>>40929620 Previous threadFauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/Uh-hmmm's Prompt Archives:https://ponepaste.org/1046Have a broken Pastebin link? Replace pastebin.com with poneb.inRemember:not to save anything of value on Pastebinignore all attempts at early new threadsignore new threads by the cheerimac posterkeep your thick, colty mare (or mares) perpetually pregnant and give 'em the liccShe was a hairy mare, she was a scary mare edition
>>40975752He beat a hasty retreat from her lair 'cause he unpacked his adjectives.
>>40975752Poor Twilight's ovaries are set to violently burst
>>40975752>pic>"How to get a Unicorn so Sexually Frustrated that she Rapes You">A dissertation by Anonymous, age 31 >When asked why he chose this research topic given the end result, Anonymous would only shrug and respond with, and I quote, "I 'unno".
>>40975814>"Orgasm denial is my fetish"
>>40975815Twilight would be of the opinion that an orgasm has to exist before it can be denied. She still falls asleep wondering what those fingers feel like.
>>40975820He misunderstood how it works.
>>40975825Anon has never been known to be a particularly smart man. But God bless him, he tries.
Do stallions still kiss mares' hooves in RGREquestria?
>>40975875Yes, but it's a gesture of submission as much as it is a gesture of respect. It would be like a woman kissing someone's feet in some sort of culturally-significant ritual.
>>40975875Assumedly so. As a matter of supplication, a stallion still needs to know his place.
>>40975752Anon uses technology to beat Celestia I'm Chess what happens.Does Celestia get mad what does she do when she realizes it was a colt that beat her, in public mind you.
>>40976168>Anon uses technology to beat Celestia I'm Chess what happens.Message garbled, please retry.
>>40976168>Anon has a vibrating crystal in his ass that tells him which move to make
>>40975875I guess it depends on what social norms being used here. Wouldnt a mare kiss a stallion hooves? because men kiss womens hands irl , they even kneel when doing the proposal. Or would it be stallions kissing the hooves because its more like showing respect to a Queen? I think either way could work if there is context for the story or arts
sex is not all it's cracked up to be
>>40976168I used to use chess.com to always win against other players I'd challenge to chess on SS13. I doubt Celestia would be mad, at least not in public.
>>40976256Crack's not all it's sex'd up to be.
>>40975875The beta is angry for the alpha expresses her dominance by making her husband kiss her hoof
>>40976976Nah, she's jelly because she wanted to kiss Celestia's hoof first
>Few kept their doors unlocked once Celestia’s sun dipped under the mountains. They were the brave, or the foolish or, much more commonly, those with less than pure intentions. Brigands, killers, cultists, demons, and much worse stalked the streets of every little town and city from Manehattan to Las Pegasus. This constant danger meant doors were made of thick hewn wood, hung on iron hinges with at least three locks and numerous magical charms to keep out any unwanted guests, making it difficult for all but the most determined invaders. Difficult, but not impossible.>In a certain bedroom, in a certain house in Ponyville, the home’s occupant was fast asleep in their bed. Their snores reverberated throughout the room. Unlike most of the town, this creature didn’t bother locking every door in his house, or even his windows. He thought himself safe. The fool.>Outside the home, the moon hung low above all. Its light was a reddish hue, and dim. It was so close that one would have been able to count the craters on its surface from their roof. The night was quiet, as if the creatures of the night held their collective breath.>For a moment, the moon’s light grew brighter, in the area of that certain house, so much so that it was nearly as bright as the noontime sun. A roll of clouds, unbidden, moved through the sky. There was a flicker, and the night went completely dark, and in that darkness there was movement.>The locks at the front door began to turn and buckle. The protective runes sputtered and died out. The frame expanded, then shrunk, as if it was a living, breathing thing. With a shudder, the door opened. Normally, this should have made a metallic squeal so loud that the neighbors would have heard, but it was as silent as the grave.>The door fully opened, revealing no figure standing outside. There was only darkness. This darkness moved into the house, closing the door behind it. As it moved deeper into the home it began to take the shape of a mare.>She was large, imposing. Her wings were leathery, her fur was a dark blue, her mane and tail were the night sky. Her pale blue eyes shone. She was those most rare of ponies; the alicorn. She was a mare that went by many titles and names; Nightmare, Luna, Huntress, Diente de Sangre, the Mother of Blood, and she was hunting.>The mare moved quickly through the home, her hoof steps making no sound as she made her way up the steps. Her eyes scanned, searching for any movement, for any prey.>The Princess had read Twilight’s letter about this soon-to-be victim. Apparently he had made a mess of a festival to some Everfree God and had proceeded to assault everypony in town. While normally the mare would have considered this beneath her notice, this had resulted in an alicorn ceasing to be.
>>40977025>Celestia was beyond annoyed that her old student was now once again a unicorn. Years of hard work and black magic had ended with just a few punches by some uppity colt. The worst part is Twilight had no idea how it happened. If he had ripped her wings off or broken her horn they could have been repaired, and even without them she would have STILL been an alicorn, but the wings had disappeared and she had shrunk. Her power had diminished as well; she was still a spell caster of legendary potency, but she didn’t have the strength of one who could weave creation. >Her sister usually didn’t like her hunting so close to Canterlot. The nobility didn’t like the idea of their sons being snatched up randomly, so much so that normally she’d have to fly far out for a feeding. With this insult and attack against their tribe however, Celestia had made an exception. >Luna made her way up the carpeted steps. She could already smell him, hear the beating of his heart. She had never met this “Anon”, but Twilight had said he was big for a colt. He would make a good meal. The mare licked her lips, revealing a set of long, sharp fangs. >Normally she liked to enjoy her hunts. Find some sweet, supple stallion, learn his patterns. Maybe she’d appear at his window at night to frighten him, as the fear would make his blood taste sweeter. They would tell loved ones, try to stay inside or even flee, but none had ever escaped her once she marked them as prey. No matter what they did it would end with them being either drank dry or turned into one of her little thestrals.>She loved hearing them gasp as her fangs would sink into their necks. They would always try to fight her off, hitting her with their hooves, or wings, or trying to use their magic. As their lifeblood disappeared into her gullet they would weaken, then go limp in her hooves. That was what she enjoyed the most in her little hunts; the power of life and death in her hooves.>Unfortunately, she would not be able to play with her food this time. This Anonymous needed to be dealt with quickly and without a fuss. At best she’d be able to make him feel terror in his last moments before she sucked him dry. A shame, but sometimes one needed to put duty over pleasure.>The door to his bedroom opened without a fuss. Luna allowed herself to be enveloped by the darkness in the room, gliding over to his bed. As Twilight had written, he really was a large stallion. His bed was nearly the size of her own. He was on his back, his blanket resting lower on his chest. He was splayed, defenseless, just ready for her… affections.>In the blink of an eye, Luna solidified right next to the bed. She eyed his throat, watching his vein pulse. Her nostrils flared, and she couldn’t help but wonder just what he’d taste like.
>>40977035>The alicorn’s mane settled around him, and she laid a leathery wing on his back, pulling him toward the edge of the bed. She was about to open her mouth, reveling in the moments before a kill, when she felt something touch her.>Fingers found the spot right behind her chin. Before she could react, nails dug into her fur. Her body jerked back, surprised, only for her to be lifted upward. She tried to let out a curse, but the grip on her turned into a vice. Thinking quickly, she attempted to teleport away, only for the spell not to go off correctly.>Anon, his eyes still closed, pulled the struggling alicorn toward him. “Pinkie Pie spent three months trying to kill me to cut me up and make me into cupcakes,” he said, his voice just above a whisper. “I knew you were in my house before you closed my front door.”>Luna tried to dart forward to bury her fangs into his throat, but that grip tightened. Her eyes widened as she felt her jaw pop out of its socket.“Now, if I have to open my eyes to deal with you you’ll end up in a crock pot and turned into a roast,” the human said into her ear. “I’m going to let you go, and I’m going to roll back over and go back to sleep. Get out of my fucking house, horse.”>He snapped her jaw back into place and set her back down onto the floor. She scrambled backwards with a hiss, her wings flapping. >True to his word, Anon rolled onto his side, pulling his covers up over his shoulders.“Lock my door on your way out,” he said, before Luna heard his breath slow.>The alicorn could only stare at him. Those fingers hadn’t felt like flesh, but iron rods. They had the strength to crush her jaw, not just dislocate it, she had no doubt. That wasn’t the strength of a colt. It was something else.>Luna let out a snarl, her pride nettled. She took a half-step toward the bed, her horn glowing. There was no reaction, no fear, not even worry. From the sound of his heart beat, the human was already half asleep.>The mare’s eyes narrowed. Not taking those eyes off him, she retreated out of the bedroom.“Close the door,” Anon called.>After a moment’s hesitation, she did as she was told. Staring at the closed door for several seconds, she shook her head and began making her way down the stairs.>There was nothing more thrilling than a hunt, but the best hunters knew when it was unwise to go after prey. Especially if in doing so the hunter would become the hunted. In this instance discretion seemed to be the better part of valor.
>>40977038>Celestia would no doubt figure out something with Twilight. That or she’d try to make another flesh golem that would be able to govern the kingdom. If not they could keep their terrible and might rule together.>All she knew she’d need to find a chubby colt to eat so she might forget this embarrassment. She loved eating overweight stallions.
>>40977045I wanted to do more evil Equestria. I'll probably do a bit more.
>>40977048Do the mirrorverse ponies have evil beards and mustaches?
>>40977439I bet a bit of their manes curl up into little horns when they're in evil mode.
>>40977045This anon should have display room full of those that did not listen to his warnings, just to hammer the point home to the evil pones;3
>>40977048>>40977045Cheesy evil and incompetent Equestria. So how much worse are the villains?
>>40977790>Cheesy evil and incompetent Equestria.I read that as "inconsiderate" instead of "incompetent". And the mental image of particularly rude villains made me giggle.
>>40977790I wouldn't be surprised if the villains were the ones trying to stop ponies from being evil. Not necessarily idealistic heroes, but at least antiheroes pursuing their own goals. Maybe Starlight was brainwashing ponies into believing live sacrifices are bad because she still hasn't gotten over Sunburst being snatched up in the dead of night. The whole equality thing stemming from 'if everyone is equal, no one is a worthy sacrifice'. Maybe Nightmare Moon's end goal was to reform Luna's cult and crusade against its rivals after getting tired of losing worshippers to rituals within and without. God knows why Discord or Tirek would take an interest in less evil ponies.
>>40977790The villains are actually hyper competent and dangerous.
>Luna, reminiscing about the good old days, manages to convince her sister to allow her to organize a more-modernized (no blood or death) gladiator tournament.>Anon signs up and gets laughed at by every mare in Canterlot. quite literally pointing their hoofs as he walks away from the stall.>Anon gets furious and silently declares he will win this fucking tournament no matter what.>The day arrives, and Anon is sitting in the waiting room holding a weapon that would be a claymore for a pony, but for Anon, it's a long sword.>As the fighters were called into the fighting pit, they roared with excitement as Luna and Celestia were wearing old imperial garments that had not been in fashion for thousands of years.>Luna rises from her seat, and her ancient godly lungs bellow, "Dear ponies of Equestria! Today, we are here to experience and relive old history! Now rise Mares and... Anon?" Luna quickly turns to Celestia.>"Why is there a colt there?!? This is not a place for weakness or crying about a chipped hoof!" Luna quickly whispers.>"Look, I had to allow any pony to join just to get Caramel off my back, because if I didn't, he would not stop until I relinquished!" Sun Pony whispers back.>After a brief moment, Luna looks over the crowed again. "Anyway, I know your adventures and daring fighters are wondering what the reward is for displaying your might!!!">Anon stands still, gripping his Claymore with one hand with ease. looking honestly intimidating as the Mares start to realize a stall monkey holding a weapon as long as 2 ponies is a scary sight.>"The Reward shall be Prince Blue Blood worn ball bra!!!" Luna shouted in the Royal Canterlot voice as the Mares in the stadium go wild with joy at such a 'Grand' Prize.>Up in Arch tower was the Prince of the hour who gave a kiss and a wink to the crowed as they cheered more.>In the background you can hear the screeching of a certain Stallion >Did Anon really want to win this?(Shitty 12:30AM prompt.")
>>40977045>edgequestriaAnon is going too soft on them. I'd just execute any would-be-assassins.Taking in account that everyone seems to be evil, there's little to no reason to NOT kill everyone just to spite the existence of this unpure equestria.>>40978179Anon wins the tournament, burns the ball-bra right there in the center of the fighting pit for all to see.>Mares all over the stadium are furious, some desperate pegasi try to fly closer to huff the smouldering ashes but get bonked on the head by the flat side of Anon's minizweihoofer.>All in all, Anon deems it worth it.
>>40977830We’ll stop you Sombra!I don’t really care.
>>40978179>>Anon gets furious and silently declares he will win this fucking tournament no matter what.>Anon shows up in booty shorts and a tight shirt>Distracts his opponents with his body so much that they either miss their attacks or feel too horny/too guilty to actually try and hurt Anon>Anon wins the final round of the tournament by fucking his female opponent until she passes out, thereby rendering him the victor>This is seen as a major victory for stallionism, and Anon advances social justice by 20 years
>>40978861He'd just get knocked out and raped in the first round. The first male gladiator being forced to impregnate his opponent would make stallionism a total joke
>>40978929All according to kekeiku. Editors note, kekeiku is ching-chong for 'plan'.
Jannies are extra anal lately, lads. Beware.
Off 10
shud i wrt sumfin
Ponies are simple creatures with simple needs... right?
>>40980130That's how they get you. You think all she wants is pets, maybe a hug, maybe a little cuddling.Then bam, she's pregnant.
So... is that Luna and Anon in the Batpony city green from last thread getting continued? Just seemed like there was a little more planned. Like, Luna didn't just want them to accept him. That's the preamble to what she really wants him down there for.
I have good news, and I have bad news.The good news is I plan on continuing one of my greens.The bad news is I'm probably going to continue it on fimfiction.
>>40980241I mean drop the link I guess.
>>40980241Drop the link
>>40980241I don't see what's so bad about it. Get more eyes on it, feed your attention addiction, write more.
Depending who your waifu is Anon, what is her ideal way of seducing you or her way of trying to put you in the mood best to her knowledge?
>“Oh, another tear? Goodness! You really are much too hard on your clothing, dear. Come in, come in.”>In most of Ponyville, there was almost always something covering the outside of a building. Speckles of blood, black soot, the occasional demonic symbol. That wasn’t the case with the Carousel Boutique. Unlike all the buildings surrounding it, the boutique was a pristine white, without a speck of dirt or grime on it. >The inside was a different story. >The carpeting had long ago been ripped up, revealing the bare plywood flooring. Blood and over fluids were splattered on the walls and floor, some of the patches old and faded while some were still wet. On the walls, where blood couldn’t be seen was chipped and crumbling plaster.>There was also the matter of the smell. It was the stink of a leather house. The smell of rotting flesh, open guts, feces and urine, along with the overwhelming stench of blood. The smell was so strong that if not for the clever magic containing it, it would have been picked up all the way across town.>In every room there were mannequins. Some were perfectly normal equine mannequins, if a little worse for wear. Some were made from skeletons and wire, while others were made out of clearly stuffed creatures. Others were moving; impaled, bound ponies, gryphons, and even the occasional minotaur, cut up and maimed in some way, none of them able to move or scream, their bleeding eyes darting around the room in a vain search for a way to end their suffering. >The Boutique was much like its owner. Prime and well put together on the outside, but an absolute horror house on the inside. It was the home of Ponyville’s primer seamstress and serial killer Rarity. >She was the only mare Anon would go to to get repairs on his clothing. Sure, she might have been crazy, but she DID have leather clothing, and her prices were cheap. He just wished she put some sort of sound dampening in her basement; every time he came here he could hear screaming through the floors.>“I pray that you’ve recovered from that unseemly business at Sweet Apple Acres,” Rarity said, taking his jacket over to one of her sewing machines. “You know, I really was against that whole business, and told Applejack so, dear. I’m not against murder as you know, but doing it to somepony in town is a tad unnecessary. If we killed each other, Ponyville would be EMPTY, and then where would we be? Much better to go hunting elsewhere!”>The mare let out a giggle, pushing some half finished projects out of the way. One looked like it was an elegant, golden, shimmering outfit fit for a gala. Another appeared to be a pony suit made from bits of ponies. From the size it might have been for Big Mac. The colt did like walking around pretending to be a mare. He liked to find mares wherever he traveled to sell his wares and crush them into a pulp and bring them back to town so she could wear his skin. >He was really shy about it, and got embarrassed when others talked about it.
>>40980321“I’ll be alright, Rarara,” Anon said, grabbing a stool. Making sure that it wasn’t boobytrapped and not too bloody, he took a seat. “Just a scar or two. Nothing to cry about.”>Rarity twitched. She looked over at him. All things considered, she was a very pretty mare. Plump like an earth pony, well groomed, nice horn, perfect mane and tail. The issue was three little scars over one of her eyes.>Anon really hadn’t seen many scars on ponies since coming to this freaky world. The critters were extremely durable, and seemed to ruin exclusively on cartoon physics. If they weren’t cut up or murdered or the million other horrible things they did to each other, they could heal from pretty much anything. He had beaten many a pony into a broken, bloody mess, and in a few weeks they were able to trot around like nothing happened. Hell, whatever was in the air helped him heal in similar ways as well.>He had never asked what had happened to the unicorn, but whatever HAD happened had broken her mind. She was still a valued member of the community, such as it was, a good sister, and a successful business mare, but she was convinced that her one eye was completely black and she was hideous to look at. That and, once again, she was a serial killer that turned folks into mannequins or skinned them alive.>In a country filled with such ponies though that bit was pretty normal.>“That is a shame, dear,” she breathed. “Such… supple skin as yours being damaged…”>Bloody needles and scissors around the room shoot. Some rose in the air, pointing toward the human as a manic look crossed the mare’s face. Anon paid it no mind, shrugging. “It goes with living here with all of you weirdos,” he told her. “I’ve also been told scars build character.”>“I…” The manic expression left the mare’s face for a moment, and she appeared lost. “Builds character… what a thing to say…”>She mumbled to herself, turning back to her sewing machine. The needles and scissors lowered back in place as she focused on his jacket.>“Goodness,” she said, poking a hoof through a large hole in the side of it. “A tear, pieces of the lining missing, and two buttons gone? Whatever am I going to do with you, you silly stallion?”>She shook her head, letting out another crazed giggle. The tip of her horn glowed. Thread and bundles of cloth floated into the room.>His arms crossed, Anon looked over to see a new mannequin in the mare’s collection. It was a hippogryph, with bright blue and silver scales. He was wearing a work in progress dress that was two sizes too small for his frame. Like most of the males Rarity “acquired” they were missing their eyes. His mouth opened and closed in a sound scream. Bits of wire were wrapped around his legs and throat so tightly that beads of blood dripped down onto the dress.
>>40980339>This was no doubt for some noble in Canterlot. From what Rarity had said, clothing with an exotic critter’s blood on it was the in thing up there right now.>“Have you made up with Caramel yet?” Rarity asked as she worked. “Nope. Not one bit,” Anon said, shaking his head. "In fact, I wish I would have ripped off more than his tail.">“You should, dear. I know he let out something personal about you that you would have rather kept quiet, but a spat isn’t good for the two of you.”“I told him that in confidence, and he went and told the whole town.”>“I know, I know, but it’s really nothing to be ashamed of. A stallion should keep themselves pure and not BE SOME WORTHLESS WHORSE AS THEY NEARLY ALL ARE!”>Spital flew as the mare slammed both hooves down onto her sewing machine, her body going tense. Her top lip drew back into a scowl. She stood up, and seemed to grow larger.“STRUTTING AROUND AS THOUGH THEY’RE BETTER! PRETTIER! MORE PERFECT THAN MYSELF! THE SLUTS! THE MOTHERLESS SHANKS! THE…. THE…”>She swung around to Anon, foaming at the mouth, more animal than mare. Anon continued to sit there, arms crossed, his eye brow raised. His lack of reaction seemed to calm the mare down noticeably. She sat back down with a cough, looking bashful.>“Pardon,” she said, returning to her work. “Anyhow, it’s not good for you colts to spat like this. You should stick with one another. Colt power and all that.”>Anon grunted, but said nothing more. Rarity just shook her head, muttering something about “silly colts”. >She was able to make her repairs in just a few minutes, levitating his jacket over. Anon looked it over to see that it was as good as new. He couldn’t even see where the tear had been.“What do I owe you, Rare?” he asked.>The mare waved him away. “No money, dear. It was a small fix.”
>>40980348“You sure?”>“Absolutely. Your company is, as always, more than enough of a payment for a little thing like this.” The mare’s face softened, and for just a moment the insanity left her eyes. “I would request that you at least speak with Caramel. What you did to his tail as well as the beat had to compensate what he did to you at least somewhat, no?”Anon pulled on his jacket. Looking down at the crazy little mare, he scratched his chin. “... I’ll think about it,” he said.>The unicorn smiled. “That’s all I ask.>The human stared at the mare for a few more moments before reaching down toward her. He brushed the scars near her eye with a finger. The mare tensed, her eyes widening in shock.“Back on Earth folks liked scars,” he said. “The women thought it was rugged and manly; like you had been through something and that meant you’d know what to do if anything bad were to happen.”>He tapped a finger against her cheek.“You are a murdering little horse, Rare, and unhinged, but you’re not ugly, or any less because of these scratches. At least I don’t think so.”>He ruffled her mane and turned away.“You shouldn’t think so either. They make you look tough.”>As he made his way to the door he side-stepped a pair of scissors thrown his way. That always happened when he messed up the mare’s mane. This time though, they didn’t seem to sink quite as deep into the wall though, and it wasn’t even followed by a yell of fury from the little horse.“See ya, Rare,” he said, walking out the door.>Rarity, staring at him with an unreadable expression, reached up and touched her scar. “Goodbye, darling.”
>>40980244>>40980248I'm working on formatting it for the site.It's the Changeling Prince Anon green.
Humans are not blank slates
>>40980405Oh shit you aren't fuckin dead? Amazing
>>40980405>Changeling princeoooh shiggy
>>40980353I... can fix her.Eager to see who's next.
>>40980405Fuckin' based.
>>40980353I honestly don't recall any little miss Rarity stories. This crazy murderhobo verse you got going here has been entertaining.
"Empty your mind. Become formless and shapeless like water. When water is poured into a cup, it becomes the cup. When water is poured into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Be water, my friend." - A wise monk
>>40980405Oh yeah, you asked for AI gen help in that AI thread. This is that one green where Anon is like an overprotective father who minced an entourage of offending ponies who attacked his hive? The one where they got high off jelly and the leader wore impractical gold armor and gold weapons and hit on Anon and pissed him off? That was good.
>>40980591No. different changling prince. This one is an actual changeling.I've been leaning towards Prince Anon being the son on human Anon and Queen Chrysalis, but human Anon dead now, leaving his son to try and save the changeling hive from his mom's bad planning skills.His plan is more, "Be honest with the ponies and just ask for help. Yes it will work, MOM!"
>>40980591As stated, that is a different story. That Different story is Blue Changling Family by WritefagSnippethttps://pastebin.com/zWdCvB6A
>>40980405>Changeling Prince AnonYES
>>40975752Reversed Gender Roles like this?
>>40980681That's "Reversed Sex Roles Equestria" or maybe futaquestria and that's different.
>>40980681What's that in Twilight's mouth? Is she eating a bird again?
>>40980702Easter egg.>>40980692Maybe Trapquestria.
>>40980709yeah its easter egg, Dash is a alpha mare
>>40980721what the fuck is going on
>>40980800ai trying to give salvador dali a run for his money
>>40980353I am enjoying the ridiculousness and over the top insanity of this.
>tfw no horsewife to laze about and cuddle with
>>40981001>anon comes home from his job in ponyville only to find princess Luna sleeping on this custom ordered human sized couch>he's too tired to really care and sits down next to her head>luna shuffles closer and puts her head on his lap as he starts to pet her mane>after a while celestia comes from somewhere and lays down with them as wellComfy day in equestria
>>40981302Casual cuddling Equestria is best Equestria
>>40981309If cuddling and horse-y neck hugs are seen as casual between friends, then what would count as intimate?Breath sharing, kissing, slow snoot nuzzling?
>>40981387Ear tugging >>40981387Mvp 0h0
>>40981001>dream-catchers on the wall>Wake up one night to a crash>Luna has her neck stuck in one of your dream-catchers like a turtle stuck in a 6-pack plastic thing
>>40981617Aren't dream catchers supposed to catch nightmares but let good dreams through?
>>40981629I thought they allowed you to experience dreams
>>40981631from someone who personally slept with a dreamcatcher nearby i rarely got dreams at all when and once i did got a dream with it was all a incoherent mess and too brief to either be a nightmare, leaving half-finished good dreams i dont sleep near it anymore and i get dreams near daily for better and worse
>>40981629Luna had ill intent.
Speaking of dreams what does luna think about Human dreams. Like what would she think of my dreams>i don't normally remember my dreams, but did tonight. Basically I was in a European prison, broke out, than back in, than out again found out the reason I was in prison was because this powerful rich crime guy wanted revenge because I killed the former leaders of the mob, that also had tech themes and was more of tech organization. So they had me sent to the prison I find out confront them about it they said everything will be fine. If I help them I agree leave come back leave, within a few minutes. I get taunted a lot. So I betray them, and as I leave for the third time Than Batman other heroes and random people show up and blow up the mansion, then I get the main bad guy in a room, which is filled with children. I kill him then we all leave the movie theatre we are in. I befriend one of the villains adopted daughters they get in a massive truck and try to run me over, so I fire rockets at the truck, eventually I bloe the truck up tons of people leave, and I shoot the daughter got a massage about a key card, so I turn off the computer and try and reboot it to bring her back, it fails. leaving only one of the villains four children left, we talk he tell me about how the girl I killed was a but unstable, and stuff we get a flashback of them going to her home and everyone almost dying of giant squids monster things then I wake up.So what does Luna think, does she think I am a crazy person, does she think that I am being tormented by nightmares and she failed.
>Be precocious and naive to the ways of Equestria>Make friends with a number of mares who don't want to see you get hurt>End up being rather protective of you; see you as a little brother figure>You end up agreeing to go on a date with some mare in town>Half your 'sisters' are going to find and confront this mare to ensure nothing "untowards" happens at the end of your date>The other half are currently bodily surrounding you in a protective bubble, and several of them are ranting about how your date will try to convince you she's a saint even as she's dragging you to bed>You have to get through a pile of cuddly, upset horsies before you can leave your house
>>40980353What the fuck, boi
>>40981750>"Oh yeah? Who is she?">You sigh in irritation as Bon Bon continues to interrogate you."She's a nice mare, Bonnie.">The mare snorts and rolls her eyes.>"A nice mare, huh? I know a few 'nice mares', Nonny. And they're all bucking perverts who want ONE thing from you.">Oh my god.>This has been going on for fifteen minutes, and you can't even leave because Lyra is holding your necktie hostage."We were friends before she asked me out! You're both overreacting, I'll be fine. For god's sake, I'm pretty sure you've even spoken to her before, so you know she-">>"You should listen to her, Nonners!" chirps Lyra, a pair of your underwear perched on one ear and your necktie tied around the dock of her tail, "Most mares are perverts! You should be careful about going on dates with any 'nice mare' who asks you out.">Man, now you get why your little sister got pissed off at you so much back when you were still on Earth.Pic related, it's your pseudo-adoptive 'big sister' escorting you around town while keeping an eye out for horny mares who would try to defile you.
>>40981750>You are Rarity, and you are sitting in your human friend's bathroom while he gets himself ready for his 'date'."I don't like her.">Anonymous ignores you as he combs his hair.>You guess he's heard this song and dance from you a lot this evening, but it's unbecoming of a young stallion to ignore a mare who is talking to him."She has notches in her bedframe, darling. That's all you'll be to her.">It's harsh, you admit, saying these words to the poor colt.>Perhaps brash and crude, as well.>But Anonymous is a sweet, innocent treasure, and he needs to hear them.>The world is going to gobble him up and spit him back out again if he isn't careful.>You feel only a twinge of disapproval as Anonymous does not reply to you yet again; but you're used to his boorish behaviour."Have you ever wondered why - no, use the fine-tooth comb, my dear.">Your horn lights up blue and you levitate the proper fur-brush over to your human>Er, you mean THE human.>"Thank you, Rarity.""You're welcome.>No nod politely, knowing that he can see your reflection in the mirror."Now, have you ever wondered why she and her sisters are still single?">Anonymous rolls his eyes like a commoner.>"I think it's because the girls are easily spooked. You saw how they reacted when Pinkie Pie tried throwing one of them a surprise party.">You frown, the traumatic memory briefly breaching your thoughts, only to be suppressed once more.>Poor Daisy was never quite the same."Well, that's the problem, darling. If they - Oh, in the name of Celestia's sun, give me that comb. I cannot believe a ruffian like you knows how to get out of bed in the morning.">Before Anonymous can protest, your magic gently plucks the piece of plastic out of the human's hands.>You then proceed to take care of his human mane for him."Anyway, if the flower sisters are that timid, I fear for what will happen if you are ever accosted in their presence. Can you honestly see Daisy of all ponies standing up for you? Or Lily planting herself firmly between you and a threat?">You click your tongue in disapproval as you feather Anonymous' mane. You split your magic and grab a spray-bottle full of water, and give his head a gentle mist."My goodness, that is quite the thick mop you have. I have no idea how your father helped you style it before you came to Equestria, Anonymous.">"Thanks," he quips, "I made it myself."
>>40981914>You nod, acknowledging the humour in his words as well as a dignified mare like you can."You should really buy some better conditioner for this. There's a whole section in the market for stallion's products.">Anonymous hums, a strange smirk on his face visible in his reflection.>"You think I need it? I normally just by the cheap stuff Twilight has in her bathroom.">You scoff in disgust, trying to ignore just what business Anonymous had in your friend's bathroom.>AKA the sexiest room of the house, as everypony knows."The cheap stuff?" you repeat, outraged; the comb falters in your magical grip, but just for a moment. "You expect to get results from the CHEAP stuff? Anonymous, that will dry out your fur-">"Hair.""-FUR, and it will give you absolutely DEPLORABLE split-ends. Honestly, darling, I'm beginning to think you aren't even attending those home-ec classes I've recommended to you.">Your naive friend is conspicuously silent.>"Well, there's nothing wrong with that. I got this shirt I'm wearing from a thrift store nearby.">You are struck with horror - so much that you drop your comb."Alright," you growl, your fashionista sensibilities in an uproar, "Arms up, my dear. I won't have you leaving the house wearing something a pony donated to a thrift store.">You're so outraged that it honestly fails to occur to you that Anonymous, the sole human in Equestria could never possibly find a shirt that fit at a pony-operated thrift store.>Anonymous silently obliges - like the good colt he is - and you remove the offending shirt from his body.>"I'll be right back, darling. I'm going to your boudoir and I will fetch a nice shirt. I know I've made you quite a few, so it won't be hard to find one that will look good on you.">You trot out of the bathroom, your cares about your unofficial little brother's date night forgotten as fashion, once more, takes priority in your mind.--->Be Anon>Be wearing that shirt again>Be properly groomed.>Using your superior human stealth abilities (ie, hot having hooves), you manage to make your way out of your house before Rarity comes back with a shirt.>If all else fails, you can always distract her with matters of fashion.>You have a trio of friendly mares to go on a date with, and you aren't about to let your friend's (admittedly well-meaning) concern interfere with your love life.
>>40980721>"You have to paint all the eggs."
>>40981914>- Oh, in the name of Celestia's sun, give me that comb. I cannot believe a ruffian like you knows how to get out of bed in the morning."i am immensely amused by this particular line. it is /exactly/ how rarara would act, rgre or not
>>40976261>cheated on chessBet you don't even know about chess 2.0 with summons and shit.
Qrd about this green, please? >>40975669
>>40982425It's an evil, edgy AU, but Anon kicks the shit out of everybody, starting with the "Great Apple", a monster posing as a god that the citizens of Ponyville attempt to sacrifice Anon to.
>>40981918Good stuff, APA. Glad you're still with us.
>>40982770Thanks, man. And don't worry, I've always been here. In your hearts.
>>40982154The mental image of Rarity scowling, so bothered by Anon's poor techniques that she abandons her train of thought and tries to right a great wrong.
>>40981918>>40982770>APANo wonder I liked it so much.10/10 Rarity; I wish I always wrote her as good as you do here!
>>40983129I'm glad you liked it, Anon.
>>40981918I choose to believe this is the prelude to that "element of courage" prompt from years ago. Good shit.
>>40983140https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34575966/#q34577236this one?
>>40983168Yeah
Do stallions queef from their dick holes?
>>40983466Rainbow Dash wants Soarin to queef inside her.
>>40983466Alright, I'm gonna go to bed and forget that I read that
bump
>>40984003
>>40982425Way better and more funny than this >>40980353 edgy shit
Le Bump
Remember to keep and eye of your stallion, Those Bird brain are snatching them up and taking them to their nest.
>>40985808>Pegasi try to attract mates by adorning their cloud-houses with colorful brick-brack they find on the surface>Pegasus eyes are different from unicorn or earth pony eyes, which I swear is relevant to the first line>Pegasi have more developed visual cortex compared to other pony races, and their eyes are designed to spot and track tiny details while moving in all three dimensions and rotating along several axes>Those eyes can see smaller objects further away than unicorns and earth ponies, and can cleanly discern minute differences between shades of the same color>Rainbow Dash will never find out, but she can actually see a little bit into the ultraviolet range>That yoked visual cortex processes a veritable flood of information (from their SPECIAL eyes), and just generally have better reflexes.>And going back to my point before I vomited some meaningless lorebuilding, that means all that shiny shit the mare decorates her house with is all the more shiny to the pegasus stallion looking at it.>Which all means that the pegasus stallion being woo'd will be all the more whoa'd
>Discord playing a prank, snaps his fingers, and all the pony penises in ponyville pop off, grow little cartoon legs, and begin running around and hiding under beds and in small spaces and dark cubbies. >Stallions go on a mass panic, mares track down Discord and beat him to a pulp, but he reveals they can only get their stallions's cocks back if the stallions can solve his riddle.>"In a flower of pink so lush and fine,">"Swollen like a bee savoring its wine,">"I beckon a stallion to where mares can't glance,">"A secret allure in nature's dance.">"What am I?">The stallions shrug with dumb looks on their faces.>The mares all slap their hooves to their faces.>"We're doomed." A mare in the middle of the crowd turns and sulks away. "We're all doomed!"
>>40985944Clitoris? Mare clit to be precise.
>>40985254Who is this cute little Apple-an-Chia seed pony and what mining town is she in.
>>40986219Don't get too attached, anon. Most of what little time you have together will be spent trying to keep her comfortable as black lung slowly saps her life away.
>>40986307Then you better hurry up and start pumping her full of foals while you can.
>>40986307>>40986354>The black lung takes the mare but not before she can leave you with several foals to remember her by.>mfw
>>40986439>"Daddy, can you tell us the story of how you met mommy again?"
>>40986471>"So there I was, fucking some drunk chick in the bathroom of a bar, right? And she was hot, I mean smoking hot, and her pussy felt just amazing, and right then and there, I knew I had to marry her."
>>40986471>"When she and I did meet, I was bathing in the creek, and she was the prettiest mare in the whole damn holler; that ain't no lie.">"She came courtin' me, I said that foals were my fee yet every day she'd save a quarter of her pay.">"So she could buy a diamond ring."
>>40979883Go for it.
>Be anon>Horse husband to Spitfire>She forgot her lunch so you decided to surprise her >What you found out was she has been drinking an absurd amount of Geostar>An energy drink, that you told Spitfire to stop chugging, it's bad for her.>Which she agreed to >Or so you thought>Spitfire is in her chair, looking down with her tail drooping "Babe, I thought you promised me you would stop drinking this.">"I did but Anon, I need to stay awake when I'm working late!""You don't have to, if I recall you're allowed to come home on time.">"I know but some work is too important to leave it alone!""Doesn't Rainbow Dash pick up some paperwork when you can't?">"Yeah but you know... it's Rainbow Dash.">Fair point>Spitfire bring out the can >"But look, it's sugar-free!""Do you want to be dick free too?">This gets her attention."Tell you what, we can limit to say three cans a day?">"What? Just thre—"You put your hands on your hips. "Three.">You see her wings wilting "Three... alright."You kiss her on her forehead. "Alright then, how about some compensation for it?">"Compensation, what do yo— oh.">You slink under her table to properly compensate her>Today was "mares aren't that hard to handle day"
>>40983466stallions don't fart
>>40986942Anon proudly proves that belief wrong by having a fart off with Pinky pie.
>>40986972>It's all fun and games until someone tries to butt-chug a carbonated beverage.
>>40985944While funny, doesn't work since the mare clit literally calls massive attention to itself with the genital winking.
>>40986737I swear I've read a green with this precise premise before
>>40987281The true RGRE equivalent would be mares unable to find a stallion's prostate.
>>40980618Damn I really like that green, is bad that it was never finished
Wanted to post this, not my green>Be Anon, husband to beautiful horse waifu Spitfire, Captain of The Wonderbolts. You sit in your recliner chair, sewing the buttons that fell off Spitfire’s uniform.>You hear the strict cadence being sung, and the marching hooves hitting the pavement. By now, you’re used to living on a military base… full of pastel colored ponies.>“I’m home!”“Welcome back hun.”>You briefly kiss her on the lips and take her briefcase back to her room. She looked exhausted (but sexy nonetheless). By the time you returned to the kitchen you saw Spitfire laying her head on the table, wracked with fatigue and frustration.“What’s wrong?”>“You know that charity thing the command told me to go?”>The Wish Foalfillment Foundation. Spitfire being the Captain of the Wonderbolts many foals wanted to meet her. To increase recruitment drive Spitfire was ordered to attend several of them.“I think you’re doing a wonderful job.”>“I know I am… but half the time I have no idea what they’re saying!” Spitfire exasperated.“What do you mean?”>Spitfire waved her hoof. “Words like poggers, cringe, based, twatnight… are those even words?”>You hide a snicker, being younger and all you got the general idea of what they meant. It was moments like these you remember that she was older than you.>“Is that why you’re tired?”>“Yep, either the foals are dumb as a box of fur or I am.”>You peck on her cheek.“You’re fine.”>“Hey Anon.”>“Yes sweetcheeks?”>Spitfire smirked. “Can you teach me those words?”“Uh… you sure?”>“Anon if I can understand your weird colty talks I’m sure I can understand their jibber jabbers.”>You sit across from Spitfire, holding a list of the most popular slang being used.“Alright we’ll first go with pog, also known as poggers.”>“What they hay is that? That’s not even a word.”“It isn’t. It means it’s cool or awesome.”>“Like radical?”>You choke back a chortle.“Y-yeah like radical or wicked.”>“Well that makes sense.”“Alright the next is finna.”>Spitfire quirked an eyebrow, her cute little snout furrowing in confusion.>“Finna? Like Aqua Finna?”“No honey, it’s a verb meaning fixing or going it’s just shortened.”>Spitfire writes the definition on her notebook then frowns.>“Why not just say go or fix? That makes more sense.” Spitfire grumbled. “Foals these days are too lazy to even properly say their words.”>You shrug
“Alright the next word is based.”>Spitfire’s brows knit together in confusion. Why is she so cute when she does that? Then again she was always cute.>“Based? Based on what?”“It just means it’s cool, or something that is accepted.”>“So if I think it’s correct I say it’s based?”>You shrug“Yeah something like that or when you approve of something.”>Spitfire nodded sagely, writing more notes.“Then there’s cringe.”>“Oh I know that one, that means it’s terrible right?”>You nod“Something like that yeah. You use it to express that it sucks or it’s bad.”>You stroke your chin, then snap your finger.“Alrigh the final one is fag.”>“Fag as in cigarettes?”“No, it just means you’re being an anklebiter or someone being annoying. It’s another word to discourage someone from being bad.”>You’re not sure if the word was appropriate but it was close enough.>“Well I think that’s enough for now, I’m pretty horny. Let’s fuck Anon.”“Bedroom?”>“Yup.”>The next day, Spitfire entered the foal’s hospital room, the foal looked sickly, hooked up to all kinds of medical equipment. It broke her heart seeing the poor foal so tired looking, defeated. She couldn’t imagine her little foal being in such a state.>“Hey there squirt. I’m Spitfire, what’s your name?”>“Wow… you’re captain of the wonderbolts!” The foal coughed. “My name is Gentle Breeze.”>Gentle Breeze looks up at you, tears welling up in his eyes.>“T-the doctor said I only have a few days to live… I’m scared.”>“That's pretty cringe little guy.” Spitfire said gently.>The foal was shocked, probably by your impressive use of foal slangs. Even the parents seemed so impressed that they looked shocked.>“I don’t want to die… I- I’m scared!” The foal began to sob, squeezing tight to his teddy bear.>Spitfire softly pat the foal’s head, maternal instinct took over her thoughts.>“Don’t be such a fag”
>>40988346>based on whatMy sides
>Up above the clouds, high above Ponyville, predators stalked the skies. This was relatively normal, since all of Equestria was unquestionably dangerous, but these predators had come all the way from Cloudsdale. They were workers of the Rainbow Factory, and they had come to collect.>The machine hungered. It needed essence, it needed souls. If it did not get these things regularly it would fail, and the pegasi would lose control of the weather. This would not happen. Could not.>It should have been considered an honor being fed to the machine. The lesser races didn’t consider it so. That did not matter in the slightest however. Whether they wanted to or not they were going to be fed to it.>Lightning Dust, a foremare, along with two underlings stood atop a cloud. With them was Rainbow Dash. The mare managed to find her factory outfit in her closet for this occasion. She had even remembered to brush her fur. Rainbow didn’t care for Lightning very much, like at all, but she knew when to keep her mouth shut and do her job.>They were inspecting the “cattle” from their vantage point. Rainbow had pointed some ponies that they could snatch up without a fuss, but Lightning had shot down every suggestion. It couldn’t just be a random critter. No, it had to be the PERFECT critter. Only that would please the great machine.>Sounded an awful lot like micromanaging to Rainbow’s ears, but didn’t want to get an earful from the head bosses back in Cloudsdale.>“We need at least five,” Lightning said. “Not too old, not too young. The machine has been fed a lot of weak, worthless pegasi lately, and I think it might want ponies stronger to grind down.”>“You think?” Rainbow asked.>Lightning looked up at her with a glare. Rainbow looked away, whistling. Lightning stared at her for several seconds before looking back down onto the ground. Her golden eyes narrowed as she scanned all the unsuspecting townsfolk.>“What about that one?” she asked, pointing.>Rainbow leaned over the edge of the cloud. “Which one? Caramel? The chubby chestnut earth pony? I mean, I thought you said you wanted a stron--”>“Not that one, featherhead. I mean that big diamond dog looking thing,” Lightning said.>It took a few seconds, but Rainbow eventually found who she was referring to. Her ears perked up when her gaze settled on him.
>>40988858>“Oh. That’s Anon. You’d probably want to leave him alone,” she said.>“He looks pretty big,” one of the underlings said.>“We might only need two others if we manage to get him,” the other said with a grin.>“Yeah… really girls, you might want to pick somepony else,” Rainbow said.>The three pegasi looked toward her>“What, does the great crash have a crush on this lesser being?” underling #1 said with a snicker.>“Wanna save him? Be his mare in shining armor?” underling #2 teased.>Rainbow frowned. “All I’m saying is he’s not a good colt to snatch up. Trust me. And if you keep up with that teasing crap one of you is getting bucked in the mouth, extraction team or not.”>The other mares attempted to get into the cyan pegasus’ face, but Lightning stopped them with a raised wing. She was the one that moved forward, getting so close to Rainbow that their muzzles were almost touching. >“The machine needs material,” she said, a hard edge in her tone. “I don’t care what you think, CRASH. We’re taking him, and if you keep running your mouth we’ll take you too. You got it?”>It took considerable effort for Rainbow not to heatbutt the mare. No, while that would be sweet for a few minutes, it’d be a lot of getting yelled at later. Better to let Lightning get a lot worse than a bloody muzzle.>“Fine. Forget I said anything,” she said, turning away. “Go get him.”>Thinking she had cowed the mare, Lightning let out a snort. She reached for the hook at her belt, attaching it to her front leg. She turned to her underlings.>“I’ll show you two how it’s done,” she said, nodding.>With that, she launched herself off the cloud, moving downward at an incredible speed and disappearing from sight. Rainbow stood there, doing the mental math of how quickly the pegasus would be able to get to Anon from where he was and this cloud.>“Five… Four… Three… Two… One…”“MOTHERFUCKER!”
>>40988871>The underlings grinned. Slowly, their grins disappeared, looks of confusion and concern replacing them.>Rainbow peeked over the cloud. Anon had the hook buried in his shoulder. He had somehow managed to pull Lightning’s hoof from it and he was currently strangling the mare. Both his mitten-like hands were around her throat, and he was shaking her so hard that she wasn’t in any position to even try to pry his hands loose. The only thing she was able to do was loudly gurgle, her throat on the cusp of being crushed.>The human always looks sorta grumpy even on the best of days, but now he looked pretty peeved while he slowly strangled her superior. "Why you little--">"Uhuhhogodddeo!!!!!">Most folks would have started screaming when they got stuck with a Rainbow Factory made hook, but other than that yelled curse Anon was silent. That’s what Rainbow had always sort of admired about the alien colt. He didn’t bother with much yelling or better or any of that crying nonsense; he just got really punchy. Or in this case strangle-y.>Around him, ponies stopped what they were doing to watch the show. The underlings turned toward Rainbow, who shrugged.>“Told you he was bad prey,” she said.>The mares looked at each other then, pulling their own hooks and attaching them, they dove off the cloud with a battle cry. Rainbow quickly made herself a sofa out of part of the cloud, watching as grabbed Lightning Dust by the dock of her tail and started swinging her around like a club at the other two.>She made herself comfortable, kicking up her hooves.>“And here I thought it was gonna be a lame day…”
>>40988878hehso when is anon gonna kill one because I would have by now.
>>40975875no they go around and shove their snout into their asshole instead, the deeper the more polite
>>40989161The cartoony edginess means that at most everyone gets hurts badly. The slapstick way punishment is dealt is silly without it turning it straight up grim.>>40988878Time to feed the machine. Rainbow Factory was a pretty dumb story that somehow survived in the fandom's memory for a long time.
>>40989228>The cartoony edginess means that at most everyone gets hurts badly.Brother, different creatures and even poners have been maimed, skinned and slaughtered already in this series of greens.
I hate Rainbow Dash
>>40989244>obligatory "LaP pls"
>>40989235Never on screen though, and never to characters we know. There's enough to get the idea across without wallowing in grimdark, which doesn't seem to be the focus of his greens. They're about the funny haha moments of Anon trying to live his life in evil Equestria.
>>40989235>>40989254https://youtu.be/IYn6P2srpKw?si=DWZ45SHBrsPPjil2I could see Anon somehow finding a kindred spirit or just a normal critter he could bond with getting hurt by the Mane Six's grim actionsHim getting hurt and being able to fight back is one thing. But doing it to someone defenseless is another. Not even Celestia's gonna stop him from kicking her shit in
>>40989383>Immediately thought of pic related.This green is getting really reversed if even the good-guy bad-guy roles are getting swapped.Dare we go deeper?
>>40988878So was this, like, RGRE Rainbow Factory with Anon or something?Was pretty cool. Kinda brutal, too. Like, goddamn, a fucking hook? Sheesh. I like the last line Dash says.
>"PAYDAY!""Jeez King, ya don't gotta yell. We're right here, y'know." Herringbone complained as she cleaned out an ear with a feather>"I know you're right here, that's why I yelled." King Stud stated as he levitated three envelopes to his awaiting employees. "There, you have your money.">The stallion quickly returned to his office, poking his head out to say "I don't want to see any of you again until Monday!" before slamming the door and loudly locking it>Bit Brace and Olive Shiplap put their envelopes in their saddlebags and headed for the exit, while Herringbone quickly tore into hers"Aw mare, how come King nevah gives me any ovatime? I came in early! All week!" Herringbone complained as she flapped behind her coworkers>"You know you actually gotta stay 'til 5 every day too, right?" Bit Brace snarked, earning a snicker from Olive Shiplap>Herringbone grumbled and rolled her eyes"There's always a catch."
You can't edge your audience forever or else they'll just cum some where else.
>>40988878Grimderp like this always just came of as edgy and lame.
>>40988878I don't see how this is RGRE.
All this edge but all I want is Cut'N'Paste's massive milkers back
>>40990203Don't we all.
>>40989507I just straight up want greentext ala "worlds collide" where Anon has to contend with not just regular evil Chrysalis, but the goody-goody alt-world cuddlebug Chrysalis.
>>40989900It's not, it's just some bored faggot typing grimdark shit until we give him an emotional response. Give him a day or two, he'll get bored and wander off back to /d/.
>>40988878Good shit, keep it up.
>>40990577>Anon was already bugmarried to regular Chrysalis>Good Chrysalis is appalled at the way Chrysalis behaves around Anon>Her inner white knight sense of goodness prevents her from leaving Anon behind with a "worse" version of herself>Anon now has two (genetically) identical waifus and a very confused changeling hive
>>40986683k
>>40990618>gee anon why does your waifu let you have a copy of her?
Has anyone seen SQA? ive been waiting for a while on an update for the long and short of it.
>>40990800the propeller got him bro
>>40990809Dit it actually? , i am sad now, i was hoping to see continuation or end to that green, i wish he would at least pop in the thread sometime to say he was at still working on it
>>40990971>Dit it actually?lel.Okay, I went in the archives for you. Here's the last time he posted:https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40504882/#40539785
>>40990982There's also: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40847970/#40849420
>>40990971>>40991034What the second anon said, his last post here was "lmao look at me, I'm way to cool to post in these threads any more"
>>40990809The propeller?
>>40991042Found one of the screeching autists
>>40991042Is he wrong? The /rgre/ threads are objectively shit now compared to how they were even 2 years ago. Activity is at an all-time low (even worse than when the show ended), thread's pretty much dead, all the good ideas have been imagined and used years ago, and we have no active writers. If I were a writefag, I'd do what most the decent writefags who are still interested in writing seem to end up doing: leaving this site and going for one that's actually active and doesn't let retards derail things with their incessant screeching. If you were around back in the hayday of /rgre/, you'd know that the thread was still borderline insufferable.
>>40991063I don't understand your post.>The /rgre/ threads are objectively shit now compared to how they were even 2 years ago.And then>If you were around back in the hayday of /rgre/, you'd know that the thread was still borderline insufferable.So the hayday of RGRE was borderline insufferable, so already on the very border of sufferability... But also compared to what it is right now it's somehow way worse?>doesn't let retards derail things with their incessant screeching.Man, that attitude on 4chan of all places boggles my mind. I'm the newest of newfags here, and I simply don't pay attention when some retard like the one above you spergs out nor give them (You)'s. Isn't that what you're supposed to do, or did I learn the completely opposite things than I was supposed to when I was lurking?
>>40991034im glad he is still around, hope he posts sometime soon, his shit is top comfy
>>40988878>Anon breaks grimdark edgy storyplots with goofy aaah catroonish violence just by being an angry manGreat shit, like the one with Apples. Golden comedy, Now make him go to the Factory to destroy it and put peganiggers back to their senses.I encourage you to do more, but probably in another threat. There isn't much RGRE in that.
>guard mare wife returns home from tour of duty early>she kept a wing and two legs>greet her with divorce papers because I'm evilmaxxing and beginning my joker arc
>Once upon a whimsical afternoon, Anon found himself strolling down the bustling streets of Canterlot. The sun danced in the sky, casting a warm glow over the city, and Anon couldn't help but feel a spring in his step as he hummed a merry tune.>"Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do," he sang, his voice carrying through the air.>But fate had a mischievous plan in store for Anon that day. As he continued on his merry way, his shoelace suddenly came undone, tripping him up in an unexpected twist of events. With a startled yelp, he stumbled forward, crashing into the statue outside Canterlot High.>Bewildered and dazed, Anon blinked, trying to make sense of his surroundings. And to his astonishment, he found himself transformed into a pony, his once-human form replaced by one with hooves, green fur, and a striking black mane.>As if by magic, a crowd quickly gathered around him, whispers and gasps filling the air. But it wasn't just any ordinary crowd. No, it was a throng of mares, their eyes wide with wonder and curiosity. And they all seemed to have one thing on their minds – Anonstallion.>Anonstallion, as he was now known, found himself the center of attention, surrounded by adoring gazes and fluttering eyelashes. Mares of all shapes and sizes vied for his attention, eager to shower him with affection and kisses.>But amidst the frenzy, one particular pegasus named Derpy stood out, her expression a mixture of confusion and frustration. With a furrowed brow, she flew up to Anonstallion, getting right up in his face.>"That's not Anon, that's Anonstallion!" she exclaimed, her voice tinged with exasperation. "He's a completely different character!">Her words sparked a heated debate among the gathered mares, each one passionately arguing their case on whether Anon and Anonstallion were one and the same or entirely distinct entities.>"It's obvious they're different!" one mare declared, her mane bristling with indignation. "Anonstallion is a pony, while Anon was a human. They can't possibly be the same!">"But think about it," another countered, her eyes alight with fervor. "Anon became Anonstallion when he fell through the magic portal. He's still the same person, just in a different form!">The argument raged on, tempers flaring and voices growing louder with each passing moment. Yet amidst the chaos, Anonstallion couldn't help but ponder the perplexing nature of his existence. Was he truly the same person he once was, or had he become something entirely new?>As the sun began to set over Ponyville, casting a golden hue over the scene, Anonstallion found himself lost in thought. And though the question of his identity remained unanswered, one thing was certain – he was in for quite the adventure in this magical land of Equestria.
Reminder that (You)r green is not RGRE enough if the characters don't mention dicks, vaginas or sex every other sentence like some horrible caricature of a porn addict
>>40991657Aww, shit, I'm doing it wrong.
>>40991657Literally nobody has claimed that.
>>40991657Are you mad the rainbow factory grimderp you wrote is lame?
>>40991657Is RL RGRE then? I’m so confused, I wish I had a smart mare help set me straight.
"So what's your shtick?">Anon sat at a table. It was topped with pizza of all kinds. The smell of oregano and garlic was thick in the air. An old jukebox was playing some vaguely horse-Italian song sung by some mare who used to be famous a hundred years ago.>Not many ponies came to little pepperoni's restaurant on east Ponyville. In this world of murderers and killers, most actually couldn't stand the smell of garlic. Or the smell of horse-Italians for that matter. This was the place where Anon came to get away from it all, if just for a little while. He'd sit here, eat a slice of greasy pizza, and listen to mares complain about who was the greatest bucker of all time.>Today was a little different.>Princess Mi Amore Cadenza sat on the other side of the table from him. The mare and her horseband had come to visit the local mad scientist Twilight. The princess had somehow learned he was going to get some pizza, and decided to tag along with him.>Flurry had been left with Shining and Twilight, both whom were going to be doing horrible experiments on Spike for who knows how long, just leaving the alicorn and human alone.>He had met a lot of horses. All of them were crazy, bodies scarred, broken. They were also processed or barely sentient, or covered in bloody spikes. But not this mare. She didn't have any crazy eyes, or scars, or something weird about her body. She just looked like a pink, bubble gum mare. A completely balanced, sane mare.>Her daughter was some otherworld god or something, and her husband was just as evil scientist as Twilight. But not her. Not even a little bit.>It made her stick out like sore thumb. >Cadence, who was more inhaling her pizza than eating it, perked up>"Pardon?" she said, spitting bits cheese and crust as she did so."Most of you horses had some weird horrible thing you do. Twilight does evil science, your one aunt is a vampire, Pinkie in town bakes ponies into sweets, so what's yours?">Cadence smiled.>"I love my husband," she said. "A lot.">With that, she went right back to destroying her fourth pizza pie.>Anon just stared at her, his face scrunched up.>"Hey, are you gonna get that anchovy pie? Here let me. Don't want you losing your figure after all.">Before Anon could even think to reply, Cadence reached over and grabbed the pie in front of him, and proceeded to dig into it with a happy hum."...I really think I prefer the murdering horses," Anon muttered, taking a sip from his thick red plastic cup.
>>40992097>both whom were going to be doing horrible experiments on Spike for who knows how longhashtag based
>>40991657>Reminder that (You)r green is not GREEN enough if the characters don't mention dicks, vaginas or sex every other sentence like some horrible caricature of a porn addictFTFY
>>40992097>Anon muttered, taking a sip from his thick red plastic cup.A sip of what?A SIP OF WHAT?!!?!?!?!?!
>>40992208cup
>>40992353>Equestria serves you red plastic cups that are full of tiny, littler cups to drinknew headcanon accepted, thanks
>>40992362The benefit is that it scales down forever, with those smaller cups being filled with even smaller cups. One sip of cup will fill you up like lembas bread.
Okay, I've finished transferring my changeling prince Anon story to fimfic, and while I've yet to find a good cover image, for those who have accounts, you can read it early here.The password is lovebughttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/554947/disaster-diverted-love-found
>>40992368what a genius way to introduce microplastics into Equestria's dnacan we award ourselves the Nobel prize in horsefaggotry? I just did, I put it in cup, and now the Nobel prize is tiny cups and i'm drinking itserves 'em right, fucking peace loving faggots
>>40992381>it's this niggahell yeah.
>>40992381>404 page not foundanyone else...?
>>40992387>If you pour a cup of cup into another cup of cup, the resulting black hole annihilates the city
>>40991116Ah, but you've found this place's version of the riddle of steel. The person you're responding to IS the kind of sperg you should ignore.
>>40992393You might have to be logged into an account. I'm not 100%.Frankly, once fine a suitable cover image, it'll be a moot point as I'll publish it. I just haven't been able to fine one that I like yet.
>>40992419What sort of feel are you looking for for the cover image? What characters do you want?
>>40992396what happens if one tries to goatse cup
>>40992420I was hoping to find one with Raven and a changeling, but there's only one, so I'm going to just go with a Raven pic.
>>40992438Find some decent high-resolution images and assemble one?
There, chose an image and published.It should be easy to view for everyone.Now the next big question... Do I ship Chrysalis with Cadence and Shining? Or maybe Luna?
>>40992381Noice
>>40992447Cadance and Shining. Their l-lewd behaviour is hilarious and it would mellow Chrysalis out a little, being full and all.
>>40992097A yandere Candy? What would a yandere stallion look like?
>>40991578
>>40991578Which legs?
>>40992466I was thinking similarly.Luna and Chrysalis are probably going to become sparing buddies who like swinging big weapons at each other and bemoaning the loss of the days of solving problems with violence.
>>40991580GPT, Gemini, or one of the local LLMs?>>40992097Based peetzer goblin
>>40992097You know what? There's nothing wrong with a really nice cheesy plain pizza. It's a good indication of the actual quality of the restaurant (what with the lack of toppings taking over the flavor profile), and sometimes I just want to eat grease and cheese.
>>40992581Why is every bad green accused of gpt now? Is that the new boogeyman? Can't it just be bad writing?
>>40992632AI is pretty neat for brainstorming rgre stuff. It comes up with unexpected angles sometimes.
>>40992632I actually write every bad green by using gpt now, and let me tell ya, it's a lot easier than having to actually write them all myself like I used to.
>>40989682>"And then she tells 'im, 'We's already figured out what kinda colt ya are, now we're jus' negotiatin' price!'">The three mares laugh raucously at Herringbone's joke>Calming down from her laughter, Bit Brace surveyed her surroundings>They were sitting in their usual booth in their usual bar, the Dirty Dog Bowl>Staffed almost entirely by Diamond Dogs, a skeevy joint near the industrial district of Manehattan>It was dimly lit, probably to obscure the years of grime on every inch of the place, and served some of the most mediocre cider in town>If the place had a couple more stallions, Bit Brace might've called it heaven>Just as Bit Brace's eyes passed over the bar's entrance, the door was thrown open, revealing the sheets of rain pouring outside>She craned her neck as much as she could, but Bit Brace couldn't see over the other patrons>What she did see was the mares and diamond dogs either making way or being magically shoved by whoever came in>Eventually, from among the legs of the bargoers, out stomped a unicorn stallion>Though he wore a cloak, still dripping with rainwater and covering his features, his exceptional height-or lack thereof-was instantly recognizable>It was none other than King Stud>Her boss>Bit Brace tried to suppress a groan as King Stud beelined for their table as soon as he spotted them>"Hi Mr.Stud!" Olive Shiplap greeted happily"Boss." Bit Brace acknowledged>"Olive. Bit." King eyed each of them before briefly looking around the bar. "Where's the bird?">Both Bit and Olive turned to the now empty spot between them>At some point, Herringbone had apparently made her getaway>Looking around, they honed in on the edge of the bar counter, where Herringbone was chirping up a very bored-looking stallion>With a sigh, Bit Brace trotted over to them>As she neared them, Bit Brace could start hearing the nonsense coming from Herringbone>"Come on, toots. Lemme show ya what dese wings can REALLY do~" Herringbone cooed>Bit Brace rolled her eyes, grabbed a mouthful of Herringbone's scruff, and dragged the complaining pegasus back to their booth, throwing Herringbone into her seat before plopping back into her own>Herringbone grumbled as she fiddled with her now-ruffled wings, "Stupid bucking bitch...">A throat clearing from King Stud quickly brought the pegasus mare to attention>"Well, heya King!" Herringbone grinned wickedly>"Guess ya couldn' resist from huntin' us down jus' to look upon my gorgeous mug, huh?" Herringbone brought a hoof under her face and pouted her lips like the stallions in fashion magazinesAll for today. More tomorrow.
>>40992466>pic
>>40992447I grow tired of all the stories always making shining + cadence a polyamorous couple with someone else (it always devolves into cadence with that someone else, shining being relegated to a hanger-on).Ship Chrissy with Luna. They both have a more militant mentality, are being smug fucks to each other, and would bond over combat, like shining says on the 3rd chapter of the story. They have a couple friendly duels, they eventually go all out, one of them gets severely hurt and feelings are noticed by the other (maybe chrissy detects Luna's love for her cause the worry made Luna unable to keep her stone face).Please man, Luna and Chrissy, that one's not very common in greens and would be a breath of fresh air.
>>40992984Sorry, Luna is mine. Chrissy can't have her.
>The horror had begun in Canterlot.>Working-class mares on the lower levels of the city had begun turning up unspeakably brutalized. You hadn't thought that anypony could have committed such atrocities...such unspeakable deeds...>But self-evidently, one had, and the Canterlot City Guard drove themselves into a frenzy hunting the perpetrator.>It became even more of a frenzied witch hunt after several of their beat constables were added to the monster's tally.>And then a new wrinkle was added to the horrific deeds.>Victims were found with unmistakable evidence that the fell fiend was a stallion!>A pair of goths (one unicorn, one pegasus), your friends Moondancer and Vinyl Scratch, two Earth Pony NEETS, a depressed Wonderbolt, an even more depressed ex-Wonderbolt trainee, and an engineer visiting from Las Pegasus...>The only things all those victims had in common were the dribbles of cum leaking from their limp bodies, and the big stupid grins on their faces.>Naturally, ponies ran around like mad in panicked horror, doing nothing useful.>Sometimes you hate your species.>Some faggot stallionist proclaimed this a triumph of stallionism, and Princess Celestia turned him into stone.>Then the Canterlot Post received a letter from the monster, the words cut and pasted from various books and magazines.>The beast declared that his next victim would be Princess Luna herself!>But it was all a trick.>The fiend moved his hunting grounds to Ponyville while the Royal Guard were fortifying the palace!>Applejack and Rainbow Dash were the first victims. Their ravaged bodies were found in the back forty of Sweet Apple Acres.>The homme fatale had overpowered them, just like his earlier victims in Canterlot.>Well, at least he has standards. AJ's not bad, but even in your worst dry spell, you wouldn't want to be intimate with Rainbow Dash.>You did a concert tour of the reindeer lands once. They made you eat fermented herring...and fermented shark... and both of those STILL smelled better than Rainbow's twat!>Seriously, you can smell her while she's flying!
>>40993005>Anyway, the fiend has shifted his grisly deeds to Ponyville!>Next, the Flower Sisters were taken, and then Derpy.>Bon Bon's been frantically trying to figure out the pattern along with Twilight...and Rarity, of all ponies.>You'd never tell your Bonnie, for fear of breaking her heart, but you don't have much confidence in her. If hardened guardsmares couldn't manage it, you doubt a retired monster hunter, Twilight, and a mare who reads too many detective novels can pull it off.>Speaking of Bon Bon, it's been a long day. Five hours of orchestra practice, five hours of busking in the marketplace. No food. You're looking forward to seeing your wife.>Because you love her, she cooks better than most stallions can...and she eats your pussy like it's going to be banned tomorrow.>Also, your neighbor Anon had offered to drop off some books about human lyre and harp tunes, since Bon Bon gets home from her shop a few hours earlier than you do.>As the last few ponies trickle out of the marketplace, you put your lyre back in its case along with the day's take and trot off home.>Pushing the back door open, you see that Bon Bon's not in the kitchen, and you pitch your voice to carry."Bonnie Buns, you home? Did Anon drop off those books yet?">No answer from your wonderful wife."Bonnie?">Still nothing.>You're starting to get worried now, so you set your lyre down and gallop upstairs to your bedroom."Bon Bon?">Silence. Like the silence between the first raindrop striking and the sky opening up.>Your ears twitch in some ancient, instinctive fear as you slowly push open the bedroom door.>Bon Bon lies limp on the bed, her purple eyes staring blankly at nothing.>She looks like all the other victims: bathed, brushed, combed, and pampered into a state of drooling stupefaction. Even her hooves are polished and gleaming. Her chest rises and falls slowly as she gurgles in unconscious bliss."Bon Bon! NOOOOO!>A rush of displaced air rumples your tail, and you hear a thump and a grunt from behind you>You turn, and see Anon picking himself up from the floor.HE WAS ON THE CEILINGHOW?WHY?>And then you see him draw the implements of doom from his belt.>And you realize.>It was Anon.>It was Anon all along."Anon...how...no...why?">"Because I'm tired of you fuckin' horses never bathing, Lyra! Everything smells like a barn full of unwashed twat all the damn time!">He advances on you, brush in one hand and shampoo in the other, and speaks the words of terror.>""Brushie brushie!"
>>40993006I didn't like this grimderp Equestria stuff, so I decided to perpetrate something in my limited free time.https://ponepaste.org/8523
I NEED milf momma Dash
>>40993009>The real monster was stinky horse butt all alongwoahI can get behind that
>>40993006>Filth around an find out.Dirty ponies get what they deserve.
>>40992414Ah, I see now. Thank you for your wisdom. I'll go back to pondering which of my greens to update next, then.
>>40993143update that one everyone likesyou know the one
>>40993147Yeah, that's a pretty good one, though there's also that other one that gained a surprising amount of popularity, maybe I'll add a continuation to that one.
>>40990704"She's so perfect that the only way that we could've herded was to have more of her.">>40992984>Please please please write my offtopic dykeshit shipNo. Fuck off.
>>40993160Oh, fuck, don't continue that one, bro. That was the one that made the thread throw an autistic fit over>bat ponies>tfg>not rgre enough>ketchupand probably some other stuff I'm forgetting about that was a big deal.
>>40993164it's fucking noram
>>40992097>Shining is something so vile that loving him considers evilWhat the fuck bro is up to
>>40993164Hmm, true, but there was that one anon that especially liked the ketchup part ...
>>40993162>chrissy and luna is dykeshit but chrissy and cadence (with shining hanger on) isn'tCome on bro
>>40993430>projecting this hard and turning shining into a cuck
>>40993430It isn't gay if a stallion is in the middle. Every mare knows that.This is a herd if I've ever seen one.I always like the idea of Chrysalis being a big nerd for Hyperspace Hyperwars, or some other nerdy game, and she and Shining become hyper competitive over it.
>>40993027>Rainbow spends her early days as a mother bothering her friends>Smugly showing off her foal>"I made this."
>>40993430>hey guys if two girls kissing each other is gay then how come two girls kissing the same guyy isn't also gay, checkmate athiests It's called a herd, dipshit.
>>40993557No you retard I'm saying than in the last like 90 cadence + shining + chrissy greens I've read, it always devolves into Cadence x Chrissy and shining is there, watching, with almost no agency, and since I'm tired of always reading the same stuff, I would like something different for once.
>>40993175I honestly don't even know how that typo made it past me. Rgre will never let it go.
>>40993006>Satyrfag redemption arcnice
>>40993006BasedI do find the pony getting turned to stone to be a little grimdark. But other than that this was really funny.
>>40993555>Rainbow Dash being really sexist but there's a weird angle to it she fixates on>Something Something RGRE>"All you stallions are good for is pumping squash and pouring soup">"Mares are the ones who make life">"Check this kid- I got laid, then 11 months of being awesome and she happened">"I turned 11 months worth of hay bacon into A. LIVING. PONY.">"They never shoulda let stallions serve. You can't be trusted with taking a life if you can't make one, boys."
>>40993009This does give me an idea, would a mare be a cerial rapist, in rgre? Stealing the innocent seed from virgin stallions. A unicorn could give long distance magic jobs or a pegasus mare could swoop down and snatch a non pegasus, and land on a cloud so the stallion has to sit on the mare to not fall through the cloud.
>>40994389Can't brag about something that you will never get to do.
>>40994458RD only got laid because she was gang raped in the wonderbolt's showers during hazing day.
>>40994464Mares 'can't' be raped remember otherwise she's a dyke.
>>40993005>>40993006Why is this so horrifying?
>>40994426>pegasus mare watching as I shit so hard I become a sewage propelled human rocket and fly back down to the ground
>>40994469Sounds like you don't want to be one of the team. Guess you'll have to go find some other ace flying team to join.
>>40994426>cerialSerial: multiple, repeatedCereal: grain food, breakfast
>>40994829Cerial: Muiltiple, repeated, grain food breakfast
>>40994837That's just when I get high and eat 2 bowls of cereal in a row.
>>40993848We all hold on to the things we love most.
>>40995360>"Anon! I told ya don't touch that darn thing!"
>>40995536I will squeeze your butt as much as humanly possible.It's mine now. https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/515183
>>40995360>>40995536>>40995615How is this RGRE?
>>40992729>King Stud's snout scrunched at her words>"Don't make me fire you, Herring.">Herringbone deflated at his words and scooted further back in her seat>King Stud sighed as he ran hoof through his pinewood-colored mane>"Now, I don't want to stay in this dump a second longer than I have to, so listen up. Monday morning, you three are meeting me at the train station. Pack for a week-long trip.">All three mares shared concerned looks among themselves>"Where we headed?" Olive Shiplap piped up>King Stud rolled his eyes and groaned, "I'll tell you then. You're getting paid, if that's what you three are worried about.">Before any of them could ask him another question, King Stud magically pulled his hood back up and swiftly made his way out of the bar>"Hm." Herringbone hummed, "Whaddya girls think he's got planned?">"Maybe he's giving us an all-expenses paid trip!" Olive offered>Bit Brace shook her head, "Unless the Pony Express stops in Tartarus, I'd doubt it."ok that's it for today. Might write more tomorrow, but I might switch over to another green instead idk.
In a while.
>>40993555>Be Anon.>It's tough being a parent.>When they said that it was a 'life changing experience' you rolled your eyes, but here you were.>Living with Twilight with a kid running around the castle.>Most days you have to keep an eye on the filly, being a house husband and all, Sunshine being a handful for the both of you.>Some days you and Twilight feel so exhausted that you don't know how to get out of bed.>Still, you do it.>You get out of bed, make Sunshine breakfast, and try to help her grow into a mare that can survive in a world like the one outside the castle doors.>There were days however when 'the world' had a tendency to come to you.>At the moment you had been trying to regain some energy from chasing your daughter up and down the halls of the castle.>You asked Twilight politely to get rid of some of her magical artifacts locked in the basement, and what did you find after making Sunshine a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?>You found Sunshine swinging around some magical wand- turning patches of the castle into milk chocolate.>So, after a quick talking to and having Twilight try to de-chocol-ify the castle, this left you alone with Sunshine.>"Daddy, are you mad at me?">You pick your head up from the table to look at your pouting daughter with a tired smile."No, Sunshine. I'm not angry. Just a little tired.">"-but you shouted when I was playing with my toy. . .">Damn it, you did, didn't you?>You happen to remember doing that after nearly getting blasted by that wand."I wasn't shouting at you, kiddo. Daddy just didn't want to be turned into candy, is all.">"Oh. . . Okay. . . Daddy, can you cut the crust off my sandwich?">Just barely having the energy to keep your head up off the table, you look up to see Sunshine sticking her tongue out at the plated sandwich that sat in front of her."Sunshine, the crust is fine. Please, just eat it. For daddy.">"-but I don't LIKE the crust. . .">You hold back a grieving sigh, but continue to smile."The crust likes you though. You don't want to hurt it's feelings, do you?">Sunshine looks down at her sandwich with sad eyes.>"No. . .""Then you need to be nice to Mr. Sandwich, and eat all of it.">"Okay, daddy.">The following silence you did not hear was like a euphoria at the moment, but you knew it wouldn't last.>You just didn't expect it to come in the form of a shattering window.
>>40997014>"Ooowahhhh!">The glass came nowhere close to the two of you, but you instinctively tried to cover Sunshine as the sound of a meaty impact on crystal floor became apparent.>Without even turning your head, you sighed.>You didn't need to look to see who was there.>"Oh my g. . . HELLO. . . Rainbow Dash.">Before you could get back into your seat, she was upon you.>"Oh, hey, Anon- is Twilight around? I have something that I REALLY want to show her.""Dash, do you remember what Twilight said would happen if you broke another one of our windows?">The pegasus hoped in place beside your seat before striking a confident pose.>"Yes!">Then her confidence faltered."-I mean. . . No.">"Hi, Aunty Dash-" Sunshine interjected.>You don't know how Sunshine always faced Rainbow Dash with such patience, but you respected the hell out of it.>"Oh, hey, kiddo-" Dash began. "You'll never guess what I've brought for you to play with today!">"A toy?">Please, sweet christian God, no. She has enough.>"Even BETTER! I just need to find. . . Uh, um. . . Um, okay, I just had them.">It was in this moment that you could hear the voice of your wife coming into the room.>"Hun, I heard a noise, and- oh for the love of-">Turning your attention to Twilight as she approached with the same displeased expression as you, you could tell exactly what she was thinking.>It was the same thing you were thinking, after all.>Fucking. . . Rainbow Dash.>"TWILIGHT-" The blue devil cried.>"Dash, I said that I'd be very unhappy with you the next time you broke one of my windows, and I'm tempted to just throw you out. I have a kid now, and I won't tolerate behavior like this.">Heaven forbid Sunshine from mimicking it.>"-but Twilight, this is really important! I haven't seen you in months and really wanted to see you!">"-and now you have, so please leave.">Frantically, Dash began to search all around her; knowing that her time in the castle was dwindling.>"Waitwaitwait, I just wanted to introduce you to. . . Where ARE they?">It was then that you heard a knock at the front door.>"Oh, right-" Dash snorted before moving toward the front door. "They said they wanted to use the door.">You and Twilight shared a glance between each other before humoring this nonsense, if only for the quiet.>All the while, Sunshine was eating around the crust of her sandwich.>"Introducing: the best kid in ALL of Equestria- MY kid!">Before you could even tell what was happening, Dash threw open the door and without a shadow of a doubt- there was a little dark blue pegasus colt there.
>>40997082>They didn't look too much younger from Sunshine.>The two of you weren't sure what to feel right now other than shock, but Dash didn't wait for either of you.>"This is my son, Bob.">A Chunk of her past self squeezing out at Rainbow's words- Twilight leered. >"Bob? What kind of name is Bob?">Catching her before she could say any more, you put a hand on Twilights back."A perfectly normal one, dear. I knew plenty of Bobs back where I come from.">A bit taken back by it, she looked down at the floor with conflicted eyes.>"I know. . . It's just. . .">You pat Twilight a few more times to soothe her concerns."I know. . . I know. . .">Then Sunshine interjected.>"Mommy, can I play with Aunt Dashes kid?">The two of you were uncertain, but decided to at least get a good look at this 'Bob' first.>He looked like the complete opposite of Dash, instantly seeming to earn some brownie points from Twilight since he was instantly capable of finding the front door.>Different from his mother, his mane seemed to be a mix of blues of different hues.>Not to mention the monotone voice the kid had just seemed to suck the energy out of Rainbow Dashes nonsense.>You could hear the two of them talking from here.>"Okay, Bob. You go talk to Sunshine, and I'll go talk to Twilight, and Anon.">"Mom, I don't think this is a good idea. Aren't we being rude?">"Whaaaaaaat? Noooooooo. I do this to Twilight ALL the time, Bob. They like it, I think.">"I don't think they like it, Mom. . .">The kid seemed. . . Weirdly grounded for apparently being Rainbows kid.>"Oh, my Celestia - she's actually a parent. . .">Twilights words caused you to pull back to check on her."Are you sure? She may have just nabbed someone's kid.">Twilight was resting her face in a hood, trying to see if she could make this all go away by pretending it wasn't there.>"No. . . The kid has similar feather, and mane patterns. Same as her parents too. Its a hereditary thing that only changes slightly over generations. . . It's hers.""Well, I'll be dipped. . .">This only left the matter of Sunshine-
>>40997139>You muttered over to Twilight."The kid seems normal enough-">Twilight muttered back.>"We both know that nothing is NORMAL in this town.">Fair."Still, Sunshine needs two things right now, and those things are friends and social interactions.">"I know, I was just REALLY hoping to get into contact with some old friends in Canterlot for a playdate.""She needs friends close to home, Hun.">"I guess, but. . . Rainbows kid?""He appears strangely mature for his age.">"-and what age even is that? We didn't even know she HAD a kid.""Beggars can't be choosers, Twilight. Let's just give it a shot, alright? If anything goes wrong, we can call the cops.">"You can call the cops- I'm getting a shovel because if anything happens you MY kid I WILL KI-""HUN. . . Not in front of Sunshine.">"Right, you're right. Okay.">Finally pulling your attentions back to Sunshine, Twilight gives Sunshine a quick nod- and she was off like a rocket.>It was interesting to see your daughter introducing herself to Bob before letting out a slew of questions asking everything about them.>Each time, Bob answered precisely and matter-of-factly.>It made you laugh a little."They talk like you, Twilight.">"Well, I wasn't aware that intellect and common sense could skip a generation.""Hey, hey, be nice.">You and Twilight watched Sunshine run off into the castle while Bob slowly trotted along behind.>This leaving the two of you alone with Rainbow Dash and your thoughts.>It was then that a grim realization hit you."Oh my God, she's a parent.">"Oh my God, she's a parent."
>>40997176You've captured the mood from original video in Twiligh quite well. Great job!
>>40997270What original video.
Do stallions ever get bullied into anorexia? Would mares try to help him put on weight, but he would just keep refusing to eat healthy? Would his skinny frame make his cock look bigger?
>>40997514>Pineapple only fad diet
/biz/ to force email verification>>>/biz/58388587>implying it will stop at /biz/bunker list here:https://ponepaste.org/8236
>>40997713>>implying it will stop at /biz/okay schizo
>>40990971I feel like it would be too generous toward my work ethic over these past few months to say "I'm still working on it"... but I am still working on it. I've been setting aside weekends to chew away at it and have made more progress now than in the past 5 months combined. I'm about to start my next weekend so hopefully, I'll knock out another good chunk and be done before the end of April. Shoutout to all RNs for being patient!
>>40998056Good to see you're still alive, man.
>>40998086Thank you, glad to still BE alive tbqh. And I'm glad the good people of rgre are still kicking.
>>40998140It's time to eat chicken strips and juggle mares, and I'm all out of mares.
>>40997713What's hiro gonna do with my email? Send me 130 canterlot wedding postcards?
>>40997713Wll there's always NHNB.
>You were in Canterlot>The jewel of Equestria>The seat of the alicorns>etc, etc, etc...>It wasn't that bad>There were a lot of tourist traps>The price of stuff was also ridiculous>You didn't want to even think how expensive it was to get a hotel up here>Thankfully, you hadn't needed to do any of that>You had been given a room in Canterlot Castle by the princesses themselves>Some horse scientists wanted to poke at you for a few days>You weren't super thrilled, but they were paying, and Twilight had insisted that they would be "the gentlest of mares">You hoped she was right, but you never knew with nerds>While coming to the castle, you were led around by the resident sun raiser Princess Celestia>Twilight had told her about the situation, and the old mare wanted to be a good host>She did a pretty good job, all things considered>You were led to a room that was a good fit for your size>The bed was even big enough for you to comfortably sleep in>The princess said she'd have a servant come to take an order for food>Any kind of food as well>She also let you know about the various entertainment rooms in the castle that you could enjoy during your stay here>You'd also have two guards as a detail "so you'd feel safe in this strange place, dear">She then asked if you needed anything else >You joked you wouldn't mind to have someone to keep you warm, since it was so cold in the castle>The Princess got really red when you said that and quickly excused herself>You were worried you had said something that had offended her>She was old, meaning she must have been fairly traditional, and you were pretty sure stallions here didn't say stuff like that>An hour later, there was a knock on your door>On the other side was the princess, a blanket in her mouth wearing the royal pajamas >The mare said through her mouthful of pillow that she would honor your request, "as it was only proper for a mare of her station to cater to the whim of the fairer sex">The alicorn was shaking>With excitement>She hadn't been touched by more than a handful of ponies in the last hundred years, much less a big colt like yourself>And you had just offered to snuggle her all night
>>40998484>For Celestia, the novelty of sharing a bed and cuddling takes months to wear off>The maids mostly just behave as though Anon were Celestia's intended, since they REALLY don't want to roll the dice on that one
>>40992381So now that readers have gotten caught up on the events of the story so far, I'm always open for suggestions.Any ideas on where it can go? Scenarios? That sort of thing.
>>40997399NTA but it reminds me of Mentally Advanced Series and Nepotism Adventures Series' Twilight.
All's I'm saying is that I'm okay being the office eye-candy, AKA the secretary. I get paid to answer the phone and I get positive external validation from horny mares. Pic semi-related, I couldn't find one with anon being the victim of sexism in an office workplace
>>40998326kek, i remember that ban. i wonder how that anon's doing now
>>40998585>Chrysalis having a private moment with Raven, where she promises "terrible retaliation" if Raven breaks her son's heart
>>40998789>Unless I'm sucking COCK!
>>40998877>implying she doesn't just magically lift her partner up in the air like she's sucking on a juice box
>>40999043>"Then she picked me up in her aura and squeezed me like a packet of Capri Sun!">"That's kind of hot.">"Yeah. Still, got my life force sucked out. It wasn't that much fun."
>>40998484More please more, I want Anon to make Celly blush.Maybe have him give her belly rubs, or tell her what they do to houses on earth.
>>40998585>Raven committing to the marriage bit and suffering caffeine withdrawal rather than risk ever accidentally giving any to Anon>Side bit where Luna tries to pick up lesbians and/or realizes she has no idea how to court mares in a world where she doesn't have to keep it hidden (could tie back into main story with lesbo changling?)>More kinky banter betwixt Shiny and Candyass is always a good thing>Get the mane 6 involved in some fashion>Something funny with Blueblood. Anon turns into a generic commoner/butler and gathers "intel" on Blueblood? (actually letting Blueblood treat him like shit so he can dramatically reveal that he's royalty for shits and giggles/as a favor to Celestia)>Raven gets more raw power than any other noble, coping and seething ensues (Celestia is sane and curbs the worst of the nobility's power unless they prove they can handle it?)>Do the wedding but it plays out differently (duh) but not completely differently- maybe a splinter faction of lings wants to get rid of Chrissy, fucks up the wedding to get her killed/make her look weak to justify revolt?
>>40998585Is the negotiations going to cover how they going to handle the love part of the aid package next?
>>40998056Great to hear, and thanks for all the words! Always cheers me up
>>40998877
>>40999257>Maybe have him give her belly rubs>Day 3 of Celestia coming to Anon's room to cuddle with him in bed>Anon decides to introduce belly rubs>Celestia lets out a sexual-sounding moan, the brand-new sensation of belly rubs overwhelming her>The castle staff gives you knowing looks the next morning
>>40998585more world-building like changelings being poisoned by caffeine?
>>40999408>>40999257>>40998484What does twilight think about Anon and Celestia, sleeping together.
>>40999591Do some stallions and mares think that Anon is a sex demon sent to enslave their loving and pure leader.It's funny because they have yet to have sex yet.Do mares look up to Celestia more now, as she seduced an Alien in a single night.
>>40999262>Do the wedding but it plays out differently (duh) but not completely differently- maybe a splinter faction of lings wants to get rid of Chrissy, fucks up the wedding to get her killed/make her look weak to justify revolt?I wonder if Cadence and Shiny would be okay with hosting a double wedding with Raven and Anon.In RGR, Cadence might not care, but Shiny might be grumpy with the idea of sharing his "big day."Could be a good opportunity to explore Shining as an RGR stallion since he's usually portrait as a janefilly with no coltish behavior at all.Kind of like stories about tomboys who still want to be treated like a princess once in a while to be reminded of their womanhood.>Side bit where Luna tries to pick up lesbians and/or realizes she has no idea how to court mares in a world where she doesn't have to keep it hidden (could tie back into main story with lesbo changling?)I was actually thinking about making the reason Chrysalis looks at Luna with respect is actually because she knew her a thousand years ago under disguise.Like Chrysalis took the form of a night guard and was close to Luna- maybe she was the one who fostered Luna's hatred, at first to split up the sisters to weaken Equestria for herself, but later because she genuinely started to feel sympathy for Luna living in Celestia's shadow.>>40999275This might be where I bring in the Mane6.The want to workshop the idea and want Twilight to start studying just how love eating works and the potential side long term side affects.>>40999412I have been thinking about what Prince Changelings are. Obviously they aren't queens.I was thinking the function of princes for a hive is that they can store and refine love energy better than any other type of changeling, even the queen.Like others can only condense love into a honey form, but Anon can crystalize it, and even enchant it, effectively making love powered artifacts.I was thinking that the changeling throne that stops magic is actually made from crystalized, enchanted love and was the magnum opus of the last living changeling prince.
>>40999709>chrissy knew and felt for luna a thousand years agoA romance a millenium in the making, make it happen.
>>40999917>>40999709>Luna x Chryssy soap opera tier affairYes yes do it, I'm totally not biased or anything>>40999731Ladies please, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak and spongy.
>>40999709>In RGR, Cadence might not care, but Shiny might be grumpy with the idea of sharing his "big day.">Could be a good opportunity to explore Shining as an RGR stallion since he's usually portrait as a janefilly with no coltish behavior at all.I rike>the part about the role of princesI like the idea of them filling a niche roll. I'm not going to tell you how to write your story, do it however you like, but I personally would go more for "niche uncommon role fill that's powerful and useful, but not OP" over "does normal thing better than ever the strongest changeling can" just to avoid anonicorn's doomstar situations. Maybe princes are only born when a hive's needs exceed what the queen can provide, and he's just this really efficient love processor or honey refinery. Like, there has to be a reason a prince was born to this hive but not another, right? Similar to how if one queen bee dies IRL, a new one is conditioned to grow into a new queen.
>>40998585>Check writer profile>A whole pile of unfinished, permanently on hiatus stories>Asking for plot advice for his own story alreadyRed flags.
>>40999731my favorite meme format
So who wants to see me continue this horror show?
>>41000356it is a noble endeavor to increase the rare and limited phoenix population
>>41000458>"Some may call me an animal abuser. But I ask you, how many endangered species has YOUR dick saved from extinction?"
>>41000356>>41000458>>41000462Honestly speaking; do you know how valuable a male that could impregnate any female of any species would be, on a world with so many different intelligent variations? A male like that would likely have a different female every day he'd be tasked to impregnate. That or that alternate dimensional portal research would be kicked up to 11 and funded with the entire planet's resources.
>>41000562>allfather Anon
>>41000562>heavily female ratio'd planet struggling with keeping birthrate up discovering alternate reality planet with males which are omni-compatible
>Its early in the morning Anon stumbles down stairs, his clothes very ruffled.>He just spent the night with Pinkie.>It was great.>He walks to the front counter of SCC and orders a coffee before slinking off to a quiet corner to wake up in peace.>Hopefully Pinkie will keep things on the down low...>Suddenly music starts blaring, startling the patrons trying to eat.>Pinkie does a triple spin somersault down thr stairs, nnoise makers and confetti go off.>"Guess what everypony! I finally lost my virginity! And can you guess who managed to take it from me?">Anon sighs and drops his face into his hands as the colorful spotlights come on with a clunk and a hum of electricity.
>>41000592>Pinkie produces a laminated business card from her mane>It just says "V" on it>She rips it up and tosses the pieces away
>>41000597Shouldn't she have given it to him?
>>41000601She did before Anon came down. This one is just a replication of Pinkie's actual V-card that exists so that she can rip it up dramatically. The real one is in Anon's wallet.
>>41000462>>41000562Would it be saving if they give birth to humans?
>>40998484I wonder what ponies reactions would be if Celestia gave a bite of cake from her own plate to Anon. Would they faint? panic or accept their new sun prince, Anon.(Bonus points if Celestia offered a bite without thinking, surprising and slightly horrifying herself as well.)
>>41000922>males are human>females are mother's specieThere may be some conflicting feelings
>>41001057I mean even as Satyrs
>>40999406I NEED Chrysi greens
>>41000143That's why I'm trying to think of a good way too end this relatively quickly instead of turning it into a Neverending story.I need to think of a good end goal, though I'm thinking maybe the wedding.I was actually thinking of a big Wedding Climax where the wedding gets "attacked" but it turns out to be a bunch of Shining Armor's guards.Like, the idea is, a bunch of guards seemingly revolt, everyone thinks this is an assasination attempt, maybe even some changelings are in on it and they think it's a plot to overthrow the government.It turns out Shining, while a little upset about sharing his day, complains to all the fellas at his bachelor party. Of course he has no plan of saying as much to his wife or princesses. He doesn't want to be seen as uppity and lose their respect.The other guards, being such good bros to their boss, feel it's their responsibility to get Shining the wedding he deserves where he gets to be the center of attention, hence their plan to ruin the wedding so it gets rescheduled and seperated the second time around.Some changelings are in a similar boat, in that they don't think their prince should have to share the limelight with anyone else.Plus weddings are a great place to get love, so two instead of one is just good math to them.
>>41001040Okay that would be great.I was thinking that Anon could give Celestia Belly rubs and cuddle with her, but thanks to the moans and them sleeping in the same bed. Everyone in the castle thinks they are sleeping together, and fucking every single night.They are not. I thought this would be really funny if twilight and the rest of the mane 6 thought anon would be hard to seduce or thought he was weird or something. As everyone thinks on who started this sex filled romance.Meanwhile Anon and celly just cuddle eat cake and play games.Is Anon a sex demon sent to seduce Celly or did she being the paragon of marelyness seduce Anon with barely any effort.
>>40998484>Be Celestia>The supreme gentlemare>Because that's what you were>A gentlemare>Only a gentlemare such as yourself would have accepted Anon's request>Not only that, but you'd like to think you went above and beyond>Of course you made sure as were as close as possible while the two of you slept together>He had confessed to being cold, and you were very warm>It was also why you laid a wing over him>Your feathers were warmer than any blanket, and very, very soft>Anonymous was also a big and robust stallion>It only made sense to squeeze him as tightly as you could >Doing this to a normal colt would have broken ribs, but for him it would be as if you were a weighted blanket>Which, of course, is known to aid in sleep>Speaking of aiding in sleeping, petting and scratching things just before bedtime also helped with sleep>Why use some dog or feline when you were already there in bed with him?>It made perfect sense to let him pet your face, and scratch your chin and neck, then boop your nose and scratch your belly>It was a lot of work, but you were his host>The only thing you COULD do was suffer through this night after night...>...For the next ten years hopefully
>>41001059I would have no issue with my daughters turning out this adorable. Although learning to walk may be significantly more difficult.
>>41001452Intensely touch starved and cuddle desperate Celestia is my favorite Celestia.
>>41001624>Anon hangs out at the castle after his arrival while the princesses figure out what to do with him>They get used to his presence after a few weeks>For Luna, Anon becomes just another aspect of her environment>Another painting on the wall, another maid cleaning up; another alien couch-surfing at her house.>They nod at each other when they pass and exchange greetings (Luna may be a bit distant, but she's not fucking rude), but that and the occasional instances of small-talk are about the extent of his friendship with Luna>Celestia, on the other hand, had a very different reaction>She figures, "He has no possible ties to any other country or political faction and he lives in a castle for free; what possible reason would he have to blab?" and fucking talks Anon's ear off.>"My little ponies have to be taught the same lessons over and over.">"That one stallion complaining about how much his neighbor's plants clash with his own flower garden came back again.">"Did you know that a lot of ponies are really really upset about the cheese tax hike? I do. Guess who I know, Anonymous. Guess.">Anon is a good listener and ends up learning a lot about Celestia>Celestia, curious about her verbal sponge, asks about Anon's life in turn>A few weeks after that, Anon is comfortable enough to give her a casual hug after she (being the gentlemare she is) escorted him through the halls of her castle and to his bedroom>Goes into room, closes the door>Celestia stands ramrod straight for five entire minutes before she regains her senses and walks back to her bedroom
>>41002055>cuddly AND chatty CelestiaI need it
>>41002055>ponies are worried and try to protect their glorious leader from that interdimensional hussy.>anon keeps finding wierd horse condoms and rubber gloves slipped into his nightstand by the maids.Hmm, how would condoms be looked at in rgre?
>>41002636Depeds on if this is leaning on low male numbers also causing birthrates to drop, and making everyone worry about a potential depopulation event.
>>40997014Would you still date Twilight if she had her MAS personality (and voice)?
>>41002641>>41002636>Hmm, how would condoms be looked at in rgre?>"What's a condom?"
>>41002942Imagine the horror on mares faces.>"You mean, you really put a thing on your dick, so you have sex, and not get mares pregnant?">"What's even the point of that?"
>>41002967>Mares denied their cum
>>41002762She seemed to mellow out now so yeah but MAS Twilight is just a bitch
Bump
>>41002967We had something a while back where mares like getting creampies as much as men like giving them, and are horrified by condoms. Something about "gotta feel the splash."
>>41002967>>41003911i mean if the chance of pregnor is approaching zero outside of a mare's estrus week then it'd make sense for mares to love getting the Big Nut™
Silly mares
>>41002967What would happen if stallions learned about this magical device that could prevent forced shotgun herd weddings?
>>41000356Here goes.Wingnut, also known as Smutannon here. Those that remember me might also remember that I was writing RGRE only occasionally, because I was a snowpony writer. Well, I finished my near-half-a-million words story now. Guess what? Alien- nope, not that. Phoenix Down'd update, since I couldn't think up of a story that's more diametrically opposed to the lore-heavy, serious and wholesome snowpony story. Time to reset my brain and replenish the creative juices once more by writing something that's completely different for a while.>Eventually, Celestia manages to find the time for a proper audience.>And to contain her giggles, of course.>You are led to a large veranda on the side of the palace, the Sun shining almost blindingly brightly outside while the roof provides comfortable shade.>Philomena sits on your shoulder, of course, looking more smug than you'd think a bird, magical or not, could possibly look.>Hell, more smug than *anything* could possibly look.>Why would that be? You're going to meet Celestia, her owner.>Then again, given how all the other noblemares acted, and given that Celestia is the biggest noble of them all...>Did she want to fuck you too? And is Philomena smug because of that?>Crap, you really hope she's not like that. She seemed pretty chill, from what little you saw so far.>The princess is comfortably laying down by a low table, a bunch of little snacks and a teapot on it.>Instead of chairs, there's a bunch of large pillows,>Once she sees you get close, she nods to the guards escorting you.>"Ah, good. You may go.">"Yes, Your Highness.">With a bow, they retreat.>Doing your best to contain your nerves, you take your seat.>You wonder briefly whether it was some kind of insult to sit down before you were invited, but you quash that thought without much effort.>After all the weirdness, fucking a phoenix included, you find yourself less and less bothered about potentially making a fool out of yourself.>"So. Anonymous of Earth, am I correct?">Her voice is calm and smooth, and so is her expression, the alicorn pouring you a cup of tea with her magic."Yes, Your Highness.">"Mm, titles. Curious thing, that. Since you're technically not my subject, I'm not really "your" highness, am I? Would you object to calling me Celestia?""...I wouldn't, but I was under the impression that I was in Canterlot specifically in regards to my... Citizenship?">"Indeed you were. An Outsider is not something you see every day, as I'm sure you know, and, supposedly harmless as you were, I still wanted to make sure.">You shrug."Not exactly. Back on my world, we never had anything like inter-dimensional aliens at all. My world has no magic, so no magical shenanigans to speak of."
>>41004114>She hums thoughtfully, taking a sip of tea. You follow suit, eyeing the little teacakes and stuff.>"Indeed, by all accounts, you were remarkably mundane for an Outsider. Not even an unusual sort of magic in your possession. One would expect your visit to pass by unremarkably as well, but you still managed to make some waves, hm?">She eyes Philomena as she says it, unable to contain a small giggle as the firebird puffs up, looking even MORE smug somehow."...Yeah, I got nothing.">She giggles again.>"My goodness, did Philomena's courting floor you so hard that you're still unable to collect yourself? She wasn't really some Casanova last I checked.">Philomena chirps disdainfully at that, raising her beak in the air snootily like some noblemare."Eh... The whole "dumped in another dimension" did. Philomena was just the final straw, so to speak.">"Oh dear. I hope you're not carrying on this relationship out of... Desperation? Lack of sanity?""...Not really, I think. I do like her. She's great, but... Well, I'd really like to understand what she's saying, but I'm guessing that's something to do with magic.">She nods.>"I'm afraid so. Lacking magical ability, you might learn her cues and some bits of speech by memorizing them, but direct communication is probably not possible.""I can still ask you questions about her, though, can't I?">"Oh my, of course! Anything.">Philomena seems to become a tiny bit nervous at that."Alright, well, what's with her attraction to me? I mean, uh... Including the physical. I'd never even have considered... But she just... Went straight for... Yeah.">You cough awkwardly and take a sip of tea as both Philomena and Celestia giggle.>"<Hey, if you're surrounded by nothing but ponies for centuries...>">"Hmm, indeed. As Philomena just said, she has spent many, many years with ponies. I suppose, over time, her tastes have shifted and widened to adapt to her current situation. A not uncommon phenomenon among creatures of all kinds of species.">"<Yeah, and I happened to saw some things when flying around. Naked stallions. Ponies going at it. Eventually, I couldn't help but wonder how'd something like that feel inside me. Got me all hot and bothered, to my surprise.>""I'll take your word for it, given that we're the only sapient beings on our world. Which kind of ties into my next question.">"Sapience?""Yes. I noticed that animals in this dimension all seem to be at... Well, maybe not equal, but almost equal mental level ponies seem to be. Which is just all kinds of weird. Which just makes me question what's the difference between "animal" and "person" considered here.">"Ahh. I see. That's a tricky one.""Take your time. It's something that's immediately obvious, but when you actually try to put it into words and explain it to an outsider, it's suddenly not so easy any more, is it?"
>>41004119>"Indeed! You're a clever stallion, aren't you? Hmm... Well... Honestly, it varies a lot. The easiest way to put it would be civilization. Animals don't build things - save for nests and such, of course - but at the same time, that does not exclude them from being, as you said, of nearly equal mental capacity. However, it varies from individual to individual and species. Some species are dumb as rocks, while others are considered far more intelligent.">You nod."A lot like how it was back home. There were some very smart birds. Parrots, ravens and the like, but that still wasn't nearly at the level creatures are here at. If I'd grabbed a raven, I'm pretty sure most of them would still struggle in a panic until they died, as most animals do.">Celestia blinks in surprise as Philomena chirps in disdain.>"My word. They're so senseless? All of them?">You shrug."Most of them, yes. Dumb as bricks, compared to animals here.">"Ah. I see. Let me guess: with such a vast gulf in the capacity for reasoning, relationships like the one with Philomena were looked down upon back in your world?""Pretty much. They're considered... Highly depraved by pretty much every civilized society, and are illegal in many of them. I was honestly flabbergasted when everyone found out, and didn't even bat an eye at it. Heck, they were much more concerned with feeling jealous for Philomena rather than the fact I was railing someone that's a... Well, a pet.">Grimacing, you take a teacake while Celestia giggles, Philomena chirping proudly.>"<Buck yeah, take that, losers! Who's got the brightest plumage and landed herself the biggest cock - in every sense of the word?>">Celestia lets out an un-princess like horsey snort as she eyes the bird.>"Language, Philomena.">Still chirp-laughing, the firebird flaps her wings and lands on Celestia's back, instead.>"Anyway, like I said, it's a... Highly individualistic thing. No small amount of ponies do indeed consider such relationships odd and at least somewhat depraved, especially if one party is just... Taking advantage of someone lesser than them. The thing with Philomena is, she's quite well-known in Canterlot by now. Both for her intelligence and personality.""That's another question. We had fairytales about phoenixes and the like. Does she really have all their mythical powers? She's immortal and can't be killed?">Celestia hums.>"She can be killed, but unless she dies in some specific ways, she is capable of endless rebirth, yes. But not immortal.""That's still nuts. Makes you wonder how is it that the entire world is not covered by phoenixes.">"They do have predators, I'm afraid. If a phoenix is swallowed by a creature with more powerful internal flames, such as, say, a dragon...">Philomena huffs angrily."Ah. That explains why she'd go off to live here, away from her natural habitat. At least, I'm assuming this isn't her natural habitat."
>>41004122>"Indeed not. She manages to get by with the occasional dietary supplement, though.">As Celestia explains it, she levitates a few black nuggets from a box that was hidden under the table towards Philomena.>It almost looks like coal.>Wait, that's probably exactly what it is.>Philomena happily gobbles them up.>Next is a yellow-ish nugget. Sulfur?>She eats it up as well, her feathers rippling magically as if they were on fire.>Weird, but in comparison to everything else that you saw? 2/10, at most."So, to clarify fully and completely... My relationship with her is not... Wrong?">Celestia smiles.>"I wouldn't say so, though I'm not going pretend that it didn't take me by surprise. My goodness, the looks on the faces of the noblemares...">You can't help but smile as well."Priceless.">"Indeed.">All three of you spend a couple minutes chuckling.>Celestia manages to calm down first, her voice becoming more serious.>"Still, if it was a spur-of-the-moment thing... It would probably be a good idea to decide just how serious you're considering this relationship to be. If it's just a roll in the hay, it'd be best to break this off now, after both of you had some fun and blew off some steam.">Philomena turns her head towards you, giving you a piercing look.>You purse your lips as you dig through your emotions."Well, ah... Hm. I... I honestly like her... I think.">Philomena chirps, flying over to you and landing on your shoulder again, rubbing her face against yours.>"<That's my mate.>">Celestia smiles.>"That is good to hear.""And does she... Like me?">Celestia raises an eyebrow as she looks at the firebird.>"<Hey, what's with the question? I ride your fat dick every night while you stuff me to near bursting, and you still need to ask me that?>">"Hmmm... Well, she certainly enjoys your... Sexual prowess.">You frown a little."Ah.">Philomena begins chirping in a panic, hugging you with her wings.>"<Whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey! Watch what you're saying, sunbutt, or I'll set your bed on fire! He's mine, and I'm not leaving him until he's ash!>">Celestia chuckles, taking a sip of tea.>"Well, phoenixes have different ways of expressing love, but she says that she doesn't want to leave you until your dying days.">You stop briefly, your teacup hovering halfway between the table and your mouth.>It takes a few moments for your brain to catch up as Celestia looks at you with mild concern.>You slowly raise your other hand, petting Philomena and rubbing your nose against her beak."That... Is sweet. No one ever told me that before.">Your heart beats a little faster. And here you thought that thing was shriveled up and dead.>Celestia seems a little sad.>"Oh, you poor dear. No human mares ever offered to herd with you at all? You seem like a well-mannered and upstanding stallion.">You laugh and shake your head.
>>41003984Princess Celestia doesn't want you to know this, but guardsmares stationed outside palace are free, you can just take them home.I have three squads in my basement.
>>41004125"We don't do herding back home, but no. Men are a bit more... Abundant than stallions here. Lots more abundant, so I was nothing special.">"Well, you're most certainly very, very special now.""Right... The whole attention from the nobles thing... Only one of my kind... And an "Outsider", as you called me?">"Indeed. You could probably form a very large herd with a number of wealthy and powerful mares.">You grimace in disgust at the thought."Eugh. I'll stick with Philomena, thank you very much.">"<Oh yeah, who's the best! Take me right now, on this table!>">You can only assume that Philomena's saying something uncouth, judging by the look Celestia is giving her.>"No, Philomena. Bad phoenix.">"<Let me smash!>">"Not in public.""I guess this is the animal part of her behavior?">"Your guess is correct, yes. Smart as they are, even the smartest animals are still... Animalistic from time to time.">Philomena jumps down on the table, picking up a blueberry-topped tart and offering it to you.>"<I got you blue. Bastards love blue.>">You glance at her beak, a brief thought about hygiene flitting through your mind, before you remember all the other things you did with her. Allllll the other things.>You take the tart, biting into it as Philomena looks proud, while Celestia shakes her head with a smile.>"So, do you have any other things you'd like me to translate while we're here?""Some. I'm, ah... We're... Hrm.">You falter as you search for the words, Celestia giggling.>"Go ahead. I am millennia old, dear. You're not likely to fluster me with anything you might say.""Well, shocking as it is, our relationship is... Impressively healthy in the physical relations part...">Celestia nods, suppressing her grin.>"Yes, Philomena has informed me. In truly exquisite detail. Truly.">You glare at said bird, Philomena whistling innocently."Well, I'm still wondering about the compatibility. Surely it must hurt her, right? We're just so different...">"Oh, no. Philomena assures me that it's quite a thrilling experience for her.">"<It's amazing how much you land creatures can communicate with just your dicks. When he throbs inside me as I caress those balls of his... Mare, you have no idea.>""Do phoenixes just don't feel pain?">"They do, but they can take a lot of punishment, and, with their special abilities, they... Well, Philomena, at least, has some rather differing attitudes towards things.">You raise your eyebrows."Yeah? Like what?">Philomena begins chirping into your ear. You're assuming that she's trying to be seductive.>"<I still hope you actually rut me to death with that monster dick of yours someday.>">You look towards Celestia, who's looking a bit uncomfortable.>For the first time, she loses control of the conversation, using overly formal words to describe what Philomena said.>"She, ah... Has expressed a hope to... Be ended by your impressively-sized stallionhood some day."
>>41004132"...She wants me to fuck her to death?">"In laymare's terms, yes.">You raise your hands towards your head as you facepalm and rub your face.>Celestia tsks, looking at Philomena.>"See? What did I tell you about manners? You don't just tell stallions such things to their faces, silly bird. They're delicate creatures."Line 386https://ponepaste.org/8732Not a big update, but I'm planning for a few more thousand words. After that... Maybe more Alien Encounters, or maybe something else. We'll see.
>>41004139>be me>autoscroll to bottom of the thread>read last post without any context>be horribly confused
>>41004150Yup, even with context, that green really is... Something, isn't it?
I just had a thought of an interesting crossover character with RGREquestria.Vash the Stampede.Think about it, he's like the perfect RGR stallion. Extreme whimsy and protective nature. Since he doesn't flaunt his skills, ponies wouldn't realize he's a badass and think he's just a goofy stallion.The best part would be when a mare sees hm without his shirt for the first time. Priceless.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lDCBDpN_8I
>>41004139Good shit man, everyone feels in-character but distinct. The conversation felt natural, as unconventional a topic as it is. That "I got you blue, bastards love blue" line, for whatever reason got a chuckle out of me. It has been far too long since any writing's done that. I do call bullshit that, in the magical land of Equestria there is no "talk with animals" spell, or at the very least if there isn't one, Twilight couldn't make one, but there needs to be a reason for Celestia to be involved so it's understandable.
>>41004139Yes, very interesting... but what about that whole compatibility angle
>tfw you spend the whole winter bulking and getting absolutely massive for some really big lifting>tfw spring happens, and you have to undergo the yearly cut>two months pass, and you drop a considerable amount of weight>thank you 1000mg of fat burners per day>tfw you go outside in some short-shorts and a tight shirt>To your delight, they're tighter than they were last year>This is also to the delight of the local female population>tfw you accidently cause a pony pile up in the middle of town>tfw you got a fine for disturbing the peace and public lewdness>tfw it was ten fucking bits>for short-shorts>tfw Caramel said this isn't helping your reputation as a hopeless sloot>tfw you're not a fucking sloot>all you wanna be is big and jacked>like Arnold>or that one fella that yells about peanuts>those guys were radical
>>41002967>Ponies try to imagine how the condom was even invented>"Ladies and gentlemen, I have succeeded in making sex worse!"
>>41004352What fat burners are you using, LaP? I'm starting to cut.
>>41004539I try not to use them. Every time I do I get weird prophetic dreams. Too much caffeine in them.
>>41004543>Every time I do I get weird prophetic dreams.Gonna need some elaboration on that, LaP.
>>41004352>Be Applejack>You had been explaining to Rarity just how much of a dyke she was when Anon walked by>Ten seconds later, that FAT ol flank of his passed by as well>All wiggling and bouncing and whatnot>Sweet Celestia, who let that colt outside?
>>41004352>fat burnersDidn't even know that was a thing
>>41004615I just don't want to be fat. I don't even have access to a gym, I'm on the road 6/7 days.
>>41004607>>Ten seconds later, that FAT ol flank of his passed by as well>>All wiggling and bouncing and whatnot>Anon's fat when he gets to Equestria>The lack of edible junk food, the abundance of fresh produce, and the necessity of walking instead of driving slim him down>Anon's stal-pals tell him, "You're practically half the man you used to be!">A handful of mares sadly lament, "He's practically half the man he used to be.">Anon is blissfully unaware that his previous plump posterior is being mournedGod, Equestria would be so good for my health. Can you imagine how fucking good Equestrian produce must taste? And how many new flavors and spices must exist when ponies' pallets don't include the various types of meat?
>>41004352Bulking on a budget life hack just ask as many mares out as possible and when they ask you where you want to go say an all you can eat Buffett if you get caught being a sloot make up some shit about men's empowerment or whatever. You know the usual
>>41004765Fuck you, I ain't giving up meat. But just the fact everything they make isn't processed chemical infused garbage would be a massive improvement.
>>41004867I'm not saying you need to give up meat, I'm just saying that the veggies probably taste a lot better than ours.
>>41004889How about meat-flavored cupcakes?aka Pinkie's vag with a wrapper under it
>>41004922I'm sure she's got enough yeast to count as a protein alternative.
>>41004607I want to burry Applejack's snout in my crotch and make her inhale
>>41004922Would she be mad if I bite?
>>41005062Just don't break the skin
>>41005068No promises, depends on how long I've gone without a delicious meaty meal.
>Pinkie brags to her friends about how good Anon ate her out, explaining she's never cum so hard in her life.>She turns around and lifts her tail right there in the middle of the crowded restaurant to show her friends her pussy lips, all that's left under her ponut is just a slit. Her lips, clit and everything that puffed up when she was horny is just gone, clean bite marks are the only evidence that there was anything else there.>At first the other mares are all disgusted and shocked that Anon would do such a thing.>Rarity expresses she couldn't possibly imagine living without her precious clit.>One by one, Anon is approached by mares, asking if he wants to eat them out.>Within a month most of ponyville mares have heard about Anon's specia diet, and the mares who are missing their funbits, are bragging about how good it felt.>Suddenly Anon is being offered more pussy than he could ever hope to eat.
>>41005105well that went in a direction
>>41005105I'd rather it cooked, instead of raw at least.
>>41004867>>41004889Ponies have leather and carnivorous pets so they must have some kind of livestock they're cool with butchering. Just ask for cat food I guess?
>>41005152I'd rather just become friends with a griffon butcher, or marry one.
>>41004139I unironically really like this green. Philomena just doesn't get greens so it's a nice change.also hope to see her lay some fertilized eggs and have anon save the Phoenix population or similar
>>41005163ggfbros... we keep on winning...
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/406461/family-is-who-you-love>Anon and Jane had a long conversation that night after they had parted ways with Moondancer.>The little girl had wanted the mare to come over, of course, but Anon reminded her that she was still in trouble for back talking his teacher and that still had to have consequences.>"But Stupid Abacus won't even be my teacher anymore, so it doesn't matter!" the girl had tried to counter, which only landed her in hotter water."We do not call ponies stupid, especially because they're just trying to do their job or annoy you a little," he had told her in a very stern voice. "Are you going to call Moondancer stupid if she does something that bugs you? What about Iron Sheet? She's a friend, right? You want to push everyone away just because you can't control your temper?">That'd gotten her to snap her mouth shut and avert her eyes, and when Moondancer left them, all the girl could give was a muted goodbye.>Once inside, they discussed what would happen, and only if Moondancer didn't change her mind later.>Anon wouldn't blame the mare for doing so after having some time to actually think over the implications of what she offered in the spur of the moment.>First, Jane would be finishing out the school year since there was only a few months left anyway.>He, or perhaps Moondancer, would even make attempts to start going over more advanced lessons in the meantime to better challenge the little girl's mind.>Anon hadn't liked the idea of letting Jane skip grades to begin with because he didn't want to rob his little girl of the opportunity for socializing with her peers.>It would be even more important for the child as a stranger in a strange land to make connections now that could help her into adulthood.>With the prospect of homeschooling, however, that would be going out the window, so Anon had made two changes to his stance.>For one, over the summer he'd see about getting her evaluated officially by educators to see which grade they'd be starting her lessons in, and allowing her to 'graduate' as it were as early as possible.>There really wasn't much reason to prevent her from getting a diploma ahead of schedule now, so once he and Moondancer deemed her ready, they'd take her in to attempt the comprehensive exams required for acquiring a high school diploma.>The other change Anon would be making with his daughter had less to do with the academic side of things, and more to do with making friends.>He'd allowed Jane to shut herself off from other children until now with only gentle promptings to socialize more, but now it was a requirement.>He wanted his daughter to start making a real effort at making friends, and that included inviting the few she had at school out for playdates.>He'd talk with the parents to set them up, and this coming winter, he expected his daughter to have a list of potential guests for her birthday party.
>>41005992>cutting the meat with her talonsGreat detail
>>41006111what does a talon job feel like?
>>41006326If she likes you then it's a normal hand job. HOWEVER! Knife like talons next to a sensitive soft meat stick can end very bad by just one bird pun.
>>41006384Also beaks are mouth knives. Hope you weren't looking forward to a blowjob.
>>41006397Hell, I hope you weren't hoping for a kiss, neither. Griffons got no lips, you'll have a hard beak clamped around your mouth at best.
>>41006041>'Family is who you love' came backDidn't realize today was my birthday.
>>41006741I'm working on a new chapter.Question for the board; where in Canterlot is a good place to take a child to try and make friends besides the park and playground?Should Equestria have arcades and video games or not? I know we see Button at an arcade machine one time, buy, you know, the show was inconsistent about that sort of thing.
>>40976262a crack at the sex is better than sex in a crack
>>41006784Maybe technology is powered by magical crystals? that's why they have games/fridges/etc but no TVs and computers.
>>41006740guess i'll have to settle for kissing her ponut
>>41006784Yes? Check out arcade games from the 1920s-1940s. Anything that doesn't use integrated circuits would be plausible. Vinyl Scratch has a turntable setup, that's something that uses tubes, at least.>>41006804The TV was not the first thing invented after we started our mastery of electromagnetism.Even then, for a long time, not everyone had the latest in entertainment technology. You'd go over to your friend's house, because he had a TV. Or phonograph, depending on what year it was.Fridges date back to the 1850s, and were practical for home use by 1910.
>"I can't sell that to you, sir.""Why not?">"Because you might hurt yourself, sir.""It's just a saw, little country story mare.">"It is a sharp and dangerous tool, sir. It's not the sort of thing a colt should be handling.""Thankfully, I'm not a colt. I'm a people.">"It's against the law to sell such things to colts, sir.""Then how am I going to be able to cut up wood, little country shop mare?">"I'd personally ask a mare that knows what she's doing, sir.""But none of you know what you're doing. Your buildings fall apart all the time and you make trains out of gingerbread. If you horses didn't have your magic you'd have never figured out house building. Now, sell me that saw please.">"Again, I can't.""Oh yes you can.">"Nope.""Yep.">"Nu-huh.""Little country store mare, I will pay you double the cost for a single saw. I need it.">"Forgive me for saying it, but you need a stern talking to from your mother and not much else, sir.""I'd like to remind you that I'm three times your size, little country store mare.">"I noticed when you came in, sir. I'd suggest cutting back on the sweets.""...">"...""...">"...""Sell me a fucking saw!">"I will complain to Princess Twilight again if you keep throwing a fit.""Oh, fuck off!">Just another day in sexist horseland
>>41006784>>41006957Ponyville has a movie theater according to One Bad Apple, though we never see any TVs. Considering Equestria has enchanted comic books that serve the same function as VR games, I don't think it's that unreasonable to just have magic-powered simulations. I bet they'd be popular in spite of the comic books because not every kid wants to really feel the kicking of their ass every time they lose a boss fight.
>>41007009Big mac has a huge black market tool shop for Stallions who want tools from saws to drills.(100% mark up)
>>41007009>Mares have to stack up to angrily boop you
>>41007031Movies, complete with color and sound, were also created in the 1920s.
>>41007049I'm gonna start manhandling these little assholes.
>>41007009The obvious solution is to just take the saw and leave. What is a knee-high pony going to do to a male?
>>41007068Damn thats some hot art
>>41007087Every time Anon is met with resistance by a sexist pony all he does is embarrass them.Either from picking them up, holding them from their scruff, etc and simply does whatever he wants.what are they going to do? cry to guards who will laugh that she has been Mare handled by a Stallion?
>>41007009I'd drag that mare outside and find a dumpster to throw her into
>ywn make a Mare raise foals instead of working in the fields bucking apple trees all day
>>41007142Is this what they call a 'stallionist delusion'?
>>41007142>homebreaking AJ of all mares
>>41007160Granny can bake a mean pie, after all.
>>41007160>>41007151Stay at home dads Pre-Modern era were rare, but they existed. Usually do to their work/business relating to home.
>>41007172Well, who do you think taught her? Dear ol' departed grandpa, that's who.
>>41006041>This would also mean no spending every day at the library, which had gotten the biggest reaction from the girl.>"What? Why not?!""Because the library isn't exactly the best place to make friends.">"I met Moondancer there!""One adult friend in two years isn't an impressive track record, Jane. You need to be where the other kids your age are. That's why we're be going to the park and playground more often.">"But-""No buts. If anything, you need the exercise. Don't think I haven't noticed you getting winded going up the stairs to our apartment.">She harrumphed, but eventually conceded when Anon made it clear he wouldn't be giving up ground on this.So it was that the next day, after dropping Jane off at school, Anon went to Moondancer's home, which she gave the address for the previous night, and knocked.>He had to wait a couple minutes before the mare finally opened the door, hearing her voice before she did.>"Augh, I swear if that's you, Minuette... How many times do I have to remind you that not all of us like to be woken up early in the morning.">The door opened to reveal a grumpy unicorn, hair down and disheveled, a notable lack of a sweater atop her beige coat, and eyes narrowed in either grogginess or agitation.>Probably both, Anon guessed, feeling a little bad for waking the mare.>Those purple eyes snapped wide as she realized she was looking at a man's waist and not a fellow mare's face as she quickly looks up at him.>"A-anon? What are you doing here?"He smiled awkwardly and answered, "Yeah, sorry about coming so early. I know I said I'd be coming over, but we forgot to come up with a time, and well, I figured why not now? Jane's in school, so we've got the time, and I wanted to try and catch you before you were out and about for the day.">"There's no need to apologize," she said bashfully, giving a nervous chuckle. "Heh, I should be the one apologizing, if not for putting us in this awkward position to begin with, than probably for looking like a mess. Y-you can come in.">As she stepped back and opened the door the rest of the way, Anon stepped through, being sure to bend low as to not hit his head off of the frame.>When he stood up, he looked around the room, surprised by the mess within.>He saw books stacked on the coffee table in the middle of the room, and even more beside the small couch, along with some empty takeout containers.>He also noted that the bookcase against the wall was surprisingly full, despite the books left elsewhere."Were you researching something last night?" he asked. "I'm getting déjà vu from my college days of cramming before exams.">"Oh! S-sorry about the mess," she quickly said, moving into the room to pick up the food containers in her magic and hurrying through an archway, where Anon could hear the containers being crushed into a trashcan."It's not problem," Anon called, moving towards the couch and picking up a book, surprised to see that it was a math book.
>>41007245>Wake up at the crack of maybe 9 AM>Been putting of cleaning house since you met Anon>The first male interested in you since high school shows up and sees the state of things>You keep screaming but Princess Celestia won't answer
>>41007346>>Wake upIn the morning hits differently now that P Diddy got exposed
>>41007564>Fluttershy was the one waking up feeling like P Diddy instead of Anon.
>>41007564exposed for what
>>41007571>Wake up in the mornin' just like Celestia>Grab my books, I'm still indoors, I got some amentia>'fore I read, brush my mane, like when I was a filly>'cause when I read late at night, I tend to get real silly
>>41007009>Pick up mare>Set her on a high shelf >Put money for saw on the counter >Leave with saw.
>>41007674>I'm talking pedicure on our hooves, hooves >Tryin' on my new goods, goods>Anons wantin' to jump our bones, bones>Start shoppin', trying to look like QTs>Pullin' up to the parties>Tryna outsell those Barbies
>>41007590Rape, trafficking, blowing up Kid Cudi's car (real shit nigga tried to kill him) having sex with minors, drugs, hiring male prostitutes and forcing his gf to have sex with them, beating said gf black and blue, probably molesting/raping Usher and Justin Bieber, and being a big H O M O.Here's a clip of him allegedly fucking Meek Mill, viewer discretion is adviced. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/FUXvlmKMNY4The guy in the hoodie is his former Security Guard btw
>>41007796Huh. Sounds like #justcelebritythings if you ask me.
>>41007674Now I really want a green of Twilight singing horribly to herself, shoddy improv lyrics because she thinks she's alone and is acting nerdy-dumb (we've all acted silly when we were alone, you know it) only to spin and see Anon there, and immediately shriveling up inside.Anon thought it was the cutest thing ever and quotes the lyrics randomly at times or even hums the song under his breath, much to her embarrassment.
>>41007674>>41007766>ywn be their manager and produce songs with them
>>41007245Hey, it's great to see this continuing. Thanks, man. I hope things have gotten better for you.
Would you boys give Sunburst some siblings? Because I would.https://twibooru.org/1500977
>>41007796>molesting/raping Usher and Justin BieberThat sounds more like a public service than a crime.
>>41007854FUCK that's cute
>>41007796>probably molesting/raping Usher and Justin Bieber,Belieb this, you piece of shit.
>>41007681I fucking love the concept of just putting ponies in slightly too high places so they cannot get down on their own
>>41008582Pony Magic becomes unreliable when fear is mixed in. Thats why they just don't telekinesis down.
>>41006784Maybe, but not electronic/digital/pixel based systems. Video games would be implemented with magic echantments. The graphics of such systems would be analog with optical compositing (including anti-light masking). And control logic would be game specific rather than having standardized hardware.
>>41007009"Ok, you asked for it.">You quickly approach the workshop mare and grab her in a kitten cradle, she must barely weigh 30 kg.>"Unhand me, you animal! I will call the guards!""Oh, and what are you gonna tell them? That a 'fat' stallion emaresculated you?" "Are you willing to antagonize the /entire/ stallion population in this town?" "You know how the stallion grapevine works, hell, they knew about me an hour after I arrived!">"B-But you can hurt yourself, stallions arent meant to use heavy tools!">"You gotta get yourself a mare to rein you in, you asshat!""Is that so? Let's go then.">With mare in arms, you march with military steps towards the town hall, much to the mare's confusion."And here I was just planning to put you on the top shelf without the ladder.">"W-where are you taking me?""You said I needed a mare, right? How loving of you to volunteer! We're signing the documents today.">(whispered) "is this how the stalliondom mares feel?">(whispered) "i-it's kinda nice...">half an hour later, your new horsewife and you are back in the toolshop"So, will you sell me the goddamned saw?">"Y-yes, honey.""Was it that hard?">You drop 20 bits for the magically reinforced saw and give your new horsewife a peck on the cheeks the face ones>You make your way back home, ready to finally make that shack you wanted to. Guess you're adding an extra large bedroom, though. >Just another day in sexist horseland.
>>41008718In my mind's eye the sexist toolshop msre is Carrot Top for some reason.
>>41008571Why do you think they are like this? Molesting creates ushers and biebers. Stop it.
>>41009346>Molesting creates ushers and biebers.You've convinced me. We must eliminate pedophiles from this world.
>>41009683>>41009346Does anyone have that image of the other CMC asking why Scoots is gay? The one that cuts to her aunts shadows
>>41004341>but what about that whole compatibility angleFunnily, I actually had some thoughts about that. We'll see. Might even turn this shitpost of epic proportions into a weird romance.>>41004139>You sigh as you recompose yourself, Philomena looking at least somewhat embarrassed."It wouldn't actually hurt her, I'm assuming?">"Oh, no. She'd be fine moments later. Still, there is a limit to how often she can get reborn. It is an intense process powered by magic, and creatures do run out of magic if they use it extensively. Usually, that'd just mean a period of forced rest, but in her case...">You nod at the implications."Right. Permanent death. Got it.">"Correct. And, for what it's worth, she does not specifically seek to die. Rather, hm...""She thinks that having sex so wild it'd literally kill her would give her mad bragging rights?">Celestia smiles at your understanding.>"Yes! Something like that.""Ha. Back home, a potential murder case like that would crop up now and then in the news. Someone would die, with the other person insisting that it was entirely consensual, and an accident from some overly dangerous stuff in the bedroom that the other person insisted on. I can't begin to imagine the social stigma someone would have with a reputation like that. Quite different when your partner can just come back from the dead, though...">"Mm, yes. Do remember my warning, though.""I will. I'm certainly not going to start killing or hurting her on purpose for some sick amusement.">She smiles in approval.>"That's wonderful to hear. Do you wish to know anything else about her?">You shrug."Nothing else comes to mind right now.">"Very well. In that case, we should probably discuss your future in Equestria, and your employment.""Oh... Right. Some of the staff have been calling me the "Royal pet caretaker". What's that about? Did you give me a job without me knowing about it?">"Not quite. They started that first, but once I heard about it, I found the idea quite to my liking.""But... I'm not taking care of Philomena. I don't know the first thing about her special dietary needs, or anything of the sort.">Celestia smiles and shakes her head.>"Oh, but you're taking very good care of her other needs! And, honestly, the poor dear probably needed it quite badly, after centuries of being alone in regards to intimate companionship.""...Ah.">"But don't think that I'm offering you a position to just be a comfort stallion for my pet! You can learn more about her. I'm certain she's going to be spending far more time with you than me. And, you doubtless have interesting knowledge that lots of ponies would love to pick your brain for - figuratively, of course. And it's probably best if they do it here, with you as a resident of the palace, rather than sending you out into the world and releasing you upon a ravenous horde of scientists.">You nod as you thoughtfully gaze outside."Yeah, okay. That scenario probably wouldn't end well for me."
>>41009847>With a nod, you rise, and follow the guardsmares.>Philomena remains silent the entire time as she sits on your shoulder, probably still embarrassed by her little outburst of too much information.>You're led towards some offices deeper inside, a bored mare perking up a little as she looks you up and down.>Mostly down. Lingering on your legs.>"Ah, yes, I know why you're here. Formalization of your employment in the palace, yes?""Pretty much yeah.">"Well, let me just pull up the forms... Bit of a new position, hm... Ah, here we are.">She presents you with a contract, which you take your time to read and scrutinize.>Don't want to find out that this all has been a ruse and you're selling your soul to some demon that's pretending to be a cute pony, or something like that.>Seems fairly normal, though. You have no idea if the pay is fair or not, but Celestia doesn't seem like the kind of mare that would scam you.>You certainly hope she isn't, anyway. And you're able to quit with a month's notice instead of being locked in for years or somesuch, so it looks quite fair."Well. Here goes...">Putting your signature on it, you take a moment to ponder the deeper meaning behind the moment.>You just landed a job. The ponies probably wouldn't have let you starve to death anyway, but it's still a pretty big step towards having some sort of stability in all the insanity you found yourself in.>The secretary glances at your signature for a moment before nodding, filing the contract away.>"That would be all, then. You will be provided quarters, in... One moment...">Another bit of shuffling later, she pulls out a small map of a section of the palace, showing a specific room to the guards, who nod.>Some more walking, and you're in your new lodgings.>They're not the swanky-as-all-hell luxury suite you've been in before, but it's still the palace. All marble and stuff, with a bed that's been seemingly made bigger for you.>You guess Celestia foresaw that you were going to accept. Not like you had much choice.>Philomena flies around a bit, chirping with some disappointment.>"<The previous nest was better. A bit big, sure, but you're pretty big yourself.>""If you're complaining about the room size, then shush, you. And don't think I forgot about your weird kinks. I didn't even think birds could have fetishes.">She blushes, her face lighting up with magic as she hides her head under a wing."Heh. Goddamn you're adorable, though.">She coos something, barely audibly."Anyway, if I'm going to be living in this maze, I should probably start learning the layout... Sometime. Polite as Celestia was, though, that conversation drained me.">You sigh as you drag a palm across your face, sitting down on the bed.>Seeing this, Philomena chirps again, flying over and landing on your shoulder, rubbing your face with her beak.>"<Stressed, are you? I know a way to relax...>"
>>41009851>By this time, you're fairly good at recognizing when the bird is giving you "fuck me" eyes, given how damn often she does it.>You burst out laughing, shaking your head."You damn horndog.">She doesn't exactly deny it, rubbing herself all over you and chirping some more.>"<Don't pretend you don't want these feathers.>""Yeah, okay. You want to get stuffed? You like it rough? Let's stuff the bird, then.">Casually grabbing Philomena with one hand, you effortlessly swing her around as she squawks in surprise and excitement.>Laying her on her back on the bed, you take your clothes off, your shaft already growing.>Before long, you're ramming your dick inside her, her magical regenerative powers making it so she's still almost as maddeningly tight as the first time you did it.>It still takes no small amount of effort, holding her lithe body down with both hands and pressing her against the bed so she doesn't slide away from the force.>It's totally worth it, though, as you feel the ticklish sensation of her feathers on your balls and the furnace of her insides on your shaft, Philomena's face going blank as you hilt inside her."Let's see just how senseless I can fuck you this time..." --------- >Once you're done fucking the Phoenix into unconsciousness, you examine the bathroom and clean both of you up, gently depositing the snoozing and badly ruffled phoenix on a pillow.>Again, not as fancy as before, but plenty nice.>You heard how some nobles would have lavish mansions and stick their servants into absolute matchbox-sized shitholes, but Celestia seems to be better than that.>It's only after your escapades are done for the moment that the thought of discretion catches up to you.>The servant's quarters are closer together, and if there's other ponies around, they more than likely heard you fucking Philomena's brains out.>You don't really make much noise, but Philomena doesn't exactly try to keep silent.>Oops.>Even though the secret is out now, there's still the manner of basic politeness. You should probably try to keep things a bit more quiet next time.>Your suspicions are confirmed when you go outside your room and see several mares trotting by in both directions, their muzzles scrunched up and their ears folded, doggedly pretending that they didn't hear you do what you did just then.>"H-hello, sir," One of them mutters as she passes by."Hey there. Could I get some directions?">"Oh, uh, directions to where, sir?""Well, where do I eat, for one? I'm no longer a guest, but an employee here, so I imagine I don't exactly get fancy room service any more. Also, where should I not go? I don't want to bumble around some secret restricted areas or somesuch.">"Oh, that's easy. The servant's mess hall is that way. Come on.">She keeps glancing at you as you walk, eventually clearing her throat.>"So, where's your... Companion, sir? She's usually glued to your shoulder."
>>41009854"Oh, I left her back in my quarters. She felt like taking a nap.">The reasons as to why are all too clear for the mare.>"...I see.">As usual, there's a touch of jealousy in her voice, as well as an appreciative glance towards your crotch.>"And how... Pony-like is your relationship, sir?">You mull on it for a moment before shrugging."I have no idea what you mean by that question.">Ah, well, is Philomena open to... Herding?">Aha. There we go."Honestly, I have no idea. But she's been pretty aggressive in chasing off all the mares that tried to hit on me, so I'd say the odds are low.">"I see. Oh well. Would be damn weird to have a bird as the lead mare anyway," She mutters.>Soon enough, you arrive at the large mess hall, a small number of ponies already there.>"Now, sir, while our gracious Princess provides as much food as we can eat, we don't exactly get custom-order dishes whenever we want, so you'll need to arrive on time if you want hot food, or sate yourself with the array of vegetables, bread, and other cold dishes. You are also free to cook your own food when the cooks aren't busy, if you prefer.">You nod gratefully, absent-mindedly scratching the mare behind the ears as she freezes."That sounds great. Thank you. Uh, sorry.">You remove your hand, though the mare doesn't seem to mind what just happened all that much.>"Oh no, no apologies are needed. In fact, if you want to continue...">You chuckle."Maybe later. I had a nice tea break with Celestia, but I do feel like some real food now.">Fortunately, you arrived right before the cooks were about to make lunch, so it doesn't take long for the food to be ready.>Grabbing some food and sitting down, you eat up while the mares shoot you lusty looks and whisper among themselves.>Should you herd? Would that make you appear more normal and acceptable in their society?>Is it even worth bothering with that, given how abnormal you already are?>Eh. You'll figure it out later.>Once you're done, you thank the mare that led you there before going back to your room.Not a big update. Not much inspiration/time. We'll see how much more I can crank out later.Should I continue stuff, or write new things? I had this story about bats and Anon becoming a comfort stallion, in exquisite details... hmm...
>>41009861This one is fun, but if inspiration hits you elsewhere then I'd like to read that as well.
>>41009861I keep fucking up, damn it. Missed a few lines again when copy/pasting. Probably the mild drunkedness. Go read it in ponepaste.https://ponepaste.org/8732>>41009943Inspiration hit me some time ago, that's the thing. It hit me many times now, years ago, even, but I don't have the time to actually write every single thing that I get inspired to.The positive side of that is the thing that happens the last time I wrote Alien Encounters, though: Once you have some time to really consider and more or less fully form the story in your head, writer's blocks more or less get obliterated, and you can just write out crazy amounts of text in a small amount of time, like I did last time.
>>41007009>"Anon, who gave you that saw?""Hmm?">"The saw. In your hand, Anonymous.""Oh this? It's not a saw. It's...um... a, uh broom. An important one. The kirin make it to look just like a saw.">"Really?""Uh-huh.">"Were you in Dandy's store again?""...">"Did you put her on a shelf then steal that saw?""...">"Anonymous...""I didn't do shit, and even if I DID, I need a saw, Sporkle.">"Anon, give me the saw.""Need it.">"You are going to hurt yourself with it. Now hoof me over the saw and we can go back to Dandy's store and you can apologize--""Nope.">"Anonymous, please stop being s foal. You can't just put ponies up high when they won't sell you things.""But I can, Spackle. I do it literally all the time.">"I know, and ponies around town really aren't happy about it. Now, before they get SO unhappy that you get tarred and feathered, why don't we--""I just need the saw for like two hours!">"...For what?""None of your business.">"Anon...""I have to-do's at the house. Some of then require a saw! I don't see why you're so interested.">"Well, first off you're a convicted felon that annoys more ponies than Discord. Second, you stole that saw in your hand less than ten minutes ago.""I didn't steal it. I put money on the counter.">"...""...">"...""...">"You know, when colts complain about wanting to vote I'll just point to you.""That's a few mean thing to say to your friend, Twilight. Also, there's a big dragon over there trying to eat Fluttershy.">"WHAT?! WHERE'STHE-- ANONYMOUS! YOU GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE!">Yet another day in sexist horseland
So much greens. I don't have time to read, why is it that these threads always swing from green drought, to a deluge of green updates. :(
>>41008718>Then Anon immediately fumbles and give himself tiny scratch on the hand that barely turns red.>Mares lose their shit over letting a clumsy colt anywhere near a dangerous tool.
>>41010053I love a sexist day in horselandhonest, I do
>>41010124That's just how deserts work.
>>41010053This is funny I would love to also be sent to this equestria and just flirt with and cuddle twilight. Also help ponies when I canShe thinks I am the normal human and I tell her that Anon is far more normal than me. Than tell her about David Sinclair's work to make people immortal. Or Sam Altmans’s/ open Ais work on artifical intelligence. Or Elon musks and Jeff bezos’s work on space travel.Tell her that colts of our world are a lot more crazy than this one, and that she should just let him have the saw.You know act how they except most of the time, but occasionally say something that is completely incomprehensible to them.>Like oh yeah did I tell one colt set up a company to go to space.>Sparkle panics what why, is it for a super prison thing. >Na some people just like getting in cramped ships and paying insane amounts money to enter space and see the planet stars and moon.>than see how she rationalize it.Like stallions know other stallions spend money on stupid shit, like vacations and clothes, so this one knew it would be profitable. Well slowly getting her to change her mind
>Anon goes camping in the woods.>He sets up a little tent and firepit in a comfy clearing, ready for a weekend of quiet fishing and relaxation.>Ponies want to know what Anon is hiding from.
>>41010394How is that RGRE?
>>41010053>"Oh this? It's not a saw. It's...um... a, uh broom. An important one. The kirin make it to look just like a saw.">t
>>41010434>"Yes, and you say this is a broom, despite the fact that it's clearly bladed."
>All this motherfucking greenmy pee-pee the big pee-pee
>>41010444Extra-stiff bristles for serious sweeping.
>>41010444>>41010480>"...may I see it?""No."
>>41009961>Inspiration hit me some time ago, that's the thing. It hit me many times now, years ago, even, but I don't have the time to actually write every single thing that I get inspired to.It's a nightmare, isn't it?
>>41010493>Anon! I cut my hoof on the sawteeth! "no honey it's just the broom bristles"
any lewd greens where anon gets raped or atleast heavily dommed?
>>41003917Is it only a week? I thought it was a little under a month.
>>41007854Same>>41008567Your right we need more cute fics.
>>41010053Other Anon shows up picks up Twilight and starts cuddling her. Tries to talk to her about books and singing.I really want a green in sexist horse land where twilight is fed up with one Anon another Anon shows up and she thinks it will be more of the same but he is basically the opposite and twilight starts dating this Anon.
>>41011484>sharing Equestria with others
>>41009861>The next week is spent learning about Philomena.>Celestia sends a few books over your way, most of the information there coming from herself and the phoenix in question.>Not many ponies really keep them as pets, apparently.>She also sends you a couple boxes of stuff like coal nuggets and the like, once you're done reading.>You spend most of your time reading or taking care of Philomena (most of which still consists of fucking her senseless), though you also tentatively try to become at least somewhat familiar with your neighbors - as in, the mares living in the neighboring rooms.>There's a few stallions among the servants, but it's mostly mares.>Which, obviously, makes you a target for single mares, though Philomena and your Outsider status makes most of them too uncertain to really try anything.>Which is fine, though you don't really mind them.>Compared to the noblemares, they're great. As in, they're interested in actually getting to know you first instead of using you for prestige.>Either way, though, spending so much time inside becomes a little stifling, and you feel like going out once you're done with the books.>You track down some guardsmares and ask some questions, eventually getting directed to some military higher up.>You don't really want to waste the guard's time, though it turns out that it's actually the opposite of what you thought things would be like.>Once you ask the mare about escorts for going out into the city, she waves it off.>"It's not a problem. In fact, it's good. Going out and getting some work in your muscles is way better than standing still and staring at a wall all day long, I'll tell you that. If you want, I could easily assign a whole dozen guardsmares to you. Good for practicing being aware in actual, real situations instead of just the empty palace hallways, too.""Well, a dozen is a bit much, I guess, but I suppose I could take four or six if it's that good for you?">"Sure is. Let me find some rookies that could use some practice...">A bit of shuffling of documents later, you have a bunch of mares assigned to watch your ass. Figuratively.>The next day, you stand in front of the gate, taking a deep breath.>The first time you're going to leave the palace in weeks.>One of the mares gets confused by your behavior.>"Are you really that scared, sir? Were you attacked the last time you were out?""Heh. Not really, though no small amount of mares tried to molest me. You'll protect me from that, won't you?">She stiffens up.>"Of course, sir.">Philomena chirps, likely saying something like "I'll protect you too, you know.">You stroke her back, not really saying anything as you step through the gate.>Here goes.>This time, there's no mares jumping you outright, which is nice.>You actually have a pleasant time, walking wherever your fancy takes, you, making random turns and following whatever curious signs and sights entice you.
>>41012447>Seeing a cafe, you slow down, tapping your chin thoughtfully.>You can get all the food you want in the palace, but it's not just the sustenance aspect.>Sometimes, it's just nice to sit down and slowly sip on something while watching the world go by.>Your escort of a bunch of guardsmares is a bit of an issue, but there's enough empty seats for everyone.>You don't want to be an ass and take up seven seats, after all.>You nod to the guards as you go inside."I'd offer to buy you girls something, but I don't have all that many bits yet.">They chuckle, smiling faintly.>"I assure you, sir, we can afford to buy coffee and donuts without having to rely on charity from a stallion.""Fair enough. I feel like sitting down for a while, so feel free to get something bigger if you feel like it.">Most of them end up getting things like brownies or donuts or muffins and the like, while you get a hot cocoa and a brownie, sitting down on the edge and pony-watching for a while as you sip your drink.>It goes peacefully for a while, the guards forming a perimeter around you, though it doesn't stop ponies from approaching you from outside the fenced area of the cafe.>Which is exactly what some some fancy-looking mare eventually does, when you're close to finishing your drink.>"Well hello there, stud. Such a huge honor guard you're trotting around with. Clearly that must mean that you must have some pretty big... *assets* worth protecting, hm?">She purrs as she winks at you.>You snort as Philomena narrows her eyes. That one was somewhat funny, at least.>"<He does, and guess where he stuffs those assets every single evening?>">The mare looks a bit taken aback when Philomena starts chirping at her.>"Huh?">"<Inside me, that's where. All of it. The entire length. And mare, does he have some length...>">You roll your eyes with a grin as Philomena does her thing, slowly flapping her wings and doing some gestures with a leg as the mare stares at her, slackjawed.>You still wonder what kind of threats Philomena says to the mares to get them to go away, but don't care enough to ask for someone to translate.>Turning towards one of the observing guards, you clear your throat."So could any one of you explain to me how that works, exactly?">"<...he's longer than my leg, and when he shoves it in, he makes a huge bulge in my belly and forces my entire body to accomodate his girth...>">The lead guard raises an eyebrow.>"How what works, sir?""The whole... Animal speech thing. There was a pony that I met recently after I arrived in this dimension. Her thing was apparently dealing with animals, and speech was part of the package. Special talent, and all that. Regular ponies didn't have that, though. How come most of them seem to understand Philomena?"
>>41012450>"Ah, I see. Well, sir, the nobility tend to have more money and time than they know what to do with, and they come up with more and more obscure ways to show off against one another. It is a magical talent, but ponies can learn all kinds of strange things, if they really put their minds to it, and I believe talking to animals became the "thing" to be able to do... A decade or so ago? As such, many of the nobles are actually able to understand her.">You nod."I see. That does make sense. Nobles in my world back in the day used to do things like that too .">"<...think you could take him? Lure him away from me? Please, just look at him. He's not even paying attention to you. His dick is just for me, and me alone, and he stuffs me silly with his fat dick more often than I can count...>">Philomena keeps chirping at the mare, the whole thing sounding just like some complex birdsong to you, though the mare is clearly one of those that learned the whole animal speech thing.>She keeps stammering, trying to make some kind of rebuttal, but it's pretty clear that Philomena's destroying her."So can you understand her?">The guardsmare shrugs.>"Sort of. There's an advantage there. I have the barest beginnings of the skill, so I can kind of just.... Turn it off when I don't want to, and just hear the bird noises.""Convenient. Can you tell me what she's saying right now?">"<...and when he's finally finished throbbing, he just keeps me absolutely impaled on that thing, stroking and cuddling me, but keeping me helplessly immobilized...>">The mare cocks her ears for a few moments before folding them, digging into one with a hoof.>"I... Wouldn't want to offend your sensibilities, sir.""...Right then.">You guess Philomena wasn't really saying threats after all.>The mare is blushing furiously by now, her ears folded in embarrassment.>Shooting you a final lustful look (and an angry one towards Philomena), she turns tail and runs.>So much for that, then.>You finish your drink, nod to the guards, and get up.>Time to go. ------------- >The next couple of weeks go by in a similar way, though without the reading.>You slowly make some acquaintances with the other staff members.>Perhaps even friends, though it's still hard to tell with those ponies sometimes.>Most are mares, so there's still almost always lust towards you involved.>They're professional enough not to be too forward about it, though.>Unfortunately, though, you start noticing something weird happening to you.>Though Philomena's insides are unspeakably hot, somehow, they don't actually burn your dick when you're stuffing her.>However, you can still *feel* the heat.>And after a while, a strange issue presents itself.>Even after you pull out, the heat persists, longer and longer after each session.>It's not just in your mind, as you notice your urine steaming when you pee afterwards.>Did you catch some crazy STD from the bird?
>>41012456>Embarrassing as all hell, but it'd be even more embarrassing if your dick rotted off or burst into flames or something like that if you left it untreated, so you go to seek the palace doctor.>It doesn't actually hurt, but you'd still rather get this checked out before it progresses into something more serious.>Fortunately, there's a decently sized infirmary in the palace, both for any injured guards and visiting exotic dignitaries.>Not that they have prior experience with humans, but it's still better than going to a doctor that only saw ponies their entire life.>Explaining the situation isn't exactly easy, though.>You're alone, having asked Philomena to stay behind for this one.>The mare nods to you.>"So, what seems to be the problem, sir?""Well, ah... Are you aware of my... Relationship status?">A ghost of a smirk appears on her professional expression.>"Royal pet caretaker, yes?""Yup. Well, it seems that... I have acquired some kind of... Condition from my encounters with the phoenix.">She raises her eyebrows.>"From what you're implying, I'm assuming the condition is related to your genitals?">You sigh."Yeah. There's an inexplicable... Heat in my... Nethers.">"Well, burning is the most common symptom in sexually transmitted-""No, not burning. Heat. There's no pain whatsoever. It's just that... My, ah, penis, seems to somehow become far hotter than it should be possible. One hundred percent literally.">You grimace awkwardly as the mare stares at you.>"Fascinating... I never heard of... Well, sir, may I examine you?""Right... Sure.">Getting naked in front of a mare makes you oddly nervous, though you suppose it really shouldn't.>The palace staff have been very professional and polite, and the mare doesn't show any signs of jumping you, though she does examine your dick with great, great interest when you take off your pants and underwear.>"Interesting anatomy... No sheath?""No.">"Hmm. Well, I... One moment.">She reaches with a hoof for it, before stopping herself and levitating a thermometer towards your dick, pressing it against it and watching the numbers rise, her eyebrows rising higher and higher as well.>"Thirty... Forty... Fifty... Sixty...">She eventually stops counting, staring at it with disbelief.>"Sir, your blood should be literally boiling at this temperature!">You shrug helplessly."Yeah... I got nothing.">"I... Hold on, I need to make sure that this is correct...">She digs around for another thermometer, levitating it over.>It shows the same thing, the temperature dropping ever so slowly as she stares at it with disbelief.>"And you say that you're not in pain?!""Yes.">"That could be very dangerous, sir. Some people don't feel pain simply because they've been injured too grievously for their pain response to work, or when their bodies are already shutting down.""I... Well, I this has been going on for a little while now, and everything is still working fine, I assure you."
>>41012461>"Just as well, sir, I'm afraid that I can't just take your word for it. Hold still, please...">She begins running a bunch of diagnostic spells through your dick, the sparkly sensation of the magic making you feel tingly and weird.>She mutters, distracted, as she levitates a notebook and scribbles something in it, casting spell after spell.>Eventually, she even nuzzles, it, breathing with fascination, your dick obviously twitching from getting rubbed with her soft nose."Um, doctor, what are you...?">Physical response seems completely normal, blood vessels expanding- Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!">She catches herself, jumping back and blushing.>You chuckle."It's okay... I think.">"It's not! I could be fired for this!">She's nervous now, biting her hoof.>These ponies sure are panicky.>Before it can escalate further, you step off the examination table and reach out with a hand, clamping down on her muzzle.>"Mmmph?!""Shush. Shhh... It's okay.">With the other hand, you begin scratching her behind the ears, making her eyes go even wider."Now, I'm going to let go of your muzzle, and you're going to be calm and professional, okay?">"...Mk.">You let go, the mare taking in a big breath of air, her eyes inadvertently drawn towards your junk, given that you're now standing and it's in front of her face, the mare looking away in embarrassment."There we go. No need for panic. Just stay calm.">"Thank you... Sir.""Don't mention it. You can look at me now. I'm going to sit down again.">You let go off her ears, taking your seat again.>It still takes her a minute to raise her eyes, biting her lip as the gears turn in her head."So, do you have any clue about any of this?">She purses her lips and sighs, shaking her head."I'm not dying, though?">"No, sir. Your, ah, lovely and exotic stallionhood seems to be working just fine, without any sort of injuries or infections whatsoever. It's just... Very, very hot. And, I'm not sure if you noticed, but the effect extends towards your testicles and your general crotch area as well.""Right. It's been getting more and more intense after each time, though I actually think I reached a peak recently.">She bites her lips as she thinks for a while.>"I think... A doctor is not what you need. We're going to need an arcanist for this.""Okay? Whatever works." ------------ >It takes a little time to find the right pony, the doctor sending out messengers and stuff, eventually getting a meeting with some mage in the evening of the next day.>Both you and Philomena are present this time, meeting in the doctor's examination room again.>The mare is wearing actual wizard robes, giving you a and Philomena a curious, but slightly bored look.>"Alright, what's the "magical malady" that you asked me to examine? Went shopping in some shops that sell dubious enchantments and got some amateur curse put on you?">The doctor shakes her head.>"Actually, it's something different..."
>>41012465>Once she's done explaining, the wizard mare doesn't look bored any more, grinning in amusement.>"This sounds like the intro to some weird porn.">The doctor frowns.>"I can assure you that it's not.">"Well, if it is, I'm totally down for it. Just saying.">"It's. Not.">She chuckles.>"Fine, fine. So, uh... Can I see it? I can scan through cloth, but it's best if there's as little interference as possible.">You sigh."Yeah... Sure.">She's a lot less professional than the doctor, immediately ooh'ing at your dick and caressing your balls with her magic.>"Hmmm... Ooooh... Ahhhh...">You're honestly not sure if she's doing anything but groping you, trying to think unsexy things as your member slowly gets harder, Philomena squawking angrily.>"<Keep going and I'll set your robes on fire.>">The wizard mare doesn't seem to care, though. Or maybe she simply doesn't understand Philomena.>"Hmmm... Okay. that has to be... Let's get a comparison just to be sure...">She unceremoniously grabs Philomena with her magic aura next, scanning her for a moment before putting her down again.>"<Hey!>">"Well, sir, no doubt about it. Your penis is infused with phoenix magic.""...How? Actually, no, wait, stupid question. Or maybe it's not. How? Or why? And, what does it do? Am I in danger?">She hums thoughtfully for a while as she appreciatively stares at your balls.>"Well... Clearly, stuffing it inside the phoenix is the "how and why" parts, but still... That just shouldn't happen. Any internal magic that you have should simply repel her magic naturally.">You shake your head."Interdimensional alien from a magicless world. There's no magic where I'm from.">"Wait, really? Hold still a second...">She begins scanning the rest of your body, her expression fascinated.>"Almost nothing... Though there's a faint field... But so undirected. Less magical than a rock or a blade of grass... You do have some magic, though.">You scratch your chin."Odd. Back when Twilight Sparkle - you might have heard of her, she's apparently famous? - scanned me, she said I didn't have a drop of magic in me.">The doctor clears her throat.>"The cells in your body break down and get replaced, sir. As you eat Equestrian food, I'm assuming your body is slowly becoming at least somewhat magical... Though if you don't have any magical storage organs, it's still going to be incredibly faint.""Ah. So if magic is a bit like a gas, and expands from areas of high pressure into lower ones...">The wizard raises her eyebrows.
>>41012469>"Clever comparison. Yes, your body is absorbing magic from your surroundings, and phoenixes are... QUITE magical, from what I know. Also, rutting is an intense activity, and no system is one hundred percent effective. Some magic leaks out when ponies do things like spells or physical activity, and... Well, I can't even begin to imagine how in the world do you manage to shove that entire thing inside her, but I imagine the experience forces her body's regenerative abilities to kick in.">Philomena looks smugly at the mare while you nod."Which are highly magical in nature.">"Precisely.">The doctor shakes her head.>"Well, as fascinating the discussion is, my question is, is the condition dangerous for my patient?">The wizard mare considers it for a minute.>"It... Doesn't seem to be? It's like his dick is a phoenix. It's hot, but the fire doesn't burn it. And it seems stable, too. There haven't been any transformations, have there?">You shake your head"Nope. Looks the same as always. It's much hotter than Philomena is, though.">The wizard mare shrugs.>"It's probably because her body is actually built for handling the fire, and losing too much heat would be detrimental for her. Yours is just... Absorbing it, then radiating it right back out. I can offer some heat-proofing enchantments on your underwear, or something like that, but it doesn't seem like it's something that you should be concerned about. I mean... Unless your member suddenly bursts into flames...But it'd just reform from the ashes like a phoenix, right?""...">"...">"<...>">Neither you, Philomena, nor the doctor mare know what to say to that.>You think of something a moment later, though."Transformations? Am I going to turn into a phoenix?">The wizard mare shrugs.>"I'd say no, but you're an Outsider, and I never saw a case like this before. Still, pretty unlikely, unless your entire body gets infused with phoenix magic. Even then... Pretty dang unlikely. More likely, you'd just get an impressive degree of fire resistance until the magic dissipates.""Well... Alright then... Can you do that enchantment thing, please?">"Sure. Take off the clothes you want me to enchant, please." ----------------- >And that was that.>Philomena was concerned for you, even refusing sex for several days afterwards.>You both observed your dick, occasionally measuring the temperature.>It really seemed that there were no other side effects, the magic dissipating from your junk over time when you stopped shoving it inside the magical flying furnace.>Once you more or less confirmed that it was safe, though, you resumed the rutting with a vengeance.>And the temperature rose once again, though nothing burst into flames, so it was just a mild, weird annoyance.>Though having a fireproof dick was a source of amusement for you.>You even tentatively held up a lit candle to it, and you didn't even feel it.>Then you blew the candle out, and lit it by touching your dick.
>>41012472>If you ever go camping, you're going to have one fucking weird way to start fires.>A month or so later, though. you learned that there was one more effect that bathing your genitals in lots and lots of phoenix magic had.>Philomena had began acting a bit ornery and huffy, which you guessed meant that her cycle was coming to an end.>Celestia and the books explained it, showing pictures of Philomena shedding her feathers one by one until she lost the final one, bursting into flames and dying.>You assured her that you were going to love her even when she was old and featherless, which made her blush, but she still kept acting oddly.>You requested an audience with Celestia, but, to your surprise, even the alicorn was confused, never having seen such behavior from her pet before, Philomena herself shrugging and telling her that she didn't know what was happening.>The mystery was finally explained a few days later, when you woke up one morning. ----------------- >You stretch your limbs out one by one as you wake up.>Reaching out a hand, you stroke Philomena."Hey, hot stuff.">Getting up early had never been a problem for her before, so you're surprised when she just coos quietly, laying her head back down, curled up tightly on the pillow."...Philomena? You okay?">Celestia assured you many times that dying really wasn't a problem for her, so you're not overly worried, but her lethargic behavior still doesn't make sense.>She still has all of her feathers, and she shouldn't be this weak yet.>But she is."Come on, babe, what's wrong? Should I bring you to Celestia?">She vehemently shakes her head."Then why...?">Glancing at the pillow and then at you, she ever so slowly raises her body up, revealing what was hidden underneath."...Is that an egg?"https://ponepaste.org/8732Fittingly, the latest update starts at line 666. It's actually 668, but close enough.What have I done?Kek, I think I'm done with this for now.
>>41012477>picAnon starts sleeping with some strange bird, and gets an outbreak of harpies
>>41012456>"Doc, it burns where I pee.">"No, not like that, I mean..."
>>41010053>Be Anon>Be in the horsepital>You were in a little horse medical room, sitting on one of those benches with the wax paper on it>Twilight was there with you>You weren't looking at the little mare>You hadn't for the past fifteen minutes>In fact, you'd say that you were going out of your way not to look at her>She, on the other hand, was trying her hardest to burn a hole through your lovely green body with her peepers>You had your arm wrapped up>Beside you was a little cooler>There was a click, and Nurse Redheart opened the door>Seeing you, she frowned>"Anonymous.""Ma'am," you said with a little nod>Redheart looked at your hand, then at the cooler, then at Twilight"And what seems to be the problem today?" she asked>"Yeah, why don't you TELL her what the problem is, Anonymous," Twilight said>You looked at the ground"I cut my ding dang thumb off, doc," you said>Redheart let out a sigh>"...Well... at least it's just a thumb this time," she said, walking over to grab some horse medical tools. "Is the thumb in the cooler?""Yes ma'am.">"Fantastic.">"This is why you're not allowed to go to the hardware store," Twilight said. "Every time you so much as LOOK at a tool you horribly injure yourself.""This isn't horrible.">"You're missing a PIECE of yourself, Anon!""I've done worse.">"I know! And I shouldn't be the only one concerned about this fact! I mean, Anon, how did you even manage to cut your thumb off with a handsaw?!""I mean, I did my best?">"WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!">Redheart gave you a shot, then began unwrapping the bandage around your hand>"A thumb, a drill through the hand, broken leg. If you keep it up Anonymous we might need to put a plague up at the front entrance for you," she joked>You could hear Twilight grinding her teeth as some other nurses came into the room>They all knew the song and dance>Your thumb would be as good as new in ten minutes probably>And you know what?>You weren't learning a FUCKING THING after all of this>Because a man needed to work with tools, even in this sexist horseland>Even if he injured himself while doing it>Twilight, as if sensing your thoughts, narrowed her eyes>"I'm making a law. I don't know what sort, but I'm making one to stop... THIS!" she said>You looked over at her"Good luck, Sporkle.">"You've put colts back a thousand years in my eyes, Anon. I hope you know that.""Ain't no laws when you're drinking claws, dork.">"...""...">"...""I'm sorry. The pain killer is starting to fuck me up. It's really fantastic.">Another day in sexist horseland
>>41012716fuck
>>41012716>Anon buys a hammer.>Millions die.
>>41012716>Anon, how did you even manage to cut your thumb off with a handsaw?!Papanon always said, "Measure twice, cut once." and I'd be damned if I was gonna start another cut.
>>41012845>"I thought that it was just supposed to happen when you use a saw."
>>41007245>Looking down at the next, it was a history book, and the one below that was life science.Confused, Anon called out, "These look like school textbooks.">"That's because they are!" she called back, sounding like she's in another different room before he heard a faucet turn on. "I decided to dig out all my old textbooks from school and go through them. You know, refresh my memory in case I do end up being Jane's teacher.">Anon can't help but smirk at that.>Not even a sure thing, and she's already done this much for his little girl.>He was starting to think Moondancer was more sure than he assumed about going through with this."I'm surprised you have so many textbooks still. I mean, when I went to school, we just used the ones the school lent to us. We didn't get to take them home.">"Well, I went to private school, then Celestia's School, which is pretty prestigious- not that I'm bragging! It's just that, those places, unlike public schools, kind of expect the students to buy their own books, or more accurately their parents. Makes sure we always have the most up-to-date curriculum, and lets us take notes right in the pages.">The faucet turned off and her hoofsteps started to get louder."Makes sense. Still, I'm surprised you kept them. Most kids would probably want to chuck the things as soon as they were out of school.">"Throw away books? That's horrible! Do other foals really do that?" Moondancer asked as she finally entered the room, her mane slightly wet, but combed and put up into its usual style. "These books contain valuable information in an easily accessible form.">She came closer to pick up one of her old textbooks and looked at it with a warm smile.>"I mean, sure, you won't be able to become an expert with these alone, but they serve as an excellent starting point. I remember when I was younger, I'd read these during the summer, then go to the library to find more detailed information on the topics that caught my interest.""Huh, so I guess you were a researcher from an early age then.">"Oh yes, it's actually how I got my cutie mark! See, one year, while studying astronomy, the textbook talked about the moon, but it never went into detail about why the moon had craters in the pattern of a pony on it.""Wait, it does?">"Well, not anymore. You see, it bugged me so much that the book didn't have the answer that I went to the library to try and figure it out myself. That's when I noticed that in some astronomy material, specifically dated over a thousand years prior, that image wasn't present on the moon. That obviously got me more curious so spent weeks trying to find out until I finally found an old record explaining how a alicorn princess had been sealed in the moon, and that's what made the mark appear!""Oh yeah, I heard about that. It was Princess Luna, right?">"Well, Nightmare Moon at the time. See, it turned out Celestia had a lot of that information sealed, but I managed to find something she missed."
>>41012716Shining Armor will be disappointed in his sister's behavior.>>41012477She wants Anon to make an omelet right?
Playing around with the "stallions aren't trusted with tools" idea.>"Do you see this, Rarity?! I could have had this!">Be Rarity.>Currently in a body cast's worth of bandages and balder than Fleur de Lis's hypoallergenic pussycat.>You're generously restraining the urge to scream about your ruined coiffure in the face of Fluttershy's grief as she waves the page from her sketchbook at you."Darling, Anon is a stallion. He shouldn't have had access to any kind of power tool, let alone that... infernal device!">"Everything was going just fine until you came along! I got all the little critters to leave Anon's blackberry thicket. Anon had already dealt with half of it before you stuck your muzzle into things! He was going to sweep the second half and then he was going to pump me full of babies! Then you trotted past and decided that stallions couldn't be trusted with propane torches!""In retrospect, trying to disassemble it while Anon was still carrying it was a mistake..."
>>41013315I don't think my little five-minute half-assed attempt here is good writing, but I don't think we've done anything with "mare being sexist causes actual harm to Anon" in a while.
>>41013315Funny, you mentioning propane gives me an idea of a Texas Anon being barred from hosting a cookout -- requiring him to heist everything from food to cooking equipment. For addional comedy, he'd enlist other housecolts for 'one last score'.
>>41013394I thought it was pretty good; despite being only a paragraph or two long, it sets up the premise just fine and has a good punchline.
>>41012157I would murder any other anon who appeared in Equestria and I both expect and encourage you all to do the same. There can be only one.
>>41013808>>41012157Than you would go to jail silly and that means you don’t get to see any ponies and by jail I mean you would get stoned.Also why does it matter I just want to cuddle cute mares talk about politics technology and philosophy.You can be crazy and keep getting your self hurt well I fuck the princess
>>41013811I don't want to share, especially with a user from this fucking board. Humans are horrible and I can only truly trust myself to be good. The average socially depraved and touch starved Anon from here is a security risk I can't take.Maybe your right, maybe you are a decent person as well who isn't going to do horrible things to ponies or be an edgelord.But I say, "Why take the risk?" I'm killing any other anon before they have a chance to even introduce ideas like guns or the holocaust to the pones. plus we may have the same waifu and I don't feel like competing fairly for her affections with anyone, let alone another Anon
>>41013823It's ironic... you become the very thing you fear. Know this, anon, and know this well -- the glee I'll savor for when you are caught trying to murder me, revealing you to be the monster will be a delight like no other.
>>41013823Don't worry anon, only jewish people can come up with the holocaust.
>>41012477I for one would be getting more than a hot dick. My skinhunger knows no bound.What contact magic would you get from ponies or dragons? Becoming a marshmallow and rock candy respectively?
>>41013823Who is your waifu.Also you have become the thing you fear. Like you are worried about me corrupting ponies yet you are willing to commit murder. I am not the best person but I use that to constantly monitor my own actions.Also Princess Twilight is best pony and should be cuddled
>>41014074Frankly, I'd kill you simply so your level of autism doesn't get passed down.
>>41014078Uhh what is my level of austism, like I know I have Austism according to a doctor. But if you think that means I deserve death than I don’t think equestria would welcome you as you are far more corrupting them I am.
I kinda want a green were I am seen as evil from another Anon after I start dating Twilight, who just became a princess. Telling her about the glory of international trade the free flowing ideas of other culture and how to spread friendship and harmony.Also I need a nerd herd with twilight. Let twilight show me off to her freinds, as we play board games together. Let them think I am a mare until I fuck her after the session well they are still in the house.
>>41013823I mean I wouldn't want to share Equestria with another human either, but since Equestria isn't real and I'm never going there, it's a lot easier for me to just imagine that it's one Equestria per 'non instead of getting upset about a fictional situation.
>>41013089Moondancer a cute
>>41012469Isn't "Witch" the feminine for "Wizard". Saying wizard mare is like saying "female man" instead of "woman".
>>41014210I always thought it was more a difference of morality. Black hat vs white hat type stuff.
>>41014254That's the modern interpretation, the lexical origin was pretty neutral.While there were (lexically speaking) male witches and female wizards, the terms themselves have come to mean female magical person and male magical person for witch and wizard respectively.See:https://www.britannica.com/topic/witchcrafthttps://www.encyclopedia.com/history/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/witches-and-wizards
>>41013823>I can only truly trust myself to be good.>proceeds to do wrongbased retard
>>41014210Blame RGRE.Male spellcasters are called "Witchers".
>>41014725And wizards are mares who never managed to bed a stallion.
>>41014799Moondancer is a grand wizard.
>>41014725>Witchers
>>41013835>ironic>>41014074>you have become the thing you fearhttps://youtu.be/INCSBwpJBQk?si=QP4ZPnn8HIzY7EMY
>>41013808aint no fuckin way im giving any other human the benefit of the doubt and trusting themi dont feel like getting merced by some autistic fuck who thinks hes the main characterThat being said, if any of you niggers takes a swing at me I'll make sure balefire bombs start flying so I can go find mt qt waifu marelet short queen.
>>41014949Isn't she gay?
>>41012477Yep, it's getting even weirder.
>>41013835You're putting to much faith in yourself. It isn't hard to put up a story that you're some great criminal from earth or an evil doppelganger that went after me to bring decay and destruction in Equestria.You're dead on a spot the second I see you. I won't share Celestia with no one.
>>41014210I thought a "wizard" gets his power from ancient secrets, while a "witch" gets his power from pacts with otherworldly entities.
>>41014725>>41014915
>>41013988I figure humans have a Monkey-See-Monkey-Do power. You develop weaker versions of the powers of those around you.If your waifu was an earth pony, you'd get stronger and your garden would become disturbingly overgrown.If your waifu was a pegasus, you'd feel lighter and you'd be able to clamber up on fog.If your waifu was a unicorn, you may experience bouts of a glowing aura and intermittent telekinesis.
>>41015079I kneel for Geraldo
>>41014967She got bullied by others for being small and then manipulated by some middle-aged mare who noticed she was vulnerable. Even Homage was running some game for the Twilight Society once they realized she was valuable as a murderhobo.That's not gay, that's a victim.
>>41015014And what if they don’t belief you applejack can tell lies, and based on this board I know most of you hate discord he could just say you are lying.Than you are stoned and you lose every relationship you care about as the ponies see you as the monster you are.
>>41015125Become powerful enough to defend your waifu from the deep state.
>>41015170>applejack can tell liesShe can't, she doesn't have a superpowers like Shys Stare. She's just very suspicious.>discord he could just say you are lyingHe has to prove it. Which he can't.>monster you areI'm not. I won't hurt a pony ever. But you're not a pony, therefore here could be only one.
>>41015125Sounds like cope
This was a great thread, whats the next op pic going to be?
>>41015209>Marry Applejack>Declare you'll turn her into an honest mare>Ponies interpret this as innuendo>But what you really mean is that her inability to lie (let alone lie to her husbando's face) will mean that she can't get away with nuthin'>Did she go out in the middle of the night to bet on cockfighting?>You best believe she'll snitch on herself after a few hours of squirming>You have made an honest mare out of her
>>41015216electra complexes
>>41015068no, you're thinking of warlocks
>>41015213>promoting lesbianismTicket: VAPORIZED, incinerated, gone, reduced to ashes
>>41013394So, is Anon dead? He's in the horsepital somewhere?
>>41015471>t. whitekitten
>>41013823>peak prisoners dilemmaI do love a good trolly problem myself
>>41015518Who is this whitekitten? He sounds pretty based if his defining trait is hating lesbianism.
>>41015563t. whitekitten in a trench coat with a cheap fake mustache
>>41015471Nah I just like getting a rise out of (you) but seriously she is gay in FOE bro. Ain't no way getting around that
New thread: >>41015697
>>41015701thanks babe
>>41015678Applecucks and Dashfags... Oh no bros....
>>41014967Not for long.
