Might sound crazy but for years I’ve been in a variety of relationships, and in all the more love I feel for them the more I despise them, like I really loved this person but for some reason I also hated them so much I daydreamed to punch them I kinda started understanding the more I love the more I “hate” (??) cuz this doesn’t happen with random strangers or common friends, kinda happens in close friends but the people I love the most (close family) are the most constant ones The more I love it seems the more I hate in a way of harm, not sadistic or smt such but like harm physically, share hate words, etc I don’t really feel guilt of thinking about it, I would never harm another individual as such, no one really, but it’s so persistent it’s annoying and sum times ruins my relationships My best example might be my mother, I deeply love her but I’ve thought so much about harming her so bad she doesn’t wake up, and I know I won’t but it’s deeply annoying spending time with her and that random thought appearing I haven’t talked directly about this with my psychologist because I’m ashamed to talk about it and I’m on neurodivergence tests Honestly I want to understand what it might be, or at least how to control it I’m nowhere near violent, I can consider myself chill and it’s difficult to make me angry, but this hate keeps growing It has made me kinda isolated because I don’t like to think about someone I might love in that wayI don’t want to hate the ones I loveI know 4chan is not the best place to ask but Reddit mods keep removing my posts because it’s a “hate” message and I guess it kinda is but like
>>35095159You should mention it to the psychologist but also, are you sure this isn't an articulation issue with your emotions? Like you might be using these ideas as vechicles to describe forms of anger or destain, frustration, hate that you are growing into through the definition that loving provides.
