I’m so confused and depressed, I thought this was what I wanted but after two years of hormones I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t want to lose the ability to ejaculate. I laser’d my beard off and now I think I regret it. I have small boobs now and honestly I think it’s giving me dysphoria in the opposite direction. I like being pretty, I like makeup, I like dressing up, am I just a cross dresser? Maybe I just wanted to be trans so that I would feel more valid, rather than just being some kind of fetishist. I finally saved up enough money for FFS so I can finally pass without bangs, but I’ve just been sitting on it for months. I haven’t taken my pills in almost two weeks. Maybe it’s not what I really want, maybe I shouldn’t. The main reason is that I’ve discovered I want to sing. I have a good singing voice, but it sounds unmistakably male. The other thing is that I like girls and I want kids. I didn’t realize it before but transitioning has brought out some dormant desires inside me and now I think I want a gf. Been getting fucked for a few years now and honestly, it’s not as great as I thought it would be. I haven’t even managed to get a boyfriend, you’d think if I really wanted it, I would go for it more, but I just don’t. Idk, I wanted to at least try being the girl in a relationship but at this point idk if I can be. I have so many male-coded hobbies, the only girly things I actually like are makeup, fashion, music, and dancing. I’m not even that into fashion I just like looking sexy, I get a thrill out of it. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve been in purgatory for a year. I don’t know what to do . Maybe I’m trans, maybe I’m a crossdresser, maybe I ruined my life and I should just end it
Glorp
op, you read to me as straight leaning bi based on this. imo dont rush on knocking any women up. detrans and live as a femme bi dude for a bit. see how that goes
>>35545298Yeah basically this. See how being called a good boy or daddies lil fag makes you feel while a real man is balls deep in your ass. Chances are you will enjoy it more and not feel the weird dysphoria guilt that comes with being an unhappy mtf. Nothing wrong with living life as a feminine gayboy
>>35545240I actually knew a tranny like you. She was having second doubts but still went through with ffs. Afterwards she detransitions for a few months then retransitioned.She said a lot of the things you did too but ultimately begrudgingly accepted her fate as a tranny and uses a shit ton of drugs to cope. Honestly you should just go to therapy. She refused to and suffered for it
Can I just be a eunuch on estrogen? I'm post orchi, but I feel at my best dressing like a longhaired feminine man rather than wearing women's clothing. >inb4 women can wear men's clothes tooYes. But that requires being able to pass as cis female.
>>35545364yeah I’ve just been smoking 50 pounds of weed every day trying to cope, literally smoking rn You’d think if this was really what I wanted, I would go for it, but I don’t. I think what I really want to be is a male singer. I want to try theater to, I’m actually a good looking guy it’s why I was able to pass with makeup and bangs, I could have actually been somebody, I could have followed my dreams, maybe I still can. I don’t want to give up being sexy tho. I absolutely love going to bars all dolled up in a minidress and having guys thirsting after me, might be my one of my favorite things actually, was considering doing that tonight actually. Maybe I can get a gf as a girl? Maybe our kids can have two moms? I mean, this is who I am, I’m definitely not a masculine chad, was always a pretty boy even before I transitioned. This is all so confusing, I’m fucking 31 I don’t have time for this indecision
>>35545240yeah idk i cant relate to anything you saidmaybe you arent trans after all? either way you cant have a transition and every single thing you said you wanted so youre gonna have to make a choiceyou can basically have everything on the trans side as a man though especially if you dont stealth pass then it doesnt really make a difference
>>35545500Yeah I don’t pass, but it’s weird because if I cover my forehead with bangs, I actually do pass, my face anyway. That’s why I was saving up to reshape my brow and lower my hairline. I go from pretty girl to drag queen as soon as I move my bangs out of the way, so I’ve literally just been living the past two years hiding my forehead with bangs every single day. Now that I have the money, I suddenly don’t want to do it, and the worst part about it? I don’t even necessarily know why. I remember how awful I felt as a man. I remember how jealous of cis girls I was, how jealous I still am. When I see a girl with her bf, I’m fucking jealous. I’ve never had that and I want that. But I also think girls are sexy, I also have this instinct to be a filthy breeder that got super bad after I turned 30. Sexually I’m definitely a sub, but I think I would be fine with being topped by anyone, and honestly, I want to try topping before I die. Closest I’ve ever got is people giving me head, never actually done any thrusting tho
>>35545627are u sure ur T levels havent increased randomly
>>35545627are u sure ur t isnt just spiking for some reason
>>35545240I have been on hormones for six years and I have a pussy and I want to detrans too
>>35545714>>35545733It’s true I haven’t had an endo appointment in a while, I’ve been procrastinating getting the blood test for some reason. I’ve been procrastinating everything, but this isn’t the first time I had regrets and got off the pills. Same thing happened a year ago and I eventually got off the pills long enough to put my sperm in a bank, then I got back on hormones but now I’m having doubts at the turning point when I have to make the big decision about ffs
>>35545738MtPooner
>>35545947I am not a POONER I am a real BOY
>>35545240yes you should detrans. your problem isn't your gender but your life
>>35546861you might be right, my life is an absolute nightmare, I’ve pretty much just been alone my whole life, I’m in so much pain 24/7 that I can’t think straight. Idk if anyone could ever love an autistic loner like me. I’m just the worst, and the worst part about it is everybody enjoys my suffering. They’re glad I’m suffering. Suicide might be the answer. Detrans’ing might be the answer. Getting my surgery might be the answer. I’m too lost, stupid, and in pain to know for sure
>>35547132listen friend, suicide, (even if this sounds like an absolute normie nigger advice), isn't never the anwser. you probably fell into the trans propaganda and though that being a girl would let your loneliness go away but that is never the case. if you keep doing hrt you will end having real dysphoria. you are a guy, it doesn't matter how much you fucked up your body is, you are a boy and you should feel pride on that. your body isn't ruined, you still you after all. my advice is that you should get a grip of yourself, take a good sight on the life around you and then go though. it may be hard at the beginning but you will feel better, believe me
>>35545240>>35547379also, i want to say that, i do also want to feel pretty, to put myself make up, to wear pink clothes, i want to wear wigs and look as femenine as a i can, but with the heavenly and strong awareness that i am male, that's the whole fun. there is nothing bad in being a femenine-presenting male. i consider one myself. i would never consider myself a girl for liking these things though, having a gender relativity in your own life shouldn't be confused with actually having a different gender. you are a male, you will always be a male, but you can always play with that without the need to castrate yourself
