I carry the shame of having, on and off, been visiting dirty massage parlors for the past several years. I don't even usually get the handjob at the end, normally I chicken out and at most fondle their breasts. But even so, I feel like a dirtier, more worthless person as a result, and the worst feeling is knowing that I will forever be stained with this knowledge. It's not like theres anything that can erase what ive done, and I'm terrified of anyone knowing and viewing me as a filthier person. I feel like everyday I live a fraudulent life, like im keeping a horrible secret, and i dont know if thats healthy or even just sustainable. How do you guys carry shame? Im sorry if im being overly dramatic, but i feel like because of this, I am undeserving of love.
>>34576924I go to Confession at my church + try not to think about the things I've done. I just focus on trying to be a better person from here on out
>>34576924The first step is to cease the behavior that's causing you shame. The second step is to feel gratitude for the fact that you learned from and grew past those shameful desires. Consider how much stronger and better of a person you'll be after you've fully put that kind of thing behind you, because you've experienced it first hand and discovered with certainty that it isn't worth it.
>>34576924>I'm terrified of anyone knowingUnless you tell them, how could anyone possibly find out?
>>34576924We live in strange times anon. Honestly what you're doing is no different from what men did in the past. The only difference was, those ladys line of work was understood to be where men with either excessive energy could shag off or lonely men could go and not feel sorry for themselves.I think you're a good person at heart, and want a genuine relationship, you want your gf to do all sexy things but in your head you're cheating with this potential relationship by going to massage parlours.First comes acknowledgement. You are doing this because you desire love, but this "love" is bought not earnt and that's whats burning you on the inside. Forgive yourself, all of us men are going through weird times. You're not alone, many men are single without any meaningful relationships(not even casual hookups).You are worthy of being loved regardless of how you look.Love exists within you, your yearning just shows that it's waiting to be acknowledged.Forgive yourself anon. Any God you worship, just tell him/her what your deal is, Forgive yourself and move on.The hardest thing you'll have to do is realise that your worth doesn't come from putting women on a pedestal. Your journey is a slow burn love journey. Men like us have to sieve through the mass of female population and over time through talking platonically with enough of them, come to the conclusion which one desires us and we desire her.This is your Hero's journey my dear friend and I can only wish you the very best.
