I know I have a lot of mental issues, but I'm afraid to tell anyone abt it,cuz I look like an ordinary girl,and I live in a post-Soviet country, where anyone would judge me for my thoughts and consider me abnormal.I even get a little excited when I watch stalker videos, and I'm not talking about the”handsome”ones in TV series any stalker really catches my attention.I'm something of a stalker mslf, but mine is very small-scale literally just looking at activity online. I don't even text or spam,even though I have a lot of accounts, anywhere from 4-40.I stalked my interests online, sometimes finding relatives because it was too easy,like following someone or using their last name.But I want to be stalked I often cried because I was the one stalking, not me.It's not I'm freak,I'm good looking,and men often show me attention, but most of it is online.I'm not much of an outdoors person.I mostly play computer games,cuz I really enjoy it.I may have had a couple of stalkers,but they were not like real ones,and it was all just words.But I want action, adrenaline.I often quickly lose interest,even if someone sends me dozens of messages,because for me, that's not action.I often see mslf in characters who are stalkers,although Ik that I will never follow a person like they do,cuz I want to be the stalked.I want to be obsessed with me and think only about me,I have never been cheated on,but I am afraid of this thought,I have only had one relationship on the Internet.I don’t know, but I know that I don’t like normal healthy relationships,I don’t want to be just loved, but an object of adoration for a person.I don’t know how to get rid of this or what to do,I would like to somehow anonymously solve this, because I am plunging into this dark hole even more and my thoughts are becoming much darker and eating me inside.After all, 4 years of dark thoughts are affecting my mental health:(
>>34563645date scorpio men, scorpio venus men, they do this shit and fixate on you. it won't make you feel desired, it just signals lack of trust.
>>34563662Hehe, idk, I want strong obsession and control, that person wakes up with thought about me, sleep with thought about me, check my social media (that I don’t really have lol)
>>34563645>I'm something of a stalker mslfI wish I had a stalker gf :(>tfw no stalker gf
>>34563730:(
>>34563691I don't think people who do it come from a healthy place... an ex of mine kinda did this, scorpio venus, capricorn moon... some INTX type... he was going through my posts online, going through my phone, going through recent chats, getting jealous over random things and getting depressed over it, telling me how I must have so many options since I'm a woman, anticipating abandonment by calling himself boring, stupid, ugly and whatnot.reassuring him did nothing as he kept nitpicking further, telling me that he must be balding, that his face is shaped like an eggplant, that his friends only like him for being a jester and all sorts of weird things. in my experience it's pretty exhausting, because deep down it's really just layers and layers of insecurity and the guy just suffers. are you sure you really wanna be with such a person?those traits were a dealbreaker for me because otherwise he was a great guy and he brought out a nasty side of me as I internalized his narrative.
>>34563750I know, I realize it's not normal, but I can't shake the thought. If I come across a story about it on TikTok or YouTube, it somehow excites me. I can't help myself and can't rely on professional help. Sometimes I even let it slip to the guys I meet that I like it, but they're ordinary and think I'm weird, even though I probably am.
>>34563756Sometimes tears come to my eyes because I don't have this.
>>34563759>Sometimes tears come to my eyes because I don't have this.
>>34563756it is kinda normal, I remember that back when I was a teen, most of my friends saw these types of obsessions as real, ideal love... maybe it's just something we unlearn as we grow older and see how those dynamics play out.
>>34563773I wish I could, but this has been going on for years. I tried talking to regular men, but I was just bored without it. My interest quickly waned because I didn't have that feeling of what I wanted. Knowing myself, this is unlikely to go away, but maybe someday I'll just accept that I can be in a regular relationship. After all, in my only relationship, I constantly hinted that I liked it, almost forcing my partner to be like that, although he was just an ordinary man and I regret abt my actions
>>34563772I'm sorry, I don't want to devalue your problem in any way, I'm sorry that this happened to you, I wish you a healthy and loving relationship (*-*)
you like to be adored, like to stalk people. its probably underlying narcissistic pathology. get a therapist (that may not even help unless you feel some real pressure to change however)
>>34563803maybe you'll be happy with mellower, healthier expressions of it. do you really want extreme obsession? how does the thought of it make you feel? maybe you could make a list of the qualities you want and why you want them and go through them without necessarily having the idea of obsesssion and stalking in mind, maybe other wants and needs lie beneath and it just your subconscious translating it into something more capturing? it's probably worth a try to attempt unveiling the thought process.
>>34563849I'm embarrassed to talk about it, or even write about it, but I really like to say the worst things that could happen, things that don't happen in normal relationships. These obsessive thoughts don't harm anyone but me, but it's really hard for me that I'm like this, even though I haven't had any traumatic experiences in my life and haven't been unloved by anyone close to me.
>>34563825>I'm sorry, I don't want to devalue your problem in any way, I'm sorry that this happened to you, I wish you a healthy and loving relationship (*-*)My relationship? I was marking your comment, fren... But thank you.
