reach out to her and have a mature adult conversation about you guys. I’m not sure what your goal is but if it’s to get back together then bring that up. If it’s to get closure then do so. Talk about how or why things went the way they did. Perhaps she was going through something or went through something that made her change. you really never will know unless you two talk. It’s been 3 years. Can you go like this another 3? or 10? or 20 years? get to old age and still think about this? you need talking things out can either bring a solution or bring closure which will help you get over her. People on this board are fucked and will tell you to forget etc but deep down you know this could leave you unsettled for a long time. If after 3 years…

so be an adult, reach out and talk about these things.

>>31117673
according to a mutual friend, she wants absolutely nothing to do with me and is still "healing" from an "extremely abusive" relationship and "violation of boundaries."

and that's the part that pisses me off. it was not an abusive relationship by any standard. we didn't cheat on each other. we didnt beat each other or gaslight each other. the melodramatic language angers me deeply. she even accused me of doing things like "negging" her which I've never done in my life to anybody, and it isn't even my style.

was it a good relationship? no, by the time it finished, it was very mediocre, especially when we got into COVID lockdowns and we sank into a funk and stopped trying. but abusive? fuck no. we almost never yelled at each other. I can count the number of times on one hand when I ever insulted her and I always immediately apologized. the worst things ever got to were long texting arguments. I have my misgivings, she had hers. we had bad communication. we both fucked up. but it was emphatically not an abusive relationship.

the weird part is that we were doing okay in the beginning when we broke up staying friends. but I felt she was treating me poorly (like I felt like we was just using me and, ironically enough, negging me here and there), and she apparently felt the same way.

the problem is, I dont think a conversation is possible at this point, nor would one be for a very long time. she's waiting on her ability to forgive me, but honestly? I'm waiting on an apology from her if that makes sense. hell, I'm waiting on an apology for taking so long to forgive me. I'm ready to make amends but it would have to come from the heart

I'm deeply conflicted on this. maybe I'm just clinging onto something that wasn't there.

>>31117673
>>31117810
I guess what I'm saying is that, for a few months to a year, I was open to getting back together without too much. but now I'm just angry and bitter about the way this is gone about.

>>31117502
You move on by giving yourself closure and not seeking it from her.

>>31119554
idk what that would mean. what even is closure? a happy little ending? a definitive opinion on what happened and what I learned from it and then shelve the subject (potentially forever)? I can't just "give myself" closure because what I want is something she would have to give me

>>31117502
idgi haven't you dated other people? haven't you learned to enjoy activities without her?

>>31117502
Honestly man, you move on by finding another nice girl that'll care for you better than your ex was able. The thing is, when a girl has a big impact on you it can linger potentially indefinitely, although it should be more manageable over time.
I was talking to an old boss shortly after a breakup that sounds very similar to yours (that left me very rough for a long time) and at 72 years old, with a long term wife and several lovely kids and grand kids he said he still occasionally thinks back to that one girl from his youth.
It sounds melodramatic but as you get older, you just collect more emotional wounds which never quite totally heal. You miss times and places and people that you used to know that for any number of reasons you can't get back. It's just part of life and it happens to us all.

>>31119595
In addition, from what you've said it doesn't seem like this girl is likely to provide any closure. I disagree with the other anon, I think she should be left well enough alone. Chances are nothing good will come of chasing her up if she's created the image of an abuser in her head. You're likely to be left feeling even more bitter and resentful after a bad interaction with her, as people rarely act how we would like them to.

>>31119595
>>31119612
This anon is wise.

>>31119592
I do. I've grown in a lot of ways. But thoughts of her come back every now and then. And I haven't found anybody else I click with as well as her, not even close. Hell, I have no idea what she is up to, what she looks like, etc., and there's no way to figure that out because she's not on social media.
>>31119595
>>31119612
I agree, and the second post is especially true. But what's the best way of ordering yourself in the meantime?

>>31117502
I had a relationship of only a month with a girl.
She broke up with me.
It took me FOUR YEARS to digest it.

Time will solve this, just try to do things you enjoy doing, socialize, get to meet new people and girls, and you'll eventually be out of that pit.
I seriously doubted I'll ever get out of it, but it happened.
Be strong, anon, you'll be fine later.

>>31117502
You wil have my time

> I both miss my ex for who she was

No, your needs are not covered currently, so you remember what you are not getting. When you upgrade from a woman to a better one you barely remember the first one, all your thoughts is on the new. When you downgrade you can move on. Get some better options, improve yourself

>and hate her for who she become
She didnt become like this, its not her choice, its her reaction to your behaviour. She was sweet and perfect to the new guy instantly, because he showed proper behaviour. The same you did in the beginning. You made her like this, women are mirrors

>she was so perfect for me
Yeah, when you did right and didnt do wrong

>and if things worked a little bit better while we were together, we would still be together
There is no if, you didnt play this game properly, your skills and knowledge are lacking. It would crash anyway

>the way she treated me towards the end and after we broke up made me livid, as if I never even knew her

You think she wakes up and think, yeah I should ruin the life of the most important man to me that I love, fuck yeah!

You failed, you made her lose attraction and slowly fall out of love, you missed all the clues, you didnt listen to her, she warned you in womanese many many times. Eventually she lost feelings and gave up. Its instinctual, she acts like this involuntary. She is unhappy, repulsed and hurt

> I want her to apologize

Do you want a dog to apologise for barking at you? Its a dog, doing predictable dog things. Accept reality and learn to operate it

>bad at dealing with mixed feelings about people

There is no mixed feelings, you just have no skills or experience. You made her fall in love, you made her fall out of love, you chased her away and repulsed out of your life

>how am I gonna fix this?

Read 3 percent man by corey wayne, you will be amazed on how absolutely blind you are female wise. And how many typical mistakes you make

>>31119595
needed to read this. crying like a bitch right now. I'm basically in a slow process of exiting from a partner. We've known each other and lived together for 5-6 years, dated for a year of that, broke up, still trying to do the friendship, but everytime I go out with her just to hang out a few times, the memories flood back. Lease is almost up and I'll be done torturing myself, but I can't believe what a profound impact this fucking woman has had on me only for us to have to now pretend like it never happened

>>31117810
>she wants absolutely nothing to do with me

Yeah, you fucked up so bad that she has zero interest. She knows that you are unfit, she doesnt feel anything towards you and doesnt expect you to change, because she gave you chances before the break up (female chances, its subtle)

>and is still "healing" from an "extremely abusive" relationship and "violation of boundaries."

You are delusional. Someone has this opinion of you, and you brush it off like they choose to remember it badly? Thats what she feel. Thats how you made her feel whatever you did. Stop being crazy and see how people perceive you

>and that's the part that pisses me off
Victim mentality, female behaviour

>it was not an abusive relationship by any standard
Thats how you see it. You. Women dont lie, men just dont care to listen

>the melodramatic language angers me deeply
Its a woman

>she even accused me of doing things like "negging" her which I've never done in my life to anybody, and it isn't even my style.

You are not listening to her, one of the reason she left. Instead of asking why does this perfect girl that you loved feel like this, what does she mean, you turn into stubborn salty baby. Work on your communication skills and liw self esteem

>and we sank into a funk and stopped trying
You are the leader, you are the general who lost the war. There is no we, its a woman

>we almost never yelled
>almost
>we

You yell at women? You are emotionally unstable and weak willed. Feminine

>times on one hand when I ever insulted her
Yeah, you are abusive. You lack self control, women are disgusted by that. Makes them feel unsafe

>worst things ever got to were long texting arguments
So you hurt her, dont listen to her, insult her AND argue with her. Poor woman, she dated a child

>we had bad communication. we both fucked up
No, she fucked up only by ignoring red flags and falling in love with a guy who cant control himself, doesnt know how women work and cant control himself

>>31122247
>>31122316
Probably the most useless person in this thread so far. Trust me, I've agonizingly looked as hard at my faults as I could. No matter how it's put what she's saying did not match what I did, at all. If you were to look at my actions, you'd call me a cuck for calling myself an abuser.

Riddle me this retard, if she wasn't still attracted to me after we broke up, why was she sending me nudes and trying to hook up with me until she cut off contact completely? Personalities are lot more complicated than the story you're pushing out.

And what is this bizarre idea that because there were a handful times where I lost my temper and yelled, that makes me a child? I guarantee you that I have better self-control than 99% of men out there. Or that makes me an abuser? Most couples have yelled at each other before. Now you sound like a cuck yourself. I can always get better, but not through your useless regurgitated manosphere advice.

Honestly, I strongly believe that she had been influenced by her half-sister in the decision. But I think that kind of solves the problem itself in that I wouldn't want somebody whose mind could be easily subverted.

>>31117810
>the weird part is that we were doing okay in the beginning
You were doing okay in the beginning. Showed your best side, was emotional unattached, fun, easy, proper vibes, low conflicts. Then your behaviour spiraled, you started doing typical mistake and didnt communicate properly. Ignored her attraction dropping, ignored her warnings and hurt her so much she gave up and left to look for a proper man that knows whats hes doing

>when we broke up staying friends
The spark was gone, love is gone, but the habit is there. And since your abusive ass had no balls to end it, she had to do it hurting you and feeling bad for it. Staying friends is their non loving sympathy

>but I felt she was treating me poorly
And your self absorbed ass never had a thought like - huh, this loving woman now treats me like I am a different person, how come? Why am I this different person now, to be treated poorly?

>like I felt like we was just using me
You have no clue. You mistakes instincts and emotions for personal conscious attacks. No, bad

>and she apparently felt the same way
You are the big boy, you are the hunter, you are the king, you are the daddy. You whine how your emotions got boo boo (female victim mentality) but you cant comprehend that her emotions got boo boo. Do you realise the double thinking here? She cant be victim, I am the victim!

>I dont think a conversation is possible at this point
Let the pior woman go, you nimrod. She told you that she is hurt and wants to move on. Stop dwelling on perceived pain that you got by your fuck ups and let her get a proper guy that will act like a calm, stoic man who listens and provides feeling of safety and fun. Instead of arguing, self victim blaming, yelling and shit flinfing

>hell, I'm waiting on an apology for taking so long to forgive me
Unless you face your shortcomings on all the fucked up details of your craziness that you learned from your broken parents, you will keep having bad relationships

>>31122374
>I've agonizingly looked as hard at my faults as I could
Here is the problem, fish is oblivious to water. You have only your perception to judge. And of course you are the victim and did nothing wrong. However, women dont dump men they are in love and dont convey how unhappy they were afterwards. You can say whatever, her actions speak louder

>No matter how it's put what she's saying did not match what I did, at all

I see no contradictions so far. She does and says usual female things and you do usual male mistakes

>if she wasn't still attracted to me after we broke up, why was she sending me nudes and trying to hook up with me
Thats not love, thats trauma bond, look it up. Emotional heroin, typical to abusive relationships

>until she cut off contact completely?
She was so in love with you that she exited your life. Thats some strong attachment

>Personalities are lot more complicated than the story you're pushing out

Incorrect. All women are wired fundamentally the same for hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Except for crazy women, but she is more sane than you looks like it

> I lost my temper and yelled, that makes me a child?

Yeah, children and women cant control themselves. Men behave, not react. Either you have some neurological issues, weak will or childhood stuff. You, the big hunter, the killer, is emotionally uprooted by a small fragile girl. Thats immature

>guarantee you that I have better self-control than 99% of men out there
No. You just want to excuse your weaknesses by them being common

>Or that makes me an abuser?
Yes, yelling is abuse. As well as insulting. And guilt tripping, since you are blaming her and expect an apology

>Most couples have yelled at each other before
Most? No. Those that doesnt work? Yes
Again, fish is oblivious to water. You observe your patents, your observe your friends and you think everybody yells. No

>Now you sound like a cuck yourself
Yelling at a woman is like yelling at a child

>>31122397
>>31122482
A lot of dumb presumptions, as if I didn't look at my past and look at my faults, as if women are nothing but children (think about the kind of how resentful you have to be as a man to think that!), and as if the proper man is a chipped statue that simply lets everything happen to him.

I can tell you're just trying to provoke a reaction out of me now through ridiculous exaggeration like... as you would say, a woman. If you're actually trying to give advice and not project your own self-failings, I'll read the next post as long as it isn't a Reddit-style snip and snipe post.

>>31122482
>guilt-tripping
simply having the expectation an apology isn't guilt-tripping you retarded nigger.

how old are you? 16? 17?

>>31122316
>>31122247
Worthless posts.

>>31122247
>Read 3 percent man by corey wayne, you will be amazed on how absolutely blind you are female wise. And how many typical mistakes you make

Yeah dude, you make great effort reciting the book's contents but sincerely you write like a white knight who's unable to comprehend that women make mistakes too and sometimes it's hard to overcome all their made-up drama and bullshit.
I don't think you belong in the 3% group you think you're in.

>>31123089
Yeah, after having gone through the breakup, you can tell that his shit is just repressed, self-hating trauma. I was exactly like that in the beginning, thinking it was all my fault. Then after a while, after getting better, I took a step back and realized that I wasn’t nearly as bad as I made myself out to be, and what she did was pretty messed up. It’s a two way street.

>>31123089
>>31123377
No, its not trauma, I emphasize men fault on purpose. Basically, any relationship from a date to marriage is a race. There are two levels to this

- your driving skills, terrain knowledge, attitude etc
- your choice of a race and your choice for a car for that race

From my experience, when focused on second level (there is no ideal car, women have flaws) its way harder for guys to accept how clueless they are, how bad their driving skills are, and how many predictable mistakes they make

Its very easy to fall into mentality that it was just not the right car

However, cars are cars, and races are races. All women will lose interest in time, all women will get bored, all women will try to break your rules little by little, its not their choice and not a personal attack, its just is. Rainy muddy race track is just is

AFTER accepting how shitty average driver skills are, after fixing all the little things and mistakes, its time to go the next level of choosing the right car for the right race

After the first level comes unattached clarity, and only then its time for the second level

Yeah, women will do shitty things, its way easier for them to be disloyal, abusive, manipulative and so on. They are way more sensitive to bad parenting, they very rarely work on themselves, and so on

But after passing the first level, now you realise that you see all women flaws in like first months, all their secrets and character flaws. So its down to the man to say no, fuck that, its not the right car, its undrivable

Which gets us back to the idea that everything is mans fault if he crashed

- either you chose the wrong car/woman because your awareness is lacking or you couldn't get a better one

- or you chose right, but your driving skills are lacking and you crashed

>>31117810
>hm why is anon consistently avoiding addressing exactly what he did that would have made her say that, he surely has to know--
>"I have my misgivings, she had hers. we had bad communication. we both fucked up. but it was emphatically not an abusive relationship"
ah. yeah this is narcissism basics, there's more you're not telling us lol

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>>31117502
>how the fuck are you supposed to move on?

You don't move on.
You just continue loving the other person in silence.

>>31117502
I'm on year 5 without hearing anything from her and still miss her every day. Our first and only fight was the breakup conversation as she hit me with it out of nowhere after 3 years a few days after planning the music and guest lists for our wedding. We have different friend circles but some friends of friends overlap and I'll see her in the background of a pic or story from time to time which always makes me really contemplate my current gf of 4 years. Ex completely blows away my gf in the looks, money, and similarity departments but my gf now is a good woman, better gf, and better person all around than that ex will ever be.

>>31125136
>muh narcissism
Yeah, save the internet buzzwords for any zoomer who's dumb enough to listen to you. If it's *that* important (even though it's not relevant to what I'm going through right now), here's a short list of things that I failed:
>Got complacent in general
>Wasn't working towards anything besides doing the bare minimum in school
>Didn't provide direction
>Got obsessed with politics and ranted often
>Got hooked on TikTok thots and didn't fuck her as often
>Got upset with her because she let me down over an important task that didn't take that much effort and texted her a bunch of paragraphs about it (this is what precipitated the breakup)
Yeah, it's mediocre shitty stuff, but NONE of this stuff is abusive. I never laid hands on her, I never intimidated her, I never gaslighted her, I rarely yelled at her (and this was precipitated by a heated argument, desu I can't even remember if we did anything besides raise our voices, it couldn't have happened more than once or twice if at all). Like, none of this shit makes any sense.

And the last point? I was absolutely right to be disappointed with her because her not putting effort into even the most basic tasks and chores was getting old. I felt like she didn't want to put effort into anything, even things that were necessary for my comfort and even my career. The only thing I'd do differently in the future is be brief and to the point.

Like honestly bro I think you just like to listen to yourself talk.

>>31125059
It boils down to the fact that you think you can do all the right things and it'll make a relationship work, or that making mistakes here and there justifies the negative outcomes you receive. It's textbook trauma rationalization, and one that robs agency from the other group. I agree it's good to always look towards yourself to see what you can change, but sometimes it's the other party that simply didn't rise to the occasion or stepped out of line. Then it's up to you to make the judgment call to forgive or to let go.

And even the idea that you can choose the right car is a flawed analogy. Why? Because sometimes it's the right car but the wrong time. But when does a car ever appreciate in value over time? That's right, hardly ever.

>>31119580
You're a faggot for allowing your ex to have this much control over you. It's been 3 years and you still want her to apologize and make you feel better lmao grow some fucking balls and be a man. You shouldn't even be thinking about her at this point. People rarely ever apologize and own up to their mistakes so there's no point on dwelling on an apology that's never going to come.

Giving yourself closure means you settle whatever issues/problems you have stemming from that relationship by yourself and move the fuck on. You don't need her or her apology.

>>31125827
Why can't I want her to apologize, even if it's something I keep at the back of my mind and never bring it up again? I don't need it, and I can move on without it, but I still want it. Again, do you have to be a cold, uncaring statue who does all these things but has literally zero soul underneath it all? I'm not a robot, anon.

>>31125547
>Got hooked on TikTok thots and didn't fuck her as often
>Got obsessed with politics and ranted often
yup there it is, so you're a coomer AND combative. just from that alone I can fully picture your general personality and it's 100% deserved
>I was absolutely right to be disappointed with her because her not putting effort into even the most basic tasks and chores was getting old.
no. you sound like you're probably insufferable, of course she's not going to want to do anything for you when you couldn't put in the bare minimum effort into the relationship.

>>31125560
>that you think you can do all the right things and it'll make a relationship work, or that making mistakes here and there justifies the negative outcomes you receive

I am going to think about it. I feel like your general point makes sense, but subconsciously I disagree with it because I dont like where it leads. Some sort of fatalism, that life will eventually give you a shit hand and that game would be unwinnable no matter what you do. Thank you for the thought

>>31126316
Because wanting things from your ex will always have you under their control, which she clearly has over you.

Not being able to move on after 3 years is fucking sad. Anyone that hasn't gotten over an ex after that long is just a loser. It's not like you guys were married or had kids together so it wasn't that serious dude.

It's nothing about being a robot, it's just being mature and realizing there's more important things in life than holding on to an old ex gf. In time you'll look back at yourself and laugh at how gay you were about all this.

I'm assuming you're pretty young because only zoomers hold on this long to ex gfs. You really need to get more life experience, meet more people and do more shit because no one that has something going for them is still reeling over an ex from years ago. Stop being a faggot anon.

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>>31126316

>Why can't I want her to apologize, even if it's something I keep at the back of my mind and never bring it up again?

For as long as you keep attachments to her, you won't move on. You still have some part of you hoping the idealised version of her you created in your mind exists. She doesn't.

Nobody here can give you a simple explanation on how to move on. But I promise you never will while you're holding out any kind of hope/expectation from her. Find someone more suited to you and more worth your time. She is out there, but you might miss her while you sit waiting for your ex to have a revelation and apologise to you.

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>>31119595
>and at 72 years old, with a long term wife and several lovely kids and grand kids he said he still occasionally thinks back to that one girl from his youth.

This is so depressing. This is a nuclear hellfire of a blackpill

>>31125419
>Ex completely blows away my gf in the looks, money, and similarity departments but my gf now is a good woman, better gf, and better person all around than that ex will ever be.

Sounds like you broke even or maybe even lost a little but I am glad your disposition has stayed relatively positive.

>>31127640
>muh insufferable
Look who's talking. I guess people standing up to you is being insufferable kek. There's a reason why so many people in this thread thinks your opinions are worthless.
>>31128241
It's about finding a balance. In my opinion, you can always put more effort into something. But you have to make an individual judgment about where you decide things are "good enough." And that's up to you, depending on your own style of living. Plus, ultimately, there's not much you can do when other people who think differently from you make choices that get in your way. You have to accept it and work around it (or go to war).
>>31128531
How would that put me under her control? She can't make me do anything. And there's people who don't get over partners after 50 years. 3 years is fine (especially since I'm on the tail end of it anyway). Nothing that you're saying makes any sense and seems like you cribbed it off some shitty manosphere book without any corresponding life experience.
>>31128710
That's true. I think "closure" for me is coming up with a final answer, maybe a short and sweet position I'll stick to in case she ever tries to reach out to me, and moving on. I highly doubt I'd ever get back together with her, especially now that I know the kind of person that she turned out to be. And I don't think I'd want to, as much as I cling to the good parts.

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>>31128785

>That's true. I think "closure" for me is coming up with a final answer, maybe a short and sweet position I'll stick to in case she ever tries to reach out to me, and moving on. I highly doubt I'd ever get back together with her, especially now that I know the kind of person that she turned out to be. And I don't think I'd want to, as much as I cling to the good parts.

You're acknowledging what I said and still planning for eventualities where she reaches out. And you doubt but don't rule out the possibility of getting back together.

This is still attachment. This is why you can't move on. Make peace with the idea that she's not coming back. No "what if's". It ended when she ended it. It's done. Look for something new. Someone who actually wants to be with you rather than pining for someone who left.

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>>31117502

By acceptinging reality as it is and not how you wish it was.

>> if things worked a little bit better while we were together, we would still be together.

But they didn't, and you aren't

>> she was perfect for me

No, she wasn't. If she was you'd lbe with her still. You've put her on a pedestal she has no business being on. You did this to yourself.

>> want her to apologize

Honestly, who gives a fuck what you want? An apology is a feeling of remorse for words or actions. Why would she feel remorse? She doesn't want you. She isn't interested in you. You weren't perfect for her, and she doesn't want you to be. She wants someone else. Accept reality.

>> they're both good and bad? no they must be either good or bad!).
>> how am I gonna fix this?

Get yourself a psychologist. See them regularly. Work through your shit and behave like a functional human being.

P.S. If you're an autist disregard all the advice above. Autists aren't people, aren't fully formed and are beyond help.

>>31128785
>How would that put me under her control?
She doesn't need to do anything for her to still control you. You literally posted a thread about her and said you haven't been able to move on after 3 years. Whether you realize it or not your life has been controlled by her.

>And there's people who don't get over partners after 50 years.
That doesn't mean it's ok. Those people are fucking retards. Talk to ppl irl about how you haven't gotten over some girl after years and they'll look at you as weird loser. Nobody likes people that are still stuck in the past.

>Nothing that you're saying makes any sense and seems like you cribbed it off some shitty manosphere book without any corresponding life experience.

You can't understand what I'm saying is because most, if not all of your adult life so far has revolved around your ex. You have zero life experience and no real identity outside of that relationship.

The truth is you've remained the same and experienced 0 growth which is why you haven't been able to move on after 3 years.

There's nothing manosphere about what I'm saying, it's just the truth. If you had other things going on for you and were progressing in life you would have moved on already. There's much more important things to care about than an ex from 3 years ago.

>>31129073
>Whether you realize it or not your life has been controlled by her.
You're just using words like control meaninglessly. Just because I have an opinion about her, doesn't mean that I'm controlled by her. Control means she can get me to do whatever she wants to one extent or another. She can't, and she doesn't. Having opinions isn't the same thing as being controlled.

And you also act like I haven't processed things, haven't grown, etc., because someone who was a massive part of my life still has traces of her impact on me. That's nonsense. Again, go back to the chipped statue metaphor. Is that who I should be? Some soulless hunk of rock? That premise is whack.

>>31117502
> the way she treated me towards the end and after we broke up made me livid, as if I never even knew her
My ex-husband did this too. It was like a switch flipped and he was a totally different person.

I got over mine sorta by repeating the emotions so much that it burned me out on emotion altogether. Now I dont love her but I but I dont love anyone and i shift between depression and advancing my hobbies/career trying to make progress, but for what? I had my heaven all that's left now will never be as good.

>>31129471
My ex-fiancée did the same. She was ok the first month or so after the breakup, when she started dating someone else she became extremely cold and wouldn't even look at me when talking to me anymore.

>>31129458
>And you also act like I haven't processed things, haven't grown, etc., because someone who was a massive part of my life still has traces of her impact on me.

You're still posting threads about how to move on from an old ex from 3 years ago so you clearly haven't grown. You must be like 20 yrs old or something bc of how stupidly stubborn you're being to accept what the reality is. Other anons are saying the exact same thing as me but you continue to brush it off.


You saying the "traces of her impact on me" while you're some dumb little zoomer with no life experience, acting as if his whole life has been forever affected bc things ended badly with his first GF is just so overdramatic. You sound no different than guys who are adults that are still fucked up over a break up in highschool lol.

I promise you once you get your shit together, grow as a person and experience more of life, you will move on from this with no problem.


>Again, go back to the chipped statue metaphor. Is that who I should be? Some soulless hunk of rock? That premise is whack.
You already had that period of time to feel sad and dwell on your feelings about her and what happened. It's been 3 years now, get over it. Talk to anyone else about this and they'll you the exact same.

>>31129910
>threads
thread*, a singular thread. Besides, you're making a lot of presumptions about me just because I made a thread asking for advice. I've been living without her for years. There are often weeks where I don't think about her, or if I do, I don't think much about it at all. But that's because it's all stashed away.
>Other anons are saying the exact same thing as me but you continue to brush it off.
Most of the other anons are saying that you're giving useless advice and that it's normal to feel what I'm feeling.
>zoomer
I'm 27 and I guarantee you that I've done more in life than you. I'd put money on it. In fact, I bet that you're projecting from your own lack of experience because you had a little heartbreak in high school and think everybody's experience is therefore the same.
>just get over it bro
Most people saying this just accept that they have gaping emotional wounds and then pass it on to the next unlucky person in their life. I'm trying to not be that person by actually processing things.

>>31129458
>>31129985
NTA but you're clearly still hung up and she definitely still has power over you
I'm not denigrating you for that, my ex still has power over my thoughts as well, it sucks, but you being this defensive just shows how deep in denial you are about the situation.

>>31122247
Just wanted to say anon, we've had a lot of threads about hard breakups in the past few days for some reason, and every since one of your posts has at least been helpful to me, even if they are bitter pills to swallow.
Keep doing the Lord's work

>>31130036
I’m just asking good questions.
>muh control
>muh power
Control to do what? Power to do what? Stop being vague and stop using stupid cliches. Just because I feel something about somebody doesn’t mean I suddenly lose my free will lol. How about instead of being snarky and regurgitating clichés that you actually explain this stuff in a way that doesn’t turn me into a stoic robot or make me go back into my repressed ways. You can’t just bury this shit like I said before. I tried that and it hasn’t worked. That’s why I’m frustrated when I get told to go back to the shit that doesn’t work. It has nothing to do with being defensive and everything to do with solving problems.

>>31130071
First, I'm a new entrant to this convo, hence why I said "NTA"
Second, dude, I get it, it hurts and it sucks. I'm going through a painful breakup right now. The last time I talked in person to my ex she had just gotten back from a weekend away with her new BF. She wouldn't even look at me when she was talking to me. It fucking hurt like holy hell, her first time sucking and fucking some other dude and she was treating me, the guy she spent 8 years with, who was her first BF and took her virginity, like a piece of tissue paper with shit on it.
But what am I supposed to do? Keep ruminating on that, or live my fucking life? I still ruminate on it, but that shit is not healthy. You can look at it as "repression" or whatever, but at the end of the day it's a binary choice: either think about it and feel hurt, or don't and don't. I'm not the master of it, in fact I'm really really bad at not thinking about it, but fuck man there's really no other option. I'm trying to wise up to that fact, and so should you.

>>31130128
>The last time I talked in person to my ex she had just gotten back from a weekend away with her new BF.

They spent all weekend fucking bro. He was dumping loads inside that pussy.

She reached down and put him back in when is cock (Bigger than yours) slipped out.

She sucked his cum and her juices off his cock to start round two.

>>31130128
I’m not ruminating on it. You’re not listening to what I’m saying.

>>31130191
>They spent all weekend fucking bro. He was dumping loads inside that pussy.
Great, the same pussy I dumped loads in for years, except it's not cherry popped teenage pussy anymore, it's 26 year old used up hag gash
>She reached down and put him back in when is cock (Bigger than yours) slipped out.
I bottomed her out with room to spare with my 7 inches, anything else would just be a waste for that bitch
>She sucked his cum and her juices off his cock to start round two.
Ah yup, I remember when she did that for me too, I feel bad for that poor sap when they've been dating for a few months and realizes she's too lazy to do that shit again

In all seriousness this is not Chad Thundercock, this guy apparently asked her out a year ago and couldn't manage to get a GF in all that time, he would still be an incel if I hadn't confessed that I had been cheating behind my ex's back for years because the sex dried up.

>>31128723
>>31128723
>>31128723
>>31128723
>>31128723
HOW DO I PREVENT THIS??

>>31117502
Realize she was bitch that ditched you like trash, and hate her.
You need to remember their defects and the hints in your relationship of her not loving you.
All little nasty things she used to do to you.

>>31129585
I did the same too. My future seems worthless at this point.

tottally

I think I just need to somehow just come to terms with the fact that she took another path sometime in the middle of our relationship, and stuck with it. Technically, she could just do *one* little thing that would make me happy, but she's not going to. And whatever was there before, whatever potential I saw in her and in us, is completely gone. No point getting mad over a barely nothing (a potential) that doesn't even exist anymore.

The sadness about losing love, I can deal with. It's the bitterness and anger about how poorly she processed things that was getting to me. But what was that bitterness predicated on? The fact that she could have chosen otherwise. Well... maybe by that point, she was too far gone? No point getting angry over that.