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long story short i lived through a past life of being raped and tortured by elites or world leaders or something during a 2017 grand dissociation fugue state experience and honestly it was over by then already lmao

my whole life was just subsumed by dark shit and i swear i have actual chronic fatigue syndrome now

the whole
>nothing is really coincidence
thing

it's kinda fucked to think about

>>945561524
Hi, so happy to see you! It definitely takes some sisu to survive this shit. I had hard time getting out of bed, but I did so I could look if you have posted anything. I'm in kinda similar situation, minus the delirium trip, which sounds like something nightshades can cause. I have bittersweet nightshade on my yard, which can do that and even kill you with enough berries.
I'm the guy who sent you emails, but I don't know, if you still use them or just ignored me, which is fine. I just wish everything best for you even though the present is almost intolerable.

i mean, idk.
this place is a deadend.
there's just no escaping this life situation and this geolocation.

it's really just so elaborate especially with how visa immigration systems to NA work (it's a big task even for well-off normies)

and how there's no jobs in finland the situation is the worst in europe. the weather climate is absolutely brutal 24/7 30C daylight in summer and perpetual darkness in winter -30C

it's all just so stacked as fuck especially since there's just no real help from anyone anywhere whatsoever.

oh yea the private ophthalmologist (started when i was 10) (cuz going to oulu every 2 weeks back then was too much KELA covered it back then) her last name literally translates to "board man" in english as in literally imageboard lol and i have this vague weird memory of sitting in that weird ophthalmology chair and my mom asking her or saying that "i thought women weren't allowed to be freemasons" IDK lol there's so much schizo shit i grew up surrounded by constant schizo shit

i even went to speech therapy between ages 2 and 4 for 2 whole years too cuz my speech was all garbled for some reason.

>>945561718
It sure is hopeless, but couldn't you rent a place or some old house from somewhere else, maybe near Kajaani or Kuopio? Put everything into music or some studies. I guess I'm trying to stop you ending up like me in 4 years. But I still have some little hope mostly from my parents.
The healthcare system is totally useless, better just trying to find one good friend to understand.

>>945561916
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that as a child. So many parents blindly believe doctors and let them do horrible stuff to kids in the name of science.

so 2017 was when i moved out to helsinki for university, majoring in physics. looking back it was pretty clear my psyche was cracking majorly and then in november 2017 i experienced all that reality breaking down stuff with experiencing severe flashbacks to past lives i guess and didnt sleep for days and then just wandered across the city to the airport mentally wiped and constantly reliving and witnessing things

then i spent 3 months in various psych wards didnt sleep for like the first 2 weeks.

then i didnt have much option but to move back to this town. i mean i did move to joensuu to major in biology at university of eastern finland. however as i started my first semester epstein got arrested and then corona began. and in general i felt very depressed and unable to go out anyway because of feeling like a tranny freak which kinda hindered everything anyway. so that kinda didnt work out either and i now have like $15k of student debt cuz you're required to take on debt unless you work like full-time throughout your education

and then i spent practically all of 2018-2021 monitoring gore, cutting, self-harm, necro, serial killer, torture etc. threads on 4chan and acquiring links to websites dedicated to such things and constantly thinking about the whole crime network what people go through.

not because i was into it. but rather because i felt like i had run into a guy who was well-connected and i might be in danger tho ofc no one would ever believe me and i was lonely and had too much guilt to stop interacting.

2022 was a nice year

2023 hell broke loose. my fault honestly but honestly it feels like i've defused my most feared scenarios by doing so or just made them worse via quantum reinforcement or something fuck you archons niggers

idk what to say all this shit is just fucked up especially since i became a poltard around 2020 because of corona and ever since i became educated on world matters and it's really quite crazy all of it

>>945562217
Definitely not a good combination for your psyche, isolation and reading all these sick threads. Covid definitely fucked up everything completely. I had some plans for old friends to come over and record some music, but that all failed. And people got so easily tricked to hating and policing each other. I was guite aware of world politics before, but covid definitely made it deeper, just sitting at home trying to find any info about anything.

>>945562571
seriously, when i got out of the psych ward in 2018
tiktok had appeared in the world. i never understood tiktok. the world felt changed then already.

the algorithmic takeover of the world and people's minds.

this world has definitely taken a kind of dive imo. it's insanity

>>945562217
I wish I had someone like you to talk about all this crazy stuff going on in the world, because here it's hard with trolls and bots etc. I like your honesty.

>>945561524
Hey Fintranny. Every minute you spend here, is minutes you could of spent fixing your situation.
Fuck off and leave, faggot.

>>945561524
Stop posting.

>>945562645
I never got into tiktok, but now even my parents use it, because my little sister and brother showed it to them. I saw it already in 2015 with people using phones more than interacting with each other at times. I deleted my instagram back in 2013 too. I just prefer old tech, even though I'm pathethic internet addict.

>>945562782
no
this is a cursed timeline
>>945561960
i suppose it's possible. honestly i avoided moving out to a city to be alone because i was afraid of being abducted when living alone. that's one reason why i never moved out again. that was one big reason.

>>945562691
in general i don't think people were made to be able to handle this level of information flow.

>>945563177
I totally understand not being alone, would be fun to rent a rehearsal place to live in and play together.
I think they flood people with so much contradicting information on purpose to break them or to keep them digging their heels even deeper into their "side". Most people can't handle it and just blindly follow authority.

Hey man, shut the fuck up. We all have problems and you spam this shit every single fucking day. Get mental help because you need it

>>945563408
He needs a friend and a hug.

>>945563462
He needs to shut the fuck up, stop spamming this nonsense, and get mental help

>>945563308
yeah, dunno what to make of it. schizophrenia just feels like the logical outcome. schizophrenia is reality.

my whole being is subsumed by this dark evil shit and idk what to make of the whole BDSM thing could it be i'm just cursed or i was hardcoded to end up a certain way but my general location away from the world just softlocked the entire progression but at what cost? i was turned on by bondage as early as i can remember long before i even started school

it's insane all of it

>>945563551
You seem way more mentally stable than most people who believe the tv and papers every day.
Tbh I think you want and need love and warmth, but you were denied, so you ended up looking for something to feel. At least it was somewhat like that for me. But my mind was fucked up by a friend and his older brother showing me porn as a 6-year old and making us do sex positions.

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hate and love fight with burning hearts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MUE3AXIiXc

so do fear and arousal really

no surprises honestly this bdsm stuff and all.

its logical and makes sense

>>945563754
>You seem way more mentally stable than most people who believe the tv and papers every day.
i mean, i just have my own convictions and i'm well educated on matters going on with the world and i'm just in general smart enough to see patterns.
>Tbh I think you want and need love and warmth, but you were denied, so you ended up looking for something to feel.
maybe. but fundamentally i feel like i'm tied up. when i was a kid i'd often wake up from sleep and be in this semi-awake state and i'd feel these ropes, wires winding tightly around me. time speeding up. feeling like death.

sorry to hear your experiences, that's what they tend to be like. i understand.

>>945563551
it looks like you're in or close to a psychotic episode. you need professional help and a solid support structure, not an image board to trauma bond over. wishing you the best.
>>945563754
you're not helping by enabling the delusions. there's a difference between showing kindness, warmth and compassion and actively encouraging and validating the harmful psychotic symptoms. if you're sincere, don't continue this.

>>945564087
>it looks like you're in or close to a psychotic episode. you need professional help and a solid support structure, not an image board to trauma bond over. wishing you the best.
yeah i get what you're saying but you're a little late on that by like 10 years.

there's a reason getting to canada was so big for me. my friends were from there and idk, i wasnt fucked up yet.

>>945563865
That's one of my favorite Killing Joke songs! I was gonna listen to it the other day, but felt so down that it might have made me cry, but now I will listen to it! Thank you for reminding.
But this full version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXkbVtrBrsM

Your own convictions are really important and differentiates us from the blind masses that sway to either side.
Logical explanation to your feelings sound something like sleep paralysis, but I can't explain what that is. I had some horrible false awakenings back in 2015 and it brought back the weird feelings I had as child seeing weird dreams and feeling derealization before falling asleep.

>>945564141
it's never too late and judging by your pictures, you're still quite young.
i'm not gonna lie, it's hard work to heal and there will be setbacks, but the only way you can make sure you're not getting better is to give up trying.

you can feel warm again.

as fucked up it sounds it feels like i'd feel better if i were actually locked up in a basement in some fucking torture rape facility

idk, it feels cathartic in a way i cant explain. it feels like freedom in some paradoxical way. i just wanna be tied up not because it turns me on but because it feels right for some reason

my soul is just a certain way

>>945561524
if I was visiting finland, and asked to meet you as I passed through purely to punch you and spin on you before leaving, would you accept?

I may be visiting finland soon and your posting pisses me off so much

>>945564422
*spit on you
apologies, I'm retarded

>>945564372
not really paradoxical - you wish to be in a position where you're not responsible for your own actions anymore. by losing all control, you also lose all accountability and you can't be blamed for anything either. it's a common trauma response, but it's also not real.
because you can still decide and take responsibility over some things in your life. that's scary, but it's also the way out of the helplessness you might feel right now.

>>945564372
It just sounds like you long for touch and connection so much that you are willing to give yourself away to get it. Your soul has been through a lot, but it can be healed.

>>945564499
i understand that, but i genuinely just feel out of breath i somatically kinda just feel these things taking place.
>>945564515
yeah its exactly like the blue oyster cult veteran of psychic wars i'm exhausted and tired as fuck right now out of breath it hasnt even been more than 3 months since my latest reality breakdown event which was a continuation of the 2017 thing.

>>945564770
What happened last time?

>>945561524
Tik tock, Fintranny. Get out of here. Quit wasting time. It's running out and you keep wasting it!

>>945564864
idk, i'm tired. weird temporal echoes of eastern european human trafficking that's about it.