Anyone lese here completely alienated? Everything is strange, the way people behave, the conversations i overhear, generally existence. And lately its starting to piss me off, im getting very frustrated with everything and everyone. My rage is getting less and less impotent and more outward. Its only a matter of time until i beat someone up or get beaten up, killed thrown in jail. But everyone pisses me off. All this fucking cretins trapped in their shitty abstract concepts babbling about indifferend shit and being rude. Im starting to pull knifes soon
Only when I stop to think about it. Gotta stay a busy bee to avoid falling down the hole of self and despair
>>84552063You have to fill your time with things that don't piss you off. Volunteer at an animal shelter or something. Retain your humanity
>>84552063People are strangeWhen you're a strangerFaces look uglyWhen you're aloneWomen seem wickedWhen you're unwantedStreets are unevenWhen you're downWhen you're strangeFaces come out of the rainWhen you're strangeNo one remembers your nameWhen you're strangeWhen you're strangeWhen you're strange
>>84552096Only when I stop to think about itI hate everything about youWhy do I love you?I hate everything about youWhy do I love you?
>Anyone lese here completely alienated?Yes, sometimes the love you wish you had but can never have makes you want to dig out your own eyeballs.Other times, you're at peace with your place in the world.Duality.
>>84552108So what if you can see the darkest side of me?No one would ever change this animal I have becomeHelp me believe it's not the real meSomebody help me tame this animal
>>84552140Lol I ain't even gonna autism lyrics this one, you beat me to it.
>>84552108>>84552096i tried, i even got out of neetdom again and got a job, but its ony parttime, i used to do drugs and go to the cinema or the library and chill out there, but lately even my last refugees get filled by fucking pricks, talking loudly, pulling out their phones whatever. I lift like a madman and do martial arts because im a meek motherfucker, people always antagonized me and stepped over me and made jokes at my expence. I was a grovelling sniveling weasel, always making space and movinbg out for everyone. But lately ive been exploding at random people in public and now ive got the physique to back it up. And the drugs stopped working, im no longer sedated im a pure unchained bundle of rage. And everything pisses me off. Everyone is so fucking smug and rude. People are completely removed from the potencial for conflict to turn physical. The police isnt here to protect you the instant you run your mouth, they need 15 minutes atleast. But all these fucks still run around so arrogantly. Im done playing nice and do these passive social aggressions. Either you can back the shit you say up with your fists or shut the fuck up, thats the method ive been running all my life. And now i got the fucking fists, but many people still havent got the message>>84552124love me some doors
Yes, and I feel like I'm nearly too far goneMy goal in life was always to be somewhere beautiful and quiet with a good social circle, but I feel I'm too jaded and fucked up to even enjoy that anymore
>>84552174any copes you can recommend?
yeahI was blind to it for a long time because my coworkers were all middle-aged married guys, and my only friend is a fellow autistic fuckup. But now I work with people my own age, and I simply can't relate to them at all. I feel as though they're in a completely different world to meI mean, shit, my coworker has a brother who does onlyfans content with his gf, and he slept with his wife's sister. That kind of thing apparently isn't even worth commenting on for the rest of them
>>84552063i feel the same, when I was younger and in school i had horrible anger issues. and I started directing my rage outwards at others, i got into a few fights and also started thinking of plans on how I would kill the people annoying me, never went through with it cause i stopped getting those urges but they are back. I want to kill the people that annoy me at my store and my boss now. I want to harm people I deem inadequate or subhuman, retards that don't know basic knowledge. or people that just dont understand anything
>>84552063>"Humans are social creatures"Not in the sense of we NEED to talk to other people all the fucking time, but more of us being a product of our environment, and you're gonna look and act like your environmentbad environment = bad shitgood environment = good shit
>>84552843i feel so envious that they are just in their tracks living their lives. I want to be in it too. Because if for any reason you have to step outside of it, and get a good look of it all, it is simply ridiculous and hard to nearly impossible to just go back in and forget this big farce and fucking bullshit that encompasses everything. I feel like im in a permanent psychosis since age 13. Everything is just laughable stupid, and they put so much worth on such small forgettable, frankly objectively bizarre bullshit. I would like to call myself nihilst, but i have to much hate and contempt for everything>>84553155i was not as extreme and as i said pretty wimpy and meek, i was just silently seething all the time, but lately im starting to crack and get phyiscal and actively confront people but i fear that its getting out of control, because sometimes now its compulsive, i just blurt out insults and threats even if i try to restrain myself really hard and with the knowledge that it will amount to nothing in the long run, what caused you to stop getting these urges in the past? Or did they just simmer down without any particular reason?>>84553230but that would mean that 95 percent of the enviroment is shit
>>84553230we are social creatures in that not being social signals low status/being outcast and thus you get social stress (scientifically proven concept). It's basically constant anxiety/fear.The solution is not to just be social, that only satisfies the not being an outcast part, the solution is also to be widely accepted and feel like you have some status. In nature, more status means more food and more resources, so higher chances of survival.Do you want a neet trick? You can reprogram yourself to feel safe with low status and loneliness. It's definitely possible, but not easy. Because at the end of the day, animals feel unsafe being outcast or low status for survival. But you survive just fine, right? Now you got to convince the animal inside of you that you are fine so he can go to sleep. Trust me, if your not a normie this can work. If your a normie then you have to follow scientific rules and just reengage with society. No need to thank me for saving you all the trouble, it's simple, but requires a deeper understanding of where you come from. Btw, this works for lust too, you just have to convince the animal that most sex is not procreation and that even if you don't procreate you can still leave "you" behind with your works. You can also just say that you believe in reincarnation or eternal life, if you truly belief that you can convince the animal of this, and then it's desire for procreation will go down. Procreation = survival for a mortal being. So just assume your immortal. If you choose to leave behind a legacy, then you can "lustfully" apply yourself to creative endeavours. Doesn't mean drawing hentai, but the sexual energy will make the art your "child", your "continuation".It's really simple. Good luck anons.
>>84553270they just simmered down, i didn't win most of my fights at school, so i was getting tired of being knocked out and shit so I just stopped, ig i deemed it inadequate and just moved on ig. i started kick boxing after the urges stopped but then I gave up on that shortly afterwards. I'd like to stop the urges currently but I am sick of disgusting people and the machine, this world just fills me with rage and fuels it by sending retards and subhumans my way. its like its taunting me, it wants me to lash out and kill someone but I wont, not yet anyway
>>84553274but i cant just convince myself of anything im here now, but im simply not sure what is going on and never will. with my birth i got thrown into eternity. No matter what happens after death, you are a part of eternity in one way or another.I have read so much theological and philosophical shit i have done so many drugs, but this simple fact is fact. And its looming over my head every second, how can i put any kind of worth on all this animalistic bullshit we call human society. And they dont even let you be, they actively try to make it even more shit for you. Unbelievable. This cant be it, we perverted this small little nearly nonexistent blink, were we can be sure o be concious of us and our actions for what, this? I swear to god im gonna turn violent>>84553299you summarized my feelings very simple and effective in way fewer words. I feel my heart is gonna overturn and stop from all the rage. This cant be healthy
>>84553312>This cant be healthyi doubt it is. it's interesting to find someone like me though, did you have anything that started you off this way? maybe something jump started you and it just started to snowball? for me i've always had anger issues, but I started dealing with low iq subhumans more and more at my school so i just started going further and further until i reached that point
>>84553274Screenshotting eventhough I know damn well I'm good at being aloneI've been in total isolation for the past 10 years and I've been living a pretty Spartan lifestyle so it all works outFunny huh? The animal within is afraid I won't have access to food, water, shelter but I know damn well I've got those covered ergo I've got my social needs covered too
>>84553312true, that's why devolving to pure animalistic desires of status is a zero-sum game.What do animals with a lot of status do? Finally chill down? No, now they start actively sabotaging others. Being an animal is a life of constant misery, it's just that as long as you follow your instincts you work with the misery instead of against it which creates friction.Even submitting can be frictionless, but it doesn't mean it is good. You submit, you become a faggot or doormat, you don't submit, your hated by everyone that wants you to submit and you have to fight your own urges to either submit or dominate. In this case, your not trying to dominate and neither submit so you live with the anxiety of having the animalistic desires but also the anxiety of the friction of not doing anything about it.Basically, you either HAVE to lose your soul, or you have to overcome these lusts. Or... you give into the animal side of yours, the easy way is to submit, the hard way is to try to dominate. There is no other way of peace. Oh, the animal knows no peace, don't forget that either.You need constant remembrance of higher concepts. Like, do you see beauty in art, classical music, in someone being a courageous person, in the loving of a genuine mother, the beauty of the sun, all this stuff. Whatever triggers a good feeling in you, keep anchored on that and try to be grateful. Grateful from the perspective of an animal (your save, no predators, you survive today, you survive tommorrow, no famine). That is all. Keep doing this until your animal gets convinced it's safe, so your brain (prefrontal cortex) and lustful animal (heart/gut) are on the same page.Good luck.
>>84553343Very good anon. Now you've got another challenge, that of speaking the language of the animal, of ensuring your brain and (you) are on the same page as the animal. This requires metacognition, and a lot of interoception and somatic awareness. It requires some focus too, so if that is an issue for you I recommend some caffeine before this type of meditation. Trying to send signals of safety top-down, not with the goal of feeling less, but with the goal of getting in-tune with the body and anxieties and offering an alternative besides that of truth. With time you will grow convinced and feel more peaceful. If you bridge correctly, which is very hard, your posture should naturally incline towards what is good too.The easiest way I know is to focus on something "good" like I wrote in my above post>>84553355, do this and ensure that there are no "contractions" preventing the flow of energy that make the brain and body not communicate together.The upside of all this disgusting effort is that you will have the ability of becoming wise, aka think intuitively. It allows you to learn very quickly and effortlessly, to understand things both in feeling and in logic. Right-left brain activity together. You "order" the emotional chaos. It allows for deep peace and genuine recovery, perhaps people will start liking your peace and immense energy as well. Oh, and doing this should make handling women easier too, you live in peace with your own animal after all.
>>84553327i was able to read very early. When i was five i got a book into my hands, where it was written that the thing that seperates the animal from the human is that the human knows it will die one day. From this moment it was over. I lost so much sleep over it and was crying and crying. The ticking clock in my room caused me to vomit and have panic attacks, i still cant sleep in rooms with ticking clocks. My parents tried to calm me down and started saying shit like dont worry about it now, you are still young and all this shit, but that didnt help little 5 year old me at all, because even then i knew relativity and that in eternity 5 or 500 years dont make a difference. It stopped my normal mental, social and psychological development completely in its track. I was forced to ask myself a lot of questions. Wish all that would have happened 10 years later so i cold have had a normal childhood atleast. I was completely removed from my peers even though i grew up in a loving family and neighbourhood and never was poor or abused or shit like that.>>84553355i appreciate your tipps, but i have come to these conclusions many times already. I see in all this stuff beauty, no worries, my only cope that still works are the arts, sport and my guitar. I love walks in nature. Sometimes when im out on a beautifu springday i even forget all this for a few moments and just enjoy the present. But fellow humans make it really hard to smile. I try to take solace in the fact that atleast my life is safe and fulfilled from a purely materialistic perspective. But i have come to all these conclusions 1000 times alread. i tried to embrace the animal side, i tried to overcome it, in the end i always end at the same spot.
>>84553413interesting, what sort of book was it? i doubt it was a children's book but i've read some pretty fucked up things in kids books before. I'm sorry that happened to you though, you had a chance to be normal. I doubt I did, i couldn't control the subhumans drooling in my path so I feel I was always destined to be cynical towards the world.I also never got to have a normal childhood, or I did? i'm not sure, I have no memories of anything before I turned 15. I have no idea who I was as a child, what I enjoyed, what games I played. everything is gone. maybe that helped mold me this way, it probably is one of the main reasons I'm like this...
>>84553438it was a normal biology book, with a bit of philosophical stuff regarding humans place in the animal kingdom. i grew up catholic but i wasnt satisfied as a small child after i read this. My father told me a lot and gave me few books on other stuff like eastern religion, greek philosophy and shit, but it made it only worse for little me, because it only brought up more questions and i learned even more concepts to be afraid of. But i wasnt really bullied, even tho other kids didnt befriend me, they were still friendly and benign for the most part, early school was a breeze for me, and teachers allowed me to read my own books in school. It came only with puberty that it all got complicated, because the other kids lost their innocence and started to turn vile, inauthentic, lustdriven and egoistic in the meanest ways and thus the problems started. But how come you dont have memories before 15? Was your childhood super traumatic? Do you have atleast any facts about your childhood that other people like parents have told you. Because 15 years is a big timespan to just not have any memories. Not even something special like christmas or a birthday or funeral or whatever? Purely none?
>>84553522i have no idea why i dont remember anything. My parents tell me stuff about how i was as a kid but I don't believe it. I know i cried during my second birthday party and had a spiderman cake. I know basic stuff like I know the friend I made when i was a kid because hes still my friend, but thats about it, i have bits and pieces i can maybe remember? like very brief small moments, but i cant pinpoint facts or anything im unsure why i'm like this i apparently had a good childhood. no trauma or anything
>>84553576then at what point came your cynism into play? Whats your first proper fleshed out memory you have? Why 15? thats a weird time to start remembering
>>84553628im just saying 15 as an even age ig to put out there, i dont even know what my first proper fleshed out memory is, maybe from last year or something? i really cant remember my first proper memory. i think my first memory is when I was maybe 16? i had a really shitty friend who would constantly bad mouth me to my face and i was sick of it so i beat him up, i remember how much my hand hurt from punching him, and how much i enjoyed doing it. i feel my cynicism has always been there, i've always had hatred for the world, its just usually been less potent? im unsure sorry
>>84552063I get what you mean but I don't feel rage. I'm just disappointed, but you can find nice people if you look at the right places. Those few people are still worth fighting for.
>>84553737i see, i see. Might be a an extremely stupid suggestion but ever thought about doing opiates? Maybe they could help you to chill out for atleast a few hours.But i gotta go to sleep, because i gotta work tomorrow, so have a nice day/night but i take solace in the fact that people go through similar shit as me, really. Was nice chatting with you
Prongles and dr perky
>>84554222never thought about hard drugs, i dont wanna risk it, ive kept away from hard drugs or anything like that, and stay relatively sober except for the occasional drinking, apparently my grandpa was an alcoholic and beat my dad a lot so i have those genes in me, don't wanna be like him. i should be heading to sleep too, it was super nice chatting to someone like me. hopefully we can claw our way out of this
I've felt that way for a long time and eventually I just gave up on being a normalfaggot and embraced behind a loser. I still feel lonely from time to time and bear the weight of being a social outcast when I can't dodge social situations but when I come home to my dakimakura and my various hentai paraphernalia and have a good ol' wank I can forget about it and go back to enjoying video games, anime, tinkering with my computer, model kits, etc.
>>84552063yes yes yes>Everything is strange, the way people behave, the conversations i overhear, generally existencei have felt like this since childhood
>>84553399Guess I've been doing this instinctively?I'm an overthinker/self-observer by nature so I think on my thoughts a lot>focusing on happy thoughtsI've noticed, probably because of neurodivergence + childhood trauma, that I don't react the same way towards these thingsMaybe something good did happen to me, but my brain doesn't register it so I feel neutral about it On the other hand, it seems like I can *control* my emotions? It's like a switch I can turn on/off where I can choose to be happy or angry
>>84552063I don't belong in my country, my country doesn't feel like it belongs to me, I share nothing in common with my countrymen, there's nothing to strive for, all paths are blocked for me, etc
