I don't understand normies. They tell me and other lonely people to "put myself out there", meet people. OK, I do that. But when I do, I'm the only person there that's alone. Everyone else already has friends/family they're hanging with and don't want more. No matter how friendly or approachable I am, they think I'm weird or creepy just because I'm alone. Any attempt to join someone or a group fails because they say "I don't know you." So people tell you to "put yourself" out there, but when you do, they ignore or reject you.Make it make sense, people. You want us to leave the house (which most of us already do), but when we do, you're indifferent or outright cold to us.I just think the whole thing is grossly misunderstood and oversimplified. Yes, you can control whether you "put yourself out there" or not, how friendly you are, absolutely. But you can't control whether others reciprocate, and when your efforts aren't reciprocated, it eventually just becomes a waste of time and money. There's no point in wasting time and money to be alone in a different place.It's a complicated problem that doesn't have any one cause. For every cause that's within a person's control, there's another that isn't. Yes, a lot of lonely people could afford to be more outgoing, but other people also need to stop treating them like weirdos and creeps. Because if that's how you treat them, they're more likely to become exactly that. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.I'm a person whose family members and coworkers adore. They say I'm of the nicest people they've ever met. Yet I still struggle to make meaningful connections. If I'm well-liked by the people I'm forced to interact with but still can't make real friends, then there's a much bigger problem at play here.
>>31120668Gotta end up in a situation where both you and the normie are new to something together, eg a language course or a deployment or some new technology's early adopters. Then you are on even footing.
>>31120668Being 'nice' doesn't qualify you for friendship. You have to share things in common and/or get along quite well.
>>31120668>nicest people they've ever metYeah, they can take you for granted with 0 baggage. They don't have to reciprocate, invite you out for drinks, but you slave away at work to please them and kowtow constantly, always compromise, with no benefit for yourself. Is that compromise or is that being a doormat?People (including men) value autonomy in males. That you can do something for real, without any wishy-washyness. Go learn it.
>>31120689I'm not a doormat. I wear my emotions on my sleeves. If someone is pissing me off, I let them know. I have no filter.I'm already autonomous.
>>31120699Yet you can't solve your problem and instead of even asking for concrete advice, you spend 6 paragraphs whining in the worst way on a mongolian basket weaving forum.
>normalfags make it weird to go out alone>people stop going outside alone>normalfags then complain about thatI'm convinced that normalfags just like to make up shit to complain about, nothing is ever good enough for them
>>31120709This isn't a problem that an individual can solve. 61% of the US's adult population has this exact same problem.It's a societal problem, not a personal one. When the majority of the population has the exact same problem, it's clearly something outside of their control.
>>31120732Exactly
>>3112073260% of the US adult population is overweight, and it's true, there's a societal problem with slop.But still if you want advice to fix being a fatty, instead of "validation" like a fat activist, then it won't be kind to you.Same here. But you can keep coping, it's fine. Don't expect anything to improve by next year.
>>31120754Advice about loneliness has no reason to not be kind. The person isn't doing anything wrong or harmful to themselves or others, they just need help making friends.
Yeah, that's pretty common. There's a few normies who hang out in public with their circle of friends, but they're not interested in meeting anyone new. Lonely people go out, try to socialize, get rejected, go home, and after enough failed attempts, give up and sit at home forever alone.
>>31120799Yep agreedI try to go out and am treated like a fucking freak just for being aloneNo matter what I say after that their mind is already made up
You're probably just awkward and/or mildly autistic. You might be doing something socially unacceptable and not even realize it. People pick up on subtle things, even as subtle as facial expressions, body language, the way you walk, the placement of your hands. "Normies", as you put them, do not struggle with any of these basic social cues - they're just automatic. They fit in because they're normal. You are abnormal, so you don't fit in. It has nothing to do with not knowing anyone there, it has everything to do with your personality and appearance. Be friendly, be nice, and hope that someone will go out of their way to introduce you into their own circles.
>>31120947>You're probably just awkward and/or mildly autistic.Nope, got tested for it.>You might be doing something socially unacceptable and not even realize it.I'm not.>People pick up on subtle things, even as subtle as facial expressions, body language, the way you walk, the placement of your hands. Yeah, I pick up on those things too. Mine aren't any different from most people's.>Be friendly, be nice, I already am. I've been doing that my entire life (30 years)
>>31120947Why do you people always making so many negative assumptions? You're proving OP's point.
>>31120947Not OP, but I'd say I have a pretty decent social circle. I've never made a friend by cold approach in a bar or whatever. I've never been to an establishment of any kind ever looking for friends. All my friends are childhood friends, work friends, friends of friends, or family friends. If I was with my buds at the bar and someone inserted themselves into our group, it would be instantly unwelcome, no matter how good their gift of gab isI've also never made friends while hiking a busy trail. I've never made a friend in the dog park near where I used to live. I've never made a friend in the grocery store. I've never made a friend at the libraryWould you like to explain what setting you believe this friend making occurs? I'd go to wherever this is and made all kinds of friends
>>31120668How to get gf>college>social circle>group hobbies (hard)>co-workers (harder)>online dating (almost impossible)if you didn’t made any of theses, it’s OVER for you
>>31120668>no matter how friendly or approachable I amNigga you posted an essay of text with a fucking dude in a suit smoking a cigar. You've likely got a weird egotistical vibe and are shit at approaching and talking to people.
>>31121302Again with the assumptions. You motherfuckers are absolutely useless because you immediately resort gaslighting and making up non-existent personality flaws.
>>31121341It's just obvious.
>>31121341see here: >>31121348OP clearly has main character syndrome
>>31121358What part of OP's post in any way implies "main character syndrome" (another made up bullshit term)? You're just pulling shit out of your ass and making up fanfiction about some you don't know. Which proves OP's point.
>>31120732>it's a societal problem, not a personal onethe irony is that the societal problem is, in part, that people refuse to accept personal responsibility for the state of society as you've done here. I hope you see this as constructive. If not, it's your own burden to work through.
>>31121397It's not a matter of "personality responsibility" when the majority of the population is having the exact same problem.61% of people having the same problem means it's out of their control.
>>31121407>doubles downI feel pity for you, but I can only offer so much. Good luck, friend. The path is long.
>>31121407>61% of people having the same problemWhat problem is this now?
>>31121432Take your "pity" and shove it up your ass. This is an advice board, not a gaslighting board.
>>31121149GREAT question. Gaslighting fags on suicide watch
>>31121149>All my friends are childhood friends, work friends, friends of friends, or family friendsWhat you're forgetting is that OP and the many others like him here who are always asking this question don't have this. Yeah no shit, that's what normal people do and that would be the ideal, but if you don't have that than you have to do it the hard way or at least get creative.You're wrong in assuming however that people are completely closed off, because if that were the case no one would ever keep making new friends as life goes on.
>>31121713So then will YOU tell me the location you get yours from?
>>31121724Me? It's like the other anon said. I have childhood friends, friends from work, friends from the gym, friends I met through other friends, etc.But let's say I up and moved and went to some new area where I didn't know anybody. Well, I would just make friends all over again. At work, the gym, whatever. Here's the thing though, people always suggest this here, and the usual suspect posters always have some hamfisted autistic excuse why something won't work and can't be done, despite people doing it all the time. For example:"talk to people at school">I can't there's no one in my major I'd want to talk to >I'm too busy studying"make friends at work">hurr durr don't shit where you eat>I want to keep my work life separate from my personal life even though I don't have a personal life"make friends at the gym">I'm not there to talk I'm there to TRAIN HARD(bonus funny points when it's coming from some tryhard dyel...and it always is)"well find a hobby and meet people through that">I don't have any hobbies>I do but all my hobbies are solitaryEtc etc, the point is there's always an excuse with a lot of these people.
>>31121778School and work feel like good ones for sure. I've made some great work friends that I've kept for years. School friends too.As for gym friends, idk how that goes. I'm a bike/hike outside kind of guy and I've never gone to a gymFor hobbies? I don't know. Hard to find a group doing anything that's less than 50 years old. I've gone to language classes, hikes with groups and such. Not sure if there are open hunting groups people join. I'm not gonna join any groups that are vidya centric, since that seems like a step in the wrong directionSaying "there's always an excuse" is like a thought terminating cliché. I can list 10000 incorrect things, and then dismiss all your replies with "man, it's all just excuses with you".I'm not saying your wrong, I'm just saying that cold approaching can be hard for people who are just not naturally social. It would be really cool if there was a way to get people interacting with people in their age group like how school was before graduating, but generally, I think it's dating apps, work, or postsecondary schoolI think people are growing up with nonexistent support networks with their family and neighborhood. People are super atomized and it genuinely IS hard, even if you don't think it is
>>31121856>I'm just saying that cold approaching can be hard for people who are just not naturally social.No one is saying to "cold approach" and I hate that term anyway. Everything I suggested is just examples of people organically starting to talk and make friends through shared experiences or interests. Now, if that means that at some point you may have to say to people "Hi I'm anon, nice to meet you" then so be it. That shouldn't be such an ordeal though.>hard for people who are just not naturally social.At this point I have a question for you, because this is genuinely fascinating to me. If you're not "naturally social", then why do you even care so much about making friends? That's what being social is.The funny thing here is that I can guarantee you I am WAY more anti-social than you. I either ignore or strongly dislike about half the people I come across, and I treasure my moments of solitude. I'm happiest when I'm just left alone and can relax and zone out to some music. And with all that in mind I STILL have a ton of friends from all walks of life, as I've described. I'd gladly give you some of mine if I knew you irl anon.
>>31120668Meet new people.>HowBy socializing>Where do I socializeClasses, meetups, gatherings, parties, shows where people with your mutual likes goals values and interests gather>How do I socialize with people there?Discuss what you are doing and add your unique insights to the conversation (if it is true, polite, and helpful) Be a good listener. Sometimes a different topic comes up and you can form a bond over that too.>I did that and don't have any friends!That is why you need to meet new people per step 1. Not everyone you meet is going to be an acquaintance and not every acquaintance is going to be a friend. That's just how life is.>It's really uncomfortable to try and fail it's too hard!I know it's hard. But failure is an opportunity to learn. Everything is hard at first, but only at first. You'll never have anything if you let your fear of failure and discomfort outweigh your desire for what you want.>I've done that a whole lot and still no friends!!!!You probably have some kind of personality or developmental disorder you should get professionally diagnosed and help for. There is no shame in needing help.>I don't want to do any of thatIf this all sounds unappealing to you then you don't want to have friends. This is the essence of growing, meeting people and having friends.
>>31121909Maybe "naturally social" isn't a good phrase for what I mean. It's not about being a misanthrope or even about being introverted or extraverted. Just that people who are poorly socialized have a harder time. The kind of people that might have a slight odor of autismI'm pretty lucky in that I have all the friends I do have, but I know if I lost contact with them all, I'd probably never make any more living as I do now.So then at that point I'd have to change how I live, and just like with anyone changing how they live, it can be hard.Idk I have a soft spot for spergs because I am one
>>31121778>I want to keep my work life separate from my personal life even though I don't have a personal lifeThis is perfectly valid. Letting your work life and personal life blend together can have disastrous consequences for both.And from my experience, nobody is really "friends" with their coworkers. They only hang out because they have no one else. As soon as one of them leaves (usually by getting a new job), it ends.
>>31121941Read the fucking OP, I already go to all of that shit and it doesn't work because people aren't there to make friends, they're there to hang out with the ones they already have.At best, it'll be a bunch of people I never see again. Friendships occur through random chance and repeated encounters. Meeting a person once isn't enough.
>>31122069>meeting a person once isn't enoughThis is huge IMO. That's why school and clubs and classes and such are so good
>>31122046>And from my experience, nobody is really "friends" with their coworkers.And in MY experience, which is much more than you have, yeah that is often the case BUT I have also made (and kept) very good friends I've made at work, as well as seeing it happen for others.
It's not you OP, making friends, let alone quality ones, is harder for everyone these days.
>>31121856TCG friends r pretty goodas long as its not magic, there are a lot of decent people.same as fighting games, some loons, but also some great peoplejust gotta pick stuff thats slightly more social.
