I was on the path to greatness until a few months after my 17th birthday when my brain went screwy. Like I lost the ability to connect with reality in the correct way, or feel any motivation or have any self confidence. I skipped 100+ days of school across my last 3 semesters and got multiple incompletes on my transcript, only graduating b/c of the pandemic but rejected by all my target universities. Then half a decade flashed before my eyes, and now I'm a 23 year old loser with a useless degree that I got from a shitty public college. No friends. KHHV. No internships. No projects. No drivers license. No skills or talents. No desire to do anything but watch youtube videos while playing guitar just like when I was 17. My cognitive peak was wasted on idleness and indecision. Now I fear it is too late. I spend a lot of time scrolling twitter and linkedin looking at people who I could once call my peers blossoming intellectually and physically while I remain a scrawny, insecure mouse of a man.Is it worth trying if I can't capture what I sought back when I was a teenager? I feel emotionally (and physically, unfortunately,) frozen at that period in my life. I got a root canal a few months ago because my tooth started disintegrating from a hitherto undiscovered autoimmune disorder. Every night I have dreams about my body falling apart. Last night my skin and muscles began to melt away revealing nothing but bones and loose organs with blood vessels coming disconnected like wires yanked from a computer. The night before that, of being suddenly launched to extreme heights with no choice but to savor the precious seconds before I hit the ground.
>>34570551>Is it worth trying if I can't capture what I sought back when I was a teenager?Yes. These feelings will never go away and the alternative is way worse than trying.
>Last night my skin and muscles began to melt away revealing nothing but bones and loose organs with blood vessels coming disconnected like wires yanked from a computerI can't tell if you're schizophrenic, severely ill, or a melodramatic cry baby. Since there is a 66% chance you are not a cry baby I'd suggest you seek professional medical and mental health intervention as soon as possible. If you're just a cry baby....well stop it. 23 is still plenty of time to accomplish many great things. Driver's license is #1, no woman will fuck you if you can't drive, period, end of story. You need to get a license, some tight foid pussy, and perhaps a good rheumatologist for your health issues. Make a list of what you need to accomplish in life and start with the smallest easiest task on the list first. Also exercise, eat right, and shower once a day. In a lot of ways 23 is better than 17 as you're more emotionally mature, 5 extra years of life experience and you've seen enough bullshit in life to recognize it better and avoid it. Maybe starting late isn't as bad as you suspect. Now go clean your room homo.
>>34570551>I got a root canalkeeping dead things in body breed parasites
>>34570680Not op but thx, i needed this
>>34571275You're welcome. I believe in you, anon :)
How old were you when we went into quarantine? I'm asking because what you're describing is exactly what happened to me (I was 13-ish, though, so much different developmentally). My sense of time passing was completely annihilated and I experienced a disconnect from reality. Everything passes extremely quickly and it doesn't leave much time for growth or reflection. I blink and half the year is over. I also feel stunted. I'm 19, but I only now feel like I'm 16. The pandemic caused a lot of stagnation. I'm not gonna say it caused brain damage, because that's overdramatic as fuck and physically inaccurate, but I've heard a lot of people express the same. What you're describing sounds like derealization, but the autoimmune condition makes me think there might be a physical root to it. You've probably done this, but I'd request a full blood panel and see if everything checks out.Otherwise, I say you have to push yourself. You have to try. The joy and development you were "supposed to" experience in your teenage years isn't limited to it. I'm 19 and I just got my first job. There's no set path.
>>34570551gonna give my two cents here. I lost 10 years of my life to chronic illness. I slept 14-18 hours a day every single day. i missed every normal experience of those my age, i stagnated while others grew and excelled. i went to college due to government funding alone. i stumbled through every aspect of my life during that time. i have broken out of that cycle now after 10 years semi recently. in my experience things are never going to be the exact same, you arent the you you were then. stop chasing a person you no longer are. find what works for you. find new ways to approach old issues. i found different ways to do the things and approach the things i used to be good at and found new academic ability. the bad news i have from my same experience is that the derealization never truly goes away on its own. you can force fake confidence until it becomes real and you can force motivation but you can never truly force yourself back into your own human skin to not feel like an alien. im still trying to figure out the solution to that part myself. thinking of therapy as reluctant as i am. i empathize that it truly is awful and debilitating and im sorry you are dealing with that but it does get better. you can be a better you i believe in you. take things a day at a time and stop chasing the old you and try new things. discover the new you and learn to love and grow into that state. your abilities will come back as you get more comfortable and the motivation and confidence will follow one after the other. i believe in you anon you'll figure it out. good luck :)
>>34570551First of all, nice Mae Borowski jpeg, I finished that game last night :DSecond of all:>My cognitive peak was wasted on idleness and indecision. Now I fear it is too late.Its a misconception that learning potential rapidly declines after your teens. Neuroplasticity peaks very early on in life, and slowly, consistently declines till you die of old age. 23 year old you can make changes to his brain and personality about ~95% as much as 17 year old you could. You have not missed any critical period, and its not too late to get your life back on track.Don't stop trying, anon.
