when did you realize that nihilism was the truth and that death is the only salvation in life? i'm just harassing my doctor and psychiatrist for meds, if they refuse them or they don't work then i'm finally offing myself
>>83774060when I was 14. I grew out of it by 15.
>>83774060Its absolvation, not salvation
>>83774060When I first tried to kill myself at like 8.
>>83774067you merely adopted the dark. i was born in it, molded by it. i didn't see the light until i was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding>>83774075then salvation doesn't exist
>>83774060the only real answers and truths are hedonism and absurdism get as rich as possible buy as much as possible fuck as many women as possible thats the answer to life pure unadulterated hedonism just enjoy the glory of materialistic thingsand for absurdism accept that like nihilism life has no meaning but instead of moping around like a loser accept it and enjoy your life like instead of saying life has no meaning why bother say life has no meaning so i can choose to live without lying to myself
just spend more time in the sun guys
>>83774092>hedonism and absurdismwhat if, let's say, you had severe executive dysfunction due to autism, meaning you couldn't even work towards those things? how is death not the only solution when no other solution could ever even work?>>83774100getting skin cancer is a weird suicide method but whatever floats your boat
>>83774077>"I wish I could die and go live with the ghost pokemon"8 years old. Grade two. Had to speak to the family physician about suicidal ideation after my mom found me doing weird shit with an improvised noose
>>83774112>getting skin cancer is a weird suicide method but whatever floats your boatIronically shitting on happy-go-retard above.>>83774115Mom stopped me from hanging but I don't remember much.
>>83774112what does executive dysfunction have to do with absurdism
>>83774128how is it ironic? is it because he's giving me advice and by shitting on him i'm dooming myself from potentially life-saving advice? because trust me, i tried to touch grass and spend more time in the sun. nothing works, ever. i have lists of dozens upon dozens of methods and things i tried to get me to do ANYTHING ELSE but seek the way to be motivated. nothing ever works. nothing. my brain is broken, euthanasia is the ethical thing to do to me at this point. 10+ hours of introspection for over 5 years. 5 years. i feel like i'm 80 years old, but i'm only in my mid twenties. i tried so fucking hard, went as far as to seriously seek delusional things like immortality or supernatural power for any hope at some way to stop being the way that i am. nothing ever worked. drug me out of my mind, or put the barrel of a shotgun against the back of my neck and pull the trigger.
>>83774152it means i can't "act in rebellion against the void", silly. i can't do things for no reason, but i can't even do things for a reason. executive dysfunction is just the brain's inability to start and continue tasks, that's it. in my case it's so severe that not even the most scientifically effective methods work on me, not even a little bit.
>>83774156>i tried to touch grass and spend more time in the sun. nothing works, ever.Don't ask me. I can't bring myself to care anymore.
>>83774152Neuronormies come here and just say retarded shit about autism. The anonymity allows them to display their non-knowledge without any public cost for their ignorance
>>83774166this only applies to productive or hard shit tho doesnt it cause how are you on 4chan and prob consuming stuff on other platforms is that for no reason or a reasonand i got bad executive dysfunction too tho im "more normal" than you
>>83774185i'm literally diagnosed. i'd tell you to kill yourself but i'd do it way before you do>>83774190my only motivation is to seek the way to be motivated. ironic, i know. but what happens when i stop trying to find the way to be motivated, and accept the fact that internal motivation just doesn't come easy? i melt on the ground, boredom becomes so intense i can't help but experience vivid and constant desires to end my own life. if there is truly no way to be motivated, then there truly is no way for me to live. i'm still delusional enough to believe that somehow on 4chan i'll somehow come across the one post that will say the one thing that i need to hear to be enlightened and suddenly be motivated towards anything. i know it will never happen, yet i still do it because i can't do anything but cope right now. also, no i'm not consuming anything on any other platform. i can't even watch youtube shorts or tiktoks without getting bored two videos in. i seriously, and i mean for real, do 10 hours of actual nothing per day. sitting on my couch, laying in bed, contemplating how nothing is possible. it's been this way since childhood, but at least back then i had external motivators to keep my nihilism in check. but now i live alone in a studio apartment. for a year now i tried to find a way to fix this, nothing worked, ever. even my best attempts, like going through the AGONIZING TORTURE of forcing myself to start and finish a personal project, resulted in NOTHING. NOTHING!!! I MADE AN ENTIRE FUCKING VIDEO GAME AND I DIDN'T EVEN FEEL THE URGE TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE EVEN A LITTLE BIT. WHAT THE FUCK? i was told that if i forced myself consistently, i would eventually want to do it naturally and effortlessly. where is the flow state that was promised to me? it never came, because it couldn't ever come. i am doomed from living a self-led life, and i'd rather die than be at the mercy of others that are all too ignorant to help me.
The thought of death does start to creep up now that im going to be 37 this year
>>83774242damn i havent been diagnosed with anything and im prob normal but this is extremely relatable especially the "my only motivation is to seek the way to be motivated." like just consuming motivation porn and being delusional enough to come across that one 4chan post and even if i did my fucked up brain would prob read it and still wont get motivated enough to actually do anything
>>83774343i know i'm not alone, yet what is the solution for those like us? rot alone in silence? because yeah, that's what we're going to do if no one makes us do anything. the desire to find a way to be motivated is NOT NORMAL, literally any healthy person's mind goes like this: "i want this = i do this", period. any extra mental gymnastics are unnecessary, the need for a method of motivation is a huge projection for one's inability to be innately motivated. even nihilism is a projection, of course you'd perceive everything as meaningless if you can't act towards anything, it's a logical explanation that the mind assumes in order to cope. this behavior is so alien to normies that they can't even begin to fathom anyone actually experiencing this, to them it's so easy to do anything, like >>83774190 said. they always assume "oh you're just wasting your time doomscrolling like me LOL" no you fucking dunce, i'm not doomscrolling, AND THAT'S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM. doing things for no reason and impulsively so is exactly the mark of executive function. if you can't do that, you have executive dysfunction, period.the only solution i thought up right now is to spread awareness of the issue of severe executive dysfunction as the means to find the solution to cure severe executive dysfunction. it fulfills the "my only motivation is to seek the way to motivation" aspect while (hopefully) leading to an actual way to motivation. at that point you're fully justified in threatening to end your own life over all this, after all it truly is the only solution left if nothing else works.
>>83774060True, although I'll probably kill myself at my absolute peak instead of killing myself now. Would rather at least do some shit and gain some achievements without having to watch them become insignificant and degrade over time, rather than kill myself now in my shitty apartment just to be cleaned up like a stain.
>>83774414both of the guys you replied to which are >>83774190 and >>83774343 are the same person btw which is me
>>83774812stop masking then you closeted autist, and get diagnosed, autism is the most important mental illness to get diagnosed because knowledge is power with this one far more than the other ones
>>83774060It's not, Catholicism is the truth, but I'm not going to explain that one to you, you'll have to figure that one out yourself just like I did.God bless.
>>83774835>most effortful conversion effort ever
what was it that made people start acting like this?
>>83774826getting diagnosed or not getting it wont help me at all i dont have autism considering i dont have any like symptoms of it like im not that socially awkward or any sensory sensitivities or like any behavior problems etc i prob do have adhd atleast a light form of it if it exists and getting on adderall or other meds might help me because i do have crazy ED motivation problems and like attention problems too but i think its just excuses at the end of the day like i know the reason why i cant do the shit i need to do is me
