My name is Juan Antonio Huerta Cano; the last thing I remember is doing cocaine with my girlfriend, then making love, and then my girlfriend pulling a Taser out of her coat (it was cold in my house, so we had only taken off our pants) and shocking me. I passed out and woke up in this place where the grass and trees are painted blue; it smells like paint, so everything must have been painted recently. There is free Wi-Fi, but no signal; I tried calling 911 but couldn't because there was no service. Then I tried asking for help on Facebook and WhatsApp, but I had set passwords so my girlfriend wouldn't snoop, and after the drugs and the Taser incident, I can't remember the passwords anymore.I'm asking for help on 4chan using Google Translate as a last resort.Upgrade:I’m posting this for the second time; it’s night now and I can’t see a damn thing, but the Wi-Fi signal is still coming through and I’m going to make the most of it. I’m trying to locate the source of the signal, but it seems good or at least decent everywhere—I think there are multiple internet access points and Wi-Fi antennas.
Just turn on google map and go home
