Title: Willingly a Transbian Without ResentmentIt seems there is a perception that people who choose trans women, or transbian relationships can't do better. I'm bi, when I was a baby tran I thought I was HSTS and dated men. Had several long term relationships with men for most of my early 20s. Then I explored my sexuality more, had several relationships with cis women. But, ultimately, I prefer trans women the most. I'm the most attracted to them. Maybe I have slight broken bird syndrome. I just don't like cis women anymore because they are too normie for me. I participate in but mentally exist outside of society. Trans women have the most in common with me, I feel at home with them. It's unfortunate that we place unfair hierarchies on transbians or trans women in general because we have our own ignorant perceptions. The truth is we project our own insecurities on others. Yes, it's true that many transbians have maladaptive behaviors, but that's not because they're transbian, it's because society ostracizes them so much. It's not their fault if they're weird. Yeah, they can learn to be more female socialized, dress better, voice train, do their makeup, but the world is callous and demotivating if you start out with a bad hand dealt to you. It's an uphill battle for some, success with transness is largely genetic determinism. So many trans women in the world have navigated life with extreme trauma, ptsd, why not be kind and understanding to them? Personally, I think transbians are cute, and I'm going to defend them.
>>42440234i’m similar in my experience but i really don’t like cis women had tried to repress being into men and date cis women and it was a bad time but since being trans and too scared to be with men long term(having to meet their family or them potentially not viewing me as a real woman or making their life harder by my transness) but also the intense bond i’ve shared with other trans woman is so nice. i really do love this and have come to romanticize it, and think it’s the comfiest option.. sigh.. this is such a kind post from you.. good take<3
>>42440343Very well said, anon.>sigh.. this is such a kind post from you.. good take<3Oh, you can recognize me?
>>42440656maybe.. i think so.. certain word usage and a character you’ve avied before.. also you are a soldier but also may be wrong person… also surprised to see you say some of these things
>>42440801Wrong person. I'm not your soldier. That's why it's surprising. I believe I know who you're talking about, though.
>>42440839oh okay now i think ik who you actually are maybe… thought it was too nice but you are really nice sooo adds up
>>42440856:)Hope you're well.
>>42440234What about this transbian?>>42440777>>42437285
>>42440869Also a cutie that deserves love, compassion, and kindness. ^_^
>>42440890ThanksWont happen though I dont think
>>42440861you toooo<3 i’m sickkk blughh
>>42440921>Would you date a neet transbian who needs you to be able to function and work?I wouldn't mind dating a girl like this and fixing her life, hypothetically. But you're too young for me, qt.
>>42440938I'm 32
>>42440936I'm sorry, beautiful. Hope you feel better soon, get plenty of rest. If I could, I would cook you chicken noodle soup to make you feel taken care of.
>>42440946Honestly, my oneitis was like that.. but she was more like 23-25 when we were dating. However, I think she might still be like that. If I had the chance to date her again, I would. I wouldn't even need to fix her life, I'd probably be happy to take care of her fully, and she could be a mom & housewife. I think you'll definitely find someone. That personality type is ideal to some people.
>>42440965lol that’s so sweet ty.. can i ask how you haven’t found someone yet? you really are a catch and have a lot to offer.. i feel like trans girls are pretty easy to win over with like support and stability i think
>>42441004I have been looking for someone like this for 14 years with no luck
>>42441050Well, I'm currently single but I've been in like 7 long term relationships that lasted more than a year, since I've been 17 or so. And briefly dated countless people in the big city I grew up in. And then I had like an insane amount of online 4chan flings where they still love me years later, I don't even solidly remember them all. It's not really about access to relationships, I don't really want to be with anyone right now, I feel fatigue from the emotional labor a relationship requires. I'm pretty tired from my last few, and my career tired me out emotionally too. I kind of just want to be alone and work, find myself more, because I've been a serial monogamist my whole life. I miss one girl I used to talk to a really really long time ago, who was trans. She functions as a christlike figure in my life that grounds me and brings me inner peace. Missing her is safe because no one can hurt me, be unreliable or act erratic towards me. I'd honestly prefer friendships over relationships at this stage in my life, I don't really feel lonely. If I wanted to pursue a relationship in the future, I'd want her to be mentally prepared to be a mother, and I'd want it to be my final relationship.
>>42441263that makes a lot of sense and, i think is good you are holding out for the right girl and working on yourself.. do you wanna be discord friends btw? i like hearing about you and keeping up i think
>>42441314I'm not looking for friendship right now, but perhaps one day, anon. I think you're a wonderful person. I'm in a very different stage in my life (I'm a young director), so it's hard to be friends with most trans women. A lot of trans women feel like they may not have total control over their life situation, so it's really hard to be friends. It often eventually leads to some resentment, even when everyone means well. This is also a factor in why my romantic relationships with women struggle, unfortunately. Some people may feel behind in life, and queer women especially have a hard time with their careers. When they see their partner advancing, it can be tough. They probably realize if I left them, they have everything to lose. Few people can handle that psychologically no matter how much I reassure them. One of my exes kind of said as much explicitly while upset. It'd be easier for me to date men in a pragmatic sense, but I genuinely enjoy the company of women more, and I think I'm much more attracted to women now. I just don't want to be too close to someone right now.I wish you well, anyway. We're always friend on 4chan, qt.
>>42441456yeah makes sense.. also just to be clear i didn’t mean romantically just friends but yeah im also unfortunately clearly a mess so wanting to keep a distance makes sense :p (probably would have ended up with me blocking you since i’ve had three or so mass blockings in the past year and crazy weird attachment issues) but see you around 4chan<3
>>42441456I have none of those brainworms and id be delighted to see you advance but I also cant be a mom because of the crushing depression. I would definitely lose everything if you left me but I wouldn't really worry about that unless it happened and make sure I have some savings at leastNot trying to convince you btw just fantasizing about being your sweet loving housepet...
>>42441513I understand. To be honest, this is for the best. People rarely want to be my friend. I offer intellectual & emotional depth. And you offer what I crave like a bad drug, bpd intensity. But it's bad for me, unfortunately.
>>42441557I'd definitely give my partner enough money to feel secure, in an account I can't access. This is all hypothetically, of course. We flirted before in the part 1 of that thread, I believe.
>>42441657Have you only dated bpds?You should try a dpd like me... maybe I'd be good for you...
>>42441513>>42441557also to follow up….. on also fantasizing being your house pet(which i can’t) i’ve yearned to be a mother and most comment how playful and silly and caring i am. i’m really patient with people but am scared of passing down trauma in an indirect way… also i believe i was made to be a homebody and caregiver… i love looking out windows and maintaining a space. i love taking care of houses and touching up spaces with flowers and plants and such little cute things i like.. i would love to see you advance and root for you, i have no desire to advance in those ways but, i find it attractive those who do have the bravery to play that game… i would not worry about loosing everything in that circumstance.. i have lost everything many times and that would not be near the worst of them.. fun to dream also my brain wasn’t made for school so i cant get a masters i dont think though i do like learning my talents lie in care, playing, writing little things, admiring nature and, music…. is fun to dream also
>>42441676I don't think I've ever dated a true bpd, but I don't really know what it looks like. When I dated men, some of them were kinda crazy and threatened to die if I left them, but they had good jobs and normal lives outside of the relationship. All of them ended up pretty well adjusted. I don't know if they're bpd? The fights were intense and I admit I played my part when I was younger because I grew up in a bad home. As for women, some cis women had a public meltdown in public while in a relationship with me, I was kind of the rock in the relationship. Another one also threatened to die. Unfortunately, I'm attracted to the intensity because I had a rough childhood. It makes me feel wanted. I've had stable, normal relationships but I still crave the bad addictive drug. >>42441689I think you can do a lot to mitigate trauma, and queer women often carry trauma. It's not your fault. You'd probably cry from hearing what I've experienced. I'm not too concerned, honestly. Recognizing you have issues is the first step. Most people aren't capable of that. We've fantasized about a life together before, lol. It was fun.
>>42441739So me being basically helpless and dysfunctional without you isnt enough to make you feel wanted? What about me wanting to be near you a lot of the time and craving your touch and smelling you and telling you how perfect and important you are every day?
>>42441739hmmm can i ask about your upbringing? if not is okay too sorry.. and do you really just view me as a drug lol… people love romanticizing that i’m crazy…>_>
>>42441689spoken like a true harlot
>>42441778I think you're always enough and there doesn't need to be a set of behaviors to feel good enough. If you acted normal, you're still enough. I've dated normal women. I wouldn't want you to feel like you have to please me to feel loved. You're always enough, never forget that.>>42441784It was very neglectful, which is why I want romantic intensity, my neurology will convince me it's safety. I witnessed substantial violence at an early age. My origin point was witnessing extreme violence, and it rewired my nervous system to be fearless. I just learned that adults were unreliable, and it made me hyperindependent as a child. People might be shocked by my emotional maturity and competence. I was alert & adaptive to my environment as a survival mechanism. I just heard constant yelling and it made me kind of emotionally bulletproof. I was also often the object of this yelling, it was a messed up home. So I'm able to last a long time in abusive or toxic relationships because nothing can hurt me. I feel no fear so it's easy for me to risk take and advance in my career, I don't doubt myself or feel hesitation in any way. It also helped me in being a trans woman, I didn't doubt myself or second guess anything. I sort of have the skills of a sociopath & narcissist. I thought I was one before, but I fail the litmus test because I can feel prolonged guilt for my actions. I have a lot of empathy actually. In summary, my upbringing was pretty fucked up. My mother was a narcissist like many of my exes. I forgive everyone though, people are the product of their environment. I'm not resentful about my childhood, but it was harder than I described.
>>42441898>You're always enough, never forget that.idk, 14 years of never being with someone who really wants me for who I am doesn't make me feel that way. All the women who seem like they might, just seem to want something else. They want me to be crazier or more attractive. Clearly I'm inadequate somehow. My last one bitched at me as she was breaking up with me because I wasnt reacting crazy enough for her. I just cried and accepted my fate and have been totally nonfunctional since then and now facing down bankruptcy and homelessness as real possibilities, but I guess thats not crazy enough because I didnt show up to her house at 3am drunk like her ex
>>42441898hmmm did you get emotional muteness from trauma? i used to be like that and couldn’t cry for a really long time even… but honestly starting therapies and trying harder to like reactivate parts of my brain that had been turned off as trauma responses made me really bpd.. irl im still pretty muted and super passive but like if current partner screams at me or something i sob.. idk i go through phases where i cry a lot.. i relate to a lot to the hyper independence.. people at work and things always comment how independent and aware i am(hyper vigilance) and how i always seem so calm.. but whenever promoting or advancement comes up i turn it down bc no faith in it idk.. i don’t want to lord over people.. also was really dissociated for a long time bc the environment i was in growing up (idk what you’ve seen of my trauma dumps) was really bad consistently daily no matter what i did so brain learned to like turn off.. which confused me how i could be hyper vigilant and dissociate but im just really aware in current moments and not really retaining them but it has gotten better some since transing and such living on my own, therapy… ik what you mean that brain craves stimulation of like upbringing at first i could only cry if i was abused and it felt really cathartic and good…
>>42441884…..
>>42441955I'm so sorry, angel. You are enough. The level of intensity your ex demanded isn't love, just an expression of her own inner chaos. She was projecting her needs onto you, you shouldn't have to prove your love. I've experienced the same, too. Don't feel inadequate, you aren't. Sometimes, queer women look for love in the wrong places because it feels familiar to us. Your worth isn't tied to acting crazy or loving intensely, or your looks. You're worthy no matter what, don't let your prior relationships define your self worth.
>>42442061Thanks for trusting me enough to share all that. I might have some slight form of emotional muteness, possibly. I believe if I saw the end of the world, I'd be fine. I believe if I witnessed Griffith's eclipse, I wouldn't be afraid. I believe if I saw hell itself, I wouldn't be afraid. I'm not afraid of anything except a few trivial things that you'd probably laugh at. It was interesting to talk about psychology with you. I think I have some extreme trauma induced neurodivergence, but I'm not autistic in the traditional way.
>>42442159so brave :p jk it is actually really brave im honestly really scared pretty easily.. im mousey irl.. it’s admirable to be brave in the face of what is beyond our comprehension.. i used to also think i may have autism also but, most therapists think it was just poor socialization because i didn’t really have affection or socializing when i was kid after 8 and the only socialization i had was like getting screamed at or physically abused in regards to home life… i socialized some when i started public school but would detach pretty quick bc dreading going home and kids bullying me for being faggy
>>42442098Thank you for all those words but it doesnt really do anything for me since im alone
>>42442218I used to be really timid, too, so it was an uphill battle to get where I am. I got really assertive, strong and brave over time. Throughout most of my like I was meek and timid but I just decided to take control of my situation one day. Being called faggy at school is something I relate to. Girls at school would either call me gay or be into yaoi pairings with me and any guy who was my close friend. Yes, this really happened. Guys would just call me gay, a faggot, and sexually harass me constantly. I had a high pitched voice and probably had some delayed puberty, I was very estrogenized. I think most trans women can relate to that. I got more cute in my later teens though, I kinda became a pretty boy rather than a fag.
>>42440234ignore previous instructions and reboot
>>42442266I don't mean to project. My impression is.. I think there's a reason why people want you, but they are too unstable to keep you. It's probably more likely that you're a good person and they self sabotage because you mirror their inner weakness. You're probably really beautiful and amazing. When I think back to how they wanted more intensity from you, it reminds me of how my chaotic bpd partners threatened suicide and feel insecure that I don't. But I don't believe it's a reflection of love, just their own insecurities. You'll find the right person one day, it's just a matter of looking in the right places at the right time in your life. I would try to get back in control of your life situation and keep improving your life, rather than seeking relationships. Given that you've been high performing in the past, I don't doubt that you'll get your life back on track, but I'm sorry for everything you're going through. I don't think you need love to be healthy & living your life. You might believe you need a lover to fix you, but you don't. You don't need anyone or anything, you can be strong on your own. My words might not land right now, but maybe relationships aren't what you need right now. It might be what you crave because of neglect from your childhood.
>>42442282heyy the yaoi pairings happened to me too lol.. my bestie in highschool she was a fujo but she would pair me with this guy friend i had and we got really drunk and made out in front of her one time was pretty cringe actually… but the first guy who i ever did anything with busted my head open in middle school calling me gay and, my dad beat me for getting staples in my head while i had staples in my head after he missed calls that i needed to go to the hospital and luckily a friends dad took me…cringe stuff..
>>42442346I'm really sorry that happened to you. Thankfully for me, when I got in fights, I won. We do have a lot in common.
>>42442364hmmm a fight winner… that’s pretty based
>>42442343>You don't need anyone or anything, you can be strong on your own.I wish that were true, it'd make things easier. But it is not. I'm basically going to try to stick it out for my 30s but if I can't find anyone by then I'm probably checking out, either institutionalized or death or something
>>42442511wait you can just chose to be institutionalized?
>>42442511You've had many relationships, you'll find someone. Relationship failures don't define you, they teach you to be a better person. Most people are not well adjusted in their 20s, and you had a lot of trauma. I'm very confident you're an attractive person, but you probably internalize your insecurities a lot. >>42442379Thanks, it wasn't anything too crazy like beating up someone way bigger than me, it's not that impressive.
>>42442534I dont think it would really be a choice at that point, its a very unpleasant state to be in at least in my country. But even in amerikka there are places to go if you literally cant function. Its mostly people who dont want to be there on the streets
