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>>7101058
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>>7101058
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>>7101060
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>>7101062
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>>7101065
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>>7101066
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>>7101067
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>>7101075
Page 14
The final page, first of all I hope you all enjoy it (because that's my first aim and why I'm drawing, just to make people happy)
And I'll be grateful for all of your advices
Don't go easy on me
Because I want to become better
And thank you again

well done for finishing something, but it doesn't flow too well. I didn't know which way to read it until page 10

First of all, this belongs in /mmg/ >>7095889

Your comic is not bad. It gives heavy Tsukumizu vibes, and has a similarly rudimentary art style. The scenario is a bit generic, but I think it works for what it is. Overall, I do think this is a step in the right direction to improving, and good on you for actually making and posting it.

>>7101058
I know you know theres room for drawing improvement such as perspective consistency, and finding ways to reduce moire. The theme is a bit mysterious but overall the depiction of emotion is strong. Good work

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>>7101097
I see, you mean I need to work more on captivating the reader attention by good story and art flow
Thank you for telling me that
>>7101100
Thank you, I love tsukumizu art style and work,(Tugeneko, shinzo Keigo and Nanashi too, I always study their work) that's my aim, stylized work + good scenario and to reach a level of aesthetically pleasing art is a challenge but it still something fascinating if done well
Thank you anon, appreciated
>>7101101
Thank you for the great advice and pin pointing what I need to improve
To be honest, I still lack in body proportions (my next subject to study), perspective and folds
For now before starting in that, I'm doing a revision of anatomy and body parts and how to stylize them from real life (I'm still in the head)
Here's some studies from toshi books

>>7101120
I definitely think you are on the right track and have the right mindset. If you are fond of the style that you are drawing in, thats great and so you should work on refining and improving it until you reach a level you are satisfied with. You avoided the common beginner trap of waiting until they were "good enough" to start a comic, so that already puts you ahead of the curve.
You've got this anon.

>>7101058
The atmosphere and setting are pretty nice, but the pacing in the beginning feels somewhat unnecessarily slow

I don't fully understand the ending, what is the relationship between the two guys and why did the hooded guy had to spend all that time cultivating a garden before showing himself and being reunited?

The perspective is bad throughout the work, and it's the most noticeable art mistake

>>7101125
Thank you, I will keep practicing keeping in mind all the great advices and I'll post my progress whenever I can and I'm always like I've said grateful for your help anons
>>7101130
I see, thank you for telling me that
I guess my try to build a feel in the beginning come up slow, I need to fix that for sure in upcoming works and try to give more details in a faster more efficient way (I'm really bad at writing)
Perspective, I need to work more on that too since I'm bad at that which is something very important too
Thank you again anon for the advice and showing me my weakness appreciated

Good Stuff Anon. You're doing good but you should increase the quality of the artwork imo. The art is not bad. It's like at a B+ level. Some panes are well done but others are mid. Like the shoes. If you just work on that I think you'll be fine as everything else was great. I really enjoyed reading this.

>>7101058
it may be rough around the edges, but your skills are clearly headed in the right direction and it has a lot of soul. i think with time you could develop a distinctive style that's true to your inspirations. anywhere i can follow your work?

>>7101058
your shovel switched sides on the backpack.
>>7101059
>>7101066
>>7101072
overall youre on the right track however when making a comic without words, youre going to have to focus on your body language more panel out action and reaction between objects. One, hes shoveling, but its not clear what.
>>7101066
here. hes watering the garden. but the first panel is so disconnected from interacting with anything that it feels disjointed. 4th panel, his hands are flat on the ground, i can only assume he planted something, but it again, it doesnt look natural and the jump cut to it makes it look disjointed. you could get away with it if you drew a motion of moving dirt over something specific otherwise it seems out of place.
>>7101067
I couldnt tell the bird is what caught his suprise and if that is what happened. If so, you could easily fix it by having his head look up at it in the last panel.
>>7101071
this ones a good example of action amd reaction when not using words.
>>7101072
then here, its disjointed again. I get that hes guardening and days are going by, but you need better camera positions and environmental interactions because all i see is a guy holding farm equipment. Also the perspective. The tree is overlapping on top of him but going behind him. Then the days going by. Were reading right to left but the numbers dont ascend in order well in either direction and the calender hanging was easily missed and doesnt flow well with the passage of time with the flowers growing. You could make it 4 panels by having the calender be the first panel on the right with the numbers moving to the panels on the left for better flow, and readability.

overall, the mangas fine, but youre lacking a lot of connections between things and actions.

I took way too long to realise it's read as right to left

>>7101215
Happy that you liked it anon, I will work more on details in every panel in upcoming works
>>7101228
Thank you anon, I will work on developing my skills in future works
Here's my Twitter and Instagram handler "reitarubi" Or we can be Facebook friends "leith talbi"
>>7101352
The best reply I've got so far
I really I'm thankful to your time and pointing my mistakes, I wish I've had you or people like you as editors so they can review my manuscript and sketches
I've already Screenshoted your reply and I will keep it in mind
Thank you again

>>7101478
Sorry anon
Is the panels hard or misleading to understand ?

nothing special in your work, lack of perspective and some panels are average and the others are down bad but with practice you'll get even better
Just keep on drawing and posting your work you will get somewhere eventually

>>7101058
you should add more white to the focal points in your panels. everything is gray on gray and looks kind of muddy.

bretty nice
I didn't mind the lack of perspective (there are surely more important things for comics than good perspective)
the things that bothered me were the lack of reference material for some of the objects (the tank in particular) and the Deviantart-style, middleschooler symbol drawing 'anime' eyes that so many people do

>>7105109
Thank you for the advice anon I will keep working on it and practice and study more about perspective
>>7105174
That's my problem as many mentioned, I will study more comic references and fix that in upcoming works, thank you anon for mentioning that
>>7105192
Thank you anon for pin pointing that, I will use references for objects I can't draw and avoid symbol drawing, also I'll try to stylize more the face features so it doesn't come soo common and boring

I rate it 4/10, I've had a good time going through it though
You can do better, GMI

Good try for an absolute /beg/ tier
You're now considered better than 20% of the comic posted here but a long road awaits you kid

Lack of perspective
Lack of folds
Lack of logical lighting and shades
Lack of panelling
Lack of storytelling
But despite all of that it's an acceptable work that is enjoyable to look at it reminds me of Shoujo Shuumatsu Ryokou

Comic direction was confusing by the shit was and art was pleasant enough. Good work anon. Story was pleasant.

>>7101058
This is my opinion and my view of your comic so don't take it too much seriously.

I start with positives and what i like about it.
+Panel work it's good and i like how you even break it sometimes and it goes out of it if you don't overdo it can stay like it.
+Like the setting in the comics looks like post apo which is always hard to do and even harder to put on paper.
+Story without saying a word is a rare but it's nice to see.

Now i go to negatives or things that could be improved.

Drawings you should put more effort into volume in your objects and more perspective. It doesn't have to be overdone when it comes to perspective but with 2 point you should be perfectly capable of constructing a lot of your future shots so if you are going to work on next project this is something you should train.
When it comes to volume lot of objects need more depth.

Post apo theme don't worry and use more dark tones and shadows it's best in scenarios like this. It makes things look more depressing and standout.

Anything then that pretty good job i think.

There's an excessive use of screentones that created an effect of moire

>>7107334
Thank you for your rating anon I'll keep it in mind
>>7109465
Thank you, but It's not a competition for me to prove myself better than anyone, I'm competitive don't get me wrong but I focus more on enjoying the process and having fun
>>7111284
I'll keep those in mind, thank you for pointing out my lacking anon I really appreciate it
>>7111298
Thank you anon, happy that you found the story pleasant, I'll try to improve the comic directions in upcoming works
>>7111305
Thank you anon for the great points and criticism especially noting the pros and cons of the work, I already screen shoted your reply, thank you again for your time
>>7112468
I'll try to reduce the use next time
Thx anon for the advice

>>7101058
Looks good and soulful, there’s room to improvement

>>7114360
You have the hardest part figured out, which is the artistic one.
Now just read books that teach you how to draw comics so that you learn how to make scenes flow better and how to switch from scene to another

My 6 y.o daughter liked it so much
Nice work anon, I stopped drawing long time ago but I appreciate people doing art from time to time

>>7101058
your panel layout is confusing, you will probably improve after 5 more of this kind of proejct

Nice work anon for a first timer
Need more practice though
Good luck

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>>7101058
Using so many greyscale colors is overkill for the kind of shading you are doing. Either limit the number of shades even more, or learn to do smooth shading instead.

My only advice for you is :
PRACTICE MORE

That's a new genre of doodle manga
Kids will go crazy for this kind of art style

>>7101059
This page feels a bit disjointed, like I feel with better composition it would help the reader understand they dug up the item from the rubble and packed it away.
>>7101071
I like this page the most, not sure why.

Overall my critic would be that the panels are too close to the subject in the scenes that want to depict actions like digging, gardening and climbing so we don't have a very good idea how big or far away things are or get to see body language. we needed more panels like
>>7101060, especially when the protagonist returned from the city or here at >>7101074 show just how big the garden is.

>>7114360
Thank you anon, I'll keep improving and happy that you liked it
>>7114368
That's important, I guess many pointed that out, I need to study how to make the story flow better and strength my writing, thank you for reminding me of that
>>7116365
Glad that your daughter liked it and thank you for appreciating my work anon (I wish you come back to drawing too)
>>7116380
Thank you for pointing that out, I'll keep working on bettering it
>>7118270
Thank you
>>7118288
That's a problem I'm having too, I'm kinda lost in using screentones and I'm having lot of moire
I'll try to read books about shading and conveying light in a logical way
Thank you for the advice
>>7119695
That's a great and the most important advice thank you for reminding me
>>7121087
Maybe, I like doing some comic for kids in the future, but my problem is that I don't have lot of stories (I'm a bad writer)
>>7121151
Thank you anon for your great observation and criticism of my work
I already screenshoted your reply and I'll fix those things in upcoming works
It's really great to find those kind of replies it really helps me out greatly

>>7101076
>>7101058
It's a cute story anon, I get the gist of what you're trying to show but you need to work on paneling and flow, I can't tell if I'm supposed to read left to right or the other way around. Try reading a bit of AkiraToriyama, and it'll give you a better idea of creating panels that are easier to read through in terms of intuitively knowing where to lead the viewers eyes and how to create in between panels that make the order obvious

One comic I would recommend to you is "The Horizon" by JH, as it deals with similar subjects of surviving in a broken down world and also has a great sense of flow.

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>>7101058
I don't know much about making comic books but your hatching is loose and very rushed. It also lacks direction in a lot of places. On page 8 >>7101067 you've clearly tried to use hatching to imply the shape and bumpy surface of the tree in the last panel, but in the very same panel the hatching on the main character's cloak is very sloppy. It looks as though you quickly rushed through it and ended up with this vaguely hairy effect because of the short, bent strokes applied here and there unevenly, regardess of the shape of the form underneath.
I have no idea who Tsukumizu is, so I googled them to see if this was a look you were maybe specifically going for, and it kinda is? Pic related looks good, and while the hatching is indeed messy, you can tell right away it's much tighter and more uniform. There are just simply more lines, and their uniform direction creates an effect which clearly indicates the shape of the pipes and which way they're orientated. The fact that there's really only one shade of grey in the image also helps. The rest of the variation in value is created entirely using hatching (the small object of the far-left notwithstanding).

My advice would be to slow down a lot when hatching. The process itself is boring as fuck, but the end result is really exiting. When hatching something you could try deliberately drawing only one line every second or some other such exercise, and see just how closely and evenly you can possibly draw the lines. For me it required a shift in attitude, and learning to enjoy the fact that you can't do it well quickly. The slower you do it the more time you also have to realize if you're making mistakes.

>>7123671
The horizon I've read that, it's really good, I'll try to learn about dynamic panelling to make more interesting work in the future thx anon for pointing that
>>7123790
I'm really bad at hatching and cross hatching, I'm planning to study it after folds and proportions and also thank you anon for explaining and even posting a reference that I can understand more my mistakes, I will practice more to make it even better in the upcoming works

My friends enjoyed your comic we had a good laugh going through it

OP you have plenty of good advices
Now just go draw

I suggest you copy your favorite comic artist work to speed up your learning process

Anon
Don't listen to advices here
Most of them are misleading just to destroy your potential
Run away

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>>7123671
I agree with this anon. The panel with the sprouts growing inside the grenades was a good touch and I like how you portrayed the main character's loneliness and trauma, but it's hard to tell what panels I should read first. I think it would be better to draw LESS in this case. Focus on larger panels for scale and atmosphere and fewer gray tones as well. Making the contrast between foreground and background stronger would help the readability a lot. Akira has good examples of this. The art is intricate but it's quite legible.

Your work is acceptable
But you're far away from publishing
You need even more work and dedication

I see potential but you're way far from the level of published comic artist I see them around

التوانسة اللي بيحبوا الانمي

First time seeing a /mid/ drawing a comic
Good job

>>7133931
He's tunisian?

>>7136618
If you did a little research you'll find that he is from that country dumbass

>>7138538
>>7136618
>>7133931
Why caring for where he's from?
He just asked for advices or criticism to his comic

>>7101075
Try to use different dynamic poses in your panels
Because this page look stiff

NGMI

>>7144167
PYW

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>>7144193

>>7145405
NGMI!!!

I'll echo what some of the other anons are saying in that the flow of panels is hard to discern as for the "story" aspect of it, it's a bit on the nose for an anti-war story.

>>7145481
OP is a fag and can't even draw
If he can as he says
I challenge him to draw a nekomusume even just the face

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>>7147274
Here's your gift
I hope you like it

>>7148384
OP did it
he's a mad lad
One crab is killed successfully

>>7148384
Cute

>>7147274
Fag

>>7148384
A rare W move

>>7147274
Pyw

>>7148384
That's the ugliest, most /beg/ level drawing that actually made me puke
OP you fag and can't even draw
Also thank you for the free shit

>>7155834
Typical crab response

>>7155834
Fag

>>7148384
I see potential
But try to draw the whole body next time

>>7155834
Seethe and cope

>>7148384
That's really cute OP (also followed you already)

>>7148384
How nice from you really
You humbled the crab

>>7145405
Pyw

too much screen tone

>>7101058
The background look so flat

>>7101075
You rushed the work here
Like someone to wrap it up quickly
Put more effort in it

Some panels are great
And the others are kinda flat
Try to maintain the same level of details in every panels

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Since I follow the OP
He posted this today with this caption :
"Today is my birthday
I'm always trying to develop my skills in drawing so I can make people happy and in the same time to express a feeling or opinions
That's why to celebrate this occasion, here's a drawing of a girl holding a slice of watermelon


#freepalestine"

>>7169708
Happy birthday OP

>>7169708
>#freepalestine"

back to r.ddit faggot

>>7170387
>Kike detected
At least wish for the OP a happy birthday or stfu

the art is good enough give me a captivating story id enjoy it

>>7169708
>Would
Happy birthday

>>7171406
You really liked his art
He still a casual /beg/
Nothing special

>>7105109
God i hate people like this

There is something special about the fact anon actually finished a multi page comic and its pleasant on the eyes. Have you done anything worth a thread?

>>7101058
i loved it anon, youve inspired me, wagmi

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>>7101058
The first few panels have really nice & detailed backgrounds that have a sense of depth and volume, look at how you did the first page in particular and how you balanced tones to guide the viewers eye, its really well done there but absent in a lot of the later pages.

In short you really need to spend more time on STORYBOARDING, make sure that each page has a "line" like this, you don't need to physically draw it but make sure that every page has a "direction" that the viewers eye can follow.

Every mangaka you mentioned has this element of direction baked in their work, look at how they panel things and try to incorporate it in your storyboard.
I'd love to see more of you work sometime, keep at it.

OP is a tunisian fag that can't even draw
I repeat
OP is a tunisian fag that can't even draw

>>7175873
jealousy is so pathetic, why are you mad that he got a lot of appreciation for at least putting in the work and completing a comic

>>7175873
PYW slopfuck

>>7175873
Crab
Pyw

>>7177611
>>7176392
>>7176301
Why defending OP
He's a loser
And finally kys

>>7178866
How pathetic

>>7169708
>Head floating around
>illogical hands gestures
NGMI

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It would improve with a more straight and geometrical approach to lines in the style of ohuton, also don't shade by drawing random lines in the same direction, use them to convey the form

Keep up the good work anon
Don't listen to crabs here and just draw

>>7101058
its good enough
cut back on the anime though, its cringe seeing you whiteboys trying to ape it

>>7182526
Cute

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>>7101058
don't understand story, art does not merit a re-read

>>7186613
Tough love there

>>7184395
If he doesn't listen to the crabs he's not gonna make it

>>7189821
Sick logic
Never listen to crabs

>>7187932
He just said his opinion
There's no tough love right there

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>>7186613

Reposting my cowboy comic from a few years ago in hopes that some attention may help with scrounging up the motivation to continue. I'm happy with the artwork but I don't really know how to write stories so it's largely just been stream of consciousness. tear it up.

note: original psd files are long gone so major edits are not happening. I've considered just restarting the whole project but I got pretty deep into it so that would feel like a waste.

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>>7193547

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>>7193549

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>>7193552

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>>7193553

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>>7193555

>>7193547
I like the style
Reminds me of old european comics

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>>7194723
thanks
>>7193558
cont.

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>>7195804

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>>7195806

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>>7195810

>>7195811
More??

>>7193547
Oh shit, return of the king. Welcome back buddy, I thought you got hit by a truck or something.

>>7195811
where can i see more of your work?

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>>7195811
>>7197338
a truck called life
>>7197437
the whole comic is on tapas.io - "I was the cowboy." living.void on instagram but i do not post comics there

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>>7198474

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>>7198476

>>7198478
These comics are super cool but you may want to either commit to filling in the darks trad or using a texture/different color when you digitally fill it in. The ghosting on the inside of everything gives me a headache and kind of detracts from the comics.

Unless the ghosting is on purpose in which case ignore me

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>>7198658
ghosting/texture in the blacks is intentional but i agree it needs to get dialed back a bit, especially in the large black fills. Was trying to emulate aged print work from the period

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>>7199344

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>>7199345

>>7199359
Glad to see people like you and OP despite all the crabs talks and pinchings
You still doing what you love to do
Keep it up

>>7200730
You need to listen to crabs like me to make it

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>>7199359
>>7201974
nobody that posts on this board will make it.
making money off visual art is a fools errand at this point unless you are an attractive female with strong social skills living in a big city. many of the successful few that eat and lodge themselves exclusively with drawing live below the standard of living kept by those that work menial jobs. only love of the game can maintain forward momentum in the artistic realm for the rest of us.

>i would happily be proven wrong

>>7202523
You've already been proven wrong, plenty of /ic/ users have reached the point where they make a living from their art.

>>7202523
Just keep drawing and improving
And money will come eventually

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>>7202567
porn doesn't count
>>7203300
money came, it wasn't enough to live off. Made a tarot deck and did art for a board game, blew me away that i made figures with commas in them just from art, but still not anywhere near enough to quit a low paying job. I'm pretty frugal too.

>>7203310
I wasn't talking about porn, but if you include that then you're even more wrong yes. Your pessimism does not serve you.
And I'd argue that putting your foot down and saying "porn doesn't count" is just bad business sense. It's all well and good if you don't personally want to meet that demand, but that doesn't make it not solid business with high demand. Most jobs out there require doing what you wouldn't otherwise do in exchange for money, why on earth should art be any different as a rule?

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>>7203327
you get an eye roll from me brother

>>7203330
Fun comic

>>7203330
It's your life, but your claim that nobody on /ic/ makes a living from their art is factually wrong even without your arbitrary cutoff.

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>>7203343
i wish every one that tries good fortune
>>7203340
thank you

>>7203344
I enjoyed reading this comic. I like the style and I like your characters. The style reminded me a bit of Larcenet's "Blast". In terms of writing, it's good. It made me chuckle a few times and is interesting. I would suggest you establish the main conflict/antagonistic force that will drive the story forward soon. I'd also suggest doing some character-building; what exactly is this cowboy's objective? What does he yearn for? What challenges will he face? What's his history? What are his insecurities? But yeah, what you have so far is great.
Reading your posts, you seem to be pessimistic about the success of your art and comic, but you have a good thing going here, I like your stuff on insta too. Keep creating art and posting man.

>>7203344
Wow
You're way better than OP shitty animu comic

>>7204871
Your point?

>>7206711
My point is clear
OP is a lefty from 3rd world country who support palestine with shitty animu comic
While we have a chad from the west who supports Israel and with a great art style talking about cowboys and stuff

>>7203344
Nice comic but I think the swearing is a bit too forced, like trying to be edgy. Other than that I love the art style and the characters

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>>7208265
thanks, loud and clear on the language

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>>7203513
thanks mate. great feedback, i agree. development (or lack thereof) of the story arc definitely led to the cessation of progress on this project. writing stories start to finish is pretty far out of my comfort zone/realm of experience and i didn't like any of the stories that I came up with. Working on this presently.

>>7208918
Complete the story anon
Don't let us hanging

>>7208254
Mental illness

>>7208254
>supporting Israel
>chad
Cuck behavior. Embarrassing.

>>7211883
>a thread where people posted their works to get criticized
>turns political for no apparent reason
I miss the old /ic/

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>>7208918
someone else post comics i'm gonna run out before too long

>>7213135
Why? Not trying to hate or anything but this thread was some guy posting his own comic for criticism, you sorta just hijacked it months after the fact. It doesn't need to be kept alive, you can just make a thread for posting comics (or use the one already up) and let this one die.

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>>7213227
oh i thought this was a comic crit general. i'm too deep to turn back now

>>7213227
This thread been going on for 100 days for now and I never seen this happening here in /ic/

>>7214851
No one gives a damn
It will die eventually and be forgotten

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>>7216326
hahaha holy shit dude

>>7216977
Don't mind the crabs
Keep posting your comic, I'm already hooked
Can you suggest good website to post comics

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>>7218186
>Can you suggest good website to post comics
the only one i have ever used is tapas.io and the interface is pretty nice but most of the content is literally gay.

>>7101058
Compositions are weak, but so is the art, both of those things improve hand in hand if you put in the time.

Nevertheless, it's a cute little story with honest effort in it, so I appreciate it.
It reminds me of the Morocco-tan guy's style, is that him?

About people getting lost about the reading direction, that's mainly due to two factors:
- Scenes keep changing, so we can't really compare 2 panels and figure out the order by ourselves;
- All panels are straight. If you make them diagonal, with the first one being shorter and the second one getting taller, that can help to lead the eye. At least until you train the reader, cause there's no telling if this is supposed to be a manga or not.

I was smart and skipped trying to read the comic until I found some hints on page 9 and 11, but I could only tell for sure on page 12.

>>7218248
Your story has nice art and flows very nicely, but I heavily hate the niggerspeak everywhere.
Makes what could have looked whimsical - if a little deranged - feel like stoner nihilistic humor.

Then again, we don't see the cowboy's face, maybe he is a negro, as well as the rest of the crew.

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>>7218898
>Makes what could have looked whimsical - if a little deranged - feel like stoner nihilistic humor.
i fully agree, however referring to any sort of foul language as niggerspeak for shock value/ humor is equally if not more distasteful.

>>7219364
It's not about being foul, it's about being grammaticaly niggerfied, punctuation often skipped and zoomer "language" here and there.
And if it's indeed stoner humor than into the trash it goes, because druggies aren't people.

>>7219459
Didn't you understand
The OP and this anon who's posting his comic are leftist
So they love nigger way of speaking and share with them the same ideologies