Hey, /adv/. I got a bit of a long one for you, so I'm sorry for the multiple posts. I just got home from an outing with my dad where he told me I disgust him and that I publicly shamed my mother and abandoned my family because I didn't let my mom light a unity candle at my wedding.To try to shorten a long story:> be me (picrel)> fiancee and I had a scuffle (silent treatment stuff) in my parents' house in december> mom felt snubbed because my fiancee wasn't doing much talking at the dinner table, aside from a small side conversation with me> woke up to my mom and dad yelling at each other> mom was angry with my dad for not saying anything about fiancee> dad yelled at me and they told me fiancee wasn't allowed in our house ever again> fiancee and I tried to meet with them a few days later to resolve things.> mom accused fiancee of not being raised right because of our side conversation (among other insulting things)> don't really say much because I didn't want to fight with them> try to tell my mom the day after our meeting that she probably shouldn't have said those things, but it was dismissed> this causes strife between my fiancee and mom, mostly which led to my fiancee not wanting to spend a lot of time at my parents house> parents try to get me to reconsider marrying fiancee on the pretense that we now seemed unhappy around them> we do some stuff we shouldn't have done, like fiancee not eating mom's dinner, which offended mom> go through a lot of attachment problems that led me to be vague with my parents about what our problem really was with them> move out 3 weeks before the wedding (january) > mom texts me and said they weren't going to be paying for or attending the wedding rehearsal> they also demand the car they let me drive back> bring the car back, mom starts hitting me and screaming vulgarities, says I'm a stranger who's abandoning my familyMore in next post...
Then I got accused of making my brother sit alone at church. I was sitting a few rows in front of him that week and didn't see him sitting alone until later, then mid-way through church I told him he should sit with some friends so he wouldn't be alone. My mom only heard the first half though and used it to villify me.> tell my parents i'd do anything to fix things with them, even after their explosions> wanted them to apologize, and my dad held another meeting where he took full responsibility and blamed himself > I kind of wanted mom to be sorry too tho. dad said she didn't need to be sorry because he was taking the blame for her> mom just looked angry and my dad's apology just seemed like a peacekeeping strategy> tell them i need time> they drive to my new house at 9 pm to meet me alone and tell me everything they did was for my protection and because they loved me> ask if my mom was sorry, she told me she was> dad says "no matter what you do, don't let another woman light the unity candle for your mom. It will destroy her."> tell them I wouldn't replace mom> next day my mom and my fiancee's mom started a text-fight where my mom told her she (my mom) was blameless and was justified in all of her actions> her apology was no longer genuine in my eyes> i tell them it would be better if mom didnt light the unity candle because its dishonest and we have no unity> have fiancee's mom light both> parents no longer texting or accepting calls> wedding happens> no eye contact, parents look angry the whole timeIt's been about 3 months so I invited my dad to go out for his birthday. We haven't talked since the wedding. I thought I might be able to explain that I still want to know my parents feel any sense of remorse, but he just berated me for two hours about how I "f--ked" my family and publicly humiliated the woman that "wiped my ass" (he said this four times) and broke her heart. he was quite vulgar.
(3/3) I understand I hurt them, but are me and my wife deserving of this? Do I deserve my dad laying into me like a child? Was I wrong about my decision about the candle? Also, what on earth do I do now to fix things? It's an absolute mess.
>>31128493You didn't hurt anyone. Your mom is a control freak, that didn't get her way, and makes everyone suffer for it. Your dad is a victim who can't escape, and who obeys her manipulation.You should go no contact.
>>31128552This.Your family sounds retarded and you shouldn't bother with them. Ensure there's nothing they can do to damage you and don't worry about contact.Either they will get over it and seek to fix things with you, or they won't.
>>31128493Your wife sounds like a bitch
>>31128493wtf is a unity candle?
>>31128493Even if they were mad at you, your an adult, they are an adult. They should have been able to talk to you in a calm and clear manner that they felt slighted by you. But instead of doing that, it seems they all just sperged out so I would just ignore them until they come back. If it was me and they crawled back I would just tell them "Its Jover" and if you contact me again I'll call the police or something.
>>31128502>(3/3) I understand I hurt them, but are me and my wife deserving of this? Do I deserve my dad laying into me like a child? Was I wrong about my decision about the candle? Also, what on earth do I do now to fix things? It's an absolute mess.Nah, your parents are faggots, just stop talking to them, fix'd.
>>31129602It's too late, OP is a faggot too.He's been contaminated from their faggotry from years of intoxication around them.OP will never recover. His mom won.
>>31129608>His mom won.your right, he should kill himself to own his mom :^)
>>31128552>>31128493i agree with anon's assessment of your mother, but disagree with his proposed action...i forced myself to read your second and third posts, but i already knew before the end of the first post that your mother has some problems man.unfortunately, the strife dragged out between your wife and your parents, but you gotta put your foot down at some point and not let your mom think it's ok to be this concerned with your business.that doesn't mean you should abandon your parents forever. as a man, you have the power to make things right. but if your mom wants to act like a victim when you assert yourself... well, at least you did what was right by you and your wife. your momma's got a grip on you for sure. and it sounds like a "traditional" generational thing. she treated you this way because she was treated this way. don't hate her for it but you shouldn't think it's okay or normal either.i would try to make peace with your family and if your mom wants to condemn you then fuck it that's not your problem you did nothing wrong and you're being too kind!
She lost all right to lighting the unity candle when she hit you. No remorse.
>>31128497I'm surprised you even invited them to the wedding.
>>31129577This.>>31129573Hi OP's mom.>>31128493If you want to reconsile only do it after your mom apologizes. Make it clear no apology no reconciliation. No dinners, no visits, no nothing. It sounds harsh and your mom sounds stubborn, but trust me when you and your wife have kids you don't want them being subjected to a family run by an insane grandma.If you force her to apologize she might respect you more, but short of that there's not much to be done.
