Hey… first time posting somewhere like this. How do you deal with losing the person who pulled you out of a 10-year cave?I’m 34, she’s 28. We met 5 months ago and it got intense fast — 12h video calls daily, gaming, sleeping on call, trips together, future plans, even planning me moving from Scotland to Poland to be with her. For the first time in years I stopped being afraid. I renewed my license, started looking for work, prepared to rebuild my life.She made me feel human again.She was going through a divorce after 12 years with a narcissistic husband. She used to say I was her “safe place,” calm, peaceful, different. Days ago she still said “I love you,” made space for my clothes at her house, talked about our future and kids someday.Then suddenly everything changed.An old friend got into her head, therapy stuff happened, stress exploded, and now she says she needs space, wants stability immediately, and that I idealized her too much. She says she cares about me deeply but “can’t love me the way I need.”The worst part is that before meeting her I had basically wasted 10 years hiding from life — games, Discord, isolation, fear. Because of her I finally started trying again. I genuinely believed I could build a future.Now I feel like I’m falling endlessly. I barely have friends anymore, only my parents who have their own problems. I can’t sleep, randomly cry, and honestly feel destroyed because for the first time in my life I felt accepted completely — emotionally, physically, everything.How do you even recover when someone becomes your reason to live again… and then disappears?
>>34561502Just become dead inside and go about your everyday life. Most people are just doing that, who cares.
>>34561502Keep in mind that finding motivation to start fixing your life once means that you can do it again, if you keep looking. Looking for another person to be your reason to live would be a foolish move, considering that all relationships are transient by nature. So what you ought to do is find an abiding reason to live. One that isn't transient and isn't based on something you can lose.
I’m just tired. i feel like im lose all the hope ...
>>34561502I'm sorry, anon. Wish I had something - advice, comfort - to help you. Narcissistic abuse really, deeply, damages one's ability to trust. Their mind and body are on constant red alert for anything vaguely like what they suffered, and a large part of narcissistic abuse is warping reality and keeping the victim in a perpetual state of destabilization. You just have to keep living.
>>34561502If you lived for a random girl you can do it again. Find a new random girl to live life for, rather than a divorcee who's right
i donno .. m aybe if she will say sorry.. maybe thats what i want to hear...
Shut the fuck up. It was never real. LDRs are NEVER REAL. How many times are you people going to trip over your own traps?? You NEVER know someone you DON'T live with. You NEVER truly learn about someone over a fucking screen.You just idealized and aggrandized this woman because she was another (convenient internet-based) form of escapism and she probably did the same thing. You were escaping your neet shit and she was escaping her issues with herself and her present relationship. You were never in a relationship with this person and you both clearly need to do individual work with yourself. My fucking god, stop using other people to escape your problems and "give reason" to your existance. No one is going to save you. You have to do it yourself. Get the fuck over it, hit the gym, eat better, study something, feel the sun. Stop looking for any reason to not do the work to get over yourself you miserable cunt.
>>34561502You can't rely on people to be your source of happiness. They exist for one moment and then they are gone. The best thing for you to do is to enjoy the little things, making the most out of them.
>>34561502I'm dealing with something similar.I don't know. It feels like being pulled out of the hole was only ever an illusion. Like doing better was a delusion it's not sustainable and I should just go back to the original plan and kill myself. It feels impossible to be motivated for my own sake, and there's nothing I want. My life is mostly avoidance of things I don't want to deal with, there's no working towards anything positive just trying to keep the negative at bay and I'm sick of it. Good luck though. Maybe you'll find your calling or a stray dog that needs you or something.
>>34561502You thank her and then you make her gift meaningful by moving on with your life, from the higher level she brought you to
