I thought I was getting better but I've been having a really bad relapse the last couple days. I miss her so fucking bad.
>>34580778Why can't you be with her?
>>34580778Distance and time... or a new object.
>>34580778Have the same problem. I think for me the summer and nice days remind of him. I wish I could enjoy my summer
>>34580795She said I'm too masculine and she's into femininity. (Basically she's lesbian with an exception for twinks)
>>34580778Stop thinking about her. Seriously: treat thinking about her as if it were a dangerous drug addiction, and go cold turkey. The second you find yourself thinking about her, immediately distract yourself. Sell or throw away everything you own that reminds you of her. Never go to any place you went to with her. Block her everywhere so you don't encounter anything of hers on social media. Delete every message the two of you ever exchanged.
>>34580846>Stop thinking about herYou’re an idiot and clearly have never experienced what OP is going through.
>>34580856I have. That's how I know what works. It's not *easy*, but it's the only way through.
Not limerant for us, soulmatesThe moon only has eyes for the sun
>>34580859No, you haven’t. What part of involuntary intrusive thoughts do you not understand?
>>34580846I get reminded of her by various things like characters and abstract concepts I associate with her.
I feel like limerence is a psychological idea that isn't given the proper recognition it deserves. There's few resources about it. I feel like it is a genuine mental illness like OCD or something
>>34580778Meet lot of new girls.
>>34580871>What part of involuntary intrusive thoughts do you not understand?What part of "As soon as you find yourself thinking about her, distract yourself" do you not understand?
>>34580891So avoid those characters. If you aren't deliberately avoiding them, you aren't taking your addiction seriously. You're like someone in the early stages of trying to recover from alcoholism who is still going to bars. Cut out *everything* from your life that makes you think about her. Thinking about her is an addiction that you have to break. There will be many setbacks, of course. But the less you think about her, the easier it will get.
>>34583554not op but definitely. i have limerence too and i never experienced something like this before or when i was younger, just one person triggered it and i've been obsessed for like 3 years. we see each other every 2-8 months in a group setting, not often. i think that's a part of it, along with usually some type of unvailability (these two things along with extreme attraction usually cause limerence i believe, along with the limerent person having issues which cause them to be capable of having limerence in the first place).it's like i don't even mind that much that we aren't together. i'm just glad i know my "personal 10/10" exists and i've been able to have many good moments with them which i'll always remember and which will always remind me to be a better person.
>>34583730Yeah I mean, I had issues - self esteem issues, as a lot of people on here do. The girl I was infatuated with was completely incompatible with me. I buzzed around her like a fly and she was too polite to tell me I didn't have a chance and to leave her alone. Eventually I wrote her an email and told her I wanted to cut contact and never speak to her again. I said I basically ingratiated myself into her presence and that I never felt like I was really her friend. I told her I felt like we were polar opposites and she agreed. She wrote me a cordial email in reply and wished me well. I haven't spoken to her since but I still get limerent feelings come back every now and again when I'm not feeling great in life.My family has a history of OCD (not me though), and I feel like it must be related to that. I've had these feelings on and off my whole adult life. Mostly I feel ashamed.
>>34583721Because it’s impossible to distract yourself 24/7/365.
>>34586551So you wont even try? Kek lmao loser
>>34586619Never said that.
>>34580871There's no such thing as a truly involuntary thought. You are your thoughts, you choose them at every moment whether you realize it or not. Meditation and self-discipline are all that's needed to bring them in line.
>>34580846Actual advice, it's what I've been doing as I'm going through the same as OP. The only way to get over something is to distance yourself and focus on something else. You're not going to have it perfect like >>34580856 is implying, you're still gonna have her in your mind sometimes, but it's gonna be a smaller piece of you as the days fly by>>34586821That's retarded, you choose 100% of your thoughts as if you were computing information? You never see something cute and think "oh I know she would love to see this" or maybe you play a game and be like "damn I wish she could be playing this with me, she loves this game"? Anon is describing the pain of having someone invading his mind because of how much he feels for them, you're describing some control fantasy.
>>34580778I am in the same position OP. It's hard. If anything I'm way worse and than you and pathetic. Got broken up right at the end of April 2023, still have intrusive thoughts about it and about her or the things we did, association with objects or concepts does not help me, either. I do have to clarify many friends were lost along the way, a bunch of backstabbing happened, which made me paranoid and very much hopeless about people, I was even borderline suicidal about it.I can only guide you towards it hurting less. Not even it not hurting. Inmediately distract yourself if you have an episode, do not spiral down by entertaining your thoughts and letting your imagination flow. You'll have to bite the bullet and take a deep breath before your mind goes places on autopilot. I know it's tough because it happens frequently but try to think of something completley separate if you can, maybe busy yourself with a task and think of something at the same time if your brain is too active.If possible, meet new people and become active, socially speaking. Meeting new people is something that might make you stay more in the moment instead of reflecting on your past and stuck on little scenarios or "what-could-have-been"s. That's the most important thing. Keep yourself in the present, not stuck on what was, what isn't or what could not or will not be. If possible, seek therapy. You have a history of OCD already and from what I understand it can either be triggered due to certian experiences or maybe you don't have the full traits to be clinically diagnosed with it but have a strong set of predespositions associated with it, do keep in mind OCD also has something called "Pure O", meaning full intrusiveness and the negative effects but without the compulsions or rituals associated with OCD.Best of luck OP, I will keep reading as I also need help for this but got little resources.
>>34586875OP here, OCD anon wasn't me. However, I have had my own suspicions of pure O. Fortunately, I've been on lexapro since a big episode at the end of 2024 and it's mostly stayed down aside from limerence.
>>34586882My apologies. I've misread then OP. Glad lexapro has helped.I have also been on lexapro in smaller than average doses that I cut off after a bit less than a year due to a careless and negletcful psychiatrist and lack of funds. The first few weeks (perhaps 2 months or so) worked but then everything starting feeling as always.I'd say this somewhat reinforces what I recommended I suppose, as you identified problems and have some fixes, but you need methods in order to keep it at bay.If you have a therapist and deem them capable, do talk about your pure O suspicions. They may know how to treat OCD and have resources that could help much more than what I'm talking about, maybe strategies or methods to control the intrusive thoughts.Last I can say (and just in case) is to not beat yourself over this. You don't choose to have intrusive thoughts, they happen and they don't follow rationality, it's mostly pattern recognition or your imagination acting up in weird ways out of your control.
>>34586832Thoughts that arise spontaneously are the result of prior thoughts that were chosen deliberately. There are men who have walked to their deaths calmly, because of the thoughts they chose to have about death. If they can do that, anyone can get himself to stop thinking about his adolescent crush.
