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File: robot overlord.png (1.24 MB, 1024x1265)
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/r9k/ is an imageboard where there are no exact reposts.

1. If you attempt to post something unoriginal, it is not posted, and you are muted temporarily.
2. The time with which you are muted for doubles with each transgression.
3. Each mute time is 2^n in seconds where n is the number of times you have transgressed. So, your mute time doubles each time you fuck up.
4. Backlinks, eg >>1, are not viewed by the robot. So "lolwut" and ">>2 lolwut" are the same post, in the eyes of the robot.
5. Gibberish at the end of a post to force originality may result in mod intervention (no BLOX posts please).
6. Images are NOT included in the filter, only text.
7. Your mute count slowly decreases over time.
8. You cannot post a picture without text.
9. Unicode is blocked. Sorry, too many exploits (Cyrillic letters, etc).
10. Posts require a certain minimum amount of original content in order to be posted.
11. Post sane, real content, well thought out replies, and mutes are unlikely.
12. The original algorithm was designed by XKCD:
http://blag.xkcd.com/2008/01/14/robot9000-and-xkcd-signal-attacking-noise-in-chat/
>>
/r9k/ has no topic, but unlike /b/ Global Rule #3 is in effect. In addition, advice threads and camwhoring/hookup/"rate me" threads should go on /adv/ - Advice and /soc/ - Cams & Meetups respectively.

ITT: anime/manga characters that are literally you.
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>>
>>30925443
South-East England
>>
>>30924995
God i hope you have a horrible life
>>
>>30925494
Never mind, that's too far away.

Feel better.
>>
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>>30925515
y-you too
oregano
>>
>>30925515
wanna be my misaki if you're in PST

> Tfw high on pain pills again
> Took double what I took last time
> Still not as high as the first time

I get nauseous every 20 minutes so I have to lie down. Who else is high off something right now? I plan on staying up till 5 and then sleeping till 12, these pills make sleep really really nice.
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>>30925418
Personally, I only took them rarely, I never wanted my tolerance to go up, or to get hooked on them.

It's possible, but time is the only cure for tolerance...

That or DXM but that's another story.
>>
>>30925439
I was responding to him saying that. It's sort of not true. But there is some truth in it. If you have a package with drugs in your mailbox, you have the plausible deniability that you didn't intentionally order it. But the second you pick it up and assume ownership of the package, you're in possession of narcotics, and they can nail you.
>>
>>30925439

Because you have no control over what someone mails to you.
>>
>>30925449
It's the right move, I'm just saying it has kinks.
>>30925459
Tolerance resets, but the it will never be as magical as it was before.
>>
I love listening to music on trams. So nice and comfy. I feel sleepy but also alert at the same time.

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Your best friend buys a hooker and he says you can fuck her after he's finished. Would you accept his offer?
>>
>free pussy
Why us this even a question
>>
>Implying I have a friend

Why do you shitpost here just to torment me?

Why do people drink? Seems like a thing only retarded Chads and Staceys should be doing
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>>
>>30925430
No dumbass if you are doing it alone and not socially you are a fucking robot
>>
>>30925461
Then that's the deciding factor. What does upper/downer have to do with it?
>>
>>30925490
Well normies are mostly into uppers, I guess
>>
>>30925395
I-i like how beer tastes
>>
>>30925406
>Downers= robot
but I'm already down enough

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Daily I had nightmares, I slept poorly and felt so during the day. But upon one day, I had a dream in which I entered the shadow realm, the home of Lord Kek. Upon gazing to His Holiness I was blinded by his Spirit. Lord Kek spoke to me: "Son, I've seen your suffering and I feel pity, for there is no need for it. You see, Lord Kek wishes only for trickery, keks and jokes to be spread." Lord Kek paused until he continued: "Having witnessed your suffering, I am not pleased, for you could have spread the most devilish jokes, but you did not. I find your lack of jokes disturbing and extremely painful." I responded, trying to do my best to not let anxiety get the best of me: "L-l-lord Kek, have mercy on me." Lord Kek laughed: "Do not fear mortel, I have a wicked sense of humor, yet I do not wish to see you suffering any longer."

I calmed down and said to Him: "Lord Kek, what is it you wish of me?" Once again Lord Kek laughed and responded: "Son, I want you to know, not fear, that your only use is to spread the word of Kek. You will laugh, make others laugh and engage in harmless mischief. You are the vessel of Kek, and thus I want you to spread Lord Kek's love of great laughter and trickery. Go forth, little guy, and let the word of Kek be known through all of the interweb."

And here I am. I am a big guy.

For Kek.
>>
Fuck you
You piece of fucking shit

Lol you deserve to fucking rot in hell
>>
>>30925472
Kek give me the strength and courage to reply to this heretic. Thank you.

Pardon me? I am only here to spread the word of Kek, there's no harm in my intentions. What caused you to behave this way?
Lord Kek will have mercy on your sorry ass for being so rude, but only if you do engage again in such unruly behaviour.
In the name of Kek, explain yourself.

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>tfw hate american culture and want to leave this country
>european countries have stupid dealbreaker laws
>other white countries have even stupider laws
>don't want to live with other races
>don't know where to go that i would fit in
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Just go where your dad went when he learned how much of a disappointment you are.

6 feet under.
>>
>>30923787
If you are a NEET you cant get citizenship to any other country anyways.
>>
>>30923991
>thinks he's a robot
>has a smartphone

wew faggot kill yourself right now
>>
I dont know of a single speech law in my country, you can say pretty much anything anywhere, but you can expect to be beat up if you talk too much trash to the wrong people
>>
>>30924747
>I don't have something you have so you're not a true robot!!!

I guarantee most of the robot users of this site have smartphones. Fuck off.

Wow, I am absolutely moved by this FB plea... Fantastic argument.
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>>
should eat dogs too, thanks roastie
>>
I do love animals, but eating meat is an essential part of any persons diet. If you want to spend a shit load on organic vegetables, go ahead - most people can't afford to do that. Nor can the entire world sustain itself on fruits and vegetables, even if everyone decided to become vegetarian tomorrow. It simply isn't economically possible.

I will probably move onto "lab meat" once it's proper.
>>
>>30925296
Humans are empatthy-less assholes, end of story. The only reason it is morally unacceptable to kill a pet is because we love it. Animals we kill for food are not killed unethically.
Moral is a construct of human thinking, it doesn't really exist. That's why we sort of set the standarts of what is morally acceptable or not ourselves.
>>
>>30925357
No they don't and the guy you replied to is meming.
"wtf i hate (thing) now" has been getting used a lot more lately.
>>
do people think animals are still slaughtered like that today or what?

> "Read Punpun, anon! A true robot manga! What a robot!"
> Loses his virginity at 16 to the absolute qt Midori
> "He was raped! It was sooo horrible!"
> Has sex with absolute qt Sachi
> "He didn't even know why he was doing it! He's so confused that poor guy!"
> Has sex with absolute qt glasses girl from driving school
> "He didn't even love her he just tries to escape his true feelings!"
> Has sex with Aiko several times
> "..."
> mfw

A true robot, right? Fucking hell. I admit it, I can't stand sex in manga, because I get jealous. It's hard for me to read and he fucks around with all those cuties, that's why I dropped it. Last chapter I read was when he got that BJ in the toilet, fuck that. "True robot manga". I'm not even going to bother finishing it.
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>>
>>30925391
prostitutes don't fuck black men
>>
>>30925382
>Who honestly hasn't had sex?
everyone here
>Literally just go outside
I go outside all the time
>>
>>30925404
They do in Africa. Go home shitskin. Get out of our countries.
>>
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are 4chan really this stupid family? i thought robots would at least understand how 4chan works>>30925344
>>30925345
>>30925361
>>
>>30925437
Robots should have figured that out a long fucking time ago already.

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>one chance in life
>5'8
FIVE FUCKING EIGHT
FUCK YOU GOD
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>>
>>30925428
I'm the same height as you. I'm speaking from experience, not baiting.
>>
>>30925423
That's a shitty chart desu.
>>
>>30925452

Oh great it's another "I'm 4'11 but I've fucked a billion girls" post.

Stay deluded, manlet.
>>
>>30925467
Sure, it looks like crap, but the data behind it is undeniable.
>>
>>30925473
Funny how every single time a short guy posts about how he does get pussy, angry virgin lanklets in denial jump out screaming.

I'm 5'6" and have no problem getting pussy because I'm awesome. Must be the same with the 5'5" guy. You, on the other hand, are a loser and a failure, so even though you're tall you're a virgin.

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>can't get lucky irl and can't get lucky in games. Just kill me can. Life is too unfair.
>>
>>30924494
Tfw I'm so retarded and worthless I can't even type out a simple post. I even look like a newfag.
>>
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>tfw everyone else seems to have a flow with life
>tfw never lucky in anything
>tfw starting to lose it
>mfw I can't feel anything anymore

Who else /empty/ here?
>>
>>30925326
Me. Everybody around me is dying. My father, my favorite uncle.

I dropped out of college because they fucked me over. Trying to make it into university but the instances that are supposed to help me do not give a fuck about me. College was the only thing that kept me sane and helped me stay in contact with other people.
>>
>got marginally but noticeably better at organizing my studying, procrastination is still a bitch (well, I'm posting here, right?)
>took steps to normalize an excessively clingy (on my side) emotional relationship I wanted to stay engaged in for my own delusional and selfish (autistic) reasons
>reduced general self-pity levels which were getting dangerously high
>changed perspective on normie social interactions from "something pointless I want nothing to do with, ever" to "something pointless I need to be a part of to ever get pussy", determined to start frequenting more normie events
>generally went from feeling like shit 80% of the time to feeling like shit 15% of the time which is more than acceptable

idk what to tell you goys. Self-improvement is definitely a huge meme, but sometimes you gotta post those overrated memes in order to get those (you)s

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ITT: We post pictures of our bedrooms.
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>>
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>>30924845
Yes, and they loved it.
>>
>>30924885

hOLYHoly shit. You clearly win best actual bedroom no question. That shit is dope as fuck.
>>
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My bedroom is literally just a sofa against a wall.
I have a separate room for my computer/weebshit and all that. I dont like the idea of having the sofa in this room, brings in too much dust.
>tfw havent slept on a bed in 7 years
>>
>>30923102
>>30921975
Maximum comfy. Rotate your mouse pad 90 degrees so it matches the dimensions of your monitor.
>>
>>30923735
>I started sleeping on the floor at 15 for some /fit/ meme and now i camt sleep on a matress at all.
To improve posture? Has it helped?

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/r9k/ do you have any sick or unique(not bdsm) fetishes?

Olfactophilia, luv to smell girl's assholes
Preggos, instantly get an erection when I see swollen bellies
38 replies and 19 images omitted. Click here to view.
>>
Necrophilia, somnophilia, gore, hebephilia, vomit, piss, amputee, asphyxiation, hanging, birthing, force feeding, decapitation, torture, rape, lobotomy, castration, coma etc.
I'm a very edgy fellow.
>>
>>30922428
Just ballbusting.
>>
>>30924905
Specially fat ones for me.
Not sure how I feel about it.
>>
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Not gross but maybe unique. I have a neck fetish. I appreciate feminine and masculine necks but more so masculine since I prefer men. It's an incredibly sexual body part for me. It curves up to the jawline and earlobes then down to the collarbones, all sensual spots in their own right, really beautifully. The nape of the neck as well as the front of the neck and adam's apple are all so aesthetically pleasing as well as sexually stimulating I can't really explain why. It feels amazing to trace all the curves of a nice slender neck with your lips or hands. Also my neck is very sensitive, I get horny from even the slightest touch and can get close to cumming just from hickeys.
>>
I have a ton of fetishes, but maybe three that are worth posting about.

The first is that I'm stupidly masochistic. If someone online is legitimately angry with me and expresses it, my body will respond even though I feel upset. When I'm feeling particularly terrible it happens too, I can't help it. And of course I am into verbal and physical abuse, tugging and twisting the h*ck out of my nipples, flicking my balls with a finger, pouring hot wax on myself or whipping myself are all enjoyable, although I think I prefer nipples more.

I'm also into farting. Not fart domination, not how embarrassing it is, but the scent itself. Whenever I'm gassy, I tend to become horny as well.

Scat is the last of the noteworthy ones, and it borders on an obsession. I first got into it in short because my ass is quite sensitive, and developing a Pavlovian response to the odor, as I tended to clean myself out before playing with myself. I love everything about it; the stench, the feeling of it coming out I have ejaculated from this before accidentally, multiple times, the sound it makes coming out, doing certain gross things with it (only in hentai and erotic role play), and at this point, thick, long logs are probably just as much of a turn on to me aesthetically as dicks are, seeing a curled up pile of filthy ones is something I can very easily fap to. While I have gotten better about it recently, for a long time it always essentially all I could fap to.

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>just learned that my brother is a bigger Chad than I'll ever be
I'm proud of him, he doesn't need to suffer my personal bullshit, but at the same time I'm so disappointed in myself for not having gotten any in my time.

I blame like 90% of my failure on Homestuck.
>>
Why Homestuck?
>>
>>30925354
If you've never heard of it, don't read about it. Suffice it to say my life would have gone down a very different path.

Tbh a lot of my problems could be traced back to way before that but if I wasn't turned onto that shit I wouldn't have met HER and my luck and attitude towards women wouldn't be so irrevocably fucked.
>>
>>30925408
>It's another normies cry because of exes post
Sigh

Is it OK to brutally torture, maim and eventually dismember your own mother to stop "the visions" when she is the entire reason for them?
>>
>>30925471
Yeah, it should be fine.
>>
>>30925471
Sounds like the only way. So its okay.

It should work.


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