Thread #11. All are welcome here.Previous: >>8071327(Using an anon's excellent shot as the OP image - thanks, anon!)
(spacing for semi-readability) I have commitment issues in regards to dating (not in a cheating way, I'm just a pansy), and my most recent girlfriend was either 2022 or 2023 (she was too unimportant to care to remember), prior to that it would've been 2016, because I just haven't cared enough to date. The main thing, too, is that I stick to the mindset of questioning what she might be able to offer me & what I might be able to offer her that we can't get by some other means. I bring that up because, on a whim, I recently started dating a guy that I'm decently close with (online, admittedly), and I know the following is going to sound retarded to anybody with any level of social adjustment, but it doesn't feel out of the ordinary considering I've never been with a guy? It feels confusing, yet feels normal (confusing in the sense that I've never been with a guy in my life (I've even turned down a dude because I wasn't interested in men) the most contact I've had with a guy is hugging a bro or a firm handshake after a good days work) Maybe I don't see it as anything out of the ordinary because it's entirely text/digital and there's that online separation? Someone please tell me I'm overthinking something basic and that I'm retarded. Anyway, been going through Dragon Ball Daima, and it's kinda silly, but I'm enjoying it to an extent.
>>8098836I would say it would probably feel quite different in person, rather than online. But it's 2025. Date anybody you want, pal.
The older I get the stupider everyone seems.I'm not fulfilled with or without money.Relationships seem like a completely hopeless endeavor.My passions have all but withered away completely.I don't know where to go with my life.
in uni and just feel like i'm wasting my time and money. i mean, it's not like i hate it. some of my professors are rather enjoyable, but a lot of my courses are just too slow, too easy. i feel like i'm barely learning anything. life's basically just a repeat cycle of wake up, go to class or work, then come home and waste time, because the homework is absurdly easy. all in all, i'm probably just a fucking retard, but i can't help but question my choices thus far.
>>8098867whoops, forgot the wallpaper
everything is going to be alright
i like this one
And this
1920x1080
a little bit Rothko-esque
Ships at sea
Jazz Singer
A bit Dark this one
I don't think I'll ever be happy.
I miss the 90s and my hometown
i've been in love with my closest friend for over 5 years, and obviously, the feelings dont go both waysi used to be able to hold it down and keep the friendship going, but recently i've gotten worse and worse, and became an unbelievably hateful person because of it and all the other shit in my lifeits gotten to the point where we barely talk anymore, and i think he's become so tired of my antics that he's given up on meobviously, the smart decision would be to leave the friendship, move on, and try and get better but outside of me being in love with him he is fundamentally such a good person that i dont want to let go of himi just dont know how to go onwards from here, i guess
no sound
I struggle with my work. I'm a writer, I work almost exclusively alone and I thought 2024 would be the year I find more and more contracts to stabilize but I've been grieving a friend who was murdered late 2023 and now I'm extremely poor and can't imagine myself taking a shitty job just to earn a little money.I feel like a fucking child whining, maybe I should just "man up" and go take a job at the factory but it's like I physically can't, I already have so much to do...
>>8099171I feel you. I am currently procrastinating the stuff I should be doing for work and feel like a child because I can't bring myself to do it. I think anxiety and depression play a role, but without justifying it I feel like we're living in times that don't make it easy to be motivated to work either. Every penny you earn gets sucked out of your pocket by big corpo and in return you get the minimum. Not a vision of a better future but the outlook of working till you drop. What are you writing?
>>8099179Yeah that's at play, don't wanna work minimum wage for big corpos like I did when I was younger, don't want to feed some lazy-ass annuitant while keeping on struggling.. I write medical comic books at the moment, like I talk about leukemia with aliens and stuff. The projects are cool (pic related) but I don't have enough to make it a year.
I'll convert to Christianity, and apply for police academy (previously an agnostic web developer).I don't know what prompted me to make these decisions, but for the first time ever I feel a calling.My former lifestyle was a ugly mess, I'm done taking the easy path.
>>8099193No judgement and glad you'd find a calling but i'm genuinely curious : don't you feel monotheism and responding to orders IS the easy path ?
>>8099194 How is it easy by any regard? > Christianity is a religion of self and worldly denial. Swallowing our ego and resisting temptation are no easy feats. > Coming from an atheistic background, entering religion can feel very alienating. > Policing requires physical and mental strength, both of which must be maintained and cultivated. That’s not easy either. > Policing is hard - you can get injured or killed just as easily as you can lose your job or go to prison for making the wrong split-second decision. > Policing pays less than programming. I'm actually making things financially harder for myself and my partner. > Changing careers will take time, effort, and financial caution. I’ll also have to go back to college, which is horrible. Forgive me for answering a question with another, but what do you consider "hard" or "easy"?
>>8099197I get you. All of these feel hard enough. Maybe I was extrapolating but I feel like changing radically your bias of spirituality and day-to-day life is more of a way of escaping what's wrong rather than finding a way to cure profoundly. I come from a christian family and struggled to get out of the absurd dogmas it gave me. I had to, and now I can swallow my ego and resist temptation a lot better. Everything christianity taught me was to put myself in the center of the universe and to only believe in opulence. I agree that's not the fundamentals of the religion but eh, most believers of any religion don't follow the principles anyways. As for going to work in the forces I agree you will put yourself in a hard situation, that's undeniable. I was thinking about the orders. When you are a cop, you don't really have to use your moral compass, you just do as your told. Of course you have to think, you have to have moral and physical abilities that are hard to gain but in the end you are a pawn and that's what I find easy : becoming a puppet. What's hard is finding your path and being your own person, living free of orders and do the best for yourself and the ones around you. I know this take on law inforcement is controversial and I would be happy to discuss it.
>>8099187that sounds like an awesome project. Hope everything works out for you
>>8099206thanks anon, I hope you'll find the energy to stop procrastinating. The world sucks but don't let him win you over.
>>8099199I'm glad to discuss it too. So far, I've only talked to two people about these things, and I don't feel ready to come out to my friends and relatives yet. > What's hard is finding your path and being your own person—living free of orders and doing the best for yourself and those around you. It's hard, and if hardship is defined by one's effort to overcome the pressures of society, then sure, cops have an easy life. But not everyone shares the same hardships, and society ain't one of mines. I know that by choosing this career, I'll be confronting them instead of choosing comfort (i.e. the easy path).That and I hate corporate culture, I may been less of a puppet when I was a developer but I felt like a prostitute, so it's definitely an improvement.This is off-topic, but out of curiosity, which denomination were you a part of?
>>8099209I was baptized in france, so a regular catholic. My father never read the bible but wanted us to have a catholic faith because "that's how you do it" and loved jesus but not really knowing why, just because he was told to. When I started growing up I said I didin't believe and the physical violence started, nothing extreme but enough to get me ptsd
>>8098867Gonna sound retarded and I know you've heard this before, but join a club. It sounds like you need a 3rd place, anon.
Part of me doesn't regret my line of work for the last 5ish years. However, I haven't accomplished much in my eyes and I feel like I wasted them. I know that isn't totally true but I am no longer happy working a job that to a certain extent I am no longer happy doing and that I'm overqualified/disinterested to improve. I started working in film as a knee jerk reaction from losing my only long term girlfriend of three years. I figured that if I made something of myself then it would've been worth losing her. I notice that I will never make anything worthwhile/ I can ever quantify a film as great as I felt in that relationship. Just thinking about a good exit strategy.
>>8098863Common variable here is you, please review your own mind and attempt to fix it because the problem may lie at a critical thinking level. I've felt this way too when I felt like I've achieved grand understanding of everything, how foolish I was and probably still am.>>8098867Learning never stops, if life starts feeling like a repeat then you're not applying yourself, merely doing the minimum to exist. Search for a personal project with the purpose of learning and achieving something. I'd be more specific but you were vague as well.>>8098955By default, you never will.Not blaming your mindset specifically but such thoughts do affect the perceived reality.>>8099051Consider that his presence in your life will only blind you to other potentials for you to consider.Additionally, don't confuse love with lust, loving someone can happen at any time and usually has few bounds, lust however is all binding, there's nothing wrong to desire someone, just be careful with your words as they damage you if used wrongly.However, if you lust over someone, be it physical or more (as you mentioned him being a really good person), and the feeling isn't reciprocated then by standing by and waiting for the desire to be reciprocated at some point, you're only devaluing yourself in the eyes of yourself and the other person, respect the dude AND yourself and move on.>>8099171Unfortunately life rarely aligns with ideals, I respect you for not desiring to slave for a corpo, but survival is more important than ideals.Are you eating? Do you earn enough to manage your own consumption?If yes, then continue doing so.If no, then respect yourself, get a job, earn some funds, save as much as possible until you're ready to jump again out there.Also, consider investing in yourself by learning a small but necessary trade skill, then capitalize on it in your community so you don't have to rely on the old 9-5. Electricals, plumbing, in the end you'll be working for yourself.
>>8099209>I may been less of a puppet when I was a developer but I felt like a prostitute, so it's definitely an improvementThis statement lies a bit on the absurd side for me, if by having a skill and providing that skill as a service for the clients of a company means you're a prostitute, the commonality lying in the "service-providing" part, then by definition is everyone is a prostitute and you'll still be a prostitute once you become a cop which effectively a worker that provides security and justice, right?If the above statement still holds ground with you then I have a question, would you still feel the same if you'd sell your skill as a service directly to a client instead of to a corpo? Or what if you'd develop a product to sell directly to an end user? I have no idea in which industry you activate but let's say you're a game dev for a corpo, would it help if you'd sell your own game to the consumer instead?Either way, none of this is meant as an attack to your own purpose, that's between you and your maker.
I'm working on getting my ADHD diagnosis, I've been selected for evaluation in my country, pretty certain I'll get it; I have a small messaging book between my teacher and parents from 3rd or 4th grade, and it clearly paints the picture of a child struggling with ADHD.The thing is, I've wasted so much damn time, I feel like I've lost my 20's, and I'm turning 30 this year. I'm just missing so much, like saved up money (even though I worked throughout my 20's), social skills, social milestones, education, friendships, etc. I've done a lot to improve my situation, and I've staked a lot on a goal this summer of moving away, taking 1 year to just try out uni. But, I genuinely don't know if there is a "livable" future for me. There's just so much pain and shit behind me, so much work in front of me, and there's aging... I'm not prepared to get gray hair, loose my hair, I still feel like a fucking 20 year old.
I am being completely crushed by my loneliness and isolation to the point I can't take it anymore.Despite my best attempts In the last 7 years I wasn't able to make friends neither irl or on the internet, even when I was around like minded people or people with the same interest as me, and it pains me immensely, the shame of not being able to do something other people, even people who have it worse or have much worse problems than me do as naturally as breathing.And yeah, I would also really love to get a girlfriend, but it feels ridiculous to even think about that in the same way it feels ridiculous thinking about running when I can't even stand on my legs and walk.The thing is that there are more important things I should worry about right now, mainly like the fact that I am 26 years old neet high school drop out with no skills, no goals, and only a shitty part time job that hardly pays anything, but I can't focus, I think about it all day, when I am working, doing chores, or eating or whatever and I keep having panic attacks over it. I can't even sit down to play a game or watch movie or browse the internet in peace anymore. It just feels so pointless doing any of that when I can't share the experience or discuss it with anyone. I used to stay up late until over 4 am, but the last 3 months I had to start forcing myself to go to sleep no later than midnight because the suicidal thoughts have gotten really bad during the night. I feels like no matter what I do it doesn't change anything and I can't move from the starting line.I fear that due to my life long isolation and complete lack of social skills and accomplishments I am now permanently stunted and locked out of companionship, I feel like I ended up at the bottom of a hole I will never be able to get out of and the walls are slowly but steadily closing in.I just don't know what to do anymore and death is the only thing that brings me any peace of mind.
>>8099912I'm getting tested in a couple months, and, I'm pretty sure I understand what you're sayingPainfully so.Potentially learning that a mental illness, a factor that I may have bent my sense of self around all of my life, coping through means which shaped me, I fear irreparably, not always in a good way, though also in some, is actually there, and the that I have a "true" reason for my struggles is.... It feels like a sentence, more than a diagnosis."You will never not have this; your struggle does not end: it is you."Therapy is demotivating.But necessary, I'm afraid. It's hard to reach, too.I've lost my partner of 10 years a month ago.They left without being able to formulate a good reason themselves. Just knew they wanted to try another life. Only, turns out I apparently don't fit in that life.I don't know what to make of it. But it's better if I move on.I will.Now I'm back in my home city.But I never kept contact with old friends. I let every one of them slip through my fingers over time.I've never dated casually.I've never "made friends" outside of already established circles, or school.And I'm now closer to 30 than 25.I will say this though.Through this bullshit my partner put me through when they broke us up, something did show up in me.Something that really hurts.I need to try getting close to other people, again.And I need... Closeness. To someone...All in due time, however. I'm still learning to liver alone, again. Haven't done that since I was a student.
>>8099912Dude, getting a diagnosis for ADHD in your mid twenties is quite the journey but you might just find the missing link. It will not solve the puzzle but will set you out for a new journey.I've been diagnosed at 26 and have started medication shortly after, now going on for 1 1/2 Years.In my experience trying to better yourrself, interact with your surroundings, keeping realtionships etc. feels like a Variant ofthe Einstein quote about Insanity. You dont go insane by trying the same thing repeatedly and expecting a diffrent result. Having undiagnosed adhd and wanting to better yourself feels like trying EVERY possible thing, yet being condemned to the same outcome. Getting a diagnosis, medication or any other reasonable treatment for this neural disorder won’t switch life to easymode, but allow you to face it, rather than support the avoidance when consulting your resentments.Feeling like you've wasted so much time may not go away, but understanding how and why allows you to be more at ease with it.Being able to reduce impulsivity and getting the ability to attend is likely to reduce impluse buying or increase your income.In my expericene my social skills have not been a direct improve after learning to live with my diagnosis and meds. But seeing how i actually can be on time, focus on things that matter, get work done etc. i've been more confident and let me have my social interacions not solely rely on self depricating jokes as a coping mechanism.You propably have it burnt in your brain through school life how insufferable it is to sit on homework you just cant seem to focus on and people telling you, that "you JUST need to to it, sitting still for those 10 minutes IS NOT HARD". I've had my first meds right during my bachelor thesis. Going from that school and uni experience to my girlfirend coming to me and saying "you've been at your desk writing and reading for about 5 hours now. Thought that topic wasnt that interesting"You will make it
>>8098862History is a circle, not a line
>>8099209>That and I hate corporate cultureThe cop life is just answering calls from a car and doing paperwork 97% of the time
>>8099918>no skills, no goals, and only a shitty part time job that hardly pays anything, but I can't focusThis is what's keeping you from having friends. You have to build a life worth sharing before you can share it. Sometimes you and some other guys can all start from 0 and build together, but that path is usually reserved for kids, since it's hard to find people at 0 unless they're forced into your proximity (e.g. at school)
Life has been good these past few years. I'm about to graduate, and I think my friends would say my presence is appreciated.Also, I might ask a cute lady at my gym out. Keep u posted
In the past year I've literally watched two family members die of cancer (One was 78 the other is 51). And honestly it got me thinking how short life can be, I cant help but think how much of my life i've wasted away doing fuck all.I dont go outside, i eat like shit, i have no job, no friends, I still live with my parents at 28 (How fucking embarrassing is that?), all I do is sit on my computer. I've almost entirely lost interest in playing games also. Its like I'm at a new low point in life where I'm so deep in a hole I cant get out of it.I'm at a loss of what to do anymore and I feel like im at my wits end when it comes to continuing. I've lost motivation in almost everything at this point. Maybe its because I am afraid of change? Maybe its because even with efforts I wont make it in life? I just want to wake up one day and not feel fucking miserable. I just want to be happy one day with someone else who care me. But I am just withering away it seems slowly, and after seeing people around me die from something horrible like cancer, I always feel like that is my future and its closer then I think.How ironic, being afraid of death but not wanting to live in the first place.I'm rambling too much...
>>8100066Just grab a bag, water, and snacks and find an moderate hiking route near you and things become easierDo it every weekend for 2 months and you will find your life change
I have been thinking about friends drifting apart.One of my friends has started seeing a girl and has started ignoring all the messages and calls our friend group has made.Thing is, we have tried to gently let him know from the beginning that he can do better. The girl doesn't seem to have any life other than basically spying on him through his social media profiles (He already gave her his passwords; I really don't understand this one, relationships are built on trust, does she not trust him enough to not ask for his private social media profiles?).One example of her and when we actually found out she had access to his accounts was when I was jokingly replying to one of his instagram posts and calling him hot basically.She messaged me from his account and told me to delete it and we knew he of all people wouldn't care about the message. Why should she get a say in what her boyfriend's friend-group does?After that, our entire friend-group started to dislike her and as I mentioned previously started talking less with us and now doesn't even pick up our discord group call.Our best guess as to why started dating her is probably because of his low self-esteem. She gave him attention after his break-up. Helped him get over the ex.Regardless, it doesn't seem like there's anything we can do to help. He has to be the one to step up and make the right decision for himself.
I've struggled with the idea of success for a long time. I have a lot of close and great friends, and have either directly or indirectly enriched the lives of dozens of people around me.But no matter how often I hear about these things and are reminded of my influence, I can't ever really soak it in. I think part of it is mostly trying to keep my ego in check, but it's also because none of these details have brought me money. I feel like a loser because I never have money, and any attempt I've made to better my life that way has simply never worked out. I just don't know what to do, I don't want to give just to get in return, but I need something to push me forward in life.
I'm considering ending it all.
maladaptive daydreaming about suicide
hello anons. i've been struggling recently to know what i really want out of life. the usual mid-20s thing i guess.i'm currently studying law. i'm doing pretty well academically, have a competitive portfolio and by all metrics stand a pretty good chance of finding well-paid employment. i have quite a few friends and i'm enjoying my current hobbies. so by all metrics i feel like i would be happy. like plenty of people would want my life and would think i would be happy.i've tried gratitude and it helps. i really do appreciate everything that goes well in my life. but i somehow feel like something's missing. like i don't know what this is all for like i don't know if i'm doing things because i want to do them or because it's expected of me. i like what i'm studying and i'm good at it but it still feels miserable at times. i suppose there's a lot of stress. i feel like people expect me to do well based on past performance and if i can't deliver on that, i'm lesser somehow. they don't say it to my face explicitly but i somehow still feel it. i don't know, maybe having everyone have no expectations would be worse? this summer i don't really have much of a break. i'm squeezing in as many internships as i can handle. i feel like the pressure of keeping up with everyone around me is constant. and i just wonder if this is what life is like now will it really get any better? is this really all going to be worth it?my grandfather got dementia a few years back and looking at his slow decline it's scaring me a little. he worked really hard until his 80s and after retirement he had nothing to do. that's how the dementia started. is that going to be me? and empty husk after retirement, devoid of purpose and meaning now that work has let me go?i don't know what i want. or if i know in my hear but i just lack the courage to pursue it.
>>8100390Would you still choose law if the pay was low and the job market was weak ?
>>8100371Don't do it, man
>>8098749testing
>>8100371Suicidal thoughts aren't about yearning for death, but rather about wanting to relinquish life. Life can change, but death is permanent. Keep that in mind.
So many suicidal anons please just find one activity outside that you like doing and try it. We feel so disconnected from nature and the earth behind society that we feel trapped in our head and the despair it feeds us.
Spring is here again. I can't believe how fast life is moving these days. I know there is actual scientific reasons behind the connection between getting older and time moving faster, but it still shocks me regardless. I'd love to feel one of those endless summers again, like you do when you're a child. I've always been very active and energetic, but this last year or so I'm starting to feel like my body is too tired to keep up with my energy levels. I keep thinking I'm going to have the same energy to bounce back from anything that I did in my teens and early 20's and sadly, it's just not true. I've been taking afternoon naps in the last year or so and I've never needed to do that before. I hate the idea of getting older and slower, losing the ability to do whatever I want without needing to consider my body that much. It's inevitable, but in the same way that I thought school would never end when I was younger, I have always thought I would never slow down at all. Just another lesson to learn, I guess.
Working on becoming a 3d modeler learning and how to make fantasy landscapes and fantasy armor are the best thing about it. Some anons may be depressed but always remember that its not worth to overthink things specially if we as normal humans are targeted by many things in life think for your self and research what makes you happy and life goes on.
>>8100666I fear torpor, and I dread aging in that manner. I'd like to say I’d simply resist it and endure the discomfort, but aging seems to erodes the will too.
>>8100667I hope you meant becoming a 3d modeler as a hobby, because even before AI the job market for that was terribly weak, which sucks because it requires very high artistic and technical skills. And no harsh feeling, but that wallpaper is the most outrageous AI slop I've seen on this board.
I need a rest. The job, which I love, demands quite a lot of mental resources. And days seem all so similar to each other. I want a summer to come sooner. I want adventures, nature and travel a bit. I want to meet new people and make the most out of the time before world becomes grim. I don't know, but I can't shake the feeling. Living next door to Russia in that regard helps very little. Oh, and my car has something like burned out valve and the cylinder head is coming off so, y'know, that shit'll cost heavens knows how much...
>>8100371But why?
I don't know what I should get for dinner. I'm not hungry but it's almost 6 PM and I haven't eaten shit today.
>>8100936update: got myself a huge fuck off burrito from a local mexican place (staffed by real mexicans even).
navigating and trying to maintain this insane life thing. supporting the one close to me that I love, but yearning to reach for the new; just to do it all again. at least its cast iron.
I wanted to write about how I wish I was dead and shit but I can't be bothered. I'm just going to draw Sonic characters and watch Sonic X. Still wish I would die in my sleep though.
Given enough time, energy will rearrange itself into the same state has of right now. I will be typing this over and over for eternity. There is no escape. One has to imagine Sysiphus happy has they say...>>8100371Its already too late, if you wanted to end it all, you had to do it before everything, before life.If you have no reasons to live, you have no reasons to die either. sit down, remove your shoes and experience your univers.
>>8098749I feel lonely and like I'll never get out of my rut. I should probably stop self medicating.
>>8098955This reminds me of the old temple of time in breath of the wild
>>8098749I feel lost since I got off deployment, most of my friends from my unit have left and it feels so lonely. Worst thing is my best friend is leaving soon, I am in love with her, and will never tell her because its an impossible situation. Drives me constantly mad. XZ
>>8098867The other advice given is legit, you either have to break the cycle with getting involved with some new things or just accept the dull process and finsih you're degree. I challenge to you find other things to get into... clubs, projects, side hustles, ect.>>8099051Been in a similar situation, if its not a mirror and they don't see you the same way you see them, then save yourself. Don't put in effort to something that's not going to yield any fruit. Moving on is hard. You may suffer from regression along the way, but be aware of it and keep moving forward. You got this!>>8099193Look into the Orthodox Church.>>8099693Reach out to people you know and see if they got anything going on in thier occupational lives that might be an in for you. Half the time it's who you know/talk to rather than what you see online or where ever you look for whats next. >>8100027Happy for you. Remember what you have now, so when the bad comes, you know how far you have come to earn all of that. Go get 'em tiger!
>>8100371Please don't do it. Know whateever troubles you there is a path forward. You have only one life, its worth living. >>8100390Its okay to not know what you want or what to do in college. Pressure to perform is a real thing, but remember that you are doing all of this for you - and not anyone else. You may not even end up liking what you do after you get your degree, but whoop-de-doo. Lots of people do not end up working in the same field they studied in and some even go for new degrees after. I spent the bulk of my early years working souly on my career and I regret it. I did not socialize enough and I let some relationship fall by the wayside. Work can stay at work, take time for yourself and the people you care about. Thats how you avoid working until 80. >>8100666The big changes are hard to make all at once, if you want to be more active work on the smaller things. Tired? Use some caffiene or find something productive to occupy your time. Sleep is for the dead.>>8100667Well said! We are all on this rock together and are never alone.
>>8100151>I really don't understand this one, relationships are built on trust, does she not trust him enough to not ask for his private social media profiles?Basically, yeah. Girls who act like this have usually been cheated on by their previous partners and develop acute anxiety surrounding their partner's activities as a result. My fiance's friend has been going to therapy for it for two years and is only just started to date again this year. Still, keep that door open for your friend when or if things go south with them.
Glad we're back, pals.
At what point does a lie really hurt? It depends on the outcome-, but how can you know where the road leads before it is paved? A guess-, something that weighs risk and reward. But even if you get away with it, benefit from it, does the burden of carrying it in the first place take a toll greater than the value of success? I suppose time will tell.
I associate this wallpaper with freedom from lust. Medusa's Myth is of a woman who thought she was prettier than the gods themselves, so a virgin goddess cursed her. The only way to win against such monster is by never looking at it, otherwise it will make you hard as a rock. Literally. It's easy for me to associate being petrified with an erection. I do think there's some virtue in not succumbing to primal urges as I've seen too many getting their lives ruined because they chased some bad pussy.It has a weird resolution but it fits nicely as a WhatsApp wallpaper. I am almost sure I already posted this here, but I'm posting again some wallpapers I'm pretending to delete.
I think I found this one on Reddit. I know I always liked pirates as a kid, and the golden palette of this image is really appealing to my eyes. It's comfortable. I used it before the pandemic and now I associate it with more hopeful times. Not that today isn't hopeful. But I'm a bit older today and I feel that some doors have closed. The sea has no doors, though.
I have this stupid habit of associating Christian virtues with Greek myths. Prometheus' sin was to bring fire to humanity, which is to give independence to a race lesser than the gods. He's the martyr of men, punished by being tied to the highest mountain of Caucasus and having his liver eaten by a vulture. Every day, his liver regenerated and the vulture came back. Eventually, he was freed by Hercules, a demigod, whose father was a god but whose mother was a human. I associate this with patience. Sometimes there's nothing you can do except eat shit. I hate that the first thing I look at is that plump ass.
Pitch black wallpaper from when I was detoxing but still had to use my phone. I paired this with Niagara Launcher without icons, greyscale, and a privacy screen protector that happened to make my phone less shiny, but that wasn't intentional.Plain old nothing.
I forgot to attach it but fuck it. It's just a pitch black wallpaper. Not worth posting anyways.This one makes me think of grandpa. He was a strong man, worked on his farm for his whole life. He couldn't give much to my father, but he taught him to work hard and to be honest, and that was enough for him to make a name for himself. I have more than every single one of my ancestors because of my dad. Truly simpler times. The old timer never saw the sea. I can do it whenever I want, so much it became something trivial.
This makes me feel isolated. I'm not alone anymore, but there was a time where that's all I wanted. It's weird to have good friends, good mentors, a good girlfriend, and have the old psycho inside you reject all you built. Sometimes my love for life simply wanes. I feel so alien. When I was younger this was mistaken for maturity, but I that doesn't sound right.It's not possible to live alone.Even someone as spiteful as me can recognize that.
Thoughts are harmless.
I wish I still had fun playing video games.
>>8101879Don't worry, you'll start enjoying them again. Saying that as I experienced the exact same thing last year.Just remember that everything is to be done in moderation.Attached a Bioshock Infinite image because that's the game I've started recently.What I got from the last two games is that Lamb was a bitch and Ryan was a man of conviction.The last monologue given by him is just peak gaming to be honest.
scared of the future. worried about my mother. missing my ex girlfriend. worried i won't be able to renew my bank card (has to ship it internationally) for my online job. thinking the grind isn't worth it either ways.... and looking forward for my day off tomorrow, when hopefully i'll spend it practicing proper escapism and not dwelling on everything. wanting a shoulder to cry on, but i'm a man.
If it's brown, flush it down
RELEASE
I'm evil
My wife confessed she has a bukkake kink and I'm trying to figure out what to do about it.
>>8103167what do you mean? you have a nice time
I am horribly depressed. I feel like it's never going to get better, and that my life is a mistake. My parents pretty much are open that I was unplanned and they only married because I was born, and I feel as though they resent me for having autism and causing them to get marriage. I'm constantly afraid my friends are all going to abandon me and they secretly hate me. I don't talk to people much outside of work because I'm afraid I'll be used as a lolcow to bully like a previous friend group did. Antidepressants have stopped working for me and I am full of despair. I want to kill myself.
I love you all.
I've been single for two years, coming to the understanding that I'm passively suicidal for the last 7 or so, I'm in my late 30s and can't hold down a job, and I'm broke. All I want is to go build a cabin somewhere, power it by solar, and just check out of society. Everything makes me more miserable. Especially because I'm a white Canadian.The older I get, the more certain it feels that eventually, I'm going to lose the battle against depression and find some way to kill myself.
>>8103201I think you should talk to your friends anon
my life is pretty great but i really wish i had a gf and dating is a fucking pain in the ass and i wish i were taller and more handsome
>>8098836You're mentally ill faggot, kys
Mental health-wise, I am hanging by a thread. But improving my situation in any way requires a continuous effort that I simply don't have the energy or willpower for. I don't know how it's going to end for me but if I don't go to therapy or change something in the near future, it probably won't be nice.
I need for everyone who loves power to please go find a fire and die in it.
>>8103167Mix milk with some cornflour to get consistency, a squeezy bottle for delivery and have at it.
>>8099918I hope you find your way. Meditation helped me, and vedantic teachings. Look up simply always awake on youtube. Let self-enquiry burn in your life and in your heart. Love
>>8103838What's wrong with being a white canadian
>>8103838Buy angelo dilullos book "awake its your turn" and let it set fire to all you know about the world and yourself. Its good stuff
I just turned 31 and I've never been in a relationship. My whole life, I’ve been trying to do the right thing, finish school, get a degree, build a career right after. Even when I was going through a really rough time at work, I couldn’t just quit and take a break. My mother got some bad test results again and we were afraid her cancer might come back. I was so stressed that I took a job 80 km away.My free time is extremely limited. I barely have time to meet someone. I travel a lot and I’d like someone who lives relatively close. But on dating apps, there’s almost no one from my town. In the past few days, there were barely five guys in my city of over 50,000 people.I’m desperate. I spend my days alone, wondering where I went wrong. Time is slipping away, and my life consists of nothing but work and nothing else.I went to therapy, but the therapist didn’t really take my problem seriously. Her advice was just to “go out more,” but the nightlife here is just tourists, teenagers, and people doing drugs.Some people say you shouldn’t force love, that it comes naturally, but that hasn’t happened to me—and I can’t wait anymore. It’s especially hard during family lunches, when all my cousins have partners and I’ve never brought anyone with me. Even my mother, in her 60s, managed to find a new boyfriend after my father passed away. I feel awful every single day.
>>8099855I think it means "doing something for cheap"
No stress whatsoever: i just gave an important test that took me months of preparation, it's Sunday and a sunny one too, i've bought some new books, it's been a week i haven't touched any social...And i feel with the heart at peace, after such long time
>>8104390>I just turned 31 and I've never been in a relationship. My whole life, I’ve been trying to do the right thing, finish school, get a degree, build a career right after. Even when I was going through a really rough time at work, I couldn’t just quit and take a break. My mother got some bad test results again and we were afraid her cancer might come back. I was so stressed that I took a job 80 km away.>My free time is extremely limited. I barely have time to meet someone. I travel a lot and I’d like someone who lives relatively close. But on dating apps, there’s almost no one from my town. In the past few days, there were barely five guys in my city of over 50,000 people.christ we're in the same boat anon. only girl i found was a long distance relationship, that never manifested into the real thing (even after 7 years). I'm 31 same as you, and I've completely stopped showing up to family events cause it serves as a reminder of where my life isn't. even chatgpt can't bring me any comfort or real advice except accepting my situation or seeing a therapist. i grind at work because it's a good distraction, but i'm already burnt out, feeling like nothing brings me happiness or a sense of self fulfillment anymore. the only relief i get is when something breaks at work, and i manage to put things back together again.going on dating apps felt like watching people flexing how nice their lives are (here's me driving, here's my apple watch centered in the shot), i couldn't connect or relate to anyone as a potential life partner, and thinking how short the next 9 years are going to be before i hit 40 drives me insane.because i couldn't fix my past relationship, i started fixing things in the house that have been broken for decades, repainting, learning about electricity, diy and hoarding tools. people visiting tell me how good everything looks, but if only they knew.
Anyone want to be friends? We can just talk and check up on each other sometimes. I'm 18 but it doesn't matter whatever age you are. I just graduated high school and it's kind of lonely now. I am kind of an emotional person and very fond of people but it's so hard to meet anyone after school. Reply to this if you want to I'll give you my TG, discord whatever (I don't like discord desu it's so trooncoded) but anything you prefer is fine
>>8104807Don't like discord it's so trooncoded**
>>8104807Don't meet people over 4chan, we're all schizos here. You'll make friends in college. Try to join a club or classes and go to the gym. Make friends there. Talk to people in stores, public transport....
>>8104018Sperm isn't the concerning part of a bukkake
>>8103201Fuck your parents. Their fault for not using a rubber. It was their responsibility to raise you and they did what they were supposed to. Forget about it. Keep taking the pills, lower the dosage week by week then finally stop. If your friends abandon you get new ones, if they secretly hate you, so what. Don't trust people too much.
>>8104928Thank you for the advice anon I'll remember it.
>>8104807post tg
>>8104807Contrary to what >>8104928 said, some of my best friends I met through 4chan (/k/ and /fit/), that being said be careful
I think I am in the worst position in my life rnI just hope things change soon. I really never asked for this.I hope you are all doing better than me
is it almost all over?
>>8101919This! After experience not feeling like playing games i've gone on a hike and done some chores.After that you not only want to play games again but you know what you wanna play (or watch if you feel like watching a series/movie)
My dad passed from a brain aneurysm about two years ago. He worked too much and didn't focus on his health. He had gotten lucky and recovered from one aneurysm two years before but just...rolled the dice poorly I guess. He was stubborn about taking medication afterwards and it took a lot of coaxing and consistent following up. He didnt like the side effects or drowsiness and played it loose - thats just who he was.He had just laid down to sleep and I woke up hearing my mum screaming. He was yelling and groaning. The last thing he said to me as I dialed for the Ambulance was "My head hurts".I can't remember the last thing I said to him. I keep thinking if there was more I could of done, or if I did too much. If I pushed a little harder maybe he would have been convinced. Maybe if I pushed less he would've been less stubborn about it. Neither answer really gives me comfort. He was only 59. The thing that sucks the most is that he'll never get to see me play out and execute on all the lessons he tried to teach me, be a granddad or just....slow down and stop working. I have this dream that plays out in my head where I have kids, he's retired and he spends time coming to pick them up from the park like he used to when I was a kid. Now I'm in my early 30s and I'm part way through playing out that dream... knowing that it wont be the same. I fucking hate it.Its hard to explain. I still have loved ones but its not the same. I've accepted that I'm never going to be okay. I just wish I said and did more. I miss him.
Even though I won't make it I must do it all anyway.
>>8104539Great news. What book did you get? You reading outside? I love sitting out and hearing the birds.
>>8106963Sorry for your loss, brother. I'm sure you've heard this a hundred times already, but you didn't cause his death. I've known people like that - work work work, I'll be fine, gotta keep busy, stubbornness when it comes to personal wellbeing, etc. I disagree with the end of your post - you WILL be okay, but it will take time. Make sure you check in on your ma (I'm sure you are). I don't know you or your old man, but I can imagine he'd be proud of you for taking the lessons he imparted and using them to build your life. I'm sure he's smiling down at you as we speak. Be well, and take care of yourself, pal.
>>8106963Hey friend. I know how you feel. My dad died three years ago of a sudden and fatal heart attack that came absolutely out of nowhere. I think of him a lot and miss him dearly. He loved me and I loved him but we spent too much of my life arguing. It was only in the last few years of his life that I felt really close to him. Right now I'm trying to find his copy of Cormac McCarthy's The Road, a book he loved and a book about the love between a father and son. I feel like reading and having that book will make me feel close to him a little bit.Ever since he died I've had an incredibly strong desire to have children, in particular a son, and establish a relationship like we had. It'll be weird to be on the other end but I'd like it very much. I'll tell my son about what a great man his grandad was and how the world would be a better place if he were here
>>8098749I got molested by my best friend when I was 12 years old and the course of my life and every major choice I have made has been dictated by how that experience affected me.
For what seems to be practically all my life, I've felt inadequate, like I just can't be good enough or fit in anywhere, and simultaneously felt as though by trying to better myself or improve my various situations, I was violating some sort of social contract, one to which I was unwillingly bound to since the day of my birth, and unescapable until my eventual demise. Of course I've fought my battles against this mental prison I've been trapped in, and many times I've even come out victorious, allowing me my various pursuits with making friends, landing decent jobs, improving my skills, and even finding love. However, it simply never lasts. One way or another, I always regress. As much as I despise these horrid depressions in my life, I can't help but always come back to them.I quit my job about seven months ago. My old co-workers miss me, and my boss says he'd hire me back, but I have no desire to yet. I don't talk to most of my friends anymore. I'm sure they enjoyed my company, but the fact that I've hardly heard from any of them since? Maybe I just didn't have that much a connection with them anyway. Improve my skills? I could do that. Just give me some time, I'm sure I'll get around to doing that any day now... Don't ask me about love. It exists to waste your time.I gotta get out of this little funk of mine. No more throwing all my life away on the computer. I have enough money to pay my rent for a while longer, but I need a job. I wanna try getting into the whole acting business. Amateur voice work, standing around as an extra, whatever! I just gotta get my foot in the door, and I can get my big break, and finally break out of my wretched cycle once and for all. This little idea of a possible, yet likely very distant future is one of the only things keeping me going.If you read through all that crap, then congrats; you get a little bit of trivia. This image was taken by my buddy in March of 2024, as we were driving west through Flagstaff, AZ. Helluva place.
im 25 and im starting to release that "dying alone" isnt the remote possibility that i thought it was.
im tired of life in so many ways. i keep hunting for a relationship, from app to app. it just seems so pointless. im too ugly or fat or what i cant sayall i do is work and play games, have hardly any friends, and see them even less. The only things i have to live for are my mom and brother. even then i think about killing myself everyday, they would be better off without me im sureDoes God care? i dont know. im just tired of the world, but im still trying to find something to live for outside of my mom and brother. i try and dont know why
>>8108441Go outside, work out, lose weight, stop eating junk and playing games all day, work on your social skills, take care of yourself and appearance, have a good sleep schedule and routine, seek therapy or help if you need it, regain confidence and faith in yourself.
OK, so I have multiple things.So some time ago I joined the Army. Kinda out of a sense of adventure. I always wanted to become a soldier. Not really sure why tho. My contract goes 15 years in total here in my country (not the US) and I signed because I was sure Im gonna love it. Now it's too late to turn away.Now I'm starting to have some serious doubts. Not because of some imminent war or anything of that sort. More like I'm seeing what I'm missing. I rarely see my friends, I don't date, I can't sign up for any clubs because I'm always on the move (from one course to another) I can't even play any video games because I'm sharing my room with a superior (which means I'm pretty much confined to my bed and I don't have ANY space for my pc, which also means I can't talk to my friends over discord etc.). I spend most of my time inside the barracks, which is really depressing desu (don't have a car). I can't afford an apartment (which wouldn't be worth it because I'm never actually staying at one place for longer than a month).It kind of just feels like I'm not really living life... I can't just call in sick and just go on a hike like I used to do before the military.And the job I'm doing isn't even that fun. Were rarely outside. I'm either just sitting around my room or I'm doing some bullshit work for some sgt that I'm 100% NOT trained to do. And the people I work with... Man, I thought that this (the military) is a place for hard-working people with motivation but that's not true. Most here are total degenerates that are abusing every substance known to man. They're super unmotivated and look down on me for actually wanting to learn. So that's also not really nice. Here I was thinking I'm gonna become a better/fitter person, but the people I'm supposed to work with have nothing better to do than just sit around and talk about porn and raves all day.Hope It gets better some day... Have a nice day /wg/ <3
My email provider I had since the nineties went out of business. It was apparently the last one on earth not to require you already have an email address in order to sign up for an email address. Or a cell phone. Don't want one of those goddamn things listening to the conversations around me.>you VILL vear ze ankle monitorFuck that shit.And of course, email address is a mandatory field on job applications. Guess I gotta find an Amish community to live in or something.
>>8108455You want to smoke some spice, aka K2
>>8098836For everyone in this thread. God came to give you rest, answers, hope, plans for the future, and He came to give you real life.Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV[11] For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. [12] Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. [13] You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."God loves you and he wants to give you all these things. That's His promise, and by extension it's my promise to you anon because I love Him and He did these things for me too.
>>8100371not worth it bro
>>8107349I hope you're going to therapy, anon. I know it hasn't been easy.
I feel like my life is on hold. I recently came back home after living abroad for a couple of years. I miss being there so much. I am not sure how I will ever go back there under the same circumstances. I should probably give up and start actually living here, but I am simply unable to create any roots here because my heart is there.
>>8108597You've made me break my lurking cycle of almost 5 years. I've lived a very similar life and have felt the same lack of home since I moved home from abroad. In that time I've moved 4 times, completed a Masters, started a new career and out of no where these few days have had an unexpected pregnancy with my partner.All this happening I've felt like a shell of a man. I've kept moving because I know that's what I need to do.Be present in the life you have now or regardless of what you do you will still feel like a husk. Nostalgia is nothing but a lie.
>>8100390>>8100390>>8100390Many of us have been here, regardless of the area of study. I'm halfway through law school, but consciously chose to go into at 28y.o. to readjust my career. Law can be very fulfilling. Look into public interest litigation firms; non-profit firms. This is "cause lawyering"/"impact litigation" and is really more about taking selective cases in a larger effort to change the law through the courts, rather than through legislation. It is filled with purpose and many find it very meaningful. And if you really don't like the idea of being a litigator in a courtroom, many of these firms have policy teams which work on legislation. Beyond law firms—there are many policy non-profits which handle legislative reform in the states and federal government. Pay is good depending which firm/org you are at. You won't be making $250k+ like at big law, but 6 figures is very realistic by your 30's. If you hate law and can't stand the thought of 9-6pm at a firm for the next 45yrs+, get out now and stop accumulating the dept. But don't quit because you feel confused or because you don't love law school. Do it because you have actually found something else more meaningful which strikes you as worthy of pursing. Your state of confusion and doubt about the future is totally normal. Dwelling on it and thinking about yourself is not only unhelpful but psychologically hurts. Stop thinking about yourself and how you feel That hurts your chances. Start thinking about you future and what you actually could do. You'll be amazing athwart you can discover and unlock in yourself if you seriously start asking yourself the right questions. Good luck.
I got into med school, I actually got into med school.
My wife and I are struggling to have a child. After trying for years with not even a pregnancy scare we are now on our second round of IVF and so far have had very limited success due to her having early onset menopause. I know it is still possible that things will work out but the concept of us not having a family is becoming very real.We love each other deeply and it wouldn't break our marriage if we are unsuccessful but the reality of where we are in life has been very hard for both of us to deal with. I'm not sure how badly it will affect her if we are unable to have a child but I know it will likely be baggage that I will carry for a long time.Hardest part is that we are just waiting. Always just waiting for a glimmer of hope and good news but knowing it may never come.
>>8108965Congrats bro.Its hard as balls but worth it.
>>8098863same here bro. All we can do is attempt to more actively work harder at involving ourselves with what little interests we have and to try to make life a bit better for those around us while we're here. it's a tough slog.
>>8109404have you considered adoption?
>>8099187I get the depression and anxiety, and it always feels like there is so much shit to try and keep up with. this is great stuff man. i really wanted to work in comics for a long while but I was only okay at the ilustration, I didn't do great with varied facial expressions and my colouring was shithouse. best of luck with the future.
>>8099199>When you are a cop, you don't really have to use your moral compass, you just do as your told.Unironically the one thing that let me know I could never be military or a cop, I tend to think too much
>>8100066moved back in with my folks as I'm 43 and can't afford to buy in this housing marketit can always be more embarrassing
>>8100552GREAT point.
>>8098863ahh same here. i had a second wind in life when i discovered art and drawing, but it feels like it all went away when i realized how narcissistic i had become with trying to earn big numbers on social media.i got rewarded for my learning way too fast, and then i hit a plateau. and everything began feeling unrewarding, all the hard work behind drawing a splendid picture began to feel empty, since it marks a tiny milestone in my life compared to the breaking through the first art milestone years ago. the self-doubt and self-critique never got easier.i never been a terribly social person, which is why i preferred the anonymous forum of 4chan, but when people started respecting my skills and style, i began to feel like i had purpose in life. but when it started feeling empty, the pursuit becoming chasing another momentary high, it all fell apart. i forgot why drawing gave me purpose in the first place, that drawing to pass the time inbetween moments of wretched existence and learning new techniques for the sake of my own pursuits was what was keeping me alive.nowadays i wonder if i just need another medium to keep going, or if i need to apply myself toward learning more advanced art tips and techniques. either way, i'm pretty damn tired.it certainly didn't help me build a stable footing in my life financially, and my once-beloved past-time had became a small hell for me to revisit and relive the glory days. and overall i just feel detached from other creators, at the end of it all.maybe i just need to shed the old profile i built up and start again from scratch, and become an art beginner all over again. or, like i said, find another medium to express myself. it's hard to find that third wind, i guess.
Life hits hard. Just remeber to keep pushing anon. Don't give up. There is always something worth living for. The small things matter, and don't let others talk you down.
I'm 28. I've been through a lot. Good things and bad things. I'm lucky to be able of apprecieting the good ones. Somehow i'm in the best time of my life, in a chaotic way.I'll start with the good ones: a coworker from another city, Lily, became my best friend, she's been really supporting, understanding and seems to like spending part of her time talking with me. We don't see eachother much, but when we do, I feel really confortable. She's a great human being. Also, my last tenant offered me the house to buy it. It's not a huge nor the nicest house, but I can afford it, and son, if everything goes well, will me mine. Not a lot of people of my age can say the same. It's a reason to keep the good spirit up, and something to fight for. I started to work out a couple moths ago, and my self-steem is higher than ever. It's helping me to not get sad too, but I know, deep down, it's just distracting me from de bad things:I recently got divorced after a short 3 year marriage. We got married with plans of buying a house and form a family. A lot of bad things happened when we were together an both got into depression, separately, so we split up and she moved to another city and I'm back at my parent's who get into arguments every day. The first weeks being alone, I noticed all of my friends were gone, they didn't have time for me except one, my best friend. He was the only one who didn't matter what, he was available to hang out or just get a couple of beers. But a moth ago, his mental health got worse since of his addiction to meth, so his family got him into an asylum. Now I do nothing but work, go to the gym and sleep. As I said, Lily has been a huge support and without her, i'd be deep down depressed, but I can't help but think, that maybe, i'll be alone in the end, with no one to share what I may get
>>8109622Maybe I should clarify that the friend who got into the asylum is a male lifelong friend. Not Lily, who I just met months ago
>>8098863The most problematic thing in what you say is passion. Relationships are not necessary. Living alone is not a problem in itself, if you are happy being alone. Money does not seem an issue for you, so that's also beside the point.Basically you don't have a passion, a hobby or something that drives you.Which means that you have to try a new hobbie or interest yourself into something new, or a few different things, to change the pattern you are stuck in now.
I’ve been working in a startup for a year and a half. My salary is fucking garbage. Compared to my skills and what I actually do, no one believes it.But the truth is, the company is honestly perfect for me, except for the salaryBut I’m 26. Money fucking matters nowSo I’ve been looking for a better job for a while. Today, I got an offer. From a much bigger company. Double the salary. Still not great, but it’s a start. I should be really fucking happy right now, right?I’m not. Not even close.Two months ago, a new colleague joined the company. Same team. Her desk is right in front of mine. She’s insanely smart, sharp as hell, and somehow I found someone I could actually be myself around. Its rare in such a conservative society like here in Egypt to find someone so progressive and open-minded, specially in a town far from the capital.. I told her I don’t believe in Islam. Don’t believe in any religion, actually. And I even shared my anonymous Twitter with her — the one where I post all my anti-religion, anti-regime, borderline illegal shit. Stuff that could get me fucked.And she was cool with it.It wasn’t just that though, which is already huge. She became the one person I don’t filter myself around. I feel safe. And yeah, I caught real feelings. I love her. We talk all day, literally 1000+ WhatsApp messages a day, and in person at work, its even better. We vibe so fucking well.And now I have to fucking leave.The motherfucker companies are suddenly interested in me. Not only today’s offer, I’m expecting another soon. Everything says go. Logically, I should go.But my heart is screaming no. I’m in real pain.Some guy’s gonna be interviewed to replace me. I can’t imagine him sitting at my desk, facing her, talking to her every day. living what I had.Should I throw away a good opportunity just because I’m too fucking weak to walk away from something Im emotionally attached to?I should be happyBut all I feel is pain
>>8109782You say you love her and vibe so fucking well but...dude does she even know you have these feelings? You only talk with her during office hours. Sounds like you need to propose a date and this could be a risk, but also you would know what to do from now on.If you date her and work in an other company, it shouldn't be a problem.
>>8109782Take the new jobyou’re underpaid, undervalued, and you know itloyalty to a company or a crush won’t pay your bills, build your future, or secure your freedom, especially in a place where you have to watch your back for speaking your mindFeelings don’t override life’s reality, you don’t even know if she feels the sameIf she does, great, tell her, make a move before you leave. if she doesn’t, then what the hell are you staying for?Don’t let comfort or fantasy trap you.
>>8109782take the job man. you don’t even know if she returns your feelings. don’t fuck it all up for something you can’t be sure of.
>>8099194I went to jail. I met a girl there, she could only hear the words I said but couldn't understand the meaning. She's dead now.
>>8107948So, small update, my old boss called me last week and asked if I wanted to come back to work for him. One of his other employees needs to take some time off to see his dying mother, just for a month, and I would be filling in for him. I haven't gotten any other leads yet on an acting gig (mostly because I haven't gotten off my ass and done it yet) and I've been more and more worried about my finances, so I reluctantly accepted the offer. I start this Monday.Even though I'm only gonna be doing this for a month, I still can't shake this dread that I've been feeling. This isn't what I want at all, man. Going back to work at my old job, feels like I'm regressing, like I'm still just stuck in the past and not facing the future moving forward. Can't back out now, though, already made a commitment. I'm not gonna do my boss dirty like that by quitting already.This whole thing might turn out to be a blessing in disguise for me, since I at least have a reason to leave the apartment now. Maybe I'll soon have the motivation to actually give a shit about myself, and start actually trying to fulfill my passions. No more wallowing in misery, I hope...Sorry about the last paper, didn't really see how blurry it was when I posted it (I was drunk at the time) so here's a better-quality one. This was taken in Zion National Park a couple days later. The greatest thing about these parks is the complete silence you experience, something a city slicker like me never gets to have. The drive through south Utah was something magical too. I'd like to return there someday, make sure I wasn't just imagining all that beauty.
I feel like the only cure for what ails me is to lure everyone who loves power more than me to one place, dust off and nuke the site from orbit.
>>8098749Found out today that my grandfather, the man I always looked up to, who taught me important things, the only person in my neglected childhood who cared about me, the man who's death left deep deep scars, was infact a god damn fucking child raping pedophile. Never messed with me, always looked out for me, chewed out my piece of shit parents to their face too. How the fuck am I supposed to feel now? I looked up to him because he deserved to be looked up at. He has done so much for so many people, a real fucking man who stood up multiple times for others. I guess my mother and cousin could be just lying but it'd be quite a conspiracy. So, currently drinking, smoking, listening to music and looking at cool papes. Shoot me in the fucking head>>8099693Fucken saved>>8104552Is this art style called something?>>8110137Cool pic
>>8110876I get your pain. Finding out someone you look up to is not exactly who you think they are is one of the worst pains out there. I had that happen multiple times. I sadly can't share any tips on getting over the shitty feeling as I genuinely don't know how I dealt with it and how I'll deal with it once it inevitably happens again. I'm sorry for not adding anything of value but I want you to know that we could talk about it if you feel like it would help.
>>8098749Both my parents had major health scares in the last two months. Dad's got congenital heart failure and had a near heart attack in May and Mom had a seizure from the stress of dealing with that. Parent's having failing health is a part of life but they're both still relatively young, only 48. They aren't the best parents, but they're the only ones I got. Scared I'll lose them both soon.
A year or two ago I remember coming across a guy who flew across the US to meet up with a girl that he's liked for years who was now finishing up her PhD program. Not sure if you're still around, but hoping things worked out for the best for you. I remember last time you wrote on here things ended on an ambiguous but positive note.Meanwhile nothing happened with me. I wasn't able to meet up with her the couple of times I came back to visit my state, and our chats slowly started to fizzle out. My gut is telling me she's with someone else now. Part of me is happy for her cause I do like her and wish her the best... but another part of me has that "what if I was braver and asked her out" though. I'm 24 now and still I can't believe it. I remember coming here at 16/17/18 and 24 feeling like it’s so far away. I had such high hopes for this age, thinking that I’d be an adult and have things more or less figured out. Instead I feel more lost than ever. I made a long post describing what happened in my life, but reading it back it felt like nonstop complaining from my end. I just need to go ahead and work harder to build the life that I would want living instead of this purgatory I found myself in. Cause what I'm doing right now isn't living.
I miss my friendsI'm 22 and at this point I'm really starting to see things happen to people I knew. Friends I went to school with. Girls we used to chase as kids. I've seen people lose themselves to drugs. I've already seen some friends die. I'm watching people I grew up with become gamblers and drinkers. I've seen some of them turn into bad people. Others have left the country and never come back. Just left without a word. Some people I used have such great times have become ill because of the drugs they got involved with when we were kids. I think of one friend who used to have such a great smile and laugh. I haven't seen that smile or laugh since 2016. I miss my friends. I miss them all. But I have hope that someday God will reach out His hand and guide us all home.And then, at last, we shall all be healed.To everyone in 2016, I miss you.
Just ended things with a friend of 7 years yesterday. I won't be at his wedding. Several of our mutual friends will never speak to me again probably.
>>8099193> 135 days and 11 hours agoDamn, things really didn't panned out as planned. I did took a different position at another company, I'm also more conscious about divinity, and everything in my life improved since that post.Not much is on my mind nowadays, just thinking that wasting time might be the best way to spend it, just don't waste it recklessly.>>8110876Rough. I've heard that people are like cut diamonds - in the sense that they have many faces - but unlike diamonds, not all of them are pretty. In fact, most are far from it. I think it's best to judge people based on first-hand experience. Good luck sorting your thoughts out.
>>8111974Do you mind sharing the story?
>>8108416You have no idea how young and full of possibility 25 is. If you think you're even in the vicinity of "dying alone" get the fuck off 4chan and grow some balls. Go seize life while you can, no insecurity and trepidation is worth the complete helplessness you'll feel if you're stagnant and hopeless a decade from now. Seriously, get the fuck off 4chan if you're using the anonymity to foster some kind of bucolic woe-is-me personality and you're not even 30. You are so naive and dumb you don't even know how stupid you sound. Please, go live your life the way you want to. You have time.
>>8112031If you've read The Trial by Kafka it was quite like that.I got accused of an unspecified crime involving 2 girls, in my own house by a friend I invited in, right before I went to speak at my brother's wedding. I couldn't give the speech as I hadn't eaten or slept properly since. For 2 weeks I did not know what I had done to my friends. Eventually, it was realised that it was all just a big misunderstanding, but it showed the rifts that had opened up between us. So we went our separate ways, except none of the mutual friends came with me. I am on my own.
>>8109782You keep saying "i should be happy". That's where you're wrong.Happiness is not something you deserve or that you earn. You end up feeling moments of happiness but it is not something that stays forever. Being content is already hard to get.And your happiness shouldn't depend on having more money or being with a woman. You should start focusing on yourself instead of hoping that somehow being with a woman or having a bigger salary will make you happy.That said, it sounds like getting this new job is a good choice. Forget the girl, talking to a collegue non stop is not dating. If you haven't asked her out by now, you won't.
I'm hungry
I wonder if we'll ever get back to where we were, or if the damage is too severe to recover from.
>>8106413Gem of a pape, thanks anon
Feeling a bit aimless and stuck even as I approach my mid-30s. Lonely too but fear of rejection after my last breakup has just sort of made me accept that I'm going to be alone.
>>8105009>>8105099You guys still around? I totally forgot about this thread. If you are my TG is@Manykittensmore Or anyone else who wants to talk and be friends or whatever hmu
>>8098955this reminds me of elden ring
Die son of a bitch.
Just found out that my ex, who had no sex drive with me, has been having crazy sex with her roommate. I've known the guy for years and she told me that I have nothing to worry about as she doesn't even view him as a man. Guess something changed.I can't really blame her for falling out of love with me. She gave me way too many chances and I pushed them all away. I was never there. She invited me on trips and events and for support but I could never be there for her, with work or family always getting in the way. Now I realize that they were all bullshit excuses, and it hurts thinking to how many fun memories I missed with her. How many experiences I'll now never have. Despite knowing full well that dwelling on the past is pointless my mind just can't help but hyperfixate on the what if. What if I was stronger, what if I could do more. What if our relationship was more than just shooting each other messages while I was living across the country. Meanwhile this dude was there for literally everything, and for years. He got to see all that I missed. And I can't help but feel at least a ting of jealousy for that.They got together after we broke up so there was no infidelity but it still stings, especially since I only recently realized that I really do love her and was finally in a position to spend more time with her. I know that she definitely wasn't the one for me, I just wish we had more time.
My wife is having severe issues with interacting with me when it comes to cleaning. I do clean on my own and even am usually open to doing additional work when asked. However, she has an issue with things being cleaned her way and with no questions. For example, today we were cleaning the house and she decided to womansplain how simple green needs to be rinsed off and can't be the only cleaner for a floor. I already intended on doing that so I waited calmly as she explained and then replied "I know, thank you." No sass, no attitude, no tonal changes. The right thing to do, or so I thought. She get agitated, and says "don't get mad", and when I point out that I'm not and she's the agitated one and how I'm still just cleaning, she stomps off into the room and cries. She comes out and asks me to stop getting mad, mind you I'm still cleaning and intentionally being very calm. So I ask her what I did? What set her off? She scoffs and goes back into the room and cries some more.Finally, she comes out and asks for a hug and tells me she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, also that "she was wrong and how it's all her fault". I've been married before, I know a trap when I hear one so I shut up and let her leave back into the room again. Now I'm waiting for the floor to dry and then I'll finish up the frontroom.
>>8103201We love you anon. You can do it.
From the outside my life apparently looks perfect. I'm 26, I have a good job, a motorcycle, lots of friends and I don't look terrible either.My coworkers thinks I'm a playboy, my friends think I've got it all planned out and my parents rarely reach out anymore because they assume I always have things to do.I have been finding myself drinking alone, punching walls until my knuckles bleed and then falling asleep in my clothes.I miss my old girlfriend, another bridge I burned like a fucking moron. I fear, almost more than anything, that I will never find that kind of love again.
Im 41, i have to carry everyone around me.Even my ex gf, everyone close depends on me, but i can't depend on no one for anything.
>>8098749summer is ending(literally listening to the song by kino rn)sometimes I felt like the soviet union in 1990but now it feels like 2000, with an uncertain maybe promising future ahead
>>8098749 People tried to hurt me. Tried to spread rumors about me. Dig up my past. I moved away. Im in my trade, trying to be the best version of myself. I got to church every sunday. Work every weekday. Im going to propose to my girlfriend. They told me to kill myself. Ive thought about it. Im still here now..
Love you all.
I hate who I am, or at least I hate my flaws. I think that's normal though. I'm 27, I have never had a girlfriend and I currently have no friends. Even online I feel like I have no friends, there is no one I talk to with any consistency whatsoever. Even my own family I don't talk to on any regular basis. I feel truly alone and mostly believe that if I were to end it all no one would miss me. I don't want to go to therapy because I feel convinced if I were to mention how I truly feel I would be carted away in a straight-jacket to insure I didn't redwall the therapist's room or my own. I often daydream about my life either becoming better or about life if it never went to shit. I feel like I was supposed to be some sort of great intelligent mind of the current times but I got off at the wrong bus stop. And then to think such a thing I cringe at myself for being clearly delusional.
>>8112032Why not recommend ways of "seizing life"? This is something I see very often, this "dude, bro, you're so young, live your life man" with no sort of follow upThough to be honest, as a loser myself I would just hide such information away and ignore it.
Everything seems to be more or less in order for me, yet things seem monotone, I'm not looking to any new day in my job and all that. Also struggling with self discipline when trying to reduce smoking. But yeah, I guess, really, I just need to expose myself to more bright impressions and see more of the beautiful things around me
I no longer dream like I used to. I was such a dreamer in my late teens and early twenties. Now I just feel dull and dead behind the eyes. I don't visit /wg/ and get lost in the images like I used to anymore. Something inside me has died.
You received a body.You will learn lessons.There are no mistakes, only lessons.A lesson is repeated until it is learned.Learning lessons does not end.“There” is no better than “Here.”Others are merely mirrors of you.What you make of your life is up to you.The answers lie inside you.Your answers lie inside you.You will forget all of this.You can remember it whenever you want.Suffering is a choice. (Eliminate attachment and desire)You can heal your body with mindfulness.Time isn’t real; everything is happening *now*.Your thoughts shape your reality.Consciousness doesn’t obey the laws of physics.Those who cling to fear will suffer most
Why does everyone take every single thing in their lives so seriously?I feel like I live in a completely different way to most of my friends. (Only the two of my closest friends agree with me actually)Anecdote 1, when one of my friends posted one of his drawings on instagram, it was a sketch of a woman. I commented, "She's pretty, but I know you are prettier!", he immediately messaged me that I should delete my comment.Anecdote 2, I changed my discord status to "Addicted to <Friend Name>". He immediately messaged me saying that it's weird and that his girlfriend might see it.Anecdote 3, One of my mutual friends who is pretty feminine posted an image of him and his legs were pretty far apart. So I commented "Spread those legs for me too"He removed my comment and blocked me.And these are just from the past few months. Writing this, I feel like I am the one who is taking things too seriously to be honest.But seriously, I think that everything can be joked about and I do treat everything as such. I don't get angry or defensive over light ribbing (At least I would like to believe so) and I get when someone is being sincere and when they're being sarcastic. Feel like it'd be such a drag to treat every single bad thing which happens in their life seriously. Don't these people ever just laugh?
>>8114962Are you sure they even considered you a friend in the first place? Also, it sounds like you hang around the tranny discord types.
>>8114962???
>>8114785I was you. MDMA therapy saved my life and cured my PTSD. Pursue this like your life depends on it - the future quality of your life certainly does
>>8113866Suffer the pain of discipline, or endure the agony of regret.
>>8113621Heh, why did you delete your telegram account?
>>8114964Yeah, that was supposed to be the joke.>>8114963I am pretty sure the ones from the first and second anecdotes do consider me their friends. The second one even more because he set me up with my crush.Besides, they invite me out to hang out with them and come over when I invite them instead.Also consider that I've known these guys from the 5th grade. They just had a collective personality change or something entering the 11th year. Have been the same weird serious to a fault for the past two years after. I don't know what's with that.
>>8115045Or maybe you're just lying to yourself.
My life is a mess. With my work, I have little time to dedicate to myself.It seems like something is in my head telling me I need to read books to find something I'm missing. I've read three books this year, something I've never read before, but I still haven't found what I'm supposedly looking for, but it seems like I'm on the right path.A lot of things I do feel like they've already happened (like reading books), or taking a trip, or even talking to a random person at work. As soon as I do them, something pops into my head as if it had already happened. It's crazy. I see that many people report that they've considered taking their own life. I've thought about it too, but something came to mind that I've done this in past lives and it doesn't solve anything, because it just resets your life. At some point, you'll be born again and you'll go through the same thing. It becomes a bit of a waste of time. What you really need to do is find your purpose in life and face it head-on. I know it's hard to think about facing it in these situations, but the answer is in your own mind; it wants to tell you something.I see a psychologist every week and take some medication to control it, but I know that one day I'll need to stop taking the medication and face my true purpose in this life.(Sorry for the English, I used the translator)
>>8115059That could be true as well. I don't know.
>>8100371Instead of doing that, why don’t you do the thing you wanted to do when you were young.
>>8114077I know that feeling. I'm 40 next week. The last few years I have let go of every feeling of obligation in my life. People put pressure on you even if they don't mean to. The main thing you need to do is say 'NO' and stick by it. It helps if you have your own space where no-one else can bother you. Without that it can be very difficult. I would tell people how they made me feel and I could see that they didn't want to hear it. I now treat others how they treat me perfect 50/50 split. If I don't want to do something then I don't do it.
