To make this as short as possible, I am not biologically related to the person I've called "mom" my whole life. My bio mom was an egg donor. When I was talking about my childhood with a dozen classmates, I started to sob uncontrollably. I didn't know why. I thought my childhood wasn't even that bad.After a lot of thinking and talking to other people, I've come to realize that I have never liked my "mom." For as long as I can remember, I've disliked her, and I don't think I'll ever like her, much less love her. Anything that could've made me a better, happier person she denied to me in childhood, and then tried to dissuade me from pursuing things that made me a better, happier person when I reached adulthood. She forced a way of life onto me that I found morally reprehensible, and I do not want to associate with her anymore.So I'm wondering if I should cut contact with her completely? If so, when and how should I do it? I'll be financially independent from her in a few months, and I'll be in college for another year.I love my younger half-brothers (their bio mom was also an egg donor), but they still like my "mom" for some reason. My "mom" doesn't even think she made me have a bad life. She thought she was giving me medicine instead of poison. Now she lives completely alone. Even though I spend months without seeing her, I grow tired of her within minutes of talking to her. In addition, most of the "family" I've ever known are my "mom's" family, so if I cut contact with her, I'll have to cut contact with all of them as well (I don't mind it that much though. I don't dislike them, but I was never interested in them as people).TL;DR: Poison dealer has been serving me poison for my entire childhood, and wishes to serve me more poison. She doesn't know she's been serving poison this whole time. I have never liked this poison dealer. A few people I love still like the poison dealer and talk to her regularly. Should I cut contact with the poison dealer?
>>31132698What did she do that is so unforgivable?
>>31132698Always cut contact with your mother unless she is a good woman who doesnt try to get in your business, and only talks when your dad allows her to.
>>31132698Whatever you refer to as "poison" is in all likelihood good for you.Explain what you mean by "poison" and how you came to the conclusion it's poison.>inb4 some neckbeard on 4chan told you medicine and therapy is a jewish hoax
>>31133201>>31133225It's not what she did specifically, it's what she tried to instill into me: an extreme focus on wealth, status, and comfort. She thought people with more wealth, status, and comfort were inherently superior people. I became addicted to such things, and it rotted my character for most of my life. It got to the point where all I would do was sit inside all day, make a meager amount of money online, then rot by overindulging in hedonistic pleasures, all the meanwhile suffering to an excessive degree because of my desire to do as little work as possible. It is very obvious that life is not for me. I've already encountered the logical extreme of "wealth and comfort = good," so for my own sake, I'd rather not touch that lifestyle ever again.
>>31133207My dad left us when I was a kid. If he had stuck around, I probably wouldn't have wasted so much of my childhood, but thinking about "what ifs" doesn't do anything.
>>31132698You're an ungrateful bitch, that is all.
>>31135372It sounds like she may have pointed in a direction but it was you who ran that way as fast as you could.
>>31132698>I am not biologically related to the person I've called "mom" my whole life. My bio mom was an egg donor.You should cut contact with your mom if that is what is required to preserve your self-interest.She raised you for her own reason, and you never asked to be born, much less born in such circumstances through such arrangements. If your "mom" is sensible enough to reflect on the consequence of her choice, she will know that she has to accept the risk that you may not like her for what she did. If she has plenty of time left in her life, she should be able to reflect upon herself and seek some redemption somehow, and you might even be doing the right thing by forcing her to taking responsibility for her choice by cutting ties with her.I don't recommend you do what I would do if I were you, but just to give you an idea, I absofuckinglutely I have cut contacts with people who aren't willing to understand me as much as I have made efforts to understand them.They're lucky I'm not the type to seek retribution, because I could do a lot of damage if I wanted to.
>>31135372These are very abstract things to cut someone off over. Sometimes you grow up to have different values than you were raised with. That doesn't excuse you from having some compassion for family that tried their best, as long as they meant well.You're much better off making peace with the family you have. She is some kind of family to you, she raised you and she stuck around.
>>31137529I was worried that I was being a brat for the longest time. A few years ago, I decided to stop being so brat-like, so for Mother's Day, I wrote her a card saying how much I appreciated her. I remember writing something like "You taught me to value education, so now I like to pursue education for its own sake." To that line, she replied, "Yes, but only if you can get a degree out of it."I thought to myself, "Oh, that's the only part of education that she cares about, huh?" Cause at the time, I thought she wanted me to be smart because being smart was good, but it turns out all she cared about was the status that a degree brought. At that very moment, my dislike of her became concrete and justified.
>>31138116It was more like I wasn't conscious of what I was even doing until I started to come of age.>>31138812>as long as they meant wellIntentions don't matter. Everyone means well. We do things because we hope to achieve something good from what we do. To be hyperbolic, Hitler meant well, the KKK meant well, and all these school shooters meant well. Just because they had good intentions doesn't mean they did something good.
>>31138400I'm not really worried about consenting to being born or being raised in such a manner. I think what matters most is that I still do what is right despite the circumstances I was put into without my consent.Though you don't recommend it, I think cutting ties with people who refuse to understand you though you show willingness to understand them is a good thing to do. You certainly have more courage than me, and I hope to become the kind of person who's confident enough to do that.
