>>33954583
>I'm 40 pounds overweight while she has a normal thin body, that's the only diff between us.
gym and peptides immediately or you're fucked forever bud

>>33954583
This is sadly not going anywhere unless you shed some pounds and like get in shape . Either way I am sorry to say this , but height is a massive factor . And yeah you won't believe me, but women aren't really all that nice you see . And i tell this from experience, they are cruel . And disappointing .

>>33954583
>can anyone give me some advice? words of encouragement?
what words of encouragement retard, she explicitly told you everything you need to know, you can enjoy being friendzoned or continue your "outcel training" whatever that is, with another woman

>>33954583
>We're both the same height
>I'm 40 pounds overweight
over

>>33954583
Would you want to date her if you were a normal bodyweight but she was 40 pounds overweight?

>>33955025
Yes, because I'm not as shallow as girls are. It's such a tough reality for a man to realize this, we have to work so so so much harder in comparison to women, and, I cannot blame her for wanting someone at least the same weight as her but, it is so fucking brutal out here man. When I was 80 pounds overweight earlier this year no girl even looked at me, now 40 pounds later I at least have girls as friends, but it's just so brutal. Such a brutal and fucked up realization. I'll post something I wrote to my friend today:

"we are theory crafting here, and no one is more right or less right, but I can tell you what I'm going to follow: I'm going to follow the principle that girls are way more shallow than we think, and value looks extremely highly. And everything else is lies and shit drivel coming out of their mouths, a rationalization of a primal feeling, a subconscious that they cannot express outwardly or admit, even to themselves, so surely not to us.
The only way rn is to looksmax"

So basically I agree with you guys >>33954630
>>33954652
I can't do much about the height but for sure about the weight

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>>33954583
You should respect that she might not be in a place where she wants to date. She could also have been in situations where she gets male friends who catch unrequited feelings and she wants to eliminate that opportunity since she already knows shes not attracted to you.
I might be reading into it too much but either way she seems guarded and wants to avoid a relationship altogether and its not really your fault.

>>33954583
>I'm also going to her place next Monday to play a deep-questions card game together
No you're not
I'm surprised you haven't learned this, you should have by now, but men and women can't really be friends for this kind of reason.
> but I really just, don't understand this need to shoot yourself in the foot and lay down expectations like that
Because you're a fat sperg that doesn't understand that a man and woman hanging out together always has connotations, and because she finds you so unattractive she doesn't want you to get any ideas into your head.
Just get in shape and keep talking to new women. Just like you do, most women know whether or not they would fuck a guy within the first ten seconds of meeting them. It's up to you to show you're more than just an option, you're the prize she's looking for.

>>33955766
>You should respect that she might not be in a place where she wants to date.
>either way she seems guarded and wants to avoid a relationship altogether and its not really your fault
When a woman comes across a guy that actually makes her wet, she'll "find herself in a place where she wants to date again" so fast you'll swear she used instant transmission
OP just wasn't that guy.

>>33954583
You text like a girl, fag

honestly OP your messages read like you're in a job interview

>>33954583
sometimes it's REALLY nice to just have a platonic friend who's a girl, especially if you somehow actually enjoy spending time around them. Chicks are amazing wingmen and refer you to their friends if they think there's compatibility there. It's nice too because women are much more open to exploring a relationship if you come recommended by one of their girl friends.

Appreciate the fact that she set expectations upfront and just treat her like a normal friend who happens to be a girl

>>33954583
I agree with you on the bit about having women as platonic friends, since I reject the myth that men and women can't be friends and also enjoy women simply for their company with no strings attached. Healthy mindset. On the other hand, you text like a girl. Stop that. No emojis, no pouring your heart out, just be as brief as possible. Your response to her initial text should have been
>Ditto. See you there.

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>>33954583
>hey by the way buddy, pal, we're just friends, okay friendo?
>YAY! [heart-eye emoji]
couldn't be me

>>33956477
>n the other hand, you text like a girl. Stop that. No emojis, no pouring your heart out,
it's funny that we call that texting like a girl when in reality I've only ever seen guys do that kind of love-bombing and triple-texting and overly excited emoji use with extra exclamation points.

>>33954583
Why did you have to post the screenshot in such an autistic resolution...

>>33955721
Just stop shoveling food in your mouth for a second and think why would any self-respecting thin person of either gender want to date a fat person? Why would someone who actually cares about their looks date someone who doesn't give a shit about theirs? Even ignoring the visual factor, being fat hints at all kinds of other personality and behavioral issues.

>>B-b-but I'm not shallow
Of course you would say you'd date a fatty, cos you're fat rn. Come back when you're a normal weight.

>>33954583
>I think it was awesome!
>It's good that you're being communicative
>YAY!
>I enjoy kind and friendly people like you who are respectful to me
What the fuck is this shit you cuck

Hmmm..reading the messages OP, they just come across as a bit too friendly and a little feminine. Im going to guess you don't flirt much with her in person. And that's all cool, you said your working on the out-cel thing. Just keep practicing. Lose a little weight if you can. Don't worry about your height whatever it is. Women THINK they care about that. The guy i know who fucks the absolute most girls is like 5'8

>>33954583
I'll second what others have said about your tone and how you're acting like one of the girls. I get it, this is all new, you're trying to fit in, match her energy, etc. But you need to find YOUR voice, YOUR energy, and bring that to the conversation. That's how you weed out people who aren't worth your time, and discover people who are worth your time.

On another note, you're lying to her and yourself by acting like her lack of interest doesn't bother you. It clearly bothers you. It will probably continue to bother you. You were hoping for this to lead somewhere, and it won't. Stop trying to be polite and smile through the pain. There's nothing wrong with having expectations. She clearly has expectations, and she let you know about them IMMEDIATELY. You do the same. This way there are no misunderstandings, and you don't wind up wasting your time and getting hurt for the sake of politeness.

You overexposed yourself, OP, particularly in the second text.
If she was astute, the line "I think I would have been receptive if something did happen, just to be entirely honest, haha" would have signaled that you are actually into her and drop you on the spot.

I do agree that you want female friends both for social proof and for practice talking to women but if I were you I would take a more non-chalant approach. Like the anons above have said, you're being too excitable.

You can keep hanging out with her but really get over the idea of her being your gf. If that ever happens, she has to be the one to execute and show interest (the ball is on her court since she set the boundary).

>>33956604
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CmFhneifgg

>>33954583
She isn't yet done with her hoe phase, she is keeping you around as the stable option for when she "wants to settle down".

Why do you do this to yourself brother?

Hey everyone, OP here, I appreciate all the advice so far very very much, there were a lot of replies so I'll just reply in general to everything

1/2

I know my texts read like a person trying to please/placate or overly excitable, but in all honesty this IS who I am, I'm not faking or putting on a face, and I'm not trying to please her, I'm being genuine. The thing is we sing in a choir together and we decided to go on a hike, there was no mention of this being a date as I said in the OP, not before after or during the meeting. The thing that threw me off is the fact that, just without me doing anything, she decided to preemptively reject me by setting expectations, when nothing actually happened.
She's the one who invited me on the hike in the first place, and she's the one who invited me to her house, to be there alone, together, and excitedly told me she wants to play a card game with "deep questions, that you never ask normally to help you get to know each other deeply"
She also shared openly things about her long term relationship and asked me about mine
So honestly, even though I didn't ask or set the stage that this was a date, this is the most date non-date I've ever been on, and on paper it reads really well.
My friend suggested that maybe she said this because she doesn't want me to try and escalate when I come to her place, because she wants to take it slow, but I really think this is just a rejection outright. Like some people said, she would have known if she wanted me by the end of the first meeting already.

This does bother me, but not as much as some people here think, I meet a lot of people weekly through concentrated effort and she's just one girl of many on my journey, & the more girls I meet - the more I learn about what makes me attractive or not, and I just think the weight thing is the biggest factor at the moment. Because we did go into pretty deep emotional conversation on the hike and opened up to each other, and this was her follow up.

2/2

My friend suggested yesterday that I take this opportunity to ask her why she preemptively rejected me, when I go over to her place on Monday.
I'm thinking about doing that maybe, in a very respectful way that won't be weird or awkward. Unlike what a lot of spergs here assume about me through my texts - I do know how to communicate very well in real life, and I don't see this girl as the end all be all to all of my life's problems and to my romantic loneliness, but I do know that this person is very communicative, reflective and open, and it might be useful to ask her.
The problem with asking her is that I feel like I put too much power into her hands, at the same time though - she's already rejected me. So I think I will ask her why she rejected me on Monday, because it's probably the last time we'll see each other ever in either case. I'm fully aware that women lie in such scenarios, and likely she won't tell me "oh you're fat", she'll say "I'm not ready", so yeah, I'm aware.
But if she says I'm seeing someone else and it FEELS genuine, then I know oh, okay, maybe it's not about me?
I know for a fact she's talking to one rizzler who's also in our group, she can't stop being around him and fawning over him, so she might want to be with him, he dresses well and looks good but has the personality of a fuckboy. I think that if this is where her priorities lay, then she's not for me and I can't change her mind. I would have dated me if I was her, but girls seem to have such great access to luring top rizzlers, so I fully understand not wanting to go with even a chubby dude when you yourself have a thin body.
It sucks, but it does mean that she's vain, and that's her choice. I won't be holding up for someone so flaky and excitable over a dude simply because he wears cool earrings and acts like he's the hottest shit around.

3/3

Ig I don't have the fanciest send off to this thread, I wish things would have resolved differently. One thing I know is that I shouldn't skip work just for a girl anymore. I had to work from home (university work) and instead went on this hike with her, and I'm doing the same thing next Monday. So, I'm not going to go out of my way to see her anymore, only if she suggests a date and time that I'm comfortable with. At the same time, there's a great chance that she won't want to talk anymore after our second meeting, my potential has probably been used up.
But it's okay, that's her choice. I can't tell you exactly what it is until I'm thin, I need to push forward and get even better discipline. I've lost 40 pounds since January but still have about 44 to go until normal weight.
I don't think anything exciting will happen anymore, if it will then I'll come update his thread or with another thread. The only thing I'm afraid of is that she'll start sharing with me how much she wants another dude, if that happens I'm out faster than you can say banana.
Well that's enough dribble out of me, thank you all for reading and replying <3

>>33957386
>I can't respect a woman for falling for some hot douchebag

If a hot, toxic bitch wanted to suck your dick, you'd jump on that in a heartbeat. Let's dispense with the self-deception, anon.

You spent the first half of your essay pretending to be unbothered and merely curious about why she rejected you (she will never tell you), and the second half wanting to pick away at the rejection and also resenting her for wanting to fuck someone handsome and charismatic.

You got good advice in this thread. Take it or leave it.

damn u rly overthunk it all anon

>>33957404
>If a hot, toxic bitch wanted to suck your dick, you'd jump on that in a heartbeat. Let's dispense with the self-deception, anon.
I mean yes, but also, that wouldn't be a relationship. Which is what I'm looking for. I had an opportunity earlier this month to fuck an emotionally messed up chick at a party, I didn't take it, had she been hotter I would have taken it but again not for relationship
I'm not pretending to be unbothered I even wrote in the OP, it ruined my afternoon yesterday, but it's not like I'm going to cry over it for the next couple days, at the end of the day the advice in this thread perfectly lines up with what I'm going to do - improve my discipline, in order to keep losing weight and continue to go to the gym, and reaching that goal of looking great. I appreciate your and everyone's advice

>>33957405
It's true I'm an overthinker hehe xd

Bro...

If you want more, then do someting about it or end it... Don't be the faggot sitting around waiting for it to happen as it never fucking will and you'll be there sitting at home jerking off to her while she's sucking some other dude off.

If she's not interested, move on. Don't entertain it, unless you specifically see her as just a friend, which you obviously do not...

She's just setting the expectation upfront that she is ok hanging out but because you selected a 1:1 setting she doesn't want you to misinterpret it as a date
>40 lb overweight
>Looksmatched
Alright buddy
>1/2
>2/2
>3/3
I can see why she doesn't want to date you...

>>33957416
>because you selected
I didn't select it, she invited me over. And I know I'm a yapper, it's not for everyone, she's a yapper too though we vibe well together

>I'm 40 pounds overweight while she has a normal thin body, that's the only diff between us.

Your subconscious already knows she will reject you. I wonder why /s

(sorry for reddit formatting, kind strangers)

>>33957419
Sorry I'm not going to read all that to find whether it was you or her that picked it...
Point still stands, she clearly isn't interested in you and at this point knows you well enough to know she won't change her opinion.

>>33957430
christ above the reddit spacing is bad enough but saying kind strangers. Here is your gold or whatever you absolute legitimate faggot. fuck

>>33957430
>kind strangers!!!!1111
Just go back.

Bruh stop giving her that much attention.
Cancel the 1 on 1.

>>33954583
>I really just, don't understand this need to shoot yourself in the foot and lay down expectations like that, just deleting the possibility of something happening between us.
Without realizing it, you are operating on the assumption that two people will fall in love unless there is some obstacle. That's why she seems to you to be inserting an obstacle.

The truth is exactly the opposite. Two random people will NOT fall in love unless something extraordinary and special happens between them.

That does not mean doom. At the very worst, you wind up with a friend-who-is-a-girl, and that in itself is a very nice thing

>>33957542
>Cancel the 1 on 1.
I get that... Generally I don't like to cancel plans that I've already made though.
Part of the training I'm putting myself through is also to not become TOO offended when a girl rejects me.
It used to be that when a girl rejected me I'd take such great offense to it and she'd lose her value in my eyes, but I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with her, and I didn't expect to get pre-emptively rejected to a date that never happened. So that part kind of threw me off.
I'll go on that 1 on 1, but past that, I'm downgrading her to just a person in my choir who I won't be going out of my way to hang out with.
But I also won't make any big, sweeping statements towards her. I'll try to understand where she's coming from and why she sent me that, but past this - I don't want to talk about this further with her. Rejection is rejection and if I can understand the why behind it that'd be nice but I'm not going to contest it.
Girl did make me annoyed and slightly disappointed and sad, but I'm using this as fuel to continue to eat healthy and go to the gym.

>>33957578
>Part of the training I'm putting myself through is also to not become TOO offended when a girl rejects me.
Not to be mean, but sounds like you are.
Stop trying to understand her or why she rejected you. Who gives a shit?
Walk away.

>>33957620
Well walking away is difficult because we have something planned for Monday. And IDK how to back out of it without seeming offended, or seeming as if her preemptive rejection of me didn't hurt me.

But I asked her just now because I didn't like how I was feeling, we're currently texting. So I'll post part 2 update soon

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>>33957650
oh boy

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I don't think most OP's would follow up with an update because of risk of being embarrassed, but, I want to be honest with my fellow struggling bros on this website.

So to conclude, I'm not her type, and that to me that screams - looks. Looks. No matter how nice I am, she can't love my mortal coil (my body, my face is great) so it confirms that I have to continue to eat healthy and go to the gym, because women really seem to care about this a lot.

If you're embarrassed in my name - don't be. This is how raw life can be sometimes, and it's better this way than to not try at all, I learned from this experience that I'm still not attractive. It's a very humbling lesson, and I take it and use it as fuel to keep going.

Who knows, maybe she'll refer me to one of her friends in the future, or maybe we'll stop talking after my concert and that's totally fine. I'm not holding a gun to her head and there's plenty of girls out there. I just gotta looksmaxx. We can all do it <3

>>33957691
Damn. Are you overweight?

>>33957691
jesus man, she seems like a saint for being willing to spell it out for you like you're a toddler. Take the (dozen) hints and move on

>>33957691
dude. get a grip.

I'm sorry that you have to seek for advice here because frustrated incels won't help you.

What happened is simple really. She thought you were flirting with her and rejected you in a polite way. Why she thought you were flirting, and why she rejected you, we cannot know. Sure, being overweight doesn't help, but it was just 1 factor in all the things that happened.

What we can say, is that it was probably one or a combination of those three things:
- You came on too strong without realizing it (for example if you were hanging out alone with her you might have not realized this was technically a date)
- She is a self centered person and doesn't like you (if you didn't do anything weird this 1st message you received is really uncalled for)
- She actually was into you and your emotional intelligence is so low you rejected her without realizing so she got back at you (low probability, but still much more common than the average male realizes)

Now for the advice. Your answer is really inappropriate and shows a lack of understanding of relationship dynamics on your part. When someone tells you out of the blue "we are friends and nothing more than that", this doesn't mean you are "friends", this means you are "nothing". If she wanted to be friends with you, she wouldn't have sent you such a message. She might have told you nicely in person whenever you cross a boundary, but most likely she would have told you nothing. Because men/women friendship are complex and she would not risk to blow it like that.

And so, when someone tells you that she doesn't want anything to do with you, you don't send her paragraphs begging for explanation. You say, "ok, have a good one" and you move on. She is not gonna explain anything, and you are being desperate. You deserve good friends and a good girlfriend and she is telling you: I won't be any of those.

>>33957691
>my body, my face is great
Visit /fit/ and see how many threads there are about ripped dudes who still can't get someone.
Maybe it's because it's who you are? Sure you're a great dude but not someone she wants to date. THE END. Just as you would not want to date everybody (* hope).
There are more women available.

Stop caring so much. I'm a good 20kg overweight and still manage because I don't care.
>Who knows, maybe she'll refer me to one of her friends in the future
She won't, she will let them read all of those texts.

Next appointment is in december? Let it bleed dry. Move on. Best of luck to you.

>>33957897
ok I'm this guy dropping a couple more advice because oh boy

>>33957913
basically this

> maybe she'll refer me to one of her friends
my man this is not the 1800 and you are not a rich aristocrat. yes having woman friends is a good way to meet other women but this is not what's happening here, she's telling you to back off.

> I just gotta looksmaxx
As I said looking better won't hurt but I think this situation tells us that mainly what you lack is social and emotional intelligence and that is by far the most important thing with women. Being in the top 0.001% of best looking men will make it easier for you, but being in the worst 80% of social intelligence will make it a nightmare. Women fall easily for scumbags who know what to say, but almost never for clueless good guys who know nothing about relationship dynamics. Thankfully foe you it's easier to learn about that than to stop being a scumbag, so do the work. You're a good guy and you seem to have a good attitude about this, good luck.

>>33957386
i wouldn't bring it up again with her. you'll be in her house, as a man, alone with her. she might think you are too pushy and in a private setting she might immediately think danger (think of all the stories of men not handling rejection well).
if the subject of dating comes up naturally, invent some story that relates to what you went through here (obviously keep the details different) and see how she responds to that and how it relates to her actions earlier.

>>33954583
>but I really just, don't understand this need to shoot yourself in the foot and lay down expectations like that, just deleting the possibility of something happening between us.
She actually did you a huge favour. There’s no ambiguity about the relationship now and you can adjust your expectations accordingly. Ideally, you should do this early in every relationship.

>>33957762
Yes, 44lb until normal weight.

>>33957897
>>33957913
I took the opportunity to ask her cuz she's a very reflective person, a big yapper like me, and very into these sorts of big talks. That's why we vibe well. So I took the opportunity to ask. I don't think it hurt her or put her off in any sort of way and it definitely helped me to understand better why she felt the need to reject me when it was just a hike.
About our meeting, we have another one on Monday, and during our chat she tried to set up an additional hike on December 6, but I am busy that day, so we will see each other at the concert.

I don't think a person who's put off by me will immediately try to set up another appointment to see me. She genuinely wants to stay friends and have hikes together. Will I take it? We'll see. That's up to me. But in general I let her know that I'm only available on weekends now, so I won't be skipping schoolwork days to hang out with her. If she was a gf or romantic interest this may have been different. But yeah, now she's just another nice person out in the world who I vibed with

To provide more context for people who don't believe me about being friends: since March I've made many friends who I hang out with regularly, 5 of them are female friends. The people I hang out with are people I genuinely enjoy - people with interest in deep talks, smart and kind people who care about me, 2 of my girl friends are psychologists and even give me relationship advice. I don't hang out with them simply because they are girls, but the fact that they are girls helps me to get over my fear of being around and interacting with girls who I find attractive.

I know I type very juvenile, but I'm just extremely honest with both myself and you because this is an anonymous forum. I'm learning, a lot. On how to be genuine & act the way I want to act & say the things I feel & picking the people who care about me.

But now - I've mainly learnt that looks play a huge role for women.

>>33957691
This reads like a conversation between two LLMs

>>33957928
Thank you, I appreciate your words. I do think that I have a lot of emotional intelligence, I just wasn't her guy that day. And I'm not feeling confident enough to flirt in the traditional sense, so you're right about that, but we did open up to each other very deeply sitting on a bench for an hour and speaking about our lives, and she told me she really appreciates our deep conversation and who I am as a person. On the surface, it felt very nice. It's not romantic interest, but she finds me genuinely interesting and appreciates me, same goes from me to her.

>>33957938
I won't bring it up again anymore, unless she does. We'll play the card game in her house, explore each other's feelings, have a good time. I feel like that's all nice to do. Especially with a certified vagina holder, even if she's not interested. So yeah.

>>33957946
Yeah, that's why I told her I appreciate it, because I do. Now I can do with that knowledge what I want, walk, stay, something in-between. Thanks man

>>33957962
If all you can imagine when reading text logs is LLM's you need to go outside more buddy

>>33957958
>But now - I've mainly learnt that looks play a huge role for women.
Dude? Have you looked on the streets. Lot's of not so great looking guys with hotties.

If that's all you've learnt, I advice you to read the advice here again.
Especially this guy's advice:
>>33957897

>>33957897
I'm still the same guy I'm autistic about this and want to say more things

>>33957386
> My friend suggested yesterday that I take this opportunity to ask her why she preemptively rejected me, when I go over to her place on Monday.
Absolutely garbage idea, especially seeing what you sent her in your second screenshot. You will come across as awkward, desperate, and pushy.

> The problem with asking her is that I feel like I put too much power into her hands
So you do get it! Yes! The 1st message she sent you was in fact a cold, dry, rejection, and you should not grovel for explanations because she is explicitly not even your friend! You have to learn to trust your guts or you will never understand women.

>>33957372
> there was no mention of this being a date
Dude a date is like having sex ideally you don't want to have to explicitly mention that it's happening or going to happen.

> She's the one who invited me on the hike in the first place, and she's the one who invited me to her house, to be there alone, together
Ok. Please read my 1st post. Knowing this information I can tell you with 99% certainty that you badly messed up something at some point.

> this is the most date non-date I've ever been on
Good job anon, you're almost coming to the conclusion that this was indeed a date.

> My friend suggested that maybe she said this because she wants to take it slow, but I really think this is just a rejection outright.
dude I'm sorry you're friend is probably great to play D&D with but he's a dumbass when it comes to girls. you are, obviously, right.

> Like some people said, she would have known if she wanted me
Yes, but, would YOU have known? the more I read the less I'm sure you would have seen the signs that she's into you.

> we did go into pretty deep emotional conversation on the hike and opened up to each other, and this was her follow up.
Yep. You fucked up. I'm sure of it now.

>>33957980
Sure, I appreciate it. It didn't hurt to ask, she still is trying to set up a third hike with me even now, I think she's just emotionally mature and capable of explaining herself. I don't think neither of us saw this as begging, it was an opportunity for me to get more information because I'm genuinely puzzled what it was. And her saying I'm not her type while saying how good of a company I am and setting up more hikes with me, is a pretty clear sign to me that she meant looks.

>>33957999
I appreciate your reply. I'm pretty sure I would have known. And yeah my friend was just trying to help, at the end of the day no harm was done, a no is the same no as it was both before and after I asked her. And she's still keen on seeing me. So now I just gotta decide if I want that or not. But romantic interest is surely dead and you know, that's okay. I would much rather have this certainty than to wonder, and because I genuinely enjoy her company I don't feel like I've wasted my time.
I just didn't like to be rejected when I never asked for anything

>>33958012
No my man, it's about your behavior.
Looks play a part only up to a point.
Listen to this man:
>>33957999
>>33957999
I'm out I wish you all the best honestly.
Stop overthinking, don't put women on a pedestal and stay away from the red pill pua stuff.
Just stop caring.

>>33957969
thanks for answering my big paragraphs. I stick with most of my advice but I understand that it might be a bit different than what I pictured, because you seem a bit clueless when you write and the 1st message she sent you was definitely downright rude. That is indeed interesting that she is still actively inviting you to stuff.

So, after having read everything including your answer, there is one thing that sticks out. you don't invite someone of the gender you are attracted towards at your place to play alone a question game if you don't have romantic or at least sexual interest in them. If this happens, there is something you are not understanding, and she is most likely using you. I say most likely because, realistically it is most likely, but I don't know. What do you think?

>>33957969
> I do think that I have a lot of emotional intelligence
I appreciate that, but emotional intelligence without a layer of pride / social intelligence / relationship dynamics knowledge makes you readable like a book and easy to manipulate. By women especially, because they are usually smarter than men in these topics. I know it from personnal experience.

Manipulation is most often not a bad person forcing you to do bad stuff. 99% of the time, it is about a normal person that just knows instinctively what she needs to say to get you to help them, and here you might be at risk of that.

So yeah I understand I was wrong on some stuff but there is still something unclear about this whole story.

big posts guy here

>>33958012
No shade on your friend, men are absolutely clueless when it comes to relationships. There is basically the men who believe that women are whores who only care about money and looks, and the men who think women are men with vaginas. Both those perspectives are useless, and I wish we taught relationship dynamics in school because it is dramatically unknown and one of the most useful skills you can have. By the way, since you talked about it, be sceptical of advice given by women psychologists. The reality is, women and men have different interests when it comes to relationships, and the people who don't realize that might give you terrible advice. While men can also be dumb, at least they know what it is to be a man. Of course not saying women are incapable of giving good advice but do your own research (I recommend dr. Kirk Honda). moving on.

> I just didn't like to be rejected when I never asked for anything
again, I want to validate that yes, that was rude. The normal thing after such a message would be to cancel the meeting at her place, or to invite someone else so you are not alone. If these things dont happen then be wary, because you are in a strange situation.

In the end, I would recommend you go along with this girl because you will learn something about all this. It might hurt though. So, be very careful my friend, don't get used, and don't cancel other opportunities of any nature for this girl.

>>33958038
Yeah... I agree with you dude. Great point. Same thing that my friend said, it's pretty weird that she's inviting me to be alone in her house (she lives alone in the middle of the forest) and play a card game.
My friend keeps joking that if he doesn't hear from me again he knows who to go after.
Am I gonna end up playing a game of inscryption with her?? xD (if you know the game you know what I mean)

I also don't get it. In my mind's eye - I was hanging out with a nice girl, no expectations but open to something happening. I thought - I will go to her house, we see how we feel, maybe something develops, maybe we just remain friends, but in any case the ambiguity was nice and that's why I said that I felt like she's shooting herself (and me) in the foot. And killing something before it even started, by writing all this to me. And I can assure you I did NOTHING weird. I'm very conscious about doing what feels right for both of us in the moment.
Thing is, she understands this herself, and like she says - she trusts her gut enough to know that she won't like me romantically. So much so that she makes sure to mention it. She told me that she wants me to know that nothing is wrong with me. Cool words, it's about as much of an answer as I can get out of her and I'm satisfied.
Plenty of people can like me or dislike me for various reasons, I feel like there's not much else I can do, I love being me. I love being genuine. I don't like playing games. If a girl wants to play games - then that's just not my girl.
In this case, I'm taking her at face value. She wants friendship only. She'll get friendship only.
And if I enjoy her, the friendship will continue, and if not, I'll let it die.
Thanks again for everything brother, I'll remain puzzled about this meeting but still enjoy it. Who knows right? Who knows. Historically I can only keep up a friendship with someone I'm not incredibly attracted to. So it must mean she isn't attracted to me.

>>33958082
>again, I want to validate that yes, that was rude. The normal thing after such a message would be to cancel the meeting at her place, or to invite someone else so you are not alone. If these things dont happen then be wary, because you are in a strange situation.
>In the end, I would recommend you go along with this girl because you will learn something about all this. It might hurt though. So, be very careful my friend, don't get used, and don't cancel other opportunities of any nature for this girl.
Cheers man. I appreciate all the help.
I won't cancel anything more for her or go out of my way for her. I'm really wondering how the time at her house will go, but one thing I learned is to take people at face value. And to be explicit, rather than implicit. She's being explicit right now. Maybe that's why a lot of my messages read like I don't know about social dynamics to you - because I'm so straightforward. But we're both very straightforward people. I like that better than having to wonder.
So at least now I know that my Monday meeting is friendship and nothing more, there's that.
Still a hangout with a nice girl though, so might be cool. I just don't want her to talk to me about boys, if she does that I'll stop talking to her lol

>>33958098
>>33958087
Cheers to you man. I'm constantly thinking about those things and like to write about it.

>>33958087
The best case scenario is that you'll be her "gay" best friend. I've been there, and as you are already guessing, I got annoyed to hear her talk about how she was getting railed every night by a different man and how she was secretly shameful for it (I am not exaggerating).

As you say, getting rejected is not really about who you are, and it's kind of useless knowing why exactly one girl was not into you. Its more about what values you are projecting. I can explain if you want.

> I don't like playing games. If a girl wants to play games - then that's just not my girl.
It's a good attitude, but we aware that what you consider "playing game" might just be considered normal communication by other people. It is not playing games to understand that communicating is not only about the words being said, its about how, when, and by who they were said.

I didn't get the joke but good talk ;)

>>33958131
I appreciate you, that sounds terrible. I'll never let myself stay in that position, if she starts talking to me about boys I'm gonna be out of there hella fast.

Good talk indeed. Well, what I mean by playing games is friending someone, and knowing they want you, telling them you aren't interested and seeing that they still like you and staying friends with them. Those types of girls are just evil manipulative beings who put their own needs above the mental health of the guy.
I'm in control of my life, I won't let myself get to that situation.
Girl is getting my Monday and most likely past that we won't see each other anymore.

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>>33954583
she's not attracted to you

>maybe one of her friends will want me
wtf man, come on. you have to be convinced you're the fucking prize. this screams low self-esteem.
>maybe she has a single friend good enough for me
is what you should say.

anyway, ask her asap, and then go low/no contact. this kind or 'friendship' will cloud your judgement and will probably prevent you or make you less inclined to approach other women (risk of oneitis)

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>>33954583

>>33958171
I appreciate it dude.
Well after Monday I probably won't see her anymore.
I took offense to her telling me she's not into me.
I do appreciate her being straightforward and clear and communicative, but I really enjoyed the ambiguity of not knowing if we're building towards something or not. Now she broke the fun part. So... Idk if I'll continue with her. I'm really not into friend zone.

If you're not Chad it's over

>>33954583
tell that wishy washy cunt to take a hike and stop fraternizing with women who don't fuck you.

>>33958251
this nigga, and lose some weight. It's easy as shit

Friendzone her and it will pay off. Just trust me on this.

>>33956604
You know very well he's got to talk like that you faggot cum guzzler

>>33957962
I'm not convinced it isn't

>>33954583
You're unattractive and type like a homo

OP here, thanks for everyone who's replying.
So yeah, we're seeing each other Monday still, that's the only time we'll see each other as friends again, then we'll see each other during our shared concert and during my personal concert. She tried to set up another appointment, but I had no availability.

I now notice, several days after the situation, that I took this whole situation really hard for some reason. I think it really fucked me up.
I had a great time and then got rejected preemptively and I did not like it. I don't like feeling this way, like I'm unattractive, or good only for friendship. I'm going to up my efforts to lose weight because I'm so done with this. I'll be strong, I can't take this anymore, I feel like I'm gonna fucking implode with the amount of time I have to wait to get a gf, I do GREAT efforts to meet new girls and I hang out with new girls on the weekly. That's why it's so frustrating because I'm literally doing my best and it's not good enough.
My only next thing is to start going to parties by myself, and to music dance festivals by myself, and just get dancing like a fucking fool until shit happens. Alcohol and the social setting could really help the availability of the girls.
I just hate being alone so fucking much, and I'm starting to feel repulsive almost. Confidence is tanking. I want to be better.

>>33954583
She just doesn't want you. Tell her you want a girlfriend, so you won't meet her again. You come off like a faggot, dude, that's why she doesn't like you. If you have female friends then she will interpret you as a flaming homo.
If a girl likes you, you can immediately progress with her. My last two girlfriends started going out with me the day that I met them. Meanwhile I've known other girls for wees or months and got rejected.

>>33960575
>I now notice, several days after the situation, that I took this whole situation really hard for some reason.

No shit.

You're putting the pussy on a pedestal, dude. Being with a chick isn't as great as your demented imagination is leading you to believe. They aren't goddesses and they shouldn't be the main focus of your life. Living like that will make you freak out and overthink every interaction you have with a female. It's self sabotage. This chick could smell your insane desperation from a mile away, and took care to establish boundaries.

>I just hate being alone so fucking much

Everyone is alone dude. You think pussy will change that? Relationships aren't happily ever after. Stop putting all the weight of the world onto whether or not you can pull chicks. It's not that serious.

Your behavior is really strange and disturbing btw. It's weird how you can't see what everyone here has been pointing out. You're acting sycophantic and like a gay best friend in your exchanges with this chick, while simultaneously experiencing a days long crash out on 4chan over why she doesn't like you. This is the problem.

>>33960575
Show her this thread, anon. When she sees how much you obsess over her, she's bound to respect you.

>>33960575
Poster from yesterday here.

Can you share your age and how many relationship you've been in before, including short term?

What you say about putting so much efforts, I have heard it verbatim from many of my friends.

If you are not successful with girls, it is not because of what you are, it is because what you do and a luck factor. Absolute garbage people get laid and into relationships all the time, actually much more easily than good people. When it's not working, it's because you are doing something wrong or not meeting enough girls (the luck factor). Simple as.

There is 3 categories of things that make you attractive (it is a useful simplification):
- Body image
Your face, hair, your posture and weight (do sports), your height, your hygiene (wearing clean clothes, taking 1 shower and brushing your teeth 2 a day), how you dress (have a style that fits an archetype)
- Your wealth
External signs of wealth (big car mainly), how you dress (solid dark colors and quality fabrics), hobbies (sailing, tennis...), cultural wealth (food culture and cooking, being proficient at 1 rich people hobby like playing piano), owning you place, and actually making money (least important because it's not visible)
- Social status
Your pecking order in the room mainly (are people trying to talk to you, are you organizing the event), but also career achievements (boss of something, mayor, professor, of course varies with who you're trying to impress), your number of friends and connections, and basically what people say when you are not in the room.

As you see, in each category there is things that are hard or impossible to change, and things you can easily work on. If you are doing better than average in all 3 of those factors (and ideally have 1 in which you are at the top) and meet girls regularly, you will inevitably have success. Anything else you are doing is cope. Maxing one factor within one category (like trying to have the biggest muscles) is also cope.