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File: How to not fail at life.png (924 KB, 2100x4102)
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I work as a part time grocery clerk earning 10 dollar an hour. I usually get $200 a week on average.

Does the job in this meme cartoon pay better than what I have, and if so, what I do I need to do in order to get it?
i can tell you that this meme cartoon is not to be listened to

Man I haven't seen this comic since maybe 2007. Thanks for making me feel nostalgic bro.

Has it been deconstructed?

I am 30 and I have a bachelor of Art degree in Interdiciplinary Arts and Performance.

I don't want to be like Chris Chan and not be able to support myself.

I can give up the whole girlfriend angle. Even the meme cartoon says it is a "swirling vortex of suck."

If mankind develops android lovers, then girlfriends will be obsolete anyway.

I can save a lot of money by not having someone to take care of, but with my current job, I can barely take care of myself.

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What is wrong ?everybody fucks around but I just want a fuckbuddy to stick with. why is it impossible to get a human to fuck who is not spreading disease?

Hello /adv/!

I am a young, straight, American male.

Throughout my life, gay/bi men have been much more forward with me than women ever have. And today it has been made painfully aware to me. At this moment, there are at least 4 different men that I could txt right now and they'd be on their way over to come suck my dick. There are 0 women I know that would do the same. As far as I know, I'm (mostly) straight. I've tried the whole "bi-curious" thing, it's not for me. Maybe if Brad Pitt from 10 years ago wanted to be my bitch, that'd be enjoyable (maybe?). But with that being said, I regress, I am mostly straight.

So what the fuck do I do? I wish women would approach me offering BJ's like men do, but they simply don't.

Am I shit out of luck? Or maybe if men think I'm attractive enough to ask me about gay shit then maybe women think the same of me?

What do
25 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view.

those are not people who are 'gay attractive' at all anon. they are all famous celebrities with unique features, not gay features. their supposed attractiveness (i have never met someone who was attracted to andy dick) comes from things surrounding them, not their looks in and of themselves. I hear women talking about david bowie way more than gay men.

you are not going to be attractive enough that anyone whacks off to pictures of your face. theres mountains of porn out there plus we can all just, you know, get laid. something you apparently struggle with.
Women love Andy dick, he could probably fuck any chick who knows who he is
Basically, you look like you have AIDS
The fact you're nice back to them and not like "ew, queer" is all it takes
t. nice straight boy that could probably be convinced with a few drinks
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I am happy to not be in your situation.

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5 years of University and not one single fucking friend to drink with and celebrate the end of the academic year.

Is this what autism is about?
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>I was mostly joking anon
Yeah I know, me too ;) I couldn't write a longer post, I was on the phone.

You know the thing is, I actually think I tried to meet people.

I joined the sports section, played handball (European sport) for the Uni (I wasn't the waterboy meme bench "player" or anything, I really played the sport before so I was good), and none of the guys wanted to hang out with the new guy, even after two years. Like they were a little closed high school clique. Few times I asked these guys hey, we should go out, grab a beer or whatever. They were like yeah yeah we'll keep in touch for, and nothing.
Other thing I like besides sports is music, so I tried to meet guys/girls who liked the same things as me, and still I couldn't make any real friendship except coffee during lunch break. I asked them to hang out, go to shows, jam together, whatever. Zero.
One girl "friend" (not a gf) we agreed to go to a concert together, we bought tickets together and she fucking stood me up with no explanation and I went alone feeling like a total loser. Later I saw on her ig that she went with some friends and didn't even had the decency to tell me. Like what the fuck man.

I joined one student organization also with minimal success. They're even more clique-like than the sports guys, even though you would think those kinds of gorups would be cool and open to new people. Only time I got to hang out with them besides the organization-related stuff was when they invited me to a pub quiz because I'm kind of a trivia geek and we actually won the 1st prize. But I was still left out of every conversation like a total outsider.

My girlfriend's friends I barely went out with a few times, We broke up half a year ago.

I live alone and solitude is slowly creeping in and getting to me . I started having real bad anxiety and even panic attacks.
This ain't me btw, gtfo
well you seem like a person with interests and hobbies, but maybe you are too shy, or not outgoing enough (i kow this is vague but maybe you dont express enough emotion)? maybe you try too hard to be likeable and you are too worried about what other people think about you and so you come across as boring? Or maybe its the complete opposite and you come across as irritating or arrogant or something of the sort? Its hard to tell what you are doing wrong from your post, but you definitely are doing something wrong or in the worst case something is wrong with you. I would consider talking to your family and/or to some professional, considering you have anxiety aswell.
You remind me of me. You might be such a genuine person that people feel uncomfortable around you. Most people are sincerely disingenuous and vapid, so if you're smart enough and above that bullshit it actually threatens people even though you would never do anything to harm them. Idk man it's weird out there if you're not a fake cunt like 90% of the people you're trying to attract.
I keep getting "connection error" all the time while trying to post, the fuck.

>but maybe you are too shy, or not outgoing enough (i kow this is vague but maybe you dont express enough emotion)?
This might be it. I can't observe myself in social situations so it's hard to approach this problem, but my dad is exactly like that. A fucking robot haha. He has passion and emotion for things but doesn't show it. A flegmatic type, but a bit over the top.
It's hard to describe but you feel it when you meet a person... reserved.
>maybe you try too hard to be likeable and you are too worried about what other people think about you and so you come across as boring?
This too, as much as I would hate to admit it. After all, I came from my hometown to a new big city to study. I have friends back home but it seems I have a hard time fitting in around here, in any group whatsoever.
I was never arrogant and mean unless seriously provoked, so I would rule that out.
> Its hard to tell what you are doing wrong from your post, but you definitely are doing something wrong or in the worst case something is wrong with you. I would consider talking to your family and/or to some professional, considering you have anxiety aswell.
Yeah, I have the feeling I'm overthinking this whole thing, but it sure is hard to conclude what's up with me. There's a million factors involved. And you're right I'm gonna seek some help, arrange at least one session with someone and see how it goes.

You cheered me up, thanks my man :)

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how to make friends in a game as a noob who just started and will probably suck at playing for a while?
Go to vg, find the game you are playing and check the thread for any players list. As an example, Destiny thread used to have a Google spreadsheet of players for raids and I met a few good people there. Other than that irl friends or people you know but not well. Try to just hint at playing sometime to them and things might hit it off.

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Hello /adv/, seems like I'm in a bit of a pickle.

So, I am in a professional "multimedia technician" course (basically a jack-of-all-trades course about photography, graphic design, media editing, etc) and it's the last year. By June 22nd, I am to deliver a PAP ("Professional Aptitude Test", roughly translated), to prove that I am ready for the job market by showing off my skills in a "thesis format"-- you choose what to do, you do it, and you need to defend it in front of 3-5 judges.
I decided to do a 3d animation using Blender when I didn't know jack shit about neither Blender nor animation. I did pretty good on the modelling and rigging phase, however, and everything is set up and ready to start the animation process.

Now, here's the problem.
I'm REALLY burned out on all of it. I legitimately tried to do the animation, but I just didn't have the motivation needed to do it (and I still don't have it), and I left the project in stasis ever since the beginning of May. I've been on an obligatory internship since May and I'm too distraught with it to have worried about the PAP, which sorta ties in with me not getting any work done. Even if I decided to do it now, there would not be enough time.

I've already done some shady tactics to cover my ass. I sent a message to my PAP teacher saying tl;dr "I formatted the wrong USB drive and my backups are too old, cunt". Didn't work very well, as she just said "lmao just keep doing the PAP from the backups, even if the video is shorter in lenght it'll do, lazy ass nigga".

I've come up with 3 options:
>(1) Feign depression and completely ignore everything about the PAP;
>(2) Be honest about it with my PAP teacher.
>(3) 1 + 2 combined.
1 reply omitted. Click here to view.
Can't you just pay someone to do the animation for you overseas?
Then defend the thesis like a motherfucker, is just less than an hour. Then you are done for ever.

Come on nigger.
I've considered it, but I'm going to have to say no to that;
Not only would I have to spend the small amount of money I possess (inb4 Yuropoor), I'd also have to iron out a lot of kinks with the animator. The PAP teacher knows what I'm supposed to do, because I have told her how I envision the finished product.
I'd also have to tell the dude to make it look amateur. And in only 3 days time, no less.
TL;DR I'm too prideful for that.
Well, admitting that this is a pretty slow/dead board, I'm going to bump by saying that if I don't have any resolution made up by tomorrow, I'll go with option 1, since I'm a lazy fuck anyways.
>spend the small amount of money I possess
You can take out a loan for that. Being in debt a bit isn't as bad as failing this project from what I gather.

>I have told her how I envision the finished product
Tell her that you stumbled upon a problem while working on it and that finding a solution to make it work your way would have taken too much of your time. So you decided to work around it by doing it differently to your original idea.

Either way good luck for the 22nd OP.
Forget all that lol, I made up my mind and I'm just going to follow option 3. I've already appointed a meetup with my teacher, now its only a matter of getting my Speech to 100.
I feel like this is the better option.
Thanks for the help anyways. I appreciate it.

Riight, so I have a weird question. Might be more suited for /pol/, but whatever.

I am from Poland, and I am planning on making it my goal to become someone powerful and meaning in my country. I am planning on studying something business related(I want to study accounting) abroad(Already taken care of) and then on coming back here to start working on my career.
I am a poorfag, therefore I have no ties with people of power here. I am looking for books related to this topic. Were there any great leaders(by great I mean powerful, not good, so stalin or hitler etc count) that wrote autobiographies?

I know it's a long shot but I'm looking for books that can give insight and advice on how to become powerful. It's such a specific topic I have trouble to find these types of books.

9 replies and 4 images omitted. Click here to view.
>literally doesn't know how to google "the most important leaders and entrepreneurs"
>wants to become someone powerful
Z takimi przyszłymi figurami autorytetu Polska ma przesrane.
Spierdalaj psie. Ilu z nich napisało książki? To chcę wiedzieć. Chcę przeczytać jakieś książki napisane przez przywódców a nie znam żadnych do kurwy nędzy
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I'm a very ugly and disproportionate girl. I have a narrow frame with narrow hips and broad shoulders, and a manjaw. I literally look like a skinny stoner dude and I've been infact mistaken for a guy before. My confidence is at an all time low right now, I've spent this weekend binge eating and playing stupid online games.
Today has been the laziest wasted day in recent memory and I feel like I'm wasting my life because I can't get over my physical appearance.
How do I get over this and start doing things for once? Every time things are looking well, something happens and I'm reminded what a loser I am and crawl back into this depressive unproductive state. I'm tired man, I'm physically tired of always being bottom of the barrel tier, ugly and poor as fuck with no prospects.
64 replies and 5 images omitted. Click here to view.
all u need is my dick in ur mouth
She didn't blur her neck though... Also you can see from arms that it's not a man, and from the style of writing
holy shit ur actually really hot
Hey OP, you look like you'd be a good sub/slave.
Here is some advice for you. If you dislike your unfeminine looks, put some actual effort into looking more like a woman. It's like your mad about looking like shit while trying to look as shitty as possible.

>grow out your hair and change it back to its original colour
>wear things that cover up those trash tattoos
>wear feminine clothes
>exercise to look as good as possible

>How do I get over this and start doing things for once?
CHANGE YOURSELF. Anyone who gives you the "be yourself" spiel is doing you a massive disservice and is just trying to avoid upsetting you.

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GF and I want to not use condoms but still not get pregnant.

She wants an IUD combined with me pulling out.

Is this a terrible idea? How likely is it her her to get pregnant?
28 replies and 2 images omitted. Click here to view.
Nuva ring is good, iud works. Neither of these will leave you needing to pull out.

You two should get your shit together. If you're this afraid of kids something is wrong.
Just ass or mouth fuck her, faggot.
Get her tubes tied, and tie your own balls in a knot as well.

This is the only way to be sure, apart from full scrotal-slicing.
>For copper iud about 2 to 8 out of every 1000 get pregnant.
I was Wong its actually 6 to 8 out if every 1000 women every.single.year who get pregnant while using the copper IUD. The lower is for the hormonal IUD.
Good luck.
It is not hard. First time I finished inside my girlfriend she got pregnant.

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I realize this might not be the best place to ask but I'll start with this board

so the situation at my new work place is that the company is fairly small, mostly nerdy engineers (which is great) and very little management; obviously this has pro's and con's and I'm running into one the cons
I came up with an idea to improve on some operational processes, and convinced almost everyone involved in said processes that it is an improvement and so I organized a kick-off meeting; one of the senior engs didn't like some small shit involving it, literally nomenclature stuff, he didn't have any alternatives/solutions to his concerns and so now the whole thing is in limbo because nobody could get him to get over it and he has quite a bit of respect so so far nobody can "bypass" his opinion
nobody thinks it matters, probably not even he does, and since we're all a bunch of rather autismo engineers, we don't know how to properly handle the situation and proceed

so wat do? in the meantime we agreed to review the whole thing next week and if there's no better ideas just go ahead further and we'll figure it out, but I feel like we just got lucky this one time

basically: how do I handle these situations better? the only idea I had was to sit with the guy and listen to his concerns and somehow get to a point where he understands that he's being listened to and his concerns will be addressed in some way
just to be clear: my goal here isn't to yolo get everyone to do as I say, but there's sometimes situations where people will have some strong opinions about shit that just doesn't matter
and yea there's a reason behind that which should be understood, but honestly sometimes this is just so fucking inefficient and slows down everything
I'd prefer having some way to treat those issues separately while going forward with the main thing

and in case it wasn't obvious, I'm not a manager and by no means would I want to escalate because then all the trust and respect i might have is out the window in 10 seconds flat

so I need to treat these on (best case scenario) same level in terms of "organization levels"
eh one bump I guess I'll try other boards
Meet with him. "I get the impression that you don't object to the principle of the thing, just to some aspects. I'm still enthusiastic about the idea, so if you can tell me exactly where the problems lie, perhaps I can fix them"

(The practical point is to make the proposal better. The political one is to give him some ownership of it so he'll have an investment in its approval)
>is to give him some ownership
you're probably not around but holy shit this opened my eyes, thanks anon, I think that was it; he kind of got thrown into it half way through and maybe that contributed to his reaction
so thank you

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just found out my GF dated a black guy last year.

im a little disgusted
not sure what to do.. any advice?
1 reply omitted. Click here to view.
Kill the nigger. Kill the girl. Kill yourself. Or paint your face black.

These are your only options.
Suck it up or leave her really. If she finds that you leave her for this reason you'll obviously look racist but you'd know your path better than me
Turnabout is fair play.

Show her who's boss. Date a Black guy yourself.
This d e s u
If she makes dumb decisions like dating blacks why would you be with her anyway?

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Pretty much my only deal breaker relationships is lack of virginity. I have dated probably over a hundred girls over the years and broke up with them after 3 or so weeks when I asked the dreaded question.

Why the fuck is this so fucking hard to find. Yes I ask out church girls. I'm gonna be 26 soon. Good build, pretty good facial asthetics, but I'm really short. Should I give up and lose this stipulation?
34 replies and 2 images omitted. Click here to view.
The thing is, if you're busting your ass just because she's a virgin, does her character not even really matter to you anymore?
I dislike sluts and I dislike those who put virginity on a pedestal, because really those guys irl creep me out. Of course, if it's gonna eat you out alive knowing she had another guy inside her then I do think it's best for you to keep trying to find a virgin, but I've heard of guys that became much happier once they overcame that mindset.(Even if you're doing it for religious purposes, how religious are you if you have considered converting to islam, christianity's enemy?)
Dude just shut the fuck up.
Of course. It was foolish of me to even think that trying to instill logic into one of you would be a good idea.
>manwhore wants a pure girl
Not telling them is really smart, they put so much emphasis on virginity. After you're not anymore they will think less of you, then what.
I hope you're lucky like me and find a man while avoid all the guys.

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I'm 25 and this year I met my 16yo step brother for the first time.
He lives in a nearby city and has visited me twice already. We have mostly good relations, but last time he has stolen a little bit of money from me. I told him how much does it piss me off, since I pay for him anyway. But the next day when he left I realized he has stolen a knife from me.

Now I'm really mad at him.
Any advice on how to teach the kid how to behave? I don't want to lose a brother, but this behavior is not acceptable.

(also, I was growing as the only child and my father was completely disfunctional, so I never had any models in my life)
21 replies omitted. Click here to view.
and yet it's psycho way to bring out your aggression to solve problems
Or here's the best option, you're 25 and he's 16. You're already an adult he's almost there. He's a guest treat him like one until you feel you can trust a 16 year old kid that you don't know around your shit.
Take the knife and run it down his back a number of times equal to the amount of money he took (don't cut deeper than 1/2 inch
I'm not going to fellate you by telling you what you clearly want to hear. Go shit up another board. This board is for advice not your masturbatory quest for self assurance.
bro, we're not on /b/
tell me the truth then and not "what I want to hear" whatever that could be.
as of now you said nothing

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How do I act on my goals? Take them seriously enough?
26 replies and 2 images omitted. Click here to view.
i might consider reading your posts
they were right this board its useless, first you remind me how inferior I am then you want to "help" me
Try this approach, see it the other way.
Another goal is another trap. Procrastination is another trap. The way you want to see the world hinders you from seeing the world really. To look into one’s goal is like walking with binoculars on one’s eyes. To see this moment, is enough. Is it not, after all, that everything one experiences, is known as it comes. And that there is no experience that is not known.
You just fucking do it.

See that thing you need to do? Go over there and fucking do the thing.

No math. No chicken soup for the soul bullshit. Just goddamn DO IT.
I always heard this kind of thing about depression or bad moods. There's some studies which proved that?

t. non depressed and uninformed anon.
you're not inferior and you'd do well to put that idea out of your head. this board is where depressives and sociopaths end up congregating. makes for a pretty godawful mix sometimes. anyway. give my posts a read if you feel like it. i've no interest in kicking people when they're down.

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Things are moving way fucking fast with my girlfriend

>Me, 23, three previous relationships
>Her, 19, two previous relationships
>Been dating for just under two months
>Things are intense
>Every time we're together it's a blast
>Spent the last two weekends with each other
>She likes me because I treat her better than anyone she's ever been with (Not saying much, they were all scumbags)
>I'm nice to her, nice to her friends, understanding, fun to be around, super chill, stable
>I like her because she's ridiculously sweet, funny, smart, takes a genuine interest in my passions
>Wants to get personally involved in one of them, has brainstormed ideas that are actually really good
>So much chemistry, our friends are all excited for us
>We've both struggled with mental instability in the past, but we're in better places right now
>She's moving away in 1-3 years, says if we're still together she'd like me to come with

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that sounds like an intense, passionate, healthy relationship. let it ride and have fun

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