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Recently moved back home for college from living with my boyfriend for a year and half in his home town. Distance is 3,000 mi and I needed to get my education. We talk often but decided that we need to get our lives together and work on ourselves and stress less about the relationship and each other. Work for a better life for both of us. We still love each other very much, and are in an "open relationship". We talk of future marriage. Been together for 6 years. But I see other men on casual lackluster dates and he regularly sees another girl--just for sex and nothing else. We felt as though this will satisfy us when we can't satisfy each other because of distance.
He gets really turned on by me telling stories of being with other men because he sees me as "his favorite porn star", and sometimes he tells me that he sees his girl and what he does. I have feeling of deep anger and pain and sadness whenever I hear him talk about her, even just telling me he saw her the other day with no details. And when he doesn't tell me anything I just assume the worst and the thoughts in my head are worse than the reality--so I'd rather just hear what happened.
I don't know what to do, I feel very guilty and very ashamed for feeling this way. I cry some nights about it. I overdose on painkillers. I keep to myself and close communication some days with him. I have no right to feel this way and I don't want to bring up this issue because he will feel as though he needs to stop seeing the girl. I don't want that since I still see other men and it will not be fair nor right. I'm no better, I have no right to ruin this for him and to feel this way and to ruin the relationship over it. Is there anything I can do about this? I'm very confused and disgusted with myself.
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>>18082320
What a useless post
>>
Most things in life can be bottled down to two to three options, no matter how hard they look like. In your case:

1) break up. You make use of the benefit of an open relationship, but doesn't feel good about the other part doing so. It's unfair to both to change that.
2) grow up and owe your choices. You apparently chose it in mutual accordance with him.
>>
>>18082339
Tell me, how many long distance relationships have you seen survive successfully? It's not a moral deficiency in the subjects, humans just aren't made that way. I'm also a firm believer in the lowest common denominator; even if OP's bf is sleeping around with other women, does that really make for a successful relationship OR an easier situation to remedy? Sexual comparability is paramount to a healthy relationship in most people. I mean, we can't really know the specifics about OP's life, we can only offer generalizations about the way that humans interact in society. Am I though? Not all advice is positive...
>>
Same shit happened to me last year with my ex, and yes .. she is now my ex, she lives in Spain now,, she started to see other guys, I lied to her I told her i was seeing other girls, I just cried every night... It took me three months not talking to her and put my shit together,,, starting dating again.... now I'm in a new relationship .... much healthier one. I guess she didn't love me that much ... if you feel you love him .... tell him so and get together NOW!
>>
>>18082356
You claimed all parts of my issue were false, thus solving a whole made up issue of your choosing. Before I moved in with him I was faithful for 4 years in a long distance and so was he, I would visit him for weeks to months bi or tri-yearly before this. I loved him enough to go through with that. Long distance is nothing new to us. The pain is familiar.
>>18082351
Fair assessment, I'll think it over, appreciated.
>>18082361
Whole thought process was that we both enjoy taking care of these primal urges and our love was above it and could not be changed. That we use other bodies for our pleasure for the time being, but sex between us and our love was above all. That feelings would not change for each other just because of sex with other people. I felt above it, I felt that I could rationalize and understand the concept. But within me came these deep feeling of anger and sadness, explainable, and shameful.
I wish we could get together but he lives far away and is not financially stable, and I need my education. I am not sure what to do other than what >>18082320 said and get pregnant to end it all.

GUIDELINES:
Before you post a question, check the FAQ to see if it's already been answered.
Keep questions short for more answers.
If you're not going to like honest answers, don't ask your question.
And please no derailing arguments.

FAQ:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
>What do girls/guys think about <an insecurity including, but not limited to: looks, physical traits, personality traits, virginity or otherwise lack of dating experience>
There is no one answer. Preferences differ, but complexes are always a turn-off.

>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Get over it by practising and exposing yourself to it, little by little, step by step. There is no single magical moment that will instantly change you forever.

>I like someone. What do I do?

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>>18081958
I'm in soc more than b but not really. Only time I looked in on one was when the OP picture was like, super odd looking. Like it was curved so bad it was almost 90% and I was like
"What the fuck? I gotta get a closer look at that shit"

So, I suppose that's not really the positive "mmm yeah thats a sexy looking dick" you were probably looking for.
>>
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>>18082119
Don't respond to the trolls plz.
>>
girls,
would you give out your number to someone you had no intention of following through with?

would some of you feel unable to say no, and just give out your number and then ignore someone because its more non confrontational?
>>
>>18082367
If I felt it'd get him off my back of if it was a situation where he was using something else as an excuse to get my number, then yes.
>>
>>18082369
no, this person point blank asked you if you wanted to meetup

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What the hell am I waiting for?

What are good, deep conversation topics you've discussed with friends that really showed you who you really were and changed your outlook and views.

I just had this amazing talk with a friend where we imagined being stranded in the wild with our other friends (gradually adding more people) and considered our probable roles, then problems with each other, then about who should lead and how and then about fucked up shit like killing off the useless. It was a lot of fun. What deep talks have you had like this?
>>
>>18082312

one thing my friends and i discuss often is the whole 'chance' factor.

my friend was very anti-paranormal, but had a strong sense about 'destiny' revolving around us.

whereas i actually manage a psychic and am involved with spirit BS and have trouble believing things happen for a reason.

he traces back how we met and how radically different our lives would be if we hadn't met, not just for he and I, but for our other friends as well.

he is right about the sheer coincidence of it all.

I'm a faggot who asked him out on a date cuz he worked at the yogurt stop next to the restaurant my roommate worked at. he was straight so turned me down but i offered to cast himi n a short film i was working on.

he was so bad i had to reshoot the whole thing without him, but through that we soemhow became best friends and 4 years later still going strong.

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>>18082322
Yeah, it's insane how certain kinds of people, as if by magic, gravitate toward each other. When I first met my best friend he thought I was a cringey autist faggot and avoided me for a week, but then we discussed politics and found some common ground and somehow we became very good friends and unknowingly nearly the same friend circle.

We've changed each other so much, but still remained the same in many ways. I can be honest with him about anything, it's great.
>>
>>18082347

>avoided me for a week

my earlier relationships were like this but these days i seem to hit it off really fast and im enjoying that. im of the mindset that friends are different from romance and family becuase those two hinge on circumstance i think.

whereas friends, if you had yuor memories erased and ended up in the same room, you'd end up being friends again.

family you only really have cuz you're born into it. love is very circumstantial, right place right time.

but with friends its just about who you two are and i think thats why they're the best reunions after long periods of time.

>we've changed each other so much

i know that feel hard, i feel like im hitting this age and level of sappiness where all my friends and I do are go on big fucking adventures then talk about how much we learned from each other about ourselves like some fucking sitcom
>>
>>18082357
Wow, that thought never actually crossed my mind that you would still become friends even if your memories were erased and you were locked in a room.

Can you ready describe how exactly you have been changed by them? I feel like I've become a stronger person and not just physically (he actually taught me how to work out and probably saved me from being eternally lazy and unfit), but I've been more confident in myself. He's also given me constructive criticisms and so much it's difficult to explain. I've been able to vent nearly all my crazy views, frustrations and cool thoughts to this guy and get the same thing in return instead of judgement and awkwardness. I can actually trust this guy with pretty much anything. You don't find as many people like that as you'd think.

Anyone want to read a few months worth of my facebook convos with my autistic oneitis? I'm not pursuing anything at the moment since I've already asked her out twice and she's blown me off each time, but I just want your guys opinions as to whether or not this is salvageable. Do keep in mind that she's a huge aspie, and so I'm not talking to her as if she was a normie chick.
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why the fuck can't I link a text file here, fuggggg
>>
textuploader dot kom slash d1bfr
>>
>>18082336
but I don't think aspies are into anyone right away though? don't they usually need time to get to know someone?
>>
>>18082362

not really. if they like waht they see they know if they want to get to know them. as a general rule if you're close enough for someone to blow you off twice, than you're close enough to know if you want to date.
>>
>>18082366
so no chance she's just not ready for a relationship right now, and might be in the future? She's told me personally that she's trying to keep everything the same in her life rn. She's never explicitly said "no".

honestly keeping my options open at the moment and pursuing other girls if I get the chance, but I really fucking like this chick and I don't think I can just let her go.

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Background about myself

>be me
>24 y/o KHV
>autistic as fuck
>never had a female friend
>never tried to ask a girl out
>had a few friends during my life, but never kept in touch with them
>I was in 10 schools, so I never had a friend during more than 3 years
>had some crushes during my childhood and adolescence, but never did something about it
>after high school (finished in 2010) I stopped studying some time
>finished uni without being interested in anyone, don't know why, probably because I accepted my fate

Present day:


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>>18082338
Okay, so tell me how the fuck I try.

As you can see I have 0 experience, which wouldn't be bad... if we were 10 y/o. I'm very sure that when she starts to notice that I'm a virgin my chances with her will disappear completely.
>>
She already likes you apparently, at the very least as a friend. Just reverse engineer everything you said in your first post

>I-I never keep in touch
So do

And so on

It happens much more naturally than you think. Just ask her out for a snack or movie. It's waving your "!!!INTERESTED!!!" flag enough and totally normal to functional human beings.

Basically, don't overthing
>>
>>18082353
I usually tell myself that my life will pretty much be the same if I try and fail. If you try and succeed you get a great reward, if you try and fail, you won't be negatively affected especially since you won't be seeing in a few months if you fail.
>>
>>18082311
Jesus man, take a few breathes and stop being so fucking fatalistic.

I know where you're coming from, I was there.

You're probably thinking that she's possibly the only girl in the world who you'll ever have a shot with, so you're self censoring to not chase her off. By doing that though, she'll never get to know the real you and you'll seem boring, and chase her off anyways.

So open up, be real, and say something a little provocative. Exchange normiebook accounts or ask her to hang out after work. Stop fucking the future, and just nurture the friendship you have at the moment.
>>
>>18082365
Stop fucking living in the future*

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I found out a few days ago I was pregnant. My bf and I knew we were probably
Going to get an abortion. I told him not to tell anybody because I lcant seal with that. It's only been 2 days since I found out, and his friend tagged him in a meme about babies thing and it's obvious he told his friends I'm pregnant.


I don't even know what I suppppsd to think or do. Aren't you not supposed to tell anyone ur pregnant for three months anyway, in case you miscarriage or something? And he tells them the day of, when we are considering aborting it

I feel so awful what should I do or say :/
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>>18082298
Nazi detected.
>>
>>18082303
Just by existing you have, apparently unknowingly, shortened the lives of or entirely eradicated countless living creatures
>>
>>18082315
>because things die, I have the right to kill them
fucking nazis I swear
>>
>>18082345
you're misunderstanding me. By the mere fact of your existence, many creatures on this earth perhaps even human ones have suffered and possibly died without your even realizing it. Don't think you're any different than someone who chooses to kill, right or no.

Just in case you don't get it again I'll spell it out: you have personally caused life to cease, perhaps even worse to suffer, you hypocrite
>>
>>18081838
Neither is she clearly.

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So I met this girl late January and we started dating since and it really escalated fast. We spent many nights and even entire days together. Lots of PDA. She has cooked for me a lot. Strong hints from her that she wants this to become something. Great chemistry. We even made plans for next weekend (concert) and I got tickets.

This week things got weird. Saw her Monday night. Tuesday morning she says she's free that night and Thursday and I say Thursday works for me. I noticed since Wednesday she was hitting me up less and her responses to me seemed less invested. Come Thursday she texts saying she got work so Friday works better. Thursday night I text about Friday and she basically says she also has work and that she thought she told me about this too. Nothing from her since. I know she is busy this weekend (as am I) but this is definitely very different from how she was with me before. She also takes sleep pills at night (literally diagnosed with insomnia) and that can also explain her weird behavior regarding Friday's plans since she could have been fucked up.

I'm considering it likely to be a loss for whatever reason. Maybe she met someone new. Maybe she got sick of me. Who knows. Might be a chance this is all nothing but putting my eggs in that basket will make me emotionally vulnerable if it is confirmed that she's not interested in me anymore. So I'm expecting the worst.

My issue though is how do I deal with next weekend's plans? I'd rather find someone else to take to the concert if she just isn't into me anymore. At the same time I could just be looking too into this and she's just exhausted from work this past week. So I want to ask about it but without coming across as pathetic, in the chance she is still into me.
>>
TL;DR: how to ask possibly uninterested girl about weekend plans without coming across and pathetic or needy

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I just turned 21. What should my first legal drink be, /adv/? And yes, I'm a man.
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A whiskey straight. No chaser
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>>18082302
Do you want to throw up tonight?
>>
carbomb or sake bomb or something
>>
see if you can get a BJ
it's tradition
>>
everclear and apple cider

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My circumstances:
Growing up I never had any romantic interest in women and never pursued any, however I was otherwise fairly social[still having a decent group of friends of both genders]. Now at age 25 Im starting to get desires to have a relationship but find myself with no knowledge of how to approach women in anyway but as a friend or colleague.

The special factors that I see causing trouble
-As I will be finishing University in 8 months my ability to meet people have free time will be effectively cut to the bone indeed most of my peers are already in full time careers and or serious relationships.
-Because I didnt learn when I was young I know Im going to make a lot of blunders however I fear that given my age these will come off as me being creepy, odd or even a sexual harasser. People understandably expect a level of experience in this area which I just don't have.
- Me being liable to being manipulated or being particularly stupid because Ive never experienced romantic feelings first hand.

My question:
Given the above how should I progress?
>>
>>18081574
You're like the fucking retarded women I've met who can't figure out how to spend less money than they have.

"Well no one taught me how to make a budget when I was younger, so I can't."

If you want to do it, you would try, try to figure out where you're failing, and then try again.

If you want to do it, what you're not going to do is sit there wishing the past were different, and completely fail to act.
>>
>>18081916
>You're like the fucking retarded women I've met who can't figure out how to spend less money than they have.

Well its fairly easy to give targeted advice when it comes to budgeting beyond try and figure out where you are failing

Could you do the same in this circumstance

>If you want to do it, you would try, try to figure out where you're failing, and then try again.

I know, I was just seeing if there were any tips to help me better address those factors that are causing me trouble.
>>
>>18081934
No one knows where you're having trouble, and from what you've written, you're not having trouble -- you're simply not doing anything at all.

The comparison to "waah I can't learn to budget" isn't about an actual inability to do something, it's to illustrate that it's the same stupid, shitty attitude that YOU have.

As far as getting "tips", there's this web search engine called "Google", and with it you can find a lot more information and general advice that you ever will on 4chan. I'm surprised you've never heard of it.

Shit, you could even read other threads here on /adv to see what sort of advice people are giving for problems that are coming up.

Unless you are actually stupid, it looks like what you are seeking here isn't advice, but to whine and have people pat you on the head.
>>
>>18082120
>No one knows where you're having trouble, and from what you've written, you're not having trouble -- you're simply not doing anything at all.

Ive outlined my troubles succinctly but to make it even shorter "how should one go about pursuing romance when they are new to it in their mid to late 20s"


>The comparison to "waah I can't learn to budget" isn't about an actual inability to do something, it's to illustrate that it's the same stupid, shitty attitude that YOU have.

+

>Unless you are actually stupid, it looks like what you are seeking here isn't advice, but to whine and have people pat you on the head.

I think you must be reading something into what I have written that simply is not there. Im not bemoaning my circumstances or refusing to accept responsibility for them. Im only asking for advice on how I should progress.

>As far as getting "tips", there's this web search engine called "Google", and with it you can find a lot more information and general advice that you ever will on 4chan. I'm surprised you've never heard of it.

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So this girl for some fucking reason tried to "mold" herself to me or some shit, and she didn't really love me apparently

We just spoke, she said she didn't really loved me but tried to. And now I get dumped.

The girl I fell in love with wasn't even fucking real...

Why does this make me feel fucking unlovable?

I feel used, I tried to make her happy, I was nice to her, I reassured her everyday how much she meant to me
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>>18081556
>if i have needs my girlfriend will leave me
>its healthy because it has been going on for 3 years btw
>>
>>18081624
Having needs is different from being permanently clingy, needy and available any time.
>>
OP here, I wasn't clingy/needy (she was)
I was always there for her though...
>>
>dated x's friend in december
>had genuine feelings for him
>thought he had feelings too
>fucked him before he moved away to another state
>after moving he seldom texts me
>told me recently that he wanted to fuck someone before he left
>mfw we're still "dating" but he never makes and effort to talk to me
>feel like used garbage
>also feel unlovable
>feel like there an issue with my personality

we're in the same boat anon. it hurts like a bitch but i feel like it'll get better with time. i've found in my short 19 years that time heals everything
>>
>>18081503
>Why does this make me feel fucking unlovable?
Probably because someone couldn't love you, even if they tried: that's literally what happened.

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How do I make my boyfriend more attracted to me sexually? Help
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>>
being more spontaneous in the relationship helps a lot in sexual attraction. Try to do something different with him
>>
Pic?
>>
>>18081519
Well, one thing he should do is throw away all his secret porn stash and wait a few months to fully recover.

Search yourbrainonporn with Google and just tell him to read the FAQ from that website. The more he reads it, the more it will click. He'll understand.

Also, both of you should exercise. You crave more sex the more you exercise.
>>
>>18081596
YOOOO wtf op he said that to you??? Holy shit man. Break up and move on. He basically called you a cow and hes looking for other women
>>
>>18082333
Depends how he said this. On one hand, he's insulting and says he finds other women attractive.

On the other, he's honest and not some pathetic pushover. He made it clear that she has to lose weight and this makes me want to clap.

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Can anybody here help me find a beginner paint set? Pic related is what I'm looking at so far:

https://www.french-easels.com/products/artist-quality-table-easel-with-complete-art-set-painting-supplies-more?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=googlepla&variant=1046877933&gclid=Cj0KEQiA88TFBRDYrOPKuvfY2pIBEiQA97Z8MQehwVTwkEPan3VfQQ-2jErDy-zuX-QZHK7v_pMIcpUaAhBf8P8HAQ
>>
>>18082310
Holy shit yet

http://www.ebay.com/itm/133pc-Deluxe-Artist-Painting-Set-Aluminum-Easel-Wood-Table-Easel-Paint-Canvas-/191800063949?_trksid=p2141725.m3641.l6368

look at what I found!!!!!!!!

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Been having severe insomnia since beginning of semester- not sleeping for 3-4 days then crashing. Tried sleepy time tea, zzzqil, been put on loads of different medication, nothing works. Some medication works but puts me in impaired state following day. Tried natural route: meditation, stopping all electronics before bed, exercising more, nothing works. Advice?
>>
>>18082191
Cause of insomnia? Are you just stressed because of school or are you being raped by a giant tentacruel at night? Maybe find that out?
>>
No stress in school, but it does feel like I'm being raped by gyarados
>>
See a therapist.
>>
Hello OP. Have ever seen a psychiatrist? How long have you been dealing with this?

Is your insomnia due to stress? Depression? Anxiety? Hell, maybe an allergy do not let you sleep and you don't know it. Please, share more information. What do you feel at night?
>>
>>18082191
>No stress in school
>I'm being raped by gyarados
>I'm being raped by gyarados
>I'm being raped by gyarados
>I'm being raped by gyarados

Need I go on? Listen to >>18082256, >>18082301, you need someone to tell you that you're actually stressed and give you some objective assessment.

OTHERWISE GET READY FOR THAT SCALY DICK...forever

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>tfw don't want to touch women
>tfw also want to touch women
How does one overcome the temptations of the flesh?
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>>18082195
You're right, I'm sorry, wanna kiss?
>>
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>>18082204
THIS IS A PURE THREAD
>>
What is wrong with you people
>>
>>18082317
What do you mean?
>>
Sheer will power



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