ive been seeing a girl on the regular for the last 6-8 weeks now. she's very sweet, very cute, absolutely stunning too, and I let her know all this of course, i'm really into her. Now my problem with her is not so much exes, I can understand seeing someone you are romantically interested in for months or years and giving love a go with them, it's more the whole "hooking up" side of things which I think she has done quite a bit of and has sort of let that known to me which is kind of bothering me.I myself have only slept with her and an ex (we were together 4 years) and Ive never really entertained the idea with hooking up with anyone. I myself don't think it's right, I do believe it does mess with potential partners in the future and it is generally unsafe.I know this girl has had 4-5 exes which to me is sorta whatever, but from what she has mentioned to me, she has had quite a number of hook ups over time and is still on good terms with an ex who has since moved on that she was with for only a few months. I can understand the "here and now" aspects of this, what this person can do for you and you for them sorta thing but I find something so damning about hooking up with people. Is it best to leave these things in the past? Am I just jealous in a way? What is the conversation I need to have with her about this or should I just forget about her? if not, what should I do? Once more, I think this girl is stunning, she is very lovely, very kind and open and is filled with much optimism which I am mad about and I'd be lying if I said I havent caught feelings for her.
>Is it best to leave these things in the past?almost always, yes. your situation is almost certainly not the exception >Am I just jealous in a way?no "in a way," you're jealous>What is the conversation I need to have with her about thiswhat would you say? like this is how it would go "hey baby can we talk"sure"okay I don't like it that you had a lot of hookups and you're still on good terms with an ex that's moved on from you"I'm not sleeping with any of them now and the ex has completely moved on"I know"so do you want to break up or "no, I'm really into you"so what do you want me to do"I don't know">should I just forget about her?no
you're right lil bro, it's all about the here and now. Her past is not at all indicative of her values and decision making abilities that will affect you in the long run whatsoever. You should love her for who she is, or *as is* rather. Should've seen her when she was still a virgin, a prime fuck. Anyway you're with her now, so that's what counts haha, keep your chin up high champ>t. One of the guys that has used all her holes like a cheap temu fleshlight
>>34561210>here's my sexual fantasyokay?
>>34561168>hooking up>which is kind of bothering me.As it should. Monkey branch, just like they do.
>>34561168>What is the conversation I need to have with her about thisNone. What you need to do is get her best girl friend over. Have a friends night. Supply booze and when everyone has had several, you bring up the subject of body count. Her "friends" will supply you with a realistic body count for your girlfriend.It's certainly a lot higher than you think it is, women always minimise their numbers.
>>34561192I don't really know if it's jealousy cause it's not really a thing i'd ever want to do to be honest. it sort of sickens me, the thought of it, even myself doing it, more than anything. It seems like such a lousy thing to do in my opinion in terms of exclusivity and relationship security. She is quite a genuine charecter which is kinda keeping me going here. I really had a rough break up from a rather miserable woman and she's been an ear to listen and we've been having fun too. >>34561210bizarre post, however I understand you. this is the plight of hook up culture. >>34561329>It's certainly a lot higher than you think it is, women always minimise their numbers.Yeah, I remember when I found out about my ex having slept around quite a bit she danced on the thought of telling me.
>>34561192cucked post
>>34561168Posts like this make me so glad to be single.OP, if you want advice. Your hormones are most definitely making her seem sweeter and kinder than she really is, because you're in love with her. It's just what your brain does. You can find another woman and the same thing will happen. She is not as special as you think she is. Just break up, put yourself out there again, and find someone who better aligns with your values. I recommend no contact too. This is not a good foundation for a long term relationship and this will never stop bothering you. Good luck anon
>>34563391Is this what you do to remain single?
>>34563391I see where you are coming from and yeah, I get it. As I said in my post, I am only seeing her and going on fun dates and stuff and she knows im not ready for commitment and she's aware of what I went through with my ex and that. Things are largely casual, however, I do feel her encroaching speed cause she already told her parents about me and they've already met me which is really not something I wanted to do but it's sorta something in they wanted to see me. We are nowhere near "boyfriend and girlfriend" level, I guess my issue is I have these feelings which I can only guess she has too.
>>34561168>I myself don't think it's right, That is a necessarily subjective moral judgement that many - indeed most - people would not agree with. You don't get to impose your own moral system on others, any more than anyone else is allowed to force you to do things you feel are wrong. You were and are free to make your own choices. So was she. Both of those were as it should have been.>I do believe it does mess with potential partners in the future That belief is objectively, factually incorrect. >and it is generally unsafe.And so is that one. She's fine, isn't she? Even if you were right, if she took some risks in the past but definitely isn't going to take them any more now that she's with you, why does that matter?>Is it best to leave these things in the past? Yes. >Am I just jealous in a way? Yes. Not just "in a way", you're jealous, period.>What is the conversation I need to have with her about this or should I just forget about her?There is no conversation to be had, because she hasn't done anything wrong. You shouldn't forget about her, because she hasn't done anything wrong. She doesn't have a problem; you have a problem, and it is up to you to fix it, by yourself, without getting her involved. When you have, the two of you can be happy together.
>>34563574>you have a problem, and it is up to you to fix itwhat do you think I should do anon? I'm quite open here, I do feel 50/50 about things cause as I said she is lovely and has genuine character. I am all for the present and how she makes me feel, I do feel there is some unshakeable feeling about that stuff however with the whole hooking up thing.
>>34561168I have a unique perspective here. I’m a man who has 4 ex’s and a high body count from 50+ hookups over the years. Most of it the hookups were during my early 20s. The flow for me was usually>match on an all>chat for a bit>agree to meetup at a bar>get drunk with her over small talk>go to my or her place and makeout>fuck>we go our separate ways>rarely meetup againThere was never anything romantic or loving about these encounters. They’re the young 20-something equivalent of gooning for a couple hours. These girls didn’t really like me, and I didn’t really like them. We never had anything in common. We didn’t share hobbies or taste in movies, music, art. We rarely had much to talk about beyond shooting the shit about something of interest for one of us before pivoting to the next vapid topic. These women weren’t looking for someone to hold them or take care of them. They weren’t looking for someone to take home to their parents. They were looking for someone to amuse them for a couple hours, and that’s it. I felt similarly. I never think about these women. To be honest, I’ve forgot about nearly all of them over the years. Now I’m in a happy relationship that’s about to turn into an engagement later this week. We met on a hike and started chatting over text then over the phone for hours and hours. We share interests and values. We were excited to meet each other’s parents. We actually love and care for each other. That’s a relationship, and it’s what you should be looking for right now. Who she slept with years ago should be of no consequence. If you want to marry a pious virgin trad wife, you’re probably looking in the wrong places. Move to rural Texas and sign up for Farmers Only. But if you want a loving relationship with someone who had a past before they met you, you have to get over it. The love she feels for you now and the ways she chooses to show it are what matters.
>>34563694OP here, thanks anon, it's an interesting way of looking at things, and happy for you you've found your person. We are biding our time and seeing where things go, i'm not in anyway "trad" or nothing, I know we've all histories as iv'e mine. All the best with everything dude.
>>34563694Do you feel as if having similar levels of experience is necessary? From what i've seen and experienced the issue mainly stems from one party having experience and the other lacking experience causing negative feelings such as jealousy/envy and moral discernments as well. Would you agree? Is the solution to both have experience or can the emotions be worked through without that fact?
>>34563648>what do you think I should do anon?Well...>I do feel there is some unshakeable feeling about that stuff however with the whole hooking up thing.It's not unshakeable. And what you need to do is shake it.You know perfectly well from direct observation that she *is* a good, decent person. Your experience of knowing her, in itself, should be enough to prove to you that your idea that only bad people behave like this is not borne out by the facts. The issue here is not what she did, it's how you perceive it; you need to work on changing that perception.
>>34563858I don’t think it’s necessary. If it really bothers you, talk to them about it. Don’t accuse or present it as a problem they have. Be honest. Say you feel insecure about it. You can talk through it with her. If it’s not enough, you can go to couples therapy. The point is to figure out it bothers you so much, talk through it, and start feeling secure in your relationship with them. FWIW, I’ve been in relationships with women who’ve had essentially no experience before me, and I’ve been in relationships with women who’ve slept around before me. I’d take the latter every day of the week because they’re kinkier, more confident, and hornier than the girls who’ve had joyless sex a couple times with the same guy.
>>34563862Hmm food for thought, thank you anon.
>>34563881i've definitely been in a situation similar to OP and am actively dealing with my own version of it now. only differences are that i got trauma on my end and her more experience doesn't come with any perk like you say. she has no sex drive, doesn't want to get freaky, and barely thinks about sex at all. definitely frustrating and I get how OP can be upset, as it can develop into truly negative territory. still trying to navigate my own issues but I wanted to put the hypothetical out there so OP doesn't end up in my shoes
>>34563894It's also worth asking yourself carefully what you're really upset about. Often it comes down to envy: someone else got more sex than you did, and you envy that. If that's a factor here, you need to remember that your decision not to look for hook-ups wasn't her fault, and it isn't fair to get mad at her because you made that decision. Or perhaps you're angry because it's easier for a woman to get hook-ups than it would have been for you? But that's not her fault either, it's the fault of other men for being excessively horny, and of women who aren't her for not being horny.
>>34561168>inb4 300+ repliesIncompatible values. Just dump her; it's your prerogative no matter how much people try to shame you or call you "stupid" for not having their values. This would also apply for someone who didn't want to be with a "prude". I think it's downright crazy, but it's still their right.This being said, if you're having sex outside of marriage, you're really not that different, even if you like to tell yourself otherwise. The only difference between sex while dating and a hookup is professed intent, but both accept that sex can and should occur without commitment. It's just that a hookup nominally rejects the possibility of future commitment (even though tons of people hook up in the hopes of getting a relationship), while dating is nominally open to it (even though tons of people date just so they can get sex, even with no serious future plans).tl;dr even though you're a hypocrite who more or less got the whore you asked for, it's still your absolute right to dump a partner you find unsuitable for any reason whatsoever. No amount of insults or shaming ITT will change that.
>>34563574>You don't get to impose your own moral system on othersThat's the entire point of having a moral system: the ability to make judgements. And no, those judgements don't stop with oneself.Obviously, it's nuts to act as if someone went out of their way to specifically wrong you just because they didn't have the same moral outlook. But judging them and acting accordingly isn't doing that, nor is it "forcing" them to do anything.>That belief is objectively, factually incorrect.Don't make claims which you not only can't back up but for which the evidence says the exact opposite.http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00996.x/abstract>Bivariate results suggested that delaying sexual involvement was associated with higher relationship quality across several dimensions. The multivariate results indicated that the speed of entry into sexual relationships was negatively associated with marital quality, but only among women.">inb4 nitpicking and bitching about the sourceIf you can provide a single source of similar quality saying otherwise, I will concede defeat and apologize for being uninformed. But you won't. None of you hedonists ever do.
>>34561243>Monkey branch, just like they doSeconding this anon. Monkey branch. It may take you a long time to find a different girl, so, keep good relations with this one while looking for the next. And remember, you're not doing this because you're a bad person and we're not advising this because we are bad people, the truth is that women especially attractive women do NOT experience this moral dilemma. They are archons that the universe has provided with access to virtually infinite access to sex, love, intimacy, softness, attention, and we can sit and be alone for many months and many years without a girl. So. Trust me that she can, ((with the will to do this)) - tap download on tinder, upload 3-4 pics with another tap or two, swipe, chat for an hour with various men until one seems normal, invite him over, and gobble dick and get fucked and creamedpied and get told how amazing she is and how she SO shouldn't worry about her ex because he's a loser.I'm not guesstimating btw, I've literally been through this. Sweetie who I entrusted with my heart for 5 years went behind my back looking for a guy, found him, immediately monkey branched without even 12 hours from physically leaving my house, and is still with him 2 years later. Me? I've degraded to nothing. I'm suffering alone.i have no way to get a girlfriend. I'm absolutely moments from killing myself. I have tried, so much. It's just not working. I was self cucked due to loyalty, due to my morals. Your girl is good, mine was too! For the time that she was here. But make no mistake - they can and they will get a different person to get over you when they realize they need to exit. So please, brother, do not hesitate not even for a second, to do the same to protect yourself from a fawkin hoooaar such as your current gf.Good luck brother
>>34561168I was in the same boat as you and broke up with my GF like a week and a half ago after a little less than a year of dating. It was more brutal for me because we were friends on and off since college so it’s not like we didn’t know of each others existence for me to be like “oh I can’t get mad cuz she didn’t know me”. We are both 25, and by the time we started dating her body count was around 30, with mine only being one. I could never shake the insecurity, I spoke to her about it several times and she always said how her doing stuff in the past was because she didn’t love herself and didn’t know what love was, that it’s not like she was intentionally putting me to the side or that she saw me as a last option, it was more so the fact she thought she wasn’t worthy of the type of love she saw I could give her. Long story short she’s super catholic now and talked about the sacraments of marriage, and even tho I was raised catholic I told her straight up that I don’t see myself getting married to anyone, that love can still exist without it. She said my views are secular bullshit and said I don’t love her if I’m not willing to put aside my selfishness and narcissistic ideas to open my heart up to marriage. The sex was really good desu but I would never initiate and she would get mad at that lol. It’s ur call OP, but at least make sure she ain’t super crazy or has BPD or some other high conflict personality. I let a lot of shit slide in this relationship that I wouldn’t have before since this was my first gf. At this point I’m not sure if there were more red flags on my end, or if I’m a retard for letting this relationship go, only time will tell. What kept me grounded was just focusing on how she’s treating me and making me feel right now to keep my thoughts away from anywhere but the present.
>>34561168>>34563574>That [disgust for hookup culture] is a necessarily subjective moral judgement that many - indeed most - people would not agree with.Whether 'most people' tolerate hookup culture has no bearing on its inherent nature. If 'most people' accepted the idea of eating human shit, that wouldn't make the act itself any less vile.>You don't get to impose your own moral system on othersYou argue for judgement-free moral relativism and then condemn OP for not sharing your moral framework. By your own premises, there is nothing that makes your views of 'right' and 'wrong' any more legitimate than his.>That belief [that a woman having a high body count is bad for a relationship's success] is objectively, factually incorrect.Women who have had 10+ premarital partners have a divorce rate of around 30-35% after five years, whereas women who have 0 to 1 premarital partners have a divorce rate of around 5% after five years - that's what I found after one google search. If you don't accept that figure, fine. Tell me with a straight face that a woman with 500+ bodies has the same pair bonding ability as a virgin woman.>There is no conversation to be had, because she hasn't done anything wrongAgain, If you are arguing for subjective/relative morality, then you cannot say - with any authority - that "she hasn't done anything wrong." You are not an arbiter.>She doesn't have a problem; you have a problemAnother shameful attempt at undermining OP's concerns, and it is the second time you've contradicted your claim that attempting to impose a moral system on another person is wrong. Strip away all the moral grandstanding and your advice is, "ignore the fact that she fucked so many guys, it's your problem for being upset." That's the advice of a cuckold. No self-respecting man is 'okay' shacking up with a girl who used to open her legs for every swinging dick that walked by.
She deserves better than an absolute moron who can't get over a nothing fact abt her history. You can't get over it. Don't try. Youre a weirdo who wants to only associate with other weirdos. Leave her alone, and go find your unfucked woman elsewhere. If it takes you 47 years to find it, it's totally worth waiting. Unicorns do exist :3 ur highly specific breed of weird emotional needs must absolutely not tarnish her future by becoming involved with you
>>34564066>the evidence says the exact opposite.No, it doesn't. You've spouted this pseudo-scientific bullshit before, and you get comprehensively BTFO'ed every fucking time. I don't know why you persist in humiliating yourself. But seeing as you do: people who are highly religious are both more likely to wait before having sex, and less likely to get divorced because they don't believe in divorce. Show us a study which gives us the same results but corrects for religious beliefs, and then we can talk, but this study doesn't prove what you think it proves.
>>34564278>Women who have had 10+ premarital partners have a divorce rate of around 30-35% after five years, whereas women who have 0 to 1 premarital partners have a divorce rate of around 5% after five years - that's what I found after one google search.So you're saying that people who are good at relationships tend to make marriages work and stay in them, while people who are shitty at relationships tend to accumulate a string of failed relationships, and hence a larger number of exes, and those same people are also more likely to have their current marriages end in divorce because they're bad at relationships? Yeah, no shit. What else would you expect? This does not even begin to imply what you think it implies.
>>34561168Your dad was very likely a cuckold who'd decided to marry a used up hoe and decided to take care of her with his time, money and energy. It's upto you to continue your familial tradition of being a cuckold OP. Pic rel.
>>34561168All the replies ITT insulting OP are quite telling. Makes you think.
>>34561168Just break up with her, hookups make one a whore. There's no way she can get unfucked and I doubt she'd be willing to cut off all of her former lovers for you
I’m seeing a guy with a very high body count. I like him a lot, so I’ve gaslit myself into being flattered that despite his pick of women (including prostitutes), he thinks I’m the best. Maybe you can do the same? Delusion > reality
>>34563648You don't want sloppy seconds. Do you have other options? You can get a virgin if you wanted, if it's that important get a new gf
>>34564972>erm ackshually you're wrong because her number of failed relationships is just a symptom of the problem... it's not a cause!Hey retard, you just conceded that a woman's body count acts as a valid heuristic which we can use to determine whether she can form quality, long-term relationships. You refuted nothing!
>>34561168I like a freak bitch who knows how to do frog stance
>>34565537That's called a lagging indicator. You can evaluate this in retrospect only. You cannot predict if a virgin is a ho or not.
