Idk if this counts as /adv/, and apologies if that's the case, as I'm pretty set on what actions i'm going to take but I did want others opinions> be me> broke up with ex ~7 years ago> its not an excuse, but i was going through a lot mentally at the time (work was rough, family member was dying, and so on)> as we had been going out a few years, we were at the "it gets really serious and we should move in together and basically are married" phase or breakup> i stupidly, impulsively, chose the latter> came out of the mental fog like 3 years ago and have thought about them all the time since (my parent died, i lost my job, i got another job, i lost my job again, i got another job, etc... i got fat, i got skinny)> it is a decision i regret, and will regret, for the rest of my life> we broke up quite quickly and very unceremoniously again because of my stupid decision(s)i've decided that i want to reach out and just apologize as it wasn't fair to them. i want to tell them that i think about them every day. that i'm still in love with them, and i wish them the best, though i understand they've of course moved on in life (they could be married and have kids for all i know as i don't have social media and neither do they). they could be a very different person now.> note: we're both over 30 so no offense, i know the zoomers may not entirely click with thisi've accepted that i could reach out and one of the following could happen, going from negative to positive> they tell me to fuck off and die and i ruined their life and they hate me> they just don't respond> they say "hope you're well but i don't want to chat"> they say they'd be open to grabbing a coffee or somethingmy logic is nothing ventured, nothing gained, and all that. at best maybe something great happens. at worst, i know where i stand and i get closure on something that's been wracking my brain for years. all i do know is i should have done it earlier.> thoughts?
a single bump. i am curious as to others opinions.
After such a long time, you can be selfish with your motives for reaching out, I.e. self-forgiveness. Good luck OP
unless you've had some sort of indication they want you to reach out, then don't. they don't want or need an apology and you're only doing it to make yourself feel better while they have the old wound opened out of nowhere
Lmfao.
>>34567795I secretly wish my ex reached out, but he will never
>>34568518nigga you gay
>>34568584I wish I was a man. Would be easier to move on.
It's very likely that this person has moved on with their life. They may have another partner, kids, new issues that have arisen that you couldn't have forseen.If you do decide to initiate contact, do so without any ulterior motive. Only do so if you legitimately want to know what their life looks like today.I don't think you're likely to get any of those responses bar possibly no response, more likely to get cliffnotes about their life in your absence.
>>34567795>them>theysounds gay
From my perspective this is a fucking awful and selfish idea. Its like exhuming a corpse. Your ex has finally moved on after getting dumped and now you wanna lay your deelings back on em and open up old wounds? You can reach out and apologize with them, see how it goes, but do not give them that bullshit about how you still love them. My ex reached out to me last year saying similar shit and I clung onto it because I was going through shit and felt lonely as fuck. Of course she just ended up ghosting me after we talked for a couple days. You were the one who ended things so you would not get how much it fucking hurts to have somebody you've grieved and gotten over come back into your life.>>34568667The grass is always greener. I wish it was easier, the last girl I saw was fucking dudes a month after we broke up and Ive been absolutely alone for over 5 years lol.
>>34569132wow, I thought only girls can't let go. Guys always seem to just move on pretty fast from what I saw. Sorry anon
>>34567795do it
>>34568194>>34568466these i understand, and i of course don't mean to do any harm to them. i'm not looking for forgiveness, and completely understand that they're a different person and i was a chapter in their life at best.i want to see how they are, explain why things happened the way they happened, wish them well. if anything, it'll be closing a small wound that's never healed. akin to a drunk making amends with those they hurt after going to AA, is the way i've thought of it. the only time i would ever "ask them out", for lack of a better phrase, is if i was given a massive green light, which let's be honest... isn't happening and not my intention.>>34568518>>34568712>>34569261thanks
>>34569604let us know how it goesalso, only reach out if you're willing to marry her now.
>>34567795>they>they>theyAre you homossexual?
>>34567795>thoughts?I do not believe for one moment that you are telling us, or yourself, the truth. You are hoping she will take you back, and you will be absolutely devastated when she doesn't.
>>34567795Bump I need to know if this does actually help
>>34568667Who told you that retarded shit?t. 31 and never stopped loving the woman I was with when I was 20 even after she cheated and I had to dump her to preserve my dignity
>>34567795My ex actually got back in touch with me after about 10 years with a generic how're you doing, hope you're well message and we've been chatting on and off since. In my case enough time has passed for it not to feel as emotionally loaded. We've also both matured, moved on, had other relationships, and have been through therapy in the intervening time so we were able to talk it through and both apologised for what happened like sensible adults. There's a chance you'll never get closure though, and from your post it feels like you're still not emotionally mature enough to handle that possibility. As for reaching out, do you even have a plan? I think a polite thinking of you, how's life message is better than a huge trauma dump apology.
>>34568194We're all a bit selfish>>34568466Not necessarily, depends on the person>>34571902I'm >>34573131 and I think it really helped me and my ex, but only by virtue of who we've both becomes in those years apart. There's no generic answer I'm afraid, you know them best
>>34567795Just do it. You’ll never know if you don’t try.
