>was on my own, had comfy job night shift, lived in pod for 2 years>mom said I should come live with her and do college>haven't lived with my mom since I was like 13, now in early 20s (lived with my dad during other teenage years)>lease was ending, felt stuck so I did>was a total failure dropout barely got GED>long history of domestic issues when I was lived with her>was born into a cult>got my pp diddled by the son of a guy my mom was basically having an affair with against my dad>it destroyed my family >got stepdad>my mom and step dad constantly fought and yelled>just hid in my room >got picked on at school >grades got worse and worse, was just always drawing in school, over and over again>probably have aspergers or something>mom is still with my stepdad, and now that I'm here they STILL fight>start thinking I may have made a mistake, still just hide in my room>go onto night shift schedule so I can avoid hearing it or interacting with them during the day>completely depressed 0 motivation>rarely clean in my room, stack up dishes, don't take care of myself>will be feeling dehydrated as fuck, but will often just lay in bed instead and doomscroll>have isolated myself, stopped talking>lost job, got fired, demoralization increased>can't even maintain job, mom expects me to conqueror college>I've destroyed my brain, lots of basic math out the window>total shit fit happens today>mom comes into my room yelling>saying I don't take care of room or myself, doesn't try for college, saying I ignore her, saying I don't talk, saying I only use her, says I keep drinking even though the rule is i cant drink (even though i dont bother anyone), etc>writes up eviction notice and takes the mattress she owns out of the room, using mad strength and throws the dishes I left everywhere>finally break>tell her im the product of her, she raised me>told her moving here was a mistake, I forgot what it was like(1/2)
(2/2)>she starts breaking down and crying hard>told her I want nothing to do with this family, I don't want to be around anyone, told her I want total separation>tries to guilt trip me saying I hate her>tell her all the events of the past, how much i think it fucked me up>tell her she failed me, the religion I was born into failed me, the education system failed me>I finally break down and cry and tell her to just get the fuck out of this room, I try to gently push her out and she tries hugging me, I decline>crumbles up her eviction notice and tells me she doesn't want me to go>tell her I think I should because I don't want to participate in this dysfunction anymore>she starts crying even harder>she tells me she has trauma as well>she tells me I need meds and therapy>tell her meds and therapy has never worked for me >tell her whatever meds she's taking clearly aren't working and turns her insane>tell her if I ever had kids I would raise them the opposite she raised me, and if I ever have kids I'm most likely never letting her see them>she keeps apologizing, I don't respond>just told her I want to leave not just her, but the entire family, fly solo foreverWell Are Nine Kay, who was in the wrong here? Should I move out and continue the self Isolationmaxxing? Or is everything my fault for being an alcoholic loser failure?
>>82798272>>82798320Jeez man, this shit's too big for us to handleI don't know what else to say
I don't know the entire details of the relationship between you and your mother, despite this large post, but I think that you shouldn't destroy ties forever. Keep her at arm's distance, of course, definitely low contact, but straight up no contact is cruel. I do think you fucked up by accepting her offer initially. It's clearly only brought out the worst in you.
>>82798272>>82798320yah anon, you gotta leave, it's easy to say you should stay with her and try to fix things and make stuff better, but you're important toosome people just can't change, and you can't force them tojust get out so you can live your life, since obviously being there is just making it way worsei agree with the other anon, just keep interaction with your family to a minimum and try to get your life together anon, but for the love of god please dont drink anymoreit's just best if you leave, it's better for both of youim sure she wants you to be happy and live a good life and you can't do that with her, so get the hell out of there anon, for both of you
All I'm gonna say is that staying in your car for a few months isn't the worst thing until you can get enough money to rent a cheap place. Buy mini candles (they heat up enclosed spaces very fast), get a gym membership so you can shower, and try to find another job you could do well. It'll help you a lot in the long run anon, trust.
>>82798343>but straight up no contact is cruelWhy? This is probably the best choice for everyone. I told her I plan to straight up change my name one day as well (Not in like a tranny-way or something. Just my own chosen name, to finalize the total disconnect from my family).>>82798366She tries to push me to do better. But for some reason I struggle to move. I also told her people don't change. She said she would. I told her she wouldn't, and she's had 10+ years to change. She said she would, she said she wouldn't yell anymore or fight with my stepdad anymore. And I told her "I garuntee in less than 2 weeks from now it'll go back to the way it was".I think her and I just polar opposites, I'm a quiet schizoid probably and she's an out going narcissist/drama lover.I told her that and she said that's bullshit.She also likes mocking/making fun of my hypochondriac episodes, which I suffer alone. >>82798379I actually did live in my car for awhile before staying in my pod. I've hit rock bottoms before.I could probably get a new pod for 800 a month here, cheaper than the $1100 per month I was at before in my last state. But I'm also doubting myself, I'm 25 now. I should be in college, she is right about that. Because I shouldn't be stuck making 19 an hour for life.But how do I complete college when I hate being around people.How do I complete college when my brain is rusty as fuck and I have little to no self discipline to re-teach myself. How do I complete college when I work night shift. How would I complete college when I would have to pay rent. How do I complete college when I don't even know what I want to major in. I don't know how to escape this hell. The easy answer is suicide but I don't think I'd do that despite these circumstances. I have suicidal ideation sometimes but have never made plans or thought of killing myself.
You should have a couple of days to try and chill out and make a rational, calm decision. Nah just kidding, kick the shit out of your stepdad and assert yourself as the man of the house. If your fucked up mom wants a relationship with you then she can have it on your terms or not at all after everything she's let happen to you
>>82798442anon you've got to get out of there, it's not too late for you, you're only 25stop dwelling on what you're failing at and just make an effort to get the hell our and live on your own, when you're not rotting in your bed all day you'll gain some of that focus and brain thinking ability back
>>82798442Yk, you could join the coast guard? They give you structure, they give you help with your college, they'll take literally anybody, and you don't gotta die for Israel or nothing like that. It might be what you're looking for.
>>82798469Even when I was in my solo life pod living I was still bedrotting. I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do. When I was solo living I joined a chess club since I played and hit 2k elo before it was normie and cool. But that's about it. I cannot escape from myself. Living with my mom right now certainly isn't helping, but I am also a failure piece of shit myself. Which was something my mom brought up>SO EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT THEN, THE WAY YOU ARE?And I just straight up told her im a fucked person. And I don't know how to fix myself. I was still drinking when I was off living on my own, still bedrotting. But I was at peace, I worked 4 days a week, 10 hours shifts, solo night shift. Didn't have to talk to anyone.I miss it so bad. I hard regret leaving it.But at the time I wasn't living. I don't know anymore. My life needs to change and I need to be outgoing smart normie making money, but I'm not. >>82798471Don't think they'd let me, on top of everything that has gone on through my shit meme life, my brain decided to develop JME (form of epilepsy) at 17. So now I have to take anti-siezure pills for the rest of my life.
