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/r9k/ is an imageboard where there are no exact reposts.

1. If you attempt to post something unoriginal, it is not posted, and you are muted temporarily.
2. The time with which you are muted for doubles with each transgression.
3. Each mute time is 2^n in seconds where n is the number of times you have transgressed. So, your mute time doubles each time you fuck up.
4. Backlinks, eg >>1, are not viewed by the robot. So "lolwut" and ">>2 lolwut" are the same post, in the eyes of the robot.
5. Gibberish at the end of a post to force originality may result in mod intervention (no BLOX posts please).
6. Images are NOT included in the filter, only text.
7. Your mute count slowly decreases over time.
8. You cannot post a picture without text.
9. Unicode is blocked. Sorry, too many exploits (Cyrillic letters, etc).
10. Posts require a certain minimum amount of original content in order to be posted.
11. Post sane, real content, well thought out replies, and mutes are unlikely.
12. The original algorithm was designed by XKCD:
http://blag.xkcd.com/2008/01/14/robot9000-and-xkcd-signal-attacking-noise-in-chat/
>>
/r9k/ has no topic, but unlike /b/ Global Rule #3 is in effect. In addition, advice threads and camwhoring/hookup/"rate me" threads should go on /adv/ - Advice and /soc/ - Cams & Meetups respectively.

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Do not post pictures of yourself on /r9k/.
Do not post threads asking for pictures of other users.

All "rate me" and camwhoring threads belong on /soc/.

>>>/soc/

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How does that not automatically make you a cuck, /pol/? How could you raise a family with her? I don't understand it. I ask, but women and betas never seem to be able to give me an answer that isn't based on some subjective emotion or rationalization, or is just some sort of insult.

I recently met the absolute girl of my dreams -- I mean, if soul mates exist, this is it. I've known a lot of women and not a single one of them holds a candle to her -- it's just her in one category, and "all other women" in the other now. We truly and completely adore each other.

When she told me that she's been with 4 other men, including a one night stand, I felt like I was gonna throw up. If it were any other girl, I'd just laugh and tease her and not care, but not her. With that single revelation, every ounce of romantic interest disappeared for me. I still love her, but I don't want her, and I hate that.

So, what I'm asking is, if there are any actual men out there and not just butthurt sluts and slut-orbiting betas -- how am I wrong? I wish I could be okay with it, but I'm not, and I can't imagine that ever changing. It all seems like a cruel joke put on by an evil god.
72 replies and 9 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>38529240
Women are subhuman dont try to be rational, its a waste of energy.
>>
>>38529251
>your pathetic worldview will see you dying alone and unloved.
I see. Well, fuck you too then. I'm going to build the biggets bomb I can, and buy the biggest gun I can find. I'm going to take as many of you happy people with me as I can. See you in hell.

Do you see the problem here? Of course you don't. You have a very inferior intellect.
>>
It really doesn't matter to me what the girl had for breakfast if I'm cooking her dinner
>>
>>38529251
If you are baiting, good job.
If you are seriously trying to argue, terrible job.
I dont see why ( i assume a female is arguing female points and not some trans faggot or another man ) you are even bothering trying to be rational or lead these arguments when whatever you may or may not present as an argument is based purely on emotion and as such is a waste of space, time, bandwidth for everyone involved.
>>
marriage was implemented so betas felt invested in society. They have made quick work of dissolving that though, haven't they?

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How the FUCK do I deal with trapped gas? I just want the farts and poop to come out.
4 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>38528002
Consume psyllium husk.
>>
>>38528296
buy tinned fruit then you thick fuck
>>
crawl around on the floor with your head on the floor and your ass up in air. it will open everything up inside and push the gas out while crawling.

you can also see a chiropractor. compressions will work.
>>
if there's a pharmacy by you, get some Gas-X or the generic version of it. always helps me out in a jam
>>
I rarely ever pass gas and when I do, I feel anxious and guilty like I did something sinful

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Why do normies think looks dont matter?
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>>38528930
Guys like this would look a lot worse if they didn't take care of themselves
Being a disgusting fat fuck with shit hygiene lowers you by at least 3 points
>>
>>38527883
lol or maybe soc just wants everyone to look the exact same
>>
>>38529036
What does shit hygiene even mean?

All what guy from pic related has to do is shower everyday, brush teeth and use some moist for his haircut, trim face every few days.

but on lazy mode he could shave his head and face on 3mm every 7days and he would look good because his facial structure is good.

Its hard to see on this pic but he is ~195cm tall
>>
I'm good looking but socially stunted
Girls saw me as a mysterious fag, several guys told me they wanted to rape me.
Eh, honestly don't care that much but looks and first impression do actually matter.
>>
>>38528930
dude no joke if you ever walk around guys who complain about never getting women more than half of them smell like shit wrapped in bacon

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How does it feel to successfully reproduce?

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are robots into chastity?
what are your thoughts about it?
would you ever do it? for who and what?
23 replies and 7 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
my girlfriend lives in another city in the same country and sometimes works on the weekends, so we only see each other every other weekend. i am locked when i'm not with her.

then when i meet her the first thing after removing the cage is that she will make me cum. either she doesnt touch it and only kisses me until i'm super horny and then she takes it in her mouth - i always cum inside her after 5 to 20 seconds, it's ridiculous. or she just squeezes my balls hard without ever touching my (unlocked) penis - i still cum in 1 or 2 minutes, probably because my foreskin is moved a tiny little bit indirectly because of her squeezing my balls.

after this quick cum i usually go down on her for a while until i'm ready to go again. then we have normal passionate sex like a normal loving couple, although she doesn't allow me to cum inside her and insists that i pull out before and finishes me with her hand instead.

we also tried a ruined orgasm once because i thought it would make it possible to stay hard afterwards, but it didnt work and i had the normal refractionary period

i'm still trying to get her to sit on my face, but she isn't into it although she did 69 on my birthday. i similarly struggle to introduce ballbusting (keep in mind that we don't have a dom-sub relationship and i dont want to be submissive outside the bedroom)

overall i rate my fetish sex life 9/10
>>
Just bought one, coming Monday
>>
it's hot but same for hrt, i would only ever consider it if it'd be a turn on for my significant other. sadly, no significant other yet but maybe some day
>>
How do I not instantly cancel a chastity cage order each time I try to buy one?
>>
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>>38525595
>would you ever do it? for who and what?
I'd like to do it as an occasional thing with a qt gf, let her lock me up and do some humiliation play, force me to eat her out, etc. Not something that's ever going to happen though

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ITT: Confess things you've done that were extremely unethical but got away with

>taking psychology in high school
>end of year essay is called "who am i"
>not for grade, just something for teacher to understand us as individuals or whatever
>said we could be as personal and deep as we want and they would be seen by no one but him
>fast forward to after papers were turned in
>classroom computers are on a local network that all of us can access
>go on it to do spellcheck on a doc I had posted
>couldn't remember where I put it, searched deep into the files and accidentally stumbled across the file the teacher had put all our who am I papers in
>read every single one of them
>find out super personal stuff, like how one person had been homeless, how another's dad has been in jail since she was a kid, and one kid I found out was secretly gay

that was some juicy reading but I do feel a little guilty
57 replies and 17 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>38523760
>be in 7th grade in smalltown rural school
>class gets into groups to make small businesses as school project
>my group do bakery and sell stuff like cakes and bread to people, another group do tasks like carwash, gardening or other labour for cash.
>in computer class we get to make flier to advertise our businesses
>one of my friends is in the carwash thing business
>he asks for help to make a flier since he doesn't know how to computer
>asks me to make a list with all the tasks they provide as well as the prices
>help him make their flyer, it looks pretty good
>he leaves the computer to go to the toilet and leaves me all alone with his project
>take this one rare opportunity and decide to sabotage their business in hopes that it will promote mine
>get brilliant idea
>change his flyer and make "Sex ;)" one of the services they offer
>place it right in the middle with smaller text and a price tag of $350
>he comes back, if he notices I'll tell him I was just joking

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>
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I made a guy piss on himself for me
>>
>15 years old
>have a friend who's really conscious about germs and always carries a water bottle
>ask for sip
>tell him I will waterfall the bottle
>when he looks away I rub my dick all over the mouth piece
>other friend and I die when he drinks from it
>sides of abdomen suffer maximum laughter damage
>do this 5 more times throughout the year
>>
>>38524443
>"be me 18 yr old fembot"
>stop reading
Outta here, whore
>>
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>>38526470
>still believing in a primitive tactic used to control masses in 2017
You could never be more blue pilled than that

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Okay guys I finally joined OkCupid and all the girls are vegan, hippie whores with colored hair and their sexualities are either pansexual, demisexual, bisexual or asexual or whatever the fuck.
What did I do wrong?
24 replies and 3 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>38528740
I got banned for telling a single mom that all single moms are garbage
>>
>>38528851

Average civic driver
>>
>>38525839
Asexual!=Aromantic
FUCK
THE
BOT
>>
>>38528912
Banned for telling the truth
>>
>>38525309
What's wrong with being vegan?

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>get a job after being NEET for 2 years
>wish my oneitis could see me working hard
>ywn instinctively make her pussy wet with your strength and endurance compared to Chadlet fuccboi
>>
ur gay lol
ORIGINAL
>>
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>parents start hassling you about getting a job

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This be my crush, say something nice about him.
4 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>38528053
pls be a female
>>38528107
i don't see myself as supreme and i am not agressive so no
>>
>>38528053
He's handsome, and has a cheeky smile. I can only hope his soul matches his smile
>>
>>38528053
He's handsome and he probably has a cute accent, too. Shame he actually thinks he's ugly.
>>
>>38528053
I unironically think he's cute
>>
>>38528053
For some reason looking at him makes me think he talks like Freaky Fred

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Is being a househusband the ultimate robot dream?
>no more tfw no gf
>can forever be a neet
It's just like never growing up! Mom with benefits!
9 replies and 3 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>38528047

tfw you will never have a cartoon talk show with a mantis and a molten man
>>
Being a househusband is obviously nice but I don't think I could ever get over the guilt.
>>
You guys are delusional as hell (as usual).
Being the stay at home partner will absolutely emasculate you.
Your wife will NEVER respect you.
She's gonna cheat on you sooner or later.
You will feel like shit all the time and inadequate.

t.someone with a similar experience
>>
>>38529213
And then YOU can be the one to sue for that sweet sweet alimony due to not being earner.
>>
>>38529213
If she decides to support me financially, despite cheating on me, then I wouldn't care. That is, if she doesn't stop providing me sex and shelter.

>>38529255
I don't think men have that power. Only women get to do that, sadly. There are some exceptions, like that criminal that was in a relationship with the daughter of some rich guy, and he ended up getting a lot of money.

>fires shot into the air
THIS IS FOR ALL OF THE YEARS THAT YOU IGNORED MY THREADS
>>
>>38528949
You know people will ignore this one to fuck with you, right?
>>
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>>38528949
PLS DUNT DOO THIS PEEPEE
I TRI TU POST IN ALL THREDS BUT I NEVA NO WUT TO SAY

Fembots, how is your relationship with your sister(s)?
45 replies and 4 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>38528477
I talk to her pretty openly about degenerate dyke stuff, but none of it seems to have stuck with her yet.
>>
>>38529078
>playing along with that normie helicopter meme
>>
>>38529180
See if she's willing to practice kissing with you.
>>
>>38529237
I honestly don't want to kiss her. If she does have dyke aspirations, I'm sure she'll get to live them out with some friend of hers.
>>
>>38529276
>I honestly don't want to kiss her.
Then what the fuck are you doing on this board? Kiss your imouto anon.

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ITT: Autistic things you did as a kid.

>be me, 12 years old
>Skeletor frame, bowl cut, reeeally into gameboy
>my dad wants to go to a beach condo to visit a military friend
>wants to bring me and bro because military bud is bringing his wife and two teenaged daughters
>dad does the whole "oOoOoH, GIRLS are coming, Anon" thing
>bro is about it, I am more focused on my gameboy
>get to condo
>meet military bud and wife
>from behind the couple emerges the two most beautiful 16 year old girls I have ever seen
>they grace me with a smile, and say hello
>my prepubescent dick is immediately diamonds
>squeek out a "Hey" before using my Gameboy as an excuse to lean over and cover my boner
>eventually it subsides

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
38 replies and 7 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>38529142
Samefagging this hard
You are really struggling to get this thread on track huh op
>>
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>>38529142
>still pretending to be OP
nigger op is sitting next to me right now. stop embarrassing yourself
>>
>>38528619
I mean he's right, threads die without samefagging.

That aside what is it with all you retards blowing opportunities due to bodily functions getting the best of you? You're the master, not your sphincter
>>
>>38529275
>justifying samefagging
guys, I think we may have found the actual op of this thread
>>
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>15
>at restaurant with dad
>sitting opposite of eachother
>"hey anon the girl behind you keeps looking over, I think she likes you"
>tell him to be quiet but know that he wont because its my dad
>I was right
>get up and leave
>outside I realize I'm pretty far away from home
>spend 2 hours walking home instead of going back in there
the girl probably heard what he was saying but atleast I didn't have to see the disgusted look on her face


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