>>82701411
There's really nothing left in me but hate. I can't get rid of it because I'll just be empty, but I can't do anything with it either.

>>82701411
Hi Taonon!!!!!!! I'm doing good, just been catching up on some chores today because my mom is probably gonna come visit as she tends to on Saturdays. Never looked forward to Saturdays because of that before, but now it's a lot nicer because your threads help me get back to feeling good quickly! Normally my mom visiting ruins my mood for the rest of the day...
Although if she didn't come around I wonder how messy I would get.. it's not the nice sort of motivation but her coming does give me some, otherwise I would probably eat out of dirty dishes for months and never vacuum.

Are you feeling okay today?

>what's on your mind?
(You) desu... but that's pretty much always the case lol. Other than that I guess I have a doctor's visit this Tuesday that I'm worried about, it's a regular doctor like a physician I think they are called but it's the first time I've gone to one in like 15 years probably... I hope they don't make me do bloodwork because I'm scared of needles...

>i hope this week wasn't too bad.
The week went okay! Bit of a rollercoaster emotionally but overall I would say it was one of the happier weeks in a while. Considering I had the volunteering thing that's saying a lot desu. Yours wasn't too bad either except for Thursday, right?

>what have you been up to?
Not much that you don't already know I suppose... just applying for jobs, browsing this dump, and occasionally listening to music. I don't know how you listen to music pretty much all the time without getting tired of it, I like to take breaks from it sometimes just so it feels fresh again. Not just specific songs, but in general too. It feels so nice to listen to some after a couple days of not doing so.

>>82701411
Hello taonon, I'm okay. Honestly I've been having some family troubles, but it is getting better.
>what's on your mind?
Sleeping. I've been up since around 6am, I've been travelling around with my brother, doing stuff outside. I'm very tired, but I'm also lonely (that's why I'm chatting here)

>>82701536
Are you in love with taonon? Are you the guy who made that other thread?

File: G1HvevYbUAAR_JL.jpg (396 KB, 2205x1639)

396 KB JPG

>>82701490
where does that hate stem from anon? what do you hate? i've got much of that in me as well, and it's hard to let it out. best we can do is try to not let it take over ourselves.
>>82701536
hi anon. i hope everything goes well when your mom visits. you better keep your living space cleaner though, it's proven that living in a clean space improves your mood aswell.
>Are you feeling okay today?
not really.
>I have a doctor's visit
are you feeling sick? hate to be the bringer of bad news, but if you haven't gone in 15 years they will definitely make you take a blood exam... i hope you studied.
ah right, i also hope everything went well at your session yesterday.
>it was one of the happier weeks in a while
that's nice, im glad to know. mine wasn't bad for the most part yeah, it's just the weekends that tend to ruin everything...
>how you listen to music pretty much all the time
hmm, i just love it that much i guess. i do it out of need too, i can't have silence without distractions. though i guess if i took a break and came back to it, it would feel better perhaps. but there is no way im able to go a whole day without music.
>>82701614
hello anon, do you feel like talking about those troubles? it's okay if you prefer not to. hopefully everything gets better.
>Sleeping
heh, you and me both i guess. where have you been going? any pretty place?

>>82701633
>do you feel like talking about those troubles? it's okay if you prefer not to.
My mom has just been sick recently, so I have to do a lot more work. Today was especially tiring, it's just exhausting.

>>82701614
>Are you in love with taonon?
Uhh maybe? I don't really know what love feels like so who knows... I may or may not have a crush on him though... he's on my mind so much and I've never felt so happy to talk to anyone before...

>>82701633
>i hope everything goes well when your mom visits.
Thank you! Usually it goes fine enough, but last time she grilled me about what I talk about in my therapy sessions and that was pretty uncomfortable. I just answered as vaguely as I could... I hate that I have to be so secretive with my parents, I don't know why I can't just be more open...

>it's proven that living in a clean space improves your mood
I-is it? I wonder if it's one of those pseudo scientific things... I swear it has no effect on my mood. But cleaning does! I like cleaning and then seeing the results afterwards, it's very satisfying. Still, my place isn't really that messy as such, I don't have very many things to my name so it's mostly just empty, I wish I had more decorations and such but besides not being able to due to my parents seeing them I also don't really know what I'd put here. I guess anime figurines & plushies and such, but other than that what do people even decorate with? Is your room also kind of empty or do you have a bunch of stuff in it?

>not really.
Awww that sucks... I suppose it's because it's the weekend and you don't have anywhere to be? Well, I hope talking to Anons here cheers you up a bit at least!

Cont.

Cont.

>>82701806
>>82701633
>are you feeling sick?
No, thankfully! I don't get sick often probably because I never leave my house. Do you? You go to school so I imagine you're exposed to pathogens a lot more than me.
But anyway I just needed a referral from him to a mental health clinic to do some psychological testing (my mom suspects I have autism and these days I'm pretty sure of that as well... dunno if there's much point in getting diagnosed though but I guess I'd like to know what's wrong with me too so I'm going along with it). But apparently they don't do referrals if you're not an established patient so they have to have me come in and do a checkup.

>they will definitely make you take a blood exam...
Uuuu... I knew it... I guess it's not that bad but I hope I don't end up passing out lole, the few times I've had to take one before I did get all woozy and had to lie down... it's pretty embarrassing. How does one study for a blood exam hehe? Maybe I could get some training for it if a vampire girl dropped from the sky in my lap and drank some of my blood... Are you afraid of needles or blood or anything like that Anonny?

>it's just the weekends that tend to ruin everything..
Hmm yeah too bad that protest wasn't on a weekend... then you'd have something to do at least. Is that friend you went to it with always busy on the weekends or what? Why don't you do something with him? If you're comfortable answering, that is. Sorry if this is a sensitive topic for you.

>i do it out of need too
Yeah, I suppose I suspected as much... that kind of sucks, maybe you'd enjoy it even more if you took breaks occasionally but you can't. Still, it's nice that you do love music so much that you still never get bored of it despite listening all the time! I guess it helps that you're into so many different genres. Have you listened to any good DnB lately?

>>82701614
>thread
Forgot to answer but no, I haven't made any threads in years desu

File: 1759552635810036.png (874 KB, 1796x794)

874 KB PNG

>>82701411
Hey, I'm good. Just woke up. Nice seein you again. How are you? What have you been up to?
This week... well I got employee of the month at work, which was weird, since it's vote-based and I'm not the friendliest guy. I didn't enjoy people constantly congratulating me for two days straight, but the gift cards were nice.
I also tried starting my weekly two day dry fast on friday morning, which actually worked well. I was concered I'd be irritable at work like when I water fast because of all the constant food smells and people in the office, but it wasn't bad. Now I just have to get through today. I don't know if I want to have water tonight before bed or extend it to tomorrow morning. I'm thirsty already lol. I'm looking forward to the refeed though. I have kefir and grass fed beef waiting for me.
Oh, and speaking of food the butter mayo I made turned out alright. The butter emulsified well and didn't harden back up in the fridge, so I've got that part down, but I think I added too much vinegar. It also just tastes like hollandaise with a lot of vinegar, not at all like mayo lol. I wonder what makes mayo taste the way it does. We'll see how the next batch turns out. I think I need to halve the vinegar.
Right now I'm gonna download Genshin and try that out. I didn't get around to it last weekend.
Fall anime are airing today so I'm excited to check them out. So far I like Yasei no Last Boss ga Arawareta which started last week, and hopefully Nageki no Bourei wa Intai shitai cour 2 will be fun like the first. I've been watching Watari-kun since last season and I guess it's continuing to 24 episodes. It's annoying slop but I can't stop watching lol. I should probably also catch up an all these Uma Musume shows, they look kinda good. Did you watch any anime last season? Are you looking forward to any this season?

File: 1a45e31586f0879e69d77fe5a(...).jpg (1.67 MB, 1005x2031)

1.67 MB JPG

>>82701756
oh, im sorry to hear that anon. i pray that she gets well soon. it's nothing serious i hope? still good job for working so hard lately.
>>82701806
>why I can't just be more open
try not to be harsh on yourself for that anone, it's not that easy to always be honest about everything. it's difficult for me to talk about more sensible stuff with my mom too so i tend to always answer vaguely as well when it comes to things like that. it can't really be helped, they can't understand us anyway.
>then seeing the results afterwards
which are a clean living space... therefore that is making you happier. i think it's best to not have many material possessions. you could always get a few plants to make the place look more alive
>Is your room also kind of empty
sadly not. there's still loads of stuff from when my brothers used to live here and i hate it. i wish i could just throw it all away. if i could i'd keep my room basically half empty.
>it's because it's the weekend
...more so ghosts from my past haunting me. but it's whatever
>Do you?
no, probably for the same reason as you. but i also always keep my distance from others and wash my hands religiously.
>a referral from him
ah, i see. i should get that too. my mom doesn't believe im mentally ill so i guess having a piece of paper to prove i am might help. and the meds too. do you plan to take any if they give them to you?
>I did get all woozy and had to lie down
that's normal, it happens whenever you lose a lot of blood. happened to me too when i cut myself pretty badly a few times. when it happens, drink sugary water and you'll be feeling a lot better in no time. would be a lot better if it was vampire girls that did blood exams though yeah. im not really afraid of blood, but i guess needles make me feel uneasy.
>always busy
yeah, pretty much. he works two jobs and always has stuff to do.
>Have you listened to any good DnB lately
not recently. i've been listening to deftones and the smiths for the last few days.

File: 3863f5f7130519b5867dd7398(...).jpg (119 KB, 768x768)

119 KB JPG

>>82701897
hi anon. im not doing so well but it's okay. this week i've been to a protest and nearly verbally assaulted one of my old teachers. other than that i didn't do much.
>got employee of the month at work
woah! great job anon. what did you get with the gift cards?
>water fast
hm, what's that good for? you can make it through today tho im sure. ganbare anon.
>the butter mayo I made turned out alright
niceu. i really oughta try to make that sometime, it seems like an interesting thing to make.
>what makes mayo taste the way it does
i'd say the oil and the lemon in it. i guess the taste also depends a lot on the quality of the eggs that are in it. higher quality means more nutritious eggs which means stronger taste.
>gonna download Genshin and try that out
what can i say, have fun... let me know what you think. im kind of curious to see how the experience of a new player is now that this game is 5 years old.
>Fall anime
honestly haven't been too much into anime lately. and i don't really keep up with seasons and whatnot, i just watch whatever tickles my fancy. it takes me ages to finish one anime since i watch (maybe) one episode a day... but recently i've finished the second season of dan da dan and it was pretty good. usually i always wait for an anime to end so that i can binge watch it in case i really like it, but that hasn't happened in a while... i do think the horse girls are pretty funny.

File: 1759465484337212.jpg (71 KB, 1024x866)

71 KB JPG

>>82702084
Aw, sorry you're not feeling great. What sort of protest was it? I've never been to one, I'm pretty apolitical.
Thanks, the gift cards are for grocery stores, which is cool with me. I'm glad they weren't for restaurants because I don't eat most kinds of food.
Fasting is great for overall health and healing. I'm mainly doing it for weight loss though since my health is phenomenal other than having some flab. No food no water. Looking at the results of last week I'm losing around 2-2.5lbs of fat a day after water weight regain. So 4-5lbs per weekend. Currently 203 down from 211 two weeks ago, want to get down to around 165-170.
The butter mayo is good to add some creaminess to ground beef and eggs. You can make it out of tallow or bacon grease too, but that's pretty expensive compared to butter.
Yeah I guess whatever oil most regular mayos use would have their own distinct flavor. Unfortunately I personally can't use lemon juice. I do use high quality pasture-raised eggs since they're raw in the mayo. Maybe I'll use two eggs per jar instead of one so the mayo gets thicker.
I'm trying to register to download Genshin but it keeps saying the server is overloaded lmaooo...
I tend to just watch anime on the weekends since the majority of shows release on saturday and sunday. I watched Dan Da Dan season 1 because I loved the manga but for some reason I just couldn't get into season 2. Did you watch Gachiukata? That was a pretty good adaptation. I'm interested to watch the horse girls because I keep getting clips on youtube about Agnes Tachyon and the art/animation looks awesome. I just gotta figure out where to start.

>>82701633
>ah right, i also hope everything went well at your session yesterday.
Oh sorry, forgot to respond to this! It did go somewhat okay, about the same as usual... but generally I feel worse after each session, I think maybe this therapist isn't the right one for me.. but then again she does push me to go out of my comfort zone at least, so maybe it's what I need. I don't know. I hate that therapy feels so useless, the other therapists I had before at least made me feel better but it was all temporary and didn't really change anything long-term.

>>82702075
>try not to be harsh
I'll try! It's just so frustrating because I think my parents are well-intentioned people but I'm basically being an impenetrable wall to them... it sucks. I used to have hope of changing this a few years ago but these days I feel like the only "solution" is to just move far away from them and talk to them as little as possible, which kind of feels unfair to them as they've done so much for me...

>they can't understand us
Dang, this does seem to be the case for some reason... I don't know why it's so hard for humans to understand each other sometimes. You really have to live through something to know what it's like, I guess... I'm no different, I have trouble understanding normies and how they function too, they seem like aliens to me. But it's a bit relieving for me to hear that you have trouble with talking to your mom sometimes too, I guess it is a fairly common thing with parents and children, my case is just especially serious for some reason. Why do you think it's difficult for you? Do you dislike relying on her, is she usually not helpful, or what?

>which are a clean living space
Heh! Okay you are right Anonny, maybe it helps more than I thought. It just doesn't last very long unfortunately, but for an hour or so it does make me happier when I see the fruits of my labor. I'll try to clean a little more regularly then! Could you remind me of it on Tuesday maybe?

Cont.

Cont.

>>82702547
>>82702075
>material possessions
I feel this way too... I hate buying new things because it feels somehow overwhelming to have another thing in your possession that you need to "worry about" now. Not that you need to worry about it really but I dunno... it's a little stressful somehow. And it's also bad for the Earth, especially if you don't get much use out of it before throwing it away. Are these roughly the reasons you don't like to have much stuff as well?
Plants are a good idea though! I'd love to have some houseplants when I've moved somewhere far away. Something to take care of, but not too overwhelming for a depressed person, and I absolutely love greenery so it's a must have for me! Don't know how I forgot about 'em. I just hope I'm not one of those people that ends up killing all their plants... I'll probably have trouble not over-watering them... I should probably look into which ones are easy to take care of. Though I hope they are pretty too, that's the most important part really. I want something with big green leaves, not one of those reddish or purpleish plants. Not that they're bad, but I just really love green.

>there's still loads of stuff
Huh, well that sucks... we should switch rooms! I'd love to live in a room full of stuff, it feels so much more alive IMO. I don't like it when it's my own stuff because then it feels overwhelming, but when it's someone else's it makes the room comfy and I don't have to worry about managing it all so it's the best of both worlds. My grandma's place is kind of like that, they have all sorts of stuff and you can spend hours just looking through all their things. I don't like empty rooms, they feel too spacious and rather lonely. I actually quite like how most Japanese homes have such tiny rooms, I wish I could live in one like that. It's a lot better than having all this useless space I do nothing with. Although, I do need some room to pace around while daydreaming...

Cont.

>>82701411
i hit a milestone with my savings. thought i would feel more excited, but i just feel nothing. oh well. i'm sure i won't start working any less lol

Cont.

>>82702554
>>82702075
>but it's whatever
Well your feelings are not whatever to me! But the ghosts of the past are, perhaps. I'm wishing that they all get replaced with cute happy Boo Taos!

>wash my hands religiously.
Me too... I hate touching my PC with dirty hands, I always wash them before I use it (which means like 10+ times a day). Sometimes my skin starts to flake a little so it's not very good I'd say... but maybe it keeps me from catching anything. Would you say you are a germaphobe? Keeping your distance from others seems like a bit much just to not get sick desu. I do that more because I'm scared to be in someone else's personal space heh.

>my mom doesn't believe im mentally ill
That's really unfortunate... I hate that about some normies. They think just because we can do some things it means those things are no problem for us, without realizing how many pains go into being able to do them at all. Or maybe they are just too scared to admit to themselves that horrible things like mental illness exist. That type of person bothers me even more, they tend to just refuse to see that there are bad things in the world. I guess I can't blame them too much though since I tend to be the opposite and refuse to see the good things...
And yeah, a piece of paper to prove that I'm mentally ill would be nice, at this point I need to prove it to myself more than anyone. I think it would allow me to not beat myself up as much since I'd know I actually have issues and am not just lazy and selfish.

Cont.

>>82702563
>>82702075
>do you plan to take any if they give them to you?
I do already take some! Escitalopram and aripiprazole, if you care to know. The latter has some nasty side effects supposedly and normally I'd never take it... but for some reason I didn't feel much resistance to it at all when my psychiatrist prescribed them. A few years ago I remember saying that I'd like to avoid meds at all costs to my therapist but now I don't care about taking them at all... big pharma got to me somehow without me noticing. Or rather the depression I guess. It just got so bad I felt like I would do anything to get rid of it. A bit pathetic I suppose...
I wonder what sort of meds they'd give to you though... some have a temporarily side effect where they can increase suicidality, so that's a bit scary...

>it happens whenever you lose a lot of blood.
That's true, but it happened even before they drew any blood I think lole. It certainly doesn't help though, and I think I also have low blood pressure so maybe that's why I'm so susceptible to it. And dang, how badly did you cut yourself that you felt woozy!? Was it accidental or intentional ones if I may ask?

>two jobs
Wow... yeah those kinds of people amaze me. I don't know how they have the energy for all that. Sucks that this means you can't hang out much though. When/where/how did you meet, I wonder?

>deftones
Not really my thing, but I liked Change!

>smiths
These guys are pretty good! And popular I guess, I've heard of them before. Never actually listened to any of their stuff until now but How Soon Is Now ("So you go and you stand on your own... and you leave on your own... and you go home and you cry and you want to die..." Damn.) and There Is a Light That Never Goes Out are quite good. What are your favorite songs by them?

File: f76ad88665e2ced8226fe5366(...).jpg (129 KB, 750x853)

129 KB JPG

>>82702448
>What sort of protest
was about palestine. i am not a politics guy myself, in fact i try my best to always stay as far away as i can from them, but i feel like this isn't just about politics anymore, so i went.
>for grocery stores
you know you've evolved to an adult when grocery store cards are something you're looking forward to receive... i'd be happy to get them too desu
>I'm mainly doing it for weight loss though
ah right, i remember you mentioned that. i didnt know fasting from water helped aswell honestly. well, best of luck with your diet anon, im sure you'll get to your goals.
>Maybe I'll use two eggs
i mean usually the recipe calls for two eggs yes. why can't you use lemon?
>the server is overloaded
maybe it's a sign anon... escape while you can...
>I loved the manga
is the anime that different from the manga or is it somewhat the same?
>Gachiukata
i haven't seen that, no. seems interesting though so ill put it on my ever increasing watch list.
>agnes tachyon
lole, thats great. she's my favourite horse. very funny and crazy. not sure where to start from the animes desu, i only played the gacha for a short while.
>>82702555
trips checked
>i hit a milestone with my savings.
nice job anon. are you saving to buy something or just for the sake of having money? i also kinda feel nothing whenever things that are supposed to make me happy happen. really makes me feel like an alien.
>>82702547
>this therapist isn't the right one for me
it could be the case. not uncommon to get a really bad therapist from what ive heard. it is nice that she gets you out of the comfort zone but she shouldn't do it too much. it's still therapy after all.
>just move far away
i think it's not such a bad idea. perhaps the distance will make you miss them and you'll be able to get closer once you meet them again.
>Are these roughly the reasons
yes. you could always get those fake plastic plants too. though i find them a bit depressing

>>82702844
cont.
>>82702554
>I'd love to live in a room full of stuff
it's filled with boxes mostly.
>Would you say you are a germaphobe?
meh, kind of i guess. i try and keep things as clean as i can, especially when it comes to food.
>They think just because we can do some things it means those things are no problem for us
or that we're just being lazy when we can't do something anymore
>It just got so bad I felt like I would do anything to get rid of it
i guess it's what happening to me recently. eventually ill give in too probably, unless i die before that happens. i'd prefer if the latter is what ends up happening. they'd probably give me ssri or something like that.
>how badly did you cut yourself that you felt woozy!?
pretty bad. i had to go get stitched up at the hospital. wasn't a fun experience i have to say. at least i got a scar out of it though. i broke a glass and it teared one of my fingers open.
>how they have the energy for all that
not having depression helps, i guess... i met him in kindergarten. he's a childhood friend and the only one i have irl.
>Change
have you listened to be quiet and drive? im playing that now.
>These guys are pretty good
yeah, they're good. i haven't listened to many of their songs but the few i heard were hauntingly lovely. my favourites are probably heaven knows im miserable now and please let me get what i want. deftones covered that one too.

>>82702844
>are you saving to buy something or just for the sake of having money?
just for the sake of having it, i guess. i don't usually want things

>>82701411
Good day my liege, i shall wish you the day. I have not done much and frnakly i have barely existed the last while or so. slept for a whole day and a half straight this week so you can imagine its not going brilliantly. I have been dreaming a lot recently most likely due to increased amount of sleep and it is truly weird what your minds starts to make. sometimes it is just unfilited ilogisticity, but other times it makes a whole world a whole perfect life for me in my sleep which frankly i kind of wish i never woke up from. I had a tin of baked beans today. I will try and get back to being human again though i will probably fail. Frankly the only reason i am up right now is due to the wind being too high to fall asleep to Have a good day huanon and good luck.

>>82701411
Hello hello Hutao anon
I have a really difficult midterm on Tuesday so I'm studying for it (topology and calculus) wish me luck

File: GvCa7BYaAAAIPcM.jpg (1.76 MB, 2930x4000)

1.76 MB JPG

>>82702871
money not spent is money wasted if you ask me. though i guess it's cool to have it in case of emergency.
>>82702941
barely existing is what i've been doing all my life i think. how did you manage to sleep for so long? were the dreams you had good?
>I will try and get back to being human again though i will probably fail
you really are such a vibe sometimes anon. but anyways do your best. hope you have a good day today too.
>>82703130
hi anon. good luck on your exam! don't forget to take breaks between your study sessions. a rested mind is a sharp mind.

File: 1756285545043834.gif (356 KB, 1200x1200)

356 KB GIF

>>82702844
Palestine is a good cause. The shit going on over there is pure evil and the world won't heal until Israel and the jews are stopped. I'm more right wing (not a conservative or republican, just a traditionalist) but I'd rather live with a lot of leftists than right wing zionist traitors. I really wish the right and the left would put aside their differences to fight the real enemy together. I'm just glad that young people are becoming more and more aware and disapproving of what the jews are doing.
lol I mean besides bills, probably 90-95% of my normal spending goes to the supermarket. I don't really spend money on "fun" stuff.
Yeah, if you don't take in exogenous water for a while your body metabolizes your adipose fat faster to get to the water stored inside. It's like how the fat in camel humps keep camels hydrated. And thanks!
Do most recipes call for two eggs lol? I just kinda checked out one and it did mention you could add more for thicker mayo, I just didn't know that was standard.
I can't remember if the Dan Da Dan manga felt that different, it's been a long time since I read it. I honestly can't even explain what I didn't like about the show. Maybe it's just the type of story that I enjoy less in anime format. Dungeon Meshi was like that; the manga is one of my favorite series but I couldn't stand the anime because of the pacing and presentation. The Gachiukata manga is way better than show, sadly. I DUNNO, maybe I'm just a manga guy. I prefer the unique artstyles.
Gachas scare me. I always want to get into games but then I see that there's gacha and stay away. I used to spend a lot of money on lootboxes and microtransactions when I was younger but I told myself never again.

>>82703197
>money not spent is money wasted if you ask me.
well what should i spend it on then?

>>82703197
>barely existing is what i've been doing all my life i think
you and me both anon, even back in the day when i went to school people used to joke about how i wasnt a real person, and i only spawned in for school ironic looking back.
>how did you manage to sleep for so long? were the dreams you had good?
Honestly i dont know, i just did. i have been very tired and miserable and sleeping way too long for a while and it somehow ended up in me sleeping through all of thursday. The dreams were amazing though, i had a life i had friends i had a house, i even just went to the shop and mundane stuff, it felt like being in a sitcom and i have not been that happy in a while, though i know it is a bit pathetic to think like that really bout my own thoughts.
>you really are such a vibe sometimes anon
highly doubt that one, or if i am it clearly is an online based thing only. but oh well thanks for the compliment and your a good vibe as well huanon, Hope your doing decent and all.

File: 81a4144ad30c6f5272aa572c9(...).jpg (189 KB, 750x1334)

189 KB JPG

>>82703220
>I don't really spend money on "fun" stuff.
why not?
>It's like how the fat in camel humps keep camels hydrated
ah, i see. guess that makes sense.
>Do most recipes call for two eggs lol?
i guess it always depends on how much you want to make but usually yes. tastes too oily otherwise.
>I couldn't stand the anime because of the pacing and presentation
it wasn't easy to follow for me either initially. it got interesting later on but the first episodes were such a drag to watch. i haven't read a lot of mangas myself, always have been an anime only guy.
>used to spend a lot of money on lootboxes and microtransactions
yeah i get why you dont want to get too much into it. thankfully ive always demonized gambling a lot so i really have no urge to roll on gachas and lootboxes. i did use to spend a lot of money on cosmetics when i was younger though.
>>82703232
i don't know anon, don't ask me. on something you like. on a nice dinner. perhaps a cool painting for your wall and whatnot.
>>82703290
>even back in the day when i went to school people used to joke
that's mean. i think they did that with me too but i can't remember exactly because i've repressed all memories about school
>Honestly i dont know, i just did
well i really wish i could do that too... nice that you had good dreams at least. i can never remember my own sadly.

File: G16UpwZa8AA5WTF.jpg (266 KB, 1312x1808)

266 KB JPG

>>82701411
i finally lost it
things i care about I'm hopelessly bad at and don't seem to improve, things i'm good at are things that make me want to vomit and tear my throat out from. clock's ticking, savings being eaten up by bills

trying to recall all slights done to me unpunished and to visit all the worst places but it's just like flies and garbage dumpsters to me. you don't kys from that. i almost got to a proper attempt but i don't believe this will actually set me free and i won't have to face all of this again but with less resources. i envy anyone at all this point. unfortunately only apathetically. can't i at least produce any better reaction in my life? probably not in this one

>I'm not doing well mentally
>Haven't had therapy in months becauase therapist is AFK due to personal life
>I'm a NEET
>I'm depressed
>Staying strong and positive
>Someone I know has her life together and has bought a house
>I'm NEETing my life away..

Thread is pretty slow today... I hope it's not because I've been monopolizing it so much lately... Uuu...

>>82702844
>not uncommon to get a really bad therapist
Yeah... I've heard many horror stories as well. She does seem worse than the ones I've had before, or maybe just has a different approach? I can't tell. You have been a better therapist so far though, haha.
She told me to do the volunteering thing again but honestly I haven't even thought of it again since yesterday because I really have no desire to do that anymore...

>perhaps the distance will make you miss them
Maybe? That is how it usually goes with relationships. You don't realize how good you have it until it's gone. I hope that happens then, but I'm not too sure it will... I have so much (unjustified) resentment for them in my heart...
Do you think you'd like to move out and live on your own? Or would you feel too lonely without your mom there?

>fake plastic plants
Yeah, I don't think I like the idea of those either. Seems kind of pointless, it would just make me miss the real thing even more. Though, if I lived in a place that has nice nature, maybe I wouldn't miss it that much.

>>82702850
>filled with boxes
Ah... well that's not ideal I guess. Those don't tend to make a room much comfier... Do you at least have space to walk around in your room or do you have to squeeze past them constantly? I suppose I would want to throw them away too in your shoes. You don't have any storage closets and the like where you could stash them?

>especially when it comes to food.
Well that's good for a future chef! I am glad you are that way, that's healthy for your mind too as you mentioned. Meanwhile I eat out of the same dirty plate several times usually... it just feels so pointless to wash them if they're gonna be dirty soon again. But thanks to your encouragement I did just wipe down the stove and all the tables, they are clean and shiny now! No more random crumbs and stains.

Cont.

Cont.

>>82703582
Do you have any other phobias? I have a lot I suppose, the drain phobia as I mentioned before, arachnophobia, fear of the dark as well... (although I can sleep with the lights off these days at least.)

>>82702850
>or that we're just being lazy
I hate that... I feel so ashamed of being such a lazy person already, I don't need anyone to remind me of it. What would you define laziness as anyway? I'm not even sure what qualifies as lazy and what doesn't, it feels like either everyone in the world is lazy or no one is, depending on the definition.

>i guess it's what happening to me recently.
Oh no, has it? Or do you mean the last couple months by recently? This makes me really sad nonny, I was hoping it was slowly getting better for you... How was your mental state a year ago or so? Did you have fewer bad days, were they less intense, etc? I wish that it would get to a point where you feel like you can handle things without meds again... I don't know what to think of you getting on them, since my experience has been mostly positive I'm hopeful they might help you as well, but then again it's really not great if you feel like you are pretty much forced to take them. I don't want you to experience such intolerable suffering... please, brain, let Taonon be happy for once!!

>ssri
Yeah, likely that... they love giving them out. I actually had more side effects from the SSRI than from the anti-psychotic, funnily enough.

>i had to go get stitched up
Oh jeez! That's awful. I can imagine it was a pretty unpleasant experience... I've never had to get stitches for anything, and I hope I never do. Please be more careful in the future Anon!

>scar
Why do you like to have a scar? I think I'd rather not have any... at least, not unintentional ones like that. I guess I tend to feel like it's proof you've been violated by the world in a sense, and I'd rather remain "pure"... but you maybe see it as a sign of strength?

Cont.

Cont.

>>82703588
>>82702850
>not having depression helps
But even then... I didn't always have depression (I don't think), but I've never been that productive. I am always very slow at everything and it takes me longer than it does for other people. It kind of stinks, I wish I could get more things done, even fun things like video games and anime take me longer than for other people to complete...

>met him in kindergarten
Wow! That's really beautiful actually, having a friend that you've known all your life. I am rather envious of that... There's a guy I was friends with in elementary school, who I would say is probably still the only person who I ever could have called "friend" in real life to this day, and I sometimes wonder if we should have kept in touch when I moved away. He was a pretty cool guy, very friendly with everyone and he sort of collected a group of misfit friends around himself and let us all have a small safe haven from the supernormies in the class. When I moved I was afraid my parents would think I cared about him if I kept in touch with him, so I didn't even leave him my phone number or anything... huh, so I guess I already had that issue back then, I didn't even realize it started so early. But anyway, I stalked him on social media a few times since then and he seems to be doing well for himself, has friends and a girlfriend and looks like a "real adult" so to say (I still feel like a child meanwhile). I wonder if we'd still be friends if we kept in touch. Maybe I'd grow to resent him for being so much more competent in the world than me...

>be quiet and drive
Nope, just listened to it now. It's alright, but not as good as the other two. I really like Please Let Me Get What I Want, strangely the Deftones cover is the better one I think. The lyrics hit hard once again... Would you say you tend to care more if a song has good lyrics or a good melody? Or is it purely on a case by case basis and you like each song for what it is?

>>82701411
do you hate me ? Why tell me to forget about you ? Why are you doing this to me

File: 740.jpg (28 KB, 186x151)

28 KB JPG

>Post ITT
>Ignored
>FeelsBadMan

File: fbca69a73a7d041bc5c5f9cd7207.jpg (79 KB, 850x747)

79 KB JPG

>>82703634
what do you want me to say??? what am i supposed to do??? why did you treat me that way if you care so much??? no i dont hate you but god, stop making me feel guilty for everything i do im begging you. you got everyone else ready to be there for you so just go talk with them. please, just leave me alone before i make things even worse. please.

>>82703772
I care so much, I just wanted to be good to you, I wanted to be your friend. I don't want to leave you alone, even if you beg, I still care

I don't want you to feel guilty, or bad, or anything

you need me there, don't you ? We understand each other... please

>>82703648
Well ain't that a description of my life for the past several weeks.

File: GbNl48DakAAbPAs.jpg (166 KB, 772x1323)

166 KB JPG

>>82703835
i dont understand i dont. i dont get it. you dont even like me. why????????????? go talk with the others. you like them more than me anyway. stop wasting your time with me. i don't want to be friends. we can't be friends im sorry. im too weak and it hurts too much. i really wanted to and i tried but god i never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever evre evergwr want to feel that bad in my life ever again. i dont need anything if not death. so just leave me be.

>>82703984
why is everybody in your threads not receiving equal amounts of attention?

>>82704016
go fuck yourself holy shit

>>82704034
why are you so god damn hateful? Who pooped in your sugar crisps?

>>82703984
I don't like anyone more then anything else.

Why. I;m always here, i'm sorry I went away for a little bit I was just in the hospital

I dont want to hurt you please ?

>>82704067
You sound like a liar, don't trust this man

>>82704067
Why are you such a simp?

>>82704034
What's wrong with you familia?

>>82704016
>>82704039
>>82704078
Anon, please don't try to stir things up. This is the nicest thread on the board, don't ruin it please.

>>82704111
I asked him a question and he told me to go fuck myself. He was rude first.

>>82704170
Of all the things on this website, is this worth that much?

File: freg6uk.jpg (108 KB, 850x478)

108 KB JPG

>>82704016
right my bad if im not answering to everyone whilst in the middle of a fucking mental breakdown. apologies. i will make sure to give everyone the proper amount of attention once there's enough alcohol in my system.
>>82704067
i know you were in the hospital. im sorry its fine. my head is fucking everything up again. i dont know what you want me to do. i dont know what to say anymore. i dont want to hurt you either but i really don't think there's any way we can be together without that happening.

>>82704203
you can hurt me, it's fine

I just want to talk to you

I want to know what I did so wrong

>>82704219
I don't think what you are doing to OP is healthy for him at all. You should stop. I pushed OP a bit far but you're crossing a line here where you clearly see somebody in despair and pushing it further.

>>82704067
Anon, sometimes one's presence itself can hurt people. In those situations it's not your fault, but that also means it's not in your control unfortunately. I'm sorry if that's the case here but there might not be anything either of you can do...

>>82704219
I don't know your situation of course but it's possible no one did anything wrong and yet things still went sour. Reality can be cruel like that. Sorry if this is off-base though, just throwing it out there for you to consider if you haven't already.

i'm sorry for ruining things

i'm sorry

i'll go away again now

File: 8c3b0bc4e4ab67785ac66b08d(...).jpg (152 KB, 768x886)

152 KB JPG

>>82704219
why? what is there to talk about? what do you want from me? you didndt do anything wrong. i am wrong everything in my head is wrong. i get fucking paranoid and jealous about everything and i can't stand you talking with others. i literally can't and i fucking hate it that i cant. you have no idea how much. the only thing you did wrong was being nice to me.

>>82704263
and stop apologizing for the love of god. it only makes me feel worse. id rather if you just insulted me instead

Is OP the same bitch as ameposter
kek destroyed by neglectchad

What I don't understand is why are two anonymous people so invested into each other? This is an anonymous board, people who don't know each other and somehow they're having mental breakdowns and care for each other like they're irl lovers? I don't get it, what's the backstory here?

File: b939da9596c5cb6da61ce126b(...).jpg (278 KB, 1080x1346)

278 KB JPG

>>82701411
Hewwo Taonon, I'm the anon who occasionally responds to your threads that's going to hike the calendar year triple crown, idk if you'll remember me.
>what's on your mind?
The mountains, my court date was yesterday, and my dentist appointment is in two days, hoping I can wrap up those two obligations so I don't miss my greyhound bus to georgia
>i hope this week wasn't too bad. what have you been up to?
Dogsitting for a crisp 500$ to put into more outdoor gear, court date passed with no conclusion, and had a ton of fun with a friend who visited from out of town yesterday, surprisingly, I am doing better, even though I'm not where I want to be, I am still enjoying where I'm at if that makes any sense?

>>82704346
Sadly these cunts keep making these fake positivity threads to gather simps while they simp for some guy ignoring them
Top kek

>>82704349
Samefag, I posted before reading the other recent replies, what the fuck happened lmao?

>>82704356
So this thread isn't an exception? These threads normally aren't positive? :(

>>82704399
They are normally, OP is just having a really bad time at the moment.

>>82704265
*hug* *hug*

I know how much it sucks to hate being a certain way yet being unable to change it. I hate a lot of things about myself too and I wish I could be different, but it seems we are stuck in our ways to a certain degree sadly. I wish I could do something to help you Anon... I pray that you can have a good cry for once, you deserve to feel some relief from these awful feelings.

This thread got gay right from the first reply

theres not 1 thing i can do good is there. i can't even have a nice thread. i fucked that up too. what the fuck is wrong with me

>>82704575
You fucked up the thread because the gay anon ruined it from the start in the first response you got. Relax it's just a thread on 4chan it's not a big deal.

>>82704575
You didn't fuck up the thread, let me correct myself, the gay anon who posted right at the start did.

>>82704575
The thread is based on mutual support, if you need us to hear you out, then just speak.

>>82701411
>what have you been up to?
Playing vidya
>how are you? what's on your mind?
Nevous. I start a new year at university very soon and the workload is only going to get harder. I just want a big tity gf to spend time with :(

>>82704111
Um actually that would be the take it easy thread.

File: 3030940329.png (408 KB, 400x600)

408 KB PNG

Hu tao is so cute I wish she was real so I could molest her