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>>43583252
I'm in love with Spider-Man's aunt.

am i supposed to care about this girl getting stabbed? everyone posting about how sad they are for her seems like they're faking desu. no one cares about trannies. even me, another tranny, doesn't care. so she got stabbed, who cares? what am i supposed to do? why am i supposed to feel something for a total stranger?

although i can admit that my lack of empathy is probably a character flaw. i've just internalized too much hate from this board or elsewhere to ever look at a tranny as a human being deserving of respect. we're all trash.

>>43583296
someone doesn't understand the role that stochastic violence plays in the coming wave of fascist terror
that poor girl...

>>43583377
who cares? i don't care. if it happens to trannies it really is't that bad. we deserve what we get.

>>43583252
I don't know where my life is going and it scares me, I don't have the motivation to change it, but don't want to kill myself in the end either

>>43583399
does it need changing?

i ghosted someone i met from here without meaning to, and when i went back you deleted your account. i miss you. worst thing i ever did

>>43583674
and im truly sorry

i’m glad i cut you off. easily the worst 26 days of my life

>>43583693
what happened?

i think this is a better place to blog than what i was thinking. im kinda melancholic because im a passive aggressive anxious loser. i thought yesterday would be a good day at work where i get set up with a task that takes all day and left to my devices but a manager who i think doesnt like me picked up overtime and did all the work before i even showed up. so they ended up giving me the shit jobs and micro managing me so i couldnt listen to podcasts and just do my work where everyone else leaves me alone all day.

i dont even know if they dont like me but im so anxious and bad at communication that i just avoided them and did shit work in the corner all day and that resulted in them giving other people the good work when it came up. except that they started those jobs out of order and at a time when they wouldnt finish before shift end, like in a way that i know how to do their job better than them and fucked up the metrics for the whole day for everyone.

im always like you need to wait for volume to pick up and build up a buffer so when we start we can work through and finish and dont have hours of idle dwell time and they just keep randomly starting and letting multiples dwell half finished all day. so i build up the buffer and prep to make it go smooth and they get mad that im not starting when its not ready. why??

so my confession i guess is that im a little bitch who cant talk to people and punish myself for it and let it ruin my day.

>>43583252
I cut your name into me after you stopped talking to me

No you didnt, you shouldn't care about me so much to do so anyway

>>43583391
normal people care, you're a retard that let the internet brain-wash them and that's really pathetic

>>43584603
right, whatever you say. it's funny because i'm actually invested in trans community irl and i have friends and a good job. i just know we're subhuman, the lot of us.

>>43583514
Probably? I've pushed away most of my friends and am discontent with what I turned my life into

I wish it was easier to find people that aren't normalfags larping. it seems the places I'd have found people like me are infected or long gone. i just thought i could happenstance into friends but it doesn't work like how it was when we were kids...
overcoming the fear of rejdection n judgement will take a few tries, but not like i've thought any plan better. in living my sheltered princely tower life I have experiemced so little and have made grand assumptions from my tower oh so far from everything else; things just dont work the way I saw or was told, maybe I just didnt understand the hidden intention behind their words. Maybe there was no secret intent and looking was my folly? it seems a bit of both, mainly latter.
the bond I desire I know now is somrthing unusual doe. Because I am seemingly mentally ill, the way I view ;others, emotions and relationships clashes with the desires of most. I am too emotionally intense and need to drawback and...care less. this untreated and unknown mentall illness has been a source of struggle my whole life, I guess I could never accept that I was different doe, that it Is My Fault. It is all worthless talk if I never do anything about it either

>>43584323
Jesus I was semi recently cut off from someone I cared about too and it basically changed all my plans for the future but I still wouldn't do that are you okay?
Like genuinely whats the point of carving someone's name?

I don't want to hurt you, and I'm sorry that I have already, but I don't know if I could ever forgive myself if I let you back into my life

It never gets better :(. I spent more of my childhood checked out than not and learn that hormones exist and obtain the asap... and nothing... I'm sick of people saying 'just take your pills alice' when hormones do ABSOLUTELY nothing... 3 years and: MILD gynocomastia that is unnoticleble under any shirt, maybe softer skin idk. I had seen zero change after a year, and started anamaxxing. didn't work my skeleton is too big :(. piomaxxing time then, and all of the fat goes to male locations. I am so unimaginably hideous. I put no effort into transing besides taking my meds, and feel bad that I've seen no progress. idk what's wrong with me.. normally I have motivation to do other things. It's not like I have any outlet for this stuff. Friends all hate mate and don't care and therapy has made no difference. If I wasn't a coward I'd be dead and happy.

>>43583674
>i ghosted someone i met from here without meaning to,
Haha, whoops, slipped on a banana peel and blocked you on everything!
I'm proud of whoever it was for just washing his hands of it and moving on.

I once talked to a tranny on Grindr for a while so seemed very interested, we organised a meetup at hers. We moved to whatsapp, she sent me a bunch of voice messages which made it clear she was quite literally developmentally disabled so I made my excuses, said I'd catch her later and vanished into the ether
I do not feel good about showing a retarded person my dick

>>43588841
To be clear: I ghosted *before* we met up, but she saw my dick on my grindr gallery

>>43588432
>Put in no effort
>Surprised to not see any results

>>43588816
i didn't block them, it was a busy and messy period in my life and i didn't reply in time before they deleted

>>43588887
what do you suggest I do? My body doesn't even pass as a tranny's, trying to learn makeup or voicetrain requires you to apply it in real-world situations, which is revolting to speak in my gigachad voice or be seen with a shitty makeup job. I've asked for help from others around me and they can't help.
Am I supposed to just honmode? I see that suggested alot... ask people to call an obvious male by a woman's name... make a public spectacle out of it... until of course I crash out and collapse from the back-breaking pressure of being seem and failing. I love knowing people around me are thinking 'fucking disgusting tranny' and 'this guy is making me uncomfortable i wish he wasn't here'. It's not like I'm lazy, I'm just trapped. I'm far behind any other trans person, even for 20 years ago. I digress...

What do you suggest I do from here? I trust a stranger's judgement more than I do my own, more often than not. Tell me what to do. If you tell me to honmode, I'll try it. If you tell me to rope, well I was gonna do that eventually anyway.

>>43590273
nta but try new styles, new haircut/clothes/jewellery. you don't need to use voice to voice train, you can start out at home

>>43590273 Nta but I think you should just try "honmoding" or whatever at some point you need to just take a breath suck up the shame and just dress up and put on makeup you don't need to go outside even but you gotta do it
I believe in you random nona

>>43583296
Most empathetic tranny award.

>>43583296
Just because you have no empathy doesn't mean everyone else doesn't. This is literally just you being unable to reconcile people thinking differently from you.

>>43588841
What makes you think they were developmentally disabled and it's not just you being a judgemental prick based on a person's voice or speech impediment?

I've been treated like a retard before just because I have a lisp and fuck you if you're that kind of person

My mother asked about you today, if I had heard anything from you since you left.
And while I had, you said nothing worth a damn, and so I said no.
But I may as well not have, because at this point in time, I'm over it all, and you.
I've had the time to sit and mull it all over, pull back the rose-tinted glasses that I was being fooled by, and really digest what a horrible person you are.
There's something to be said about love affecting how you perceive a person visually, because now that I've no love for you whatsoever, looking back at the photos, I feel a little bit guilty for saying some things about you passed when they clearly did not, though I couldn't quite allow myself to see it at the time.
But that's a lesson learned, and I can remain eagle-eyed henceforth for any girl I happen to fall in with, trans or not.
Though passing or not passing is clearly the least of your problems.

>>43591345
She was either retarded or so high she couldn't actually speak in complete sentences

>>43583252
i keep fantasizing about being intimate with certain friends and it makes me feel like a creep. i wish i knew how to have casual sex to keep these thoughts away

>>43584699
>actually invested in trans community irl and i have friends and a good job. i just know we're subhuman, the lot of us.
what bong terf island environment does to a mf
have some pride in your inalienable human dignity even as a gender cripple, you psyop victim

>>43585470
same

>>43586024
kinda how I feel too, at least its easier for me since I'm too much of a failure to keep the interest of even those that seem to be a soulmatch

>>43591639
dont have casual sex

Yesterday my bf gave me green light to fuck the guy that took his virginity. I've told mine is bigger, but I hope it's not.

>>43583252
I hate myself so much to the point of tears. im worthless

I'm not actually ok with any of this and I'm just going along with it for your sake because I can see how not doing so negatively affects you

>>43583252
i had no cutting scars and then i got my ex-boyfriend to cut me and he cut me on my upper arm and it scarred really really really grossly and badly (not quite keloid but looks basically the same) and that was when i started cutting because i figured i had to go for aesthetic because i realised i would be stuck with these disgusting keloids from my shitty fucking ex for literally the rest of my life and i can't wear things where my shoulders are visible because of him.
i still spend a lot of time with him because he's my roommate but i fucking hate his guts. he doesn't know that though. he has a bunch of self harm scars on his shoulders but he wears tank tops all the time because his scars are all barely visible
i am actually so fucking bitter about this and the worst part is that it really is largely my fault. i feel like such a fucking retard about it.
my doc said nothing could be done. btw.

>>43591911
friction creates sparks

>>43591992
what the fuck does that mean

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>>43592089
stfu vomitsink retard dont fucking talk to me

>>43592100
????????????

am I such a worthless individual that I don’t even get a courtesy text or call saying the schedule changed? Or do they do it on purpose to me, I’m waiting in an empty lot crying over something this dumb, and like I’m going to be waiting like 2 hours until somebody shows up :( I’m at a breaking point towards a full collapse

>>43592121
After intense sobbing and a nap I feel not better a bit less broken

>>43594070
I'm glad you got home safe. Please take care of yourself. One of my appointments had to get rescheduled cause they juat didn't show up and I had to wipe away tears setting up for next week at the desk.
It is eady to get overwhelmed but these events, these emotions, are overcomeable seemingly as you're still here to post. Do keep your head up

>>43583252
My girlfriend is currently in basic training and I sometimes put on her clothes and jack off while watching crossdressing porn

If she found out im bi she'd disown me

>>43591929
shit's so unfair, I hope there's some laser sandpaper etc way to actually improve things that a good derm will know

>>43594586
is this worse than the fact that it's ancient tradition to cheat on your significant other while they are away in the military?

>>43591929
>i got my ex-boyfriend to cut me
>my shitty fucking ex
he's a bad guy because he did the thing you specifically requested? are you retarded?

someone really close to me confess they are trans and i confess to them too. but i said i didnt want to do hrt for reasons and they said same. then i changed my mind started hrt and its been pretty much the most significant positive change in my life even tho im just manmoding.

should i tell them i started and maybe help or order for them or even gift my extra vial? i kinda bought it for them desu but i can always just stockpile. the reason i dont just do it is they have a career/house/marriage and mentioned being afraid hrt would change their sexuality. i dont want to destroy their life but im very conflicted because its been such a huge thing for me, but i didnt have a life to destroy. were both old, mid 30s a few years apart.

i would feel bad if it resulted in divorce, but i would also feel bad if they find out later ive been on hrt for years and never told them and then they notice changes and now they have to start late because i withheld info

idk what would you do nonas? i might give it to them for their birthday in a couple months. also they have never brought it up again despite growing out their hair and shaving and wearing some femme coded but gender neutral stuff so its never really been addressed for the last couple years so its not like something we talk about

>>43597108
all cutters are
anyone stupid enough to harm their shell and lower their chances of finding a partner is foolish and truly luck must be at their side to tie down someone willing to put up with that mental illness
Bruises, punctures and scars are badges of honour that you survived, not some angst you issue unto yourself. Only the most selfish person imaginable would do something like that and then have the gall to complain about it...

my boyfriend is a fascist white supremacist chud and i DO NOT CARE!! once upon a time i mightve cared but white trans women are vilified by our own community or murdered by sociopaths so fuck it! if the love of my life who is also one of the sweetest and most intelligent souls ive ever met wants to say the n word on twitter then i wont stop him.

>>43584323
Hot

weird thread with nothing to do with LGBT

>>43597393
You're low iq

>>43597393
im not your boyfriend
https://voca.ro/123cXjwn8Pu2

I did it, all of it. Everything they say is true and Id do it again!

>>43597445
You sound like I could snap you in half with my cock

>>43597575
leave your tag then

>>43597445
yea he doesnt hate indians as much as you do i think.. but he does sometimes show me instagram reels of them dying in stupid ways like looney tunes

>>43597432
bpd containment thread

>>43597393
based desu live your best life

bump

i keep having bpd meltdowns and running away from people. i’m so lonely and i really wish i had a group of friends i could have fun with but i can’t handle being close to anyone. why can’t i be normal

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>zero self-confidence
>don't know what I'm doing in life
>work saps all of my energy
>work doesn't pay too well so I'm also poor
>homelessness disguised as a recreational activity
>very boring person
>very shy
>doesn't have much to say
>autistic and monotone
>clumsy as hell
>underweight
>scared to try to find a date because I'm never around (always working), boring, poor, and low energy
>somewhat asexual because I'm embarassed of my body
all of this changes when I drink tho but I don't like drinking (makes me sick)
I just want to cuddle and go on adventures. maybe occasionally frot.

>>43600919
You aren't normal. Please accept this

>>43601254
This on the crowsnest? Feel like I recognize this fgp.
Either way I believe in you nona. I'm in a very similar situation but hoping this is something that can change with time and effort. we'll make it <3

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>>43601440
Omg you recognized it. Yes on highway 3 as I was driving from Alberta to BC. Very scenic c:
>I'm in a very similar situation but hoping this is something that can change with time and effort.
Let me know if you discover any secrets that help you c:

>>43601292
No one who is normal posts on 4chan, let alone in this thread.

We need more of these kinds of threads. Shame that children were used for the thread opener, so it gives this place pedo vibes when people talk about their personal break ups and sexual encounters

>>43601688
>sees children
>immediately thinks about sex
we get it, you're a repressed pedo. hope you get better, and good on you for identifying that it's wrong and not letting it get the best of you.
cheers!

>>43601794
Legit reading the thread here after its been up for a day

>>43597393
Some times its about survival and then you can think about the rest.

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>>43601640
Aah awesome. I did recognize it because I also drive up from alberta to bc semi often.
No advice yet but we're similar enough that I can tell you you're sick asf never kill yourself.

>>43595998
Back then they sacrificed their babies to bring rain and make the lands fertile. Something about humans is deranged when left to their devices. Cheating wasnt much of a worry until someone scientifically engineered the worst virus to mankind in the 80s

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>>43601876
You are too <3

>>43601876
>>43601976
I think you two are very special and seem very alive. I wish you two the absolute best.

I should have stopped pumping when you were saying red red. I should have but i just ignored it and kept going it made me feel powerful. When you were kicking and screaming i should have stopped and not kept you pinned down because i was "so close" when in fact it took me another ten minutes until i was satisfied. Now i have lost the only transgender gf i will ever have. I have lost the love of my life over two hours of pleasure. Im sorry. i hope you forgive me.

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>>43583252
trauma dump whatever

>dissosiated my entire life
>had feelings about being a girl grade 6-7 (heh)
>thought it was from being chubby
>parents were traditional slavic but slowly became more and more dysfunctional after immigrating
>dad went full schizo and was the main parent, mom was an absentee who just worked
>worked out a ton after high school, at around 19 saw a male body that was pretty good and hated it, tried to do the whole don't eat and workout cope for a month and being really skinny still hatred
>thought about it, maybe I want to be a girl, I would want a woman's body
>Make a lawyer-esque pro/counter case to myself
>thought yeah it lines up with dysphoria, got on hrt a month or so after my 21st birthday
>8ish months go by I feel better, like aging in the right direction ,eating, working out, sleeping
>at around 9ish months hrt I come out, dad finds the DIY delivered, rips it open, humiliated, calls me a pederast (pedo), brother (6 years younger) laughs it off, mom horrified
>dad slaps me, and terrorized me for a solid couple of months I can't really remmember what happened, it got crisis bad but i never ended up hospitalized
>dad died suddenly out of the blue, random sepsis
>he was our entire world (cult like schizo who hostaged family to keep his family sane), cried
>4-5 months out I try to come out to my mom/brother, I tell my brother and he says he will tell mom, she gets home and screams at me
>next day she goes into my room and finds my hormones (prescription), throws them out, i get them while she's not looking
>day after that she wakes me up with a knife and tells me to stop looking it up
>a week or so goes by and I setup a coffee chat, I tell her everything, why I want to transition, why it's good, how i feel
>she responds just by saying how can I know, and admits the only reason she is doing it is to delay me

it's been 1.5 years since that, still in this house, I don't know what to do.


oh banff picture from april :)

>>43602610
This sounds a serial killer on the loose

>>43583252
i was barely seen as a woman before so now wanting to be male feels twice as heavy. my undiagnosed aspergers fucked my whole life over, not to mention i was raised in a thirdworld shithole country and bullied while we're at it. i was never a person to begin with.

i'm not sure what my confession is, i guess saying i'm a tranner online feels taboo enough but a few days ago i saw the guy, now man, who bullied and harrassed me when i was in elementary to high school.

i just want to gouge his eyes out and watch him die slowly and painfully. i will never forgive him, because he doesn't deserve it. his life is already perfect as it is. why should i be permissive?

i'll never forgive myself either for being friendly and approachable.

>>43594678
you're right, i should see a specialist about it my gp doesn't know everything. im just really ashamed about it.
>>43597108
he was a shitty fucking ex for other reasons. crazy concept. he wasn't even that bad, we just aren't compatible and he's really lazy and uninterested in change. it's totally fine he agreed to cut me. it's fine that he cut me; i asked him to, and it was really stupid of me thats why this is a "confession"
like yeah, it was my fault. thats why i'm posting it in confessgen. im bitter about something i basically did to myself. i made my life worse for no reason and i blame someone else for it. thats the confession

>>43600919
you are in a state where you need to be on a leash in the hands of someone strong strict and fair. it sucks but you're basically baby, i recommend getting therapy since yeah

>>43601876
I miss nature like this