i have aspergers, adhd and high iq (134 mensa tested) but i cant make any friends and live like a dog i sleep next to trash and my house is full of cat shit and smells like cat piss no one at my school knows i live like this but people still make fun of me bc of how i interact socially because im so autistic its hard or impossible for me to make friends bc i always somehow push them away and i js need someone to help guide me i get sick a lot from all the mold in my room and i just keep piling trash onto the mountain i had to move from my room to my moms basement in a concrete room and i started a new trash pile and its getting worse and the mold is coming back and i cant motivate myself what so ever to do anything please someone give me help
>>34561986First post pics of your mold and garbage piles.
here
>>34561992here
>>34561986>schoolThey have mental health services available, that's the first place to start, so that you get diagnosed with a confirmed disability and abusive home, and then qualify for all kinds of housing programs.
>>34561986I had a trash pile like this once when i was around 18. I was so depressed i didn't even notice that it was growing, eventually it became so big, so overwhelming i just couldn't handle cleaning it myself. I had to ask my mom for help. I felt horrible letting her deal with my bullshit but we both felt better once it was done.If your mom can't/wont help you, and you have the money for it, try hiring a hoarder cleanup service. They tend to specialize in supporting people through crises, i think some of them even do it for free.Otherwise you'll have to power through it and clean it yourself. It's easier to manage if you go area by area, like first clearing the area around your bed, and then clearing the area by the window, then the corner, and so on. It gets easier the more you do it, and once it's clean it'll be easier to keep it clean.
>>34562068im already diagnosed wym
>>34562109the problem is my mom is the person who i picked this horrible habit up from and its like this throughtout my entire house where its js cat shit and cat piss on the ground with bird poop everywhere and her room has trash everywhere too we dont even own trashbags its horrible and like i already mentioned i have no friends but i want to hangout and be normal so i need my house to get clean but everytime ive tried my mom js lets it go back to shit so ive given up hope
>>34562114Then go to the autism help center, or whatever they call it in your country
>>34562128why would i do that tho if i switched homes then i was start polluting the other homes with trash and it would js repeat?
>>34562134you would have a minder checking in on you and keeping it clean
>>34562122>my mom is the person who i picked this horrible habit up fromThen tell her you both need to get some kind of psychological help to get rid of your hoarding habits, because you want to have friends over and not die from black mold poisoning. If she refuses, then you might have to move out and get that help on your own
>>34561986Do a morning jog in the sunlight every day to get momentum, cut your scrolling down 3/4ths or entirely and listen to motivational audios, sell your plasma, look into vocational training or some local program to help disabled people get jobs, clean up some and hire a maid and a social skills coach.
>>34561986 Make a short list of items you want to keep, and set it to the side, those are the only items to keep. Each day, or as frequently as you can, fill a garbage bag with the fast food trash and other garbage, and get rid of it. Stuff that contains old food and organic matter are the most important items to get rid of.
>>34562044You probably have toxoplasmosis from the cat shit.
I'm pretty sure you can be a great person to be around with despite your dirty room. Maybe you're a creative artist who is too busy making profound artwork. If your room is messy, spending a few hours getting to it, shouldn't really be all that bad. If people can't accept that, then maybe they have personal issues they need to deal with since their preferences are a bit too elitist and a lot less compassionate.
>>34561986Okay, there's a lot of shit to get in order here but I'm going to try to help you because I'm also a 130iq aspie who got his shit in order, and you seem to be a real person who needs actual advice (and not an aspiring fiction writer like half of this board). I don't know if you're even still watching this thread, but someone else like you might be, so fuck it.I'm wary of anons giving vague advice that is impossible to follow, so in the interest of actually fixing your life, I will now begin a very specific, hyper-autistic, mega write-up with actionable advice, so detailed you cannot possibly fail. here we go:1. Your room is absolutely fucking up your psyche to a massive degree. The appearance of your surroundings has a huge influence on your mental well-being.You already know this, of course. There's really no way around the fact that you just have to get a garbage bag and start throwing shit in there. I would recommend you stay in the basement because if your mother is also messy, it will feel more disconnected from the messiness of the rest of the house than your room. The best advice I can give if you're not feeling motivated is to just do it anyway. I know that might sound really fucking retarded, but trust me, it works. Most people who consider themselves incapable of doing things they're not motivated to do, are actually held back by a subconscious belief they can't do things they're not motivated to do. That might sound like splitting hairs but the distinction is really important. The belief that you can't do things without motivation holds you back more than your actual lack of motivation. (continued)
>>34561986>>34564834(continued.)2. The rest of your lifestyle is also making you mentally ill.I sincerely believe any moderately difficult task can be accomplished once, regardless of motivation and mental state. That said, sustained, consistent improvement over a longer period of time DOES require motivation. After you clean your basement (and only after!!!!) you should try to quantify everything you feel could be making you mentally ill, with an emphasis on physiological stuff. a. How many minutes of sunlight do you get per day? Your body requires 10 minutes of peak sunlight OR 30 minutes of off-peak sunlight to metabolize vitamin D. Vitamin D deficiency has a VERY close link to depression, more so than almost any other physiological thing. If you rarely go outside, and always feel depressed, this is almost certainly why. For the purposes of this point, peak sunlight is 10am to 2pm, off-peak is any other time when the sun is up. The exact amount of time you need may be lower or higher depending on your skin tone and the weather. Lighter skin needs less sun. If your skin is very pale, that is actually an adaptation by your body - it recognizes it is deficient in sunlight and is trying to get more.Use common sense when getting sun. Do not try to get your sunlight when it is cloudy. Only exposed skin can "use" sunlight, so try to wear as little as possible (obviously dont do this naked though, lmao)b. Do you go to bed at the same time every night? Most people don't know this, but this is almost as important as getting 8/9 hours of sleep. I've read papers that claim inconsistent 9 hour rest is worse for the brain than consistent 4 hour rest. For me, this was the lifestyle change that produced the most immediate and noticeable results - within two weeks of locking down a consistent bedtime, I felt significantly more alert and in control of my time than I had before. Kind of ironic, considering I'm fucking that up to write this at 2 in the morning.
>>34561986>>34564834>>34564847(continued.)c. How much physical activity do you get? Resistance training (weightlifting) has a very weak positive effect on mental state, and aerobic exercise (anything that makes your heart go fast) has a moderate/high positive effect. 20 minutes of sustained aerobic exercise every day will improve your mental state a ton. This can be 20 minutes of jumping jacks of 20 minutes of running. High-intensity activity has a much bigger effect than low or moderate intensity activity, so much so that 20 minutes of sprinting is generally thought to be better for you than 4 hours of walking. I emphasize the important of HIGH intensity aerobic exercise. If your heart isn't pounding like crazy (like you're running from a cheetah) it isn't high intensity.I recognize exercise, especially intense cardiovascular exercise, is a big ask for someone in your position, so if you feel like you can't do this, you should prioritize sleep and sunlight over aerobic exercise. That said, this is still an extremely important part of improving your mental state, and if you ever feel like you have even a little bit of motivation left over you should use it on this. This is the hardest thing that I would say you absolutely must to do to change your mental state.I recommend you focus on everything I've talked about in this order:1.Consistently going to sleep at the same time2. Sunlight3. Aerobic exerciseAll three of these things feed into each other, and doing any of the two will make the third much easier. Your heart being exhausted, in particular, makes sleep much easier.Various, small, hard-to-quantify things might also be making you depressed, but I would wager they cause maybe ~20% of your lack of motivation max, and the three things I've outlined are the other 80%.
>>34561986>>34564834>>34564847>>34564855(continued.)3. For my third and final point, I will talk about socialization, friendship, and speaking to normal people.Most autists have two problems with socializing: finding people to talk with, and actually doing the talking.When it comes to finding people to talk with: Do not cold approach. This goes for both friendships and romantic relationships. The vast majority of people do not like being cold approached, and you are very unlikely to find success if you do. Even extremely charismatic, beautiful people with magnetic personalities fail the vast majority of cold approaches they attempt, simply because most people consider unprompted conversation inherently suspicious. Autists like us have no chance.You also should not go to bars or nightclubs, because those are environments made for people who know what they are doing. If you are not very experienced, you will just make a fool of yourself. Having had a go at basically every method in the book, I can say with absolute certainty that there is one undisputed champion that easily trumps all other methods: attending clubs or meetings with people that have similar interests. There are a couple of reasons why this works so well:a. Normies consider this the "proper" way of making friends, so they will be way more receptive to your advances.b. Everyone is there voluntarily, so people are unlikely to brush you off your attempts at conversation because they're busy with something else.c. A predetermined topic defines the environment, so you can talk to strangers for hours without prior knowledge of them or their interests.Since you are still in school, you have the advantage of being able to join clubs and student organizations. I would HIGHLY recommend you take advantage of this as much as you can, because making friends after school is a PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS.I will talk about the second problem, actually talking to people, in my next post:
>>34561986>>34564855Nicely written posts, fren. It's doing the basic stuff consistently over a prolonged period of time that brings results (80/20 rule). I'd add 3 things:1. Diet: Its benefits will bleed into the physical exercise and sleep quality, creating positive feedback circles with many overlaps; 2. Avoiding poisons of the body and mind(stressors, substances, chemicals, etc.);3. In the long-term, all this maintenance work will lead to more energy and mental clarity, both very needed to tackle more complex stuff like setting goals and put in the work to acheive them, or just making life overall more bearable, enjoyable even.
>>34561986>>34564834>>34564847>>34564855>>34564895(continued.)Alright, so now for how to actually talk to people.Physical appearance matters when socializing, but its importance is overstated, especially for platonic friendships. When it comes to friendships, people prefer charismatic, high-energy, ugly people much more than insufferable, low-energy, beautiful people. This dynamic is usually reversed in romantic relationships, hence the stereotype of the super hot but very boring bimbo/himbo. When making friends, just don't look like a total retard and you'll be fine.So how can one actually become charismatic? Normies tap into charisma by following their intuition, but that's off limits for autists. There's not really an easy answer to this, but there are a two things that help a lot:a. Your level of energy you have during conversation.Normal people have significantly more mirror neurons in their brain than autists. If you don't know what mirror neurons are, they're a part of the brain that activate to mimic observed behavior. The quintessential example of mirror neurons doing their thing would be: you scratch your face, the person you're talking to does it automatically without realizing. In experiments, autistic people are orders of magnitude less likely to imitate actions like this, because we have much less mirror neurons.Mirror neurons don't just control motorical imitation, though, they also control emotional imitation. You might see where this is going. When you or I talk to someone who is obviously anxious and uninterested, we might *logically* reason "oh, this person is anxious" and begin winding the conversation down. But we probably don't feel anxious ourselves. Likewise, when we talk to someone who is very bubbly and high energy, we might go "oh, this person is interested in what we're saying" and keep talking, but we probably don't feel very bubbly ourselves. (cont.)
>>34561986>>34564847>>34564855>>34564895>>34564932(continued.)Normal people are not like this at all. When normies see someone feel a certain way, their brains automatically mimic that feeling, immediately and fully. Because of this, the emotion they feel when hearing someone speak is often more important than the words actually said. If you've ever seen two people make small talk for half an hour, exchange no useful information, and thought to yourself "well, what the fuck was the point of that?" you just witnessed two people feeding off of each other's emotional state.It is absolutely imperative that you do not give off the appearance of being anxious when people talk to you, because then they will feel anxious about talking to you. The same goes for appearing disinterested or tired. Likewise, If you want people to like you, you need to project an appearance of being interested and moderately high energy with your voice and face when you speak. This is easier than it sounds. You might already know how to do it, but not consistently apply it because you underestimate how important it is to other people. If you really don't, watch TV shows and mimic the intonations and facial expressions of charismatic characters in low-stakes, friendly conversations. I again ask you to use common sense here and not mimic the mannerisms of batman. The second thing I'd recommend autists focus on to get better results is: b. Ask the person you're talking to a lot of questions. If the person you're talking to says "I'm really into computers", you should not go "okay, that's cool". The person is not telling you that to convey a preference. What they want you to do is ask "What made you like computers?", so they can respond to that with, "oh, my father bought me a raspberry pi when I was eight". Then you ask "you could program when you were eight?", and they go "Oh yeah, my parents thought I was gifted, I actually skipped a grade."
>>34561986>>34564932>>34564977(continued.)Ideally, the conversation should branch out as you gain exponentially more information about the person from the things they say. By the time it's over, you should have enough facts about this person in your head that you could ask a hundred questions about their life if you cared to. If all has gone well and you know a lot about this person, you can propose you become friends by either subtly implying you want to remain in contact with them (what's your social media, dude?) or just outright asking if it seems you can get away with being blunt (want to be friends?) Once you've done that, congrats, you're on the road to a better life.Anyways, that's all I have to say. With that information, you should be able to fix your surroundings, re-kindle your motivation, and break into socialization, even if you've spent the last five years in a coma. I hope my posts helped you, OP. There's a lot more I could say, but I'm tired as fuck and I think I've done enough. I'll be watching this thread for the next few days so let me know if you need clarification on anything I said. You can absolutely unfuck your life, and I've known people in far worse scenarios than yours totally come back from it. Me included. Believe in yourself.>>34564899Thanks anon :) Good advice, especially the bit about increased energy letting you tackle bigger fish. I've noticed that in my own life too.
>>34561986Shit's fucky. You ok with your mom getting in trouble? Take some more pictures, talk to a counselor at school, let them know you are diagnosed, show them the pictures and tell them you need help.In the meantime, buy or FLAT OUT STEAL trash bags. "My mom forgot these", "We got the wrong ones", "i got the wrong brand, my mom's in the car", just confidently walk out the door, panic and run, anything. Just leave. Stealing one box of trash bags isn't a capital offence.Then, you "Pomodoro Method" it.Set a timer for 10 minutes on your phone.And then clean for 10 minutes. Anything. That's it. That's all you have to do. Shouldn't be tough.After, take a 10 minute break. Alright.Clean for 10 more minutes.Take an hour break after an hour, but set a timer.Why is there mold? Plumbing problems or messiness? Plumbing problems require a plumber, bleach spray should kill regular mold. Bleach spray costs about $2 a spray bottle, or you can make it, or steal it.You smell like shit from all the trash and literal shit (and piss), so socialization will be difficult until you fix it.Or a social worker abducts you.Chin up, son; there's sunny days ahead. But you are going to have to worth for it.
