Is it crazy to say i find majority of people beautiful?I seriously see beauty in all walks of life. I think the only exception is people who are very unhealthy. But all eye shapes, colours, hair textures, skin tones, ethnicities, I find them all so beautiful. Not in a sexual way, but in a deeply platonic way. I do have certain features that im more fond of than others though.
>>84604413I felt this way for a long time and I think I still do. I don't think anyone is actually ugly. There's features I'm not attracted to but there's beauty in everything
>>84604413I think almost anyone can look cool with a fitting outfit and demeanor, but it's modern life that pushes them to avoid self-discovery and pursue self-destruction.
>>84604413perspective is upbringing
I only feel like this with stimulants. The rest of the time I find people unbearably repulsive. Not in an edgy way.
>>84604413>Not in a sexual wayI don't really care what do you think about my appearance at all, my dick is not gonna suck itself so stop wasting my time
>>84604487I cant help it, im kinda asexual, so attraction is on a platonic for me mostly
>>84604423This is why I dont understand looksmaxxers. They want everybody to look the same, but that would be so boring. I like how wrinkles, and scars and tanning and eyes and clothes and everything tells me about this person and what kind of life he has lived. The differences in humans are so cool, so beautiful.
>>84604680being asexual is one of the weirdest thing a human can doyou're either larping or you suffered the most vile actions possible
>>84604697I think due to being abused as a kid. I was never sexually assaulted but my parents, especially my mother, did quite a great job making me see myself as a burden who was better off dead. I dont know, it has jut given me deeply asexual tendencies where im averse to all forms of intimacy. I just cant see myself be intimate whatsoever. I dont know whether this will pass or not.
>>84604413Saying you find people beautiful and then saying that you find all walks of life beautiful, is to completely separate fucking things are you fucking retarded? Like if you look at a person standing there, do you look at that person point at them and say that is a walk of life? Because it's like you're Charlie from Always Sunny in Philadelphia and you're saying words but you don't know what the fuck they mean
>>84604715Have you tried to be intimate just to see what happens, moomin nona?
>>84604753Sorry im an esl. But you get what I mean right?
>>84604763Never. And I dont want to either... I just imagine myself alone. But I feel as though god placed a person in my life to teach me a lesson regarding my aversiveness to intimacy, I talk alot to my coworker, who is an older gentleman, 40 years my senior. I had known that he was alone with no wife, and there is a sort of sadness to his life. He doesn't have anybody to share it with. I assumed he had been with a woman some time in his life. But then, in one of our many conversations, he told me he had never been with a girl. I dont know, but this great sadness washed over me. When I look around me the most joyous thing about life is to share it with people whom you love. But the desire to find someone has been taken away from me. I fear that if I let someone close to my heart, they'd break it and I dont know if id ever be able to recover from that.
>>84604808>Never. And I dont want to either... I just imagine myself alone.You should at least try before dying. If you asked me you should just break down your wall. How do you know you want to be alone if that's all you've ever known? The Chinese would say you're a frog in a well.
>>84604835But I dont want to lose my virginity to someone who would leave me or worse yet, betray me. I dont care much about the feeling, its just a feeling. I just want a companion. I fear that if he ever saw me he would be repulsed. And when i grow old he wouldn't desire me like he would other younger women. Regardless, id be hurt. And Id rather be alone than hurt.
>>84604859Honestly if you're that concerned about "companionship" but refuse to experiment with intimacy, just become a nun at that point. Or make platonic friends. Your fear and insecurities should not dictate what you do and I personally think that's what you're doing.
>>84604859>And Id rather be alone than hurt.The real question is would you rather be hurt or hurt AND alone?
>>84604931>just become a nun at that pointI might. I have thought about it for some time.Sex is foreign to me im sorry. Shit looks weird and disgusting but it would probably feel great. Still disgusting though. And if a man saw me naked id have to cull him I fear. And I fear no one would want me either way. >>84604938Betrayed and hurt, versus alone and hurt. Pretty even if you ask me. But you guys are right I may have an irrational fear of intimacy.
>>84604413To me it's the opposite. People are all ugly. Similar conclusions to what you wrote later though.>>84604697I grew up hating humanity so it affected my development. I was on the path to becoming one of those columbine kids. I wasn't molested or anything but I was constantly ostracized and alienated. Only reason I'm peaceable now is I wanted to be better than those pieces of shit. Now I can't even remember them. You don't really walk away from that kind of unfulfilled, unresolved violent anger and hate without some kind of damage. Time and isolation gave me the sense of peace I had been longing for.
>>84605064>Sex is foreign to me im sorry. Shit looks weird and disgusting but it would probably feel great.It's weird and disgusting but it's not foreign to you lol, unless you're a test tube baby. Even then a man had to jack off>And I fear no one would want me either way.CWC found love. Someone in the world wants you. It's really your choice to give yourself to them or not. That's how your fear of intimacy is irrational. To me it seems less that you're asexual and more so that you never really put that much thought into it because of your trauma. That's why I said try at least once. Try to see if you're actually asexual or if you've been personally repressing those feelings. I'm not saying have sex but at least try to experiment with romance and intimacy. It is a part of yourself you will need to answer eventually. And if you try to be intimate but realize it's truly not for you, that's okay. But you need to at least try first. I get you fear betrayal, but even if that happens, you need to learn how to deal with that as a person. I've gotten rejected and humiliated by tons of women but I personally still try, even if I know that's something that can still happen and I fear happening, I don't let it affect me personally and I'll grow from it.
>>84605160Hm, letting go of the hatred makes life easier anon. But I agree, humans are evil and betray you, but forgive them for it. Carrying anger helps no one, certainly not yourself. Accept the vile nature of humans, and forgive because it cannot be helped.
>>84605246You are preaching to the choir. Like I said, I walked away from it. Doesn't mean I'm not damaged from it though. It's hard to fuel spite and hate when you finally get some real solitude, and the time to reflect on yourself a bit.Though it is difficult to see beauty in and forgive people when they continue their stupid ways. Just makes me more confident I'm not missing anything. Why repeat the same mistakes they make? Seems stupid to me. I don't like being right about people as accurately as I have been. I wanna see the better things in people and they always let me down. It's a shame.
>>84605310Im not preaching to the choir. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting and it doesn't mean being naive. It means to let go. Let go of what people have done, because holding on to the hate and anger hurts only you. They have already moved on, they dont care about what they did. Why should you hold on to pain that will never be healed? You can point a finger, but there is going to be 0 justice. The pain reaches a point where its just obscure, it doesn't have any place to be directed, so the one that carries all the pain is the one ultimately hurt by it. Part of being better, is to forgive. And when you do that, you dont have to find a hold accountable, no one were going to be held accountable anyway. The deed has by that time turned into dust, and the pain shall pass with it.
>>84604413I'm the same way but i think it's because i've been wearing a chastity cage for two weeks and im super horny. But yes every man and woman i see... i'd drop to my knees and lick their feet if they let me
>>84605238Youre right I am being irrational about my fear. But its easier to stick with bad habits, they are ultimately destructive but they are easier short term. I have to come around to it sometime, and I will certainty try anon. Loneliness feels good right now, but ill have to find someone that feels better than my solitude. I need to stop being a coward.
>>84605376Then you don't comprehend that kind of hatred. You talk about naivety but you clearly have not undergone this.It is the kind of hatred that consumes the self at the cost of survival. I survived, the self didn't. He was the fire, I am the ashes. It is akin to becoming someone else. Split apart at the seams.I cannot forgive people I do not remember from before our rupture. I do not remember their faces, I do not remember their names. They are not worth remembering, that is the only thing I know.You insinuate I continue to feel that hate, it is only disappointment I feel. If I were as passionate as to feel that fury again I would have car bombed a health insurance office by now. Forgetting them is the same thing they have done to me, that is how we all move on. When those things become unimportant figments and whispering of the past. If I had held onto that, would I have forgotten so much? I do not think so. I take after Captain Ahab a lot, I know my white whales. If I held onto that hatred, I would not have forgotten them.I was mistaken in my assessment about the "choir." In fact you may be just as bitter if you are blinded by someone accepting that they hated once upon time. I'm not in need of your lectures. I get along fine with most people nowadays, I just have my expectations set to the floor, if not lower. Evidently I need to do the same with you, as I had forgotten.
>>84605510God damn man. Im sorry.You know this better than I do, I was just trying to help. Youre a terrific writer btw
