You have to fight a hippo. You can ONLY use melee weapons. You can also wear armor.What are you bringing?
a spear, armor is useless because it will just crush you better to stay mobile
>>61582487I cuck and only bring an ostrich feather.
>>61582487Chug spears from afar
>>615824877' steel pole with sharp point & flat ground tamperer style end no armor because i don't wanna weight myself down, as i'm going to attempt to have it run into the spear, and that'll require all my effort to ensure that happens
>>61582487I carry as many leaf-bladed heavy javelins as I can into a tree and launch them into the hippo>no tree climbing faggotFine then a 16ft Macedonian pike and no armor as the armor will only slow me down
>>61582487Gladius, Pilum, Scutum.
>>61582527Roma Invicta
>>61582487We're both going down (eventually)
>>61582487my weapon will be a suicidal midget.just as the hippo is charging at me with it's mouth roaring, I immediately throw the midget headfirst into it's gaping jaws.Then the midget will dive into it's throat and thrash about and claw the hippo's insides, and hopefully the hippo will suffocate and die from oxygen deprivation or bleed internally to death.
>>61582492A spear won’t do shit. Honestly I’d just get a maul and yolo it. Or if the goal is to survive, spear and try to keep distance and flee
>>61582487Maybe if you had a giant fucking pike you might have a chance.Or quietly put down whatever weapon you had and tried to walk away in a fashion that wouldn't piss off the hippo and arouse its bloodlust, you certainly aren't outrunning it.
>>61582487lunge mine
>>61582487https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarissamy only chance is to get it propped well enough so it wouldn't give and trick the fucker into empaling itself on it
>>61582639This. Without an explosive on a stick you're just deciding what you want to flail uselessly as you get destroyed.
>>61582487>>61582642pig spear sized for a rhino. same concept as the sarissa and the other spear options but it also has a crossbar so that the rhino gets held up until the shaft of the spear breaks. said shaft will probably be a steel pipe.if the spear breaks then it's still punching in enough to reach the heart.
>>61582611Spears are the go to for any thick skinned animal. You really think you cant stab through a hippos thick flesh but you thick you can break its thick skull? It's literally evolved to smash it's head into things as a defense. Meanwhile native dindus have hunted them before with spear.
>>61582487A huge bag of marbles
>>61582487Big ol' spear and one of those Zorb soccer balls as "armor". Not sure if it would give me a good shot, but at least I would have some fun before getting trampled to death.
>>61582487A good sturdy pike.Anchor it in the ground, aim for the mouth as it charges, and let physics do the rest
>>61582672Checkmate autists
>>61582487I'll bring a chainsaw, and wear gauntlets and vambraces.The chainsaw is going in that fucker's mouth.
>>61582487A bag of poisoned 5" caltrops and a sturdy boar pike.
>>61582498That would be extremely painful
>16ft pike >plate armor Those teeth are not getting near me
>>61582487My penis
>>61582487Don't tribesmen in Africa do this all the time? It can be that hard
>>61582611>A pointed stick? Hell no dude, give me a sledgehammer.You are fucking retarded dude. Like braindead. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you a downie or something? This isn't even a matter of having to have some sort of autistic knowledge about hippos or medieval weapons, it's just basic human instinct.If a dog was coming at you, would you rather have a pitchfork or a claw hammer?
>>61582487A zweihander, unironically
>>61582487Entrenching tool>dig hole>find sticks>sharpen with tool>place in hole>lure hippo>???>profitfoolproof
LUCERNE PLATE ARMOR WITH BRIGHT CLOTHES BENEATH
>>61583004I assume that they do it in groups, not solo
>>61583004Hippos are fucking scary man. They'll hit the bottom of your boat if you're on the river to capsize you and maul you
>>61582487Pick related, I'm only going to get one swing but I can't see myself actually bringing it down with anything else.
>>61582984The plate armor is rather superflous, wouldn't do any good if the pike failed.>>61583004Anon think of the advertisers...
>>61583175>armor is rather superflous, wouldn't do any good if the pike failed.It would if it looked like this.
>>61583192>hippo sits on you, hardly noticing>cracked like a nut
>>61583192That's bear armor.A hippo is not a bear, you need to get some hippo armor.
>>61582611>clearly the animal that takes constantly heavy blows from forces stronger than any human can muster will be killed with a sledgehammer
>>61582639>>61582642why didnt they just make it throwable like an explosive throwing spear
Bang stick with 50bmg black tip headAnti tank spear(HEAT on a stick) like the japanese had and blast armor with skatesLaugh and grow fat
>>61583212NTA. What about pickaxe?
>>61582487
>>61583196Name one instance of a hipper ever sitting on someone. They don't do that.
>>61583237seeing as the hippo constantly fights other hippos with the same type of implement & doesn't die when it happensuh, sure!
>>61583278The takeaway message from this skull is that you should never go for the head. Try to impale the body, get the lungs, etc.
>>61582675That image is what it feels like to be vored.
>>61583231>EOD suit, lunge mineClever, use the armor you're allowed to protect yourself from your own weapon not the hippo.>roller skates>anon's Hurt Locker cosplay careens into a raging hippo and explodes kek, best answer yet
>>61582487A drainage pump
2 buckets of bleach hog tied together
>>61583304>smear inside with lube>strip and wriggle in>????
>>61583289if i'm ever targeted by a big critter that wants to kill me, I AM AIMING FOR THE EYES!!
WITNESS MEEEEE!
>>61582487oh fuck yeah. Plate armor, and spear. along with a lot of knives. I'm a fucking larper, so once I fuck up with the spear I gotta rely on grab and stab. Armor is fucking strong and hippos are retarded. if I hang on and keep jammin' I think I could be good. But thems big words, and that's a large mammal.
>>61582487A torch, an envenomed spear and a few envenomed javelins.
I may not survive, but no fucking way is the hippo
>>61582487I'm sorry but I fail to see how this is relevant to joining the military propaganda or supporting Ukraine.
>>61583608MEDIOCRE
>>61583962russians employee war hippos, haven't you seen the latest fpv drone footage?
>>61582527This>>61582571But also this
>>61582611Hippos smash into each other when they fight in the wild. Your melee weapon will only serve to hasten your inevitable death. At least with spears you have the possibility of ranged attacks and making enough critical puncture wounds to give you room to go Oscar Mike.
>>61583570The first two fallout games are so fucking good.
>>61582487A chainsaw.
>>61584027I have a pole chainsaw that I use for tall trees, I bet that could work pretty well too
zweihander
>>61582672LOL
>>61582487Pike and a suicide vest.
A Gundam suit with fuckhueg sword or picrel
>>61583150Being so brutal is probably the only way to coexist with crocodiles
>>61582487>get some roller skates >15ft spear >skate around hippo stabbing him>if hippo charges you, just stick spear into hippo and let him push you>hippo can't reach you and you can move just as fast as him even in reverse
One of those big heavy boar spears with a massive crossbar
>>61582487Box of Dominos pizzaMaybe an AK-47
>>61582487I just take a double dose of preworkout then run around until the thing collapses and dies of a heart attack, like the gladiator scene from Life of Brian. Look how fat it is, doesnt stand a chance.
>>61585078Hippos can run 30-45km/h, you will not outrun it.
>>61583231Lunge mine and EOD suit is the best one here, I’d much rather take the chances with surviving the explosion than try to fight the hippo with a spear.
>>61582492>>61582498>>61582519shutup dumbass just say spear LMAO>>61582611>>61583004This is a video of people actually hunting a Hippohttps://youtu.be/XzM4kLQvnpo?t=2779id use a spear
>>61585165THE ELEPHANT IS PULLING SPEARS OUT OF HIM WITH HIS TRUNK WTF
>>61582487lets go ya cunt
>>61585165this based pilot is doing flyby after flyby over these insurgents because theyve just been given guns and so 'they dont know how to use them'
>>61585165You killed the thread with your interesting documentary
>>61582487Since you didn't specify how many melee weapons I can have, I choose 1000 boar spears and a shovel. I create a circle of spears sticking out of the ground at roughly 30° to 45° angles with an inside diameter of 20 yards, like a 1 man circle schiltron. I sit in the middle meditating until the hippo appears, then watch it until it either makes a move or goes away. Hopefully, my hedgehog defense is enough to deter the beast. If it charges at me, I go to the far end of the circle and wait with my holdout spear. If it makes it through the spear wall I'm likely fucked, but I will go down stabbing.>>61583570>tfw always took Fast Shot as a kid and didn't even know this was an option
>>61582487>16th century plate armour.>Pike or Boar Spear. Probably pike.>Pointed single-handed Falchion for crossover between gladius and axe, while also being good for point AP stuff.>War pick for whaling on its forehead.>Some very sharp knives.All you guys not taking armour don't know just how valuable it is to have a circle of tempered steel around you for taking big impacts. The support against crushing or trampling is insane for how little it weighs.
Give me a shovel and enough time to dig spider-holes in Robert the Bruce style and I'll walk up and give it a mercy kill after all 4 of its legs are broken.
>>61582487fiberglass/carbon fiber laminated armor because of its superior crush-resistance, and some 15ft pikes with .50 cal powerheads attached... still melee, technically?
>>61582487my penus weenus
A boar spear if the obvious choice but fuck it, give me a chest plate and a ridiculously large sword and prepare to see a hippopotamus get rekt.
>>61588397>Give me a shovel and enough timeWell I guess a shovel is a melee weapon...
>>61582487one of those "stun guns" and a sword with snake venom or some crazy poison on it
>>61582487I bring a watermelon, I have no enemies.>https://youtu.be/9wyhhxOZazI
>>61582778You're a big guy
>>61582487This but with a longer shafthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lti_zl3MnT4
>>61582521>pike>nakedthis anon gets it, it's hot as shit in the desert, and there's no point in armoring yourself against a beast that can gore right through it or just trample you
>>61584974This.Fucking tank with a bigass spear stuck in the barrel. Fuck that hippo.
>>61582487MOSHI MOSHI MOTHERFUCKER
>>61589107>>61589107>>61589107>>61589107
>>61582487Do it with style even if more dangerous.No armor, it will just slow you down, those jaws will crush plate.
