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File: Christmas Kaiju.jpg (129 KB, 512x512)
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"Christmas Kaiju" edition

Previous: >>24922069

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.
(And maybe double-space your WIPs to allow edits if you want 'em.)

Simple guides on writing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

Thread theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-6wAKAdCd0
>>
Epistemology is a bottomless pit. There is no way to have a coherent system of beliefs that doesn’t implicitly require faith. One example of this is assuming one’s memories are accurate. It could be argued that one’s current observer-moment is consistent with one’s memories being true. However, this requires a mind reasoning about epistemology to grok one’s entire system of justifications for everything within one observer-moment. Another example is justifying inductive reasoning. It could be argued that inductive reasoning being observed to work is evidence that it works in general, but this requires you to believe in your memories, and is dependent on prior probabilities. Different possibilities exist on a spectrum of “inductiveness” based on how continuous they are with the past. For example, “the sun will rise tomorrow” has higher inductiveness than “the sun will rise tomorrow, but from the west instead of the east”. However, for a human mind, the only way to compute the inductiveness of something seems to be through intuition, which requires having faith in one’s intuition. If intuition is the ultimate source of people’s epistemologies, and people have differing intuitions, this is why disagreements persist indefinitely. Another way of ranking epistemologies is by how much information they generate. By assuming my memories and intuition are accurate, I can construct an entire narrative about what the world is like that I cannot do otherwise. I believe in a multiverse and I think there is a high probability that at least one superintelligent being exists in the multiverse. However, I think logical possibility and mathematics most likely exist platonically and are unbreakable. 2+2 equaling anything other than 4 is most likely always and forever impossible, I think. Possible ways of reframing the question are “How godly is the most godlike being?”, or “to what degree do godlike beings have a causal effect on our immediate reality?”. Suppose a god exists that is logically omnipotent. It cannot create paradoxes, violate mathematics, or do anything else logically impossible. However, it is omnipotent as long as it meets these conditions. In other words, it can introduce any further fact. Since we are not logically omniscient, we cannot know the exact limits of its capabilities. This could be called something like the “ceiling of logical possibility”. If there is a low ceiling, lots of hypothetical things are logically or mathematically impossible, and reality is much more inherently limited. However, the problem of evil is much easier to answer if this is true and the god is benevolent. If there is a high ceiling, reality is much more versatile, and potential capabilities in this reality are much more limitless. The problem of evil is much harder to answer, but cosmic rescue missions are more likely to be possible.
>>
>>24928958
>>24928978
There are occasionally anons who write good stuff. Rabbit Catcher had promise. I really wish Hell-Anon had finished his book.
>>
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>>24931371
when does she fuck the two black men?
>>
>>24931349
>I really wish Hell-Anon had finished his book.
Dude that guy is literally like 5 years old
Having to draw that far back is so bleak for this thread
>>
>>24931403
>we went from Hell-Anon, Pirate Twinks, Goblin Fantasy, Litfic contemporary, 1880's Historical Fiction, Contemporary Art works, and other interesting works.
>to Victoriaslop
We have fallen
>>
>>24931403
My records say Hell-Anon was 3 1/2 years ago.
>>
Threadly reminder that genreslop is not encouraged here. We want to cultivate writers. Not cartoonists.
>>
>>24931348
>dude weed lmao
On a serious note, I'm working on the same themes so let me chew this up.

>Epistemology is a bottomless pit.
why? because your understanding of it is insufficient? see how you force the reader to draw conclusions you don't want them to draw because you fail to substantiate your claim?
This goes for the majority of your sentences
why?
> to grok one’s entire system
do what now
>a spectrum of “inductiveness”
a what now
>seems to be through intuition
seems to you maybe
>which requires having faith in one’s intuition
intuition doesn't require faith at all
I can intuit something without having to believe it or even disbelieving it

>disagreements persist indefinitely
do they? it doesn't follow from the previous statement, nothing says any set of ideas necessarily has to contradict another
>I can construct an entire narrative about what the world is like
I bet
>I believe in a multiverse
ok random, why
>I think there is a high probability that at least one superintelligent being exists
ok why
>logical possibility and mathematics most likely exist platonically
what makes you think that

>logically omnipotent
what now
>It cannot create paradoxes, violate mathematics, or do anything else logically impossible.
why not, how do you know, do you claim to be omniscient?
>omnipotent as long as
so not omnipotent
>any further fact
what do you mean with fact here
>we cannot know the exact limits of its capabilities
exactly, so you just defeated all your previous points
>This could be called something like the “ceiling of logical possibility”
It could also be called something like the "floopy honky paradoodle"
>lots of hypothetical things are logically or mathematically impossible
that's why they're hypothetical
>the problem of evil
you never formulated the problem
who says it's a problem?
> the god
which one of the most godly of most godlike beings in which multiverse?
>potential capabilities in this reality are much more limitless
"more limitless" indicates a scale of limitlessness, which is nonsensical; what is a little limitless, what is a lot limitless? this bottomless pit is less bottemless than that bottomless pit! see how that doesn't work
and why should potency be limited in the first place? isn't god omnipotent?
>cosmic rescue missions
the what now? you mean divine intervention?

verdict: your jumble of schizo ramblings is barely legible
not a single sentence works towards a coherent argument, you contradict yourself, it is full of logical fallacies and made up terminologies, and nothing is properly introduced, explained or supported.
learn how to form paragraphs for your arguments, make them reasonable and articulate, and read some actual philosophy start with the classics
and lay off the weed
>>
>>24931371
when is the part where subdues barbarian kings with her bbc, is this even pegfiction
>>
>>24931526
That's in a later chapter as she grows more sadistic and perverted. This chapter is her having her gay servant buck break a few black slaves. It's not going to be enough for her to dehumanize black slaves, but she'll set out to conquer white barbarians and Asian twinks and make them all get pegged.
>>
>>24931534
can't wait to not read it
>>
Questerest thou ane verbequence illwhenceforth plether ought gleaned? Sharlent-I forsorn th'futle pernaturely thence't be so? Whyly seemst.
>>
I got 3rd place in a writing contest and earned 200 euros for it.
This is my greatest accomplishment as a human bean.
>>
>>24931349

I finished writing a book.
>>
>>24931616
Post it here so retards can make up reasons why it’s bad
>>
>>24931645
I can't, the story will be published in a magazine and is in Finnish anyway.
>>
>>24931616
>>24931650
Was it Portti? I heard they halved the prizes, but 200 for 3rd place? What a bunch of poorfags
>>
>>24931722
They can't afford to rent out a space for an event to hand out the prizes either
>>
>>24931749
Jesus christ. Well, congrats anyway!
>>
>>24931650
>>24931722
How fucking small is your country you figured out which contest it was instantly with no real clues lol
>>
>>24928766
>>24928840
This makes sense actually since you both posted excerpts from shit novels.
>>
>>24931543
But you should support your fellow anon authors
>>
>>24931371
How are her lips shaped like daggers?
>>
>>24932040
If you don't like anything Vonnegut ever wrote I don't think I could even consider you human.
>>
>>24931996
Poland lol
>>
>>24929790
Still waiting for you to pyw. Your crit was cliché and vague, reeking of bucket crab mentality. I'd like you to pyw so you can get a taste of real critique.
Who knows! Maybe you're really good
>>
>>24932221
Everyone here is a fucking crab and does nothing but mercilessly shit on anyone who posts their work. At least in the poetry general you occasionally get someone who actually likes reading anything at all.
>>
Should you accept ChatGPT's critiques? It says my style is overwrought and I need to trim like 70% of my metaphors and shorten my sentences but that's just the way I write
>>
>>24932323
Not chatgpt's but I do consider Claude's valid. As for accepting, however, not so much. Claude is a lot better for critique and analysis but you definitely still need to pick and choose much like you would with a normal human being reading your work for crit.
>>
>>24932224
>Everyone here is a fucking crab and does nothing but mercilessly shit
Speak for yourself, crab. I give honest critique.
>>
>Please note that all manuscripts are read and considered for publication, but, due to the volume of submissions we receive, we are unable to provide a personal response to each one
>best of luck with your writing
I don't understand. Can someone translate this into plain English?
>>
>>24932590
That is plain English
>>
>>24931348
Is this bait
>>
>>24932621
Of course it's not, plain English would be:
>We get a metric fuckton of submissions and so they mean nothing to us so don't hold out for us to acknowledge your existence beyond this automated response
>fuck you in your writing
>>
>>24932590
>Don't call us, we won't call you either
>>
>>24932590
>please don't get mad and start an online revenge campaign or harass our employees when we ignore you, you fucking schizo
>>
>>24931844
"Finland" and "magazine" were the only clues needed lol. There's only one magazine left in the whole country that still hosts writing contests, and they announce the results at this time of the year. Didn't take Sherlock Holmes.
>>
>>24932124
sounds awfully woke
i will not support trash
>>
>>24932776
>only one magazine left for writing contests in the whole country
Grim
>>
>>24932796
Even that one has been on life support from government's culture funding, which was drastically cut down last year. We're witnessing the death of a language in real time.
>>
>>24932221
If you cry like this when someone critiques you, why do you wonder no one critiques you? ngmi
>>
>>24932818
Well, I couldn't name any Finnish authors anyway so it can't be a big loss.
>>
>Finish chapter
>Know it’s shit
Do I soldier on and hope to fix it in editing or slit my wrists?
>>
>>24933221
Both. As you lay bleeding , a strike of genius will appear to you, and compel you to finish.
>>
>>24933221
If you cant fix it in editing you should just quit writing forever. That's like forfeiting the game on strike one.
>>
I should put a warning label on my book:
>The follow literary cinema has a proven 90% chance of filtering you
>You will probably not be able to grasp the metaphors or subtext and the book is actually laughing at you over this
>You're free to put the book down now and avoid embarrassing yourself
>>
>>24933336
holy cringe
>>
How do anons write their book titles? Nothing's been sticking with me.
>>
>>24933355
I use a random number generator and then feed it into gematria, assign the words to numbers on a dice, roll the dice, then pick the antonym of the word that is rolled. Then I ask a five year old to explain what that word means, audio record it, and pick every third word. That will be the title.
>>
Randomly found an old word document with story ideas and discarded short stories. Maybe old me is telling me I should stick to reading and less writing.

Idea 1: Guy is confused why waiters recognize him.

Idea 2: Thanksgiving. A family is gathered and the mundane bickering begins. Protagonists is obsessed with recreating a dish that his grandmother constantly insults his mother of making incorrectly. While other family members argue over politics and opera.

Idea 3: 4th person narrative story where he follows around a person who narrates their life.

Idea 4: Family of lizard people that exist to destroy mankind through subtle manipulations. The youngest son of the family is incredibly bad at doing this. Constantly does things that accidentally make people's lives better. Is considered a failure by his family.
>>
>>24932854
Is this a joke post? The anons here love it when writers cry about the crit they get. They'd be piling onto me if that critique held any weight.
>>
>>24933336
>>You're free to put the book down now
don't mind if I do
>>
Retarded question but what's the best way to share a longer excerpt without requiring you guys to download some shit? I wanna share my prologue for critique but it's like 2000 words long so I can't share it in a single image like everyone else.
>>
>>24933536
https://rentry.co/
>>
>>24933426
Yeah, please don't write anymore.
>>
https://rentry.co/tds3casx
Thank you to the other anon who gave me the link, and I would appreciate any critique from anyone, no matter how harsh, as long as it's constructive. This story has been floating around in my head for about 2 years now, so I finally decided to type it up. I think this is almost perfect right now, but I've never written anything like this before, so I need to know from you guys if I'm delusional about my current level.
>>
>>24933655
>I think this is almost perfect
You're delusional about your current level.
>>
>>24933655
You mix up past and present tense and you should consider pacing paragraphs with more regularity, it seems to be broken up randomly into smaller lines and big blocks of text, not very inviting.
>>
>>24933680
I make a new line whenever a new person speaks/whenever a new person is the 'focus' of the text so the lines will be shorter in conversation vs being larger paragraphs when a single character is thinking or having a monologue. I thought it looked okay but maybe it's a nasty habit.
>>
>>24933662
Please elaborate. Also to be fair, I don't mean perfect in the literal sense of it being a perfect flawless block of text, rather it's almost perfect in the sense that it wouldn't get much better if I sat and continued to edit it for another few weeks or longer. Perfect for where I am now. Though I'm open to being wrong about that as well.
>>
>>24933495
You have a point. By the way, I am cursed, not by fire or frost, but by an insidious silence—the curse of The Echoing Void. It is a hunger that consumes memory, not my own, but the memory others hold of me. The mechanics are cruelly simple: every seven days, the minds of those I interact with perform a subtle, unconscious purge. Significant emotional experiences—a deep conversation, a shared laugh, a minor disagreement—remain, but the context of my involvement begins to fray. My face becomes marginally less distinct, my name less readily recalled unless deliberately repeated. My physical presence is remembered, yet my emotional weight evaporates. This isn't oblivion; it's attenuation. A friend remembers a delightful evening at a cafe, but if asked who suggested the unique coffee, they genuinely can’t place me. A colleague will remember a vital piece of advice they received, but the moment they try to attribute it to me, my image momentarily fuzzes, and they ascribe the wisdom to a vague, shared experience. It's a continuous, slow-motion erasure from the periphery of others' minds. The true torment lies in the isolation. I exist perpetually on the cusp of intimacy, forging connections only to have them subtly slip. I am the essential ingredient forgotten in the recipe, the voice always a little too quiet in the crowd. The curse forces me to constantly re-establish my very existence, fighting the slow, inevitable creep of becoming a familiar, yet fundamentally unimportant, stranger.
>>
>>24933739
>100% AI generated shitpost
sad
>>
>>24933689
It's a nasty habit.
Imagine a flashback, which is essentially a memory, a thought played out, takes up a major part in a novel, do you expect it to be written as a continuous string of text spanning dozens of pages, or that the author took effort to cut it up into readable paragraphs?
Any story can contain different scenes and sections, but you should still divide sections into a standard lay-out. Obviously dialogue follows its own rules, and it happens that paragraphs can vary in length, but it's different when it is done with intent by writers who know what they're doing instead of laziness or incompetence.

>>24933699
Brother, you can't even get your tenses right.
>Issac takes note of the wind, it's blowing about a few miles east, he'd have to adjust his aim. He steps, quieter, quieter, and quieter still. (...) He'd have to get closer. Take note of where you step.
Present
>He took extreme care not to step on dry leaves or twigs, anything that could give away his position.
Past

There is no reason for this. I'm not even getting into inconsistencies in the story and poor narration choices that I picked up on a quick glance. If you can't get basic stuff right I'm not even going to read it, let alone provide you with constructive criticism. Don't pretend you made something perfect.
>>
>>24933689
Break up your text into paragraphs. The big chunk in the beginning about Isaac has lots of different distinct thoughts and cues where a line break should be applied. The same goes for Dawson's monologue.
>>
>>24933763
>>24933775
Definitely will test and adjust re: paragraph lengths. My perspective is ofc biased so those parts being unappealing didn't register. I'll get better with it the more I experitment.
>>
>>24933789
Never say anything you did is perfect again. Every serious author/artist know they have a blind spot. This is why perfectionists get obsessed until they finally submit something agreeable and still see flaws and regrets long after publication.
>>
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I prefer American convention so that the same symbol isn't used for dialogue and contractions (isn't).
>>
>guy who can’t even maintain proper tenses gets more gentle and in-depth critique than any other writing in the past 3 threads
Lol
>>
>>24933859
Do you beat up everyone with Down syndrome for fumbling their words?
>>
>>24933859
because he said his writing was almost perfect
>>
>>24933826
Hey, this is pretty good. I bet if you published this, some people would really like it.
>>
>>24933826
this is completely unrealistic
how does someone pull a cake from his pocket?
he unpacks a whole kitchen stall next and starts eating sausages as people just sit and watch while he broke into their home?
this doesn't make any sense, it's ridiculous trash
>>
>>24931371
I always knew this bitch was a slut. They are always sluts before they become saints.
>>
>>24933655
>if I'm delusional about my current level.
yes, you are delusional. i wish i could be more helpful than that, but don't know where to begin. good luck tho
>>
>>24933879
This is a more brutal takedown of anon than just saying his writing sucks lol
>>
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>>24933655
>He steps, quieter, quieter, quieter, quieter, quieter, quieter, quieter, quieter, and quieter still.
>Take note of where you (who???) step.
>He’d continue with this hunt regardless >>>>>though<<<<
I picked out these three examples to make fun of your work with and then lost interest.
>I think this is almost perfect
pic
>>
>>24933789
It's not even a matter of appeal, it's just terribly wrong
>>
>>24933426
i don't think these are bad ideas in themselves. in the hands of a talented writer, you could have pure gold here.
>>
>>24933355
titles are hard to write and come by gradually. i suggest that at different points you brainstorm ideas, write them all down, but don't be in a hurry about it. eventually one of those ideas or another one will be more persistent than the rest and you'll start thinking of your book by that title. if you can't think of your own title, use the cop out method of picking a line from the bible, a poem, or a led zeppelin song.
>>
>>24933355
My book title has like 4 meanings so it makes sense
>>
>>24931322
>write 10K words in a week
>run out of steam and stop writing for 6 months
I hate myself
>>
>>24934148
>Goal was to write 50k words in a year
>Reach 50k in Early August
>Celebrate and relax a little
>December
>Currently at 60k words
Sigh...
>>
>>24934157
I envy your persistence.
>>
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I'm intrigued by the Greek concept of the genius, the sort of guardian angel or second spirit that follows you around everywhere as well as Julian Jaynes' interpretation of it. I want to introduce it in one of my stories as a second self without calling it any of that. Basically a second version of you person, someone who sits and walks beside you and watches every mistake you make, trying to help you if you would just listen and who can be a connection to the divine for you by taking the shape of deities and appearing to you. But also those with the skill are able to send forth similar to an astral projection or messenger.
What would be a good name fur such an entity that isn't "genius" or "inner/second/spiritual/astral self"?
>>
>>24934182
>another phone call from mom
>DONT PLAY COMPUTER TOO MUCH
>EAT PUMPKIN
>okay
>DID YOU HEAR ME? DONT PLAY COMPUTER. EAT PUMPKIN.
>everyone on 4chan starts talking about pumpkins
>wifi goes off repeatedly, power goes out too but only once because it was probably annoying to the neighbors
>>
>>24934245
Wat?
>>
>Start dating again
>Lose all desire to write, lose all capacity to plan
What the hell? I thought it would be the opposite.
>>
>>24934423
Nevermind, she's going back to her ex. Looks like I'm heading back into the lab
>>
Someone post prompt ideas for practice
>>
>>24934504
Steal these>>24933426
>>
>>24934484
>An hour on the dot
Impressive
>>
>>24934711
I felt the same way. There's definitely something to it. Weird because I thought it was going well between us. Oh well.
>>
>16 pages done this week on a new project

How we doing fellas? You meeting those targets
>>
>>24934782
no
>>
Hi /lit/ sometimes I ask lit to give feedback on my writing because it helps having an outside source tell me things.
This is a minor excerpt of my intro to a lovecraftian inspired horror anthology- please let me know thoughts. Sorry for the formatting.

In the shadows of dusk, the woods were warped, winding, like tendrils reaching out, yearning for something just beyond their grasp. I too felt that call, whispers on the edges of my mind, to return to a village, though never had I set foot there before. I clasped that tattered book tightly against my chest, full of tales of extraordinary perversion and madness. With every page I read, I felt as a grain of sand being swallowed whole by a raging sea, sinking towards some unfathomable horror awaiting in the depths. At that village. But still, I had to press on. To learn of what I would find there, what spark that must have ignited these flames seared into these pages, to peer beyond the veil of myth and fable and see what is true, and to take it as my own. I had to know. And I would be the first to regale the world with epics and poems like had never been heard before, for that is my craft, my passion, my desire. And you too, my patrons. Your desire, is to listen. To feed on my words like fish at the hook. And as I drew ever closer to that place, I knew I would find the greatest of stories to offer as your feast. But I get ahead of myself. I am a travelling raconteur. A storyteller, a weaver of words. My name is of no import, for a true poet is no more than his words. I once was patroned by lords, though my tales have grown familiar as of late. And nothing more unpalatable than ubiquity to those seeking to be thrilled and entertained. Thus was I off to distant lands, to places seldom gone, in order to find tales of such oddity, suspense, of something that none could conjure up with minds brined in the dullness of everyday life, that I find myself now pursuing what lies at the heart of these words, in this book. I stared outside the carriage, the trotting of hooves mixed with the creaking of wood and wheel, howling wind and the trembling of trees from every side resounded through the night. A glint on the road. A shimmer. Inspiration. What was it I saw, mineral or rock, a trick of the light, or something else entirely? Immediately, my thoughts filled with a tale I had read, a story of a stone, and a child whose home would be shaken to their very foundations.
>>
>>24931322
>able to write well in the moment when my emotions are in sync
>turn into a sloth when not
Is my issue not being able to write something regardless of mood, or not being able to convert my mood on demand?
>>
>>24934876
"Shadows spun like tendrils wound from the dusklit woods, seemingly yearning for something.

I too felt that call. On the edge of my mind I felt the whispers of returning to a village, though I'd never set foot there before. I clasped a tattered book to my chest..."
>>
>>24934924
That's gorgeous, much snappier and with the same kind of hook. I think I sometimes play with rhythm and length of prose in an odd way that doesn't always convey what I intend.
I very much appreciate your suggestion- and I appreciate you taking your time to respond.
>>
Odd question, but does anyone here have any "helper forms" - character sheets, outline templates, that sort of thing - that you use before/during your writing? I've kinda got an idea in my head, but I'm not sure quite how to give it form just yet, and I'd like to see what you motherfuckers (complimentary) use, if anything.
>>
>>24934975
I don't use anything
>>
>>24934876
>I too felt that call, whispers on the edges of my mind, to return to a village, though never had I set foot there before.
If "that call" in this sentence refers to "to return to that village", then who else felt it? Because the narrator felt it "too". This is unclear. The context doesn't clarify either, since it was just described that trees yearn for something unreachable. Is it logical that trees "feel a call from the whispers of their mind to return to a village"? By saying "I too felt that call", the narrator implicitly anthropomorphizes trees, by making it as though they felt "the call" first. Was that your intent?
>that tattered book
I assume the book was introduced prior to this reference, unless you meant to expose the reader to the experience of the narrator "mid thouht" or without reference.
>With every page I read, I felt as a grain of sand being swallowed whole by a raging sea, sinking towards some unfathomable horror awaiting in the depths. At that village.
So the village is at the bottom of the sea. I got it, but I'm not sure everyone else will, because this is counterintuitive imagery.
>But still, I had to press on. To learn of what I would find there, what spark that must have ignited these flames seared into these pages, to peer beyond the veil of myth and fable and see what is true, and to take it as my own.
What myth, what fable? What does this veil refer to here?
It's not clear what he wants to take as his own. A spark? Some truth? These are both things the narrator is trying to investigate, why does he already know he wants to take these as his own before knowing what he will find?
>I had to know. And I would be the first to regale the world with epics and poems like had never been heard before, for that is my craft, my passion, my desire. And you too, my patrons.
Are the patrons his craft, his passion, his desire, or are you saying the patrons share his craft, his passion, his desire? It doesn't make sense for his patrons to share his passion "to regale the world with epics and poems".
>Your desire, is to listen.
Comma is unnecessary
>To feed on my words like fish at the hook.
Fish don't feed on hooks, so what is the narrator trying to do with his words? Are his words empty lies to ensnare his audience? Didn't he just say he was trying to find truth in some book in order to spread it to his patrons? What happened to that?
(1/2)
>>
>>24935036
>And as I drew ever closer to that place, I knew I would find the greatest of stories to offer as your feast.
Again, how did he know before getting there?
>But I get ahead of myself.
So it seems.
>I am a travelling raconteur. A storyteller, a weaver of words.
That has already been established.
>My name is of no import, for a true poet is no more than his words.
Why so? Am I supposed to take this at face value as his philosophy? What value has this credo to the audience? I never cared to know his name in the first place, and I didn't need his excuse for me not knowing either.
>I once was patroned by lords, though my tales have grown familiar as of late.
Familiar to whom? To lords? To himself? Just in general?
>And nothing more unpalatable than ubiquity to those seeking to be thrilled and entertained.
Yes but it has been made ubiquitously clear that the narrator is a teller of stories looking for stories to tell. Every sentence has essentially revealed this again and again. You're right, it's not thrilling or entertaining.
>Thus was I off to distant lands, to places seldom gone, in order to find tales of such oddity, suspense, of something that none could conjure up with minds brined in the dullness of everyday life, that I find myself now pursuing what lies at the heart of these words, in this book.
Why is he reading a book and simultaneously speaking to his audience?
>I stared outside the carriage, the trotting of hooves mixed with the creaking of wood and wheel, howling wind and the trembling of trees from every side resounded through the night.
Started with what? Which carriage? Why is he go outside of it?
>A glint on the road. A shimmer. Inspiration. What was it I saw, mineral or rock, a trick of the light, or something else entirely? Immediately, my thoughts filled with a tale I had read, a story of a stone, and a child whose home would be shaken to their very foundations.
So he found inspiration in a rock on a dirt road? Then why did he need the book? And where did the book go?
(2/2)
>>
>>24934876
Does a "true poet" try to plagiarize some dusty old book because he ran out of stories to tell?
>>
Shadows spun like tendrils wound from the dusklit woods toward the village. At their edge, beneath the crooked trees, Elysa and Seriph played.

“I got you” Elysa cried, grabbing hold of her sister’s gown.
Nearly tearing her dress she pulled hard, bringing Seriph to the ground who began to cry. Stopping, Elysa looked at her.
“Why are you crying” she laughed, tormenting her. Elysa was twelve, nearly four years older than Seriph and perhaps twice as big. The two girls often fought though it was usually Elysa who ended up winning.
Snot trickled down Seriph’s face in a stream of tears, and between sobs she pleaded with her sister:
“Mom says you’ve got to be nice to me”.
Elysa smirked.
“I am, aren’t I? I’m playing with you”.
Seriph cried harder.
“Not like that” she sobbed again.
Elysa’s look saddened into a dour one.
She stood for a second staring at Seriph, feeling sorry for her.
The two had been born in the village of Aselph where they had lived all their life. Their mother was a seamstress and they lived alone.
She had kept promising Elysa to find her work in the castle, but for months now nothing had come of it. So Elysa played with her little sister and pretended not to enjoy it.
“Come on, we need to get back” Elysa said in a worried voice “it’s past curfew”.
Face pointed down and crying still Seriph rose gently to her feet, the hem of her lily white gown stained visibly with black clods of Earth. Elysa took her Seriph by her hand and began to march.
Seriph, sniffing, looked up and asked: “where are we”. Elysa remained silent.
They had been walking for half an hour when it became evident to Elysa that they were lost and couldn't find the way home. She dare not say anything to Seriph lest she stop again to cry.

[...]

What happens next, /lit/?
>>
>>24935129
>What happens next, /lit/?
You go back and put the proper punctuation marks in the dialogue before the dialogue tags. Also, punctuation marks go inside the quotation marks.
>>
I should just write what I like, especially while I'm trying to build skill, since even if I do market research odds are everyone else will be 'writing to market' too and make me look too samey?
>>
>>24935159
>>24935129
Why do people do this?
It takes more effort to leave out the punctuation than it does to put it in...
>>
>>24935272
Remember that a shitload of people can barely read at a 6th grade level these days. Expecting those people to write at anything above a first-grade level is akin to begging God for a night with your favorite porn star: You can ask all you want, but that shit ain't fucking happening unless you have the best luck in the world.
>>
>>24935282
Except you have miscalculated:
I don't have a favorite porn star. So I have more chances of getting retards to remember second grade writing lessons than I do getting a night of sex with no one.
>>
>>24935159
I beg your pardon?
>>
>>24935301
Here's the second sentence of >>24935129 as an example:
>“I got you” Elysa cried, grabbing hold of her sister’s gown.
There should be a comma between "you" and the quotation mark:
>"I got you," Elysa cried, grabbing hold of her sister's gown.
That whole post is full of similar fuck-ups. You might be able to fool some retard raised on TikTok, but serious writers and readers will notice that shit and think poorly of whoever made basic-ass mistakes like that. Like >>24935287 said, this is basic-ass second-grade bullshit. If someone can't do that shit even in a first draft, they need to stop sharing their shit in public where it can, will, and should be ripped to absolute shreds.
>>
>>24935324
Nigga it's not even a first draft, it's a bit of fun. And who gives a shit if there's no comma between the punctuation.
>>
>>24935341
>being sloppy just because it's a first draft
Shameful
>nigga
Hard r me or go home, bitch.
>who gives a shit
Two people minimum.
>>
>>24935341
>who gives a shit
YOU should give a shit. I don't know if being an idiot came naturally to you, if you were raised to be an idiot, or if you became an idiot through blunt force trauma - but if you don't give a shit about the kind of basic grammar and sentence structure you were supposed to have learned when you were a kid, nobody is going to give a shit about your writing. Even a first draft is no excuse to leave out basic rules of English writing.
>>
>>24935349
>>24935355
Tell you what, I'll take this seriously and correct the mistakes if you tell me what happens to Elysa and Seriph
>>
>>24935377
>if you tell me what happens to Elysa and Seriph
That's your job, too.
>>
>>24935391
I'm seeking inspiration from the best
>>
>>24935408
And yet, you're on 4chan. You are pathetic. Get your ass off this site, read some books, and stop browsing social media. I swear, the thirteen-year-olds these days are going to fuck everyone over when they hit adulthood.
>>
>>24935377
Elysa becomes a fucking whore, the end.
>>
>>24935418
Can't be worse than zoomcucks.
>>
>>24935418
You sound mad
>>
>>24935341
Stop using all punctuation except for the em dash (—)—If anyone yells at you—just say you're being creative—
>>
>>24935473
My mom reads my writing and tells me I'm going to be bigger than Dan Brown — and I think she may be right
>>
>>24935512
Your mom tells you that because she doesn't know how to tell you that you're retarded, adopted, and most likely to die of suicide at the age of 24. Nothing she says can be trusted. Nothing you say can change your fate. Go into the woods on a cold winter's eve and die of hypothermia as befitting a halfwit such as yourself.
>>
>>24935569
>https://rentry.co/i3ipo3fe
Jesus, how do you fuck up putting punctuation inside the quotation marks on nearly every instance, fucking hell. And have you ever heard of paragraphs. Is this what passes for good writing with 13-year-olds these days? Are we so fucking cooked that you're literally incapable of writing in English like someone with even a sixth-grade education?
>>
>>24935558
https://rentry.co/tqxkrrnf

There you go, actually super duper fixed. God this editing thing's a bitch isn't it
>>
>>24935576
See >>24935575
>>
>>24935575
Now it's got paragraphs!

https://rentry.co/qsranken
>>
>>24935580
All you did was put line breaks in random places. That's not paragraphs, that's you mistaking empty lines for paragraph breaks. Holy fucking shit, did you pay attention to any of your English classes in school? I get that you're a dropout and all - 90% of 4chan is - but Jesus, you write worse than fanfic authors, and they're the mold on the underside of the the barrel.
>>
>>24935589
Tough crowd, am I right people
>>
>>24935580
This is worse than Victoria slop. He'll look at Victoria slop
>>24931371
That's properly formatted with proper quotations
>>
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>>24935600
how many "Victoria slops" do we even have...
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>>24935600
What the fuck is Victoria slop
>>
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Think I’ve got my intro down.
>>
>>24930777
Why does your serial killer talk like a noir protag
>>
>>24935599
I am also curious as to how to properly format a story on rentry. I think you have to reddit space.
>>
>>24935695
NTA but I always reddit space on Rentry and I typically get good feedback. If I had to guess with this anon's work, it's that there are lots and lots of single-line dialogue with minimal prose to back it up. If there's a golden ratio of prose to dialogue, then this ain't it. It's almost Hemmingway-esq but without the Hemmingway
>>
>>24935710
>If I had to guess with this anon's work, it's that there are lots and lots of single-line dialogue with minimal prose to back it up.
That's part of the problem. The other part is treating every goddamn action like it needs its own line when there's plenty of ways to tighten that up and make actual paragraphs. Take the first three lines after the inital line.
>“I got you”, Elysa shouted whilst grabbing hold of her sister’s gown.
>Nearly tearing her dress she pulled hard, bringing Seriph to the ground who began to cry.
>Stopping, Elysa looked at her.
There's a few problems with all of this (not the least of which are the second and third lines starting in shitty ways), but the fact that this is treated as three lines instead of one paragraph really fucks things up. Here's a better treatment of that same three-line span:
>"I got you," Elysa shouted while grabbing hold of Seriph’s gown. She pulled so hard that it nearly tore the dress. Seriph fell to the ground and began crying, which made Elysa stop and stare at her sister.
There - a proper-ass paragraph with the major issues fixed or removed. And no, I won't be rewriting the whole fucking thing because that isn't my fucking job.
>>
>>24935606
About tree fiddy
>>24935609
Potentially/wg/'s greatest story
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>>24935129
>Shadows spun like tendrils wound from the dusklit woods toward the village.
Now if only you wrote at the same level throughout the rest of your text.
Your story is going nowhere. Is this supposed to be for children?
Why do they have weird names? Is there a reason they couldn't have been called Lisa and Sara? Making up weird shit for no apparent reason other then to sound interesting is not going to make an uninteresting story fun and original. Worldbuilding should be reserved for stories that warrant it, and only then "extra" stuff might be endearing or entertaining, if it adds to immersion and if it is credible in the context.
Randomly giving your characters complicated, otherworldly names when nothing interesting happens ('girl is bullied and cries' is not interesting) makes me question your creative abilities.
On a postive note: it seems to me that you wrote this on a whim, perhaps the first line prompted you (although I see no reflection between the prompt and the result in terms of style, theme and level), but that shows you have some talent to create characters and storylines. And you have 100% creative control and freedom, but the reader like to see that you know how to control and apply your creativity. If that doesn't become apparent, because you just made up something random without second thought hoping that someone might like it, most people will see that you put low effort into your work and to most readers that is offensive, because you're basically asking them to put up with low effort nonsense from someone with low impulse control and a lack of critical self reflection.
Keep practicing making short stories.
Focus on internal consistency. In general, every word should have a reason and intent behind it that is made evident in the story. Even if context, explanation or plot is lacking, it should be done with intent.
>>
>>24935846
I literally wrote the rest as a a joke based off the prompt of the first line.

I can't give two shits about two little girls in which nothing happens.
>>
>>24935341
>If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Read the OP
>>
>>24935580
Please stop

>>24935599
No you're just retarded
>>
>>24935643
You fed this line
>Shadows spun like tendrils wound from the dusklit woods toward the village
into chatgpt and said "make it poetic" didn't you
What is it with this line that /wg/ goes stark raving mad over it
>>
>>24935905
/wg/ struggles to write so concisely.
>>
>>24935863
If you can't care about what you write, get the fuck out of this thread. Even when people write stuff for shits'n'giggles, they still care enough to put in effort beyond "LOL whatever".
>>
>>24935341
>>24935863
So let me get this straight, you wrote something but you don't give a shit about proper editing and you don't give a shit about the content.
Why did you waste your time then? You expect your audience to care for you? Maybe if you wrote something good, they would.
>>
>>24935863
>write shit
>get called out
>"I didn't even care in the first place LMAO XD"
sounds like a massive cope desu
>>
>>24935916
I literally could imagine nothing worse and more saccharine than some generic fantasy fraternal story and just wrote.

I'm stuck waiting for an idea with a decent twist
>>
>>24935935
>some generic fantasy fraternal story
what does that even mean
>and just wrote
what
>>
>>24935941
How are the names Elysa and Seriph not tongue in cheek nods to the shite naming systems fantasy writers use for their generic self insert moe story plots.

And wrote as in projectile vomited words at some pointless directionless narrative
>>
>>24935905
Because it makes no sense
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>>24935935
Ideas twisted decently from the edge of his shrouded psyche
Writingly uncaring words paragraphed into parchment once tree
Sisterly Seriphed Elysa's gown and cried she
Raped by crooked tendrils rooted underneath
The wood relishing her cries, muzzling her pleads
The soil mercilessly swallowing her youthful dignity
Sprouting saplings now the shadows lurk with a yearning thirst
For innocence of walking flesh, that is Aselph's curse
>>
>>24935957
>How are the names Elysa and Seriph not tongue in cheek nods to the shite naming systems fantasy writers use for their generic self insert moe story plots.
That's been my point: >>24935846
If there is a reason, make it apparent
How was the reader supposed to know you wrote satire without making it clear?
It's your job as a writer to express your goals. It's not the reader's fault for not guessing your goals correctly.
Are you just going to dismiss every form of criticism with an excuse to justify your terrible writing? That only makes it worse.
>>
>>24935957
>How are the names Elysa and Seriph not tongue in cheek
Because you don't know what that means.
>>
>>24935916
Hey guys, I'm the writer at>>24934876
Just to be clear- >>24935129 is not me. They co-opted the lines and made like, a little story of it.
>>
>>24936075
Hey, nobody gives a fuck.
>>
>>24936075
This is why no one posts excerpts here anymore
>>
>>24936094
I choose to believe it's a spiteful concerted effort on behalf of /wng/ because they will never be writers.
>>
>>24936100
The "writers" left over from the split are perfectly capable of being the entirety of the failed-bucket crabs.
>>
>>24936104
There's that spite. Your deflection and lack of dubs are also damning. Go back to your fanfiction tier slop thread.
>>
>>24936094
I'll post mine when I'm nearing the done of this wip chapter.
>>
>>24935905
It's the opening to grendel you retard
>>
>>24935981
>lurk with a yearning thirst
yearn for a feast
>that is Aselph's curse
such is Aselph's destiny
>>
>>24936116
As you've demonstrated, we have more than our share of schizo brainlets, also. If only your writing was this "creative".
>>
>>24936129
Absolutely seething. What happened? Did someone rightfully call your purple prose trash?
>>
>>24936124
No wonder why I didn't recognize it. Man that book was shit. Fuck John Gardner
>>
>>24935643
>mournfully observing
>bitterly remembering
>idiotically casting
I hate this
"The road to hell is paved with adverbs."
>>
>>24936151
>damn blud that's some chat-gpt ahh prose on gyatt
>actually, it's from a well respected novel
>W-WELL... THAT'S CAUSE THAT AUTHOR IS SUSSY NO CAP NO CAP
Kill yourself.
>>
>>24935643
damn blud that's some chat-gpt ahh prose on gyatt
>>
>>24936094
https://rentry.co/q8rcokhr
>>
>>24936124
>What? You don't like that line? I literally copied and pasted it from a CLASSIC and misrepresented it as my own work!
>Oh, you didn't recognize it? It's literally from one of the millions of CLASSICS in the western canon? You haven't read them all?
>What do you mean it sucks? It's literally from a CLASSIC! Writing and language and taste don't evolve over time!
>Haha, that means you're mentally retarded and a bad writer! So I must be very smart and a good writer!

This shtick is tired. All said and done, your writing still sucks as much as it did the moment you endeavored to feel better about yourself by belittling the people who gave you the criticism you asked for all because it didn't provide the validation you wanted. You need several kinds of help.
>>
>>24935643
pic unrelated
>>
>>24936262
longest reddit post
>>
>>24936265
And yet you keep falling for it.
Because you don't read.
And you are certainly not qualified to give anyone writing advice.
PYW if you'd like to bother.
>>
>>24936280
Your problem is that you think someone needs to be qualified to give their opinion, so you disqualify your critics, yet you keep coming for unqualified critique.
If I was a best selling author and had won the nobel prize for literature, would you suddenly gobble up my words if I criticized you, or still find a reason to disqualify me?
What's your point in coming here trying to prove anything? What did you prove? Criticism is subjective? Are you going to try to prove that grass is green next?
>>
>>24936287
I don't need to prove anything. I just like making you look like a retard, personally.
PYW.
>>
>>24936280
>you are certainly not qualified to give anyone writing advice.
Translation: I cannot handle anything other than applause.
Nobody forces you to listen to anything anyone tells you. If you don't like it, ignore it. If you found value in it, use it for your benefit.

>>24936288
I don't need to prove anything, furthermore I am not looking for feedback. You're being childish, you're only making a fool of yourself.
>>
>>24936288
>I don't need to prove anything
why did you post the excerpt from grendel then, retard
>>
>>24936292
>Translation: I cannot handle anything other than applause.
I can clearly handle your sperg out.
>>24936294
Because I knew someone would take the bait
>>
>>24936296
So you're just trolling then. Why?
>>
>>24936280
I'm not the person you were talking to, I didn't fall for anything. I'm just tired of you being a vindictive, sociopathic faggot in these threads because you can't write and your fragile ego can't bear to hear it. Post your work so everyone can see what you're seething about.
>>
>>24936296
>your sperg out.
says the fumbling retard doing his "epic troll"
>>
>>24935643
You didn't write that faggot stop lying
>>
>>24936235
>getting mad over something you didn't write
pathological butthurt lmao
>>
>>24936299
>every troublemaker is the same guy
Lol
>>
>>24936313
so you admit you're a vindictive, sociopathic faggot
>>
>>24936317
I set out an extremely simple trap. Anon fell for it. You are now losing your mind.
>>
>>24936313
You've been doing this for a while and the MO is always the same. There's no reason for it that doesn't amount to you being deeply and unreasonably hurt.
>>
>>24936328
This is the first time I’ve ever done this.
>>
>>24936322
Nobody fell for anything. If I had known it was a published work I would have said the same thing, but somehow you lying about being the author made you some kind of mastermind genius. It's pathetic. I never felt compelled to go through such lengths to "trick" people (lying) because they said something I didn't find valuable.
You're lying and then jerking yourself off that people were lied to. I think your mind was lost long before you even found this website.
What was it that someone said that made you into a raving lunatic?
>>
>>24936332
You're not fooling anyone. Post your work.
>>
>>24936332
Is this you? >>24935512
>>
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>>24936333
>I never felt compelled to go through such lengths to "trick" people (lying) because they said something I didn't find valuable
>>
>>24936342
You really think everyone is as miserable as you are, that you can't believe some people have thicker skin? Your world must suck terribly.
>>
>>24936344
I’m NTA you’re just being a little melodramatic
>>
Is it even a thread derailment if the thread is pointless anyway
>>
Nobody who writes anything qualitative is going to post it here because they know their worth. That's why this general will be limited to delusional filth producing filth and getting mad over it.
>>
>>24936333
>You're lying and then jerking yourself off that people were lied to
This is just part of being one of the scammer cultures desu (Indian, Chinese, Jew)
>>
>>24936350
Conversely, no one with anything worth saying about the filth will stay here because everyone is a paranoid psycho
>>
>>24936347
I'm saying it how it is. How's that melodramatic? You have a poor way of expressing yourself by the way by comparing being melodramatic to lying.
>>
>>24936353
Or because they realize they deal with nutcases not worthy of their attention and feedback
>>
>>24936356
When did I compare being melodramatic to lying?
I said your umbrage towards anon lying was expressed in a very melodramatic way.
>>
>>24936358
Every here is a lunatic
>>
>>24936361
I thought your image was about me and you blamed me for lying nvm then
>>
>>24936363
>ESL goes on a righteous tirade against anon for posting obvious bait
I'm embarrassed to post with you retards.
>>
Lunaticly he rambled to rambling lunatics
>>
>>24936366
Yes
>>
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This the dichotomy in this dialogue good enough for a comedic scene? I worry about being too simplistic.
>>
>>24936373
Does it need to be more complicated?
>>
>>24936373
Sure Ignatius.
>>
I'm the only sane person in a thread of lunatics!
>>
>>24936379
It's lacking in theology and geometry.
>>
I've never been to this board, would this be an alright thread to throw out some character concepts for you guys to pick apart
>>
>>24936535
That depends on what you're writing.
>>
>>24936538
Don't really know yet, but at this rate itll end up being a set of light novels?
I don't have the energy to do a full on comic, but that or an animation someday would be the ideal
>>
>>24936543
>light novels?
Okay, I guess.

>comic
>animation
kys
>>
>>24936543
>light novels
You will never be Japanese
>>
i write but I'm horrible and I can't tell if what i do is good or bad
>>
>>24936672
>>24936698
Understood
I'll move on
>>
Any books on character writing you guys can recommend?
>>
>>24936350
Who hurt you, anon
>>
>>24936769
The gentle critics of /wg/.
>>
>>24936769
It's true

>>24936872
On the contrary
>>
If your first draft isn’t good enough to be your final draft then you’re not a real writer.
>>
If you ever make a typo you're not a real writer.
>>
>>24936745
What specifically do you want to improve regarding character writing?
>>
>>24936996
If you ever used speech-to-text in any way, shape, or form you're not a real writer. Not even a fake writer. You're not a writer.
>>
>>24937028
If you aren't writing exclusively with the quill of a peacock on handmade papyrus with squid ink you milked yourself by hand, you're not a writer.
>>
Does this build any intrigue?
>“You are mistaken!” Sebac objected; his mind reduced to a whirlwind. The words of the exhausted messenger could not be entertained in good faith. If they contained even a shiver of truth, his career might be near its end. Few statesmen could recover from such a blunder. In nearly forty years of pristine service to the Empire, Sebac had seen it all: better men had lost everything for things beyond their control. That would not happen to him; he had come too far.
>>
>>24937049
sliver of truth*
>>
>>24937049
It drags. Cut it in half.
>>
>>24937052
Interesting, I always thought sliver and shiver were synomous, both meaning fragment.
But I guess "sliver" is a more common idiom.
>>24937053
Really? I thought it was pretty concise.
>>
>>24937068
You thought 5 sentences, a whole paragraph, to say that the message was career-ending-tier was concise?
>>
>>24936996
I found 3 clear typos in the 50th anniversary edition of LotR, even thought the editorial department of Harper & Collins has been combing through the book, letter by letter, for half a century. Tolkien was a hack.
>>
>>24937088
10 billion dollar franchise hack
>>
>>24936996
>If you ever make a typo, you're not a real writer.
Fix'd
>>
>>24937109
It was intentional bait to demonstrate I was intellectually superior all along, somehow
>>
>>24937104
Retarded hacks sell millions of books every year. Pic unrelated.
>>
>>24937118
How many have you sold
>>
>>24937129
I'm neither retarded nor a hack... Is it over?
>>
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>>24937129
350 million, but I'm super fucking retarded.
>>
English is my second language
>>
>>24937140
His JFK alternative history book was pretty good
>>
>>24937213
>the single book he would have researched and plannee
Figures. Didn't read it, probably never will. That's a boomer foundational myth.
>>
Have you ever written smut purely for your own pleasure? Most of the time I just watch porn, but it gets repetitive and the idea of trying to describe your own fantasy is interesting to me. Authors often do this in the works I read.

When I write, certain words or their combinations arouse me. But it seems clear that this kind of work is heavily reliant on cliches, established behaviors, phrases, power dynamics. So if I put more effort into disguising my fantasies (as readers we cringe at the most obvious ones), at which point does it become art? How does it work for you?
>>
>>24937269
Are you jewish perchance
>>
>>24937269
>Have you ever written smut purely for your own pleasure?
Gay
>When I write, certain words or their combinations arouse me.
GAY
>at which point does it become art?
It doesn't
>>
>>24937275
no. why
>>
>>24937279
Why do you write?
>>
>>24937286
Because I have things to say that haven't been said and not because I'm a hypersexual
>>
>>24937281
>how do i hide my perversion while also exposing my fetish to my audience to subliminally drag them into my sick fantasies
Is why
>>
>>24937330
everyone expresses their own desire through fictional works, you're just so used to the mainstream representation of it that it usually flies under your radar. have you ever read a fantasy novel? or a crime novel? or a literary novel?
>>
>>24937389
>oy vey dontcha know that it's normal and you're just being a bigoted goyim?
well geez why didn't you just say so
time to browse deviantart to become more normal
>>
>>24937402
I was hoping for a decent intellectual discussion with people who are capable of writing more than two sentences or continuing a train of thought despite disagreements. I think they must be somewhere else. Just my luck!
>>
>>24937409
decent intellectual went out the window when you started to ask how you could hide your fetishes better so you can get off without anyone getting wise to your perversion
>>
>>24937085
This the first paragraph of the entire novel.
So, it:
>introduces the protagonist
>hints his background
>hints what has happened moments ago
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>>24937269
hell ive done that. not in an official storyTM capacity, more like... just a scenario in the notes app, maybe in DM format with people i felt attracted to and such. there's definitely something about that sort of exercise. but i'd feel too embarrassed to go for a full fledged smut story idk
>>
I want to share my meaningless little achievement for this year: I started writing earlier this year and I managed to get 40 of my stories into various shitmags no one reads.

This scene is only good for practice and literally nothing else. No one aside from editors and the friends/family members of those published looks at them. There's nothing sadder than some nobody "writer" tweeting out that they'd been published in The Squirting Piglet Quarterly (run by a 22 year old chick) to the applause of 4 likes and 15 tweet views.
>>
I pasted some of my screenplay dialog into ChatGPT and it said it was bad. Too on-the-nose and no indication that my characters have any internal motivations. They sounded like video game NPCs. Is there any way to get past this? Fyi I probably have autism and I am incapable of comprehending other peoples' motivations and inner lives...
(I told ChatGPT I work for a television studio and need help evaluating screenplay submissions to save time. I didn't say it was my script.)
>>
how's the prose style bros?

>He jerked his hard prick wetly while softly embowered within synthetic covers
>Oh oh oh
>His gelatinous seed—its potency unknown yet wondered about more often as of late—seeped into dark wire curls, becoming trapped in the volume.
>>
>>24937918
how the fuck do you jerk your cock wetly? sweaty? do you wet your hand with water?
>>
>>24937915
You want to stop? Stop using ChatGPT, stop playing video games, read more, and talk to people. No you don't have autism you fucking somoli. What you have is a lack of actual conversation and socializing outside this mogolian basket weaving forum. Get a fucking part time job even at mcdonalds to learn to talk.
>>
>>24937980
honestly it makes me laugh really hard. the adverb wetly is just so stupid and funny-sounding and completely unnecessary.
>>
He writely prosed adjectively
>>
>>24937986
I have a full time job. But I want to leave it so I can spend my time alone writing rather than have to deal with other people.
>>
>>24938065
then take a vacation you dork
>>
>>24938079
No I just need to
1 figure out what my characters want and
2 find a way to express that in their dialog that isn't just
>i want to go to the beach
>>
>>24938086
>I have to poo very badly saar i must visit now the beach
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>>24938095
>he said pajeetily
>>
Pajeetly he gamboled toward the beachly shores of divine relief as sludge seeped anally from his futily clenched cheeks
"I must use this street", he sighed hinduistically, "Nirvana is yet out of reach".
>>
>>24938086
Holy shit, just self-insert yourself in your book retard. Have them want to have sex.
>>
>>24938118
Well the main character has 2 motivations, and by the end of the story he'll have picked one over the other, but idk how to get that across in dialog without being obvious. The other big character, idk what her motivation is yet. But according to ChatGPT I need to give the random one-scene police officer motivation too... which I can do I guess, but then I have to express that in like 10 lines of dialog or less, and I guess that's why I'm a shit novice at this
>>
>>24931322
What am I even looking at
>>
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>according to ChatGPT
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>>24937854
Well, it's nice to feel appreciated anyway
>>
Today I've started a short story about a fisherman who fishes (duh) in the underground Sea of the Deads so he can sell his catches back to the surfaces to people who are convinced these are their deceased loved ones' souls. I haven't quite worked out what actually happens beyond that maybe he'll pick up a stowaway woman.
>>
>>24938117
Welcome back, Cormac.
>>
>>24938268
She sells seashells by the seashore
>>
>>24938134
>but then I have to express that in like 10 lines of dialog or less
just tell chatgpt to do it for you.

also, never come back here again.
>>
Victoria anon...
>>
Dying with honor to protect your family is admirable. Cowards who seek life will rarely have a life worth living.
>>
>>24931371
I do not see the mention of a handsome Indian man in this sample. You cannot keep letting us down like this.
>>
I am a man. Whatever that means beyond sex characteristics doesn’t seem to matter to me; I don’t mind being labeled as such.
But there really is something about the feminine to me, beyond mere attraction, that evokes a sense of longing. Women seem to carry a remnant of divine beauty that man left at the garden. And when they offer to share it as the fruit, our imagination of what being one must be like comes with both knowledge and shame.
Just as I view a landscape painting without picturing my life within the world the artist stuck in stasis, just as I feel the weight of each stroke and blot of oil on my skin and soul, I cannot think of women without wishing man hadn’t left his beauty at Eden.
I don’t mean to sound envious.
>>
>>24938433
which victoria anon...
>>
I've been going through a really hard time and Google said writing is really good for you and actually healthy for you emotionally

Is this actually true?
>>
>>24936140
You think THAT'S seething? Oh, you sweet summer child.
>>
>>24936390
Whatever lets you sleep at night.
>>
>>24937140
And you're also a pedo.
>>
>>24937915
Fuck GPT. Even worst written human shit is still better than its slop
>>
>>24938340
>>
>>24938669
yes queen
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>>24938825
She hoarded all the nice ones. Good business model if you ask me.
>>
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>>24938560
It's not good enough. I haven't been able to capture the joy in her. It feels like a slasher fic and not a pleasurable sadistic feeling she'll have. But if you insist on reading a bit of what I have.

She doesn't rape Pasheh because he doesn't have anything and leaves him broke and miserable. Then proceeds to destroy India and ushers in the Ghaznavid invasions.
>>
>>24938819
Woah, slow your roll, chief. You know it's just a metaphor, right? It symbolizes uhh... um... the end of childhood, or something. And, you know, technically, metaphorically, she had her first period already. That's what the whole bathroom scene was about. Doubt you picked up on that, it was super subtle. So it would actually be hebephilia. Just like Brittany Spears doing Hit Me Baby One More Time. Everybody was fine with that. Everybody. It's literally the same thing, give or take 5 years. Now, if it had happened before the bathroom scene, then yeah, that would have been problematic. But it didn't. And anyway, it's not like I enjoyed it. I just wrote about it, man. In graphic detail over several pages. That doesn't mean I liked it. You know what your problem is? You just can't handle a little transgressive art. You can't separate the art from the artist. And it wasn't even that bad. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, well it was empowering. Girls love it. They all love it. It tells them that sex is power. They don't need to be ashamed of being a little slut at 12. They don't have to obey their parents, or meet society's moral expectations, or save themselves for marriage. Slangin' that shit for free out a sewer pipe to six guys at once is perfectly fine. That's just feminism. What's wrong with that? And if you don't like, well then you're a neo-Nazi Trumper incel cretin and you hate women.
>>
>>24939050
A hebephile is just a pedophile with a dictionary, Stephen. Now, unless you're going to do something to help /wg/ novelists, like get your contacts to write reviews of them, fuck off.
>>
just something for fun at work today
>>
>>24939059
Nooooooooooo they're totally different. You're the one taking it literally and making it sexual. That says something about you, not me.

I've done so much for /wg/. I'm living proof that any one of you can slap a half-good idea into ChatGPT, churn out 600 pages of barely coherent slop and be one of the best selling authors of all time. Of course, I didn't have ChatGPT back then, but cocaine is basically the same thing. The key is persistence. Do tons of coke, write tons of slop, and send it to tons of people until someone finally says yes. That's all there is to it.
>>
>>24939071
>poetry
Kys
>>
>>24939077
wait til i have art hoes snapping their fingers for me ;)
>>
>>24939076
Thanks Stephen. Is Victoriaslop close to being publishable?
>>
>>24939084
Fuck off nigger start writing a book or don't come back
>>
>>24938974
what is a bident tho?
>>
>>24939088
I'm writing one right now. I'm only 5000 words in though.
>>
>>24937915
In my village, when we have problems like this, we pray to Big Guru Daddy Mack.
>>
>>24939091
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>>24939086
Absolutely. Slap a shitty ending that barely makes any sense or ties up any loose ends on that bitch and pass it around. It may get published, it may not. That's not important. What is important is volume. Get it done, get it out and get started pinching off the next pile of shit. Given enough time, a chimpanzee with a typewriter will eventually reproduce Shakespeare word for word. Be that chimp when no one else will.
>>
>>24939097
Is this Sneed
>>
Well I finally did it, my own writing has made me emotional.

(How likely is it that readers will feel emotional?)

>>24937915
Bro just watch more shows and movies, read more books, look at other people's screenplays. It's not that hard.
>>
>>24939147
I will read it and let you know
>>
>>24939147
>How likely is it that readers will feel emotional?
Extremely unlikely
>>
>>24939165
Hey, books have made me emotional more than once
>>
How often do you guys get accused of using AI
>>
>>24939187
Nobody reads my slop, so never.
>>
>>24939187
pretty much what the other guy said. Nobody reads my stuff ever.
>>
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>>24939189
>>24939196
>>
>>24937025
I am trying to understand how to build a compelling character
>>
>>24939283
Does he push the theme and the plot along while going through some personal development
That's generally the standard
>>
>>24939283
Just write the kind of character you’d like to read about
>>
some make the new thread NOW. do it NOW.
>>
>>24935649
Baby, I'll speak however you want me to.
>>
>>24939551
no u
>>
>>24939551
Wait for Page 10, newfag
>>
>>24939283
Compelling in what sense? Relatable to the reader? Has a tight-knit character arc that makes sense emotionally?
>>
>>24939147

Lots of my writing makes me really emotional, but I assume it's often because I know my characters way better than how I depict them on the page. The whole difficulty of writing for me is the act of translation your vision from your heart and your brain where it all clicks and makes emotional sense, to the written word, where you somehow have to make all of that work.
>>
i don't get anons who earnestly take whatever GPT suggests in their writing. doesn't it make you viscerally disgusted? why even write if you're letting a void robot do it for you?

ALSO, from what i've seen, the ideas GPT has are absolute dogshit. like 6th grader level. or the worst cliches i've ever seen in my life.

granted there are some indian slop wizards out there who tinker with GPT enough to pump out "competent" looking stories, but you can still sniff out the lack of SOVL.
>>
>>24939809
You mean I could reach a sixth grade level?
>>
>>24939818

or you could start writing at the level of an indian AI slop maestro who claims he's written: "over 400 fictional and philosophical /scientific non-fictional works blending science, myth, and ethics."

Example:

>Crowned in Flesh: The Follicle Gospel
By Dr. Swapan Samanta

>Shaoni Khanna was once a rising star—an Indian actress carving space on European screens, sculpted for light, composed for beauty. But under Parisian spotlights and in viral comment threads, her crown began to betray her. Hair thinning. Confidence fading. Opportunities dying by the follicle.

>Enter L'Étoile: an exclusive cosmetic clinic promising “revolutionary follicular restoration” through a procedure so advanced it whispers. Her agent says it’s discreet. The website says it’s proprietary. The reality is something else entirely.

>Shaoni doesn’t just undergo treatment.
She is chosen. Scalp becomes altar. Hair becomes interface. And beneath her skin, an ancient network awakens—fungal, sentient, sacred.

>Soon her follicles begin to think. Her mirror reflects something new. Her dreams are not hers. She is not alone.

>Crowned in Flesh is a surgical myth. A body-horror gospel. A dystopian satire of beauty, sacrifice, and the corporate cults that monetize transformation. Told in clinical notes, whispered hymns, and prophetic flashbacks, this novel is what happens when capitalism meets resurrection, and beauty stops asking for consent.

>If you’ve ever feared aging, mirrors, or the silent violence of expectations—this book will find you. And once the crown begins to grow, you cannot take it off.
>>
>>24939809
yeah it's disgusting how many here use ai
>>
>>24939866

And btw, lots of AI haters don't realize that these slop maestros can imitate literary fiction in ways that aren't so easy to sniff out (unless you know your shit). I've seen gen x literature professors get fooled by obvious AI monstrosities.

I'm a millennial, and even I got fooled here and there, but still felt that someone is a bit fucking off. Like in this retarded example I'm responding to. It reeks of feeding an AI genres, topics, elements. I'm not even hinging my claim on the usage of em-dashes, those are already being phased out, I mean the general vibe of having a tidy little concept banged out with AI-cadence descriptions. It's way too formulaic.

I'm personally mad at this particular scammer because an editor I work with got fooled by him into accepting obvious AI slop for publishing. It's literary laundering.
>>
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>Finished my 2nd draft
I read the whole novella in one day as a reread. That has to be a good sign right? It's quite a fast read.



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