>>84703814
Have you tried masturbating instead?

Weren't you from that fake suicide thread? Die already, we don't care about you. The only ones who care are the ones like that fat smelly guy, they just smell blood in the water.

It'll continue like this until you kill yourself. Your life will never change. Because the person having those dreams of true love...is *you*.

>>84703814
full moon last night

this sped needs her own containment thread, stop shitting up multiple boards with dozens of threads you mongoloid spastic

>>84703814
hey just curious you said in the last thread you met your groomer even though you didn't want to because he threatened to rape a kid in thailand. Did you meet him bc you wanted to save the kid or was it out of jealousy?

>>84703988
to save the kid

i am jealous person but im not evil

now i think of it i dont know if he would have actually done it but when he say it i was in a bad headspace i didnt want him to

i cannot really nderstand my reaction to things most of the time but i didnt want him to hurt them

>>84703995
then yeah in what world is that not rape? that first time at least, that guy raped you.

>>84703814
I really don't like your wigglypaints stop spamming them

>>84703995
also im not meditating i cant get out of bed. keep crying. but i am not crazy now.

i think of changing my diet. i dont know what yet. i didnt eat today so its okay

>>84704004
i didnt do this one my friend did ,. but i will add my name so you can mute me for now on.

>>84703998
the wholetime i know if i had sex with him he would marru me - regret, not rape. only him recording me was wrong. but i didnt know what to say - anyway.

>>84703814
1. you are not ugly
2. you are not fat
3. you have a nice body
4. people dislike you because you are a being of pure self hatred
5. you are a lost cause. a diet will only make you uglier, in fact, you would be more attractive with a bit more weight.

File: 2026-05-15 17.26.01.jpg (117 KB, 960x1280)

117 KB JPG

>>84704018
nope i am fat really at the moment

- recent pic

also it is more than that
i have wanted to lose weight since im a kid
the fat makes me feel sick
i want to be ill enough to matter to someone
just a lot of reasons.
also

the oassing of time without change makes me sad
at least if i lose weight i can track time by the amount of weight i lose so living doesnt feel worthless

>>84704013
I think you're only saying that because literally every man you dated was a pedophile who was taking advantage of you in some way. you were forced to go to the hotel, you were forced to undress, even if you wanted to have sex you weren't ready for it at that moment. It also seems like you didn't even want to have sex, you wanted to get married. Did you even cum?

>>84704029
no it didnt feel nice
really sex doesnt feel good
none of the tiesm i did
he did
that part was weord

anyway

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxT4fKzsNLo&t=29s

ive been watching these to calm down

>>84704028
no, you are not at all fat. i want to put headphones on your ear, with a mic in my hand, and repeat until you understand that you are not in the slightest bit overweight, you are underweight and truthfully you are wasting away.

>i want to be ill enough to matter to someone
do you see the amount of fucking people who engage with you here every day? also tacit admission that you realize you are killing yourself with the way you eat, and therefore realize YOU ARE NOT FUCKING FAT.
>the oassing of time without change makes me sad
there are far less destructive ways to do this, you are just trying to kill yourself without having too cut deeper than you're comfortable with.

>>84704039
Do you cum in general? sorry if it's a weird line of questioning, but you've always seemed hypersexual to me. so if it didn't feel good to you jesus Christ you must have really not wanted that. lmao why did you do it? what were you trying to escape back then?

>>84704085
i think i do
not really as much as
i can only like touching myself in front of others
but i cry afterwards
almost everytime i touch i cry so i dont do it much
and mostly all rhe times ive touched myself ive done it just to record quickly to show to people

anyway

my mum was cheating on my stepdad and telling me all about how shes having sex with lots of men and stuff. i gues s. and it was gross to hear - she would spend everyday drinking in bathtub and drunk all the time . well even i know it is pathetic and other people deal with more . but anyway . i dont really remember. a lot of the past is jumbled together . she took 10K from me and she blew it on alcohol and tried move oit and then sh e bought a place to rent and then didnt even move there so she just wasted all my money - and she kept telling me abt how she doing bsdm with her boufreind. crap . like that. my stepdad i was not close to him my whole life - but once my mum started locking us out her room then i had to be their communicator . mostly i just deal with my mum everyday and fed her and tucked her in and made sure shes ok . but at night she would scream at everyone and cry and you stop caring .

>>84704108
my mum has bipolar
i know most mum are crazy
i dont know
i think also i should mention my emotional levels are bad so even small things hurt me
so
anyway

her and her bf
(while she cheating)
would fight a lot and anytime she fight she take out on me - i wish i have pictures but whatever . i delete most of memories .

i guess even this week i am hurting from m my mum . but i cannot blame her for my probems when im an adult. she is m y bestfriend so whenever she hurts i feel it too. but anyway

i am only person in her life really so whenever shes mad she just hurts me

>>84704108
>>84704133
yes reply to yourself and dodge everything i said you coward of foid.

>>84704150
i dont know how to respond

>>84704133
so when you say hurt, is it all just emotional, or physical? does she insult you, or is it just the things she does that make you sad?

>>84704183
because you know i'm right so you'd rather wallow in your puddle of self hatred than every try to improve your mental state. admit it.

>>84704108
desu Im suprised someone like you even had 10k. you sound financially responsible? with 10k you could've moved out and lived by yourself, without the need for someone to take you away

>>84704197
both
mostly emotional
its almost everyday
but
then for the past few years shes been in and out of hospital so she acts kin dof slow. i know thats mean, but she gets electric shock treatment. when she speaks to me its like shes not my mum anymore, and then maybe once a month she will lash out of things. though the other day she say "i dont get why ur briother wont speak to me ive never done anything wrong" since he stopped talking to her 3 years ago. and it makes me mad. she always talks about how her mum was awful and abusive and everything she says is basically her . even i say it lots but i was in the car and she say "nanny hit me growing up, i know i hit u but u deserve it" she sa things like "ur cutting the wrong way jade" a week before my buitrhday she read my suicide note she found and instead of comfort me or anything , she on drugs , she pretended the whole week that my stepdad raped me . she sent me messages say "HE RAPED U HE RAPED U" when i never mentioned him once in the letter . i dont know even why she did that . and then she did it the whole week . then on my birthday i agreed to meet her and on the drive home she bkamed me for ignoring her texts and said she trued to kill herself the night before. she beat me lots as a kid but idc about that . even i prefer it over her words . she says things like "YOU LOVE THEM MORE THAN ME" over and over - she blame me of her and my srepdad doivirce . she was put in court because she threatened to break my steopdad bike once . but that same day i pushed her away while she was trying to hurt me , and so then she pretended i hurt her but i tokd the police the truth . and then for about 5 years she pretended she protected me from prison - "You should be in jail but i lied for you so youre here" i find out a few years later the charge was for damaging propety, not for hurting me, that same day she was messagng my sister things like "NOBODY EVER WANTED YOU" "YOURE UGLY" :YOURE THE UGLY DAUGHTER"

>>84704223
then there is no one to blame you fucking retard. this is a pathology of blame shifting. literally all this person is doing is wallowing in a nightmare, that at this point, is of their own volition while insisting its not.

>>84704197
but anyway . she has hurt me lots . i dont really care - i care that . well even growing up it is a mix between her not remembering and rememebring but not caring . in the car she says things like "everyone has trauma, get over it" to her ex boyfriend being in hospital because his two kids were raped by his friend. yet she spent a whole year in hospital and again went back to hospital, then greece, then thailand for 3 months. and she just got out of hisopostal again after 2 months. so yeah . and while i was there she say in front of me to my stepdad "why wont you have sex with me" and was showing him her new chest .

>>84704223
sort of i am
not lately
i used ti sell my pictures for stuff and it helped me not want to spend money when im sad . but lately im sad lots and i dont sell pictures so ive lost lots of money . i trying not to spend though .

>>84704247
i dont live with my mum anymore . and anyway it wasnt 10K at once . everytime i got a paycheck she would ask it from me.

my mum still means a lot to me
she is the closest persin in my life

>>84704199
i have tried to get better
it does not work
i get worse and hurt more

i rather just focus on something to distract me from hurting - and yes i am fat ./ genuinely . just because 1 person says im not fat does noy change the fact ive been bullied for my weight for years.

>>84704257
oh wow no wonder you accepted such faggots before, your mom set the bar in hell. Why do you even care about her?

>>84704261
who bullied you? if it was people online that's just part of the grooming process that they do the anorexic girls. tell an anorexic girl she's fat and she'll start sending you body checks. it's free real estate.

>>84704261
then just say you give up. "i will never get better, i am a lost cause." you won't say that either because you are an attention addict and it works better when people think you are tryin, even if with ANY scrutiny it is immediately obvious just what you are doing there are still hundreds of people that will wash with attention everyday while you insist OVER AND OVER AND OVER how fat, ugly, and useless you are.

last week when i stay with her
i already was depressed
i know i sound mentllay normal or not mentally ill enough but the truth is i have
i acbnn
i cannot control these feelings
really i cannot
i knew i was going to hurt that week though
i have been happy for a bit so i know it was coming
and so then i was depressed when i stayed with her
she just sit on the couch and
she doesnt remember anything because of the zaps

she cleans when she is sad
but i scream when she touches my things
even i dont care she touyched them
i cared because we have fought over it probably 100 times . extreem times . really she knows iy . and anyway . i know its stupid . i started punching myself and said i cant be hete anymore because she kept touching . and then she got mad at me and i got madder at her and i sa y "YOUR TEH ONLY EPRSON ALLOWED TO BE HURT" and i cry andwhatecer . we fight . and then i wanted to scream at her so i went to her and she ran away and pretended i was going hurt her - she say "DONT HURT ME AGAIN" - and after that i just screamed . i
cannot even explain how mad it makes me
the only time ive ever "hurt her" was pushing her off me AS A KID . she always does this . you push her off hurting her and she pretends to hit her hea dor lays on the floor and says "STOP ABUSING ME" and it makes me so mad. she is always
I HATE HER
an d anyway i just screamed and said you always do this
then she says shes gonna overdose on a bunch of morphone and i sau
"GOOD I HOPE YOU SUCCEED FOR OCNE"
and then i left that day/

we have not spoken since

>>84704271
girls bully me. men bully me, even my mum call me fat . even there is more to being skinny than being average weight . even i can admit i look "average " weight . but i can pinch my fat . i look healthy to others - i want to be thin and cared about . also - i am ugly . and so if i am "skinny" at least i can say "at least i am skinny so its okay" i know that sounds pathetic because it is but i just want something to be better than somoen . i dont have a pretty face or prettiest body so i can at least say - yes but i am small so its okay . and its somethning to work towards . just lots of reasons .

i care of my mum because even despite her bipolar she was my bestfriend. she babied me my whole life. really she is a goo d mum. its only her bipolar that makes her bad - i believe ed that as a kid. but ever since ive grown older our happy moments together are less and less. she just doesnt feel like my mum anymore. and so i miss when she was my mum - everytime i visit my nanny my mum is in hospital. and she says "its okay soon she will be okay - or - i dont know what to say" things like that . but its been my whole life . just . i know it is stupid. i know you can say "JUST CUT HER OFF" but she was my mum my whole life . even though i have my stepdad now - i didnt have him from ages 8-17 and even now it feels awkward sometime. shes the only person who is for me .

>>84704277
stop interacting with your stupid cunt of a mother
>>84704294
LITERALLY EVERYONE WHO HOLDS CONVERSATIONS IN THESE THREADS CLEARLY HAS IN INTEREST IN YOU AND YOUR SANITY/HEALTH THE WAY YOU CURRENTLY ARE RIGHT NOW.

>>84704294
girls and boys bully you irl for your appearance? Are you sure it's not just because you're autistic and alone? maybe you're not a 10 so your not invulnerable to bullying, but its probably more just that you're friendless irl and autistic af. You're pretty dude. and yeah I know your mom is your mom, that really sucks. Do you think at least looking at the time that has past. Are you getting less dependent on her

>>84704277
even she say to my stepdad "im gonna tell everyone youre abusing me" while she was hitting him

so that is basically what she does

>>84704303
i cant i love her
i dont live with her anymore
and im scared for her
she broke her phone and she lost her drivers license and she lost her medicare and she cant access her bank . she keeps blowing her money because she is sad . i dont know how to help her . she still owe me money . but anyway . i just wish she was always better . or even if she wasnt betetr - that she remembered things.

i do know i deserve it
i know i ask for it by returning to her
but i wish you could see from my pov
how close we are
since i grow up i have
grown up with her being my friend
so its hard to let go

the only reason i able to distance myself even from the past few years is because shes always in hospital

but even i cry when she says things like "i wont be your mother anymore" "i loved you too much"

so i know its my fault

>>84704303
more people think im ugly than anything else
it is the truth
and even with that in mind
it means nothing knowing i am replacable in seconds or the second a prettier girl told you guys to pick on me you would.

>>84704309
yes
the "ugliest" boys at school found my naked pictures and spread them around to others - they made gifs of me - they made edits of my face - they called me ugly and even one who was nicer to me spoke to me about it and said "youre a 2 but its okay" and that was him being nice.

they called me a witch

even - maybe i am autistic
i didnt even know they were bullying me
my friend told me they were

it was only after highschool they started to harass me

i never called them ugly by the way - i did not even really know or speak to them in higjschool which is why them harassing me was shocking to me. and then my friend say "yeah they bully u all the time in hs" and i didnt even know.

>>84704327
even - when my face was revealed i lost majority of my online friends. so i try to be honest with how ugly i am so nobody will see my face and be rude to me after we have becpme friends. i know its stupid

anyway

before that i had people make twitter accounts harassing my looks

pictures of my body
saying i am fat all of the time an deven making stickers of my face for servers as a joke

really i am ugly
i know it arlready i just
i don kt know

part of me feels it exceessive
and another part of me understands

>>84704327
>>84704353
Im ngl its really hard for me to understand that. Do you at least understand that the people on this board who have told you you're pretty probably genuinely believe that themselves? Personally I always thought you were adorable.

>>84704321
lets ignore your mom for now, you do realize you are not in highschool anymore? adult men do not give a single fuck about a woman who you view as prettier than you has to say to them? that part of your life is over now. their are numerous men on this board who wash you with sexual attention even for just posting your face, lead alone your nudes. and i mean, you know that right? that your threads wouldn't be at the top of the bump order everytime you make them if people didn't find you attractive?

>>84704353
like your eyes are cute, and I could stare into them for a long time. You do look kind of childish but it just triggers some weird urge in me to take care of you. the other anon that just posted is right btw. If Im honest with myself I don't think I wouldve spent so much effort talking to you if I wasn't attracted to you.

>>84704393
>>84704419
>>84704429

a part of me appreciates it and feels speical even though i shouldnt . i know that really i will not matter tomorrow or even today to anyone . even if you say nice things to me - it feels nice - but past that i cant believe it . even if someone is nice to me, it is hard to believe. and even then, the bad things outweight the good. you (not u) but the world throw 100 rocks at me . of insults . so it is hard not to expcect it . and even . anytime i read of myself , they always tease my face or cal l me ugly . even i know i act retarded , but if i was cute im sure i could get away with it - instead im bullied .

drining tea now.
going relax

if anyone wants to be friends well ill post my telegram user when i make one

>>84704469
yeah dont post your telegram or your disc. No offence but 90 percent of your adds are going to be faggots. You should only add people you've talked to a bit. I gave you my tag before. honestly.n on discord, and honestly_n on telegram. write it down somewhere I want to get to know you better sometime.

>>84704469
hope you actually got outta bed this time

>>84704502
now im in my chair eating a pudding and rice in rice cooker

>>84704463
sorry to tell you this, but no matter how attractive anyone could be, if they acted like you they would be treated the same way. in fact, women and men take a unique pleasure in tearing down things that have features they covet. this is incredibly natural unfortunately and absolutely nothing will change that. you'd get less hate if you were ugly, and that is completely true.

>>84704511
spitting facts I mean look at sems

>>84704524
honestly this woman needs to be like out on a farm or something with decent individuals with no internet access for a long, long time. i can't imagine any other way they could heal. maybe the lack of attention would lead to the rope though. idk, maybe the right dude with a true heart of gold could tear her out of this mental nightmare she is trapped within but she has to actually want it and i don't really see that drive from her. autism + cptsd is rough stuff. i just got the latter myself and its quite rough for me. just not anywhere near this.

>>84704543
absolutely. that or a father figure. I'm ngl I kind of want to be her dad and help her screw her head on right. she seems sweet but heavily misguided

>>84704696
she would 100% have to live with you, there would be no other way. and ngl, i can't really blame her either, i can't imagine her being comfortable with anything like that. i think she's just cooked homie.