Thread for discussions about selfharm and mutual supportit's... monday! o.ohello>How are you doing today?>Any plans for today?>When was the last time you hurt yourself?>Why did you hurt yourself?>Is there anything bothering you right now?
links :33> long list of self harm alternatives (thank you muddy):https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7> first aid post cuting:https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/> wound care guide:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic> bpd workbook:https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read>a bpd Information Book (anon said it's exceptionally good)https://annas-archive.org/md5/1a4f329474320214a120a4d553c6b60c> bdbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)workbook is intended for BPD but can work for anyone:https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdfPlease don't post any drastic images and if you have to, spoiler them
im kind of curious, if you dont mind me asking, for the anons among us that work, what savings are you left with at the end of the month? also what country youre located ini ask as im curious what real world people with real experiences and spending are left with>>84822032yeah exams coming upi dislike insta too for various reasons, whats urs?also hai>>84823674>so i can't watch what you postedyou dont need one! you can just paste the link in your browser and watch it there!wassup yuanon>>84824760heyathankieshru?
>>84829773hellow>exams coming upDx >i dislike insta too for various reasons, whats urs?I barely use insta but I feel it doesn't really let people fully speak their mind like if see something cool and want to learn more I probably gotta find that stuff on youtube Also I hate how it keeps pushing things down your throat I made a profile and tried to just sick only to stuff I like but it keep filling my feed with uninteresting crap that it thinks will keep me engaged but I don't work like that, it just makes me angry and makes me turn it offAlso it forces you to take an "ad break" I don't get how people can tolerate this shitwbu?>also haiheyoo
I've felt very weird past few days, like i know all my friends probably don't like me, or only tolerate me for what i do for them. but i also have such a strong emotional attachment towards them, and they do make me happy, so it's a weird conflict in my mind. >>84829711hey cat, Mondays really are brutal
>>84830199hello Aliiii !>know all my friends probably don't like mebtw just so you know I like you a lot :>also I noticed you get that feeling a lott maybe it not as bad as you think?>Mondays really are brutalback to school?
>>84830759> I like you a lot :>thanks cat your always very welcoming <3>get that feeling a lott maybe it not as bad as you think?ik it probably isn't, it just has happened before with people so :(>back to school?nop i just gotta do a lot of cleaning on Mondays now I won't be back to school until August :)how are you doing btw?
hey guys, sorry it's been hard to really respond to people here. just wanted to say hi for now, not much else to say. it's quite difficult for me to talk about my life out of myself rn
>>84829711>hellohello cat>>How are you doing today?Watching SPCX GO UP! I'm making money just sitting here and skimming!>>Any plans for today?I Opened a new savings account and I'm getting more money!>>Is there anything bothering you right now?Whenever this shit crashes!>>84815032>don't think i ever used that, but it does sound odd.idk, I switched from spotify to YT recently. It's weird that the app is seperate at all. >Lego scandal>are there some news on that front?There is always new news on this front. Every day either The CEO says a lie in an interview or someone goes back to an old lie and reviews the legality of it.>Murder drones>hope you can explain it to me. Just finished. Yeah idk. There's like no explanation for how or why the protag can just control herself now. It's like the Hulk suddenly being in control. It happened because it needed to for the story.>>84815634>Have a lot of mini home projects I keep pushing off out of just not having it in meI think I just fill my day with other meaningless shit. Maybe I'll get back to character designing tonight.>because I poured water all over it yesterday Oh no, that aint good. Glad it worked out.>>84829773hi sisy>what savings are you left with at the end of the month? also what country youre located inLike $1,000 in the US. depends on the job really.>>84830199hi gator>but i also have such a strong emotional attachment towards them, and they do make me happy, so it's a weird conflict in my mind.It sucks when your attachment is one sided, but are you sure that's what's happening here?
Hi /cat/! Thanks for the thread! ^^>How are you doing today?Really good, shockingly! It feels like I can confidently say I am on my upswing. I was so scared of taking up space in seeking respite from my suicidal thoughts being so loud, becoming more real each day. But... I took the space, I was so desperate.... Here first, then irl. I made myself... Trust I was safe and able to do the "wrong" stuff. Ex: laying down in the middle of a hangout to regenerate instead of cutting more to snap myself out feeling like not enough. Not actually grateful for company. Etc. >Any plans for today?My day is finally over :DI went to class in a super cute outfit to try and use energy to make more, and that worked. Got the compliment afterwards "girl, you cant set the building on fire with your fit, theres like asbestos in the walls" which brought me the reassurance I needed. I also got my midterm back? 96.84. phew. I also made a vegan chicken* patty burger with lettuce, red onion, mustard, and black pepper. I havent made an actual meal for myself in ages. Plus eating vegetarian sometimes. ^^;So. Im considering today a success beyond all expectationsAvoiding the rotting, getting drunk, etc this weekend. I did also get two wins, as I shaved my whole body finally! My leg hair, while not easily visible had me feeling... So gross.Oh, also, the...> Women's shaven armpits, yummy yummy yum yumThread psyopped me. I usually just trim super short, but my memory of "yummy yummy yum yum" kept making me internally giggle as I shaved I just had to in honor of the post.>When was the last time you hurt yourself?Today during class when I went to the bathroom.>Why did you hurt yourself?Panic attack started to come on, and I just felt so disgusted with myself for dressing vein AND having visible fresh cuts. I felt like a disgusting human. I feel much better now. >Is there anything bothering you right now?Yes, but... I want to ignore fully negative thoughts best I can right now....?
>>84829711>hellohello cathow are you today?replied to you in the previous thread but damn it died so quicklyfunny how it was lasting for ~3 days last few weeks>How are you doing today?tiredand worried so muchi hope it goes away
>>84824943>tired>gonna try to get some sleep soonguess you slept laterdid you sleep well?also why were you tired?>hope it stays that waythanks>distract yourself with?i didnt find a book to readbut there is a book i want to read but idk where to find it in my country.. sigh
Hoping to catch yuanon so I can respond to ">There's some killer post-rock Greek ambience band and compilation albumcan you post it?"Yes, absolutely... But I must gush while I do so.>>84829773>what savings are you left with at the end of the month? Back when I worked full time before returning to college, I had maybe $400 if I was lucky and nothing made me use it. By the end of 2 years living decently frugally, living in a 1 bedroom w a roommate. I had 3k saved up. I'm in South East U.S if "y'all" didn't say that loud enough ^^;>>84830104>Also it forces you to take an "ad break"You on apple or android? On Android you can get a version without ads and downloading capabilities right in it. I long deleted everything but discord - but when I was there. I still never heard of "ad breaks"? Same with YouTube - I got YouTube ReVanced.>>84830199> all my friends probably don't like meI hope this isn't true, and if it is... I wish you the best in finding friends who do like you for you. This conflict in your mind could come off in similar ways you notice they don't like you, and make them feel similarly? Or projection of your emotions about yourself? Defense mechanism to avoid admitting you dislike them? Would you feel safe sharing reasons you feel they don't like you? Even if I have no advice I'd love to hear, and hopefully talking or thinking about talking helps bring up new perspectives or plans? I've also had it happen to me before, so I often self sabotage and consider people temporary til they learn how little I offer, or how much I'm faking it all. You always seem really sweet, and I hope to be a friend of sorts ^^>>84831268I was there this weekend. My little hey message kept me from feeling like a ghost, or like returning was impossible.>>84831301>Switched from Spotify to YT recently.I did this, then moved to Auxio local files on my phone downloading them all using SpotiFLAC Next. The free one is kinda rough, and $5 for FLAC files is MWAH.
>>84831054>thanks catno problem ^^>just has happened before with people so :(yeah I know it makes sense you'd be scared of it but you should expect it >do a lot of cleaning on Mondayswhy?>until August :)woa that's a while >how are you doing btw?okay, just assembled lotsa furniture today rn just went to bed and I remembered a dream I had >>84831268helodw it's nice to see you're still trying to post every so often even when things aren't too hot for you>talk about my life out of myself rnyeah so I'm guessing you're not doing too well??Hope things get better for you then, stay strong!!>>84831301hello>>84831301>making money just sitting here and skimmingwoot that's free money so you're gonna be moneymaxxing today?>Whenever this shit crashesD:>>84831411hellu>Thanks for the thread! ^^oh no problemo ^^>Really good, shockinglywhaa?that's great :D hope it only gets better!! >day is finally over :Dtime for sleep ~w~>complimentaw that's sweet and I'm sure you deserved it>also made a vegan chickensounds like it's not easy>just had to in honor of the post.lol 4chan is a strange place >Today during class whenwelp happens you're still making progress!!dontcha forget it!>ignore fully negative thoughts best I can right now....?good got any distractions ready? are you watching or doing anything?>>84831469hey hey I'm alright I assembled lots ikea furniture today now I'm on beb>died so quicklyyep it usually died at that specific time when most of the world is asleep Wanna say what got you worried?
>>84831530>androidandroid>version without ads andeeh I don't care really I basically don't use it maybe like once a week at most>got YouTube ReVanced.what I do is I use brave as my browser and I get no ads anywhere it's soo great I don't get how I could stomach using the internet with ads everywhere before
>>84831560>I'm alright I assembledots ikea furniturelike what?>on bedgood night>died at that specific timeyupwanted to ask what made you inactive for few days, any new good things? only if u wanna say ofc >Wanna sayjust worried about maths and idk i relapsed badly yesterday and might do it again today
>>84831301>Just finished. Yeah idk. There's like no explanation for how or why the protag can just control herself now. It's like the Hulk suddenly being in control. It happened because it needed to for the story.I think I can probably help hereIt's just a willpower thing, for a good chunk of the show Uzi is struggling with overcoming the Absolute Solver's possession over her body. In Episode 7 she is fully possessed when the Crucifix is destroyed, and only snaps out of it from N finally reaching her (because they're both awkward dorks that like eachother but haven't admitted it yet). In Episode 8, Uzi's core is trying to burst out of her own chest from the Absolute Solver trying to take control and Uzi and N manage to comfort eachother on order to power through the Callback Pings from Cyn. One of the messages in MD is that you should accept who you are, even if you're a mega cringelord like Uzi. Uzi has a moment in the climax before the fight where she fully rejects the Abaolute Solver's attempts at control and has a "I am Cringe but I am Free" moment. And this all leads to the end where Uzi being able to overcome the Solver's control leads to her eating the black hole / singularity in Cyn's core and containing the Solver inside her - without it possessing her like with Cyn and only being able to act through her tail.
>>84831530>using SpotiFLAC Next. The free one is kinda rough, and $5 for FLAC files is MWAH.Eh, I'd just use my drive for downloaded music. YT is just for new music, videos, and podcast.>>84831560>so you're gonna be moneymaxxing today?I'm gonna wealth max until I pay off all my loses this year!
I can hear foxes outside screaming their little tails off :3
>>84831411also cute doodle!!
>>84831530>>84831411hey Lux (I'll just call you that cus I'm not sure how to say your name)Glad to hear you're doing well!>I havent made an actual meal for myself in ages. well I hope it was tasty, I'm kinda weird in that regard. I really like to cook and do it relatively often, but I almost never actually eat it. I tend to just give it to other people. >Plus eating vegetarian sometimes. I should give that a try, got any suggestions for recipes?>My little hey message kept me from feeling like a ghost, or like returning was impossible.yeah same here, I guess it's kinda strange. I've been ghosting my irl's for the entire time, but somehow posting here is still somewhat possible for me.>>84831560hey cat. glad to see ya>yeah so I'm guessing you're not doing too well??life's just fucking crazy for me honestly, even tho objectively talking i've got no reason for it and i'm just being overly dramatic. I just put myself out today with some stuff cus I genuinely didn't wanna face the day, woke up to like 50+ messages and calls from various people but I don't feel like responding to themhttps://youtu.be/NtdnQLGY2lY?si=1ij0R8MHmRjVpkJI gotta keep up the songposting somehow
>>84831592>like what?just lots of cupboard for the kitchen >good nightthank you are you getting ready to sleep?>what made you inactive for fewjust wanted to be all alone for a while>>84831592>about mathsthats the worst!! x.xyou got some exam coming up?>might do it again todaymaybye you could do something else?>>84831629>gonna wealth max until I pay off all my loses this year!damn best of luck
gonna pick up my gf in a bit and then probably go to sleepexam tomorrow (today in 11 hours or so), have barely studied, fuck, could be worse ig, lowk wanna cut but wontas i perfectly summarised the uhh above sentence, i shall go away now and return likely tomorrow or smth, hope the thread will be alive by then>pic totally unrelated but thought to share cause why not>>84830104its good that it doesnt suck you in lolits a trap>I don't get how people can tolerate this shitme neitheri dislike it for the same reasons + its spyware + alienates and makes people stupider also massive massive massive secuiryt risk if you post shit on itsaying im against people posting their photos or smth online would be hypocritical as i do it to but im careful as to what i post and know damn well if its posted it will never go away, those who post on insta post so carelessly that it literally is incomprehensible to me>>84830199heyamost of the times such thing has happened to me or my friends it was a false fllag, if it wasnt it was for the better so dw too much>>84831268heya
fuck you 4chinz IT ISNT SPAM YOU BITCH>>84831301hey cynic1k doesnt sound so bad, i mean in the grand total it does but yeah>>84831469rest well fren, hopefully it helps with the tireness>>84831530id be interested in that band too, maybe i could help with looking up their shit or translating lyrics, if needed>400$damn>you can get a version without ads instander doesnt work anymore, it was fucky as it was but it doesnt work at all nowdays>auxioauxio is an absolute banger of an app, annoying that it crashes randomly at times but its still great>>84831675nicefoxes r cute
>>84831560>sounds like it's not easyAir frier for the patty, cut up some onion. Throw them+the rest together. It's not bad, theoretically. >good got any distractions ready? are you watching or doing anything?No... Kinda on here laying in bed accepting this is the most I've done in quite a while in one day. Hoping to maybe rest up then convince myself to finish bleaching my tips to add red dye ^^; As I wrote this it seems I'm being invited to buy Diablo II Resurrected to play with my bf and the friend that visited us. Not too excited, admittedly, as it's $40 and I'm not huge on games. Plus we have the og version- but that's only local since we're using the same CD key... Idk. I guess it'll be good for me xP>>84831580>BraveI did that a lot, but the full screen and having it display over apps would constantly bug @_@>>84831629Drive works too! I'm huge on FLAC files, where do you download your music? I also want to clarify: $5 to download infinite flac files. Only one band wasn't available on any of the mirrors it scrubbed. Good for stuff I can't afford on Bandcamp yet or new music that's growing on me.>>84831680Thank you! ^^>>84831681Heya chevalier! It's a silly combo of Luxray, Raver, and Forever, since I'm huge on Luxray, Raves(moreso punk shows but eh), and wanted a quirky leetspeak esc username. > should give that a try, got any suggestions for recipes?I guess let me know what kind of non vegetarian food you like a lot? I'm (mostly) vegan, so I can offer a lot of advice. Less so cooking. Since I... Don't really do that x.x> I've been ghosting my irl's for the entire time, but somehow posting here is still somewhat possible for me.I feel you. Immensely. For me, I can just kind of yap, think, exist, and I'm ok here. Irl friends require more... Tact? It'd unfortunately be quite weird or unpleasant for me to talk like I do here. I mean. It historically *is*.
>>84831811> instanderRevanced Manager all the way> Auxio crashes randomly That's so lame!!! Mine works great? My partner can't queue things... My only issue with it is not being able to delete something from a playlist :|
I MISSED THIS SOMEHOW>>84831811> id be interested in that band too, maybe i could help with looking up their shit or translating lyrics, if neededI'll give you a compilation album I found them on after I fell in love with them in the meantime. It's called....Both Sides Suffer Heavy Losses, But We Faced An Unavoidable Conclusion by Unseen Our VoiceI wish I could find this one on CD. Considering buying a 2nd of the secret band's album if they're still available somehow. It was 2nd hand but unopened. Kinda sad I opened it, but I play it in my car all the time. Especially since I mostly use it to drive >2hrs to a destination.
>>84830199hey dude must've not seen this post.>like i know all my friends probably don't like mei don't you can say that, nor the opposite, with any sort of certainty. that's just the strange part of relationships, you can only put in your part.>a strong emotional attachment towards them, and they do make me happylook at it with a more selfserving angle then, if it makes you happy to interact with them, then do it.>>84831803hey man, hope you're having a good one.>>84832196>wanted a quirky leetspeak esc usernameah well fair enough, leetspeak was always like an ancient thing to me, but maybe i'm just being dumb.>Raves(moreso punk shows but eh), ah well fair enough, i tend to like punk shows a lot too. i'll probaly go to some soon if i can bother. raves were fun too but i never really cared too much for the music, mainly just the drugs haha.>let me know what kind of non vegetarian food you like a lot? I mainly just eat a lot of pasta, fish and other light stuff like that. >Irl friends require more... Tact? depends ig, and hell even in my friend group that's not per se required. I just can't make myself interact with these people in any sort of reasonable way without getting lost somewhere internally in my feelings and either crashing out or collapsing emotionally
back was doing stuff with family>>84831268hey and sorry that sounds quite rough, just try to enjoy everything as much as you can <3>>84831301> but are you sure that's what's happening here?with some people definitely, but with some people i think i probably just have a much stronger attachment towards them then they do me>>84831530hello>and make them feel similarly?i hope not, i always text them the second i can, i would do anything for them, and ive gone out of my way to do stuff for them >projection of your emotions about yourself?that probably is the most likely thing, i dont really see myself as special or really good in any specific way.> admitting you dislike them? defiantly not lol, i genuinely would do anything to make hem happy or anything> you feel they don't like you?they rarely text me, they only really ever talk about themselves (which im fine with but still), other private reasons> no advice I'd love to hearyeah of course, i understand just talking about it to someone does help>new perspectives or plans?maybe, my usual plans and stuff usually aren't too healthy lol>they learn how little I offer, or how much I'm faking it all. from what i've seen of you, you offer a lot and are definitely nicer then most >You always seem really sweet, and I hope to be a friend of sorts ^^i'd gladly call you a friend <3>>84831560>why?its the only day i clean so it piles up>just assembled lotsa furniture today nice, anything interesting you assembled?>remembered a dream I had Ooo may i ask what it was?>>84831803>exam tomorrowgood luck on the exam you are smart :)>most of the times such thing has happened to me or my friends it was a false fllag, if it wasnt it was for the better so dw too muchi suppose but if its true i'll get very sad cause i really do like this person and stuff
>>84832360>i don't you can say that, nor the opposite, with any sort of certainty.yea that's weirdly true, i just wish i had a magic crystal ball that would tell me if people liked me or not lol>if it makes you happy to interact with them, then do it.smart, chocking on if people actually like me in the grand scheme of things is useless, even if they do at least i had the chance to enjoy time with them instead of worrying myself forever
just a quick bump may stay up quite late dont know yet
Can I get the relief of the sense of my life fading out of my body without dying or killing myself?
ill prob go to sleep soon but if anyone needs to talk i'll probably be up >>84833643i dont think so, unless you like quit your job or do something like that but i think its just best to calm down
jutro woke up gonna go to the doctor >>84834303hey ali hellohow are you?>>84832561>ask what it was?when I get some time to write a little more now I gotta hurry ^^
>>84834678>jutrojust*
i wasted the last few night grinding war thunder, and now my sleep schedule is so bad, just now falling asleep>>84834678hey cat have fun at doctor hope it goes welland im ok, way to tired rn, how are you?>when I get some time to write a little more now I gotta hurry ^^your good, hope you have a good day <3
Posting in a little bit. Hope everyone is having a nice day and catch up soon
>>84835000trips!>grinding war thunderlol hope u at least had fun>fun at doctor thanks :]it went okay>and im ok, way to tired rn, how are you?Assembling more furniture for the kitchen >your goodI can tell you now but it'll sound a bit disjointed at first I was running around in an empty parking lot at night then some car almost run me over and stopped on a gas station around the corner, I tried going there but suddenly I was in a forest and through some branches I was an alien that looked a bit like a vort from hl2 and I got some weapons and started breathing quickly to get ready to fight it and then I woke up>hope you have a good day <3you too!!!>>84835973hellohope you're well I'm assembling more furniture
finally unstuck in Nikke after stuck 2 weeks. Things are coming up officeanon>>84824832>how are you?just more work. Is what it is I guess. Can't complain, but I think it's draining since I also just don't care about what I do either>not very muchhope things are a little better now at least>>84824943>will it get better anytime soon?it's a bit cooler this week at least. Rain and storms did some good>we gotta learn how to deal with at at some pointif we stop building everything like the only options for where to go are work or home, maybe it will solve itself. >not sure if it does at this pointtelling Asians not to promote traditional families to kids is like telling fish not to swim though either way. >>84829773I work an office tech job in the US so my stats are probably not the most normal. If I'm not spending anything on anything fun I got 4k left over I put into savings. I spend a good bit of that on unneccessary shit though, but still have some left. I like having a lot of cash on hold since I'm paranoid about trouble always>hru?drowning in work, but can't complain>>84836188i'm okay, just work is work
judt a page 8 bump so i can post later
Woke up bleeding really bad today, won't go into details, but I have no clue what caused it and guess I should see a doctor.>>84832360>ah well fair enough, leetspeak was always like an ancient thing to meI had barely caught the tail end as a child. It's nostalgic in a... Miss when I used to admire my big brother kind of way. (I don't have a big brother)> mainly just the drugs haha.Yeah... I love the people and music for both, it's right up my alley... But it's the one place I'm allowed to take substances or drink without feeling like I'll relapse.> I mainly just eat a lot of pasta, fish and other light stuff like that.If you really wanna go vegetarian. It all starts and ends at the grocery store - what you bring home is what you'll eat. Just try and avoid meat products while having enough to eat. Then you can worry about avoiding evil plant industries like avocados.> and either crashing out or collapsing emotionallyYeah. I guess I kinda mean avoiding making this their problem when I said tact. I just played a game with my bf and a friend, and got hardcore scolded + apology rejected since I was so insufferable to play with (I was deeply ignorant until he brought it up afterwards, I was having fun and was lost in that excitement, acting extremely selfish in the process)>>84832561> you (appear to) offer a lot and are definitely nicer then mostThank you, I suppose, maybe? I get how this gets conveyed, but I'm very hot and cold especially irl.>i'd gladly call you a friend <3This cheered me up some <3 love making friends even if I'm bad at giving them even a fraction of what I wish I could. > Your friends and your thoughtsI fear I'm a friend who talks about them self a lot, as I assume talking begets topics that can open another up. My partner clued me in. People like him feel shut down due to needing time and questions to think and feel invited to converse. Are you similar to him?
bump>>84837191hey heysry for not replying yesterday but I fell asleep ~w~gonna reply later>have no clue what causedhope it's nothing serious D:
>>84837736No worries! I understand fully. I don't think it anything bad. I'mma just wait and see if it keeps happening.
my life is a fucking mess lol. dunno what's going on anymore.>>84832566>i had a magic crystal ball that would tell me if people liked me or not loli think that's the type of shit that would drive someone absolutely crazy ngl.>had the chance to enjoy time with them instead of worrying myself foreveryeah exactly, enjoy it for what it's worth, not for what it's not. >>84837191>I had barely caught the tail end as a child. It's nostalgic in a... ah well fair, I think by the time I discovered it it was already ancient hah>without feeling like I'll relapse.that and just nobody would really judge you for it.>It all starts and ends at the grocery store would love to, but in this economy haha>I guess I kinda mean avoiding making this their problem when I said tact.yeah that's fair, I usually just avoid talking to them for now. no bad interactions if there are none
It's been a while since I last cut and even longer since I last contributed to this thread. I've been getting the urge more and more lately. Maybe the weather (winter for me) maybe it's because I couldn't afford my pills for a while. I really can't help but feel bad urges today. I don't know how to make them go away.I hate when my boyfriend goes out and doesn't come home at night. It triggers my abandonment issues big time. He's been doing it a lot lately. and even two nights in a row. I know he needs friends and needs to be social but I can't understand why he can't go out in the day. He's going out tonight. I feel alone and sad. He always wants me to be open, pushes for it a lot but I feel like I can't. Partly because I feel somewhat ignored and also because I don't want to be too much for him.I didn't tell him I feel like causing damage. It doesn't help anyone. He would have refused to go out if I did. He could tell something was bothering me today(the going out stuff he knows about and I've been dealing with a lot lately) and already tried to petition to stay home so I had to lie to him to make it not seem so bad so he would leave. ( I don't want him to be isolated. If going out at night is the only interaction he can have then I guess I just have to suck it up)Sorry for the rant. It feels disorganised and cringe. I just don't know what to do. I feel cold and empty and sad as well. I want to hurt myself but I promised I would never do it again. I don't want to break that. But the craving is so strong
>>84838000>Vague extra Problems>Boyfriend>Not wanting to be too much or a burden in relation to the boyfriend somehow being the biggest focal pointI feel like I'm on the receiving end of when I post but with different circumstances. It's refreshing. I also think I can give good insight since we think so similarly? I would earnestly just be direct like I did after officeanon told me men kinda need that? People are complex, yet dynamic. We carry this into and sign up for each other's brand of weird, needs, hates, when we date. If you're able to open up and express how your emotions have gone too far (no need to mention the desires til you wanna), while also expressing the needs they highlight, it's very likely a compromise can be reached. Your boyfriend sounds very caring and eager to please. I assume the leaving for nights is confirmed not cheating or drug abuse, because in your place I'd be extremely concerned. Otherwise, it seems your main hurdles are. You taking up the space your boyfriend wants to give you but overcompensates for, and ensuring your boyfriend doesn't overcompensate when you do. Especially since you'll likely be a little volatile no matter how much you prepare. Set a good time, and stick to it. Maybe even request y'all can talk at a specific time. Really ensure y'all are coming together for something sustainable as he hears out your needs and emotions. I also hope you're able to initiate him to discuss his emotions and experiences with what you're observing without adding much emotions or expectations moving forward until he's done? Maybe even ask him about what he gets up to and enjoy the stories if possible. Show him and say you want him to continue getting (what he needs), while you're also able to (get what you need). At the end of the day. You know him the best, y'all know the situation best. How I presented going about this would. Very likely. Not. Work between me and my boyfriend...?You'll be ok, but you gotta communicate.
>>84837987>would love to, but in this economy hahaHmm? I cut my monthly budget by quite a bit moving to groceries, and then a little more when I went vegan - since I don't buy the expensive fluff I don't really need. (I eat the same stuff over and over. I'm kinda just in it for calories and nutrients. But I can see how others pay more to go vegan. Chasing flavors and variety. Vegetarian tho? Idk seems cheapest.)>yeah that's fair, I usually just avoid talking to them for now. no bad interactions if there are noneTruth nuke. I know this is like. An unhealthy way to think and I really want to refute it. Like. Sure, but it also stops positive interactions. I also think radio silence is its own form of negative interaction. I'm not sure though. I've kinda just begun admitting to people who message me "I am doing really bad lately and don't have it in me, sorry" explaining a little, then fucking off. My closest friends get more details and I chitchat a little before saying I'll let them know when I'm doing better and will keep them in mind to ensure I do reach out. Since... It gives me more "purpose"? I hope you've got that kinda people in your life so maybe it can give you a - what's the Simpsons image? "do it for her"? - thought.
>>84838000heya>It's been a while since I last cut and even longer since I last contributed to this thread. well anyways I'm still glad to see ya, welcome back.>I don't know how to make them go away.this might be fully outta left field so feel free to disregard, but in the past something that helped me was to just sit and feel. not something I can do right now but it did help me in the past sometimes, it makes it clear that while sometimes hard to feel usually, these things aren't obligations. you don't per se have to, it can make it feel like a choice you can say no to again.>I didn't tell him I feel like causing damage. I don't think I agree with that, It's causing damage to you and that's worth something too. Try talking to him about it, even if that's difficult. It might not fix it instantly but might add some sort of clarity to the situation for both of you. >>84838588>since I don't buy the expensive fluff I don't really need. ah well i'm quite picky with what I eat so that might be why. I remember cooking vegetarian once and it did cost quite a bit more, but maybe if I cut out some of the ingredients it won't be too bad.>An unhealthy way to think and I really want to refute it. I know it is don't worry, It's a form of self harm in a way. I'm not having preconceived notions about that. >admitting to people who message me I think earlier on it was easier to play it off as something else, but rn I just tell people to leave me alone just ignoring them. Guess I shouldn't be suprised if I have no friends at the end of this all, I'm not exactly a positive addition to anyone's life anyways.>you've got that kinda people in your life so maybe it can give you a - what's the Simpsons image? "do it for her"? - thought.I do, but I'm probably just too selfish for that. I can't do it for myself, let alone for them. Ig somewhere I do kinda hope they stop caring, atleast that would make me right in the end. It doesn't matter anyways, I've fucked up seriously
>>84838843>Ig somewhere I do kinda hope they stop caring, atleast that would make me right in the end. It doesn't matter anyways, I've fucked up seriously.Oh man do I wish I could tell you some of the horrific shit I have seen be forgiven and work out. The shit I've forgiven. People can grow. People can forgive. Worst case, you'll always be able to grow and meet new people when you're ready. I believe in you to do so and use this suffering and self-hate for good within yourself. Sometimes... isolation helps, and in your state forcing interaction probably won't, but as soon as you're ready please reach out. Thanks for letting me be an ear. These thoughts are very heavy. I know how they plague even the best case scenarios when engaging with others. > I'm not exactly a positive addition to anyone's life anyways.Not really for you to decide, sadly. Getting to respond to you right now is helping me distract myself from my own mental messes. I'm not *happy* you're struggling, but I'm saying. Even when you're struggling, people can see you as a positive addition to their life. Plus, seeing someone contemplate limiting their meat because of me... It brings me so much... I can't identify this emotion.>I'm probably just too selfish for that.I call myself selfish for taking up a lot of space when trying to rationalize and talk through an experience, my thoughts, and or regulate my emotions. Meanwhile you're saying your selfish for...? Wanting space and to eventually stop being cared about (actively) [they're not going to *stop* caring if they already do. They're just gonna wait for you to let you help them first, since sometimes that's all you can do] so you can be right and have an excuse to leave everything behind? I mean. I get it. I have the same exact thoughts. It's just so weird how I consider this behavior "selfless" as I conceive of myself as so broken and a burden. A farce to soon disappoint. Leaving is a gift... Weird... I gotta think about this xp
>>84839189They're just gonna wait for you to let them* help you* first, since sometimes that's all one* can do.>>84838843I also need to get better at asking questions instead of assuming like. People will talk if they want. Uhm... You don't have to respond of course but if you want to talk about what you did that's so bad? Unfortunately this may be my last post for the day, but. It's been pleasant :3
Another day down. Ready for the weekend but know that's still a few days away so here's hoping next 3 days go fast!>>84837191hi Luxr!>guess I should see a doctor.if whatever it is happens again, definitely would prioritize doing so if you can. Always better to go and turn out to be nothing than put off too long> really wanna go vegetarian.I've went through phased of wanting to do this myself because I genuinely don't like killing things in general, but seems incredibly difficult for someone who weight lifts seriously to do easily sadly. Lest I consume nothing but shakes.>>84837736hope you're having a good day cat>>84837987hey chev, don't know what's going on, but sorry you're having times again. hang in there man
feeling very tirer because of all the furniture assembling -w-how are you guys enjoying ur evening I might sleep early
>>84839189>but as soon as you're ready please reach out. I think earlier on it was easier to sorta talk about it in my own sense of how it was. I didn't per se make me feel any better or give me any magical insights or whatever. Right now there's just really isn't anything left to say, but I can't even function casually without these thoughts blaring like a fucking siren constantly. Probably a complicated way of saying I can't distract myself, but also can't face it head on either.>Thanks for letting me be an ear. I'm thankful that you're willing to listen too, I know how incoherent it must seem.>but I'm saying. Even when you're struggling, people can see you as a positive addition to their life. I know people irl appreciate me atleast, but it just doesn't really compute in my brain to something tangible. People explicitely told me to keep them inform, and yet I can't make myself rely on them even a little bit.>someone contemplate limiting their meat because of me... I think i've always had moral objections to my own consumption of meat (kinda why I mainly eat fish now, idk if that's any better tho). Hearing you talk about it made it a more approachable subject for myself, so thank you!>you can be right and have an excuse to leave everything behind? I mean it does kinda seem crazy, but in my eyes that's probably the best case scenario. I'm kinda a massive guy for perceived debt, and in my head I've already racked up a gigantic one. I guess I see death as a kind of bail out for that, but then again I'm religious. That'll land me in hell.>They're just gonna wait for you to let you help them firstI guess that makes sense, sorry I wanted to say something regarding that but it doesn't make sense in my head.>I consider this behavior "selfless" as I conceive of myself as so broken and a burdenI don't think it's selfless or harmless, someone is getting hurt.
>>84839269>You don't have to respond of course but if you want to talk about what you did that's so bad?I think for me personally that's probably the dumbest part. on a factual basis I know exactly what happened, but emotionally it's just so multilayered I can't make sense of anything, and that rooted further to my entire being and life. maybe that's just an age thing, people tell me that quite a lot, but somehow I doubt someone who's like 25 or 30 could handle this any better. I think the clearest I can say is that an ex girlfriend took her own life last week wednesday, but then that explains nothing for me personally. Like yeah that's bad and not fun, but I've went through grief a lot and it never hit me this hard. I had a very strange kind of relationship with this person while we were together, but that's incredibly difficult to explain clearly, even to myself. I wouldn't even say what I feel is grief either, very strange ig.>Unfortunately this may be my last post for the day, but. It's been pleasant :3Likewise, hope you have a good night!>>84839293hey dude>don't know what's going onnot sure I do either.>hang in there manI'm trying, going well so far>>84839374hey and goodnight cat!
>>84829773>you can just paste the link in your browser and watch it there!ah, true. i was on the screen that tries to force me into the app and missed the x that lets me go to the webversion. silly me. >wassup yuanonnot much, just work. had two busy days. you?>>84831301>I switched from spotify to YT recently. It's weird that the app is seperate at all.i'm just listening to stuff on youtube directly and am one of the 3 fossils who still uses itunes. i like to be able to have access to the files.>Every day either The CEO says a lie in an interview that's just what a ceo does, isn't it? when does anything one of those guys says not turn out to be complete hogwash? still good to see that people call him out on that.>or someone goes back to an old lie and reviews the legality of it.this is probably the only way they can put enough pressure on after reckless ben is getting sued. more people have to cover it than they can drag to court.>It happened because it needed to for the story.i can live with a certain amount of plotpoints happening so we can have a story, but the more i think about it, the more i'm convinced i didn't pay any attention at all and just used the show to distract myself from thinking. like i've watched the whole thing and already forget the connections between the characters. i need to watch some kind of recap.>>84831482>guess you slept later did you sleep well?i'm in one of those episodes where i can sleep a much as i want and still not feel rested. sucks, but what can you do? guess i'm just gonna try again today. :p>also why were you tired?work and then i rushed home to play bg3 multiplayer with friends and brother. playing that game in multiplayer is exhausting and frustrates me quite badly at times. today i just had a very long day at work.>there is a book i want to read but idk where to find it in my countrysorry to hear. what book is it? i know it's not the same, but maybe you could buy an e-book version of it?
>>84831530>Hoping to catch yuanontook me a while, but here i am. :> not sure how long i'll be able to keep my eyes open, though. (~.~)>>84836257>finally unstuck in Nikke after stuck 2 weeks.why were you stuck?>Rain and storms did some goodenjoy it while lasts. here it's getting hot again.>if we stop building everything like the only options for where to go are work or home, maybe it will solve itself.that's just hippie-nonsense talk for freedom haters! we need to sells cars, so everything between work and home needs to be street! >:[>telling Asians not to promote traditional families to kids is like telling fish not to swim though either way.not like it isn't something to aspire to, but if you don't have a lot of relatives as a support network in the first place, having a family of is just not something people outside of that will be able to afford. also forcing it on kids can have quite the opposite effect. my friend's girlfriend's parents are taiwanese and she absolutely despises her family and refuses to have kids.>>84839293>Ready for the weekendi know how well i'm doing when i want to tell customers "have a nice weekend" on a tuesday...>>84839374sleep tight if you already went to bed
>>84839433>not sure I do either.anything you can or want to talk about? always can here or anyone on discord if you need to>going well so fargood to hear>>84839888>why were you stuck?it's just how leveling works. Your squad has to be leveled up with resources that you can only get so much of per day really. Contrary to what people think with gacha, you actually cannot even pay to progress the way people would think you would in these games for this one, so kinda have to make most of what upgrade materials you get from daily missions. I encountered a boss that required me re-arranging and upgrading a squad member I wasn't using before so that required time and investing in level that one up so I had a team that could clear the level to continue in the campaign.> everything between work and home needs to be street!it's okay to have other buildings, but only if they are those takeaway stores with no seating and order kiosks with no human interaction except for the brief moment they slide your food across. >forcing it on kids can have quite the opposite effectthat's all of traditional asian society in a nutshell. Very forceful about maintaining traditional things and causing resentment as a side effect. > when i want to tell customers "have a nice weekend" on a tuesdayin truth though, you probably won't see the customer again that week so it could work... xD but I hear you as well. For me it's just the volume of what I'm doing is draining even if I don't think the work has been that bad.
>>84840452I really wanna talk but idk. I guess all I can say rn is I hope she's in a better place now.
bump I'll reply later when I'm not exhausted
>>84839726>like i've watched the whole thing and already forget the connections between the characters.I wouldn't bother. it's robots in highschool. the murder is irrelvant to everyone.>that's just what a ceo does, isn't it?I mean, he lied even when the truth would've been a good point. He could've said Ben sued the wrong LLC, instead he said there was never any court papers and it's defamation. Simply because he wanted to lie about why the store closed. He lied about the U-Haul truck transporting the legos to another store. Even though that's the perfect fall guy. It's like an addiction.> i like to be able to have access to the files.i think the only reason I didn't keep using itunes was because i kept the files natively. I never had an ipod, just a zoom if anyone remembers it.>this is probably the only way they can put enough pressure on after reckless ben is getting sued.I just wanna see a lawyer grill this guy on the stand for hours. there are just so many lies.>>84831611>One of the messages in MD is that you should accept who you are, even if you're a mega cringelord like Uzi. Uzi has a moment in the climax before the fight where she fully rejects the Abaolute Solver's attempts at control and has a "I am Cringe but I am Free" moment. I like the message, I think my mine just goes to hard logic mode with robots or something.>>84832196>where do you download your music? I also want to clarify: $5 to download infinite flac files. Only one band wasn't available on any of the mirrors it scrubbed. Good for stuff I can't afford on Bandcamp yet or new music that's growing on me.I just burn cds and use pirate's bay if it's too difficult. Only works for classics, not independants who only post online though.
today was weird, went to a movie theater saw disclosure day, was a decent movie. was so exhausted when i got home tho. and now i just feel sad, for some reason i just really hate my body rn :p but now im just gonna play war thunder in a skirt till like 4 am>>84836188dubs !>lol hope u at least had funsometimes its fun lol>Assembling more furniture for the kitchen your becoming a construction worker at this rate lol> bit disjointed sounds cool, having a dream where you're the alien sounds fun, i dont think ive ever been anything but human in my dreams>>84837191> but I'm very hot and cold especially irl.well we can all be like that now and then, we wouldn't be human if we were always the same, no matter what you seem like a very caring person>This cheered me up some <3 im so glad <3333> love making friends even if I'm bad at giving them even a fraction of what I wish I could. same x3 but you offer plenty just by being you and talking>I fear I'm a friend who talks about them self a loti think that's a good thing honesty, i love hearing about other people and it makes me know there comfortable talking about themselves to me>Are you similar to him?yeah i would say so, if someone dosent ask questions or care to see how my day was i just assume they dont care too.and hope your okay with the random bleeding :(>>84837987>my life is a fucking mess lol. dunno what's going on anymore.hopefully you feel better soon, feeling shitty for too long sucks, but i can say things do get better even if just slightly.>i think that's the type of shit that would drive someone absolutely crazy nglit would, its fake to the human condition, butt still feels like i need it>not for what it's not. yea, that's the biggest mistake i make a lot, only looking at the negatives in life will always end up hurting
>>84829711just relapsed because i reverse image searched myself on yandex. fuck my ugly chud life
BUMKP AHAJDHAGFJKSAGFJHSVHGSVCGHSEFVCGHEASFFVGHVFGHWFGHWEFG
Good morrnig everyone !!how are you today? I might go on a bike ride tomorrow :333 but a small onemaybe I'll go on larger one tomorrow
>>84842868thank for bump, bump
I think we're done with the furniture, tired me out
I did a real bad today. I think I gotta call the ward again tomorrow.
>>84846007hey anon what happened??yeah maybe it's a good ideaso you have to pay for a ward visit?
>>84846081>hey anon what happened??Lets call it a panic attack combined with blades, surgical tape, and bandages>so you have to pay for a ward visit?First 9 days per calendar year yes. It's 50e per day. After that it's "tax financed".
i have the really really strong urge to do something very financially irresponsible but with my lack of a job i just cant yet, ill end up buying that camaro sooner or later but i just cant get to it yet>>84832209>Revanced Managerhavent heard of that>not being able to delete something from a playlist yeah thats annoying as hell but oh well what can one do, the dev does it as a side project iirc so yeah>>84832248never heard of them before, seems interesting>>84832360im alrwassup>>84832561>but if its true i'll get very sad cause i really do like this person and stuffa door closes and another one opens the saying goesi understand what you mean but youve gotta remember its not all doom and gloom :D>>84835000whats ur highest br nowdays?
fuck you and your spam filter>>84836257i mean the US is kind of expensive, if you get injured youll get in debt immideatly seems like from the outside looking in so being a bit paranoid isnt a bad thing xdi hope work calms down a bit>>84837191happens to me a few times, i get nosebleeds without realising and end up destroying my sheetsis the drawing yours?>>84838000im by no means an expert but i dont believe something that is actively hurting you for one reason or another should be a problem thats causing damage to your partner, more so a problem that needs to be if not fixed, improved ideally by the help of both people as 2 is better than 1dw about ranting fren>>84839726im just fine, exams are near over so i can finally live guilt free>>84841665wt in a skirtlolaverage wt player
cant have more than 5 >> seems likethanks 4chins>>84846108>It's 50e per dayhellit sucks that shits like thisfucking greedy cunts
I felt tired and sleepy and drained but I went on a little bikeride and I'm feeling better :D>call it a panic attack combined..sounds like serious business >First 9 days per calendar year yehow many days do think you'll need?if you go hopefully it helps!>>84846873>urge to do something very financially irresponsibledoonntt!!!alao hello o/>>84842215I don't know what that implies but at least you know what to not do anymore also patch yourself up anon>>84841665hey>just feel sadman, sucks how it just gets ya at random>hate my body rnwhy? if it's okay to ask?>where you're the alienaaa I mistyped, I mean "there was an alies" I wasn't the alien x3
>>84846981>>84846108whops accidentally didn't (you) you
>>84846919>>84846990I've already been over a month this year so the rest of the days I'm paying with my tax bux I guess. I've been there so long for "protection" already and it just keeps me safe for a couple of days I dont know what the point would be to go back.
war thunder time :)>>84845602good job sounds very exhausting>>84846873>, ill end up buying that camaro sooner or later but i just cant get to it yetyeah best to wait till you can afford it, then you can but all the tanks and planes you could ever want lol> gotta remember its not all doom and gloom :Dhard thing to remember for me, i always think what could have been and the past>whats ur highest br nowdays?currently 3.7 on this account. but probably will get to 5.0 if i grind enoghe today. i do mainly just play bombers so its never too hard>>84846912>wt in a skirtif your not playing in a skirt and thigh highs your not playing it right :3>>84846981>went on a little bikeride and I'm feeling better :Dbikeride makes all things better> sucks how it just gets ya at randomyeah but im ok now weirdly lol>why? if it's okay to ask?there's a few reasons, some i would never say publicly lol. but a big one is just my skin, it just looks bad, dont know how to describe it> I wasn't the alien x3oh lol, that'd would have been awesome if you were
goin thru a crazy difficult crisis rn just wanted to drop in n say hi @w@
>>84847658heyo>crazy difficult crisisdamn sorry its happening to uHopefully it's over soonhow are you handling it?
>>84848356heyo>Hopefully it's over sooni hope so too>how are you handling it?unhealthy amount of cigarettes >:3
>>84847105>paying with my tax bux I guessoh that's nice thenso I guess you lose nothing by going there>>84847197have fun gaming>very exhaustinga little but it's okay >makes all things betteryep ^^>im ok now weirdly lolglad to hear that >would never say publicly ok keep your secrets > just my skin, it just looks badvan you do something about it?>would have been awesome if you wereye but I don't think I could even imagine how that would feelI've had some strange dreams but I always was a human in them
>>84848398>hope so tooare you at least fairly stable feeling? what are you doing rn?>unhealthy amount of cigarettes >:3500 cigarettes D:
>>84848433>are you at least fairly stable feeling? kinda? dunno->what are you doing rn?just got done showering, laying in bed rn. maybs gonna play some more tarkov or persona 4 later >500 cigarettes D:pfffff-one more cig and i hit 50 today. hehehe >:3c
>>84848466>kinda? dunno-hm you're not panicking and freaking out so ig you're stable-ish>done showering, laying in bed rnmaybe a bit ir chillaxing will make you feel better >persona 4aa persona, I wanna play one of thise games one day but can't motivate myself to>more cig and i hit 50 today. hehehe >:3cgaah you're more cigarette than human at this point !
>>84848534>aa persona, I wanna play one of thise games one day but can't motivate myself todo it. do it. do it. do it. do it. ill force u if i have to. youre missing out on the greatest games ever. do it. do it. >:3>gaah you're more cigarette than human at this point !theres no blood in me. only nicotine! (and a shit ton of tar....)
>>84840452>Contrary to what people think with gacha, you actually cannot even pay to progress the way people would think you would in these games for this onei guess that's a good thing? weirdly enough, a lot of these gacha companies try to use their whaling money to fund actual games after they established a steady income from those. definitely the opposite of western devs that completely ruin their companies in chase of a live service game that sticks.>I encountered a boss that required me re-arranging and upgrading a squad member I wasn't using beforeat least they know how to maximise your engagement with the game. ^^>it's okay to have other buildings, but only if they are those takeaway stores with no seating and order kiosks with no human interaction except for the brief moment they slide your food across.ugh. human interaction. can't we just have fully automated drive thrus instead?>Very forceful about maintaining traditional things and causing resentment as a side effect.guess you have that everywhere with whatever. everyone tries to force their values on everyone else and it produces resentment all around. just today i had two women come up to my counter to ask me if i want to hear about the bible. yes. i want nothing more while i'm slaving away at my shitty wagie job than to listen to your endless drivel.>you probably won't see the customer again that week so it could workwe mostly sell drugs and gambling, so we see a lot of people multiple times a week if not multiple times a day. but yeah, it might work for some of them. ^^>it's just the volume of what I'm doing is draining even if I don't think the work has been that bad.i feel you. boss is away until next thursday. workload til then will be brutal. will it get better for you anytime soon?
>>84848568>ill force u if i have to.aaa I wanna but I'm so lazyy and the games are soo looongg xwx >only nicotine! (and a shit ton of tar....)D;>>84848591hey yuanon waddupp??
>>84841085>the murder is irrelvant to everyone.the arbitrary killing of background characters is something that bothered me a bit. i mean, i guess it's there to highlight that these are basically robots that play pretend, but it just tells me that i don't really need to care about the characters if anyone can just die and it doesn't really matter any of the other robots. it just strikes me as odd.>It's like an addiction.i guess in a way it is. might actually be pathological. this is the kind of guy you can just hand a shovel and he'll gladly dig his own grave.>I never had an ipod, just a zoom if anyone remembers it.i did have one, but i killed it by dowsing it in ice-tea. that was not a good day. don't think i ever heard of a zoom, though. got a pic?>I just wanna see a lawyer grill this guy on the stand for hours. there are just so many lies.would be fun. maybe we'll get that in the end.>>84846873>strong urge to do something very financially irresponsiblehow irresponsible we talking about?>>84846912>exams are near over so i can finally live guilt freewell done, dude. time to enjoy yourself a little. :]>>84847658hey yvki! what's going on with you?>>84848754hi catbro! :D>waddupp??not much. works been driving me crazy, but what else is new, right? boss is on vacation again, soa coworker and i have to make up for it somehow. not going well so far. when i get home i sit down, look up, two hours a gone and then i just go to bed because i don't feel like doing anything else. what about you? you done with building furniture?
>>84848910>hey yvki! what's going on with you?heyooo, been dealin with a looooot of trauma :3 wbu wbu?
i need to watch one of u sad cutter boys cut and cry. it would be so cute. id do my best to make u cry with my abuse then id comfort u.
watched bumer/bimmer 2003, a russian crime film featuring a bmw 750 e38, that car has some AURA damn>>84847197>but all the tanks and planes you could ever wanttheres many premiums id like to play w/ but ill be caught dead before spending money on war thunder, im not going to reward gaijin for their predatory and greedy tactics w/ hard earned moneyby camaro i mean the chevrolet camaro, a real life car>always think what could have been thats a big thought desu, theres many things that could be, too many to count, but all of your decisions good or bad led you here right now, its easy to think (at least for me) how things could have gone better but so easy to forget how things could have gone catastrophically wrongi as i am right now im perfectly contempt and happy w/ what eventually became as at the moment im alive and happy enough with my life>probably will get to 5.0 if i grind enoghesounds like a lot of grindingwith bombers it must be incredibly boring tooi could never>>84847105good luck w/ it anon>>84848910>how irresponsible we talking about?incredibly.i wanna spend (at most) 4.500 euro on either a 1987 chevrolet camaro or the same ammount on a 1989 chevrolet camaro, which to begin with is money i barely have, id need another 160 euro to get it on my (or someone elses name with a job), id also need money for the 15L/100km fuel efficiency, so about 35 euro per that distance on a good day also pay for insurance (NOT cheap), government tax of about 820 euro yearly (if im lucky) due to the engine being 2.8L and the gov't not liking bigger engines AND on top of that any possible repairs which WONT be ANYWHERE near cheap due to the rareness of the spares for the specific carBUT i have the money enough to just buy it and drive it around for a few hundrend kilometres AND LOOK COOL AS FUCK at the same timeand then be stuck w/ it (not that id be complaining, would just suck htough)yapyapyapbasically buy an expensive asf car with money i barely have
>>84848910>boss is on vacationgrrr when will it be time for you to go on vacation?>don't feel like doing anything elseman it's not your fault, it's that dang work >ou done with building furniture?yep today we finished I'm in bed rn watching horror games
>>84848981>been dealin with a looooot of trauma :3damn. wanna talk about how your day went or leave it at that?>wbu wbu?nothing out of the ordinary. just work. though today was a wild ride. had to deal with and indian guy who ordered something from india, but the delivery guy just said "can't be delivered" for some reason and marked to as "return to sender". that guy came to my shop to pester me about his parcel four times, even though there's nothing i can do about it and i explained that to him in minute detail several times. love it when i have to play customer support for people who don't want ti accept what i'm telling them. looking forward for that circus to start all over again tomorrow.>>84849141>basically buy an expensive asf car with money i barely havefriend of mine also thought about getting a porsche 911 when he was younger, but he ran into the same problems as you are now. these cars are not that expensive to buy, but the recurring costs make them impossible to maintain on a budget. :/ isn't there a more reasonable car that you could invest your time and money in? >>84849146>when will it be time for you to go on vacation?i don't know. i want to spend a weekend in hamburg next month. maybe i can get a week or two off around that time. we'll see.>it's not your fault, it's that dang worknot like i'm much different without work, but i'll just agree with you on this. :p>yep today we finishedgood job. any more work around the house in the near future?>I'm in bed rn watching horror gamesanything good? don't have much to put on rn.
>>84849346>wanna talk about how your day went or leave it at that?well, i skipped like 90% of school, went home and cried. thats all ig. and i got mad psychosis from tarkov cuz that game pisses me off (i still love it)>indian man bitchin aroundgosh qwq sounds stupid af. some people just dont wanna accept things...
Hello everyone. I've been through the ringer this last week or so but I'm alright now, minus my sleep schedule getting even worse. Hope you're all doing well.I don't care for sport but I found a very comfy football channel on YouTube that goes on trips pretty often. It reminds me a lot of the old Top Gear specials and it helped me get through the worst of it.
>>84849346>the recurring costs make them impossible to maintain on a budgetexactly which is why i called it an incredibly irresponsible financial decision>isn't there a more reasonable car that you could invest your time and money in? i mean, of course there are but the better question is do i wanna be reasonable?xdi really want a bmw e30/e34 even though they arent the best first carsa camaro would just be an incredibly cool first car to have, good dad lore as the kids would call iti like to entertain the thought of getting one even though i most definitely shouldnteventually ill see the car in my sleep lolif i do shockingly well on the next exam period ill probably convince myself to actually buy it somehow but that will depend on me and my inability to function properly regarding exams and studying
>>84849432>i skipped like 90% of school, went home and cried. thats all ig.sounds like a day to forget about. good thing it's almost over. maybe tomorrow will be better.>i got mad psychosis from tarkov cuz that game pisses me off (i still love it)even if you do, maybe you should consider dropping it. i liked mobas, but my video game induced rage moments reduced by about 80% by not playing them. haven't looked back since i stopped playing.>some people just dont wanna accept things...and some people just come in to complain, even though they know we have nothing to do with it. honestly, most people just come in, get what they want and leave without a fuss, but it's the few that don't that make jobs like these so draining.>>84849448hi dinon!>I've been through the ringer this last week or soseems to be a thing for most of us for some reason. sorry it got you, too. :[>my sleep schedule getting even worsecan relate. at least i can sleep in moste, but that doesn't seem to help much.>I found a very comfy football channel on YouTube that goes on trips pretty often.sounds fun. got a link?>>84849584>which is why i called it an incredibly irresponsible financial decisionit seems you are (sadly) correct in your assessment of the situation. bummer.>do i wanna be reasonable?can't always make the boring choices, but don't be mad if you get everything you listed above.>eventually ill see the car in my sleep lolat least you have something you like that much. gives you something to work towards.>if i do shockingly well on the next exam period ill probably convince myself to actually buy itgood luck with those exams and studies then.i'll call it a day now. good night.
>>84848416>van you do something about it?maybe, but wont be easy or cheap>I've had some strange dreams but I always was a human in themyea i guess being something else, non human, must feel weird in every way>>84849141>a real life carthat makes a lot more sense then, i thought camaro sounded familiar ^^, but a car isnt a irresponsible thing to get if you need one>gone catastrophically wrongwhen i look at my life i always think what could have gone worse but there is always worse things that could happen or unfold that i would never have imagined.>im perfectly contempt and happy w/ what eventually became as at the moment im alive and happy enough with my lifethat's good and as much as anyone could really strive for, not feeling the need, the chase to be happier to not dislike where you are but to enjoy it>with bombers it must be incredibly boring toothey are boring but to me the satisfaction of getting to where you need, avoiding getting shot down, and then just bombing everything you need and single handedly winning the game, just is such a rush>>84849448sorry things haven't been well>found a very comfy football channel on YouTube that goes on trips pretty oftenthat does sound quite lovely, watching people go on trips and talk about/do stuff there passionate about is always good, thats what made top gear so good at least to me
>>84849719>seems to be a thing for most of us for some reasonIt seems like trouble always comes in threes, or maybe more than that by the sound of it...>can relateWe'll get it back on track some day. I hope.>sounds fun. got a link?There's a pretty long China video. That's the one that got me hooked.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuo_imMNFLk>i'll call it a day now. good night.Have a good snooze, yuanon!>>84849795>sorry things haven't been wellCan't win 'em all. Bad days (or weeks) are part of life so it was bound to happen eventually.>thats what made top gear so good at least to meI never cared much for the cars (and to be honest most of the regular episodes) but seeing them travel together was thoroughly enjoyable because it felt very sincere. Their friendship was infectious too and I got quite emotional over the last special they did a couple of years back.
>>84849871>part of life true, all we can do is make the most of the bad days>very sincere. not a lot of shows are like that as much anymore, just real friends, getting up too random Hi-jinks. shows built on people and personalities will always stick with people and be so much more meaningful.> quite emotional over the last special they did a couple of years back.i can imagine a lot of people did, really was a great one of a kind show
Had a big day today and didn't sleep much. Went to the therapist, had some nice long chats afterwards since I started finding what I needed to help myself. Finally in a good headspace. I'm genuinely shocked how much this board has helped. I earnestly appreciate you all far more than I know you reading this will accept. I still have my battles, sure, but... I'm finally feeling able to start... Showing up to fight them for myself?>>84839888Oh my gosh ok wait I'm so excited!!! It's goodluckwiththebombs!!! Ghost tree (dead girl's only alibi) however it's formatted is my favorite, but!!! I highly encourage listening to the whole album in one go, really letting your thoughts progress with or be drowned out by the album. It's immensely helpful when meditating through some rough thoughts when I feel stuck and too self-loathing.
X.x forgot my user, like always. Gives me an excuse to send another doodle I made.
>>84850220>>84850239your drawing are so good !!!>started finding what I needed to help myself.helping yourself is always good and can actually be super rewarding and always feels great> how much this board has helpedthe people here really are amazing
i love loud asf music while gaminmg bump btw
>>84848416>oh that's nice then>so I guess you lose nothing by going thereMonetarily, no. But it sucks being there.>>84849141Thanks
I hope things get better you cutter anons. Don't cut yourselves.
>>84851895hey what's ur name real quick
hey guys sry for not replying last night I fell asleep I had some annoying dreams but it's okay I probably will go on a bikeride today Do you have any plans?
>>84846912>US is kind of expensiveDepends on many things. If you don't have insurance that's true, and a lot of people have shitty insurance. but if you have a corporate office job you almost always have semi decent insurance as well. Insurance can be tricky and has issues as well (which is part of why things look bad), but if you're making good money, you're not worried about that as much. This does hit on one thing though... The US is a very good place for people who want to gamble on getting absurdly rich, but a very bad place for a regular person who wants to try to live a kinda good life since the survival of the fittest cutthroat bullshit the baby boomers cultivated while growing up in a period of absurd prosperity after WWII that no generation will ever see again>>84848591>i guess that's a good thing? Most gacha games you can play and have a full experience without spending money I feel. You only need to spend money if you're obsessed with having everything unlocked right away or chasing the desire to be top of leaderboards (because x new character is good against this new boss raid), which at that point you're not playing a game you're just being one of those numbers people who don't actually enjoy anything.>to fund actual gamesto be fair, there are a lot of "actual games" that are much worse games than these free to play Gacha games, but I know what you mean. Shift Up made Stellar Blade after Nikke.>can't we just have fully automated drive thrus instead?once the robots get good enough! can't have that kid with no degree thinking he deserves a 15 dollar an hour job that still can't pay for an basic essentials! That's far too much money to pay anyone>ask me if i want to hear about the bible.I literally never understand why they do this in western countries where Christianity is the predominant religion since forever now... >will it get better for you anytime soon?probably not, but it's not the worst thing. good luck surviving your workload
seems like my mouse is slowly becoming broken>>84831694>you got some exam coming up?yephru cat?>>84839726>where i can sleep a much as i want and still not feel restedD:sorry dudeyou still feeling tired today?>i'm just gonna try again todayhope you managed to rest back then. hope you can today too :D>work and then rushed homeaha how many hours is your shift?>today i just had a very long day at work.sucks :[>what book is it?you see i haven't read the book yet so i don't wanna share it and accidentally cause some harm to some random anonmaybe weird but i can explain why's that.but it's from an american author and that's what i can say xD>e-book version of it?the thing is i was not trying to get the "book", i was trying to get a specific version of it, then it turned out that the version didn't even exist and i had been misled. lol>>84852574>bikeridehave fun!>>84853274how are you officeanon?
>>84850135>all we can do is make the most of the bad daysIndeed. Thankfully there seems to be a lot of YouTube things that calm me down.>shows built on people and personalities will always stick with people and be so much more meaningfulI think this is true even for fiction. It's probably a big reason why I enjoyed watching Community as much as I did.>really was a great one of a kind showAt least it lasted as long as it did. It's hard not to get attached to people who you see on TV for some-20 years.
i get these "wow months passed really quickly" moments sometimes, i think it's happening more recently. every once in a while i understand new things, the need to stay alone and free in my room is still there, but i have to finish the work either way.like today something bad happened to me because i was anxious and it made me feel embarrassed as fuck. during that time i was thinking that i'm gonna cut so deeply once i'm home, but a few hours were enough to make me feel a bit stable again.i hope i can get as pure as i thought i was in the pastidk if what i said was understandable, i just wanted to share some of the weird things i think about.
>>84854002hey rm>seems like my mouse is slowly becoming brokenoh no why? just see it less responsive?>how are you officeanon?i'm good. Little stir crazy but could be worse. How are you?>>84854024hey discanon, how's it going?
>>84854240that's not the first time i thought about it but, old me was able to do things that could've made me happy at the time and proud today. instead, i spent my time either being anxious and sad or doing stupid unnecessary things. i don't have the chance to redo things.2-3 years ago i used to have dumb thoughts that slightly sugarcoat my regret by saying "those things i regret doing made me develop and become better" and perhaps i actually managed to develop at some point before i fell again but i don't think anyone should underestimate mistakes and say it's the "only reason" why they developed.because now, i regret every mistake i do these days and i wish old me was like that, so maybe i could've avoided many issues i have now.
>>84854319>oh no why?idk really i can't recall any reason>just see it les responsive?i can move it just fine as well as the buttonsbut the scroll wheel is less responsive>Little stir crazy but could be worsecuz of the work?also are you chilling right now?>How are you?i'm finehad a kind of long day (even though it's not over yet) but i'm fine
im waiting for my cannabis to come in a week its the only thing that makes the anxiety go awayhow do yall cope any advice is appreciatedive tried going out, socializing, overworking, talking to people, going to therapy, gaming and musiceverything works in small doses only, but the underlying feeling of doom remains, i never feel calm. i almost get a head rush just thinking about it>>84850220>>84850239cute doodles anon
Didn't call the ward, but called the psych department at the hospital. Got some new prescriptions. A mood stabilizer and some as-needed anxiety med. Hopefully yesterday wont happen again.T. >>84846007
just came back from them bikerideit was short but fun>>84851895thank you anon!!
>>84854664good job anon how was the weather
>>84839397> can't distract or face it head onThis is when I lay down with music in a dark room until I can rationalize and guide myself like a parent helping an extremely intelligent toddler deal with adult emotions. Not forcing a new perspective per se, but... Guiding myself into one through compassion.> I know people irl appreciate me atleastEven if it can't compute, I'm glad you're at least acknowledging the reality now. Gaslighting yourself because it seems easier than the dissonance of feelings and reality will only dig you deeper.> FishAnything is something. I typically advise just working in the thought "could I see myself eating a non-meat meal right now instead?" But I personally just had to make myself starve for two weeks until I finally fell into a diet through sheer force. I hate cold turkeying anything but this was my exception... The dissonance was eating me alive and I begun crying or feeling extremely sick eating meat.> perceived debtDebt ain't real even when the collectors come. One of my most toxic traits is. I will have a mental itemized list of every penny spent on each other and such. I'll never debt collect tho, or let relationships become transactional. I wouldn't do stuff for people if I didn't want to, and assume vice versa.> best case scenario Erm... No :nerd_finger_emoji:One would be like: you learn that you have friends who don't lord this shit over you, or get better friends. Internalizing the intrinsic worth a human. At least those you love. This includes yourself.> Ex gf suicideI can't even imagine this feeling. I'm good at at least simulating what I'd feel, but... Imagining how Id react to. Anyone I knew close, even if for a day died. Is as hard as imagining what it's like to not exist, to never had existed. It's an impossible task. I cant fathom what you're going through. I know this doesn't help directly but. I want you to know I hear you and feel for your situation, even without all the details, it's a lot.
>How are you doing today?i am anxious as usual >Any plans for today?i might code out the app i planned today. do you think itll work out anons. i want to make it real useful. its my hope to make some money.>When was the last time you hurt yourself?yesterday>Why did you hurt yourself?my mental fog isnt leaving and that makes me lose my mind more>Is there anything bothering you right now?
Woke up to being told me sleeping through the alarm he had set and turned off was too much a chore, so I have to set my own. That'd be fine but I was so grumpy from being woken up last minute and feeling sick from stuffing myself and chugging water I made it an issue. I didn't and don't see how it's a problem or why he couldn't just... Nudge me or turn on the lights. Eugh... Felt like a punishment, especially the half assed hug as we split on our walls to class/work. I hate being so overly sensitive. Sometimes I wish I was a man or male-brained :\ [alls good now they came home and went out of their way to give me a big smooch hehehe] (I take it back they're still mad I'm insufferable to play with and despite massive improvements they said I was only marginally better and stormed out ignoring my arguments I did better)>>84839293> Gym dietYeah, I lifted for a bit to try and help my weak knees and try to make my hips/butt bigger? X.X I assumed shakes for protein powder afterwards was like... Required? I enjoyed it though. Didn't realize eating a lot of meat would suffice. I know beans are super good. People complain about gas issues but... 3 months in, Id argue my tummy is less... Active ~_~ gross topic mb lol>>84841665> you seem like a very caring personThis is all some convoluted crypto scheme. I don't have a good response, but I read this and smiled. I like to hope I am, even if as a result Im overly sensitive, conflict avoidant, and even help people degrade me.> Needing questionsI'd offer to, but, I'm still struggling with my loved one. So, as a result I won't, same way you may not understand or engage with my open-invite. We grow.>>84846912> DrawingYes, it is mine! I love sending images but don't collect any or use anything that'd help me outside of this place. Reposting stuff I saw even a week or more ago feels weird c.c Helps motivate me to doodle and have a hobby hehe. I'm a very... I must be seen to be real? How you see me is how I see myself?
>>84854475>but the scroll wheel is less responsivecould be physical debris like dirty or anything stuck inside. Might be able to clean that out>cuz of the work?i just don't get out enough lol. I was working and taking breaks since my hours are long with little bits downtime in between>i'm fineall that matters. good luck rest of your day>>84854607as a lifelong anxiety haver, only so much helps like you said. Only thing really helps me when worried about something is thinking about what's bothering me and doing what i can to fix it or dismiss the anxiety. What's got you bothered>>84854664heya cat, glad you had a nice bikeride! any plans for rest of the day?>>84854967wishing you luck anon. What kind of app you working on?>>84855122>Sometimes I wish I was a man or male-brainedhonestly, the reason relationships work at all is because there's differences in people involved. You can't both think too much alike or you're too similar> I assumed shakes for protein powder afterwards was like... Required?Shakes are quite good, but the thing is to build lots of muscle you need lots of protein and it gets harder the more you weigh. I've lifted for years and am quite big, so the amount of protein I need per day is a lot to maintain and grow (I need like 190 grams)> I know beans are super good.i quite like how beans taste and go quite well in many dishes, but also sadly they do not provide the amount of protein needed for advanced lifting which is why vegan bodybuilders struggle a bit>Id argue my tummy is less... Activeyeah it's because the fiber, which most people's diets are critically lacking and is very good to have but takes adjustment
>>84854002helloo>mouse is slowly becoming brokenwhy do you think that?>yepnnooo D: that's the worst >hru cat?I'm okay just chilling :3 wbu?watching a stream and gonna make some food>>84854240>months passed really quickly"yep I can't believe it's June already >hours were enough to make me feel a bit stable again.phewwanna say what was the bad thing?>wanted to share some of the weird thingsno probby >>84854448cute pics>>84854607>only thing that makes the anxiety go awayit's good you found something that work >>84854662>mood stabilizerwhen are you going to get them?>>84854860thank you :Dit was okay, a bit cloudy but sorta damp feeling, not very comfortable but okayhow was your day?>>84854935another cool doodle being created >>84854967hello>anxious as usualhopefully it's not too distracting ir doesn't sound good you usually feel that way>. do you think itll work outI don't know, are there any apps that actually make money? other tham maybe games?>and that makes me lose my mind morethat's understandable >>84855122hey>had set and turned off was too much a chore, so I have to set my owngrr>despite massive improvements they said I was only marginally betterI don't get it, you still gotten betterand besides why should your performance matter? shouldn't the focus be on having fun?
>>84848910>this is the kind of guy you can just hand a shovel and he'll gladly dig his own grave.In the coffeezilla video, he basically does this exactly. He lies and says Bryan hasn't coporated. When challenged he says "an inventory and a contract are a start." In the five seconds of silence he chooses to say "we never got those" and then Coffee polls up the company's own invantory records. He could've just avoided the subject of what records were missing and he choose not to. It baffles me. >don't think i ever heard of a zoom, though. got a pic?nah, i don't know where it is.>don't think i ever heard of a zoom, though. got a pic?I feel like it only bothers me because it's serious in the begining and we're asked to care with the russian drone so many times. But death is otherwise meaningless. I don't think the show is bad, just fine.>>84854664hi cat>just came back from them bikerideI went on a run and I don't wanna shower before going on another. >>84831560>so you're gonna be moneymaxxing today?the stock finally started crashing. I'm left with a $20 profit. :'(>>84832561>with some people definitely, but with some people i think i probably just have a much stronger attachment towards them then they do meI don't think it should be worried about. Some people will think negatively about us. It's okay, I just try to be the best I can be. If I'm only tolerated, okay. Maybe someone around those people will be on my level.
>>84848910also how was TADC? I haven't seen the ending movie yet.
>>84855294> honestly, the reason relationships work at all is because there's differences in people involved.I'd rather be the one who thinks my girlfriend is insufferable for having emotions, always making problems out of nothing, or just wrong a lot. At least I'd get to feel superior and not like some kind of parasite or failure for not being able to explain myself correctly or emotionally regulate myself. I'm being quite melodramatic and hyperbolic right now trying to convey how I feel and vent this out, not necessarily a reality. >Workout stuffNods nods. I don't know much about this stuff and kinda quit since I've been sick so long. I'll pick it back up some time. Considering right now since I'm so pent up upset I can't do confrontation right.>>84855389>I don't get it, you still gotten betterand besides why should your performance matter? shouldn't the focus be on having fun?My issue is I'm really fast at looking at look and mentally calculating if it's worth equipping or the name and if I should even bother picking it up. I hyper optimize my time and temper the urge to minmax since I prefer constant stimulation. I run ahead while they look at loot, and wait til they arrive then start killing stuff. Sometimes I'd go right, then they'd go left. I also don't really enjoy video games much? I'm kinda just there for them, and it's hard to express that. If even productive. The issue at the end of the day is, I make the game unfun for them. Even when I didn't actually do anything. The appearance and belief of the behavior is enough. Me getting better isn't perfect, and not good enough. Misidentifying things as worse aren't to be fixed either. I just need to do better. (I fucking hate playing video games with others. I don't complain their suboptimal gameplay ruins my fun. Ugh.)> grrYeah, that's how I feel lol.
>>84855389>>mood stabilizer>when are you going to get them?Got it already, but it's gonna take a while to take effect I guess. It's lamotrigine.
>>84855694Let me know how it goes, thinking about hopping on one myself come next appointment in 3 weeks.
>>84855389>helloheya!>why do you think that?cuz the wheel is dumb>that's the worst:[>chilling>gonna make some foodwhat are you gonna make??also did you enjoy the bikeride?(i was on a walk minutes ago :D)>can't believe it's June alreadythat was really fast, i still remember december 31th night>wanna say what was the bad thing?ehh.... it feels silly when i type itidk>cute pics:D
>>84855294>Might be able to clean that outidk honestlynot really using it these days so it doesn't really bother me>i just don't get out enoughohwhat about weekends?>working and taking breaksi seei'm really glad your new job isn't as bad as the last one>good luck rest of your daythanks! you too
>>84855761I'll try to remember. But it's like 5 weeks until I'm at "therapeutic" dose of it, apparently gotta ramp it up slowly.
>>84849871>or maybe more than that by the sound of it...been like that for some time now. maybe it just counts as one?>We'll get it back on track some day. I hope.hope so, too. my sleep isn't even that bad, but it just doesn't seem to do anything. i hardly feel rested when i get up.>That's the one that got me hooked.i'll check it out. >Have a good snoozethanks. hope you had some good rest, too.>>84850220>Oh my gosh ok wait I'm so excited!!!thank you. it'll take some time until i'm ready to listen to it, but i will. always takes me a while to get in the mood, but i promise it'll happen eventually. can't say when, though. my mind is in a weird place right now.>It's immensely helpful when meditating through some rough thoughts when I feel stuck and too self-loathing.guess that's good timing>>84852574hi catbro!>sry for not replying last night I fell asleepall good. hope those dreams didn't interrupt your sleep very much.>I probably will go on a bikeride todayhow was it?>Do you have any plans?only work and now i'm already lying in bed. don't want to do anything anymore.
>>84853274>You only need to spend money if you're obsessed with having everything unlocked right away or chasing the desire to be top of leaderboardsi know what you mean. played mtg: arena for about 6 months and spent maybe 5 bucks in that time. they only had one offer i thought that was worth my money. still was able to build some meta-decks just by playing the game. though that showed me how bullshit the matchmaking was, so i just quit.>one of those numbers people who don't actually enjoy anything.well, they do enjoy the numbers, but i feel you can do that better in other games. ever heard of the "incremental" genre? it's basically just unlocking skill-trees with different paintjobs.>once the robots get good enough! can't have that kid with no degree thinking he deserves a 15 dollar an hour jobtrue, true... too bad the local economy is completely fucked for some reason and nobody feels like buying things anymore. don't think any of this is related, though. just a weird coincidence.>where Christianity is the predominant religion since forever now...it simply isn't anymore. at least not when it comes to the big institutional branches of the faith. i think i said it before, but last year 100 catholic priests retired, while only 25 where ordained. i'm 98% these kind of bible-pushers are from smaller evangelical churches that come from the u.s. or africa. we even got "feeling lonely? there's someone who loves you..." billboards now. guess it's the new "got milk?".>probably not, but it's not the worst thing. i know you've had it worse before. just don't let them push you to the same extremes, ok?>good luck surviving your workloadthat + heat really melty my brain, but it's just 2 more days of it now. and then at least another 4 until my boss is back from his vacation next week, but we don't talk about that until monday.
>>84854002>>84854002hi rem!>seems like my mouse is slowly becoming brokentime to get a new one?>you still feeling tired today?yeah, but it's hot again, so no surprise there. work wasn't so bad. most people just stayed home, it seems.>hope you can today too :D>how many hours is your shift?usually 5 hours, had some double shifts and longer ones this week, though.>i don't wanna share it and accidentally cause some harm to some random anonmaybe weird but i can explain why's thatall good. i have some information i won't share here, either. it's better that way.>i was trying to get a specific version of it, then it turned out that the version didn't even existat least now you know it doesn't and can stop looking for it.>>84855484>He could've just avoided the subject of what records were missing and he choose not to. It baffles me.never let easily verifiable facts get in the way of a good lie. i think it's more about these lies being a way for people like that to protect their own ego. like they themself believing it is more important than anyone else believing it.>i don't know where it is.oh, i just thought maybe you could look for pics online and share which kind of model you had. no need to search for yours.>it's serious in the begining and we're asked to care with the russian drone so many times. But death is otherwise meaningless.pretty much this. i mean, boromir dying is more important to the viewer/reader than some random guy being throw of the walls in a big battle, but this show is on a way smaller scale, so the difference between a main and a side character aren't as big.>I don't think the show is bad, just fine.same. it's an ok show, just not something i get that invested in.
>>84855492>>84855492enjoyed it way more than i thought i would. the little moments between characters are a nice and i had a good time with some of the adventures as well. wouldn't have minded more adventure focussed episodes in between or to spend more time with them in general. haven't seen thr movie yet, either. only showing in my area was last sunday. i'll just watch it on youtube when it releases.
>>84854319Hi Officeanon. Right now it's crunch time so I spent the whole day working. I didn't take many breaks so I feel kind of exhausted. But otherwise I'm okay.I hope you're doing well.>>84854607>how do yall cope any advice is appreciatedI have a few comfort podcasts that I've heard dozens of times already. The familiarity puts me at ease. Karl Pilkington talking about monkeys puts me at ease.>>84854662Hopefully the meds do you some good.>>84854967Good luck with your app, anon!>>84856403>maybe it just counts as one?Let's hope it's three!>but it just doesn't seem to do anything. i hardly feel rested when i get up.I see. You might be waking up mid-cycle. If that happens to me I feel like I've been thrown through a table in a WWE match.>i'll check it out.Let me know if you enjoyed it. These guys are basically the only thing I've watched this week for some reason.>hope you had some good rest, tooI slept pretty well, all things considered.
>>84857024>You might be waking up mid-cycle. would be odd, but maybe i'm turning around to often before getting up, so i fall asleep again when the alarm goes off. i should try to just get up the first time i open my eyes. >If that happens to me I feel like I've been thrown through a table in a WWE match.exactly. takes me a while to be able to control my body when that happens. had some serious issues focussing my eyes when i had to get up today.>These guys are basically the only thing I've watched this week for some reason.i'll put it on to fall asleep to and will give it a conscious watch when i get home from work tomorrow. pinky promise.>I slept pretty well, all things considered.good job. not as easy as it sounds a lot of the time. how's your day so far?
>>84857228>i should try to just get up the first time i open my eyesThat's one way to do it, but I think if you're still tried your body probably need the sleep.>takes me a while to be able to control my body when that happensI'm usually able to move around but I've absolutely shattered sometimes.>pinky promiseNo need to watch it out of obligation, but I hope sleepy you enjoys it anyway.>how's your day so far?I basically spent the whole day working from the moment I got up until a couple of hours ago. I have a potentially life altering deadline approaching pretty rapidly but I think I'll be fine. No pressure...How was yours? Just work and lazing around too?
played cs 1.6>>84855484>run and I don't wanna shower before going on another.another run?! two in one day?>I'm left with a $20 profit. :'(;w;ig at least it's something >>84855566>also don't really enjoy video games muchhmm yeah that might cause issuesthough maybe you just have to find a type of game you like >Me getting better isn't perfect, and not good enough.that doesn't sound goodmaybe you should just say you don't wanna play because that sort of behavior from them will lead to nothing but frustration >I make the game unfunnot true don't blame yourself >>84855694>but it's gonna take a while to take effectbest of luck anon o7 hopefully they works well on you So what are you going to do now?>>84855932>the wheel is dumb:< I think sometimes blowing air in it might work I guess maybe some dirt got in there?>what are you gonna make??grilled cheese sandwich! \o/>also did you enjoy the bikeride?yep it was nice though I got a flat xwx>i was on a walk minutes ago :Dhow was it??>remember december 31th nightI'm more of a I feel like it should be april or early may maybe >feels silly when i type itit's okay I don't judge but you don't have to say >>84856403heya>dreamsnope it's just they we're scary or fun, just frustrating >how was it?nice though I caught a flat Dx>don't want to do anything anymore.that dangg weatherrrand work
>>84857361>I think if you're still tried your body probably need the sleep.i think my mind needs it more than my body does. atm being unconscious beats being awake all day long.>I'm usually able to move around but I've absolutely shattered sometimes.i'm just staggering around until my body and mind align and i can actually see things that are right in front of me again. doesn't help that my legs have been sore the entire week. can't stop winning.>No need to watch it out of obligationif i ask for stuff i should watch it. at least that's how i see it.>I basically spent the whole day working from the moment I got up until a couple of hours agowasn't as bad for me, but quite close. what about the weekend? will you have some time to relax then?>I have a potentially life altering deadline approaching pretty rapidly but I think I'll be fine. No pressure...sounds ominous. hope you can beat it and that it'll change your life for the better. good luck! o7>How was yours? Just work and lazing around too?pretty much. had some an encounter with a customer i rather wouldn't have had today, but maybe that's a story for tomorrow. need to get up somewhat early, so i have to call it a day soon. after getting home i tried to catch up with the thread and here we are.need to try to get some sleep now. good night, everyone. see you soon!
>>84857601gnI'll be going to sleep soon too
>>84829711I don't cut myself, but I hit myself pretty bad. I always have bruises on my face.I hate to ask, but is there an alternative that isn't cutting that will help me relive some of the pain? I get really dizzy and can't walk after.
>>84857981My therapist says ice, cold shower, flicking a hair tie (I did this and my arm bruised pretty damn bad throughout the week), and a few others I forgot. I hope any of these help you.
>>84858159Thanks. I'm not really looking to stop to be honest. I plan on taking my own life this November. I just need some relief until then.
sold the pokemon cards i found in the trash a few years ago, 500 euro profit todayalso 1 year clean today as of the 18th of june:3c>>84849719>bummerhuge one at that>but don't be mad if you get everything you listed abovei wouldnt be mad but i would definitely complain about it lolhow dare the consequences of my own actions bite me in the ass?!?! outrageous!>gives you something to work towardsi hope it will help me in that>>84849795>if you need onei need it about as much as your average teen wants to brag about losing their virginitynot at all but ill be cool as fuck for a bit>just is such a rushyeah i guess thats fair, not really my playstyle so i odnt much get it but yeah>>84850220im happy to see this general has helped you friend>>84853274>but if you're making good moneythat is a really big ifi hadnt heard of this whole thing about the US so thanks for telling meold people here have a bit of a shitty attitude too but i think its just regular old people weirdness more so than anything>>84855122>Sometimes I wish I was a man or male-brainedi dont think that would help much desu men and women(or more so male and female brained people) compliment eachother in this really weird way, i see it with my and my gf while before i didnt undertsand it at allhe sounds like he was moody/grumpy that day which isnt an excuse but yeah >they're still mad will go away w/ time, sooner than later most likely>I'm insufferable to play with im willing to bet thats not as true as you think it is>Helps motivate me to doodle and have a hobby hehecute doodles, wish i could do mine like that, mine are all just distracted "art" so i never bother showing anyone>How you see me is how I see myself?maybe? i believe thats a hard thing to achieve as everyone sees shit differently, your red isnt my redin my case i forget other people even have a perception of me at all lol
>>84854240>i hope i can get as pure as i thought i was in the pastsame rem, same>>84858194i dont really have anything helpful to say but may i ask why november specifically?
goodnight, the sun is outidk why i stayed up so latei was looking at the archives and seems ive been in these threads for nearly 400 threads and 2 yearswildi wonder a lot of the time what the anons i used to talk to are doingi hope theyre well if any of them are reading this, i havent forgotten about you
I cut so often, I don't bleed much anymore from shallow cuts, but deep ones only make me feel worse.
Hii yall :3Just wanted to leave a little note here. Luxr just told me that shes going to stay in the hospital for 3 days, so she wont be active here, but wanted me to say it here so yall know. Nothing happened to her, shes okay! Some shit came up in life, and she wanted to take care of herself and stay in the hospital (voluntarily) for the next 3 days instead of doing anything stupid. If I get any updates, ill post them as well. Hope everyone has a nice day/night!!
I'll reply later but today was mentally bad even tho I just played war thunder all day while blasting music, in thigh highs. yesterday night i had my best game ever and was just such a ruch i got 7 kills with this 2.7 swis plane and it's just so much better then my 3.7 fighters lol. sry for the dumb rant >>84859998good on her for doing that, it's hard knowing when you need something like that, and hope she's well and hope your well yvkigoodnight :)
>>84829711my plans today are doing all the drugs in the world until I feel something.. or fucking die
>>84857538>So what are you going to do now?Gonna do my best to not continue cut myself open more than I already have before the next doctors appointment.
>>84859998thank you, i hope everything remains ok with Luxr. >>84860325which ones anon>>84859034damn gg sisyphus you mustve helped a lot of us anons feel less lonely, appreciate it>>84859069deep ones bad please no deep ones
sup guys, i'm still alive ig. apprently I shouldn't be so idk. everyone is mad cus i'm doing drugs ig
>>84860798its ok anon. who says you shouldnt be alive. whoever said that is a dunce. may i ask what drugs you do and why
>>84859069huhi didnt know one could just, not, bleedthats oddbe careful though anon>>84859998ohhope shes doing alrighttell her she has well wishes from me :3c>>84860316>2.7 swis planethe somewhat new one in the german tech tree yeah?i dont have it, probably wont get it i havent heard good things about italso maybe gaming all day wont help very much with your mental healthspecifically playing a game notorious for being frustrating>>84860648i hope ive managed to help people but cant say for certaini just hope ive been at least somewhat helpful>>84860798hey chevim glad youre alive :D
>>84861077>may i ask what drugs you do and whyjs spice and a bit of speed, apparently it took a dose that should've been fatal but i'm still here so idk. don't even feel ill or anything>>84862061hey man>im glad youre alive :Dthanks, not sure I am tho hahaha
>>84860316Glad she did that asw. Proud of her. Shes going through a lot and Im trying my best to help. Im doing pretty good. Managed to get some actual sleep again, worried abt her tho. >>84860648So do I. I will update yall if I get another message.>>84862061Same. Im a bit worried but i know its gonna be fine. >tell her she has well wishes from me :3cWill do o7
>>84856751>time to get a new one?nah, i don't think i'm gonna need to use a good mouse these days, not really playing much aswell>but it's hot againdude that's very truei can't stand staying in a room for like 5 minutes without an air conditioner i don't suffer that much when i'm walking outside though>most people just stayed home, it seemsyour problem was customers being annoying am i right?>5 hours>double shiftsoh when does the shift start?>it's better that wayyeah the thing is i don't like sharing anything that might contain stupid dangerous philosophical concepts publicly, cuz like someone might read it and get affected in a bad way>doesn't and can stop looking for ityephow are you today?>>84857538>I guess maybe some dirt got in there?possiblebut idk honestly and i'm a bit lazy currently>grilled cheese sandwichsounds tasty :D>got a flatnooo D:did you fix it?>how was it?it was nice, not really long though but it was fun>april or early may maybeuhh idk about thati do think months passed quickly but at the same time i know almost every month was long enough for me to think "when will it end??">it's okay I don't judge>but you don't have to saynah it's okay i can say but it's a bit long and i'm feeling nice currently so i'm saving it for later :]>>84858690>same rem, sameyou relate to the post?>>84860798hey chevi'm sorry. i don't know what exactly happened but i hope everything passes easily. you can tell us what happened, or if you wanted it a bit private i can open discord again for this one.i wish you all the best chev
bump im gonna chat w/ u guys later>>84862961yeah i relate except wanting to cut deep, i like my cat scratches lol
>>84854024>Thankfully there seems to be a lot of YouTube things that calm me down.that's good, youtube is the perfect place to find interesting things, and people with strong personalities >I think this is true even for fiction. oh definitely, there's so many shows and even movies where i got so attached to the people. and community was so good, i never finished it but it was truly special>It's hard not to get attached to people who you see on TV for some-20 years.yeah you really start to know them and can feel apart of you>>84855122>read this and smiledthat's great, im glad >I like to hope I ami think you are just for being you, just your personality>>84855484> Some people will think negatively about us.yea i guess that's true, just hurts when its someone i consider a friend, but that's just life>>84858674>also 1 year clean today as of the 18th of junecongrats !! that' really good> average teen wants to brag about losing their virginityahh so you really neeed it then x3 i've never understood that as a brag desu lol>ill be cool as fuck for a bityeah, it's a very cool car people will definitely notice when you drive it> i odnt much get ityea it is a lot less exciting then just fighters tbf>>84860798hey chevalier, sorry things been rough, dont think someone should be mad at you for taking drugs just make sure your careful>>84862061>the somewhat new one in the german tech tree yeah?i dont know if its new, its the c-3604. pic rel> havent heard good things about itfrom my experience its much more accurate then simaler tiered planes>gaming all day wont help very much with your mental healthnahh, it distracts me from life so well :)>>84862294>. Shes going through a lot and Im trying my best to helpyour a really good friend then, its impotent to be there for friends when they need you> Im doing pretty good. Managed to get some actual sleep againthat's good, it really isnt easy to sleep under stress or anything like that <3
>>84856751>i think it's more about these lies being a way for people like that to protect their own ego. like they themself believing it is more important than anyone else believing it.I heard an interesting theory that the press tour isn't about winning the public over. It's about winning over their remaining Franchiees. If they leave, the company no longer has the money to carry out this RICO suit and steal more money from old people. >oh, i just thought maybe you could look for pics onlineYeah pic rel was the closest I could find. I remember it being ancient. Also found out it was either named zune or zune was more popular.>>84856777>wouldn't have minded more adventure focussed episodes in between or to spend more time with them in generalI've been rather okay with this. If you have 9 epoisdes, you prioitize what's important. Plus, I don't think Caine gives them a break.>'ll just watch it on youtube when it releases.I think it releases tonight.>>84857538>ig at least it's something it'll have to do.>>84864094>just hurts when its someone i consider a friend, but that's just lifeYeah, but at the sametime, we drift from freinds without realizing it. New people will come.
>>84858674>sold the pokemon cards i found in the trash a few years ago, 500 euro profit todaynice find. what are you going to do with it?>1 year clean today as of the 18th of junegood job, buddy. here's to another one. :]>i wouldnt be mad but i would definitely complain about it lolfair point. i do that all the time.>how dare the consequences of my own actions bite me in the ass?!?! outrageous!you joke, but this type of self-reflection is so rare these days it's a damn superpower.>i hope it will help me in thatwhy shouldn't it? seems like a nice goal to have. >>84859034>ive been in these threads for nearly 400 threads and 2 yearsthanks for being a friend.>>84859998hey yvki! thanks for telling. hope she'll be alright. wish her the best.>>84860316hi gator!>but today was mentally badthat sucks. :/ still sounds like a good day overall.>>84860798hey chev. sorry to hear you fell down that rabbit hole again.>>84862961>i don't think i'm gonna need to use a good mouse these daysdoesn't need to be an expensive one. there's lots of cheaper chinese brands that can keep up with the big names.>i can't stand staying in a room for like 5 minutes without an air conditionertrue. a strange person came to the store today just to tell me "from friend to friend" (i've maybe seen her in the store 3 times, including this time) to keep something wet on your body in temperatures like this. she did so with her hat. on my way home i drenched my cap, dried it up a bit with a towel and it actually helped. so maybe consider that.>i don't suffer that much when i'm walking outside thoughguess the heat really builds up inside. biggest problem in the store is that there's no airflow at all. luckily there was an old fan in storage.
>>84862961>your problem was customers being annoying am i right?work would be a lot easier without them, that's for sure. :p it's a combination of customers, sorting/storing/giving out mail and parcels, preparing mail for companies that collect it daily, while also dealing with rest of the corner store business. it's a mess.>when does the shift start?depends. usually i got the later one that starts at 2:00 pm. shop closes at 6:30npm, but closing it takes about an hour again, so i'm out around 7:30 pm>i don't like sharing anything that might contain stupid dangerous philosophical concepts publiclyyou've got a good head on your shoulders. thanks for being considerate.>how are you today?tired. drained. mad i have to go to work again tomorrow. the usual. just went to bed. not going to sleep for a few hour, but also no reason not to be.>>84864734>the press tour isn't about winning the public over. It's about winning over their remaining Franchiees.makes sense. it would look pretty bad with that franchise after this pr-nightmare. hope the tour isn't very successful or that at least the customers will just stay away.>I remember it being ancient. Also found out it was either named zune or zune was more popular.looks like it would be popular again today. looked at some "dumb" products myself not to long ago. smarthphone is still too convenient for me to replace it, though.>I don't think Caine gives them a break.true, but you just see the outcome of some adventures. i would have been down to see the whole thing, but overall it's fine. not sure it'll stick the landing for me, but we'll see.>I think it releases tonightyeah. 0:00 am for me. i don't think i'll watch it tonight. maybe tomorrow after work and meeting up with friends.
night bumpwake up, thread
>>84865764thanks for bumping, but i'll leave for today. way too tired. (~.~) see ya.
Lazy day today but I think I earned a break after yesterday. Hope you're all doing well.>>84857601>being unconscious beats being awake all day longI've definitely been there before and it stinks. Sorry to hear you're hurting so much, yuanon. I hope your fortune turns around sooner than later.>i'm just staggering around until my body and mind alignI usually don't even attempt to leave bed for like 10 minutes after waking up. I can barely turn my phone's alarm off some days.>if i ask for stuff i should watch it. at least that's how i see it.Fair enough, but no worries if it isn't for (You).>will you have some time to relax then?I probably shouldn't but knowing myself I'll probably slack off.>good luck! o7Thank you! Hopefully my poor work ethic won't bite me in the ass.>had some an encounter with a customer i rather wouldn't have had todayI commend you for having a customer-facing job. I genuinely don't know how you do it.>>84859998Let Luxr know I wish them well. Hospital stays are rarely fun.>>84860316Is War Thunder any good? I've known about it for like 10 years but never gave it a try.>>84860798Hello chev. Glad to know you're still knocking about. Please stay safe out there.>>84864094>youtube is the perfect place to find interesting things, and people with strong personalitiesThe state of the site keeps slipping but fortunately there are still passionate people that make good things. And it's free, so I can't complain too much.>i never finished it but it was truly specialThe last few of seasons were a bit weak, but still an immensely comfy show. Greendale felt like a real place and I think that's it's a mark of quality when a show can do that.
hayoowent to see the backrooms movie and other things it was nice but tireeddI'll tell ya about it tommrow also got carsick on the way back @.@
>>84864990hi hi o/>wish her the best.will do o7>>84865828ill tell her!>Hospital stays are rarely fun.yeahh.. hope everything goes well :s
gn>>84862140you get to live another day experience a new thingin a way you could say you were spared, if i were you id take it as a sign to keep living>>84862294if its going to be fine then thats more than enoughthread will miss her and her doodles though :3c>>84864094>i've never understood that as a brag desu lolyou got to grow up and experience something most others your age probably haventehidk, when i lost it i didnt really brag i was just happy and told a few friends just cause>if its newby my standards its new as i havent played much with it in the game loli havent properly played in more than a yearalso i always forget to tell people but when uploading pictures from your phones and such you should scrub the metadata just to be safe, they can reveal geolocation and other scary things>simaler tiered planesforget about everything and get the bf 109 f-4 with the gunpods, its a BEASTim not sure if wt is a good distraction but anything to help ig>>84864990>what are you going to do with it?spend 50 euro to go out with gf and keep the rest to help my mum pay off loans and stuffi have close to 5k saved up from pocket money, gift money and etc with the passing of years the accumulated so ill give her money to pay off a loan so we will be guchi for a biti really wanna spend them on something irresponsible but i dont have the wiggleroom at the moment to do that unfortunately>here's to another onewithin the next 4 days im like 65% sure ill break the streak as exams are ending and closer to the end im getting more worried if anything>i do that all the timeyeah same, i love complaining>this type of self-reflection is so rare these days i know i just wish i could have such self reflection when its most needed but im not to that level of skill success yet, i hope to reach it though>why shouldnt it?goals dont really motivate me very much, im not sure why>thanks for being a friendi should thank you instead, youve been here longer than i have
>>84866186>if its going to be fine then thats more than enoughtrue. im glad she chose the hospital over doing anything stupid..>thread will miss her and her doodles though :3crealll :s im making some rn cuz she wanted me to show her some new onesgn!!
chroma hasn't posted on twitter in 3 months now i really hope he's doing okay
>>84864990>there's lots of cheaper chinese brands that can keep up with the big names.well i usually would buy something that might cost 10$~so the thing is i just don't really need a new one right now so no need to spend 10%~>including this timelmao i miss meeting people like those that easily become "friends">on my way home i drenched my cap, dried it up a bit with a towel and it actually helped.oh well that sounds goodi usually wouldn't like having something wet on my head but guess i might try it if i had a water bottle some day>biggest problem in the store is that there's no airflow at alldude my room is a bit like this that even air conditioners don't fully help5 hours in that store is really something :/>>84865085>work would be a lot easier without them>while also dealing with rest of the corner store businesswait so you have to stay busy all the time there? that really sucks :[>but closing it takes about an hour againhuh? i suppose you need to sort things inside the store before leaving, am i right?>you've got a good head on your shouldersthanks :]>mad i have to go to work again tomorrowsorry mani thought you had the weekendgood night yuanon>>84865828>Hope you're all doing well.hope you too are doing wellhow are you disanon?
>>84865930>hayohey cat>also got carsick on the way back oh :[are you feeling better now?>>84866433heya yvkii remember you replied to one of my posts about relapse on last /cut/ thread, i don't really remember what you said but i remember it was good, so thanks for the kind words!>>84863557>i like my cat scrati didn't mean it like deeep ykall kinds are trash though
>>84866858hii! :3dont thank meee its alright :p thats what im here for after all! im just trying to help others n spread a bit of positivity as best as i can :3 glad u liked it :D
>>84864734>we drift from freinds without realizing it. New people will come.yeah that's true, just sucks when the drift feels so sudden even tho it really was not>>84864990hey yuanon>that sucks. :/ still sounds like a good day overall.yea it was kinda>>84865828> earned a break after yesterdaythat you have>Is War Thunder any good? I've known about it for like 10 years but never gave it a try.its decent, it can be really fun just blasting music and not having a care in the world, just shooting other planes or dropping bombs. but the game itself is super grind heavy. so i'd say its fun overall, can be very frustrating at times tho. thanfully it is free so if you dont like it no a waste of money> keeps slipping but fortunately there are still passionate people that make good things.yea, it is slowly getting more and more fake and artificial sadly, butt there's always gonna be people who genuinely do it as a passion>Greendale felt like a real place and I think that's it's a mark of quality when a show can do that.yea way to many shows just end up feeling like a set, or just places to make jokes or advance the story but not feel real, that's why i just hate a lot of recent shows, they just feel like soulless slop, eg stranger things...>>84865930hope day was good cat :) carsick is the worst tho, i used to have to take medicine for it every time i went in a car
>>84867025just a random pic on my pc>>84866186goodnight >you got to grow up and experience something most others your age probably haven'ti guess so, probably makes you seem more mature ig. i just cant imagine if i lost it today anything would change or be meaningful to brag about>when i lost it i didnt really brag i was just happy and told a few friends just causethat's sweet you were happy about it>much with it in the game lolfair enough, i used to do that with a game but now like 99% of it is "new">phones and such you should scrub the metadata just to be safe, they can reveal geolocation and other scary thingsoh yeah i didnt know that lol, i was gonna upload another one but i'd rather not be tracked down lol>bf 109 f-4 with the gunpods, its a BEASTthat'll be the next one i get then lol. i do need a bf... fighter :)
