Can someone help explain the pathology of why romanticising suicide and fantasising about dark, violent fantasies feels comforting to me. I'm assuming it's because it's easy to fall back on negative reinforcement and self-pity than to try and force yourself not to give into negative thoughts, but I wonder if it's something deeper. I've always found I enjoy the dark and disturbed, be it artistically or philosophically. Only aspect where this isn't the case is romantically and sexually; people into shit like BDSM or emotional abuse are gross perverts to me. But I enjoy art and media that seeks to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted. I can't tell if I start having graphic visions about punching holes in my wall, destroying my own life and shooting myself in the head because I live vicariously through movies and music that express similar sentiments, and I want to relate to the tortured souls who make them. Is it habit and routine that have made me this way, or was I always this way? I've always had the fantasy of slamming my foot on the accelerator in a social setting and deliberately trying to make the people around me uncomfortable or offended using my words. Wanting to actually cut deep with words that come from a place of genuine vindictiveness and malice, speaking with actual venom from my voice. Or simply being able to express the most raw, primal thought in my head in the hope someone feels genuinely shocked and I get the satisfaction that what I'm saying isn't fake-edgy and tryhard.
>>84245753holy shit actual interesting ideas on r9k. there will come some fuck who will call you corny for this blogpost (it is) but this is better than 90% of the shit on this board. all seriousness op, it's because that dark shit about comforting the disturbed is just plain cool. throughout history, severe mental illness (recurring depression for fucks like kafka, bpd for fucks like edvard munch) is a prerequisite for great art. good, cool shit exists at the heights of emotion and mentally ill weirdos experience those heights more often, therefore they make better art/media. if emotions were a 1-10 scale where 1 is driving off the road and killing yourself while 10 is the 3am "we are so back" sensation, mediocrity exists near the middle while greatness exists at the edges. edgy shit exists near 1 which makes it great since it's at the precipice. romanticizing dark shit also exists near 1.
>>84245753even though I like living right now I still often think about suicide or running away. I really relate to you
Its because it brings power to you. The option of suicide is always there. You're the God of your own body. Even in the darkest of pits where you feel powerless, the option of getting a gun and just doing it is always thereWhat is an even more powerful feeling is knowing that the option of suicide is there, but choosing to fight back and keep living instead. By any means necessary
>>84245753You're an edgy incel. NEXT!
>>84246052>holy shit actual interesting ideas on r9k. there will come some fuck who will call you corny for this blogpost (it is) but this is better than 90% of the shit on this board.I appreciate that.
Try creating instead of being such a passive consoomer. You just want some emotion in your life doesn't have to be le dark thrill
>>84247647That's fair advice. I create for myself, mostly in writing, but I wouldn't consider myself a talented writer and I feel embarrassed to publish what I write for wide distribution.
>>84245753Anger if you don't know you don't know, because hurting others feels gudSuicide is even simpler cause some of us just want the pain to end, the value of life is negative.
because you are a cornball and wish for some outer force to take your guilt and agency away>>84247647seconding this, do some shit, lifes too short to be constantly edgy, its spring, the cherries are blossoming, the bees are buzzing and if you cant enjoy that sober then do a shitload of drugs, preferably opiates You try to give your mundane trivial boring life an edgy spin, romanticing your lonely melancholism wont make you more interesting and wallowing in it wont help you eitherbottom line is: Do drugs
>>84247647>>84248091Not OP but on the outside I'm basically a normalfag. I have a respected and well-paid job I enjoy. I have a family, friends and pets who love me. I have multiple creative hobbies and have published some of my writing. I love going outside, I live near the sea and swim in it almost daily in the summer, I hike, I go to wildlife parks, etc. And yes I even do drugs every now and then. Yet I have constant intrusive thoughts similar to OP's. I'll look at Ukraine war drone videos and constantly think about how much I'd love to just be fucking annihilated and turned into meat. I'll close my eyes on the highway for a few seconds and hope I end up in oncoming traffic. When I was a teen I used to cut and burn myself not because I was depressed or anything but because I just kind of felt like doing it. And the weird part is, I'm not suicidal at all. I love my life and feel so privileged to have it. If God himself gave me a gun and promised me there will be zero negative consequences for anyone if I blow my brains out, I wouldn't do it. I genuinely don't know how to explain it. I guess some people just have some sort of inescapable death drive or some shit. Maybe I just need a gf who'll kick me very hard in the balls every night or something.
>>84248460why?in the end its all over anyway, do drugs, squeeze atleast some happy hours out, dont you feel anything looking at the clouds after a thunderstorm
