I'm 25 with AuDHD. I've been living as a NEET for the past year because I've repeatedly failed to work full time at the retail jobs I've been at and have huge gaps in my job history. I also failed high school and had to get a GED. I have no dating experience either. Every time I've tried to improve myself I burn out then crash into the ground.Because of all of this I have crippling learned helplessness and I don't know how to get over it. I feel so useless and I'm confident that if I even were to get another job I would either fail to do it because of my lack of qualifications, or I would quickly get burnt out and be forced to quit, ruining any further opportunities for myself.
>>34575382If you try and fail, how is it any different to not trying? Not trying is failing. So you may as well try. Think of it as picking one of two types of suffering. Trying and risking and failing, or just doing nothing and remaining a failure. Common sense is you pick the first one because at least it holds the odds of potential successes, it also allows you to grow and develop. The alternative, to do nothing, is to waste your entire life. You already ruin every opportunity for yourself if you choose to never act on a single opportunity.
>>34575745>>34575382>Cont And I know that you resent the accusation that (you) choose to never act on a single opportunity. After all you can't help but feel "learned helplessness", you genuinely feel it's something out of your control, something you didn't choose, something that just rolled in on your life at some unknown point in time. The answer is: Tough shit. Because it's true, you didn't choose the mental jam of learned helplessness. Truth is every time you try, it's going to feel shit. Because your brain currently does not believe in any long term rewards at the end of hard work or suffering. Your mind only sees the suffering and this makes you feel hopeless and weak and bored and tired and exhausted. The answer is "Tough shit".Do things anyway, even when you feel shit. Choose to do things while feeling like you can't or won't. There's no law in the universe that says you can't do the thing + feel shit at the same time. Give that some serious thinking OP. Ask yourself:>Is there a hard rule that says I cannot make actions towards a goal while feeling as shit as I feel now? Do my feelings really control my will power? Can't I just choose to enact my will and feel the bad feelings at the same time?The answer is yes you can. So do that. When you do it long enough your mind begins to see results and begins ti believe in reward for hard work, that's how you unlearn the helpless shit.
you kys
I have that as well. No confidence in myself plus I have horrible problem solving ability and I'm dumb as fuck. I can't figure out how to do things so I constantly fail or do a horrible job at something and that just reinforces my already horrible lack of confidence. If I somehow accomplish something it does nothing to build my confidence, it's always at 0 because deep down I know I'm a subhuman retard
>>34575382Think outside the box
learned helplessness is a garbage term invented by feelgood therapists who want to sell you the idea „you can make it if you put your mind to it“. its essentially the bootsstrapping myth of modern psychotherapy. most of your troubles are caused by genetics and biologically hardwired limits.
>>34577378>Most of your troubles are caused by genetics and biologically hardwired limits.Bullshit. That's a cope to abscond from personal responsibility over your own shortcomings. In other words it's feel good shit masked as materialistic determinism, it's weakness. People who cite "Genetics" like it's a rosary tend to have zero understanding on genetics. There is a thing in biology called "adaptation" and "adapting". Even if we can say you or I have shit genetics, we can always do this thing called "adapting" which means playing your genetic cards in a way the results in a positive outcome.
>>34577499personal responsibility is important but only if you dont measure yourself by outside measures of success. you should do what you can with what little you have, but the idea of learned helplessness is oftentimes falsely construed as a form of saying „you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it“, which is scientificially bullshit and just a way to make people feel miserable when their shortcomings compared to others are really outside their realm of control.
>>34575382>From these experiments, it was thought that there was to be only one cure for helplessness. In Seligman's hypothesis, the dogs do not try to escape because they expect that nothing they do will stop the shock. You are stuck because you expect to be stuck. If you can’t do something, at least notice yourself not doing it. Notice when you habitually anticipate your effort will be pointless and whether or not you take action at those times, small or big. >To change this expectation, experimenters physically picked up the dogs and moved their legs, replicating the actions the dogs would need to take in order to escape from the electrified grid. If you can ask someone for support, get help. If you don’t have support, help yourself imagine someone is helping you and rehearse what you need to do and act as your own helper, whether that’s changing self-talk or taking action. >This had to be done at least twice before the dogs would start willfully jumping over the barrier on their own.If you fail you are not a failure. Even if it feels impossible to change. It is worth it to try again whether or not you get there the first time. >In contrast, threats, rewards, and observed demonstrations had no effect on the "helpless" Group 3 dogs.Instead of judging yourself, expecting to be ineffectual, and comparing your worth to others, focus on what you learned from the challenges you’ve lived through rather than write them off as failures, and quit beating yourself up for struggling too. It’s not going to help you, you don’t deserve it, and you have no more use for it outside of whatever situation taught you that. Shed it with the learned helplessness.
>>34575382>AuDHDGold deficit hydrogen disorder
>>34575382Find literally any small part of your life, anything, that you can do that's productive, and when you complete it, reward yourself lavishly for it.Taking out the trash, reading a wikipedia page, or going for a walk to the corner store for junk food. Getting 10 minutes of fresh air today. Anything.Buy yourself something nice, and congratulate yourself for taking a step to becoming a better person. Never think negatively about yourself, or beat yourself up for the days you slip up. Never take on "guilt debt" for what you "should have been doing." Every day is a new day, and a new step forward.This is what they call empowerment. Finding small, insignificant victories to congratulate yourself for, so you can rewire the negative thinking part of your brain and eventually train yourself to achieve bigger victories. Take your time, and start visualizing the life you want to live, and the baby steps needed to live that life, and you will eventually get there. You will have relapses, where you catch yourself beating yourself again, but this is okay. Relapses are a part of therapy, and are perfectly healthy. It will happen many times over a couple of years. Just remember to pick yourself up when it happens, and try again.
>>34575382Poor pupper. That little guy is literally me and the box is my parents
