>>85951556
>25 if you count just head
I meant 25 if you would count head as a body

There was only one woman I have ever loved. I believe she's married. I don't think I'd love another.

>>85951586
married? how old are/were you

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>>85951556
I am desperately trying to feel sympathy for your situation but I just can't get over the fact that you somehow managed to go from a normal affectionate girl with her first love to a massive slut who selectively fucks awful men with zero awareness in just a few years

Like cmon, why are you all like this?

>>85951556
Damn how did you get run through so quick

>>85951669
>Lowered standards to get more attention
She said it herself
Some women are just like that. I think it wasn't actually a case of "this bad thing happened and I got worse", but rather a case of "i was always like this, and the lid came off".
The only thing I would argue against is >not worth anything
I probably wouldn't date her, but I have no doubt others would.

Tell me about the brain tumor OP

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>>85951669
i think a lot of men can't understand, but maybe addicts can.
when you're mentally or physically destroyed it's easy to fall into the cycle of "i'm not good enough -> I don't deserve good -> this is all i am"
especially when you experience extreme trauma. can also cause trauma bonding where you feel unsafe in honest safe relationships and safe in abusive environments.

I had this pedophile abuser who emotionally manipulated me over and over again. and i tried over and over to get away from him and be on my own or find someone better several times, but each time i want to crawl back and its like a itch. again why I think i understand drug addicts

>>85951695
high school and shows

>>85951701
born with a brain tumor since I was a kid. never found out bc no brain scan. I cried all the time and my mom tried to get my head scanned but every hospital "can't scan a child without any past conditions" or some bs
thank you us medical system

go on a cruise trip to bahamas when like 13. headaches get so bad I can't do anything but look at the sky to get some relief.
trip is ending and we're packing up and I collapse into a seizure and pass out. According to my family, I'm airlifted to a hospital in florida and go under emergency surgery. during which I experience a NDE which seriously challenges my spiritual beliefs and "afterlife" but I'm still mainly athiest

anyway, what's REALLY fucked up is because the tumor was allowed to progress so far and I needed invasive emergency surgery, I developed and since diagnosed with ADHD, Autism (high functioning), and extremely near-sighted.
pair with the recovery time, I missed a lot of math classes and im honestly so stupid now.
what does make me cry though is before the tumor I used to be so good and I laughed all the time and was funny, smart, quick. after the ordeal I became a different person and became quiet and distant. it hurts a to know I couldve been better and had a wonderful life and that person is gone

>>85951556
If it makes you feel any better, this is how most women operate when they lose their first love the pair-bonded with.
This is (one of the reasons) why chastity for women was encouraged and mostly enforced for so long. You are biologically inclined to bond that way, and will slut it up if it fails.

>>85951734
Yeah no I just cant sympathize because your definition of trauma is a fucking joke compared to what other people have gone through, myself included

You had one romantic breakup and you allowed yourself to descend into a cycle of total degeneracy, try spending your teen years in prison and experiencing what its like to actually be set up for absolute failure

>>85951734
... Now I'm wondering about the NDE...

But thank you. I'm glad it's taken care of by now (?).
>can't scan a child without past conditions
That's bs btw. Maybe they couldn't scan and have it be covered under Medicare or whatever.

Anyway. The past you isn't gone. You're still there, here. And math class never made anyone smarter. Intelligence is something inherent.

Also, drug addicts suffer a very different pathology. Abuse victim or something, sure. Drug / gambling addicts, not so much.
You could, today, start living the kind of life you would find worth in. Any alcoholic or recovering addict has a "day 1 of sobriety" after all.

>>85951556
you're just a fuckup of a human being whos using dumb trivial shit to make up for your own shortcomings

>>85951762
I've known a woman in a slightly similar situation. I don't want to say too much to not worry OP, but man, brain tumors fuck things up even after they're removed.
>happy kid
>NDE where you see shit
>quiet and distant
Almost sounds like you were just forced to grow up a bit and struggled to cope.

>>85951762
raped several times and attempted suicide. but I don't know other people's perspective. I can't imagine the hopelessness of prison, I couldn't handle it
maybe it is worse. I'm sorry I've defined my trauma like it's worse than yours, I could never know what it's like
>>85951780
sorry
>>85951771
I feel like it's too long to write.. and yeah, I think that's what I want. I part of me wants to run away and start again and connect with the world and life and nature and live for myself

anyway, no one else is talking about their experiences. everyone is just talking to me xl

>>>85951799
*talking about mine

>>85951734
sounds like you need a hug. how old are you now and why kys at 28

>>85951818
>>>85951734 (You)
19 and 20 in 5 months? or so

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I don't have any exes

>>85951825
I'm so jealous
truly keep that up, unless your single.. dont die alone

>>85951830
I've always been alone, doesn't bother me

>>85951799
>talking about yours
I don't like talking about mine. Doing so too much == brain starts thinking about it in the background -> bad dreams.
tl:dr; abortion
Messed up thoughts on relationships as well.
My only potential hopeful thought is if some niche occult thought turns out to be true such as "actually the human body isn't equipped to receive the soul until X time" which doesn't make any logical nor theological sense so yeah.

>>85951556
>19
>22 bodycount
jesus christ lmao

>PTSD, Major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, muscular deconditioning and a dozen more
>brain tumor and seizure/NDE
god is good sometimes

>>85951556
I love you i will smell your dirty hairy pussy and kill myself over you to make you happy

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>>85951669
>Like cmon, why are you all like this?
99% of you would be the same if random women hit on you all the time

>>85952558
I still can't understand if moids here are straight up retarded or too bitter to understand how basic supply and demand works.

>>85951556
Fembot, do you have any family? Like a brother, a cousin, or your dad?
Go hang out with them a lot and try to rebalance your affection, family are good for healing, the trust is implicit.

>>85952592
>be moid
>never get hit on
>one girl hits on you MAYBE
>it remains in mind as a special memory (it also probably didn't work out)

>be foid
>get hit on dozens, if not hundreds of time
>GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE TO BUT FUCK THEM ALL
>WOE IS BEING A MODERN WOMAN

Yeah crazy how dat be

I hate whores so you can go into the pile of people I dislike.

>>85953058
I had a girl really hit on me once, her hands were all over me one night at a party, said she'd been studying massage.
My mate was dead jealous.
Never saw her again. Another time some woman tried to get me to fuck her friend but I was clueless until afterwards when my mate explained it to me.
Being an emotionally blind autist leaves me with a constant sense of confusion.

>>85952558
Yeah, but I'd be less miserable. All foidbabble is just
>Waaah everyone wants me
>But I'm too emotionally stunted

>>85953058
So the answer is retarded then.

>>85953097
>be me
>at ren fair once
>have shop girl blow on hands suggestively (it was a bow shop, hard to explain context, she was holding my hand for grip strength check or something i forget by now)
>someone else working there chastises her somewhat lightly for it, "could you be any more obvious?"
>even I'm not dumb enough to miss this
>dunno what to do about it though
>leave
>realize I could have given her my number or something idk
>go back 5 minutes later
>she's gone
>never see her again
This was probably the last time a girl hit on me.
It was also about 10 years ago.

>>85953148
I talked with a girl on a bus like a year back, just discussing hobbies and interests I had, a few days later I realised she'd probably been flirting with me getting close and giggling.
I am just unable to process these things in the moment it's not even something I can really laugh at.
Sorry to offtopic OP's trauma release thread.

>>85953058
women don't get that our reproductive strategy is for men to be active and women to be passive, gender equality has made them think because of this they must all be in the top 1% of women

>>85951556
>ffw to 19
>run through
>22 bodycount
>25 if you count just head
No decent man will settle for a used up whore

>>85953958
I would settle and fix her because im a mad man with no self respect or dignity

>>85951556
>cheated because I needed attention
This was the point of no return where you became an irredeemable whore and love will forever escape your grasp btw.

>>85953969
Exactly what I said.

>>85953058
>>85953083
if you guys went outside you'd know you're the outlier of men who stay inside and dont fuck

I know so many men who sleep around like crazy and have a far longer line of people looking to hook up than I do
you're a minority wheras every other boy your age has their shit sorted out

>>85954014
I know and I regret it
but if a MAN did it in a show or movie and redeemed himself and hates his old self, he's suddenly a 10/10 masterfully written character and "he so like me fr"

like be honest. that's how you guys think

>>85953197
that sucks. I hope you find someone honest and able to connect like her again
who knows, maybe you'll bump into each other one day ; )

>>85954348
>who knows, maybe you'll bump into each other one day ; )
It's not exactly the meeting it's the being consciously aware that something is happening part, I don't pick up on normal social cues well.
As I said I had to ask friends what it meant, and I don't really go out much. I know it seems like a weird claim here but my brain is a bit retarded about a lot of things.

I wonder if a man can step up and rape the obnoxious attitude out of OP again

>>85954330
>I know so many men who sleep around like crazy
You happen to know tons of men who are extremely physically attractive?

>>85954341
nta, but with all the excuses you're making, you clearly don't hate yourself, or truly regret anything

>>85951556
>implying
Fuck off normalfag

>>85954554
yes? is this not common?

>>85954735
What made them so attractive? Did they look like literal supermodels? How good-looking were most of the guys you fucked?

>>85954745
like 6/10+
I prefer skinny twinks but I've slept with "chads" but idk if they fit the definition

>>85954805
no more like 7/10+
i dont think i would dip to a 6

>>85954805
>>85954810
Considering how women rate men, those were probably Lachowski tier. Most of us could only dream of living like that

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>>85951799
>anyway, no one else is talking about their experiences
Yeah because we're a bunch of losers not sure what you expected (although at this point we do have sizeable chunk of normalfaggots here like yourself). I've never experienced any sort of intimacy even though hot foids have shown obvious interest all my life. I'm a fakecel cyborg and that's it. Can't fit in with the incels and too autistic for the normies. At least you belong somewhere.

>>85954330
>I know so many men who sleep around like crazy
That's the small minority of men that all the women are fucking, so it's actually you with the selection bias and out of touch take. Not that normie guys don't get to fuck randoms a small handful of times throughout their lives, but they don't have women throwing themselves at them constantly. If a normie guy wants to have a steady supply of sex, he has to get into a relationship, or he can go years without getting any.

>>85954330
This is just blatantly false. A recent study showed half of Gen Z has never had sex.

>>85954341
Your regret doesnt change the fact that you are a whore. You will never make a good wife to anyone. Your only purpose now is to be a dumb fucktoy for men to use. You might as well be a prostitute. I dont care about your trauma or any other bullshit excuse. Your decisions were yours and yours alone, and now you can live with them.

>>85951556
How do you view virgin men? Do you think you're better than them?

>>85951556
Listen. I want to sympathize. But given my own life experiences, I'm unable to have any sort of sympathy for you. Maybe try more normie spaces where experiences like yours are more relatable. Good luck.

>>85954910
No. I tease them for it sometimes, but usually as a bit and they find it funny too. I think they're cute and I sympathize with them and sometimes i pity them and be their first

>>85954974
>I sympathize with them
NTA but how the fuck do you sympathize with them that doesn't even make sense given your history.
>sometimes i pity them
I should really kill myself.

>>85951556
>Be me, whore
>I fucking Love EmoChad
>We do everything together!
>EmoChad dumps my fat, ugly ass and moves to Wisconsin (lol)
>clamor for an LDR
>"i-is that.. EmoChad... with.. STACY????
>YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT YOU FUCKING MOID INCELS
>EmoChad LEAVES me for Stacy.
>He seems sooo happy with a prettier girl :C
>And he's HAPPY.
>EMOCHAD IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY WHEN TOUCHING MY FAT ROLLS
>i can't even remember his smile because I'm an old fat hag with dementia now :(((
>I'm a sad fucking cunt.
>GIMME 53 FUCKING REPLIES, MOIDS
>fast forward
>I met EmoBrad!
>Just like EmoChad!
>devote myself fully to EmoBrad and eat shit from his asshole.
>EMO BRAD.
>USED ME.
>AS THE TOILET I AM.
>whore myself out
>Keep lowering my standards. I even fuck fat, swarthy niggers!
>I cheat because I'm Just A Girl(TM) who needs love!
>get punished for my wretched choices
>Now I'm OLD (19)
>My cunt is ran through and I've sucked 25 dicks!
>Anyways here's my hecking list of psychological disorders. It's legit btw, so you can't make fun of me, moid.
>I have a baaaad future, my GPA is average, and I'm gonna kill myself when I'm REALLY old (28) and undesirable with saggy tits.
>everything goes back to EmoChad. I also have a brain tumor and seizure o algo
>I'M THE ONLY HOPELESS ANON HERE

Please kill yourself sooner. /r9k/ and whoever's left shouldn't listen to foids whining about acting like public urinals.

>>85954974
As a virgin man I dont need or want your pity. You nothing but a whore to me.
>be your first
I wouldnt touch you with a 10 foot pole, and I would call you a filthy whore directly to your face. You would probably cry, and I would enjoy it.

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>>85954997
eugh go back to your sharty nobody wants you here
even if i was a fat 200 lb chunk of lard I still would be skinnier than you

>>85955055
Nah. Everybody wants me here. I don't use the sharty, but you're still a 190 pound chunk of lard anyway, just too much weight for an EmoChad. You're just mad because I've pointed out the story of your miserable life. You're here to gain validation from bottom of the barrel simps because you know this is the only place you'll ever get it, even for a day. You'll never be like the other ewhores here and you will die alone, or butchered by a cruel man for deceiving him.

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>>85955094
>Nah. Everybody wants me here. I don't use the sharty, but you're still a 190 pound chunk of lard anyway, just too much weight for an EmoChad. You're just mad because I've pointed out the story of your miserable life. You're here to gain validation from bottom of the barrel simps because you know this is the only place you'll ever get it, even for a day. You'll never be like the other ewhores here and you will die alone, or butchered by a cruel man for deceiving him.
lol

I think I am eell. adjusted because I would absolutely never talk with any of my exes again. they're as good as dust to be. The only thing I'd want is to show them how much better off without them I am to make them jealous.

>>85955156
>well adjusted
>has had sex with multiple people outside of marriage
You are not well adjusted you are just another whore.

>>85954330
I'm tired of this foid ragebaiting. If you want to ragebait my fellow robots, then you're gonna have to go through me.

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>>85955244
honorable
I accept your challenge

>>85955280
You wouldn't cheat if you had your shit sorted out. The majority of women your age are in healthy relationships and don't cheat on their spouses.

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>24 today
>started dating my ex when I was 20 and she was
18, fresh out of high school
>she's my friend's little sister so I have an in to meeting her
>cute, plays video games with me, double d boobies, adorable face and sweet voice
>date for 3.5 years
>take her virginity, sleep together almost every night, shower together, never want to be apart
>Fast forward to January 2026, for whatever reason she's just not interested anymore
>Barely messaging me, never comes over anymore
>She breaks it off by text

And I've been drunk and stoned ever sense. I will abuse allergy and cough medication if I cannot get any alcohol or weed, or if it's just not enough. It has not gotten any easier like people said it would. It actually only gets worse. My life is completely stagnate and I need to be on drugs or asleep at all times or I will feel miserable. Every day I wake up and I want to die until I get fucked up or I manage to fall back asleep.

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>>85951669
damn nigga, this is the truest post I have ever read.

>>85955988
Femoids are fickle beasts, knowing their motives is often incomprehensible.
I don't have any words of wisdom.

>15
>date a guy my age who's not that cute, but he's hilarious and fun to hang around and we have all the same hobbies and interests and I adore him
>he always gets comments like "wow how did you get her?? you're so fucking lucky" etc etc
>i hate these comments, but he seems to take them as compliments
>he gets a big head and starts openly flirting with women when i'm around
>when i call him out, he always says "i'm ugly and short and they'd never be interested in me. besides, you know i only love you"
>i catch him sending dick picks to a girl
>i try to break up with him, he falls to his knees bawling his eyes out saying he didn't mean it and he's sorry and he'll never do it again it was a moment of weakness etc etc etc
>he puts on such a performance i feel bad and "forgive him"
>turns out i can't forgive him and i just harbored resentment for him for months and he could never regain my trust
>actually break up with him a couple months later
>he messages me every day for weeks begging for me to come back, saying he'll change, give him another chance etc etc etc
>eventually he stops and life moves on

>5 years later

>i have a boyfriend i've been seeing for 3 years
>ex messages me saying he's never gotten over me
>he's never had another gf since me
>he lists all my usernames on every site i've ever used saying that he's been tracking my activities for years
>he bought a house with the intention of moving me in, shows off furniture that fits my aesthetic as well as plush toys and posters of things i love, closet of clothing my size
>says he still jerks off to the nudes i sent him when i was underage
>i tell him he seriously needs therapy, i'm blocking him, and i'm calling the cops if he ever contacts me
>old mutual friend messages me saying he's live on twitch having a manic episode and screeching about some new age religion

it's been about 4 years since that incident and i'm not sure what he's up to nowadays.

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>>85951556
>be with first bf
>over time start losing attraction since he was chubby
>ignored it for the first few years but eventually accepted he'd never lose weight
>start to get genuine oneitis for one his guy friends
>leave bf
>still have oneitis for his friend
>refuse to do it bc i would never be able to see myself as a non-evil person again
>but that doesn't help get rid of the obsession/not being able to find other people attractive besides the oneitis even if it's been years now
i'm ngmi. doomed to live a clown life.

>>85956503
If the friend is single surely it's a big enough gap?

>>85956521
presumably, he was also single throughout the whole time i was with my ex/first bf, even though he was once engaged in the past apparently.

i am pathetically obsessed with thinking about him still and cope about it all the time. but i know if something came of this obsession, it'd be a relationship where i am the one who is more into the other person, and i'd get settled for. i want to be with someone who feels this way about me too and it goes both ways, but it's hard to even start bc i just cannot get attracted to other people anymore.
sorry for the rant lol. my life just went downhill after i got this weird crush.

>>85954330
>you're a minority wheras every other boy your age has their shit sorted out
>it's the (man)whores who have their life sorted!
lol. lmao.

>>85955988
>And I've been drunk and stoned ever sense.
Anon, I hate to be the one who tells you this, but it gets better with SOBER time.
All this time you've spent drunk and high doesn't count, as your brain hasn't been working through its pain, it's been high as shit and every time the processing takes a pause.

>>85956503
It really, really depends on context I think.
If you didn't sleep with the first guy, and there was a small time gap, I don't think anyone would really call you evil. Though you would have to accept their friendship probably being strained as a result. Though it could happen the first guy just doesn't care.

What I would suggest you do, is to contact the oneitus and ask him out (not immediately, just giving you the shortened version here), and if he says yes, well, shit, go for it I guess.
When he says no though (most likely), you could definitively tell yourself "it's over". Apparently a lot of people need a conclusion to such a love for them to get over it.

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>>85951556
I met her on 4chan. She made a venting post about being an unlovable femcel, so I asked her if she wanted to be my wife. We then exchanged contacts.
We were from different countries, so it was a long distance relationship. Still, we texted and called each other daily. Played video games and watched movies together. Had many long deep conversations go into the early morning.
During our ~3 years together, we flew to each other's countries about a dozen times, each time staying over from a few weeks to a month at a time. I really loved her, and I think she loved me, for a time.
Yet, I also think she was only with me due to not having any options.
When she got to a university, she partied for a week straight. Drunkenly told me about how some guys flirted with her, then deleted those texts. A few days later, she told me we needed to talk. Then she broke up with me.
I suppose she realized that indeed, she had better options than me. Maybe she got railed by Chads those nights. I don't know.
Over the next year, I kept asking her why she did it, but she always ignored me. Eventually, she broke the silence.
>To answer your question, the problem was that you are mentally ill. You have deep rooted problems that I was unable to solve and it took me way too long to realize it.
>I was never able to speak to you frankly near the end. Often hid my true feelings and basically gaslit myself into thinking everything was okay on my part. Felt like walking on eggshells.
>And I am sorry for breaking up with you seemingly abruptly, I was meant to do it when we last met, but was afraid of your reaction and I was afraid that you'd become unpredictable. In hindsight it was probably the right decision.
Whatever.
I've gotten a new foid since then, but I feel nothing. I'm spiritually raped by the whole matter. I planned my whole life around her, but she just up and left me like that.
There's so much I still want to talk to her about. But she won't have me.

>>85956804
it was a longg relationship, and of course we slept together. he was my first boyfriend. i don't regret the relationship happened but looking back on it i am glad i made him ait for it. i can say i've only had sex with one person, and it happened within a relationship so i've never had a hookup or anything resembling that.

the ex would definitely care and ruin my reputation since to this day my social circle shares some of the same people, not all but some. he had expressed jealousy wishing his life was as exciting as this friends life. at the time i already had the crush and i felt comically evil and really bad when he said that. there were 3 or 4 similar moments later on, and even though i can't deny i am still really into the friend, on some level i still also associate it with feeling cruel and like i'm thinking about something that is very wrong. and so whenever the crush comes up into my mind, the thought always devolves into self-hate lmao.

i think it's for the better i can't contact him. the dude has no social media to speak of, and nobody i know (except my ex) knows his number or stuff like where he lives, so there is really 0 chance. ty for your advice though. i think it'll be tough since i'll never get that conclusion.