Do what you love, albeit do it honoring God, and never try to bend the laws of God. I once in my pursuit of God, in my frustrations with my sins, heard a voice in my mind. I knew I was tainted. Years of 4chan and browsing the deep dark web had turned me into a cynical animal, it destroyed the person who I was before. Not like people in real life didn't push me to the dark side of the web. I was frustrated with my lack of spiritual growth and the evil and cynicism that dwelt in my heart. I was convinced I was some sort of sociopath, that couldn't feel empathy or joy for others, at least not anymore. That's why I kind of see myself as some sort of cartoon halloween monster like Springtrap from FNaF. So, I went feral. In an attempt to get rid of my "demons" I not only fasted and prayed for a week I also sleep deprived myself, and found myself in a bad position. During my fasting I found out that my co-workers secretly/openly despised me because I was a damn autistic virgin that tried coming clean from years of using the dark web and it showed. It only took sending my body into a metabolic hyper shock to realize that. During fasting and praying I also figured out through hallucinations that I had some items with "cursed" attributes that do not please God in my home that needed to be destroyed/expelled from my home. Because of these visions I had gained a major depressive disorder and felt like I was destined to be an unloved autistic reject like my mother.
>>42623743It would help to fill your mind with better symbols like flowers and trees and rocks and shit. You feed your attention with various influences, and your hallucinations will very closely match whatever you feed your attention. If you draw or write you can basically tell your mind what to hallucinate.
