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I've been in a state where I can't express my frustration to my close one, mostly because it'd upset them or whatever the fuck. I also have this people pleaser tendency where I ended up doing more or most to keep everyone around me happy but I don't get the same things back most of the time, my friends are so ignorant of me, sometimes I think that they are all about themselves, and I get to watch them get reward for their labor while I get none, even though some of the reward are partially from my involvement and when I express the slightest of frustration they get confused and couldn't relate, I feel like I'm selfish by being selfless and even more selfish when I'm otherwise.

I've got no one to talk to because I know that they'd be fuck all to talk to. I feel like I've been like this for so long, I feel resentful for one aspect and eventually it turned into most aspects. I know it's not my friends' fault, they have their own space and personal life but because of however the world is, it's like a switch away for me to be dismissive and deem all things as below me and never let myself be affectionate again. They never feel my pain nor commit to me and yet they get to have all the good things in life. And because I'm like this I'm scared that I'll be a sociopath or develop mental illness shit if I don't have one already. Maybe it's my adhd or something, but i've been taking my med like a good goy.

How do I get past this? How do I not become a terrible person, I feel like at this point I'm destined to become one eventually.