.

And imagine the clop. He murders her with the money shot. Fukkin awesome wankfest (that takes place in a separate m rated sidefic)
>>
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Hello friends

>>24068622
>>24068473
>>24068465
Not dead, just tired.

Stuff started to happen, I know it seems like I'm just saying that for an excuse, but I honestly needed to sort through some stuff before I could narrate horse words. and I was getting distracted by someone I'm growing really close too.

Siren Song and But I AM Evil! tomorrow.
>>24068447
I use a CAD u37 mic. It's a pretty good mic, but, at the risk of sounding stupid, it has these little switches that I don't know exactly what they do.

Any requests?
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/397810/no-title
>>
>>24069652
Oh okay. Well once I get my mic I could help you with stuff :^)


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