Tomorrow I'm meeting with my doctor to ask for antidepressants. I've found myself actively preparing my things and affairs "just in case" of sudden death or suicide. I have a 1179 word document telling all the people I love that I love them and describing why I may end up killing myself, that I hope they never read it etc.I have never been on antidepressants before. Please tell me about them from your personal experience. What can I expect? Did they work for you? Are you still on them, and how long have you been?I'm in the tired old faggy lonely story you've heard a million times>34 years old>All my peers and family members have signifficant others>Been single and depressed all my life>Live in a tiny town with deep roots, slim pickings when it comes to potential girlfriends>Atopic dermatitis>Chronic headache that has lasted 5 years and still going>Staring down the barrel of becoming a welfare leech because I can't reliably work 50% I don't want to kill myself. I want a wife and kids. At the same time I don't want to pick up the local crackwhore off the street, or the hamplanet 3x my size. I have people who love me, and I love them, but I'm sure most of you have an idea of how profoundly lonely one can be despite that. My limbs feel heavy, I stare into space even at work, though nobody has commented on it yet. Eating or preparing for the next day feels utterly meaningless. Zero success on Tinder or Match.com. I don't drink alcohol, have social anxiety, and can't hold a smalltalk conversation with people I don't know to save my life, so I don't meet people IRL. People vent and ask me for advice when they're having trouble with their partners, as if I wouldn't kill to have those sorts of problems instead.Blah blah blah I feel like a faggot even writing this down. I feel only anger towards myself, and like a ghost otherwise.I'm going to bed now. Please give me any advice you see fit. Things to bring up to the doc, specific meds to avoid, etc. Good night
>>34566567>be me, successful civil engineer>late 2022 (age 29): stop being able to enjoy hobbies and video games>late 2023 (age 30): be so low on willpower that I can't force myself to do my assigned work; have 24/7/365 headache; realize that I have depression; get prescription for antidepressant (escitalopram)>late 2024 (age 31): on escitalopram; still can't enjoy hobbies and video games, but willpower mostly returns and headache mostly disappears>late 2025 (age 32): antidepressant becomes ineffective; symptoms get even worse than late 2023; quit job; have just barely enough savings for "financial independence/early retirement" (no government gibs other than free health insurance)>early 2026 (age 32.5): trying to relax at home; symptoms are steady at late-2023 level
>>34566596Forgot to mention I stopped taking escitalopram after quitting my job.
>>34566567There are a number of different types of antidepressant drug, and they all feel rather different. It depends which you get.
Antidepressants carry a "Black Box" FDA warning for suicide, especially in those 25 and under. I have been on them when in reality I should not have been. People often push them as magic pills to fix REAL PROBLEMS people have that need REAL SOLUTIONS. They make you numb and for me personally they erased the "good angel" voice in my head. The one that told me to put the knife down, the one that told me, "Go to bed, sleep, tomorrow is a new day, try again tomorrow and when you wake up you will feel better." On antidepressants that voice was murdered and the only voice I head was the "bad angel".As a high schooler I was an emo autistic loser and loved to cut myself. But I grew out of it. I made myself promise I would stop, and I stopped. Fast forward to age 24. Life kicked me in the balls hard! Then while I was trying to recover It just kept kicking and i snapped. I found an old box cutter, a dull rusty one, and I just started raking it across my arm like a zombie. The good voice in my head was gone, I was just left alone with my depression and my sorrow and my loneliness. In HS I used to cut in specific spots so I could hide it even under short sleeve shirts. This time I didn't even bother to do that. This is a common feeling with antidepressants, numbness of emotions to the point of distress or "becoming a zombie".>From Google AI:The side effect where antidepressants make you feel emotionally numb, zombified, and lose your internal voice (or "inner angel" that acts as a moral compass or self-care guide) is primarily called emotional blunting, also known as emotional numbing or apathy syndrome. It is a well-reported issue affecting 40-60% of people on SSRIs/SNRIs.Unless you are suicidal NOW and your only hope is SSRIs I would advise against them as the cure could be worse than the depression. Good luck, be blessed. Seek Christ.
I think I can understand Anon. I lost almost everything in a span of six months. My fiancée, then my appartment and then my jobs. Currently I'm 35 and have nobody besides my family. I honestly would also cinsider suicide if not for my parents and siblings.I feel the desire to improve my live and pick myself up from absolute failure sometimes helps, it even gives me a lot of strength, but finding a job is so difficult I don't expect to get something in the next months to be honest.
>>34566567I’ve been suicidal since elementary school, I ignored it and soldiered on for most of my life. Getting on Prozac later in life really did help me but it helped me because I was already doing the shit you should be doing to try and fix your ie, all the /fit/ advice of work out, eat clean, and get enough sleep. I’ll add on find a spiritual path and keep it as your compass in life. In fact, do all that if you haven’t already first. If you still feel like necking yourself then try pills and see if it helps. If you just get on pills and don’t do anything to actively try and make your life better I’m convinced that’s what turns people into Ssri zombies. At the same time, I also don’t want to steer anyone away from it because the fear of being an Ssri zombie was what held me back from getting help in the first place.Remember this, if you’re planning on offing yourself there’s no reason not to give every other option a try first. You can always off yourself tomorrow.As for dosage I started at 10, then 20, then 40, then back down to 20. 40 was too much and killed my sex drive.
>>34566567You should know that there are multiple different kinds of antidepressants and it is basically a mystery how they work. Some will not work for you at all or may make things worse. It is likely at least one will work.When you are prescribed antidepressants, record *every day* how you feel, any change in ahedonia, suicidal thoughts, crying, etc. Then if things don't get better after a month, go back to the doctor and show them your daily log and ask for a different drug. Do this until you get a drug that works. If a drug makes you feel really bad or really suicidal, stop taking it and make a doctors appointment
>>34566567>Atopic dermatitis>Chronic headacheDetox and parasite cleanse with chlorine dioxide protocols.
>>34566567OP here. I was given "Escitalopram Actavis", and an appointment with a "community mental health center". Idk what to expect from either, so we'll see, fingers crossed.>>34566598>>34566596Anything specific I should know before I begin, from your experience? I've worked hard to become lean, and I'm slightly worried about that 50/50 appetite increase/decrease.I hope things get better for you.>>34566922>I honestly would also cinsider suicide if not for my parents and siblings.That's what has kept me alive since I was 16. Then it became only my parents, and now I'm faltering there too.Good luck.>>34566972>Remember this, if you’re planning on offing yourself there’s no reason not to give every other option a try first. You can always off yourself tomorrow.Yeah, for now this is my mindset. Thank you.
>>34568257>Anything specific I should know before I begin, from your experience? I've worked hard to become lean, and I'm slightly worried about that 50/50 appetite increase/decrease.Literally the only side effect that I experienced was severe stomach pain (not really hunger) that I could alleviate only by eating. I did gain some weight, but I was fat already.
It’s funny I was originally going to write see you tomorrow new fag only to be right Now I write did you kill yourself yet?
You are the captain of your own ship OP like Captain Jack Sparrow or George Floyd or Satan you posted
>>34568490>"Tomorrow I'm meeting with my doctor">"Please give me any advice you see fit">I was originally going to write see you tomorrow new fag only to be rightWow that's impressive anon, you're practically a mystic! A clairvoyant!
>>34566567I know the anons advocating against antidepressants can sound a bit schizo, but they're not lying, and they're not wrong.I've been prescribed the same exact antidepressant you've mentioned, my advice: don't even start them, don't bother with them.Let's be honest here for a second, tell me about your depression.Are you feeling sad no for discernible reason, are you overly emotional, breaking down and crying, and you can't even say why?Or are you feeling sad because you are unsuccessful, you're not living up to your mental standards, your outter-actions do not reflect your inner-mind?If it's the former, OK, then maybe you are good to go with antidepressants.If it's the latter, though, I promise you they'll be of no help, and you're honestly, unironically, better off with stimulants, instead.Not to mention the fact that antidepressants can cause permanent erectile dysfunction and loss of libido.
>>34572223...It's a real thing, look it up, it's called PSSD, and there's even a subreddit for it, r/pssd.Had to hit send before finishing up my post because the thread was about to get pruned, but you get the point.
>>34572241One last thing, 5000mcg of methylfolate to provide relief for the muscle fatigue you're likely experiencing.I'm not a Doctor, though.
I was on zoloft for a while for my anxiety/ocd and it helped a lot. I know it's different from depression, but antidepressants are also first line treatments for anxiety and ocd related disorders.I felt really at peace, there was very little annoying "noise" in my head and random thoughts didn't take so much time. I found I wasn't able to be cruel to myself as often anymore.Only downside is it killed my already low libido. But other than that, they made my life much more livable.Wish you the best, OP. Try to get into psychotherapy (CBT has the most evidence based research backing it) if you can. Medication tends to work best when paired with active management and learning about how to cope with stuff like this.Wish you the best.
>anti depressantsdo stimulants instead and lock tf in.u will stop telling faggy stories.if u take ssris like a 17 yr old girl ur stories are going to get faggier.u can’t do both or u get serotonin syndrome.what will it be op, red pill or blue pill?
