Last year I started hanging out with my player friends who who would invite me out and encouraged me to try alcohol to help me socialize to possibly 'get lucky'.I never did get lucky.I've recently developed a terrible fixation on one particular night were I flirted with a female friend of a friend and was turned down, and have now somehow convinced myself that I might have lost my virginity that day (I didn't).Even though I know nothing happened, I keep asking myself WHAT IF, and get stuck in thought loops for ages.Please help me get to the bottom of this fixation, IDK what this shit is.
The fixation stems from a fear of going to hell from sex before marriage, but nothing happened that night - but I am losing my mind asking myself 'what if you do not remember', since I was drinking on that day.This is a serious post, please to not play with my already paranoid brain.
>>34565782The obsessional neurotic tries to resolve uncertainty completely. But desire itself is built on lack. Obsession works by endlessly circling an impossible point of uncertainty. But why? Because you are sustaining enjoyment. Ur not looking for factual information. We derrive a strange enjoyment from circling endlessly a compulsive psychic intensity. Anyone who has browsed a steam library for hours without playing a game knows this feeling too well. Ordinary reality is unsatisfying so fantasy is injected instead of you just getting rejected well... Maybe something fundamental may have happened... Fantasy structures reality itself. The mandate of the big other is to ask are you enjoying enough? You were supposed to lose your virginity why didn't you? And that is the most painful mandate of capitalism, the mandate to enjoy. Anyways... The point is there is a lot more going on then u think and a lot of it is out of your control I suggest losing Christianity it's a yoke of discomfort especially for people like us, highly neurotic freaks
>>34565820Am I neurotic? How can I be certain of this.I just want to stop torturing myself with self-doubt and thought loops. It is making me nauseous and agitated, no enjoyment on my part.
>>34565820and btw are neuroticism and autism the same thing?I think i might just have some OCD that got out of hand
>>34565782As a outsider it sounds like a rape confession.
>>34565990Lol reddit moment. I sat for the rest of the party while taking notes on my phone and playing mobile games. Later at home I played videogames while buzzed. The autistic compulsion of mine to document everything along with my friends witnessing me leaving proves that I am just a retard with OCD.I wanted to know if I might have autism, that is all.
>>34565785Are you an observant Christian?Did you attend fuddy-duddy Bible school, where an old, withered, shrew-faced bint psyopped you into thinking God cares about humans rubbing their meat together?
>>34568648no. I only went to church a few times.The thing is, this is not the first time that I have become fixated on something that did not happen.IDK what this shit is
