Come one and all to the meta-writefag and help raise the quality of MLP fanfiction! Featuring: Grooming tips.ITT: Reading, surfing, an author falls for the (H/A)iE trap, obscure references, optimism about the Apocalypse, visiting page 10, gross sexual undertones, stalking, the male assigned, the Ronald Weasley of pony, my degeneracy is better than your degeneracy, the good ol' times of 2016, kirins in SPAAAAACE, writing about weird sexual things in a not weirdly sexual way, vidya, finding the sauce, and that was the last thread ever.>/fimfic/ Secret Book ClubThe sixty-fourth book is 'Cypress Zero':https://www.fimfiction.net/story/510257If (You) want to participate, read the entire story' by the 21st.On Sunday we'll discuss what we've read.>Recommended stories:Tired of authors forgetting that brevity is key? Fed up with 10k inner monologue chapters? Well, we've compiled the best of the worst in order to bring you our absolute average!New Starter Kit - http://mlpficreviews.org.uk/starter/Old Starter Kit - http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png>Common fic abbreviations used by the thread:https://ponepaste.org/7317>A list of reviews made by the Anons in this thread:http://www.mlpficreviews.org.ukUse the commands ">review <story link>" and ">discuss <story link>" to add reviews to a story.Userscript for extra features: https://ponepaste.org/8619>An in-depth writing guide for beginners:https://eznguide.neocities.org/>Can you pre-read my story?Post it on Google Docs or HackMD with comments enabled and give us a link.>Additional material for authors:Rhorse's Horse Behavioral Notes - https://ponepaste.org/932Politics and the English Language - https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://poneb.in/g4VpEg4fSetting a story in motion - https://youtu.be/ufO8LbwTdu0 Taking criticism - https://youtu.be/-v4R2ZcxPlA>Various reviews and riffs:Fillyanon's Bookshelf - https://ponepaste.org/5555Notkickass222urmom's Reviews - https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmomIHeartShinzakura's Reviews - https://ponepaste.org/user/IHeartShinzakuraAppleanon reads fics - https://poneb.in/wmGX7FPmDeluxe Big Master Review List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeUA Guide to Rational Fics - https://files.catbox.moe/3jzrfm.pngThe Royal Canterlot Library's Top 16 Fanfics - https://royalcanterlotlibrary.net/top16/Previous Thread: >>40984669
First for best duo!
"Please wait before making a post"Fascists...
Second for best duo and Luna isn't a lesbian!
>>41004159>and that was the last thread ever.So that was a fucking lie.
>>41004185No, it really was.We just have a shared delusion right now.
Sixth for answer your fucking PMs on the site. Yes, (You).
Did the last thread really only discuss 4 fics? Almost all posts about fics didn't get a reply, but these did,https://www.fimfiction.net/story/510257/cypress-zerohttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/517841/shadow-of-equestriahttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/196256/the-moons-apprenticehttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/12800/the-truth-about-pokey-pierceEven so, it was unusually on topic. How weird.
>>41004187Dead Internet Theory?Undead Internet Theory???
yo FUCK Tunafag's insistence on ignoring 4chan conventions and shitting on any semblance of community effort we ever get going
Really glad that we're out of the old thread. I was enjoying it but I lost my (You)s to a browser config change.
>>41004159>>41004207You deserve what you tolerate. >>40984696
>>41004242Why do you think this will do anything at all
>>41004226
>>41004244If the ONLY engagement tunafag gets will be reports, it'll do something all right. Do not respond, do not discuss, just report and ignore.
>>41004253I unironically prefer him generating discussion through unpopular opinions over random Anons seething about some minor thing. That includes you whining about adding this worthless line nobody's going to care about to the OP every goddamn thread. He's been reported for avatarfagging tons of times before, it ain't happening. Let it go or filter him.
>>41004162>projecting
How's that writing going, Anons?
>>41004337I managed to scribble 1500 words last week. Which is nothing, but it's 1500 more than I wrote in the past two months and I'm terribly slow.>webmWhy is she literally a cat?
Oh boy, I can't wait tunafag gushing about Moon and Star. No matter how good or shit that fic turns out to be, it will be GREAT for him, just because it's a TUNAFIC
>>41004337Poorly. My meds aren't helping me focus as much as they should, but they are helping me sleep. Which is great for sleeping, but terrible because now I can no longer do my writing at 3am.
>>41004386Good news! You don't have to wait. I already posted a review gushing about it.However, Rariflag is going to love* it too, so you can stay on the edge of your seat for that.* if he skips the first chapter. If he reads the first chapter, he'll just like it and regret reading the first chapter.
>>41004337Ree and such...
>>41002523>Cite the paragraphs.It's the Apple Bloom fic where she has the fetish dream of getting fatter:>“Wider.”>She watched herself swell out even more, by just a tad. Her trot became faster. She heard the voice again, louder.>“Heavier.”>With that, even wider she became, and she struggled all the more to get through the next door frame. In not much time, she was running, and violently squeezing herself through the frames.Sorry, got it confused with the Fluttershy one where she admires her fat belly in the mirror before Dash calls her a fatty despite being pregnant and not actually overweight.>>41004337>tfw the original plan was 60k and you're now blowing past that with only half the fic written
>>41005026FACT CHECK: MOSTLY FALSEJoking aside, that sequence was a nightmare, and getting stuck with the sensation of being chased fit what I wanted. As far as my writing goes, my E-rated stories are fairly tame, I think, although I pushed it a little with Fluttersurrogate. My anthology of very short stories is completely innocent.>>41004337I just finished writing for several hours. Now if only I were writing one of my stories.
>>41005096>Now if only I were writing one of my stories.Imagine. The raraflag could be writing YOUR stories behind your back, and you'd never know.
Rec me a good action fic
>>41004337Going along nicely.
Requesting some good Trixie fic recommendations
>>41004337Decently. I'm on the last few chapters of my final (for real this time I swear) round of edits.
>>41005330Eyes on You.
>>41005330>
>>41004159Got struck by inspiration from that pic.
>>41005414Excellently done, lad.
>>41005414Pure kino.
>>41005143Machina Cor Armageddon
>>41005143Machine Cop Agamemnon
>>41005143https://www.fimfiction.net/story/517841/shadow-of-equestriaNot exactly what you might be searching for, but you should read it anyway
>>41005518Oi, stop that. I thank you for linking my fic but stop that.
>>41005524>>41005518Anon pretending to be someone else or samefag pretending not to samefag?
>>41005540There's an anon that likes to fuck with flaggots, yeah.
>>41005543Deserved.
Fics about heuristics?
>>41005752If you look through the sci-fi tag along with the Twilight tag, you might find one.
>>41005772Could find only one, and it’s a dead space odyssey crossover fic where HAL isekais into equestria via the traditional method.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/101277/hal-9000-space-impact
>>41005752>heuristicsQRD?
>>41005795I'm surprised you found a fic like that. Hell, I'm surprised you tried it
>>4100541410/10, upvoted, added to favorites shelf
>>41005543>There's an anon that likes to fuck with flaggots>There's an anon>an anon>singularKill yourself.
>>41005414Wow, that’s way better than my low effort edit. nicely done.>bottom right test.Is that from the no nose knows series?
>>41006355Also I ran the numbers and stories with at least one of those tags in the image make up 32% of stories currently on fimfiction.
>>41006355>Is that from the no nose knows series?I sure hope not.
>>41006355It's from 'The Chase'. There's... a weird amount of farting in it.
>>41006544What would be a non-weird amount of farting?
>>41006547https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXHkFZ-nG4Y
>>41006547Well, none at all would be the best, for sure.
>>41006547Dante's Inferno has a fart in it, as a joke. That seems like an appropriate amount of farting to me.
>>41006544>an absurdly long fanfiction is produced by someone who probably has a fart fetishChecks out.
Whenever I eat red onions, I can taste them for hours afterwards. I have never found this emotion in a work of literature.
>>41006808You're not supposed to eat books.
>>41006808>Whenever I eat red onions, I can taste them for hours afterwardsThis doesn't describe an emotion. This is just a stimulus which you would then have an emotional reaction to. You could love that aftertaste for all I know.
>>41006808I've read some fics that made me angry for a long while after I finished reading them.
>>41006824Twilight can solve that problem.
>>41004337Haven't even started, not only is it gonna be the first time i'm gonna do anything remotely close to writing but it's for an overused trope i despite yet consider a guilty pleasure.
>>41004337>Deployed chapter 2 yesterday>Roughly 20-25% through writing Ch.3>Hoping to deploy Ch.3 in a weekOn the one hand, actually not too bad. On the other hand...>People seem to be expecting I'm writing some epic superdeep political thriller>In reality I'm just writing a goofy thing about Twilight freaking out too much>I'm fucking terrified people are going to hate it when they realize this isn't the next 300,000 word epic novel
>>41004337I won't write a single word again
>>41007663>That feel when the people reading my story are smarter than i am and i just gotta agree with any and all oversight as if it were planned.
>>41007742kek this is exactly what I do
>>41005143Immortal Game's got some good action. Rites of Ascension does, too, if you don't mind the central plot barely moving in 400k.>>41006544Are there any million word fics that don't inevitably have the author sneaking his fetish in them?
>9
What are your thoughts on renaming the months and days of the year?I want to do it for one of my fics but I feel as if it's a tad too autistic and would just annoy people that would try and figure them out or memorise them.I could put in sufficient clues such as it being summer or winter, or perhaps close to an analogue for an event like Hearth's Warming, but even so I'm not too sure as I've never seen it done in any fic.That just makes me think 'Yes, well there's probably a good reason for that.'
I'm surprised https://www.fimfiction.net/story/91188/what-didnt-happen isn't talked more about on here, its distilled kino.
>>41008625Do it, but don't expect your readers to remember the details.I've changed the calendar as well for one of my fics (reduced the length of a year, leading to character ages in the hundreds of years), but I had to make sure to subtly remind the reader of it.
Oh hey new Rambling Writer fic. Let's hope it's better than The Noodle.
>>41008625Don’t bother. Unless the rest of the fic is similarly focused on such differences in little things like that between pony and human society for the purpose of defining the setting just gonna feel out of place.
>>41008625Just adapt steal the month and day names from The Elder Scrolls. They are pretty cool imo, and mostly fit FiM's world, too
>>41008817>day namesThey're just real ones with the latter half replaced by "(rn)das".
Yesterday marked ten years since Dangerous Business finally made its way to fimfiction: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/182859/its-a-dangerous-business-going-out-your-door
I distinctly remember someone describing a fic, but I don't recall the title. All I know it's a set of chapters (13, maybe?) all with different protagonists, that initially seem unrelated to each other but turn out to all be part of a common story. It's also probably pretty old. Is it real or am I imagining things?
>>41007820Murky Number Sixalso one of the few FoE fics that aren't shit and aren't obsessed with sex
>>41009112The only point of F:E was to be a vehicle for debauchery. When you take that out, all you're left with is misery porn, which isn't my kink.
>>41008625>What are your thoughts on renaming the months and days of the year?Dumb, I doubt ponies have names for moons the way we have names for months.
>>41008625Here's how I'd do it:>Rishon>Shenni>Shlishi>Revi'i>Hamishi>Shishi>Shabbat
>>41009123Well our months are a mix of roman gods and goddesses, and the names of a few Emperors before then just being numbered.So I figured 'why not make them named after some made-up pony pantheon'.Same for the days of the week, which is where we could have Luniday for Monday and Soliday for Sunday as an example, from dies Lunae and dies Solis.
>>41009120The original FoE isn't misery porn, the worst that really happens is a tragic death and a brief arc where Littlepip is hated for slaughtering a village. I wouldn't call MNS misery porn either, even though it is often very miserable, because the theme of the story is pursuing hope even when everything seems bleak.Project Horizons, on the other hand... we all know Project Horizons. Maybe I'm biased because the writing is so good, but to me the major difference between the two is that PH revels in its misery before swiftly resolving [current problem] and powering up its MC after the fact, while MNS shows how Murky, in a miserable situation in the worst place of the setting, manages to maintain his hope and pursues a better tomorrow thanks to the magic of friendship.
>>41008625I just avoid mentioning months, days of the week, and similarly human names. Mentioning the season probably suffices, and it helps that the early show used the same names. Then again, it probably uses weekday names too, but I don't care about that.Now, renaming holidays is fun, not at all confusing when done well, and the show has ample examples.
>>41009132It would be confusing, unnecessary, and go against canon.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ459DF_rLc
>>41009144>Anything post S2 as canon rather than picking and choosingShiggy. But yeah the more I look at it, it does seem overly confusing.
>>41009146>dumbest attention whore of the thread doesn't even watch the showIt's a clip from season 2 faggot
>>41009151Huh, I thought it was a S3 ep. Derp on my part.
>>41009144Yeah, that exact line came to mind when I was writing my post. That's not quite in the same category as Winter Wrap Up, but it's close. Did "Party of One" ever mention a weekday? I could swear maybe it did.
>>41009158Nope. The mlp wiki has transcripts for every episode btw, you can easily ctrl+f this stuff.
>>41009175>wikiaNot even with a rented 50-foot pole.
>>41009175>>41009204Use this instead:https://reluctusb.github.io/MLP-Fim-Episode-Transcript-Search/
>>41009204Use ublock's element zapper to remove the bloat if it bothers you that much, otherwise there's no reason to deny yourself access to compiled information about the show's lore.>>41009205That's a cool tool though.
Well, this settles that. No month names though, other than mentions of june bugs.
>>41009213Could always come up with alternate etymologies. That's always a fun waste of time.
>>41009213I like it when fics rename Monday to Moonday. There is no need to overcomplicate it and rename the other days.
>>41009257I like it when fics rename Luna to Ms. Not Appearing In This Story.
>>41008625>I want to do it for one of my fics but I feel as if it's a tad too autisticEmbrace the 'tism, anon. It's more fun over here
are there any fics where derpy accidentally fucks anon?
>>41009352>accidentlyShe just doesn't know what went wrong.
>>41008664>OC only sequel to a sequelGrim. I do want to read Hinterlands soon, though.
>>41009153Unless you can remember at least every episode of the first four seasons in chronological order from memory and can instantly know what episode a clip is from you’re not a real fan. >>41009352If it counts theres this one green in the AIE general archive where derpy basically has non consensual sex with anon because she’s literally to retarded to be fully conscious of the implications of what she’s doing.
>>41009408It and the sequel need de-fagging edits.>b-but muh tertiary characters with no effect on the storyIt's still trying to normalize degeneracy, or it would not be there at all. It needs to go.
>>41009463If you do it, I'll read them.
Skirts fan here. I'm gonna start reading the archetypist, but before that I'm gonna tell you about this small fic I read between Hard Reset and now.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/458572/my-farrier-lady-sunspotGood fic. Sweet fic. Weird ending. If you like sweet romantic fics read this.
>>41009524>I'm gonna start reading the archetypistCheck out the club's discussion after. Also, sorry.
>>41009441I looked through the pastebin sorted by pony. they're good but not exactly what I'm looking for. Moreso something where she's obliviously pleasuring anon and is surprised by his reactions, orgasm, etc.
>>41009646How exactly are you supposed to fuck someone while also not knowing that you’re fucking someone? Can anyone else answer this guys question?
>>41009257>tunafag says something retardedAs sure as night follows day.
>>41005330The Unchosen One and Hopes and Follies are both pretty good. They also both are twixie stories with unfinished/abandoned direct sequels so read at your own risk.
So what autism is taking you today, anons?For me, it's drawing out how the city wards look across the plateau in Project Sparkle, for funsies.
>>41008625It could be a fun bit of world building as a kinda of throwaway line or paragraph. Something like mentioning how instead of July being renamed in honor of Caesa, Equestria renamed it in honor of Celestia. I wouldn't try going to crazy with it, or do and just expect your readers to be confused.
>>41008625I plan on starting the week with Moon's Day (marking the full, new, and half phases) and name the others after the Elements of Harmony (Laughter's Day, Honesty's Day, etc.). And the months will be named after heroes of old Equestria. the ones that had to combine themselves into Discord, but that's another matter entirely
>>41005524I'll stop when you stop attaching a flag to posts where it has zero relevancy.Or when you finally put on a trip, so I can filter you.
>>41009811Cope.
>>41009795>spoilerBased 2013 headcanon enjoyer.
>>41009742I wonder if anyone's made a detailed street map of Canterlot or Ponyville with street names and such like
>>41009260I like it when fics have the twist villain give Luna a magical lobotomy.
>>41010104Speaking of lobotomy.
>>41010104That green sucks
>>41009713Hey he was just joking
>>410098114chanX > Wrench icon > Main. Scroll down to "Filtering" and make sure "Recursive Hiding" is checked. Then go to the Filter tab and change the dropdown to Flag. Add a line with the three characters /./ and your life will change forever.
>>41010150You don't like reading about soap dildos?
Is it possible to proofread a story without ruining your enjoyment of it?
>>41009921Something similar: https://www.deviantart.com/aurek-skyclimber/art/Map-of-Ponyville-Labeled-v3-2-215925777See gallery for load of screencap references.
>>41010518I don't see why not. Then again, I've never proofread a story I would've otherwise read.
>>41010298What if I wasn't joking? What if that's my genuine moon-loving opinion?>"Um... That sounds, umm... Okay. Moondays. Well, Moonights.">"Thank you, Twilight. I believe that we will both have fun. Be sure to soundproof your bedroom."
>>41008625>What are your thoughts on renaming the months and days of the year?Every single day of the week is canon, as is June and August.You run into the DOWAS metric time, or anon and military ranks, issue where readers can't or refuse to keep track of whatever bizarre etymology lore you've invented to explain why the Roman Empire doesn't exist while still using the word "pony" (Latin root "pullus"). It's really autistic and it yields little lore returns while being incredibly frustrating to read.>>41009153>he doesn't have every episode from the first three seasons memorizedNow who's shiggying?>>41009213August is directly mentioned in Equestria Games.
>>41009689doesn't necessarily have to be penetrative sex. an over the pants hoofjob, strangely grindy cuddling, crotch nuzzling, flankjob, etc. all more likely.
>>41004159>the good ol' times of 2016I don't remember anything like this in the last thread.
>>41004159Tell me what happens in Prey and a Lamb cause I am too lazy to read the whole thing
>>41009120On the contrary; MNS is a very uplifting fic, and the message of hope is ever-present, even in the darkest moments.
>>41010650>while still using the word "pony"Translation convention.>metric time, military ranksHave actual meaning in the setting.>>41008625Basically if you're fucking with weekdays and months then you can change their names, if you aren't, just keep them the same.Romans had a lunar calendar, and pre-Republican one had 38 8-day weeks arranged in 10 months, plus ~50 unspecified winter days, for example. Then they devised Republican calendar, which had 13 months - the 12 you're used to plus bi-yearly length adjustment month of 27/28 days coming after February (which was the last month of the year at the time), which was 28/23 days long.Egyptians had a solar civilian calendar with 3 seasons of 120 days each, divided into 4 30-day months, divided into 3 10-day weeks, plus five days of no month; and religious lunar calendar. Which is a system that requires hard divergence from canon since lunar calendar for festivals invalidates Luna's reason for NMMing.
>>41004337I have wanted to write a certain story since 2009. I am currently struggling because the most recent iteration of the idea that I am obsessing over I don't actually have a core 'premise' for. Usually when someone is inspired to create a concept they have a solid idea of what to aim for or what they want, even if it undergoes refinement and changes through the development process. In my case, it seems I came up with some vague concepts, but nothing concrete. That is to say, if you asked me what the idea is about, I could only really explain the setting and some concepts about it, not anything relating to a story, or even an 'elevator pitch' about the premise beyond a generic setting description.This is more than a bit troublesome since I can't quite articulate what is wrong, and am trying to reverse-engineer a point from a bunch of setting ideas I have, in order to move forward and begin to develop it seriously. I don't have anything fundamental to hook onto that I know I can confidently move onward with, and i'm not certain how to get there.
>>41004337I haven't been suffering enough for true artistry. Hopefully that changes soon.
>>41011391I'm so glad that Equestria's years are 360 days long, divided into 12 months of 30 days each, and 7-day weeks.
>>41011391Yeah the more I think on it the more I get that things for ponies may as well not go that far into the 'tism.It's best to do as >>41009142 says and have a few unique holidays, which I've already done for other fics.
>>41011468Yeah, when you control the Sun personally, you don't need leap years, or non-30 day months
>>41011577Yeah, but then why keep 7 day weeks?Do 5 weeks of 6 days a month.
>>41011577What you do need is cock though.
>>41011642At least Luna has the excuse of being literally banished into the fucking Moon for a thousand years to explain why she didn't get laid.
>>41011661Loved and lost, baby.
>>41011667>Celestia is so pure and good that she only has one partner in her entire eternal life
>>41011642Damn straight she does.
>>41011671You don't understand, the dick was so good that it broke her long before her heart was shattered.
>>41011681>humanKys
>>41011681>no horsecocksadge
>>41011681Best pony and best princess gets the best pics.
>>41011684>>41011685Why are you guys cucks?
>>41011681>HumanBased.
>>41011692they're jealous of the mares for getting that human dick.
>>41011692>he doesn't self-insert as the literal horse-fucker
>>41011689Better. Much better. >>41011692Why are you a turbo fag?
>>41011707>having sex with Celestia is now gay
>>41011708>inserting in faceless maleJesus how disgusting. Actually lower on the IQ scale.
>>41011713?
HIE and AIE's emphasis on heterosexual male fantasies and escapism makes it inherently based. It prioritizes male (penis) enjoyment, not false intellectual preening. And that sincerity and confidence in masculinity terrifies today's gelded, effeminate circlejerking-/fimfic/-dwellers.They prefer their horsewords full of lesbian shipping, dickgirl futanari, or self-insert OCs getting TOPPED by big stallion cocks. The sight of a regular dude balls deep in candy colored horsepussy triggers their latent homosexuality, forcing them to retreat to crying in this general.
>>41011708>he thinks he's in the pictureLike I said, faggot.
>>41011727That isn't not me though.
>>41011681>human shouldersDisgusting.
>>41011750
>>41012070Celestia is so much prettier and sexier. It's unfair.
>>41012070DMC3 boss
>>41012070Luna is so much prettier and sexier. It's unfair.
>>41012070What is unfair, is that they made Celestia orange
>>41010390Woah, the quality of this thread suddenly improved
>>41010836search the archive
>>41011702>>41011713>self-inserting as a horseLiterally /ptg/ tier
>>41012079Yeah. She even makes for a better Moon princess than Luna too.
>>41011692this. I'll never understand these furfags seething over human on pony. it's almost like they don't want to fuck the pony.
>>41012172That's why there should be no males in the picture, just the mare. It's perfect that way.
>>41012181I agree BUT in an animated one like that, I'd rather it was a cock than an aggresively pink dildo
>>41012176>I'll never understandI could see some anons projecting their justified dislike of HiE in fics onto porn. Granted, at least the flaggot is an actual furfag but the rest don't have to be.
>>41012202>their justified dislike of HiE in fics onto porn.I'm pretty sure their dislike of humans came first and then when they saw bad HiE fics they just took it as reaffirming them.
>>41012172>you must self insert to enjoy the pornThis is why you are wrong and dumb. Porn is appreciated the way all media is. You don't self insert as the characters.
>>41012249Did you even bother reading the posts I replied to, you colossal fucking retard?
>>41004159There was this fic called Friendship is Stellar with an interesting concept, but of course the author deleted it ):<
>>41012331>he doesn't knowAlso, the concept is stupid. Not the "poochie gets icecubed in the caves" part, but the "without poochie all is lost" part. That implication's a shit.
>>41012296The second is me, retard. Don't lump me in with the other inserter.
>>41012526>implying there's any difference
>>41012526Just self-insert as the first one.E-Z.
Hey, help me out here: Has Spike ever ridden Rarity? Did he do it at the end of "Dog and Pony Show" or not?
>>41012584Nah, just Twiggles.
>>41012584He rode Rarity's cart.
>>41012238this, I've seen a lot of people like that saying they struggle with self hatred.
>>41012595>>41012615Thank you. I guess riding anypony is close enough for what I needed.
>>41012623Drawing reference?
>>41012629No, this is a writing thread. I can give you more details if you still want them. I just needed to point out how touchy-feely ponies are.
>>41012340Doesn't know what?
>authors who use the word plot instead of ass or rumpyes we've all seen the meme, we don't need to be asked if we remember it in every single story
>>41012714
>>41012742It's just as annoying when people use flank for the arse.
>>41012742Might wanna speak up, I don't think that choir heard you.
>>41012746tfw writers can't tell a cannon from a pastern or a body brush from a dandy brush. let's not even get started on markings
>>41012746That's on the show.
>>41012773>people taking a schoolyard bully's chant as an anatomy lessonI'm starting to think the "media literacy" fags have a point.
>>41012773I primarily recall it being related to blankflanks, which is obviously a meme term as a cutie mark appears on the haunch/croup.Sadly, it seems that people took this to mean the flank is the arse.
Also, it used to be that the saying went 'a pain in the neck', which soon also became 'a pain in the arse'.'A pain in the flank' should also stand just fine, as a pain anywhere works, but because of the latter change I wouldn't be surprised if that's another point in idiots probably thinking flank can mean arse.
>>41012777Media literacy has never been high. People who think it's a modern problem are ignorant idiots.
>>41012746Ponies who couldn't have heard DT&SS also use it to refer to the place that the cutie mark is on. Some other examples:>some bullies back in Manehattan just been teasin' her to pieces for her blank flank.>Tell that to the flank! Upside-down horseshoe – bad luck.>something to do with those wonderful, amazing marks on the ponies' flanks.Unlike haunch/croup, 'flank' shows up a lot in the show. This is one of the situations where being perfectly anatomically correct is not just unnecessary, but outright retarded, and there's nothing wrong with using the show's instantly recognizable word instead. Obviously depends on the fic and all that, but I'd wage it's probably a better choice in the vast majority of stories.
>>41012790A thorn in one's side is a common complaint, often levied against prereaders. Still, I wouldn't put that much faith in the writers of this hallowed fandom.
>>41012790an even more autistic peeve is writers using the word herd when they mean band
>>41012826>hallowedI didn't know the fandom had reached the mech bosses already.
I can't believe Vinyl got a canon voice after all these years.
>>41010836I haven't reread it so some of this is probably wrong>super evil lamb has been locked up for decades in pony gitmo>they don't even really remember what he did, just that he's really bad (i think he used magic to make them forget)>he gets paroled to assist in investigating a string of breakins>during it he mindraeps one of the perps and implants most of his memories into her, turning her into a loyal servant>after he solves the case he gets locked up in the local brig and forgotten about until after S1E1>eventually Luna reaches out to him via dream realm to work for her new lunar guard>he does and befriends a batpony and a batpony-pegasus hybrid>eventually a few others join their team but they're mostly forgettable>they all go on wacky misadventures across equestria that always result it death or disfigurement>prey always saves the day with his esoteric knowlege (and secret use of dark magic)>prey does evil shit like infesting the canterlot sewers with monsters to guard his secret lair>he uses his mindraep powers to fuck up the changelings because they're a hivemind>prey grows really close to crimson (the hyrbid)>a million words pass>on their last adventure batpone dies>shit keeps going wrong for him and crimson, basic grimdark stuff>soon after celestia finally crosses paths with prey and sees what he is>forces him to realize that he's actually a cloth doll created by an old witch who couldn't have kids>she kills him because it's grimderp and she sees it as the only morally correct way to help him>the monster under canterlot awakens and she teleports it away to fight it>it gravely wounds her which later causes her to job to chryssy, who does what she did in the show because she was driven insanse by prey>prey's magic makes everyone except crimson and celly forget who he was>celly asks crimson to help reclaim the sewers, he tells her to fuck off and quits>he moves to a shack in the everfree and prey sometimes visits him from the underworldthe best thing about the story was the meltdown it gave rakdar (he was pippflag right? is he even still around?)
>>41012907>a million words passSo is most of the story basically filler?>she kills him because it's grimderp and she sees it as the only morally correct way to help himIf that’s actually how it’s framed that’s dumb. >is pippflag still around?I can’t recall when he last posted, at least maybe 1 1/2 years ago.
>>41012907>he was pippflag right?I always thought it was just the NMMflaggot trying to be inconspicuous when trying to workshop his proposed war epic about a mormon bringing about the industrial revolution.
>>41012907>chryssyChrysalis?
>>41012907>he was pippflag right?The >>41012968 anon is right. Pippflag and the NMMflag were always the same (although we were at times visited by a different, board-wide NMM shitposter). NMMPipp left after he lost his hard drive with several hundred thousands of worldbuilding notes for that grand HiE fic of his. Assuming he wasn't lying or exaggerating about it, which is doubtful.
>>41012907Crimson feels like a mary sue.
>>41012181>not wanting mares to receive pleasurengmi
>>41012998Rude...
>>41012990>NMMPipp left after he lost his hard drive with several hundred thousands of worldbuilding notes for that grand HiE fic of his. Assuming he wasn't lying or exaggerating about it, which is doubtful.It was probably still suit anyways so nothing of value was probably lost since all super long fics are mediocre at best on the whole. Also how long ago was this?
>>41009533Where can I find said discussion? I keep hearing about the club. I don't know what it is.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/434003/the-archetypistRead it in a day lol. It was pretty good but definitely not CiG's best. The tension throughout the whole story, Twilight's petty and violent thoughts, how everything becomes seamlessly dream-like. That' was really good. I wonder why Twilight lost her sight. Her staring at the sun is her devotion to Celestia, but I can't think of anything else. Also, complaints: where tf is Spike? Where was Pinkie? Where was Celestia? Why did everyone hold Discord in some manner of disregard? The ending. It... It sucked? Pinkie was weird. Discord's fate is unjust. The story lacked characters.
>>41013270>I keep hearing about the club. I don't know what it is.It's a secret club ^:)
>>41012907>forces him to realize that he's actually a cloth dollThank God I didn't sit through a million words for that.>>41012907>is he even still around?NMMpipp thankfully hasn't been around in a long time. He does still log into his Fimfic account, though.>>41013144>so nothing of value was probably lostIt definitely wasn't. The plot was a Mormon HiE leading a rebellion against Equestria using his advanced metallergy, welding, shipbuilding, steam engine designing, military warfare tactical training, and economic knowledge to construct a fleet of ironclads and lead his rebelling province into an industrial revolution.>>41013144>Also how long ago was this?2021. I only remember because that's when I made pic related.>>41013270>The ending. It... It sucked?Now you can join the other anons in the hunt for the original version, which allegedly didn't have a shitty ending.
>>41013144I’ve only read like four fics past 1M but Bad Mondays upholds a great measure of quality for a fic of that size.
>>41013577>which allegedly didn't have a shitty ending.It's more that the ending felt more in-tone with the rest of the story and packed a stronger punch with how quick paced the 8k word version was.Also, no stupid coda to double down on "no, this is a GOOD thing!"
>>41013577Until the whole Mormon HiE thing came up I was actually kinda interested. Even though "kicking off the Industrial Revolution in Equestria" is probably a concept that inevitably ends up preachy or severely anti-pony, it's still something that I found intriguing since starting to read horsewords.A while ago I even had an idea of writing a story about a pony inventing a lightbulb, only to be visited by Luna, who explains to him that sure this tech is very helpful right now and would improve pony society, but that she foresaw that it would kick off a sort of technological arms race that would completely jeopardize the Equestrian peace, ultimately leading to the guy souring on the whole idea and breaking the bulb himself. I think there is merit to it still, but it could easily end up feeling like ludditejerking. Not to mention it conflicts with the show.>>41012907What really baffles me is that both your and NMMAnon's recounts basically say the story is a whole lot about nothing. And you know, maybe it's the journey that counts and all that, but there really doesn't seem to be anything overall satisfying about this fic.Is it just sunk cost?>>41012070Maybe it's a Tumblirsm, but I fucking love when they put celestial halos behind C&L. I think it's a really cool visual effect without going overboard.
>>41012621I don't. I'm just not sexually attracted to humans and don't want to see them in my porn.
>>41013689I gotta ask why a lightbulb, just so he could shatter it at the end? It's just such a weirdly late invention in terms of humanity's industrial revolution that relies on so many other previous breakthroughs for it to be more than a novelty item like early batteries and generators. What made it so special in your mind that Luna herself needs to come in person and tell him to shut it down.
>>41013782>It's just such a weirdly late invention in terms of humanity's industrial revolutionWell, that's why it was just a fleeting idea and not something I ever put serious thought into.>What made it so special in your mind that Luna herself needs to come in person and tell him to shut it down.But to answer the question, the point isn't the lightbulb itself, rather that it's a very visual metonymy for electricity, inventions, and industrialization as a whole. It's basically breaking the metaphorical lightbulb above someone's head.I like some measure of moral ambiguity in stories, so it would've been an exercise in deciding what's better: a known stable state, which is prone to potential stagnation vs. the opportunity for tech to arise and either elevate ponykind to new heights or break it.As for why Luna... It's pure headcanon, but since she's the dreamwalker, I'd imagine if either of the alicorns has any prescience, it'd be her.
>>41013787>the point isn't the lightbulb itself, rather that it's a very visual metonymy for electricity, inventions, and industrialization as a whole.That makes sense and even makes for a decent metaphor. Although it kinda falls apart when you consider there was basically a century between Coulomb and Faraday, and almost 50 years between him and Edison. Luna's kinda late to stop this whole electricity tend by the time somepony comes up with the light bulb.> I'd imagine if either of the alicorns has any prescience, it'd be herCelestia is canonically the one with the Gift of Apallo with her prophetic dreams and all.
>>41013831>almost 50 years between Coulomb and Faraday, and basically a century between him and Edison*I need to go to bed...
>>41013270>>39922498 and replies for the first half, and>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbi145cMxDwFor the second
>>41013888Beyond all the technical issues and the, uh, haphazard planning, this was pretty fun. Also it really messes with me how much deeper my voice sounds in my head compared to on a microphone.>>41013831While everything you say here is fair, I reckon with ponies you have some leeway. Maybe for humanity it took a Coulomb and a Faraday and an Edison (plus all the others), but here it could've been the breakthrough of someone who was more or less destined for it by their mark.
>>41012746>>41012821Yeah, it also makes sense that normal ponies wouldn't use perfectly accurate words.
>>41013916>destined for it by their mark.ngmi
>>41013831This. Individual people and moments that seem to change history of their own accord always only ever happen in the first place as a part of some theme or trend of the context in which they exist.
>>41014018No?
>>41013831>>41013787>>41014018Edison did not invent the lightbulb arguably he didn't invent anything as he was just commissioning other people a-la what Musk is doing today, but that's beyond the point, he invented the ways to make the lightbulb actually worthwhile - namely, quick replacement plus wiring them in parallel. Slight improvements in other regards (lasting double-digit hours due to better filament and purer vacuum) are secondary to quickswap and all light not shutting off if one bulb dies.The problem isn't "no singular inventor", the problem is that any layman-understood "invention" is actually many real inventions that someone put in a trenchcoat in a convincing way.Incidentally you don't even need Coulomb and Faraday for a pony lightbulb because pegasi can already harness lightning, so all it takes is understanding that incandescence produces light, that electricity can cause incandescence, and that carbon has the highest melting point infinity, you need pressure in gigapascals to get it to melt instead of sublimate - and it sublimates at higher temperature than everything else too of all room-condition solids.
>lighbulbsAlthough the early seasons of FiM use creative solutions like the firefly lamps from Bridle Gossip and Read It and Weep, the lightbulb has already been invented by the ponies. It's definitely not just a F&F thing, either; I'm pretty sure the hospital from Read It and Weep also has electric lighting.
>>41014059>a-la what Musk is doing todayCreating a lightbulb and creating a rocket are two very different things. A single man can absolutely create a lightbulb, a single man absolutely cannot create an orbital rocket. Any sufficiently complex system is impossible to "invent" by this standard because it at some point requires multiple people working on it.
>>41014068>s2your canonit's knotted
>>41014073They're both enterpreneurs, not inventors.>a single man absolutely cannot create an orbital rocketNobody tell this guy about the first astronaut.
>>41014092So you do believe it's just not possible for someone to be credited as having invented something if multiple people worked on it.Also>not inventors.>he invented the ways to make the lightbulb actually worthwhileWhat exactly is inventing to you?
>>41014068I mean you can literally hear a light switch being turned on in the first episode with pinkies surprise party for twilight. >>41014092I don’t think yuri fabricated Vostok 1 by himself…
Technology isn't real. It's all tiny critters doing everything behind smoke and mirrors.
>>41012907That sounds pretty dumb and like one of those autism fics where someone tries to explain issues or develop concepts in the show with their own headcanon but instead of providing a fun or silly reason its an edgy or autistic 'actually x was behind everything!!!' type drivel.I assume the fic is a lot better than this explanation or is it yet another 'story that appears to be quality that is recommended endlessly is actually pretty bad like all the others'?
>>41014143>autism ficsAnon that’s 99% of all fanfiction
I am going to make Fallout:Equestria but actually good. Mark my words. You WILL see me on Fimfiction with 436 upvotes and 33 downvotes.
>>41014159>I am going to make Fallout:Equestria but actually good.This really wouldn't be that hard for anyone who's halfway competent at writing.
>>41014171alright, wiseass, try shitting out half a million words in a timely manner.
>>41014237>try shitting out half a million wordsYou failed before you even made it to the starting line.
>>41014244Who are you, my dad?
>>41014253Yes.Now go to your room and write.
Jesus Christ, why.
>>41014353Attention.
>>41014237>>41014244I am reminded of that one loud house fic that’s 18 million words long and gets updated with a several thousand word chapter every day.
>>41014353Watch this getting a hundred upvotes anyway, because Shimmerfags are almost as obsessed as AiEfags
>>41012968>his proposed war epic about a mormon bringing about the industrial revolution.That's what it's about?
Futalestia fics?
>>41014546>this is the Princess's idea of a "prank" or a "practical joke"
>>41014546https://www.fimfiction.net/story/426549/totalityNot sure if it'll be gay enough for you, though.
>>41014560>Diplomatic relations break down between Equestria and a neighbouring country>Celestia raises the sun at just the right angle to hit the eyes of the opposing leader every morning until they capitulate>Victory
>done with my reading for both clubsNow what?
>Biblical Mobsters
>>41014782>Same fic but Twilight kills the humans with the hammer\improvement
>>41014059True, Edison was much more of a businessman than an actual inventor. He did invent some stuff himself to get his start but it was mostly improved designs to existing devices. >The problem isn't "no singular inventor", the problem is that any layman-understood "invention" is actually many real inventions that someone put in a trenchcoat in a convincing way.This is also true, even someone like Tesla who people claim invented everything from the transformer to the AC machine to the deathray actually just made some of the first practical examples of those devices. except the deathray he never got that one working>Incidentally you don't even need Coulomb and Faraday for a pony lightbulb because pegasi can already harness lightningMaybe, but pegasi generating lightning in clouds is basically a magical version of an electrostatic generator and would have most of the same issues as them. Plus then you don't get to come up with fun ponified versions of them like Cumulus Nimbus who explained how electrical charges push and pull each inside of a storm cloud or Farrier Day who invented the horseshoe magnetic generator.
>>41014823Those names suck and you should feel bad.
>>41014826Look at my flag, do you think I have enough self awareness to "feel bad" about my terrible ideas?
>>41014834Yes.
>>41014839I see you're new to the thread then.
>>41014766Read them again to make sure you didn't miss anything.
>>41014979I'd rather not.
>>41014766You're free. Be happy.
ok then i started writing my first fanfic and i want some feedback.so please feel free to do just that> The Extraordinary Tales of AstrosparkA blue unicorn from Sire's Hollow Named Astrospark goes on a long and dangerous journey to Discover the strange Lands beyond Equestria and Find a Mysterious Alicorn while trying to learn how to be Brave.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/553897/the-extraordinary-tales-of-astrosparkI'm more of an Original story set in the world of FIM type of guy so I don't think I will use the show characters cause i don't like writing OOC.hope you enjoy it.
>>41015162What makes it an AU?
>>41015162You German? Watch those capitals.>I'm more of an Original story set in the world of FIM type of guyI assume the alternate universe tag is a mistake then
>>41015279>What makes it an AU?>>41015333>I assume the alternate universe tag is a mistake theni might have made a mistake because in my story there won't be mention of the main Six or anything related to the characters of the showso i thought 'Okay it's an alternate universe than" and now i see that it's not, right?idk what makes a story AU?>You German? Watch those capitals.sorry got too excited with the new keyboard kek
>>41015353>what makes a story AU?Deviating from the show or established canon.
>>41015363i see so a story that will take place outside of Equestria and in another place that i created can be considered AU right?
>>41015363>>41015381No. AU is changing the show's canon world to something else. The mane six living in a cyberpunk dystopia Equestria would be an AU. Shining Armor not existing while Cadance does still exist would be an AU. A story set during season one would not be an AU. A story set in another part of the world that's detached from whatever we see in the show would not be an AU.
>>41015353>>41015381The AU tag is for settings that deviate from the show canon from the start, i.e. the point of deviation comes before the proper start of the plot. Stuff like a story in a world where Nightmare Moon never happened, and the actual prevention of NMM isn't the plot's focus. If a story starts out in canon and gradually changes, it's not AU. If a story is set in the show canon, but you're adding on top of that, it's not AU.
>>41015414>>41015415oh thanks a lot!and I removed the AU tag!
>>41015162Needs more "show".Ch1:For the presentation, have him giving some details about the places he researched. You should include the locations of the four essences, along with a few others.To show he's "not brave enough" at the start of the story, have him go into detail about the locations and histories (suggest it, just have a sentence or two, implied to be in the middle of the section he's talking about) and have him talk more quickly, kind of mumble, or skip parts that talk about the life-threatening dangers of the place.Ch2:When Oracle announces itself, have it spout off a bunch of official-sounding titles instead of just "a powerful alicorn". Something like "a message from the Great Alicorn WhatsHisFace, Prince of Whatchamacallit, Soverign of Overthere and Defender of All Something!"Since we established he knows about the general locations where he will find the essences, have him imagine the hazards of the places doing him in when they are mentioned. (At this point, he's still kind of cowardly, right?)"Beige" isn't often thought of as a flattering color. How about "cream" or something?Then Oracle tells him about the princess. He can accept the mission despite his fears at this point, it's gone from "risk your life for no particular reason" to "rescue a princess".
Have you ever had a fic that made you like a character you didn't care about before? For me it's RaF.
>>41015458>To show he's "not brave enough">have him talk more quickly, kind of mumble, or skip parts that talk about the life-threatening dangers of the place.That doesn't imply he's not brave, that's just trying to downplay the danger
>>41015475Winning Pony sure increased my interest in Cloudkicker.
>>41015475Definitely the same for me, but that's cheating. Though yes, I do like her now and I see her as her RaF self, but Sassa is basically an OC in that fic. As for characters with existing personalities, Trixie's stocks went way up for me after reading Eyes on You. But that might also not count since I already liked her before.Wait, no. I have a better answer. Comes with a dozen caveats, but still. Sunset Shimmer.
>>41015475Say the full name before using abbreviations, holy shit, how is this so hard to understand? Isn't this the reading/writing thread? Shouldn't you guys understand how to make yourself understandable?
>>41015475Anthropology/Mendacity made me a fan on Lyra and Bon Bon over a decade ago. DoWaS got me to think of diamond dogs as something other than throw away villains.
>>41015520I squee in delight whenever I see her in the background now.>spoilerWhich fic(s)?
>>41015527Lurk more, nonny.
>>41015475Exit Through Canterlot and University Days made me like Octavia.>>41015529>Anthropology/Mendacity made me a fan on Lyra and Bon Bon over a decade ago.I liked Anthropology's Equestria part and I liked Mendacity, but damn after all these years I still don't care about them. I don't really know why, I like most other popular background ponies.
>>41015535I've been here since 2014, I've never read RaF or read anything interesting about it either, but I was curious what pony Anon is talking.
>>41015482How about if he's also shuffling his hooves a little, maybe glancing around, too, like he wants to run away from something? Forced smiles. Stiffening slightly.Unless he's actually brave, and the council just wants their skilled lackey to not leave.
>>41015531Primarily MagnetBolt's Machina Cor Armageddon and The Witch of the Everfree, but I've been more receptive to her fandom personality in general after reading MCA. Only as a pony, of course.
>>41015458hell yeah! FEEDBACK!!>For the presentation, have him giving some details about the places he researched. You should include the locations of the four essences, along with a few others.okay this might be a good idea i will try it.>When Oracle announces itself, have it spout off a bunch of official-sounding titles instead of just "a powerful alicorn". Something like "a message from the Great Alicorn WhatsHisFace, Prince of Whatchamacallit, Soverign of Overthere and Defender of All Something!"okay so with this one, my idea of Oracle is that it's kinda incompetent and i was going to make it forget the queen's name,so i will see what i can do with your advice here.>Since we established he knows about the general locations where he will find the essences, have him imagine the hazards of the places doing him in when they are mentioned.I'm planning to do something similar in the next few chapters so don't worry,also FYI he doesn't really know where to find them, and neither does Oracle,so he's speculating and will go to the frozen north hoping to find the first essence there.>"Beige" isn't often thought of as a flattering color. How about "cream" or something?ok thanks>Then Oracle tells him about the princess. He can accept the mission despite his fears at this point, it's gone from "risk your life for no particular reason" to "rescue a princess".i didn't get this one. do you mean that he changed his mind really quickly or?also what do you think in general? do you see potential in the story?
>>41015543Sassaflash.>>41015548>Only as a pony, of courseFor now.
>>41015550>kinda incompetentHave him give slightly different names and titles each time. Have him correct himself to the previous mistake when Astrospark points it out.>"Queen Deco? Didn't you say her name was Queen Echo?">"What? Yes! Of course! That's exactly what I meant!">he changed his mind really quickly or?The council said he wasn't suited for field work because of a lack of bravery. Is it true? If he is being held back by his fears, the idea of a rescue mission could be the first step in facing them. He know the dangers he is going to face (he studied them extensively) but he has a purpose and a reason to face the peril.
>>41015550>in general?What do you have planned from here? Other characters? What's he going up against?
>>41015475Hold it together has pretty good Lyra and bonbon characterization that really charmed me. Though bonbons a glowie in this fic, but I think it’s still executed well.
>>41015475Sure, there's a few. Though I guess only CK + Alula count for characters I didn't care/think too much about, these did make me absorb some of their ideas into my own headcanon/fic ideas for them.>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/506908/not-like-a-geodeI'm a dramafag to more core so the idea of Limestone having romantic troubles because she struggles to connect because of just how naturally aggressive/abrasive she can be is fun. She's just kind of scary, and even when she tries to dial it back she still wigs ponies out. It builds on nicely to that "I'm not jealous!" joke from the Maud/Sheldon episode, imo.>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/472521/stormwalkerI REALLY like the dynamic in this. It's not uncommon to make Flitter a ditz/airhead but to the point that Cloudchaser actually has to devote a ton of her time keeping her in line just clicks for me. The love + protectiveness mixed with frustration is super interesting to read about it.>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/503028/the-cloud-that-never-kicked-backAnother sister dynamic. Cloudkicker being overall kinda meek and permissive while Alula's just a loud brat.>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/490413/someone-to-loveI'm always flip-flopping on how I feel about Cadance but her being able to kinda see into ponies' futures by being able to read all the love they'll spread/receive is cool as hell.
>>41015581>Have him give slightly different names and titles each time. Have him correct himself to the previous mistake when Astrospark points it out.you just gave me a good idea thanks>If he is being held back by his fears, the idea of a rescue mission could be the first step in facing them.yep that's basically one of the reasons that led him to accept the mission to show the world that he can be a brave Explorer.> He know the dangers he is going to face (he studied them extensively)oh yeah about this, Astrospark might know everything about those places but he never experienced going on an adventure before so you can say one of the reasons he doesn't show fear at the moment is because he expectations and has false hope that this journey will not be hard because he read so many books and study the locations but he will eventually get a reality check and face the grim truth.>but he has a purpose and a reason to face the peril.indeed he has.>What do you have planned from here? Other characters?I'm planning for a long adventure where he has to meet new ponies and non-ponies and befriend them I'm thinking of a zebra, a yak, a mermare, and a griffon but we will see and yes it is a Jojo reference. and once he reaches the distant land of Exteria well then he will meet new types of creatures bizarre and the REAL Journey starts.>What's he going up against?a creature so evil and so powerful that wants to steal all the stars. and they might be inspired by Greek mythology.hope this would answer you questios
>>41015628I like the idea of Moondancer as Luna's secretary / assistant, the moon princess counterpart to Raven. Before seeing her in that role, I liked Amending Fences, but not Moondancer herself.I already liked Cadance, but a lot of fanfics have made me really like her a lot.As Rariflag said, Sassaflash is cheating, but if you want to enjoy another fic with an OC named Sassaflash, there is Integration, which also features a good OC rendition of Caramel. Both of them are good in it.
>>41015162>first fanficI thought, "I'll read one paragraph, tell him to fix his grammar, and move on." But no, you had to open with>In the enchanting Land of Sire's Hollow, where magic weaves through every cobblestone and whispers linger in the breeze, a brilliant blue unicorn by the name of Astrospark was bustling about his cozy study.which is annoyingly competent. Fuck. Why are you making my life hard? I have to give you real advice now.>enchantingShow, don't tell. Rather than just telling us the land is enchanting you should say something like>where magic weaves through every cobblestone and whispers linger in the breezeFuck. Competent again. Still, in light of this clause, "enchanting" adds nothing and slows your opening sentence.But this clause could still be better. When you put a description like this in the first sentence, you're not just establishing setting; you're also establishing theme. It sounds (whether or not you intend it) like the magic in the cobblestones and the whispers in the breeze are not just facts about the setting, but part of the story. If you have any idea where the story is going to go, this is a good place to hint. (The opening of Tuck Everlasting does a great job of this.)>a brilliant blueI don't quite know what "brilliant" is meant to convey here. "Bright"? "Sparkling"? "Intensely chromatic"? For something as important as establishing the main character, you need to be careful with your choice of words. You may want to include a longer description of him, but it has to go a little later (unless you want a slow opening that will make people stop reading).>unicorn by the name of AstrosparkIt might work better not to name him in this sentence. If you want to grip readers right away, you need to get to something interesting. Names are only rarely interesting. You can get away with just calling him a unicorn here. He can be named in the next paragraph.>was bustling aboutAnd you were doing so well! But this is a disaster. You need to give him something specific to do. Again: Show, don't tell. We have no context, so "bustling" sounds like mindless motion, not useful activity. (Also, passive voice makes English teachers cry.)>his cozy study.Another failure. You're telling, not showing. You should expand on what makes the study cozy. Again, you don't have to do that in this paragraph (where you're trying to hook the reader) but once you do, "cozy" is redundant.>Books upon books towered around him,You can do more with this by describing the stacks of books. Are they neat? Then Astrospark is organized. Are they messy? Then he's not. Are the books open? The towers about to fall? He must be actively working.>their spines worn with knowledge as old as time.Knowledge doesn't wear anyone down (except students). The spines can be worn with use or from damage, but not with knowledge.I'm going to read past the first paragraph now.
>>41016205>capitalizationSprechen Sie Deutsch? Aber diese Geschichte ist auf Englisch.>"I'm on my way!"He shouted,Missing space after the ">and when they finally thanked him and began to leaveWhat? They're going to make a decision and not tell him?This whole scene comes off a little weird. One of the difficulties with speculative fiction is that the reader doesn't already know how the world works. I don't know who the Committee is or why they seem to control Astrospark's future. I don't know what a Researcher or an Explorer is. I don't know why exploring is dangerous. I don't know why Astrospark's research is so valuable that he needs to be protected. You can and should explain these things, but only a little. If you spend too much time explaining them, then your plot gets forgotten and your story gets boring. If you don't explain them enough, like now, then the reader is either confused or doesn't appreciate the significance of what's going on.>Besides, you lack the necessary bravery and risk-taking spirit required for such a role.Why does she think this? Surely she has a reason for this belief. It's very unlikely that she could have concluded this from his presentation alone, so he must have done something in the past to convince her of this. What was it?>it struck him on the headA shooting star is literally a falling chunk of ice and rock. Imagine getting hit with such a thing; you'd die. So when your story needs something like this to happen, you fudge it a little: It comes at him; there's a deafening explosion and a flash of light; he's knocked down; and he thinks, "What happened? Did I just get hit by a shooting star?" And it turns out that it landed in front of him and he's lucky to be alive. Same effect but more believable. You can have him struck with small fragments or something if that's important.>It was still glowing softly, the velvet symbol shimmering in the dim light of his study.I thought it was an orb, so "velvet symbol" makes no sense to me. You explain in the next paragraph that there's a symbol etched into the orb, but right here the reader doesn't know that. Also, velvet is a kind of fabric, so it's not going to survive re-entry. Also also, I thought he was outside, not in his study.>Alone once again, Astrospark sat in silence, the weight of the decision heavy on his shouldersHe was just furious with the Committee for not letting him explore, and now he's not sure? Really?(1/2)
>>41016565>PrincessePrincess>Baigehttps://blog.xkcd.com/2010/05/03/color-survey-results/Also, beige is usually seen as bland and unappealing, not pretty.>The Princess's mother, Queen Estella who's the Queen of Exteria and a powerful Alicorn herself,Finally! Incorrect grammar! "Queen Estella" is a supplementary appositive and should be set off with commas:>The Princess's mother, Queen Estella, who's the Queen of Exteria and a powerful Alicorn herself,Also, "who's" sounds inappropriately informal.>He packed his bags with food, water, and suppliesThe last thing you said about his location was that he was trudging home after going to the edge of town (end of chapter 1). He needs to go home before he can pack.>Oracle teasingly commented on his packing skillsShow, don't tell. If you tell like this, we don't get to see Oracle's personality. If you show Oracle making a comment, we see more personality and your story becomes more interesting.>The Four Essences Of EquestriaSounds like perfume. Also, when placed here, this is an awkward infodump. It's better to wait. Sparky starts traveling with the Oracle; he says, "So what do I do?"; the Oracle explains about the perfume.>started telling him her the OracleOne set of pronouns only, thanks.>the weight of the task ahead settling heavily on his shouldersWhy? He's just been told he's going to do something hard and difficult and unexpected, and for what? Why can't he just say, "No"? Or try to negotiate? "Andromeda had better give really good head." "I don't think the Queen would approve of—" "Then the Queen can give me head herself. Otherwise I'm out."?You have a classic fantasy adventure setup. This is both good and bad. It's bad because it's very easy for these stories to be predictable. It's good because a well-written fantasy adventure can be tremendous fun. My first piece of advice is: Keep writing! My second is to read some good fantasy adventures to learn how it's done. Tolkien; Robert Jordan; George R. R. Martin. I liked Roger Zelazny's Amber series. There are lots of good examples out there. Have fun with what you're doing. Ultimately, that's what we're all here for.
>>41015529>DoWaS got me to think of diamond dogs as something other than throw away villains.This, but it was yet again Basenji
>>41015475'GTG' made me like Gilda, mostly because in the show she ends up as little more than "bully of the week". In the fic she has a lot more natural progression from "born cunt" to "actually a pretty decent bird".>>41016763>BasenjiBut also seconding this.
>>41016772>'GTG' made me like GildaIf Sassaflash in RaF is cheating, then this is like double cheating. GTG's Gilda is a complete OC with a more marketable name. The author even painted her in sleek blue royal colors.
>>41004159I have been avoiding reading any more of a witch in broad daylight since twilight proposed https://youtu.be/LIdIbOx9uG0?feature=shared&t=85I dont want it to be over.
>>41016802More like a bitch in broad gaylight amirite?
Does anyone have the link to the original cupcakes? EQD 404ed their original copy
>>41016565>>41016569Damn, I you remind me why I hate editors, and why I never had one
>>41017206*of why
>>41017206Also, you missed a period at the end of the sentence.
>>41017645>isn't itHow do you even make that mistake?
>>41017649She merely made a statement of fact, and then is trying to recall what his name is. Isn't it Little Dragon?
*your
Dear god, a More detailed feedback?!is it Christmas already?WOOO!!let's see>Show, don't tell.noted>I don't quite know what "brilliant" is meant to convey here. "Bright"? i was thinking of something to describe Astrospark being a Nerdy looking pony, didn't want to use Smart or nerdy so i said "Brilliant would do it"> You can get away with just calling him a unicorn here. He can be named in the next paragraph.never thought about this before.>Then Astrospark is organized. Are they messy? Then he's not. Are the books open? Are the towers about to fall? He must be actively working.interesting...i would use that>The spines can be worn with use or from damage, but not with knowledge.I kinda disagree with you about this.>Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Aber diese Geschichte ist auf Englisch.No, I'm not, I just got too excited while typing with a new keyboard.>What? They're going to make a decision and not tell him?not exactly, what i wanted to show with this scene is that the Council didn't even consider Astrospark's research to be groundbreaking and saw it as a usual presentation, so you can say that they were like "Yeah the usual research presentation from Astrospark...anyways"> I don't know who the Committee is or why they seem to control Astrospark's future. I don't know what a Researcher or an Explorer is. I don't know why exploring is dangerous. I don't know why Astrospark's research is so valuable that he needs to be protected.no no, i will explain this later when Astrospark explains why he wants to be an explorer to Oracle/other characters, this is why i didn't want to infodump on the reader.>A shooting star is literally a falling chunk of ice and rock. the point of this was a comedic bit, wanted to create a comedic scene where a character gets hit with an object and he was hit with the orb, not a star.also, come on anon, do you really want to apply Real-life physics in Equestria? the same world where even weirder shit happened.>so "velvet symbol" makes no sense to me. You explain in the next paragraph that there's a symbol etched into the orb, but right here the reader doesn't know that.touché>I thought he was outside, not in his study.no, I wrote "As he trudged home" in the second last paragraph>He was just furious with the Committee for not letting him explore, and now he's not sure? Really?exactly! Astrospark thinks that he's brave enough to go explore and go on an adventure so when he got the opportunity his true self appeared, he was like "Woah that was fast! you know what maybe i need to think about this">Also, beige is usually seen as bland and unappealing, not pretty.yeah, i think i will go with creamy or something.>The Princess's mother, Queen Estella, who's the Queen of Exteria and a powerful Alicorn herselfthanks my bad>Also, "who's" sounds inappropriately informal.yeah Oracle is incompetent, trust me you will see(1/2)
Should have gotten a Jackie Chan tulpa.>/FSSBC/>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/350781/krastos-the-glue-makerI think what's wrong with this fic is the pacing. It's too short and too fast for anything to properly settle. I understand part of this is intended for the sake of tension, but it still doesn't feel right. Nothing has proper weight, and maybe it's because too much is happening. At the same time, not a lot is happening. The fic is always cutting away from the actual action, and while I understand that's done both for the sake of the rating and to add to the horror it really doesn't work out when you don't actually get anything properly shown. All deaths are off-screen and the [gore] tag amounts to a few scratches and wounds, and some cut-off tails. It's weird, too, as this same author wrote Biblical Monsters and that's almost perfectly paced, while also being shorter than this story by five hundred words or so.I didn't like this fic, if it wasn't clear. Not enough to leave a dislike on it, but enough to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I can still praise how polished the writing is, and I'd say it even gets evocative at times. Some scenes are legitimately good, and the epilogue would be great if it was on a better fic. As it stands, though, this story may be less than the sum of its parts. I wonder if part of it is the description's fault. You know the horror is coming, so when 70% of the story is spent dancing around the fact that the horror is coming it loses a lot of its potential. Worse is the whole premise of the thing. Yeah, I'm familiar with where Krastos comes from, but beyond the questionable nature of using the name and title in the first place (even if it fits with the twist), why make him humanoid? And why go through such a convoluted setup to make him humanoid, involving ancient humans in Equestria, in a fic where already the wordcount is so limited and precious?I feel like this fails at being horror. It's far more of a thriller, and to be fair it's tagged as such and yeah, it's a thriller with horror themes, but the cover certainly doesn't make you lean that way. Neither does an opening chapter so reminiscent of SStB, intentionally or not. This feels like it's much more meant to be a more philosophical story about ideas literally harming ponies, but it's shoved oddly into a Nightmare Night costume that doesn't fit it at all, and the way things happen is all weird. We know the CMC's plan, so waiting so long to reveal they had no hoof in all this is just silly. Zecora telling everyone Krastos is real makes little sense when she knows she shouldn't feed the idea, too, and that's a legitimate plot oversight and not just an odd choice. There's a lot here that's questionable.Next week we're reading the first third of:>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/505051/where-only-silver-shinesUp to and including chapter 11, "S5 — Glimmer of Hope".Feel free to decide what we'll read once that is done, too:>https://ponepaste.org/8813
>>41016569>If you show Oracle making a comment, we see more personality and your story becomes more interesting.interesting i should do just that> Also, when placed here, this is an awkward infodump. It's better to wait. Sparky starts traveling with the Oracle; he says, "So what do I do?"; the Oracle explains about the perfume.debatable but i will see>One set of pronouns only, thanks.yeah, my bad! how did i not notice that?!>"Andromeda had better give really good head." "I don't think the Queen would approve of—" "Then the Queen can give me head herself. Otherwise, I'm out."?Kek>Why? He's just been told he's going to do something hard and difficult and unexpected, and for what?i didn't understand this advice very much, could you elaborate?>You have a classic fantasy adventure setup. This is both good and bad. It's bad because it's very easy for these stories to be predictable. It's good because a well-written fantasy adventure can be tremendous fun. My first piece of advice is: Keep writing! My second is to read some good fantasy adventures to learn how it's done. Tolkien; Robert Jordan; George R. R. Martin. I liked Roger Zelazny's Amber series. There are lots of good examples out there. Have fun with what you're doing. Ultimately, that's what we're all here for.good suggestions thanks.also what do you think in general? do you see potential in the story?also also I'm new to the whole Fimfiction thing, is it okay to edit already published chapters or is it like taboo here?
>>41017738I'm not very impressed by this fic, to put it mildly.And I know that the author is good, so I wonder if it's a skill on my part as a reader, but to be honest, I really didn't 'get' this fic. Compared to The Writing on the Wall or Biblical Monsters by the same author, the atmosphere of horror is simply not here for me. At all. I think that if you want to kill off ponies in your fic (particularly any of M6), you need to make sure you have a really good reason for it. It fundamentally separates the fic from FiM. I did not find the theme strong enough to warrant doing that. None of the deaths had any depth, it's just "oops she's dead" and we're onto the next scene. Likewise, going with a human as your mythological monster was a choice I did not really like for the same reason. I get that it's been semi-popular, but I don't like it still. At least the fic went with that other name for Doctor Hooves.I can (and should) acknowledge that it's written extremely nicely on a technical level, with colorful descriptions and a lot of nice dialogue tags, but none of it matters when the entire story fails to get pretty much any reaction out of me. The best thing I can say about it is that it's short. That, or the fact that it has tulpas in it. I'm not a 'mancer myself, but I've been fascinated by the subject, both in 2012 and when it kind of resurfaced a couple years ago. It's strange to see several "wtf is a tulpa" comments under the fic when it was everywhere back in the day, but I suppose that was more of a thing in the old fandom and this is a newer story. But I admit that I half-hoped for a joke twist at the end where they defeat Krastos by summoning a Jackie Chan tulpa.Right, the timeline of when this was written. The fic loves to reference {current_show_thing}, which can be endearing in small doses but is usually annoying past that. We're definitely in the "annoying" zone here. Well, this might be Faustfag streak speaking, since the dumb castle shows up a lot and I hate it. Wow Glimmer!, too.I'm not impressed with the way the characters communicate in general. Assuming the best of the fic, it's likely due to the 'horror' part of the story failing for me, but I couldn't get into the dialogues. And Twilight's so hilariously exaggerated in her Princess-Leader that it reads like OOC, but I suppose that's part for the course with the authors trying to adapt to the perceived canon at the time.
>>41017749>is it okay to edit already published chaptersThere's nothing really wrong with it, only that your initial impression matters most and readers won't really bother to reread a chapter once they've read it once.Still, it's much better to edit early than to rewrite a fic that's been going on far longer.
>>41017738I made an in-depth review of this story some time ago, but my biggest impression was how detached I felt from the events in the story.It really reads as if HV had written a basic outline of A leads into B, which continues to C, and that makes D happen, and never developed the story beyond that outline. Every scene stands out due to how isolated it feels. "I need to establish that Krastos is a threat, so let's have a scene of him skulking in the shadows before taking down a pony. Brilliant. Now we move on to something else."The story was actively working against itself to build a tense atmosphere and let the actual horror build up. As it stands, Krastos is a somewhat decent thriller. And an entertaining one at times. But it's just nowhere near the best Horse Voice has to offer. It sucks, because I can easily see the skeleton of a splendid spooky story in this fic. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.I will say that I can totally empathise with Horse Voice, though. I always go back to this snipped in the first chapters:>"The contest ain't as big as it used to be. Last time we had a chance to enter, Golden Oak was still standin'. But we went crusadin' instead. I know that was important, but even if we win now, not as many ponies are gonna see it."HorseVoice wanted to make a Krastos story for a long, looong time. I can understand the feeling of having taken so long with a project that you feel you've missed your chance to make a big impression with it, but I feel HV just went "well, let's just put it out there" instead of taking his time to polish and fully flesh out this story.
>>41017749>Is it okay to edit already published chapters or is it like taboo here?Why wouldn't it be?You do so to fix mistakes, or add in updates or changes to the story, like if you made a massive plot-hole.
>>41017777Good digits
>>41016802RIP Demolition D
>>41017206Because your writing is bad but you hate criticism?>hate editors>never had one
>>41017862Cringe and retarded. Just be good on the first try.
Why do fanfic writers have no concept of writing multiple drafts?
>>41017907They skip the boring part because they're not forced to do it
>>41017907Because that's stupid and not a real thing.
>>41017907>why do amateur and hobbyist writers not write like industry professionals?
>>41017927Many industry professionals are just hobbyists who happened to have too much money lying around. Gayman and his ties to Scientology are the prime example. The world of published literature is a disgusting facade full of rich people pretending to be like you.
>>41017927It's not like there's anything stopping them. And there's clearly plenty who do really care about what they're doing. So why is it that people just haven't done something so significant to improve their writing?
>>41017949Multiple drafts the way people intend them are a relic of before digital writing. Nowadays you just continuously edit a single draft. That's the industry standard too, from what I know.
>>41017777>>41017862thanksi might change the titles to something like this >Crushed Dreams and Shooting Stars (v2.0) what do you think?
>>41017949How do you know that? Everyone I've done proofreading for has done extensive reworking and rewriting on their fics before publishing. Just because you only see one version doesn't mean there weren't multiple intermediate ones.
>>41017972Don't, it'd be tacky as fuck and (in principle) it could confuse people when they can't find the "v1.0". If you really feel like you need to announce changes, put them in the relevant author's note, but really, you shouldn't make a big thing out of it.
>>41017972Change it to>Crushed Dreams and Shooting Stars (v3.0) just to fuck with people
>>41010819They have no idea...
>>41017730>NerdyBut when you write "brilliant blue," it sounds like the blue is brilliant, not the pony. You wanted "brilliant and blue.">worn with knowledgeI can't stop you from writing this, but I think it sounds like a mistake.>the Council didn't even consider Astrospark's research to be groundbreaking and saw it as a usual presentationThey start to leave without saying anything to him. It seems rude: "We made up our minds but you don't get to know our opinion." Maybe that's how the Committee works, but it seems weird; how will Astrospark know whether he can go exploring if they don't tell him? And the reader is left in the dark as to why; they don't learn that they thought of his presentation as "usual." If you want the reader to learn what they're thinking, you either have to shift the point-of-view from Astrospark to the Committee and show them saying to each other, "it's the usual," (and Astrospark may not get to learn their reasoning) or you have to have them explain their thinking to him (in which case he does).>explaining the Committee laterI agree that you should not infodump. But what's stopping Astrospark from exploring on his own? Why can't he just go and do it? It seems like he more-or-less does at the end of chapter 2. Put a different way: You are telling us that the Committee is important, not showing us. We only know that they're important because you say so. On the other hand, if Astrospark went to the store and asked to buy a sleeping bag but was told, "No, explorers only," then you'd be showing that the Committee is important.>a comedic scene where a character gets hit with an objectIf you want the impact to be slapstick comedy, you need a more comedic build-up. You're in the middle of a dramatic scene, so if he gets hit with something it still feels dramatic.>do you really want to apply real-life physicsNot always. But this felt like a serious scene where physics might actually apply.>when he got the opportunity his true self appearedReally? Because you haven't shown him with any doubt until now, it feels out-of-character. (Yes, OOC even though it's only Chapter 2.) He's being offered the thing he wants most in life, the thing which he's been working hard on, which he just threw a fit about not getting. And now we learn that he's had doubts all along? Nope, doesn't work.>>something hard and difficult and unexpected, and for what?>didn't understandImagine I tell you, "You're going on a quest." You ask, "Why?" I say, "Because I say so." And you go, "Huh?" but then, inexplicably, you feel the weight of the task settling on your shoulders as you prepare to risk your life for... no good reason, it seems. You don't explain why Astrospark is willing to cooperate with the Oracle. Why does he go on the quest? Why not do his own thing?>edit already published chaptersPeople do it all the time.>>41017972>v2.0Don't bother.
>>41017766>picI see we had the same idea.>I'm not very impressed by this fic, to put it mildly.Same, as you could probably tell.>the atmosphere of horror is simply not here for meIt's far more thriller than horror, but I don't know how much of that is deliberate and how much is an issue with the fic.>None of the deaths had any depth, it's just "oops she's dead"This was a real issue, yeah. One of them is only barely hinted at, one we're just told, and only the third one has something to it. Even then, it cuts away too soon.>going with a human as your mythological monsterI think the fic is riffing on a very specific Krastos design (you can find it if you search online), right down to the sickle and chopped off tails and red eyes in the dark face. I'm not sure that was a good choice in the first place. I think this wanted to play off of the fandom itself, but it's just too mediocre a fic to have any staying power.>The best thing I can say about it is that it's shortThe best thing I can say is that it does scenes where multiple characters talk over each other very well.>tulpasI'm more of a hypnosis guy myself, but I see the appeal.>I half-hopedI dreaded it, to be honest.>>41017846>I made an in-depth review of this story some time agThat blog's existence is why this was on the list at all.>how detached I feltSame.>the skeleton of a splendid spooky story in this ficA skeleton is the best description of this story. Maybe the real horror was there all along.>HorseVoice wanted to make a Krastos story for a long, looong timeThat does put things into perspective, but I agree with you that it would have been much better if he had taken his time writing this. It's a real shame.
>>41018098>Don't bother.Sorry, that was unclear. I meant, "Don't bother labeling it as v2.0," not "Don't bother revising." Of course you should revise as necessary.
>>41018096Wasps are just an allegory for changelings.
>>41018109>it would have been much better if he had taken his time writing thisHV had already "missed the mark" by, what, four years? He may as well taken a few months to further polish it and turn it into a fully fleshed out fic.Maybe it wasn't meant to be.Oh, to live in the timeline where Krastos got a novel length fic that's super tense and spooky. And The Archetypist was properly tagged.Oh, well.Preemptive vote for "Glitched Stitches", just to have something completely different to read.
>>41018246
>>41017738>I think what's wrong with this fic is the pacing.Possibly? I don't have much to say, other than what was already mentioned. I don't think the issue is with the tags/rating. The Writing on the Wall has no red tags and no explicit horror monsters, and manages to be ten times the fic this is. As much as I don't like saying "this sucks because X is better", it's a valid point when both fics are written by the same author. Or, indeed, Biblical Monsters. The finale of that fic when Twilight is about to get murdered was genuinely chilling, and this fic is pretty much the very opposite of that. But I'm rambling again. >>41017846>how detached I felt from the events in the storyYeah, this was my main problem with the fic, too. Good to know it's not just me 'reading it wrong'. Definitely agreed with the scenes feeling so isolated, too.>I always go back to this snippedI don't know if I like it. It feels a bit too meta to hear it coming from the CMCs, and also unusually bitter. Like, it's more of Horse Voice's commentary about the story itself than an actual part of said story.>>41018109>Krastos designOh, I see it now. I still don't recall anything about the character, but he seems to have had at least some agreed upon traits. The shears are also in several pieces of fan art. Even then, it's so odd to post a story so closely referencing a completely forgotten 2011 headcanon in 2016.>scenes where multiple characters talk over eachRight, right. Those were pretty good.
>>41018098>But when you write "brilliant blue," it sounds like the blue is brilliant, not the pony. You wanted "brilliant and blue."fair point>I can't stop you from writing this, but I think it sounds like a mistake.and i appreciate your advice, i really do> you either have to shift the point-of-view from Astrospark to the Committee and show them saying to each other, "it's the usual," (and Astrospark may not get to learn their reasoning) or you have to have them explain their thinking to him (in which case he does).interesting idea i will explore it>If you want the impact to be slapstick comedy, you need a more comedic build-up. You're in the middle of a dramatic scene, so if he gets hit with something it still feels dramatic.Touche my friend>He's being offered the thing he wants most in life, the thing that he's been working hard on, which he just threw a fit about not getting. And now we learn that he's had doubts all along? Nope, doesn't work.what I'm trying to do is to show that Astrospark doesn't know what he wants and blames his incapability to be an explorer on the Committee,i wanted to show that Astrospark isn't capable of accepting his flaws and wants to feel like it wasn't his fault that he didn't become an explorerand don't worry i will rewrite the whole two chapters so I will focus more on the points that i wanted to show.>Imagine I tell you, "You're going on a quest." You ask, "Why?" I say, "Because I say so." And you go, "Huh?" but then, inexplicably, you feel the weight of the task settling on your shoulders as you prepare to risk your life for... no good reason, it seems. You don't explain why Astrospark is willing to cooperate with the Oracle. Why does he go on the quest? Why not do his own thing?do you suggest a little more questioning and arguing between Oracle and Astrospark?i think my biggest flaw is that I like to grab readers' attention so i kinda rush in my writing and try to reach the plot point that I think it will grab the readers' attention (the Oracle at the end of chapter 2 for example) and to make chapters shorter so people won't get bored now i realized that well it's okay to make longer chapter and to make the pace a little slower.but don't i will rewrite the chapters and republish them and I hope y'all enjoy them!
Any of you guys ever read Dropbear's stuff on Fimfic? He was a major bug fag and wrote mostly overpowered bullshit arrives in equestria and fucks shit up, but his characters were pretty entertaining. Cheesecake and Changelings is his best imo and is also one of the few he actually finished.
>>41018284>changelings just switched from being wasps to bees
>>41018252>HV had already "missed the mark" by, what, four years? He may as well taken a few months to further polish it and turn it into a fully fleshed out fic.This.>And The Archetypist was properly tagged.It wouldn't solve the issues the fic has, but it would do something. By the way, Numbers has no idea how to get the original one either.>Glitched StitchesNice.>>41018364>I don't think the issue is with the tags/ratingMe neither.>I still don't recall anything about the characterI'm not going to get a better chance to explain the anchor pic, so basically: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiVziYIIwdAGuilty Gear lore is actually good by the way.
>>41018414 no they switched from being bees to being beatles. in a fuckijng desert with no vegetation.
>>41018364>Like, it's more of Horse Voice's commentary about the story itself than an actual part of said story.Definitely. Too lampshady, or whatever that's called. It does offer a direct insight into Horse Voice's mindset. Makes me feel bad, but also motivates me to never rush a fic to the door.>>41018446>It wouldn't solve the issues the fic has, but it would do something.I think that if you were to go into Archie fully knowing it's a tragedy--not knowing that it should have a tragedy tag--, you'd be in a mindset where it would be easier to accept some of the otherwise questionable decisions.>By the way, Numbers has no idea how to get the original one either.I guess I'll have to find a way to extract it from my memory like in that Robin Williams movie.
>>41018096Poetry.
>>41018096Ok what is this in reference to?
>>41018873Reviewfilly's fic which made us speedrun threads like never before, by arguing about what the ethical way to deal with their species would be.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/514275/civilized-species
>>41018884I think his fic came afterwards.
>>41018893Guess you're right.https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/38391022/#38391076Can't believe we spent 4 whole threads arguing about this.
>>41018377>Astrospark doesn't know what he wantsThis is a fine idea. People are unsure of themselves all of the time, so why not ponies? However, Astrospark looks very sure of himself in Chapter 1. You need to portray some self-doubt or reluctance for this to work. Even boredom or frustration with preparing for the presentation would work. Another way to emphasize this is to give him some external motivation for trying to be an explorer. Maybe he only cares about being an explorer to impress a mare, or to carry on a family tradition, or something like that; that gives him a reason to act like he wants to be an explorer in public, while privately he can be unsure.>more questioning and arguing between Oracle and AstrosparkSort of. That's one way to handle it, but not the only way. There are lots of good reasons why Astrospark might go on a quest. Maybe he's trying to rescue his family or keep them safe (perhaps the bad guy has captured them and demanded his cooperation). Maybe his marefriend or family were murdered and he wants revenge. He might be running for his life (his home was razed by invaders and now he's a refugee). He might feel obligated to repay someone (they saved his life, and his sense of honor compels him to join their quest). He might be greedy and expect to get rich by looting. He might be trying to impress a mare (a romance subplot). Or trying to rescue a mare ("saving the princess," another romantic subplot). Or maybe he's just trying to get head from the princess. There are lots of reasons why he might go on a quest. Right now he seems to have zero reasons. He needs at least one. (And it's better to give him exactly one well-developed reason than a hodgepodge of poorly-developed reasons.)>I like to grab readers' attention so i kinda rush in my writing and try to reach the plot pointPlots do not make stories. This is very important: PLOTS DO NOT MAKE STORIES. A plot is a sequence of events. A story has characters. A plot with no characterization is boring. (Characterization without plot is also boring.) It doesn't matter how good your plot is; if you want to write a compelling story, you need us to care about the characters. It doesn't matter why we care; we might think, "I want to see him defeat the bad guy," or "I fucking hate him and want him to get rekt," or "I want to see them get married," or even, "I want the princess to give him really good head." As long as you make us want to know what happens to the characters, we will want to keep reading. The moment we stop caring about the characters, we stop caring about your story.
>>41018787Cute!
>>41018884>>41018914>spent four threads arguing about ethicsNo wonder it went on for so long, nobody on this board knows anything about ethics. So there just kept being more retarded shit to fling at and be flung.
>>41019198Argument ended the moment >Their existence is incompatible with yours.was posted, anything following that was trolling.
>>41019214Shit headcanon.
>>41019198>No wonder it went on for so long, nobody on this board knows anything about ethicsDo you think ethics is a science that can objectively settle on facts? Some people are just retarded, and nu4chan users aren't exactly the most ethical.
>>41019243>>41019198Ethics is powerless before this wojak cartoon of me as a cool, strong chad and you as a weak, ugly loser
>>41019242Shit for brains.
>>41019250This but entirely unironically. Ethics trembles in the face of aesthetics.
>/g4VpEg4f still seething about WASPsjust what I'd expect from a thread teeming with eastern "europeans"
Slice of life slice-of-life "slice of life" sliceoflife #slice-of-lifeNothing can beat slice of life
I like smaller adventure stories. But they're so rare. Like the main six go to a mountain to find a magic doohickey to fix a thing.
>>41019404Slice of bread is so much more delicious.
>>41019428Bread is made from wheat.Wheat is alive.
>>41019404>Slice of life slice-of-life "slice of life" sliceoflife #slice-of-lifeScrew slice of life stories where are my slice of death stories at? I want to read about cute skelemares doing cute things god damn it!Ghost of a Chance is not enough and is more of a death adventure story anyway.
>watching tv show>half the cast disappears between seasons>they're never mentioned againAt least fics don't do this shit.>>41013689>kicking off the Industrial Revolution in EquestriaProblem is, Equestria already had one. A pseudo-Chrysler Building appears in S1, then there's the hydro dam in S2, the steam train in S1, etc. People forget Ponyville's a backwater dirt town.>Not to mention it conflicts with the showAnd not just late show, either. They've been canon since S2 and flash bulbs since S1.>story is a whole lot about nothingSounds like a "Night Guard special forces" fic to me. Usually those have some kind of thriller conspiracy angle to them, though, so that might be why it's all just a cloth doll.>>41015162>goes on a long and dangerous journeyWhy? In Age of Wings and Steel, it's because the griffons have invaded and there's a ticking clock before they sack Canterlot. Why the character's doing what they're doing is also a good hook to tell the reader why they should read it.>>41016969https://equestriadaily.wordpress.com/2011/02/25/story-cupcakes/Seth's a faggot.>>41017766>this is a newer storyAnon...
>>41019507>half the cast disappears between seasonsWhat show did that?
>>41019423I think no one writes them because no one reads them anymore. You want exposure? Write AiE. Simple as that. Sadly, most writers cave in.
>>41017738Thanks for delaying WOSS. Since CZ concludes today, I will join in next week.
>troll Fimfic>get called out in a PM>stay in-character even thenLove to see it
>>41019507>>this is a newer story>Anon...It sounds a bit silly when you look at the dates without context, but it is true. Considering the growth of the fandom and the various stages it (and the show) went through, I do think 2016 fics are "newer stories". By late 2016 most of the show and the fandom has already happened. We were already in 'late fandom' stage, not all that unlike what we have now. But if you'd prefer numbers, here is something more relevant than a calendar:Krastos the Glue Maker was a mid-2011 meme, more than half a year before /mlp/ was created. Meanwhile Horse Voice's fic about him was made when /mlp/ was already at 28 million posts, 70% of the number we're at now.
>>41015415What if i write a story that pretends season 1 is the only season we ever received? Then I continue it on into a 'what if?' future scenario where things are different, like a post-apocalypse? Under this mindset it doesn't contradict anything because s2 and beyond didnt exist yet.
>>41019951>a 'what if?' future scenarioThat's called a "fanfic".No, that's not an AU. At least, it doesn't need the tag.
>>41019951This is something that gets brought up every couple months because intuitively it sounds like an AU. However, by Fimfic's tag rules, branching off from the show at any point does NOT constitute an AU.
>>41018914>>41019198>preventing people from being murdered is genocideFucking hell.
>>41019960Committing genocide is committing genocide, by definition. The question is whether or not it's justified. Murder in self defence doesn't stop being murder just because it's legal. Words have meaning, anon.
>>41019972Are humans responsible for the extinction of every single species that has gone extinct because we didn't save them?Ponies are doing nothing. It cannot be genocide
>>41019972>Murder in self defence doesn't stop being murder just because it's legal. Words have meaning, anon.>murder /mûr′dər/>noun>The killing of another person without justification or excuse>Murder>Murder is the unlawful killing of another human without justification or valid excuse
>>41019979Fine, then, homicide. >>41019976But the ponies are poisoning the water supply.
>>41019979>without justification or excuse
>>41019984Against the things that reproduce through torture and murder? That's just step one.
>>41019987Your point?
>>41019991What if we feed them the mentally deceased?
>>41017738>club reading WOSSWell, that's gonna keep me mildly on edge for most of the week. Really hope you guys enjoy the read.
>>41019935>By late 2016... /mlp/ was already at 28 million posts, 70% of the number we're at now.Holy shit, never did the maths myself, but damn. If it was that bad back then, now we truly ARE dead as a fandom.
>>41019960>Genocide is the intentional destruction of a people in whole or in part.Ignoring how the word was coined by the third-closest IRL equivalent to wasp-ponies, yes, getting rid of a whole (hostile and murderous sentient) species is in fact genocide by definition.>>41019976We are responsible for the extinction of species that went extinct because of our actions. Whether dodos and true penguins and the rest of the tasty birds (eaten) or all the species that died out because we destroyed their habitat.We are not responsible for extinctions that happened without our involvement.>>41020003There's not enough mentally deceased to sustain their population, and intentionally making more just puts you back at square one of "reproduction through destruction".
>>41020005Well, it better be good! 105k words is a big opportunity cost
>>41020008You are not taking action with the purpose of getting rid of them. That is why it is not genocide. You are doing nothing more than continuing to do what you had already been doing before coming into contact with them. The fact that they will be unable to reproduce without you changing what you're doing does not constitute genocide. If a man jumps in front of a train the driver of the train has not murdered him. If you remove the train driver from the scenario then the man would still die. Likewise, if you remove the ponies from the scenario then the wasps would still die. Therefore, it cannot be genocide.What would be genocide would be if the ponies decided they didn't want to take the risk with the wasps and set about actively hunting down and killing them.
>>41020003Then we're aggravating the problem, instead of solving it.
>>41020012That's exactly why I'm nervous lmaoI wouldn't mind scalding critique, but I'd feel pretty bad if I felt like I wasted the club's time like I did with some of my nominationsCaptcha: TARD
>>41020025It's okay anon. We're on 4chan - we are all wasting our time.
>>41020006Grab a stick and keep beating the horse. The ride never ends Anon.
>>41020049Can I beat Rarity?
>>41020064Kinky.
>>41020006Size doesn't matter so much as passion and engagement. I have seen smaller fandoms that had less of an impact on the world create more notable works. Our current issue is a lack of people who sincerely care and engage with or give feedback to things, I figure. We need more things to circulate in fandom discussion again, be it notable contributors, memes, or great works of art. If a monumental piece of pony literature emerges, and then dies in the mud with 247 upvotes and 11 downvotes and zero fanfare, what hope is there really?
>>41020069Are we really measuring our accomplishments through upvotes? I thought that was only for reddit-like pseudo-communities. Fuck this gay earth.
>>41020006No, it's not bad at all. The fact that we've gone eight years since then and we're still doing more or less fine proves that we're stable. October 2016 was already after the site (and the fandom) slowed down so much, hence "only" 13 million posts being made in the next 8 years. The other anon has a point that there's less of the volatile excitement and passion that propelled pony fandom back in 2011/2012, but it's nothing surprising; this will happen to anything going for a long while. The fact that G5 came and went without really making a dent in the fandom either way is a good sign -- we're self-sufficient, or at least close to it.And sure, the numbers aren't what they used to be, back when normie bronies were everywhere, but that's at best a secondary issue. It doesn't matter as long as the fandom exists and keeps the ride going.
>>41020069>with 247 upvotes and 11 downvotesNow, that's an oddly specific number. Care to shill clearly,, anon?
>>41019960>literally just making shit up in your head to be mad at.
>>41020081Yeah I agree i'm the doomsaying anon. That all being said I am genuinely curious what the fandom will look like in 5-10 years of this... 'lull in notability'. More secondaries dying off, things stabilizing more, maybe some more new stuff can sprout up who knows.
>>41020087Oh no haha. I just tend to see the absolute peak limit stories reach in the past 1-3 years hover somewhere around 200-600 likes. The only thing that breaks that barrier are things like 'human in equestria but as a pony' going up to the 1000 mark. There are actually 2 or 3 of those floating around if I recall. It's a shame we will never see something capable of ascending much higher. Yeah, upvotes don't matter and number-chasing is cringe, but in terms of comparison between then and now, a vague quantifier of attention/ awareness being 5-10% of what it used to be is pretty depressing.
Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria,>/FSBC/By now it should be obvious that I'm a bit higher on this fic than most (albeit not outrageously so, I hope), and perhaps the same needs to be said now, because all in all, I did really like this fic. I do hope to reread it some day. Though it has its problems and some *creative choices*, they're not nearly severe enough to kill the fic for me, and it manages to do a lot of things I love in fics. Sure, the main theme is so heavy that it would feel really preachy if it was pretty much anything else, but it's not, and so it doesn't. I'm glad I trusted that the ending wouldn't suck; now I get to feel good for being right.The finale has been kind of weird because like 80% of it is good, and then you have 20% that's really not. I cannot tell why this happens. Most of the action is quite good; even Cold finally gets some nice scenes. Hell, the one part that's actually in space is a great example of that. And if this week's part was just that + the epilogue, then I'd love it. But unfortunately, we also get some alien-reading conversations and a couple shots where I had no idea what is happening. At this point, I was invested enough in the story that I didn't care that much, but it's still something that leaves a bad aftertaste. Some bits seem out of place, for example, when the cyborgs are introduced as random mercs (despite Foki's legs having been established earlier as a Big Deal to anypony who sees them). Or Cold befriending Cascade on the battlefield, which is supposed to tie into the theme but comes off kind of weird in that scene. And the weirdly phrased sentences/paragraphs, as well as the unusual (wrong) past participles, are unfortunately still there.But now that I got it out of the way, I'll repeat that I liked it a lot more than I didn't. I liked this week's chapters more than the last week's; I'm glad the fic didn't fumble the ending. Even Cold saving the day was executed far better than I feared it could be; it does really feel like a team effort instead of space Jesus's destiny single-hoofedly stopping the war. This is way more of Fokienia's story, though, and the extended epilogue fits so well here. It reminded me a lot of the ending of Cartography of War, and that's a great story to be compared to. Maybe Celestia and Luna could've blogposted 50% less in it without losing anything of substance, but I still enjoyed how they were portrayed here and how they fit into the story. And I saved the most insignificant point for last, but I wouldn't be myself if I didn't mention it: the fact that the only princesses ever mentioned are C&L and that Twi is only ever referred to as a unicorn gives the fic an automatic +1 from me. In 2023, no less! Sure, maybe it's just a happy coincidence, but it's still, dare I say it, based.Next week, we're reading Moon and Stars:https://www.fimfiction.net/story/496343/moon-and-starsUp to and including chapter 6 this week, and the rest on week 2.
>>41020163>cold gets out of prison and immediately just starts bossing everypony aroundWow. Nice agent of peace you got here>specialist just wants to run her ideas by coldOf course, why wouldn't she>that's my gfLmao, just say they're friendlies you fucking idiot.>im gonna stop violence and talk to my mare. You can't stop me.Hate this lad>random weird monologue in the control room>but so long as I stand here, I expect you to heed my words.Wtf? The worst part about this is that they of course will for no reason. If a kirin flew up to Luna's armada and asked her go home and be peaceful, would she listen? L M FUCKING A O>"Her magic unclasped Cascade's heart.">cold admits he's just a shitter born into the body of a revered beingFucking lmao "I knew you were more than you seemed." That's exactly what he seemed like >"I have seen that side. Like those moments. To be good at what you seek is its own kind of terribleness."Wait what? Cold knows what it's like to live a life of fighting and subterfuge?>wow babe, you always make all the colts gayI really can't say this enough, I literally hate every part of this scene in the command room.>not just because of your tribeBut it isFoki seeing space from the camera and desperately wanting more was a nice touch, only slightly ruined by these stupid fucking retards not knowing you already have to be in a space suit to fly the fighters, thus the hangar being a void not mattering in the slightest. There's even an airlock in front of it like it's supposed to be that way.>Suddenly cold is just making out with Holly with mares hanging off him and a room full of officers admiring how he's a Top Gun ace who can fly better than a pegasusThis fucking command room. The gas chamber really turned this guy into a black and red oc that lives up the the description of war machine. With the added bonus that foki has been called a peace maker and specifically called 'not a war machine'>Elite Dangerous references turned up to 100%>there were likely a lot of ponies watching his piloting in action.wtf Truly a Searing Cold: War Machine moment>he had been loathe to even share it with Ripshot in the moment (his skill)That's why he turned off flight assist in the parking lot like a nigger right?>ircm against lasersWtf pretty sure its supposed to be chaff that fucks with targeting, if ircm disrupted laser fire, then the laser fire itself would probably disrupt laser fire>"I flared! I've never actually flared!"??????
>>41020168You know what though? The ending was actually pretty kino, and I didn't expect that at all. The scene with Foki running into the super grove, me being wrong about Foki being C2, because she is C0... Cypress Zero... Kino... Armada shows up with Rainbow warp drives and Foki gets to meet Luna like 2 scenes after asking "Who's Luna?" kino>>>>>>>>>A kirin literally does change a princess' mindJesus christ i hate the kirin in this fic>a pony as pure as the kirin before usWtf i hate this faggot so much. Foki is 10x more pure than this han solo mother fucker will ever be>>>>>3 peacemakersI'd argue 1 considering Luna just said she was the Horn tip of Equestria's might or something and Cold is a faggot who spends most of the story surprising everyone by being a kirin who fights (they aren't supposed to do that)>Tantabus is Luna's flagshipkinda neat>Wow a joke! You really are as cool as my informants say you are.Cold should've been a pony. There shouldn't have been any kirins in the fic. The fact that the kirins are peacemakers implies that the ponies aren't. Its like a holy race that can do no evil. Its trash. Shouldve just been a pony with the exact same setup (but a mare obviously) And then foki could still have imprinted on a harmonious pony who helps her out and the fic would play out the same but better.>>>>>>me at 98%>>>>>Cold didn't show up to the last chapter "Fantastic, let's end on a high note">>>>2 more chapters>Cold is in the very last onekek, trolled again by e-reader>>>>>synthetic bottled sunlightThe Celestia chapter was a bit much, I think the story would've finished stronger ending at "The Skies Forever Blue", which is a kino chapter title to end on, but it wasn't bad. But then we get the next chapter and I really wished it had ended there. The only good line from the final chapter was Foki waving goodbye to EquestriaI think... it did get better at the end, but Cold never paid off and I only disliked him more by the end since he was just acting like Master Chief or some shit telling everyone what to do and being the best at everything. All of the Foki scenes were fantastic though, bar maybe the parts with Cold, but I loved her interacting with other ponies. >Gold ActualUtterly garbage name, I had to re-read his intro like 4 times because the fucking governor flips his names for some fucking reason so I couldn't even tell what was happening. The fic highlights are absolutely the Foki scenes, and especially the comfy ones, like the bath, and all of the scenes where she sees space. The ending grove was particularly good with this. It surprised me by actually feeling uplifting in a way with Foki just running to freedom. I also liked her seeing the stars in Luna's mane. very nice. Would I re-read this? absolutely not, I'd see the cover image and kek
>>41020163For once I'm on time. Mixed thoughts this week, and on the fic as a whole. Firstly, holy shit, this definitely should be tagged T. No way the lobotomised ponies count as E, even if they can be saved. Related to that, the dialogue in this week's first chapter feels really corny and childish. I don't think I have a better way to describe it besides that. Childish is how I'd describe a lot of the stuff this fic does, and that's a shame, because FiM itself isn't something I'd describe that way. Here there are attempts at having a more serious plot hampered by a will to 'keep it pony' that is just not executed well upon. Cold's lies also feel pretty meh. After that, though, and after some details I'm sure I forgot, we get the best (and longest) chapter in the fic. Would you look at that. The Space Kirin actually gets to do space stuff and it's pretty great. I don't have much to say beyond how much I enjoyed that whole chapter.Then we're back to the real protagonist and things take a bit of a nosedive. The awkward writing is back, too. The twist with Graham being Foki's father isn't entirely out of nowhere, but it's also not really foreshadowed in a way that feels satisfying to me. More than that, it has little to no impact to me. Also, I see I was correct about Foki and Sequoia being just friend and more of an adoptive family. At least Luna arrives to save the day. I guess Foki being Cypress Zero is an alright thing to have happen, that one was neat. Foki is also weirdly horny this week, for both Cold and Luna.The Celestia chapters are wholly unnecessary and I feel like the fic is worse off for having them. I do like the very last bit, with Foki and Cold waving at Equestria, but the rest? Foki being the super special OC that gets to meet and befriend Celestia? That's out of nowhere and unneeded, and there's no reason or justification for it besides the author wanting Celestia into the fic. A shame the fic takes a nosedive at the end like that. Poor Cold and Luna being btfo by Foki, too. The SBS did make me snort, not necessarily in a good way, but it is what it is and it's not necessarily bad.I also read For the Star Swan. It is much better than CZ. It does what CZ tries to do, that being convey ponyness in a sci-fi shell, but much better than CZ ever manages to. Gone is all the awkward prose, and all the childish bits of writing. It really feels like CZ was a formative work for the writer. Everything I've read of Sarge's that's more recent has been much better than CZ, so at least there's that. You should read Star Swan too, though I feel unlike what the author claims it is strong in spite of CZ and not because of it. It was a bit worrying to see how much Sarge seems to care about CZ in that closing blog, so I hope it won't be an issue if I go out on it saying how much I think it's an ultimately flawed and amateurish fic, with only a few highs, many awkward issues and choices, and overall not worth recommending. Prequel's good though.
>>41020163>I can break those cuffsThis last third was by far the most hectic. Obviously, as we reached the climax. Many things have been answered, at least partially, but even here at the end, some new things were introduced, which I'm not sure if improved the story. It made chapters 15-17 a bit cluttered, where we get dumped a whole lotta information on us.Finally, Cold got his big moment, sort of, the starfighter scene must have counted as that. But even before his plan of calling for Equestrian help, he was more of a badass than ever in the control room. It was nice to see him being the center of the scene he was in for once.As for the starfighter combat, I was confused by if their weapons are just big disablers, or actually lethal. The tension that built up made me think the latter, but it was never confirmed to me.Not sure what I think of the "Graham is Foki's father" revelation. It came very much at the end of the fic, and went nowhere then. Thinking about it, the clinic "arc" also got hanging, and Foki's growing connection to nature was also left open. But at least we know Foki IS Cypress Zero, and actually the title character. And as such, it's justified that throughout the fic, she always felt more of a protagonist than Cold.As this turned out to be an ensemble cast fic, some might feel not everyone got a proper closure to their character arcs, but I think enough was implied to imagine the rest. Maybe Sequoia could have gotten a bit more attention, considering his relationship with Foki.It was a bit weird that after the literal deus ex machina resolution, the fic still went on for a while. Not that I minded it though, as these final chapters were pretty comfy. We got some great scenes with the princesses (I told ya they were still around on week 1, ha!), I liked their dialogue and characterization. This also firmly ties the fic into FiM, and makes it feel less of an AU, overall. It irks me a bit that Foki got a bit of an undue Mary Sue treatment here at the very end. Sure, she completely redeemed herself, and helped solve the conflict, but still, the way the princesses treated her felt a bit too much.But that didn't really sully the ending for me, as ultimately, I like nice, peaceful, heartfelt endings. And it definitely felt like the protags earned their happy endings.Overall: I liked this fic. It was good. It went down from "pretty good" to just good, but it was still time well spent. I can say the highlights here were definitely the cute "pony" moments, and Foki herself. She was always so endearing when she was oblivious about something, but really, she almost didn't have a scene where she wasn't entertaining. Yes, the biggest strength of this fic was that it showcased characters who were definitely pony even despite the very AU setting.Good show Sarge, well done. Here's hoping the other "thread author fics", if we'll read anymore, will be at least this entertaining.
>>41020163>imagine reading the fic two days prior the deadline, only to still be caught with your pants down because of bad planningCouldn't be me. Apologies if this might read kinda rushed.Anyway, for me 'CZ' snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. I was actively souring as I've read the final few chapters, the action felt too hectic, but not because of what was happening, more because (despite my best attempts) I just couldn't follow the prose. While Foki seeing space for the first time and Cold saving the day were both great scenes in isolation, there were also a few speeches that really didn't win me. And the final standoff just felt "eh" to me. Especially after reading the author's blog, I understand what's going on. Foki's learning a final lesson, so to speak, seeing how even the "evil" ponies restrain themselves and talk things out. Sweet on paper, but to me it felt a little awkward.Then, the moment Luna's fleet arrived (more or less literally, I really like the imagery of the ships warping in) things just turned for the better.I really like the epilogue chapters. Luna and Celestia feel very old in this fic and that's great! They're still clearly themselves, but even more mature than we might be used to from the show. It's a subtle thing, but I really liked it. Celestia having regrets and feeling the worst aspects of isolation plays nicely into the overall message of connecting with others and achieving positive things as a team. I think these chapters that largely eschew the sci-fi parts and focus only on the characters fit and highlight the author's skills the most. Which might be a bit unfortunate considering this is a sci-fi fic, but I still largely mean it as praise. Overall I'd say this is a 6/10 fic for me. I didn't really enjoy it nearly as much as I was hoping I would, however, the ending still managed to put a smile on my face and I cannot ignore that. Robohorse is a cute, Cold is alright, and the intended message is based.But also>>Synthetic Bottled Sunlight
>>41020163>The finale has been kind of weird because like 80% of it is good, and then you have 20% that's really not.>Hell, the one part that's actually in space is a great example of that. And if this week's part was just that + the epilogue, then I'd love it.lmao, those are the parts I could've done without, well the space part had to happen, but it didn't happen good in my opinion and while I don't think the epilogue is bad, I don't think it did much that Luna didn't>when the cyborgsThey look just like normal ponies until she uses electronics-vision on them and sees their brain HDDs>I'll repeat that I liked it a lot more than I didn't. I liked this week's chapters more than the last week's; I'm glad the fic didn't fumble the endingYeah, I'll agree with this. I'm glad that I finished it and it was worth it getting through the earlier weirdness. But Cold should've died in space.>Maybe Celestia and Luna could've blogposted 50% less in it without losing anything of substanceAgreed, I think it was mostly Tia that could've toned it down, but I think part of that is when they do it, Tia's could've been longer if Luna's was shorter, but Luna's was in the more ideal place. Happening at Cypress right after the fact while the readers were still in the climax afterglow, Tia just gets another chapter after a timeskip so it's not as impactful. They did have a good portrayal though.>Twilight develops the sparkle drive during her normal lifetime>The show is literally decades away from inter-system space travel>>41020173>Firstly, holy shit, this definitely should be tagged T.kek, yeah. We even have potential space warcrimes (disabling a ship's reactor and then flying up and shooting the cockpit out) although of course like everything else, it was just a 'riot' warcrime I guess and they all survived.>Cold's lies also feel pretty meh.I forgot about that kek, 'get ready readers, I'm about to... LIE!'>The twist with Graham being Foki's father isn't entirely out of nowhere, but it's also not really foreshadowed in a way that feels satisfying to meYeah, I don't even have anything to say about this. It's just there>Foki is also weirdly horny this week, for both Cold and Luna.One of those is alright>The Celestia chapters are wholly unnecessaryYes, thank you. Should've ended after Luna saying Celestia wants Foki to visit Equestria
>>41020163>the cyborgs are introduced as random mercsMagic lobotomies in my E-rated fiction? It's more likely than you'd think!>Or Cold befriending Cascade on the battlefieldCascade's entire character felt largely pointless to me. I guess his point was to show that even seemingly irredeemable cunts might actually just be in bad situations and could be better, but I was honestly more confused by his inclusion than if he was absent.>Maybe Celestia and Luna could've blogposted 50% lessPersonally I enjoyed these parts the most. Evidently these scenes are vehicles for the author to portray his philosophy, but for those they were excellent.>>41020171>C0... Cypress Zero... KinoI really enjoyed this reveal. It's the sort of thing that should be obvious in hindsight, but that just makes it all the better.>>41020173>More than that, it has little to no impact to meSame and that's a shame. My entire reaction was an "oh, alright.">>41020174>It went down from "pretty good" to just goodFunny, for me it went from "I'm at best neutral about this" to "at the end of the day, it was worth it".
>>41020168>>41020171I get where you're coming from, but I think you're being too harsh on Cold. Yeah, it's a bit weird that everypony seems to have a predisposition towards trusting him, but in the control room, he was the one with the most amount of experience regarding space, so that's why they went with his plan without much questioning
>>41020174>Cold got his big moment, sort of, the starfighter scene must have counted as that. But even before his plan of calling for Equestrian help, he was more of a badass than ever in the control room. It was nice to see him being the center of the scene he was in for once.This dude's been sucking the life out of every scene he's in for the whole fic, but alright. I agree all pretense of hiding this was completely gone though when the 30+ ponies in the control room thought he was the new princess of Cypress Station>I was confused by if their weapons are just big disablers, or actually lethal.lmao, Rated 'E' moment, just like all the other weapons/combat in the fic. Getting vented into space didn't even kill these lads>Thinking about it, the clinic "arc" also got hangingI noticed that too. We never hear about combat stims again lol>Foki's growing connection to natureYeah, never went anywhere but at the very least in the final grove scene she can feel that nature is scared or something>SequoiaShould've gone to Equestria with them, not to meet Tia, but he could've been in the ship. The only thing the guy has left in life is Foki, and maybe Sundowner>I can say the highlights here were definitely the cute "pony" moments, and Foki herself.Absolutely, I loved "Who's Luna?" with Sundowner doing a doubletake. Which is also good for Sundowner potentially realizing just how fucked up this filly's life is because of her.>>41020198>'CZ' snatched victory from the jaws of defeatkek, good way of putting it. I'm glad no one was super disappointed with the ending, which we were maybe all worried about in the earlier meetings>Robohorse is a cute, and the intended message is based.Good summary>>41020210>Cascade's entire character felt largely pointless to me. I guess his point was to show that even seemingly irredeemable cunts might actually just be in bad situations and could be better, but I was honestly more confused by his inclusion than if he was absent.I'd agree, particularly he shows up in the last scene and someone says he team-switched again, but I couldn't even tell what he was doing, or maybe what was even happening in some parts of that scene. But yeah, he didn't serve a purpose really. Aside from some casual racism with multiple ponies saying 'wow they look the same' to him and sundowner>I really enjoyed this reveal. It's the sort of thing that should be obvious in hindsight, but that just makes it all the better.Absolutely, 'C' meant nothing upon learning 'C1' and I just assumed 0 was an unused number, then it's revealed and it really was kinda obvious in hindsight.
>>41020223I get that, but them thinking he's some sort of ace fighter god when in reality he's a hyper-pacifist (not really) who just flew one in an asteroid field system or some shit while like half of the ponies in there do actually fly the planes also and also in non-combat environments is crazy. Also you'd think if a single one of them was a pegasus that they might have a better innate understanding of maneuvering in 3d space. And then the icing on the cake is someone who they literally just call "Specialist" for most of her screen time double checking her ideas with some random smuggler. Surely, surely Cold doesn't have intricate knowledge on how to send signals through locked down system beacons or whatever they were doing. And if he does then it's just more justification for me hating him. He started off just kind of annoying but by the control room, he was just a standard anime protag being the best at any subject that was brought up or that they had need of in the moment. Also made worse again by my previous gripes about kirins being some sort of divine race just because they got genocided which reads really weird.
>>41020069>247 upvotes and 11 downvotesFor anything that's not HiE, by an established author, or porn, that's wildly successful. I shilled my best fic as hard as I could, but it's stuck at 31 up and 2 down. Less than 300 people have ever opened it. In a way, I think part of the problem is actually that there's still quite a lot of activity—if a fic doesn't get featured, then it gets pushed off the front page pretty quickly.
>>41020257NTA, but that's the point.
The one time I was on time, I had to leave for an hour. Great.>>41020168>spending 4k+ chars to rant about ColdKek. I did expect exactly that, and I'm not disappointed. I think Cold is fine, and half of the control room scene is good. He's not some incredible character, but he mostly justifies his presence in the fic for me as a pacifist with a han solo backstory. It was pretty cool to see him do things he's experienced in, for once. You say that he should've died out there, and funnily enough, I was already prepared to be mad at him if his ideals got him killed there. Foki and Holly didn't deserve that. It was extremely unlikely to happen, especially in an E fic, but after lobotomized cyborgs I wasn't about to make that bet.>C0... Cypress Zero... Kino...I ran out of space, but yes, it was. Unlike Golden Graham being her father (which was a really 'whatever' reveal), that was great. And so was Luna.>>>>>>>>synthetic bottled sunlightI'll add a couple more green arrows there. Since the fic invited the comparison, I'll say that while SBS is the more memorable fic and that I left an updoot on it, I liked reading this one significantly more.>I think the story would've finished stronger ending at "The Skies Forever Blue",I think that'd be a perfectly valid way to finish the fic, yeah. I liked the Celestia chapters and I think they improve the ending for me, but I can definitely see why you'd want to end it before this mini-epilogue.>>Gold Actual>Utterly garbage name, I had to re-read his intro like 4 times because the fucking governor flips his names for some fucking reasonOh, I totally agree. This is what came to mind when I thought of the 20% being bad. Well, this, and some of Cold's dialogue earlier.>>41020173>this definitely should be tagged T.Yeah. The fic tries to go for an E, but it absolutely cannot stop itself from inserting at least one strictly T thing every week. I don't even know how you can make this part E.>the dialogue in this week's first chapter feels really corny and childishI can somewhat agree with that. I do not think it's as bad as this makes it seem, but -- since I liked Foki's part -- this dialogue is definitely the weakest part of this week's chapters.>Foki being the super special OC that gets to meet and befriend Celestia? Alright, that's pretty bad when you think about it for more than a minute. I was late again this week and only read the two chapters right before the club so I was still riding the "finishing the story" high; it really didn't feel wrong when I was reading.>For the Star SwanAnd here I thought I read everything on time for once.
>>41020268My point is that his numbers are wrong. If a monumental piece of pony literature emerges and gets 247 upvotes and 11 downvotes, then it's a wild success and has done better than you should ever expect.
>>41020100>https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/38391022/#38391385>They are not entitled to murdering people just so that they can reproduce. Because of that the only realistic option is for them to simply not reproduce and go extinct.>https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/38391022/#38391407>The genocide of a thinking feeling raceKill yourself, nigger.
>>41020210>I really enjoyed this reveal. It's the sort of thing that should be obvious in hindsightCall me autistic, but the one thing I really hoped to be explained was ”Cypress Zero". At first I thought it would be the name of some sort of protocol, but it being Foki herself makes perfect sense. So yeah, I was glad about that too.>>41020198>I just couldn't follow the prose.I think that was a problem in many places throughout the fic. As if the narrator didn't have enough "visual awareness", and mixed things up when describing actions and locations. By the end, I sorta got used to it, and just glanced over these parts, but this is a definite flaw.
>>41020257I have seen numerous exceptions to this, but even ignoring that I was speaking in broad terms of hie vs non-hie, not going as granular as to filter out 'is popular writer' vs 'is not popular writer' and so forth. >>41020280I'm not so certain what you mean. There are fics that reach 600~ upvotes and don't really have any lasting impact despite being longform or 'deeper' pieces because the fandom at large seems to let things slip through. If someone writes the greatest pony fic ever told, and the response to it isn't wide acclaim and feverish discussion, instead earning 200 upvotes (which is low-average for any modern successful fic) would you not consider that rather dire?
>>41020307200 upvotes and being forgotten and not added to any discussion*
>>41020270>Kek. I did expect exactly that, and I'm not disappointed.I'm glad I can live up to your expectations. I actually would've liked if he died out there, and for more than just him dying. I think him being violent and shooting the other ship would've in a sense justified him dying for violating his ideals. But also it would've been a death he would choose every time if it meant saving Cypress Station and all the ponies he cared about. And besides, Foki and Holly had each other. And Luna. >I think that'd be a perfectly valid way to finish the fic, yeah. I liked the Celestia chapters and I think they improve the ending for me, but I can definitely see why you'd want to end it before this mini-epilogue.It's definitely up to style or intent. I personally in this case think a sharper ending would've been nice, but the other chapters weren't bad in any way. And if the author had ideas and wanted those chapters then obviously put them in, It just really slowed down for those last 2 short chapters. SoL tier resolution and I think Luna could've said the same thing in many less words about needing new leaders for their exponentially expanding ponies.
>>41020174>>I can break those cuffsThank you for reminding me of how out of place some of the references in this fic are. I hate it. And especially just after praising the very nice references in Witch of Everfree.>It made chapters 15-17 a bit clutteredKind of, but not too much. The blackout limiting the scope to essentially just the control room helped keep things from derailing, and 15+16 are also the two longest chapters in the fic.>It was nice to see him being the center of the scene he was in for once.We've had to wait like 100k words for it, yeah. I still wish he got to do something last week, because as hard as the story tries to justify his main character status here, it's all very sudden. The fic hinted at it a lot, sure, but Cold becomes the badass on the spot unlike anything we've seen from him in weeks 1 and 2.>starfighter combatI think they're lethal. Cutting open the ships with lasers cannot be not lethal in most cases.>I liked their dialogue and characterization. This also firmly ties the fic into FiM, and makes it feel less of an AUDefinitely agree on all of that. Sure, it took making Foki a bit of a Mary Sue, but seeing Canterlot and the Sisters at the end was a very nice surprise, and the ending was very comfy. The waving at the very end was great. Again, perhaps you can argue it was unnecessary, but I cannot bring myself to say that I'd prefer the fic without it. I liked it. It's too early for me to tell with certainty, but I think I'd give this fic a 7/10. It doesn't reach into the "excellent" that 8/10 would imply, but it would be great if the average fic we read was at least as nice as this one.>>41020198>there were also a few speeches that really didn't win meYeah. Goddesses, this fic would've been so much better if the writing was just a little less unwieldy. It's evidently not far from it, but it's right at the level where the writing gets annoying or confusing a few times too many in a couple scenes.>I really like the epilogue chapters. Luna and Celestia feel very old in this fic and that's great!Finally someone with the right takes! I loved them here, too. Perhaps they shouldn't have been -- not with how Celestia is tacked on to the end of the fic -- but they were some of my favorite parts this week.>6/10Definitely a fair opinion. I'm a grade higher, but it's probably because the fic happened to appeal to me where it mattered.
>>41020163>I do hope to reread it some dayI don't.>the main themeWhat even is the main theme? Is it an obsession with ponyponypony that comes to the utter detriment of the story itself due to the author's lack of experience? I'll never understand it in the first place, especially not to this degree, but here it's not even done well. And it cheapens the narrative as a whole.>I'm glad I trusted that the ending wouldn't suckDepends on whether you mean the part where the story ends or the part where the wordcount ends. Though the actual final bit is good, I'll give it that.>when the cyborgs are introduced as random mercsThe story has a real consistency problem with whether or not her legs are a big deal. Cold spots them immediately and it's a huge moment in the early chapters, and they get her looks around the city, but then Holly doesn't even see them at first and here they're wholly ignored.>I liked it a lot more than I didn'tI think I'm more evenly split. It didn't do all that much to make my time with it worthwhile.>Twi is only ever referred to as a unicornShe had an unnaturally long lifespan. Significantly long, in fact. Make of that what you will.>Next weekI hope I'll make it, but no promises.>>41020168>picPretty kek moment, yeah.>The worst part about this is that they of course will for no reasonIt really feels like the kirin are a sort of sacred cow race in this setting, but the fic never properly establishes why and how. The same is true for a lot of other aspects. It's like there's this whole world the fic takes place in but we never get the proper info on it to understand why things are significant.>Wait what? Cold knows what it's like to live a life of fighting and subterfuge?This, too. We gets hints at what his past is like, but never a proper explanation for what the things we're told entail. It's all vague and pretty bad on that front.>you always make all the colts gayI would a kirin.>>41020171>>Gold ActualSpeaking of, what's up with the whole being or not being from Cypress? Again, a big deal is made out of it, but the story never bothers to explain why. Same with the whole deal about Cypress staying independent. Why should I care? I get that the author was trying to not get too telly, but after introducing a character designed for it (standard ignorant character that is Foki) it's weird that there's still so much stuff that's just told without an explanation and therefore doesn't have the proper impact.>>41020174>it's justified that throughout the fic, she always felt more of a protagonist than ColdWhich makes it a bad idea to open with a full chapter of Cold, have him on the cover, and have him be the recognisable focus of the descriptions.>Maybe Sequoia could have gotten a bit more attentionDefinitely.>I told ya they were still around on week 1I did too.>Here's hoping the other "thread author fics", if we'll read anymore, will be at least this entertainingBehemoth club when?
>>41020316>how out of place some of the references in this fic are. I hate it.I don't, but you're still right. And for that reason, they came off as (un)intentional comedy to me.And I forgot to say this, and it's a minor thing, but I really liked all the chapter titles. They were evocative, without revealing too much what would happen in the chapter. Or referred to a specific minor thing in the chapter, perhaps just metaphorically, and I went "ah, so that's it" when I caught it.
>>41020163So we left the chaos in the streets behind, and got an endgame. This is about the point where I ran out of patience for Cold, it was quite annoying to read about him guilt tripping the Concord ponies who had never wronged him in the first place, just because they were in front of him. The scene after the big reunion, where she tells him her cutie mark is telling her to go perforate some mercs while he tells her to walk the high road was rough.Before that, haha, oh man. The big reunion was the largest section in the story where nopony at any point in the entire scene seems to react with a reasonable emotion or action. The part where Cold delivers a spiel about never ever having checked his kirin privilege, followed by Cascade “omg u want 2 b frens?! *o*” was particularly crazy.The space chase was pretty good, although it took me until they jumped away to figure out why they were orbiting the station for so long. Then, Luna arriving with her armada in a rainbow explosion was decidedly kino.Luna’s whole dialogue was good. I wouldn’t say it really captured her voice perfectly, but at least it had the feeling of being a lot more polished than nearly all of the other scenes in which sonepony waxes philosophical about something. The Celestia scene afterwards, though, was not good at all. Not only did she never really have her voice, especially with the “dears,” but it just does not seem right for Gearstride to be the one who saves her from doomscrolling. Luna also already gave her the mission of rehabilitating the cyborgs, which was a far more appropriate goal. And, there is the general sense that what Celestia was talking about didn’t align with the worldbuilding already done. Celestia says ponies have lost their way, but nearly every character Gearstride meets after she escapes containment projects the kind of goodness that Celestia says is absent. I don’t think you can even interpret this to say that ponies outside Cypress are bad, since Concord is the main offworld influence on Cypress and both Cold and Holly start off with the inability to imagine that Concord could be evil.Overall, the thing that impresses me most about this fic is the author's commitment to publishing it despite the mess. A while ago, I decided to assume they're EFL, so they must have a decent idea of how many scenes simply have the wrong words, while the words in them are at best related to evoking the pictures or emotions that are intended. I don't think the author is one of those that just absolutely does not give a fuck about what they post on the site.
>>41020292
>>41020198>And the final standoff just felt "eh" to meIt's very much just there, and I feel like it also cheapens the fic. A whole deal is made about the characters being 'peacemakers' and whatnot, but when the 'bad' guys are just well meaning, and use disabler weapons, and resolve the final conflict with talking... what war is there to make peace of? It feels the effort to make the fic pony backfired, because if everyone is already so pony that they'd rather just talk things out and it's all a misunderstanding then there's no situation for the protagonists' ponyness to shine through.>Celestia having regrets and feeling the worst aspects of isolationEven if the fic doesn't bother to explain why her office is all the way where it is.>highlight the author's skills the mostBecause they were written last.>this is a 6/10 fic for meI'm more pending for a 5 myself.>>>Synthetic Bottled SunlightYou didn't even read that one.>>41020201>>when the cyborgsHe's talking about Foki and Seq being presented as mercs and no one questioning their metal implants that everyone up to this point has questioned. Even though it should make it evident that they're tied to the Project. To ponies who know about the Project, no less.>Should've ended after Luna saying Celestia wants Foki to visit EquestriaThat bit is unnecessary too.>>41020210>Cascade's entire characterHe's fun, at least.>>41020235>Rated 'E' moment, just like all the other weapons/combat in the ficWe even get confirmation that 0000 space mare is still alive. I mean seriously. I get making it E, but FiM itself had higher stakes than this story does.>We never hear about combat stims again lolThe 'borgs have it as blood. The fic conveniently forgets that that can make them into literal zombies.>she can feel that nature is scared or somethingFor no reason, because then ponies just shout and that's it.>I loved "Who's Luna?" with Sundowner doing a doubletake.Same but it makes no sense for Foki to simp over Tia and not know Luna when she had her own history lesson through the data banks and apparently Luna is the more popular one now.>>41020245>who just flew one in an asteroid field systemBut mining Telfire is totally super dangerous and hardcore and stuff, just take Rip's reaction to the fact as gospel and ignore that the story doesn't go into proper detail.>Surely, surely Cold doesn't have intricate knowledge on how to send signals through locked down system beaconsYou'd think that, yeah.>>41020270>while SBS is the more memorable fic and that I left an updoot on it, I liked reading this one significantly moreI think I liked SBS better, and even then that's still around the same grade range as this one.>And here I thought I read everything on time for once.Skill issue. Do read it, it's pretty good and a much better attempt at ponyponypony in the space age.
>>41020201>They look just like normal poniesI said it wrong, but that's not the part I meant. I referenced the scene where Cold bullshits their way into Concord's good graces and says that Fokienia and Sequoia are mercs. No way this could work, when most of non-Project ponies react to Foki with "HOLY SHIT WHAT'S THAT!" and Sequoia has mechanical wings. It gets lampshaded a little immediately afterwards, but it's not helping it much.>during her normal lifetimeBoth of the princesses mentioned that she lived a long time. It's left (I think) ambiguous whether that's due to the usual fantasy idea of powerful wizards having life-prolonging spells, or because she was a lesser, tier-2, alicorn unlike C&L. Both are valid and popular headcanons.>'get ready readers, I'm about to... LIE!'Yeah, it was funny (in a bad way) how much the narration built it up.>>41020210>Cascade's entire character felt largely pointless to me.I wanted to give him a chance, but I'll agree here. He was unnecessary in this story and didn't do anything, really.>Personally I enjoyed these parts the most.I kind of said it in a previous reply, but I'll say again that I liked those scenes a lot. I'm just mostly unsure whether they should've been here or not, because this epilogue does feel like something stitched onto the "proper" ending. Not to mention the Mary Sue Fokienia issue brought up by some of the other anons.>>41020235>I loved "Who's Luna?" with Sundowner doing a doubletake.I did like that a lot, too, and I'll highlight it here. It's a great way of showing the problems with Foki; far better than the "I don't have the word for this" that she does a couple times.>someone says he team-switched again, but I couldn't even tell what he was doingFokienia (I think?) for a moment believes that he switched again, but actually he criticized Golden Actual so he's still the good guy there. All thanks to the short conversation with your favorite kirin.>>41020245>who just flew one in an asteroid field system or some shit while like half of the ponies in there do actually fly the planesThe fic maybe could've communicated it better, but the teleporting crystals he was helping dig up were meant to be some kind of insanely dangerous task where you risk dying every day on the job. IIRC in week2 he mentioned that he saw a lot ponies die out there, and that the smart ones quit it very early. So yes, surviving that job is something to be admired. He also had experience flying in the fighters, which I don't think is ever completely explained, but implies a lot about this now-peaceful kirin.
>>41020307My point is still that your numbers are wrong. How does one get 200 upvotes without being established or writing HiE or porn? The comments on the story I wrote have called it "beautifully written" and "absolutely marvelous"—yet, as I said, less than 300 people have ever opened it. As far as I can tell, if someone who's not an established author really does write the greatest pony fic ever told (something I'm certainly not claiming to have done), and it's not HiE or porn, then it'll get 500 views, 40 upvotes, 3 downvotes, and after that will disappear forever.
I’ve just finished reading the The Rise and Fall of the Dark Lord Sassaflash and this is my general thought about it so far.I really enjoyed it, the premise was just a little bit ridiculous to stomach for the first few chapters however the idea of random character being secretly a dark wizard really grew on me. Also I like how the writer sprinkled different ideas and concept in random spots of the story to have all of it come together in the finale.The idea of having mule be the protagonist for the first few chapters and have those chapters mostly presented from his perspective was pretty good, as for me it painted the image of Sass as an extra quirky gal who just happens to Larp a little bit too hard.Spoiler wise (I would recommend reading the fic for yourself before lurking into the spoilers):I think this is one of the first times when my expectations were subverted positively, as first Sweetie was able to do that simple repeatable self-writing spell in early chapters, and the healing stuff that happened in the train, it did a nice job to build a foundation of “hold to your butts because things are about to get weird”.The soft retcon of the Raskovnik into being part of the setting mythos was neat. At first I thought it was the writer’s original idea but then turned out there is an actual European mythos behind it so that’s a big plus. I would love to see other writers introduce the lesser known mythos and legend into their stories, Like I do not expect writers to go full Witcher and re-invent entire universe however just small stuff here and there to make things interesting would be always welcome.The level of panic, when they had to deal with the underground monsters was simply supreme, and the fact that they knew there was no way to fight their way out of it really highlighted that chapters from me. The dream sequence was pretty neat, I was worried it would be a segment were Sass gains some B.S. power up due to being able to connect to the “magic of dream world” , I am happy that writer was much smarter than follow that routine.(1/2)
>>41020404(2/2)When Sass woken up and saw the result of her “victory” was absolutely gut wrenching, and unexpected however that maybe bit more of my lack of ability to imagine what result of “smashing the reality into plum” would look like.The bearded reaction after listing to her plan being “this is just retarded enough to work” was pretty fun. Not sure if I do get the whole idea of “I summoned him in my brain so it’s same as doing it in the real world” but then again this story is taking the Cthulhu magical weirdness so I would imagine some degree of the over the top strangeness mix with vague ‘it just work’ logic is to be expected.I’m not sure if I would agreed with the idea of using the time angel things to search for the elements, as only the old leftover were used in the time travel BUT I’m willing to slide that on the side on the fact that writer could just use “here is a one time use rare artifact that we can activate to find anything in the world” deus ex machina instead so I will give him props for not going the lazy route.I think the best part of it was setting up the rules for how things are operating, and then breaking them in a way that still makes sense. Also the fact that it moved into the “unknown” parts of the world but in a way that is not annoying like in some other fics (“hey look, it’s the horse-Paris, were character are annoyingly French”). My final review of it, it is pretty great, while the grim dark / horror elements are bit OOC for someone who normally enjoys more of show style type of stories (Slice of Life and Comedic) I would still highly recommend reading it.And on that note, could someone recommend me some more stories that work in a similar format, were author is trying to mix their own story along with what had happen in the episodes, something that is little bit out there but at the same time it does not break the main episode story, such “remix” gives me lots of joy in reading (as well as including the lesser known old European mythos as mentioned in the spoiler).
>>41020301>Cypress ZeroAnd she was space googling it at the start, which makes it even better.>As if the narrator didn't have enough "visual awareness"Oh, right, one thing I forgot. The story outright gets characters wrong at times. I said it last week, but it did so this week as well. It's really annoying when n top of the already confusing prose you get the author being confused or wrong about who's talking too.>>41020315>I actually would've liked if he died out thereAnd you dare call yourself a pony fan.>but I think I'd give this fic a 7/10You just like the mare in reverse socks.>>41020357>but I really liked all the chapter titlesSame.
I'm halfway through DoWaS and I still don't have any opinions on it. Can somebody gives me theirs instead?
>>41020042Very fair point.
>>41020422It fucks.
>>41020171>The only good line from the final chapter was Foki waving goodbye to EquestriaYeah, I can't see how the Celestia chapter otherwise benefits the story.>>41020174>if their weapons are just big disablers, or actually lethalIf they can blow out a reactor through armor, they're lethal, so the tension came from whether or not the pony on the other end of the trigger was going to decide to use them in a lethal or nonlethal manner.>>41020270>but he mostly justifies his presence in the fic for me as a pacifist with a han solo backstoryFor most of the story, I almost didn't consider him a character. Y'all were busy trying to decide whether or not to like him, but to me he just seemed like a stick to poke the plot and move it along. That was until his control room scene, where he turned into a character and I started properly disliking him.>I don't even know how you can make this part E.I can at least make the argument for that: again based on the Crystal War timeline, you have ponies in mind control helmets. I think last week, the fic was flirting with T based on the riots, but not far enough into it to say "it must be T." This week, the scene that pushed it over into T for me was the ending of the space battle where they got crispy fried by a laser. I thought they actually martyred themselves, and it turned out that Ripshot basically did.>>41020372Whoops, I forgot to undo the search and replace in the notes before posting.
>>41020372>Not only did she never really have her voice, especially with the “dears,”I think the character voice was fine, she's just very sad and melancholic, is all. But yeah, ending every second sentence with a "dear" was a bit excessive.>>41020382>Even if the fic doesn't bother to explain why her office is all the way where it is.It actually does. It has to do something with the magical leylines converging there, so she can magic from there extra well. Something like that.
>>41020315>And besides, Foki and Holly had each other. And Luna.Hahaha.When you put it that way, I can see where you're coming from. The way the end is written, I almost wouldn't mind if the story had been bumped to a T and Cold did die in the way you described. It's completely against Sarge's ethos and overall strategy for the fic, but at the same time, he's the one who put himself in a corner where Cold needed to shoot. They could've had a reasonable transmit bandwidth instead of Bluetooth 2.0 and then either have no other ships warp in, or have them warp in too late.
>>41020422Born to ServeMiniverse is a Fuck黑暗女神 kill em all 2013I am night mare410,757,864,534 DEAD DOGS
>>41020435>Crystal War timelineMind control helmets and invasive brain surgery are fairly different from each other, imo. One's much easier to fit into E-rated fantasy, and the other has gruesome implications.>>41020446>It actually doesYeah, but that's not a real explanation. It just moves the why down the line. The real explanation is (sort of) in Star Swan, and it might be a SBS reference.
>>41020486>mindraping crystal ponies is not gruesomeYou would say that.What I meant to emphasize was that the Crystal War timeline had a very clear depiction of ponies in chains being led to a place where they have a mind control helmet placed on them, which then mind controls them.You can get away with a lot more "outside your rating" content in your fic when it's done by implication. All of the cyborg ponies have their augments installed offscreen. It's not clear how it torments them, or if it was instead relatively low impact. Based on Sequoia, you can argue that the seemingly lobotomized ponies could at any point wake up and not actually be the robotic vegetables they were partially portrayed as. Cascade in particular implies that they maintain all their higher reasoning capabilities, the augments rather focus them inequinely.It's things like that make it easy to argue the depiction of the cyborg ponies is E. However much weight you want to put on Cascade, I dunno, the fic likes to contradict itself.However, Cold and Ripshot "last words, then getting shot with a space laser, fade to black," isn't E.
I can only imagine how much you lot would tear the fuck out of Project Sparkle if it ever got read once it's done.
>>41020536Don't you worry, that danger won't befall you. Since you will never finish it
>>41020372>Before that, haha, oh man. The big reunionye, did not like that and Cold openly describes one of the biggest problems I have with the fic. And I generally agree with your princess statements>>41020382>what war is there to make peace of?The real war was the friends we made along the way.>Even if the fic doesn't bother to explain why her office is all the way where it is.She mentions it's as close to the central leyline as possible or something. "Why does that matter?" I hear you ask, who the fuck knows.>Same but it makes no sense for Foki to simp over Tia and not know LunaYeah this was weird.>>41020384>I said it wrong, but that's not the part I meant. I referenced the scene where Cold bullshits their way into Concord's good graces and says that Fokienia and Sequoia are mercs. No way this could workah yeah, nevermind then>Yeah, it was funny (in a bad way) how much the narration built it up.Yeah he really had to jusify it to himself/us throughout the whole thing>but the teleporting crystals he was helping dig up were meant to be some kind of insanely dangerous task where you risk dying every day on the job. IIRC in week2 he mentioned that he saw a lot ponies die out there, and that the smart ones quit it very early. So yes, surviving that job is something to be admired. He also had experience flying in the fightersI understand that. But he isn't a fighter pilot. Doing dangerous things while flying a fighter (for some reason) does not make you a 'fighter pilot' in the sense of the profession, he has merely 'piloted a fighter'. Juuust like everyone else in there. They say they sometimes fly to investigate or recon and then call in the real pilots. I'd argue doing recon that leads to having to call in real fighter pilots is also dangerous work and they're also flying fighters during it. They're all just as qualified to not be fighter pilots. None of them have trained how to get weapons on target and how to maneuver against an opponent. And I would far more expect someone flying a fighter in a police capacity to know the basics about aerial combat (especially if any are a pegasus) than a guy who only flew one in a mining gig that he quit as fast as he could. It's mostly just upsetting because they all act like he's fucking Tom Cruise when in reality they all suck and aren't trained. When I said "while like half of the ponies in there do actually fly the planes" I was simply referring to the fact that when he asked if anyone flies no one responded at first when in reality they had like 6 'pilots' in there all just as qualified as him>>41020419>And you dare call yourself a pony fan.He's a kirin actually ^:) ignore the guy in the back seat>>41020435>That was until his control room scene, where he turned into a character and I started properly disliking him.kek, he really went to shit in there. He hasn't been the same since the gas chamber.
>>41020330>What even is the main theme?I haven't read the blogpost yet so perhaps a better answer is there, but you can't really go wrong with choosing the most common line in the fic: "trust in the good of ponies". And from there it reaches out to go into the 'ponyponypony' which, though at time realized less than perfectly, is still a great theme to pursue. I don't see how it cheapens the narrative more than any other there would have, barring the fairly universal problems with the execution not being ideal in a few spots.>She had an unnaturally long lifespan.I mentioned it in one of the replies to twianon, but yes, that's part of the reason why I said it. Mentioning it several times and refusing to ever call her a princess, a ruler, or anything of the sort is either meant to hint at her being a unicorn, or (at least) is written in a way that allows for both that and alicorn Twi, depending on the reader's preference. Which I find to be a very elegant solution.>being or not being from Cypress?That independence sub-plot could've used some more attention if it was meant to be important. From what I got Cypress was well on its way of becoming a separate nation culturally, and that's why everything related to being a Cypressan is supposed to matter to those ponies. Also why it's hard for Cold to become a citizen, despite his privileged status.>>41020372>Cold delivers a spiel about never ever having checked his kirin privilege, followed by Cascade “omg u want 2 b frens?! *o*” was particularly crazyI had a higher opinion of this fic than most, and I was willing to forgive it much, but oh man, that particular scene was insanely bad. Doubly so because none of it really had to happen, and yet the author decided that it would anyway.>CelestiaI think her voice is (mostly) about right for a much older Celestia who'd seen ponies leave towards the stars and out of her effective zone of influence. And while Foki being the one to save her is really unexpected and perhaps not the most reasonable, Celestia's point about ponies losing their way is not wrong. The huge space corpos who are completely fine raiding the city, and willing to outright execute a pony in a cage, are perhaps the worst example. And the star-travelling mercs looking for conflicts are another point in favor of her argument; those are mentioned as a somewhat numerous group, not just on one specific station.
>>41020455I really do think it would've fit somehow if Cold had died and it was in a sense because of how violent he had been throughout the story. The entire fic constantly tells us how peaceful kirin are supposed to be and practically in ch2 Cold has his "So I started blastin'" phase that lasts for the ENTIRE fic. He's constantly in firefights. Him dying as divine punishment for violating his racial ethics would've been interesting. Especially if he had wanted it all to defend cypress (violently)>>41020536simple solution, just never finish it>>41020560kek>>41020566>or (at least) is written in a way that allows for both that and alicorn TwiI would have to re-read it but I got very strong unicorn impressions and vaguely recall them saying it once but perhaps not
>>41020534>You would say that.Mind control as it is in the show is certainly shown as intrusive based on Sombra's door, but it's still firmly in kids cartoon territory and the long lasting consequences seem mild compared to how you could actually write them as.>You can get away with a lot more "outside your rating" content in your fic when it's done by implicationExcept it's not implication. See:>so far as she could see, the skulls of these ponies were filled to the brim with more electronics than she or Sequoia had ever held. They weren’t simple, either: there were definitely traces of neurostimulators, and for the most part, their strength came from whatever training had been placed in the apparent data-banks, which were dangerously crammed into their heads in an all too literal way. The reasoning behind their enhanced endurance could be seen in the tiny glazed sheen across their eyes: like her and Sequoia, their blood had been treated with hyperplasma, but the sheer amount present in these ponies...>Without a doubt, were it not for their dulled receptors, the pain they would be suffering from would be immense.And earlier on:>A pony with hyperplasma can operate at extended lengths in spite of severe physical harm. Penetrating trauma, grievous bodily damage, destruction of the nervous system.Specifically, the image of data banks literally crammed inside someone's brain is far more immediately icky than just helmets being put on top of their heads, however much you want to argue about the deeper implications of mind control.By contrast, their heroic sacrifice bit has direct parallels in E-rated media.>>41020536Is it bad? But also what >>41020560 said.>>41020565>who the fuck knows.I do, because I read FtSS.>they all act like he's fucking Tom CruiseThe fic really wants to make you think he's like Spike (not the dragon), but never really shows you why or how beyond one scene right at the beginning.>ignore the guy in the back seatActually he's in the other front seat.>>41020566>I don't see how it cheapens the narrativeIt makes the whole peacemaking bit cheap when the conflict is so muted. Seriously, the only pony who throws hooves at the end is Foki's own father. Speaking of, he should face consequences too.>Which I find to be a very elegant solution.Or the cowards' way out.>that particular scene was insanely badSo bad that I think I removed it from my memory.>And while Foki being the one to save herGood thing FtSS fixes that.
>>41020560>>41020583>>41020596I'll finish it!...Maybe in 3 years given my writing speed with everything lately.I wonder if /fimfic/ will still be about by then.
>>41020598We've been going strong for ten years already.We've got our highs and lows, but there are still plenty of fics to read.
>>41020596>The fic really wants to make you think he's like Spike (not the dragon), but never really shows you why or how beyond one scene right at the beginning.Holy shit, this just reminded me about the music thing. He literally never mentions it again lmao>Speaking of, he should face consequences too.He's not the governor anymore. And aside from that Luna pretty much said no one will face serious consequences
>>41020635>Holy shit, this just reminded me about the music thing. He literally never mentions it again lmaoI think it comes up again once at the end, but yeah, it largely disappears during his focus chapters.
>>41013778you're should try looking at the mares in the images instead of horsecock
>>41014439you fags really do spend all day seething about aie huh?
>>41020389Bruddah, write fanfiction for fun. The numbers game is pointless. 40 likes means 40 people who saw your stuff and thought, “yeah, this is cool.” That’s a win.
So I wanted to read this story, but I only ever watched the show up to the S3 finale. Will I be missing context for stuff, or will I be fine since it seems to be AU? Fic is The Enchanted Library: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/240255/the-enchanted-library
>>41020770Watch the fucking show.
>>41020681>he thinks I can't appreciate the entire pic
>>41020163I mostly like the idea of this fic, but it's just incredibly painful to read. Everything is so awkwardly worded. I'm not even talking about the author's weird vendetta against "trotted" and other "-ted" words. The writing is full of Skirts-tier word choice, where you can guess what they were going for but the actual word they picked does not fit at all, and on top of that, every few pages there's a little side comment that sounds vaguely nice but actually has no discernible meaning if you pay even the slightest attention to it.There's also a lot of nonsense in the plot, which I assume other posters will have mentioned by now.I read the first half of this fic over a year ago but got distracted by other things and never finished it. At the time, my opinion of the fic was fairly neutral - not interesting enough that I felt compelled to keep reading, but not bad enough for me to drop it. But now, after slogging through the second half these last two weeks, I have to say: this fic is bad.
>>41020790I'm rewatching the show now with my wife and young daughter right now. Before this week I haven't watched the show since S3 originally aired, but i read a metric ton of fanfic in those first couple years of the show. I'm not watching ahead without them.
>>41020770You should be fine. I don't remember any post S2 characters showing up in any meaningful fashion.
>>41020802>The writing is full of Skirts-tier word choice, where you can guess what they were going for but the actual word they picked does not fit at allThat's unfair to Skirts. Skirts's stuff is purple and flowery, CZ is just wrong.
>>41020819Skirt's stuff is purple and flowery and often wrongCZ is less purple, less flowery, but even more wrong
>>41020825>and often wrongNo, you're wrong.
>>41020832Check the archives if you really care. I've already had this argument with someone ITT. I went through the first couple chapters of Austraeoh and found 2 or 3 very obvious errors, like Skirts mixing up the subject and object of some verb and saying that the plains were casting shadows on the mountains instead of the other way around. IIRC Skirts himself showed up halfway through that argument, and when I asked him what he was trying to do with those specific examples, he just gave some kind of weird non-answer.
>>41020163Well, I'm sorry if I wasted any anon's time. Thanks for reading.
>>41020770No but the author is extremely woman brained and that bleeds into the fic so that might affect your enjoyment.
>>41020770Good luck with that, it ends on a massive fucking cliffhanger, and the other books are on some sketchy site and the final story is canceled and will remain incomplete, forever wishing you never read it in the first place.
>>41020872That's just not true.>>41020855Norsewords is a different beast.
>>41020566>written in a way that allows for both that and alicorn TwiWhen in doubt, I always just assume unicorn Twilight. That's the correct way.>>41020859It's okay, Sarge. The reception was still more positive than negative, overall.
>>41020565>Doing dangerous things while flying a fighter (for some reason) does not make you a 'fighter pilot' in the sense of the profession, he has merely 'piloted a fighter'.>when he asked if anyone flies no one responded at first when in reality they had like 6 'pilots'It's been said multiple times itt, but it's unclear what he did or did not. Things like flying a fighter, his earlier talk with Cascade, or his regret when talking about his past all make it look like he did something worse than mining space rocks. But even if not, the telfire business has been super dangerous and (for some reason) required extreme skill. The reason why those six other guys didn't even mention their (very basic) flight training is that they just heard Cold being introduced as some superpony pilot, and they just went "shit I'm a fucking casual compared to this guy" and gave up. Their job was probably not dangerous if they can't even operate the ship in combat; they're just flying around doing basic maneuvers.But in general I get what you mean. A part of how the fic makes him look good is repeatedly asserting that everyone else is incompetent.>>41020583>I got very strong unicorn impressionsIf I recall right, Celestia says she had a unicorn student. But it's deliberately not conclusive, since even alicorn Twi was a unicorn when she was Tia's student.>>41020596>It makes the whole peacemaking bit cheap when the conflict is so muted.I guess, but the conflict is muted in part because of their actions. You can argue how much of it comes through, but the story tries to argue that things never went too far thanks to Foki and Cold handling things peacefully.>Speaking of, he should face consequences too.But he does? At the very least, he's deposed from his position as the governor. When Golden Actual gets little more than a slap on a wrist, I can't imagine the governor suffering anything more severe. I'm more interested in these militant corporations.>>41020598>implying we could ever get off the ridePerhaps there's some arbitrary time period after which the board (and /fimfic/) will be too slow to sustain themselves. But considering that we've been at it for a decade and that boards like /po/ exist, I do think we're going anywhere in the next decade. Possibly ever.>>41020859Honestly, have a little more confidence in yourself. I liked it more than most anons, sure, but I did really enjoy this fic despite its problems. And seeing any "big" (non-oneshot) decisively pony story be fully completed in current year is a great feeling in and of itself. Shows that it's not all EaW grimderp and AiE out there.>>41021004>That's the correct way.Indeed it is; I was imagining Twilight as a unicorn here, and I liked the fic for that. There aren't many fics in 2023 which would do that.But the ambiguity here is intentional, I think.
>>41021029>If I recall right, Celestia says she had a unicorn student.Ah, that might've been what I was thinking of so yeah I guess it is up to the reader
>>41020804Based family guy
>>41004159https://ponepaste.org/9988Little thing ive been working on for a bit, i'm no writer but i decided i wanted to get some of the ideas of an MLP AU i have on mind on paper. It's short, and obviously unfinished. But i wanted to know if it's even worth finishing.
>>41021231I thought it was interesting. Seems like you had fun writing it. Needs to be cleaned up a bit, but I wouldn’t tell you to stop going forward with the idea if you are enjoying yourself.
>>41021004>When in doubt, I always just assume unicorn Twilight. That's the correct way.I've found a good way to unnecessarily mention Twilight Sparkle as a purple unicorn in my latest story. She has no role, and will be mentioned only once, but she'll be mentioned as a unicorn, damn it.
Wolvananswer me, Wolvanwhy did you put schizo lore on your mare, Wolvanand why does it not include whether she plays any musical instruments
>>41015162i re-wrote and improved the First Chapterhttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/553897/1/the-extraordinary-tales-of-astrospark/crushed-dreams-and-shooting-starsas always feel free to give me feedback and please enjoy!
>>41021394>no groupsSeriously, it's step one to shill your fic. I still choose what to read on any random day based on what gets added to groups I follow. Don't underestimate that small extra influx of readers.
>>41021438as i said i'm new to all of thisbut sure i will go find a group or something
Only two more scenes and revisions on my latest one-shot will be complete.I'm feeling happy about it, /fimfic/bros. Even if it crashes and burns with no audience, I'll be glad I made it.
>>41021394>a towering labyrinth of books enveloped him, each time was a portal to realms of wisdom untold. Comma splice. You either want a period or to rephrase, say as, "each a portal to...">The shelves groaned under the weight of their contents, their spinesThe antecedent of "their spines" is "the shelves," but shelves don't have spines.>bent and frayed from countless journeys through the annals of history."Annals" are reports, so "annals of history" means something like "historical records." Neither the shelves nor their spines nor the books have journeyed anywhere, not even metaphorically through history. You need something like, "from countless ponies journeying through the annals of history.">he said to himself, Trying to pep talk himself.I think you wanted a period here.>just like Pops and Great GrandpaAh, so he has motivation! This is much better.>His great-grandfather Astromoon was the first unicorn to reach the frozen North with only a bag of apples on his backThis is a misplaced modifier. Literally, it allows for the possibility that other unicorns reached the frozen North first, but they carried more than apples. You want, "...Astromoon, with only a bag of apples on his back, was the first unicorn to reach the frozen North.">"Borrow" it's eggborrowing its egg>and brought it with them, needless to say, Astrospark inheritedComma splice again. You want a period after "them.">way!"HeMissing space.>The stallion Named Sage hoovesEven among your idiosyncratic capitalizations, this stands out as confusing. You want "named Sage Hooves.">"I'm Coming, Mother!" Astrospark shouted, his voice filled with confusion and panic, before everything went black and he collapsed unconscious on the floor.Sounds like his mother gave really good head.This is a much, much, much stronger start to your story. Bravo! I think this chapter is a good foundation on which to build. My main advice is to read good writers and pay attention to their style. Most of your prose is merely serviceable; but occasionally, you write something that suggests you can do better. (Your opening sentence, for example, and a few others near the beginning.) If you read good authors and continue to write, I think you can develop a compelling voice.
>>41019541Designated Survivor 7/10. Four of the main cast got culled when Netflix picked it up for its final season. I'm not mad they cut the cast, I'm mad they never even bother trying to explain what the fuck happened to the characters. It's like Dash suddenly disappearing and no one even mentions her again.>>41019951Not an AU. An AU requires a divergence from canon to happen prior to the fic starting. If branching after the fic begins qualified, then every single fic on the site would need the tag, rendering it meaningless.>>41020407>author is trying to mix their own story along with what had happen in the episodesWinning Pony does that and creates some fantastic Ponyville SoL, but you also have to take the relationship drama bitter pill with it.
>>41021908yeah i fixed some minor mistakes that you mentioned here>Sounds like his mother gave a really good head.yeah, that's a really old reference from classic cartoons running joke.it's a Henry Aldrich reference https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B678aBm1NPs&t=7s&ab_channel=ILed3LivesFan>This is a much, much, much stronger start to your story. Bravo! I think this chapter is a good foundation on which to buildthanks!>My main advice is to read good writers and pay attention to their stylei will >Most of your prose is merely serviceable; but occasionally, you write something that suggests you can do better. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate your honesty and will take it into consideration. Rest assured, I'm committed to improving my writing skills and delivering content that meets or exceeds expectations.
>>41022726Saw this inside the first chapter: 'He said to himself Trying to pep talk himself.'Also, I don't want to be paranoid but...This really feels like it was written, at least partially, by an LLM. The repetition of 'a testament to' even tells me it's GPT.>Dusty tomes lay scattered haphazardly across the cluttered desk, their pages adorned with scribbled notes and arcane symbols, a testament to Astrospark's insatiable thirst for knowledge.And not so long after.>With a flick of his horn, the papers on his desk levitated into the air, arranging themselves in a neat stack. His magical prowess was a testament to years of diligent study and tireless dedication.It's also detected as AI writing by some websites. Even if they are of course not 100% infallible, the fact that both me and them have suspicions should tell at least something about the writing style.
>New McPoodle ficLet's fucking goooooo
>>41022550>relationship drama bitterJoke's on you, it was why I read the fic in the first place.
>>41020407>author is trying to mix their own story along with what had happen in the episodes...Fics like this are really, really common, many of them are discussed regularly. Sections of the next week's book club fic are like this, even. If you're going to post in the middle of a club anyway, how about it?>as well as including the lesser known old European mythos as mentioned in the spoilerThat's not quite so prevalent, but not that rare, either. Did you read the other story by the same author, Mendacity?
>>41021362because fuck you that's why.Also she was born as a terraria/calamity mod character so I came up with lore fitting for a god killer.I may or may not have also been influenced by another faggot that very much goes over the top when it comes to powerlevels with his OC, whoops.But yeah, the lore mostly just accomodates the ridiculous power scaling that calamity mod has. And me having a bit of fun when making a character.As for instrument? Never thought about it, if you got a suggestion of what she might play do let me know. Didn't imagine her much of a musician but I am not against it either if you have something that would fit.Why the fuck are you looking for/posting my OC here anyways lmao
>>41023301>so I came up with lore fitting for a god killer.>Descendant from a long line of elemental unicorns, mastered control over ice and freezing winds.>Uses her magic to create wings of ice to fly.I dunno, I'd expect something either simpler or more epic for a god killer.>I may or may not have also been influenced by another faggot that very much goes over the top when it comes to powerlevels with his OC, whoops.Who?>As for instrument? Never thought about itShould play Thorium (early versions) next to determine that, then.>spoilerBecause you did not notice/respond in the more appropriate thread. Threads.
Forgot to say it in the book club but>that whole paragraph about Luna's sizeYou like BEEG mares, don't you Sarge?
>>41023389As he should.
>>41023389Everypony likes big mares.Speaking of (and ignoring that we're sinking), considering that Celestia, and now Luna, are so huge ignore Luna's tiny hiney, would this affect the ideals of beauty in Equestria?
>>41023406I think you can already see the answer to that in the Fleur and Sassy Saddles body types.
>>41023389Little ponies are supposed to be led by big mares. It's the natural order.
>>41023410I remember reading som fic where it was headcanoned that some of the canterlot elite selectively bread themselves over the millennia look more like celestia. And that that’s why bigger white ponies like blueblood and fleur exist. but I can’t remember the name now. Might have been the no nose knows series.
>>41023335>I dunno, I'd expect something either simpler or more epic for a god killer.Only so much space on a ref sheet. More importantly, REF SHEET. Physical (or what contributes to physical) appearance matters when I want to use that to have other people draw her.>Who?The guy that ended up making her twin sister by accident. Astral/Spag>Should play Thorium (early versions) next to determine that, then.Heck I'd love to play more terraria, I am just waiting for a new /mlp/ Terraria server to come up>Because you did not notice/respond in the more appropriate thread. Threads.Where the hell have you been trying to reach me lol. I only saw this because I got messaged about it.
>>41023453>Only so much space on a ref sheet.It's 6000 by 4000!>when I want to use that to have other people draw her.And then not post or upload any of it.>Where the hell have you been trying to reach me lol. Mmm. The threads in which a Terraria OC would be appropriate? >>40978722 >>40964527
>>41023410beautiful job but this needs pony ears not kitty ears
>>41023612>>41023612>>41023612>>41023612
>>41023473I haven't been to the gaming thread in ages, but duly noted. Maybe I should visit again, used to love that place but with my responsibilities every weekend I hardly have the time to game with fagsAlso I hate visual clutter on ref sheets. I have a lot of lore of her but I don't exactly need everyone to know every tiny detail when asking for art.I also have a gdrive with all the art I got of her saved, if that is something that interests you. Not sure why it would, tho. You'll find a way to contact me about it I'm sure, since this is kinda very offtopic for this thread
>>41023658>A lot of lore that is squirreled away, and just like squirrel stashes, will be lost/forgottenThat is what descriptions on images are for.>this is kinda offtopicThis is /fimfic/. Post the drive.
>>41023389I LOVE the beeg mares and will never stop writing the beeg mares
>>41023709Since the thread is basically dead anywayshttps://drive.google.com/open?id=16ionBSzBJGZXVXSSrWUsRIvERddY5ikO&usp=drive_fs
>>41023709also that "schizo lore", WAS, in fact, already part of mareraria.The ice wing items is what made the lore of magical ice wings happen in the first place.
>>41023910>ice wings as an item anypony can use>ice wings as a spell by the "descendant of a long line of elemental unicorns"
>>41023975Yes, we used a game mechanic to come up with some fun character lore to mess around with.Ever heard of just letting people have fun?
>>41023768Well, who I am to argue with that?
