Genuinely how do you care about anything in life? If you don’t, why are you still here? I don’t really feel much and haven’t for a while now - I’m 23, been on and off antidepressants, and struggle to find meaning and enjoyment in anything I do. I’m in university right now because it feels like what I should do, after this, is it really just working 40 years, spending maybe a couple hours a day on something to distract you? I don’t understand why people are just ok with that, does no one else feel like this is all just a game we’re playing to avoid how meaningless things are? I’ve tried to pretend that there’s purpose and to try to find my own meaning, but I just can’t.
I’ve being dealing with loneliness for years - everyone I come across feels so fake; it’s like no one cares about actual connection or understanding each other, it’s just people using each other for convenience or to make themselves feel better. I haven’t really had friends in probably a decade and whenever I try to put myself out there, i either get disappointed by what people are like or get this overwhelming feeling that there isn’t any point to to continuing. I genuinely don’t understand how people can live like this: do other people not feel this way? I know I should just live in the moment, try to find something meaningful to me, and lower my standards and be more open to people, but even trying this I’m always disappointed with no results. I really only had aspirations for being a scientist and having a family, and now, I cannot get interested in what I based my education and career plans on. As for a family, I’m a khv and wanted to wait until I found someone had the same dating goals and expectations as me: I overhear women talk so much about fooling around, see romantic gestures being made meaningless by being used for anyone (including but not limited to their actual partner), and so much switch up on sexuality (whatever they’re in the mood for apparently), that I genuinely do not have any hope for a romantic future. I know they’re are so many women out there that aren’t like this, and I’m probably in a very biased area (California university) and spend too much time on the internet, but it’s so hard to have hope when all you’ve experienced for so long points to the opposite of what you’re hoping for. If you actually read this, thanks and sorry, pic not really related, it’s just what I saved last
>>34567874>If you don’t, why are you still here?Uncomfortable with the thought of psychologically damaging my family and too pussy to use a suicide method that has a high chance of working because those ones hurt. In any given moment it's usually less work to just bend over and take it than find something at least 7 stories tall to jump off of. Path of least resistance basically.
>>34567874>>34567877You have to take pride in who you are and what you do. I know that sounds like retarded boomer advice, but it's the one commonality I've observed in people who care deeply about life. If you're proud of who you are, you'll be okay with missing out on fun and fulfilling things to reach conventional measures of success. If you feel ambivalent about your work - not necessarily negatively, just neutral - you'll find you're unable to muster the will to care.That still sounds boomerish and preachy, so to reword what I'm saying: Some people are able to relentlessly commit to work, because they've internalized that success in and of itself is the ultimate goal, even if they have no time or energy left for anything else. You seem to have an outward-looking approach to life - you see life as a place to experience things rather than a race to win. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, I'm the same way, and most people on this board are like that too. It makes it way harder to compete with normal people, though, because you have fundamentally different expectations about what life is. It also makes it harder to care, because you need interesting things and experiences to be happy, which are harder to come by than any old job.If I had a solution to this, I'd tell you. You could try gaslighting yourself into thinking you value success more than happiness, but I feel like these sort of subconscious expectations about the world are formed so early in life it's impossible to undo them. If nothing else, I hope this helped you understand why you feel life is so unfulfilling while your peers seem thrilled by the prospect of working their lives away.
>>34567937Thanks for the response, I’d say that growing up I always had expectations that life should be somewhat of an adventure, so it’s very possible I carried those expectations into adulthood. As for finding pride in work, I can definitely say that was there when I think back on when things seemed more enjoyable, so I might try to find a way to appreciate the work I’m able to do; I’ve really only been doing hobbies and work/school because I feel like I should - it might help to try a different perspective.
>>34567874I was a straight up depressed loner until I was 24. I don't know how it really happened but I was always doodling around my textbooks my whole life and at 24 I just went to a bookstore and bought a sketchbook out of nowhere and a fineliner pen. Then I decided to do one page of sketches every day. My inspiration was Kim Jung Gi, a korean sketch artist who was directly drawing with ink, without any pre-sketching to have perfect lines. I was amazed by how he was careless if he made any mistake. He hardly did. It felt so risky to me but I just started doing the same. Drawing with ink directly. And doing this made me learn the feeling of bliss while drawing. I forgot about everything around me. It's like you play a few games of league and when you get off the day is suddenly over and you wasted your time. It's the same feeling but you feel really good about what you did. I stuck to this and after 4 years I have several filled sketchbooks, my own art style developed and many other artist friends I made who appreciate my art and style, not to mention I had attention from artsy girls. It totally turned my life around and gave my life a meaning.
