>engage in any kind of game>start well>try my hardest to ignore the fact that im winning without actively thinking of what im doing but eventually my apebrain gives in>see that im winning>get cockiness spike and suddenly not even bother trying, even though i know im gonna lose, and the mental efforts for the most menial of aspects become 10 times heavier, and i lose any ability to concentrate even if you submerged me inside the game>there's a subconscious force in my brain that forces me to keep calm and stay lax or else im just going to freak out and lose even faster>listen to it or not, i lose by a stampede, by triple the amount of points i had originally when i started>game finishes and i end up with nothing but slight shame, embarassment and anger for being a contrarian to myself>but don't end up doing anything about it because im too used to this shit happening since i was a little kid>up until nowi'll take meds if it's what i need for this to end, i feel like my subconscious is another brain of my own entirely going totally against my will sometimes, and sometimes it's my actual conscious that goes against my good, but my brain always listens to the one that fucks me over, what the fuck do i do? im not gonna make it to my mid 20s if i keep living like this
bumping this shiti always have to bump my threads because the people of this board would rather orbit around the 98r822384823848235829592593rd female attentionwhoring thread instead of original discussion
>>82606397What gaem?
>>82606559team fartress 2peaked 5-0 ended 9-13
>>82606397Seems more like a mentality/personality issue rather than a mental disorder. This is a good thing btw, because it means it's more treatable. Ideally you should practice CBT with a therapist, but I don't trust them very much anyhow so I'll offer some casual help.It sounds like you have an issue with self sabotage and self destruction (even if subconcious/unintended). From this, we can deduce that you might need to practice graceful failure (ie. how to handle failure) and emotional regulation (ie. understanding how you think and finding/making healthy coping mechanisms).I mention "coping" btw, so I'll specify that this isn't "cope" as in "lol cope and seethe retard", but is about figuring out how to manage your emotions. Coping is just how we react to negative emotions/things to resolve how we feel (and ultimately feel better).>>82606439Bumping yourself doesn't do anything anon, lol>>82606587>tf2Relatable. I spent 1k hours (from 2k to 3k, am now at 3.5k fwiw) being upset as fuck at every little element in that game. This'll sound really fake and gay, but I had a problem with feeling out of control irl because I was an unemployed college student who hated their life choices. The answer ultimately was to take a break for 2 years and to get my real life sorted out (which really just required me to reframe how I thought about my life).I got mad at every game mechanic and element of game design. Some of it was stuff like:>bad teammates>scattergun rampup of 105>pyro's health of 175>lack of counterplay against sniper at long range>tight maps (when facing demos and soldiers)>open maps (when facing snipers and scouts)I'd spam chat with paragraphs (100wpm typing speed lmao) of genuine rage. I'd get kicked for it or get made fun of for being too serious, all just to requeue and do it again. Those months of my life fucking sucked cuz I was being retarded irl lol.
>>82606397sounds like you jinxed itidk just be confident what char do you main lolt. engineer medic pyro player
>>82606439I'll bump it for you too, lad.
>>82606750sorry for the late reply, but i was called over for some work and couldn't check the site up until now.i have recently started suspecting my issues may stem from my parents telling me i was much more than i actually was and it getting way over my head and never going down, i don't trust therapists either but if it requires a break from everything in general then i might just have to do that, still i try to regulate it irl, but it's extremely demoralizing how sometimes i realize how much stuff i had wrong when i thought i was a genius and then saw some other person i ever paid mind to do it way better and efficiently>>82606764engi but i was playing solly, the other guy switched to sniper mid duel and that's where it went to shit, i thought i could just concentrate and try to flank but i was too focused on the other players and eventually they steamrolled the game, it all happened in ctf_landfall btw>>82607413thanks m8
>>82607562>sorry for the late replyNo problemo.>if it requires a break from everythingIt never hurts to let things rest for a while. "Time heals all" as they say.>it getting way over my head and never going down>demoralizing how [xyz]Those are definitely potential sources. You may have held on to an ideal too strongly and had problems from that. I had a similar issue start during my teenage years that I still grapple with, although mine is more about people I dislike being actually better than me (and is therefore about envy/jealousy).I could never get over the phrase "Comparison is the thief of joy", but it's applicable here fyi. The goal is ultimately to enjoy the pursuit of success for yourself, regardless of what others do. It'll take a long time but it's worth achieving. I'm not sure how to exactly work towards it, but I think it's what your goal should be.
>>82607948>The goal is ultimately to enjoy the pursuit of success for yourself, regardless of what others do. It'll take a long time but it's worth achieving. I'm not sure how to exactly work towards it, but I think it's what your goal should be.i'll look forward to it, but i also want to stay relatively skillful at what i do, even if im happy myself there will be scenarios in practical life where way more work will be required than that i deem enough for myself, thanks a lot for the advice
>>82608136>but i also want to stay relatively skillfulThis does not stand in the way of reframing how you view your pursuit.>scenarios in practical life where way more work will be required than that i deem enoughRelatable lol. That's something which I think is really common. It's a matter of the mind so it can be fixed if you change how you think. Easier said than done, of course, but it's good to realize that there is a light at the end of that tunnel.>thanksI enjoy putting effort into things like this, actually, so thank you for the opportunity.
