...but not in the way you probably thinkI'm was a GIGA omega AGP and have been ever since I was 13, the defining creative inspiration of my childhood was Corruption of Champions, and therefore as you might imagine, all of my of creative pursuits have been intertwined with my AGP sexual impulses I've been on HRT for like 12 years now and well, all of my AGP fantasises have gone away because as soon as I begin to entertain one, I realise that there's literally no reason why I can't just go out and do it IRL if I really wanted to, and that kills the fantasy for me This has some how managed to bleed over into SFW too, I was never super creative here, but I still managed to write a few SFW modern day/sci-fi settings back when I was a game master, but nowadays I read through my old work and think "HOLY FUCK, this is so.... boring".
>>44073045why does she have more cake than an overworked bakery the fuck
>>44073045anywayplease tell me someone else here can relate to my stupid postI had a fun dream last night where I was directing a giga agp movie where a live human actor (a captured repper who was playing me) was forced to get BA and lip filler, it was super fun, but then I woke up and realised that if I really wanted to, I could literally get lip filler before this end of this week, but remembered that I don't want to because I work in a classy office and I don't want to be judged... fantasy = DEAD, fun = NOT ALLOWED >>44073052she's an post-trans actress in the movie I was directing in my dream last night
>>44073045bump for op
>>44073045Depression just fried my brain, I am completely useless
>>44073059my dreams went away when I started HRT which is part of why I detransed.
i look like a man and im also not creative
>>44073045>I've been on HRT for like 12 years nowwhat was it like to troon out in 2014? that seems forever ago. any differences when compared to today?
>>44074611DIY hrt was slightly harder to get back then, no Lena for example, I got my HRT from a place called QHI which shut down and left me with no HRT for a while (well my parents forced me to detrans and I was too disappointed with my results to look for a replacement but they were all shit anyway) I boymoded till 2022 (yes, 8 year boymoder I know) so I can't speak too much on the social side of things, I was active on this board though and I can say that Blanchardism used to be much more dominant, people genuinely believed that you shouldn't transition if you were AGP, I basically brainwashed myself into believing I was just a lesbian in order to cope lmao (I'm actually asexual agp/agamp nowadays with occasional meta-attracted tendencies), trutrans/truscum were dominant idealogies here too. It's a weird contrast with how today people still care about malebrained/fembrained, but in a totally different context (A "divine" right to transition vs being able to socially integrate into a new social role), but I was a dumb teenager back then so maybe the more nuanced arguments went over my head and have since been forgotten entirelyRepper culture was way bigger, there was a /repgen/ and several trips who were outspoken reppers, one was called "Spartan", I think she was bipolar or something because she'd transition and then detransition on alternating 6 month cycles, I used to post in there as a 16 year old manmoder (I don't think boymoder gen was a thing at the time, nor was the distinct concept of manmoding vs boymoding desu)Oh yeah, I was really young at the time, but I'm pretty sure back in the earliest days of this board, it was dominated by regular cisgays, I can't remember there being many trans posts, the first thread I remember reading was about a TPE pet play BDSM relationship which completely blew my mind at the time and turned me into full blown submissive meta attracted cock sexual There were more TERFs on the board back then too, not many though
>>44074611Oh I spoke way to much about my experience on 4chanThe concept of transgender was very much on the fringe of public knowledge, like everyone knew what a tranny was, but it was basically never in the news, and if it was, then it'd usually be a really positive story about how someone "born in the wrong body" was saved by modern medicine, or it'd be a gag in a TV show/movie. My dad for example, used to talk about how he hated faggots but would felt sorry for trannies. Even when he caught me cross dressing, he said that he just pitied me, and felt that I was extremely unlucky to have such a severe disorder (still kicked me out though), whereas he hated my cousin who was a flamboyant homosexual and insisted that he chose to be that wayLikewise, most people wouldn't assume you was trans if you were doing GNC behaviour in public, they'd just assume that you was a weird homosexual crossdresser, especially if made an effort to dress in a stand out way as opposed to just trying to fit in. The flip side to this is that it was a LOT easier to pass back then - just have a semi decent voice, visible breasts and dress normally. That was it. Additionally there was a very low chance of running into trannies elsewhere on the internet, I remember reading through obvious AGP threads on the fucking world of warcraft forums that would have 20+ pages of people talking about the blatant repper topics imaginable, nobody would mention the topic of potentially being trans, no trans flag pfp accounts either until like 2016 at the earliest r/MTF wasn't the most popular trans sub on reddit, it was r/askTransgender, I can't really remember much about it but it was suprisingly truscumy, there were even some BlanchardistsSusansplace was the biggest trans forum on the internet at the time I think, idk if you've heard of it, but it was gigahon central, I remember reading a thread about how someone was struggling to repair their car after starting HRT and developing"girl brain"
>>44073045>>44073059>>44075537>>44075632The fuck are you trying to say? Saying stupid shit like this is female brained. You pass mentally. FEMALE BRAINED BOTTOMS
>>44073045Idk whether to say I'm sorry for your loss of creativity or congratulations for your loss of agp. Also semi related but hrt gave me aphantasia
>>44074611all in all>MTF trans community was worse in about every single way>but very few overt trenders >harder to DIY >easier to pass>public narrative towards trans people was better>trans people were rarely in the news >BUT people were more transphobic interpersonally >the "goal" of transitioning was 100% to get full stealth, the idea of being openly trans or godforbid, a lifelong twinkhon, was a dealbreaker for most people>>44075640in my first post I talk about how I used to be a filthy agp fantasist who'd write stories about silly agp stuff like being captured by an half demon incubi who'd kidnap me and force me to drink a bimbofication potion or something and being his loving slutty wife (yes that's an actual story I wrote at 14), i even made some games on tftggamessitein my first and second post I talk about how now that I've fully transed my agp is a lot weaker and thus I find it hard to fantasise about things anymore, including SFW stuff for some reason, it's just not interesting to me, maybe i'm just depressed in my third and fourth post I talk about mtf/tttt historyoh yeah this reminds me, the whole FEM BRAINED BOTTOMS meme started in like 2018 too I think >>44075647I miss being agp desu, it's not like I replaced it with a real sexuality except minor meta attracted androphilia that isn't really enough to sustain a relationship with a horny man >aphantasiathat's insaneSSRIs (fuck them so much fuck them fuck them) made my visualisation skills worse, but I can still picture a clear and crisp apple, and then imagine myself biting it and watching the exposed flesh glisten in the sun light radiating through the window on a horrible summers day
>>44075712>I miss being agp desuAgp is a moral negative, you should be glad that you are free but I'm sorry that the lack of it is getting in the way of ur relationships with men.> but I can still picture a clear and crisp apple, and then imagine myself biting it and watching the exposed flesh glisten in the sun light radiating through the window on a horrible summers dayGod I wish I could do that, that sounds so nice and would make me happy. Instead I get cursed with hrt taking away my visualizations because I'm a fake trans hon
>>44074106ah yeah that happened to me too :( I need to Thalasin to feel anything at all (including fear and other overtly negative emotions, I'm basically a robot)https://youtu.be/Td2x8s9GZlo?is=-KiYLUpRc_CMEI0X>>44074368nona WTF that could just be because you're falling into light sleep after your final REM cycle instead of going directly from REM to waking, you're still dreaming, you're just not waking up at the right time to remember themunless you meant "aspirational dreams" and not "sleeping dreams">>44075730>God I wish I could do that, that sounds so nice and would make me happy. Instead I get cursed with hrt taking away my visualizations because I'm a fake trans honeh i think it would be scary to lose it but I don't really get much out having that skill desu, I think it helps me to do math/problem solve because I often imagine diagrams and shapes and trees when trying to solve abstract logic problems, but unfortunately I no longer derive any pleasure from vividly visualising visiting an alien civilisation who give me super HRT that turns me into a female member of their species (yes that was a common fantasy for me back in the day)>Agp is a moral negative, you should be glad that you are free but I'm sorry that the lack of it is getting in the way of ur relationships with men.why is it a moral negative? because I don't engage in mutual love with my fellow humans?
>>44073045>dedicate your life to being a creep>stop being a creep>nothing left hmm
>>44075802there's nothing inherently creepy about being asex agp you have been mentally colonised by cishets if you think otherwise
>>44075779>eh i think it would be scary to lose it but I don't really get much out having that skill desuNot really scary as much as it just sucks. Tho I do see it as a sign that I'm a fake troon who needs to stop with estrogen despite my addiction to it.>why is it a moral negative? Mostly because it's an optics nuke (unless ur a passoid, then it's morally acceptable imo) also because it's an innately selfish/self centered thing.t. fake trans agp gigahon
>>44073045>I've been on HRT for like 12 years now and well, all of my AGP fantasises have gone away because as soon as I begin to entertain one, I realise that there's literally no reason why I can't just go out and do it IRL if I really wanted to, and that kills the fantasy for mejust do the shit that even the cis normies find too spicy taboo etc (with me)
>>44075839>Tho I do see it as a sign that I'm a fake troon who needs to stop with estrogen despite my addiction to it.i find this really strange, but I don't think that means you're a fake tranner nona, I have two cisf friends (both of whom are smarter than me) who have aphantasia)aphantasia is just one of the most common mental quirks, some people have no internal dialogue, apparently it's unusual that I have no internal ability to imagine touch/temperature >Mostly because it's an optics nuke (unless ur a passoid, then it's morally acceptable imo) also because it's an innately selfish/self centered thingoh yeah, I'm an optics alarmist too, but I just don't tell cissoids about it lol, I only tell my other tranny friends if I think they'll understand, I once told a guy I was fucking that I found it erotic to doll myself up (he didn't seem to react or care that much) >innately selfish/self centered maybe, I'd argue that just makes it neutral, because externally focused sexualities have to the potential to HARM in addition to the ability to create mutual pleasure >>44075884maybe I just need to go to pluto with my kinks yeah... unfortunately my most extreme agp kink is literally just going to a club dressed up super slutty and acting like a mildly ditzy basic bitch... which again is something that I could literally do tonight if I really wanted to (and within a fortnight if I really wanted to go all out with new clothes + bleached hair + extensions + gel french tips + fake tan + persona practice and so on)stuff like TPE relationships/extreme BDSM/weird stuff like inflation or whatever just never caught on with me t_t
>>44076114>my most extreme agp kink is literally just going to a club dressed up super slutty and acting like a mildly ditzy basic bitchdamn girl that's kinda basic beckystart cooking up agp shit that you can do with your bf in public that really activates your shame neurons to get that taboo boost (without being too much of a dick to the general public ofc)
>>44076114>i find this really strange, but I don't think that means you're a fake tranner nonait's just one of many things that proves I'm a fake troon.>oh yeah, I'm an optics alarmist toodespite being a passoid who probably wants hons like me dead (this isn't a you specific thing, all passoids are like that) I think ur cool :)> I once told a guy I was fucking that I found it erotic to doll myself up (he didn't seem to react or care that much)Men and male brained individuals don't give a shit about how their partners get off all they care about is cumming from their cocks, which is really hot mind u but still that's their thought process.>maybe, I'd argue that just makes it neutralI mean I guess but in combination with its nature as an optics nuke means it has a negative footprint in society
