I feel really guilty at all times & a lot of it stems from things I did a few years ago so I want to know how to handle them.In high school I was really addicted to porn,At some point I started looking for more disgusting & vile porn to get off to, sort of out of boredom + it was almost a method of self harm for me bc I would feel fucking miserable afterwards & really hated myself.I have gotten off to some of the worst shit you can imagine, specifically within the range of drawn/hentai (the typical most disgusting tags).Because I was addicted & derived physical pleasure from this it still weighs on me a ton- I feel like a disgusting & evil person who doesn't deserve any love or kindness.I was able to quit porn altogether bc I have had a roomate for the last teo years & the lack of privacy helped tremendously.However bc I was addicted there's no way to be sure that I won't relapse or fall into old behavior which really scares me.I feel like if any of my irl friends knew about this my life would be over.Idk how to handle the guilt of my past actions and the fear of relapse. How do I get past the guilt now? How to I get past it if this happens again?
