I was clear with my husband before we got married that I want to become a firefighter. We both wanted to start a family though, so I agreed to put that dream on hold until we had our first child and they were old enough to go to a daycare.My husband talked me into delaying until after we had a second child, and I did. Now both my children are old enough that they can go to daycare and kindergarten, but when I bring up starting my dream of being a fire fighter my husband tries to change the subject.I'm volunteering Friday to get started on the training. I've already been working out to prepare, but I'm worried about my husband trying to talk me out of this because if I put off this dream much longer I'll probably just give up on it altogether.I want to be sure I'm handling this fairly. Are there any concessions I should give him that might make it easier for him to accept?
>>34550086No, you've been clear this is what you want to do and have waited for the sake of your children. Good for you pursuing your dreams
Hey,Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but women don't make good firefightersMen are just inherently stronger, more mentally tough, build muscle quicker and mentally conditioned to to hard physical labor like firefighting compared to womenif you are still considering this role, please try for a dishwashing role on a firefighter base
>>34550102Thank you, I'm nervous but excited to finally help out in a way where you know you're doing something important to the world outside your own home.>>34550121I exercise enough that I can beat my brother at arm wrestling. So I think you might be mistaken about me there.
>>34550086Are you doing it full time or are you gonna be a volunteer? My dad was one for 20 years and in our area we only have a major fire at most once or twice a year. A vast majority of calls are for fat people being stuck, old people falling, or suicides. I heard a really nasty story before about a guy who's body got so bloated it bursted on like a balloon.
>>34550215I'm going to be volunteering, I'll be spending the rest of the time handling stuff for the kids. I know the work will probably be nothing glorious, but I'm just hoping to help people.
>>34550086You're a mother and a wife. This means your life and what happens to your own life carries consequences for people around you, specifically your husband and kids. What happens to you will affect hubby & kids. And firefighters have on average a lifespan that's 10 - 15 years shorter than everyone else. The reason the average is low is because of the obvious, dying in a fire, dying to debris collapsing on you, dying to combustion or explosive materials etc. And that's not even the main contributor to death for firefighters. Heart disease and cancer is what gets you in the end from inhaling carcinogenic smoke for a living every single week. And suicide rates are extremely high among firefighters, since you'll be listening to the sounds of women and children and grown men screaming in pain while they burn to death. That's why your husband doesn't want you to become a firefighter. You will be in a profession that risks your life constantly and shortens your lifespan of you do survive, and on top of that your ability to be a functional wife & mother will nosedive for the worse when you develop PTSD eventually from witnessing the deaths of others routinely. Your dream job is going to kneecap your family life.
>>34550086I hope you like your kids growing up without a mother and leaving a single husband behind. That's what you're doing by picking up being a firefighter instead of a mother and a wife.
>>34550566>>34550086>Continued>Are there any concessions I should give him that might make it easier for him to accept?There are none that you can give him. You will be under the employ of a fire department, so you cannot make any concessions to your husband since you won't be able to dictate what your job will entail. Your employers would decide that, not you. The only concession you could sort of make is one that says"Honey I know you're afraid I will get hurt, but I promise the minute I find things too overwhelming or if my life is at risk, I will quit."That's a concession but it's one that realistically won't happen on your end. Because if you've experienced trauma or been around a tragedy or a sudden life or death situation, the last thing you will wanna do is let go of your involvement in it, the mind digs its heels in hard to wrestle control over the uncontrollable, which is what PTSD usually entails. So by the time you get traumatized from the work, you will have changed as a person and you will most likely aggressively fight your husband for complaining or worrying about you and your career. And you will also have a very short temper and this will eventually spill out onto your kids, you'll become a scary woman who yells at her own children due to the immense mental pressures you'd be carrying after work if you've happened to have witnessed ot been involved in death.It takes very specific people to become firefighters, a specific breed of person, someone on the psychopathic spectrum usually, but not enough of a psycho to be sadistic or a dickhead, just someone who has no ability to feel fear, or remorse or regret and can get a hard job done and sleep at night. You're someone who worries over what their husband might think. I don't think you're that type of person to be pulling burned bodies out from car wrecks.
>>34550566>>34550584So what am I supposed to do? Give up my dreams that I already put off forever? I wanted to do something more exciting with my life than staying home and raising kids like my mom did.>>34550594If I didn't care about my husband's feelings why would I have married him? I understand why he's concerned because I would be worried about him being a fire fighter too. That doesn't change my dream though.
>>34550086>I want to be sure I'm handling this fairly.Okay, then shut the fuck up and do what your husband tells you.
>>34550152Can you beat your brother at dead lifts? If not then you're mistaken about yourself there.
>>34550152>I exercise enough that I can beat my brother at arm wrestling.So? That's not part of firefighting. You have to best your brother at walking a mile, running a mile, benching, and deadlift. Firefighters have to walk and climb stairs while wearing all their gear. And they have to wrestle hoses and haul people on or off stretchers.
>>34550943>Give up my dreams that I already put off forever?Everyone sacrifices their "dreams" in favor of the needs of their families.>I wanted to do something more exciting with my lifeVolunteer for something that isn't as dangerous? The problem with "excitement" as a motivator is "excitement" is incompatible with stability, which is a basic requirement for raising children.>That doesn't change my dream though.I've had plenty of "dreams" for what I wanted to do with myself as an adult. Not all of them were reasonable or feasible at every point in time in my life. Working for a VFD is not compatible with having young children. And unfortunately isn't likely to be compatible with you physically when you're older and your kids aren't as demanding of stability in your home life.I have dreamed of getting a pilot's license. But that is something I'm going to have to put off until finances are more flexible and I don't have as many daily domestic responsibilities. I also had a "dream" of running a business out of my home, and the circumstance of that being possible had to wait until a timeframe it was possible and I kept it going for 6 years, and now it's no longer possible.There's a time and a place for everything, and it sounds like your dream isn't compatible with your current circumstances.
>>34552634Cont'd>>34552634>Now both my children are old enough that they can go to daycare and kindergartenA VFD shift schedule in all likelihood is not setup to fall within the operating hours of 95% of the daycare and kindergarten program schedules in your area. That even being a reason why you could join a VFD is something you would need to have multiple open interviews with the people at the VFD about, with your husband present. For instance, Nurses have similar issues with their shift schedules and childcare needs being incompatible, and only the much larger hospital networks have the resources to provide daycare programs that are aligned with the shift requirements of the nurses.Night shift nurses for instance often can't have children in daycare without a spouse or close relative as a supplementary guardian that can supervise their kids after hours.You have to be honest with yourself about what life at a VFD is actually going to look like practically compared to what you think it would be like in your "dream". You could be stuck on third shift for months at a time, which would mean you spend little or no time with your family due to scheduling overlaps. You leave for work and your husband stays home with the kids as a single parent while you're on shift. You then get off work and are dead tired while the kids are not awake and getting ready for school.My "dream" of operating a business wasn't that upside-down, but I still missed out on A LOT of time I could have spent with my kids when they were younger.
>>34552646>I have no idea what volunteering with a fire brigade is likeokdo it OP, I volunteered with the CFA when I lived country and it was always a good timedont expect to be literally fighting flames tho- the requirements to be on the full-time team are fucking nuts
>Wahman sacrifices her family to try (fail) be "one of the boys"Many such cases
>>34550086Just do it and stop being retarded
>>34551005I care what he thinks, but I don't let him make my decisions for me.>>34551016I can't beat him at dead lifts but that's only because I don't do free weight stuff. It's all machines and such for safety and we don't have a deadlift machine at my gym.>>34552628I can do all of that without specifically beating my brother though. I'm 5'2" but I work really hard and I legitimately can handle this stuff. I work really hard to prove it and I wish people would just accept that I can do shit without challenging me about it every step of the way.>>34552634It might not be, but if I give up on my dream before I even try then I will definitely miss out on it.>>34552667I figure it will be 80% cats up trees and similar stuff given our small town being a pretty peaceful place.
My understanding is to be a paid firefighter is a very difficult and competitive role. Realistically a mother of 2 with no previous experience is unlikely to end up in this role. Healthy, incredibly active and competitive young men often can't land this role.I don't see why there would be any drama with volunteering. I think you might find the reality is not as exciting or rewarding as the TV shows. I imagine it is alot of cleaning stuff around the station and attending medical call outs for old people. That said, if it is your dream to try then you should. Serving the community in any way is a noble thing.
>>34553348>I can't beat him at dead liftsgrim. ngmi. You're gonna be lifting and toting a lot of heavy gear and there aren't gonna be any machines around to make it "safe".
>>34550943>So what am I supposed to do? Give up my dreams that I already put off forever? I wanted to do something more exciting with my life than staying home and raising kids like my mom did.Find something else that doesn't involve potentially dying on a given work day. You can find excitement without fatal risks. I am a father & husband myself and I really want to go paragliding, I also want to try wingsuit flying. If I could, I'd jump off a plane with a parachute. I'd also pay money to be able to become part of a fishing trawler ship in the Atlantic sea specifically to experience severe storms at sea and risk going overboard. But I just leave those as wishes and dreams because I know that if I were to die doing any of that, my wife and kids suffer mentally, emotionally and financially. Even if the risk was 1% odds I'd be a selfish prick to roll the dice on that just to satisfy myself. You should have the same mindset if you're a parent and a spouse
>>34550943>So what am I supposed to do? Give up my dreams that I already put off forever?what exactly is this dream that you envision?>I wanted to do something more exciting with my life than staying home and raising kids like my mom did.a job is never more exciting than spending time with your kids. I come from a family of fire fighters and its nothing glorious. Like another anon said you're basically just an ambulance driver and picking people out of holes or stupid shit like that.Just remember OP work is work and it will never be more fulfilling than spending time with your family.
this >>34550102 is the right answer. ignore the incels and trad larpers, most of whom haven't got their dicks wet this century
>>34553470You are alone and you deserve it
>>34553348>I'm 5'2" but I work really hardSo glad that the short woman will be giving it her best shot when she tries and fails to haul my unconscious body out of the burning building.
